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It’s difficult to feel lonely when you are surrounded by people. Difficult to feel alone when there is a blue tiefling’s head lying on your stomach. Difficult to feel isolated when there’s a half-orc cuddling you. Difficult to feel apart when the man you are desperately in love with is sleeping across from you, his breathing even.
Somehow, Essek manages.
It’s the racial differences, he thinks, for the most part. The Mighty Nein are a diverse group for sure, but everyone here needs at least eight hours of rest. No one else in the group feels pain when the sun hits their eyes. No one else enjoys a good roast spider for dinner--Jester looked vaguely sick at the suggestion, even, when he whispered it to her as an option for dinner.
So, perhaps he is lonely, and perhaps he is a little homesick. He misses his bed, and his books, and the warm fire in his house, and servants who would wait on him and cook for him, and he misses it always being dark outside, and--
“You don’t need to sleep this much, do you?”
The voice is a quiet whisper that still shocks him so much he jumps, a little bit, jostling Jester and Fjord both. Luckily, they sleep pretty easily--Jester merely rolls over and flops on top of Caduceus, and Fjord rolls to cuddle Beau instead, who instinctively kicks him but doesn’t mind that he doesn’t move.
It’s Yasha who spoke to him, just now. Yasha, whose blue-green and violet eyes are staring at him openly, and have been for a little while now, and he didn’t notice, before.
He rolls over to his side so that he can look at Yasha directly, free as he is now from the Jester and Fjord sandwich. There’s a Caleb and Veth between him and Yasha at the moment, but Yasha is tall enough that he can still see her in spite of the bodies in between them.
“No,” he tells her, honestly. “Four hours will do me, most nights.”
“Must be nice,” she whispers back, her eyes vibrant in the night. “Boring, though, watching us sleep.”
“Why are you awake?” He asks, genuinely curious. “I don’t need the sleep, but you--”
“Dreams,” is all she tells him, and it’s enough of an answer, he supposes.
They lay there in silence for a few moments, just sort of staring at each other awkwardly. He doesn’t know Yasha particularly well--of all of the Mighty Nein, he’s probably spoken to her the least. It’s nothing intentional--it’s just he doesn’t know what to say to her. They don’t have much in common, after all.
“You are lonely,” she says, finally, breaking the silence, and he wonders how she’s able to read him so easily.
Although she’s asleep still, it feels like Jester rolls over and wraps her arms around his waist in response to what Yasha said, although the more logical answer is that she got too warm laying on Caduceus.
“Homesick,” he corrects her, because it is hard to feel lonely when Jester is squeezing you. “I have no love for the Dynasty, not really, but now that I’m out here I just--”
“You miss it,” Yasha supplies for him.
“ Yes ,” he smiles. “I miss the darkness, and my bed, and the food. The Empire is nice and all, but--”
“But they don’t eat roasted spiders here,” Yasha says softly. “Which is stupid, because roasted spider is delicious .”
He laughs, mostly so he doesn’t cry. “It is! With a moonberry sauce--”
“I love moonberries,” Yasha moans. “I’ve not had moonberries in so long. My wife used to make this dessert where she’d mash them up with some syrup and--”
“You’re from Xhorhas?” Essek asks quietly, not meaning to interrupt her. “I didn’t realize--”
She shakes her head. “I’m not from the Dynasty, but the southern swamps of Xhorhas, yes.”
“I didn’t know people lived there,” Essek muses. “We were always told there was nothing but barbaric tribes and nomads down there.”
“Well, they didn’t tell you wrong.” Yasha gestures to her entire body, and Essek feels like an idiot.
He closes his eyes as he cringes. “I’m sorry. I meant no offense.”
“Why are you apologizing?” Yasha murmurs. “I am a barbarian. My tribe was nomadic. You’ve said nothing offensive.”
“I love you both,” Caduceus speaks suddenly, shocking them both. “But please go to sleep. Or talk outside the dome, so the rest of us can sleep.”
He and Yasha look at each other, wide eyed before they collapse into giggles, and Essek feels less lonely, now, especially as the other groan awake at the sound of their laughter.