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Tony wasn't too surprised to wake up alone a little after 3am.
Instinctively he reached a hand out to his side but when he was only met with thin air he opened an eye. The sheets were rumpled but cold, and the bathroom light was off.
He sighed as he stared at the ceiling before getting to his feet and shuffling out of the room, towards where he knew Ziva would be. His back still hurt from his own trip in there two nights ago: their daughter's bedroom practically belonged to all three of them at this point.
Tali was going through phases when it came to sleeping. At first she had refused to be separated from Ziva but it was slowly getting better, only happening when she was sick or over-tired or something had upset her. Tony wasn’t sure what had prompted the latest bout over the last couple of days.
At first they’d thought it normal – an adjustment response after such a big upheaval in her life. The longer it went on, though, the more they were starting to work on addressing it as a problem.
It was proving to be difficult.
They'd left Tali's door open when they went to bed but it was closed now and he cracked it open with a practiced care, the light from the hallway illuminating the scene.
Tali was rolled clumsily onto her side facing the wall, away from Ziva who was practically hanging out of the bed. Tony approached them tiptoeing, bending down to crouch at Ziva's side.
"Hey."
"Didn't think you heard me." Tony sunk his legs, rearranging them so he was sat properly next to her. “How long have you been in here?”
“A while.”
He ran a hand through her curls and tucked some behind her ear.
"I thought we spoke about this. The longer it carries on, the harder it's gonna be for her."
"Yes, we did. Easier said than done. She was very upset.” Her words were slurred and quiet with tiredness.
"We'll have to talk to her again in the morning."
"Hm. Just a second. Coming."
"Stay here, don't get up. Go back to sleep."
Her eyes closed again barely a second later and she hummed as her head settled deeper into the pillow. Tony's hand never left her face, stroking the same pattern over her skin. He stayed sat on the floor for a couple of minutes after she fell back asleep, watching the identical way hers and Tali's faces scrunched up and then relaxed as they fell deeper.
Tony did eventually get back to sleep, tossing and turning in the empty bed, though he only got maybe another hour in total before it was time to get Tali up and ready for school. As much as he kept it to himself, it seemed like he was struggling just as much as Tali with being apart from Ziva at night.
Tali was pre-occupying his mind, too, and at some point between sleeping and waking he had an idea he thought was worth a try.
All three of them were slow to get ready in the morning, lazily shoving toast into their tired mouths. Tony and Ziva watched each other while Tali got ready, silently assessing how to approach the situation. She asked her mom to do her hair and she did so with practiced hands, placing it in a bun at the back of her head.
When she was finished the three of them stood for a moment in the living area. Tony rubbed his face.
"Tali, sweetheart. Come here." Tony sat down on the sofa and patted the seat next to him. Tali came over with a hint of nerves on her face at his serious tone. She sat down next to him and Ziva knelt on the floor in front of her, watching her with concern.
"Do you remember last week when we talked about everyone going to sleep in their own beds and staying there? And not coming into our room to get ima? And remember we got you a nightlight so it wouldn't be dark, and we left the door open just in case?"
“Uh-huh.”
“What happened last night? Ima said you were upset.”
Tali didn’t answer straight away, skirting around the topic. Eventually she spoke, picking her words slowly. “I was crying so I came to wake her up.”
“What were you upset about?”
“Because I get scared.”
“Like nightmares?”
“Sometimes. But when I’m awake I get more scared.”
“What are you scared about?” Tali didn’t answer, tugging at the hem of her shirt. “Sweetheart, there’s nothing to be afraid of here. OK? You’re so safe. But if you don’t tell us what it is you’re afraid of we can’t help you.”
“I’m scared of being asleep because.. what if ima leaves again?”
“You think she’s going to leave if you’re asleep?”
Tali nodded.
Tony exhaled, biding his time as he thought about the best course of action. Ziva, too, was quiet, though he suspected that was more an emotional reaction than trying to assess the best response.
“Come here.”
He patted his lap and Tali scooted herself onto it, burrowing her head into him. She began to play with his collar and he rocked backwards and forwards slightly, the way he had done when she was 2 years old and woke up with nightmares.
