Chapter Text
"Martha Rose Hastings, you will not leave your family just so you can be a killer!”
“ Mom, I’m not bloody leaving yah, I’m giving us the chance to live a decent life!”
“We don’t need a better life, love. We’re perfectly fine where we are now.”
“But for how long can you say that…”
Beams of sunlight pierced through the window and landed at the foot of my bed, particles of dust fluttered above my eye-lashes as I snuggled myself deeper into the warm enclosure of my bed; my head sunk into the pillow like a rock plunging into the depths of a lake. I looked over my shoulder to find once again an untouched space. A discontented sigh left my lips as I clenched my fists until my knuckles lost its colour and turned white. Then I heard the far away noise of the front door being flung open, followed by disorganised steps and eventually he entered the room. I shut my eyes to give the facade that I was sleeping, hoping that he would come to my side and gently caress my cheek like he once did. Nothing, I was felt nothing but the stagnant air. As I felt a weight on the bed, I shifted the position of my body to face him but was met with his slouched back. I gazed with glossed eyes at his state, his disorderly hair that my finger would often thread through, his shoulders that used to be broad and reflected his resilient nature were now hunched over like a coward. Oh Jesse, at which point did you change?
For the first couple of months of living in this manner, it was unmanageable; because of my occupation I was feared and less likely trusted, being from a different country though, now that was a crime as punishable as heresy according to some people. Meeting Jesse in that saloon is a memory I keep bringing myself back too, questioning what prior events led to that moment. For 23 years, I’d spent my nights awkwardly squeezed in a creaky bed with five other siblings, now I was accustomed to the countless sleepless nights where I prayed for his safe return to me. Telling him to never return was a choice I could never bring myself to make, the infinite amount of consequences battled within me. What if he gets himself killed? What if one day you’re collecting a reward for his head? Like the blood stains on my blouse, those thoughts seemed to never leave me. “ Estas borracho” I spoke with disgust laced within my tone, fumes of Jesse’s alcohol engulfed the air within the room. “ You ain’t a greaser so stop talking like one.” I peeled off the covers of the bed and felt the cold touch of the wooden floor flood into my toes.
Bundling up the cluster of clothes that lay on top of drawers, I dressed myself and stared into the mirror, unfortunately due to Jesse’s frequent outbursts the mirror was shattered into pieces like a spider’s web. I adjusted my clothes and reflected at how ghastly my appearance was like the dried mud that was splattered on to the ends of my trousers, the blouse I wore countless times was overshadowed by the midnight blue jacket, a man had nothing to offer in a game of poker except the clothes on his back and twenty minutes later he left as naked as the day he was born and I had acquired a new article of clothing. Delving my fingers into my hair, I tugged through all the knots, the rich brown pieces bouncing just below my shoulders. One last time; I peered into the mirror and still saw Jesse’s intoxicated form. Shuffling across the wooden planks of the living room, I opened the kitchen cupboards that were above me, as I balanced on the tips of my feet I saw how depleted we were of food, Jesse became territorial when the subject of food arose for a man of his size you would wonder where it all went, it was if he was preparing to hibernate for the upcoming winter. Flinging open the front door, I was gracefully greeted with the gentle neighs of the horse before me, his reigns being knotted into the railing of the front porch as his grey eyes dilated at the mere sight of me. Strolling over to him, I caressed his silky yet lengthy mane. “ Oh Chips, you’re the only man for me” I subconsciously laughed at my jest, whilst cooing to the thoroughbred; Jesse always complained at the more attention I gave to Chips, to which I would sarcastically reply with, ‘ at least Chips reacts when I touch him.’ He never replied back, but then again when did he ever.
Learning to hunt was a skill I immediately knew I had to acquire, living in an urban area meant I couldn’t go down an alley and suddenly be surrounded by looming trees, the only rabbits I ever saw were the ones served on a plate to me and even then I didn’t have them very often. Riding further into the woods, the glimpse of a resting doe caught my attention; drawing the bows’s drawstring towards my face with three fingers in a upright position, I emptied the oxygen in my lungs with a great sigh and let the go. Poor thing, didn’t even sense it.
