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“I’m such an idiot.”
“This is probably, like, the third time you’ve said that in the span of an hour, Red.”
Player’s voice chimed in through her comm link, and Carmen gave a groan as she tightened her hoodie around herself. Her eyes traced over the ocean that was right in front of her face. The warming, beach-exclusive late afternoon sun was spilled over the blue Pacific Ocean, like a knocked over glass of lemonade. The weather in Malibu really hit differently.
“It’s true. I really don’t think I should have invited Gray to a…” Carmen bit her lip, raking her teeth across the flesh, not sure if she wanted to use the label.
“A date? Come on, you can say it.” Player taunted lightly in that voice, the one that every teenager uses when describing a potential crush. Carmen heard the squeak of his swivel chair as he continued. “It was the least you could have done after he helped you on last night’s mission.”
Carmen made a popping noise with her lips. “Looks like VILE isn’t getting their luxurious getaway speedboat anytime soon.” She replied breezily, wrapping both of her hands around her drink. A Long Island. “I do have him to thank for helping us take down the electronics.”
“So,” Player remarked as Carmen heard the thump of his elbows on the hard desk, “Why exactly are you having second thoughts? I mean, you yourself just admitted Gray helped out a lot last night.”
Carmen puffed out a breath and her eyes flicked down. She feels the stinging coastal wind blowing through head on and half shutters her eyes against it, watching as the red tendrils of her hair blow wildly. The sun did indeed help to warm her up, though. She gritted her teeth and took a smaller sip of her drink, hearing footsteps behind her. For a moment, she thought it was Graham, and her breath hitched, but a sleeveless arm reached down in front her table and set down a plate of assorted seafood, fried calamari, shrimp, crab legs, and other things she couldn’t visually identify. Was she really this nervous to meet a man she’d known for years that literally helped her to steal a boat?
Carmen exhaled and nodded her thanks as the woman walked away. “I just don’t want to get too, well, attached to him. Neither of us can afford a close partnership right now. If either ACME or VILE saw me with him, there it goes.” Carmen pointed out with a voice dripping with regret. Both Player and Carmen knew that what she spoke was the truth. As much as she wanted a partnership, even one that tiptoed into the corners of being romantic, she couldn’t. But was that really it? Was that the annulment of that idea?
Carmen didn’t tell Player the fact that she had feelings for Gray, but whether they just developed or had been dwelling, hibernating all this time was a question she couldn’t answer herself.
“Not for my safety-”
“For his.” Player echoed the phrase she had said one too many times. Carmen had mainly said it to herself, to steer her back on track. She swore she could see him rolling his eyes. “I get it. But there’s nothing wrong with inviting him over for lunch to show your gratitude. It’s the right thing to do after Gray took you out twice.”
Carmen winced. “And I stood him up.” She almost coughed. “I guess it’s the least I can do after that. And, of course, after yesterday’s help.” She craned her neck to look at the surfers that were riding the waves ahead of the bubblegum blue restaurant, the very ones Malibu was so famous for. Every wave was raucous as it crashed and dissipated into foam. No wonder Player had told her that the name Malibu meant “noisy waves.”
Carmen suddenly took a large sip of her Long Island for no absolute reason at all, feeling the burn of the concoctions of alcohol within hit her throat. She cleared her throat and set her cup back on the glass table, letting out a cough.
“Tell me why I ordered a cold drink again.” Carmen croaked and tucked her cold hands, dampened by the wet exterior of the cup, between her lower thighs to try to warm them up.
“Because you’re at the beach. Take a well-earned break. And, uh, enjoy your date.” Player’s voice was frivolous, and she knew he was trying to get her to cheer up. Carmen rolled her eyes as a smile tugged on the corner of her scarlet lips. She heard total silence come through as Player hung up, and knew she was on her own again.
“Date. Of course.” Carmen mused to herself. I’ll see if it lives up to its name. She reached for a calamari in front of her, still thankfully hot, and popped it in her mouth. It wasn’t anything special for the high price it was.
“Well, looks like I might’ve arrived a little late.”