“I know all of this has been very confusing and scary for you sometimes.” He spoke with his head on hers, his lips in her hair. “And I know how much you missed ima when she wasn’t here. So if you ever feel like this, it’s important that you tell us. OK? We feel the same way too sometimes. We get scared and we get upset. And you know what makes it feel better?”
“What?”
“When we talk about it. I always feel better when I tell ima how I’m feeling.”
“Me too. It is the best way to feel better.” Tony heard the way her voice faltered, looked up to watch her try to smile reassuringly. She wiped the corner of her eye before putting her hand over Tali’s.
“Why didn’t you tell us that’s why you were upset?”
“Because I didn’t want to make you sad.” She looked at Ziva. “Are you sad?"
"I'm a little sad, yes. But not because of you. I just get sad when I think about how I had to leave you and daddy for such a long time. And.. look at me." Tali raised her head to look Ziva in the eye. “I know it is hard for you to just believe it when I say I’m never going to leave again. But the things I had to fix so we could be together, they are all gone now. Forever. Sometimes the best way we can make someone believe our words is to just show them. So I’m going to show that to you, OK? Me and you and daddy, we are here for good. You are the most important thing to us in the entire world.”
“Ever?”
“Most important ever. That’s why like daddy says, please tell us when you feel like this. Because then we can see what we can do to make it better.”
The attention seemed to be making her shy and she nodded with her head tilted, hands up to her mouth.
“Hug?” Ziva held out her arms and Tali launched herself off Tony’s knee and into them. Ziva rubbed the back of her head as she pressed into her, before releasing her. “We can talk again tonight, OK? Let’s get shoes on."
Tali left the room in search of her school things and after a beat Tony stood up from the sofa, closer to Ziva than he realised. She was looking past him at a spot on the wall but he captured her chin and forced her to look up at him.
“Think we do need to talk to her again?”
“I think we should. Before bed. Yes?”
“Alright.” Tony could hear the apprehension in his voice and battled it back as he saw Ziva take a deep breath and allow something to wash over her. It was a small sign of progress: the way she was able to get her brain to refocus, stop it sticking on a thought for hours.
She checked her watch. “We are running late.”
"You think you can take her to school on your own today?"
Tony didn’t work on Fridays and Ziva only had a couple of hours in the evening.
"No problem."
"And then take yourself somewhere for a couple hours?"
"Is everything alright?"
"Uh-huh. Everything's good. I just have a surprise that might take me a while."
"Why does that not reassure me?"
"Trust me. Alright? You'll love it."
“OK, against my better judgement.”
“You wanna talk? About that?”
He waited until Ziva turned back to meet his eye. “When I get home.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. We will.”
“Promise?”
“I promise. I just need a little time to process.”
He would've believed her even without the reassuring expression and the way she hooked her fingers around his where they hung by his hips: long gone the days of secrecy and hiding.
"'Kay. We can talk and you can see what I've been planning."
"For how long have you been planning it?"
"Since about 4am."
"4am? That sounds.." Ziva's face had changed now and she looked at him with raised eyebrows and familiar entertainment in her eyes. "..intriguing."
"Have I ever steered you wrong? Actually, don't answer that." He pulled her in and kissed her slowly, wrapping his arms around her waist and then releasing her. "You just worry about how you're gonna spend your morning. Leave all this to me."
"Alright, we are leaving."
"And hey, Ziva?"
"Yes?"
"We'll talk. OK?"
She gave him a sincere smile as she walked out of the room.
After a shower, with the two of them out of the way, Tony got to work. The first thing he did was clear the room of debris – discarded shoes and cups and toys, things that had been left behind last night when they’d rolled into bed too late.
He brought a chair in from the kitchen and then followed it with the spare bedsheets and blankets. Attaching them to the light fixings proved to be harder than he’d envisioned in his head while his toast was cooking but he got it right eventually, hooking the ends of the sheet around the edges of the metal until it hung down in a peak. He spread the other corners in strategic places around the room, sofa arms and the top of the TV and table corners until the room had been transformed into a mismatching, chaotic den.