Riding back, I was unmindful to the time I had spent in those woods, the sun was hastily cowering away, waiting for the moon to rise from the earth. Men atop their horses trotted past me as the bird feather sown into my hat lightly glided across my eyebrow. In situations like this, riding alone, I would think too deeply; any further and I’d be underground. Chip’s movements slowed until I no longer heard his hooves against the coarse grass. I lifted my head to look upon the ‘home’ I had woefully become accustomed too, in my opinion it resembled more of a shack. I hitched Chips to the wooden poles of the porch before a sudden noise flowed to my ears, heavy footsteps. Jesse stood at the door, a surprised yet pissed off look in his eyes and a cluster of money peeking out of his pockets, he attempted to deceive me by covering his sides, too late my dear. “ Going out” Really, I thought you were going to walk from here to New York. “ Where too this time?” He lost patience with me quickly and began to walk past me, still not giving the answer I already knew. Jesse had created some distance between us before I threw my hands up and spoke back. “ I bring in the money in this house and you take it out so I have the damn right to know where you spend it. Alcohol? Bets? Or perhaps a whore of your choice?” This prompted the man to retort with the exact amount of frustration. “ It’s none of your god damn business woman!” Jesse plunged further into the overbearing trees, the path into town was nearby so the bright lights would eventually entrance him to come closer. The deer on Chip’s back was dragged back into the house where I attempted to dissect the meat into eatable pieces for a stew without creating a bloody catastrophe.
A few hours had passed before I began to pace the porch, the weight of guilt began to grow heavier in my stomach, I felt terrible for the taunts I’d thrown at Jesse and hoped that he would return soon. Where is he now? What if he can’t find his way home? Rushing onto Chip’s back I cracked the reigns and he broke into a hurried pace. Warm colours glowed in the distance as the town came into view. Burnstown was the crumbs of an eaten cake, left behind and unwanted by the rest of society. There was no consistency in their methods, one moment they’re begging for my help and then five minutes they’re telling me to go back from where I’ve come from. In rare moments, I missed the noise that polluted the air in Birmingham, the sounds of carriages dancing across the stone roads and the shouts of disgruntled workers. Trotting into the main road, my attention was immediately caught by the out of tuned piano and the cheers of both men and women. I couldn’t just waltz into the bar, making a scene wasn’t a skill I needed for my job and it wasn’t a habit I was going to gain at the moment.
I leaned forward in my saddle and urged Chips to walk a few steps forward so I could see inside the bar. There he was, Jesse was safe an- wait, who was that on top of him; for god’s sake why did I not see that this would happen, my eyes stayed on his features, his smile that hadn’t been directed to me in months and his cheeks that would rise and shine as bright as the lights around him. I continued to watch whether in anger or awe, I didn’t know, even as the woman draped across dragged him upstairs, I still stared at my brights eyes until he disappeared from my view. “ Que pinchazo”
“ Vamos amor, there’s no place for us here.” My eyes began to drift around as Chip’s walked at his own pace. The window of the few shops were covered by long curtains to deter criminals from trying to find what was behind them, preventing crime was a ever present job for the people of the town, the crime rate continued to rise like a fire in an silent forest. My aid was worthless, I never worked for free and I never wasted my time on a lost cause. The sheriff’s office was still somehow active at this time of night, the men inside twiddled their thumbs most likely waiting for someone to burst in with a need for assistance. Ironically, the sheriff was next door to the bar; one for the beginning of the night, another for a troublesome end. A notice board was placed next to the door, a poster had been pierced onto the other many notices, I was hooked once I saw the bold printed letters of ‘WANTED’. Hitching Chips, I strolled past the window and tipped my hat to the gentlemen inside; the poster in front of me was still vibrant with fresh ink. ‘ Mateo Jessen, known member of the Denvers Gang, $ 100 reward, last known location: the Sherry forests’ In the middle of the sea of information, there was an illustration of the man but I didn’t linger on his face before I highlighted his identifiable features for example the prominent yet small scar on his left cheek. After folding the poster into my saddle bag, a voice rang out to me from the inside the sheriff’s office. “ If you’re looking for Jessen, you’re gonna have a difficult time sweetheart, he’s always in the Sherries but he’s quick with a bow I’ll give him that.” I hopped on to Chip’s back and caressed his mane. “ Well, I guess I’ll just have to quicker. Don't worry, lads, you’ll have a new one for the cells before the morning starts.” With the glow of the moon accompanying me as well as the sense of adrenaline starting to spark in my stomach, I marched into the forest.