Carmen swallowed the piece of seafood and turned around at the all-too-familiar voice behind her. She felt her lips turn up on their own in a broad smile and stood up, turning around. Gray approached her with the signature grin of his own, the one that made his eyes look somber, yet in a good way somehow, something she longed for since she had left VILE Island.
“Afternoon, Carmen.”
Carmen walked up to him and embraced him in a warm hug, a laugh escaping her lips like fizzy bubbles. She pressed her face in his chest as her arms went around his waist, taking in his scent of leather that he always carried. Carmen drew back and met his eyes, squeezing his hand for a moment.
“Gray, I’m so glad you were able to make it.” Carmen pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, simpering as he raised his eyebrows, the smile on his sculpted face never wavering.
“Graham. Right.” She replied with a friendly shove to his arm, almost saying ‘force of habit’. One day, she thought with an amused shake of her head, one day he better let me call him Gray.
Gray chuckled as she returned to her seat, a plush couch, following suit. “Of course I was able to make it. If it’s an invite from you, I’m always up.” His hazel eyes were brightened by the sun as he sat down by her.
“Really, it’s the least I could do after your help yesterday.” Carmen repeated Player’s words, eyes meeting his. “I know it was a lot to fly 14 hours on such short notice. But your help was beyond worth.” She propped her chin up on her hand, eyes fluttering up to his.
“Anything to help a philanthropist-slash-secret service agent out here.” Gray teased. “It was light work. Glad we got the boat out in time.”
“As am I.” Carmen responded as she took the sight of him again, never tiring herself from doing so. She told herself one thing, but did another.No one really knew about that other than her. There was no way she couldn’t not get attached to him. God, he was ambrosial: the way his hair swayed in the ocean breeze made her knees feel weak. Good thing they were sitting down. Pulling herself out of the pool of her own thoughts, she reached across the table for the tapas menu that had a list of drinks on the back. Carmen offered it to Gray, and he took it with a raised eyebrow.
“Drinks are on the back. Everything’s on me, so don’t shy off.” Carmen told him and leaned on the couch, taking a sip of her own Long Island.
Gray’s eyebrows looked like tildas as his eyes skimmed over the list of overpriced alcohol and appetizers, flipping it back and forth. Carmen couldn’t help but smile as she angled her body to him, folding her legs. His mouth was slightly ajar in presumably confusion, trying to form words. It was incredibly amusing to her, watching him as he tried to pick out the cheapest thing on the laminated paper.
“Christ, Carmen.. you.. you really don’t need to. This is..” Gray closed his mouth and brought the menu closer, scrunching his face up to look at the list of prices. “...Expensive.”
“It’s all coming from a bonus from work.” Carmen lies smoothly. “You know how abundant my company is in money.”
Gray nodded, gaze still hooked on the menu as his shoulders relaxed. Carmen knew he was thinking of the time when she wired him those cold dollar signs, blood, a few months ago after his help in New Zealand. His lips turned up and he chuckled once he had made his choice, flagging down a waiter. “Nothing too pricey.” He reassured, craning his neck back to look at the uniformed man.
Gray shot Carmen a look like a smug mongoose as he uttered his order to the waiter, thinking it was quiet, but Carmen heard it all too well. She snorted.
“An IPA?”
Graham tutted as he raised a finger. “Hazy double IPA, for your information.” He leaned back in the plush cushion and turned to look at her. “There’s a difference.”
Carmen rolled her eyes and tried, really tried to suppress the chortle building up in her chest. She failed and keeled over in laughter, catching sight of Gray’s confused yet amused face as she took in gasps of air.
“How the hell would you find a beer funny?” Gray chipped from where he sat, his voice laced with liquid humor. “You’re dying over here.”
She looked up at him when she was done, wiping a stinging tear from the corner of her eye. “It’s just..” A slight ha! escaped from Carmen’s lips as she regained her composure. “..you come to California for a couple of days and you’re already becoming a hipster.”
“Might as well try the lifestyle, eh?” Graham says mischievously. Carmen smiles as she heard his voice wash over her like cream. She essentially archived all his tones, looks, emotions, so when he spoke, she identified it immediately. Yup, she’ll think, that’s anger. Snark. Concern. Before Carmen met him again, it brought her solace - knowing that she still held a tear of him with her at all.