He dragged the two blow-up mattresses out of the bottom of the coat-and-shoe cupboard and discovered the true lack of lung capacity left behind by his brush with the plague when he tried to blow them up by mouth. After 15 minutes and a brief panic he was having a heart attack he remembered the downstairs neighbour with a bike, and went down to ask her if he could borrow a tire pump.
After blowing them up and fighting to wrestle them under the canopies, he realised that should’ve been his first move rather than his last. A similar battle with duvets and pillows and blankets meant he had to lie down to rest, staring at the low fabric ceilings and the glow of the television under the sheets.
He wasn’t sure if he fell asleep or if he just made the walls thicker than he realised, but he didn’t hear the front door open until it clicked shut with a bang. He was hyper-aware of the sound of footsteps on floorboards approaching the room and then stopping dead in the doorway.
“…Tony?”
“God – hey. Here. Just a sec.”
"What are you doing?"
Tony wrestled with the sheets and eventually managed to get himself out, knees first, to find Ziva standing over him with a look of pure bewilderment on her face and arms laden with bags. She put them down at her feet and surveyed the transformed room as he smiled at her sheepishly.
"Remember when I said I wanted to take you camping?"
"Yes.. I believe that was around 10 years ago."
"Well, here you go."
"I have to admit, as far as camping goes this makes sense for you."
He got to his feet, almost getting them caught in material, and ran his hands down the front of his trousers while Ziva waited with amusement for an explanation. They both faced towards the carnage but his eyes stuck on her.
"I don't wanna sleep without you. Nor does Tali. She kicks me all night in our bed, and I’m not sleeping on her floor again. I think I still have a lego imprint on my back. So I thought: Weekend Sleepovers. Stays in her bed during the week, she gets this at the weekend."
"Every weekend?"
"What's stopping us?"
"It is a lot of work."
"Not a big deal."
"It is. You spent hours on this."
"What I mean is it's worth it. For her." Ziva smiled a little then, bottom lip sticking out slightly. "This is the prototype version, it'll get easier. Don't you like it?"
"I love it. But if we make it too nice, she will never want to sleep in her bed."
"A few days with your snoring should set her straight." Ziva hit Tony as he laughed. "Really, though. I don't wanna punish her. She isn't acting out, she's just scared. And it will get better."
“I know.” Ziva turned around and wrapped her arms around Tony. “I just worry about her.”
“Me too. Constantly. I think that’s our jobs.”
"There is a person in my therapist's office who specialises in children. Do you think I should try to get a referral?"
"Yeah, that might be a good idea." Ziva stayed quietly in his arms for a few moments before tipping her head back to look at him. She wiped something off his cheek. “What?”
“I cannot believe you would think of something like this. It is so...." Ziva stopped and kissed him instead of finishing the sentence. Just as he was about to pull away she stopped him, grabbing the back of his neck with a curl of her fingertips. “I love you very much.”
"Even when I thread bedsheets through your light fixtures? Don't turn them on by the way, I think you'll get electrocuted."
"Hmm. Especially then."
"OK. Good. Because I'm gonna need your help getting it all down on Monday, I start work at 8." Ziva rolled her eyes. "Wanna take a look inside?"
"Lead the way."
Tony felt a little like an idiot when he got down on all-fours and looked back up at Ziva who was still stood, her arms crossed and her expression marred with faux-concern.
“You know how it is with low ceilings.”
He lifted up the edge of the blanket and waited for her to get down to follow him, which she did without protestation in spite of her face.
"It's a very modern, open plan space. If you look to your right you have the lounge area, complete with TV and a selection of movies for your entertainment. And then here is the bedroom, beds hand-crafted by yours truly."
"Wow. Impressive. Where is the kitchen?"
"Uh. If you stay there and don't move, I can get those last doughnuts for us."
"Room service? I should come here more often."
They ate the doughnuts sat up, just about, squashed together at the tallest point of the den. Tony looked down when he was finished and noticed sugar on his trousers which he tried to shake off through a hole in the sheets onto the floor outside.
"Tali's not having anything with crumbs in here."
"Neither are you." Ziva wiped something away from the corner of his mouth. “She will be so happy with this.”
"Yeah?"
"Of course she will. Especially when she sees how excited you are. She is so much like you."
She said that a lot. It seemed to please her, watching the way they two of them were so in-sync. Probably in the same way it made Tony feel when he saw Ziva and Tali side by side, noticed their identical features and expressions even as Tali began to move like him.
Tony moved up the air mattresses towards the pillows and lay down flat on his back. Ziva watched him from where she was now sat by his ankles before following, mimicking his position but pressing her head against his arm until he lifted it to wrap around her.
The silence lasted a couple of comfortable minutes before Tony circled back to what he had really wanted to bring up.
"You promised me we'd talk about what happened this morning."
Ziva sighed. "I suppose it should not have surprised me to hear her say it. Logically, I knew it was the reason even if she had never said it. It is not fair for me to..”
“What?”
“I think sometimes it passes me by how young she still is. After everything she has had to contend with. As though I expect for her to be able to vocalise these things she is feeling when in reality she hasn’t learned how to yet.” She exhaled and looked away from him, up at the sheeted ceiling. “If she had had the two of us, maybe it would be different.”
“I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself.”
“It’s not that simple, though, is it? I am just waiting for the day I stop feeling like I have ruined her life.”
“It’s coming.”
“You think?”
“I know it is.”
"It is hard for me to forgive myself when I see the impact my actions have had. The fact that I have caused this damage.."
"Actions always have consequences, even when they're the right ones. Just think about what would've happened if you didn't-"
"Stop. I do not want to think about that."
"But you do. Listen, OK? You made the right call. Every day you stayed away you were doing the right thing for us. Even if you and I both hated every second, it's the best thing you could've done. And even though it's had consequences, any other choice would've had ones that were far worse. The other consequences would've been permanent. This is something we can work on. This can get better."
“But it will never go away entirely.”
“Maybe it will. Maybe it won’t. I don’t think we can bet on that either way. But you can’t deny it’s already gotten better even in the last month.”
Ziva tipped her head and Tony turned his to watch her assessing his words.
“Perhaps you are right about that.”
“And you were right – what you said to her this morning. She just needs to know we’re here for her. No matter what, she has us on her side. Everything else is just.. whatever.”
Ziva chuckled a little, burying her face into his side. “You have a way with words.”
“Thought that counts, right? You know what I mean.”
“I do. I always do.”
They both went quiet and she turned properly to face him. He ran his fingers up and down her back. He could sense her relaxing and in a way it relaxed him too, felt himself grounding to the sensation of her heart slowing down pressed against him.
“What on earth is that?”
Tony followed Ziva’s eyes to their feet.
“A bicycle pump.”
"Since when do we own a bicycle pump?"
"We don't, I had to borrow it from downstairs."
"Let me guess. You got halfway through construction, realised you hadn’t blown them up, and then tried to by mouth?”
"Nobody likes a know-it-all. But.. yeah, you nearly found me dead in a pile of linen."
Ziva chuckled into his chest, rubbing her hand across it. "You are an idiot."
"I know."
They settled into silence again, the sheets around them warm and inviting.
"So what did you do this morning?"
"Stopped for tea. Did some shopping."
"What did you get?"
"Just some yoga pants for work."
"Ooh, can I see?"
"And you wonder why I never let you come. There are no physical benefits to standing at the front of the class googling the teacher."
"No physical benefits?"
"None that I could show to Shira as proof I am doing a good job."
"You don't need to prove it, she already knows."
Given the amount of people Ziva seemed to know spread out across the globe, it probably shouldn't have been as surprising as it was the first time all three of them went to Tali's dance class and Ziva stopped dead when she saw the name on the door of the fitness studio. A friend of her sister's who had left Israel as a child, Shira had been overwhelmed when she had been reunited with Ziva and after a few hang-outs in which Ziva had expressed her desire for a job and told tales of her various physical achievements, Shira had offered her to take over the couple of self-defence classes that were free of a permanent teacher while the usual one was on maternity leave. Ziva was on probation while she got qualifications, but she had been enjoying herself.
Tony still remembered the way Shira had looked at Tali that first class back after she and Ziva were re-introduced - the way she had cupped her face and a tear had spring in her eye at the significance of the name she had paid no mind to before.
“It will be dark in here later.”
“I know, I was thinking about that. I was gonna put some of Tali’s fairy lights in but I wasn’t sure – I mean, lights? Fabric? Bad idea?”
“Probably wise. I am already watching that television. Does that still happen? Do televisions still get hot on top?”
“Can’t say I’ve been feeling any lately to know. I do know that you sound like a grandma when you talk about TVs.”
“I did not even own one until you forced me to, and I managed just fine.”
“Sure, and all those Pirates of the Caribbean marathons watched themselves.”
“You can be such a movie snob sometimes.” She exhaled contently. “I wish I could lie in here all day.”
“Oh, so I did a good job?”
“I never denied it.”
"Well as much as I killed it, I think we should save it until Tali's home. What’d’ya say, wanna get out of here?”
“You first. I am excited to see you try.”
“Not sure what you’re implying but I’m in peak condition. Flexible is my middle name.”
“No, I’m sure – I have already seen you wrestle with it twice. I cannot wait for an encore.”
Tony went to get up and then changed his mind giving himself a few more seconds, sighing and crossing his hands on his chest.
“I’m tired. Didn’t get much sleep tonight. Might go lie down for a little while in a kid-free bed. Coming?”
“No, I do not think I could sleep.”
“Who said anything about sleeping?”
They went to pick Tali up from school together, a Friday afternoon routine that she loved – always bounding out of school with a huge smile on her face and running towards them.
They’d decided not to mention the surprise until they got home. Once they reached the doorstep Tony’s hand froze on the doorknob and he turned back to Tali.
“OK, T. There’s something inside for you but we have to make a deal about it. If you’re really good in the week, Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday, and you manage to sleep in your own bed, then at the weekend we get to do something special as a treat. Alright?”
“What’s the treat?”
“Is it a deal?”
“Yes, yes! What’s the treat?”
Tony opened the door and he and Ziva both watched Tali as she looked in complete delight at the scene in front of her. While it may have looked like a mess to Tony when he finished it couldn’t have been further from how she was taking it in, practically hopping into the room and throwing herself underneath it.
“A blanket fort?” Her voice was muffled by layers of fabric and pillow.
“Uh-huh. We got mattresses, we got pillows, we got a TV.”
“For all of us?”
“Yep, for all of us. If you sleep in your bed in the week we get to sleep in here all weekend.”
Tali re-appeared, poking her head out from underneath a blanket. “Can I bring toys?”
“Two.” Ziva called after her but it was too late, she’d disappeared around the corner and out of sight. She turned back to Tony with a smile. “I think that is a stamp of approval, yes?”
“I think so.”
Tali began traipsing in and out of the room carrying toys. She dumped them unceremoniously both within the 'tent' and outside of it, littering the floor and surfaces.
“Aha, see? Look at this. Perfect.”
"Tony, look at the living room."
"Ah, it's nothing. It's seen worse. I never told you about that crazy golf tournament we did last summer, did I?"
"Daddy broke a mirror."
"I thought we agreed that was gonna be a secret?"
"You told ima before that nobody is allowed to have secrets now.”
Ziva turned to Tony with her eyebrows raised. "That's right, Tali, I did.”
He thought he could remember the conversation she was talking about: a whispered one in (apparently not) sleeping Tali’s room, a few days after Ziva had got home. He’d thought they were being startlingly honest with one another until Ziva had dismissed herself to have a shower and he’d found her twenty minutes later having a panic attack at the sink with the water running in the empty shower cubicle.
There was none of that tonight, though – just dinner cooked with laughter and a kiss for each of them as they rushed out of the door, bags slung over her shoulder.
Friday nights pretty much always followed the same routine. They had an early dinner before Ziva left for her class, and Tony and Tali had ice-cream before he dragged her reluctantly for a shower. Hair dry and pyjamas on, they would speak to Senior or McGee or Jimmy on Facetime - tonight the latter had been sat on a stool in an empty autopsy theatre watching with enthusiasm as Tali used shaky hands to carry him through every inch of the fort. Usually they would kick back with a cartoon (or a book, if Ziva had her way) and wait for Ziva to get back at 8 for lights out but Tali was too wired tonight, over-tiredness and excitement mixing in such a way that when she was clean and in her pyjamas Tony relented and picked a movie for them to watch in the fort.
Rapunzel had just hit Flynn Rider over the head with a frying pan (a scene that always made Tali roar with laughter, much to Ziva’s amusement and Tony’s alarm) when they heard the front door click. The sound of shoes and a coat being shed followed, and then a scratching on the outside of the blanket by Tali’s head.
“Who is it?”
“Your delivery driver, madame. I have some fruit if anybody wants a midnight snack.”
“Is it midnight?” Tali turned to Tony with wonder in her voice.
“Not quite, sweetheart. Gonna let her in?”
Tali wrestled with the sheets in much the same way Tony had been doing himself, and eventually Ziva’s head poked through into the fort. She placed a plastic box of chopped bananas and berries on Tali’s lap as she climbed through and crawled past her, kissing them each on the cheek as she went past.
"How was work?"
"Good. Tiring."
"Lucky for you your loving partner slaved away making this awesome fort for you.”
"Hm, lucky me.” She settled down on Tony’s other side, turning herself towards him a little. Tali was watching her over his chest, mouth full of food already. Ziva ran her hands through the front of her daughter’s hair. “What are we watching?"
"Tangled."
"Again? Goodness, Tali, you must know every word."
"Daddy picked. It's his favourite."
"You're spilling all my secrets today, huh?"
“It is no Pirates of the Caribbean, but..” Ziva appraised with her eyebrows raised and Tony rolled his eyes.
“The fort is a quiet zone, if you wanna poke fun then come find me on Monday.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. It is my favourite, too.”
“I think Flynn Rider is like daddy.”
“You do?”
“I love him. He climbed all the way up the tower and he found Rapunzel.”
“Huh. Sounds familiar.”
Tali's attention was grabbed by something on screen as Ziva's hands grabbed Tony's face, pulling his lips to hers.
"You're not watching."
"We are too!" Tony kissed Ziva's nose before she pulled away and settled back down facing the screen. "Hey, Tali. You know what we forgot?"
"What?"
He whispered in her ear and Tali twisted onto her side away from him, re-emerging with a stuffed camel. She dropped it onto Ziva's hands.
"Another rule of the Fort. Everyone gets 1 toy to hang out with."
"Wow, thank you. Did you know I got you this?"
"You did?"
"Mhmm. When you were living with daddy, you came on a holiday to Egypt to visit me while I was working there. I went out to find a special present for you."
"They have lots of camels on Egypt."
"That's right. And now we have one in Paris, too."
"I don't remember it."
"It was a very long time ago now. We had not seen each other for a while and everything was very secret because of my job. But daddy climbed all the way up the tower to find me."
"Like Flynn Rider?"
"Exactly. He is very good at finding people."
He caught her eye but she only looked at him for a moment, knowing smile on her face, before she turned back to Tali. Her hand was still on his chest and she rubbed her fingers in a slow, circular motion just below his shoulder.
They continued to talk over him as her hand moved and he could feel himself battling tiredness, the feeling of Ziva's voice reverberating on his skin.
"This is the best. Can we do it every day?"
Tony chuckled, stifling a yawn. "It wouldn't be as fun if we did it every day. Remember what we said."
"If I sleep Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday we get this?"
"Uh-huh. It can be waiting when you get home from school."
"I'll sleep all night." Tali said resolutely, ironically wiping her eyes.
"Starting tonight, right?"
"I think you will beat her to it."
"Don't let me, I'm still wearing a button-down."
"I am not making any promises."
He fell asleep not five minutes later, fully-clothed with the television still on, warmth and blankets and family and a stuffed pig piled on top of him.