“Might as well.” Carmen told him, about as breezy as the wind. He turns and faces the waves, noticeably smaller. Low tide. She looks at his profile and reaches for her drink, adorned with a striped paper straw, but she never grabbed it. Gray interrupts her.
“Carmen, I..” The woman bites her lip. She could hear his tone start to paint itself a different color, receding back like the tide. She closes her fist and retracts it back in to her lap, almost dreading what was going to come next. Gray looks down at the wooden planks, exhaling as he looked for what to say next. She frantically thought about what happened, why he suddenly switched emotions. How severe could it be?
Carmen leaned in closer. “Gray? What is it?”
She winces internally at the slip of the name. Carmen realizes with a sudden jolt, like his crackle rod, that he didn’t correct her. No satisfaction escaped her. It wasn’t the scenario she wanted. Not the setting.
Carmen swallows, biting her lip harder as she scooted over to him. His eyes look like dimmed stage lights now, subfusc. Soaked in more melancholy than normal, but this time Carmen knew it was serious. He stayed silent for a while, and Carmen’s hand found its way to the arch of his hunched back, rubbing soothing circles.
“Graham.” She cajoled again. It didn’t feel right to use the name she’d yearned to call him again, even if he said nothing about it. “It’s okay.”
Gray runs a hand through his hair and taps his foot on the ground. He opens his mouth and closes it. Opened it again. Fidgeting like a kid in the principal’s office.
“Carmen, yesterday..” Carmen nodded as he spoke, with furrowed eyebrows. “...yesterday, when you were getting the boat out, I heard a voice over the comm. Sounded like-“ He gestured to a white bird with a nod, a seagull, perched on the wooden post of the restaurant. “-a seagull.” He tried to laugh, really did. Incorporate something to lighten the suddenly dampened mood. His tone dipped under the weight of his failed attempt, like the oh so famous roller coaster at the Santa Monica Pier.
Carmen narrowed her eyes as she tried to recall exactly who she fought. She felt her organs twist when she remembered, remembered exactly, but she wasn’t sure.
Carmen swallowed, the movement searing her dry throat.
“Do you remember what she said?” Carmen’s voice shook slightly, but she kept it governed for the most part. She didn’t realize that she was squeezing the base of her thumb until she felt her fingernail dig into the flesh. An augury, perhaps.
Graham rubbed his hands on the pants, looking like a child making a confession to their parent. Carmen knew he wouldn’t be making a fuss just for overhearing battle banter. Something else must have happened: the final feather placed on the bridge, snapping it in half. Carmen felt her head spin when she realized oh, God, it had to have been the resurrection of a memory.
She took a breath as Graham met her eyes, then looking down. Shuffling his shoes.
“She said something like.. something along the lines of ‘where should I go, Carmen?’” Graham recalled, looking back at Carmen with a searching look.
Carmen suddenly remembered, halting her search through her ever-growing taxonomy of VILE operatives, being able to nitpick the only one who could have said that. Tigress. Matched the seagull-like description with painful accuracy. Slowly, Carmen recalled how it went down.
“You know,” Tigress had said with contempt to Carmen’s every being, looking, “Once we get this boat out, I think I might take her out on a little spin down here on the West Coast. Need to get my blonde strands shining.” Carmen heard her snarkily all-too-cheerful tone like an ear-splitting song. She pulled against the ropes tying her up to the dock post, catching her breath, patting herself for her pocket knife. She remembered leaning her head a little too much to the left as she tried to free her arms, the one movement she believed activated her comm link again, allowing Gray to get an unintended earful of Tigress’s voice.
Tigress’ nose wrinkled in a sneer, sharp eyes piercing right at Carmen’s wriggling form as she turned around and began to start the process of hotwiring the boat. “Where do you say, Carmen? There’s so many places to go along this big-ass state, I might as well go on a full trip.” The flaxen woman said to no one in particular; Carmen knew better than to stay around listening to her phantasia, much less respond. She got a solid grip on her knife, pain running sharp through her overextended arm, as she began to painstakingly slice through the thick rope.
“LBC? ‘Monica? San Diego?” She purposefully drawled out San Diego, in sync with one of Carmen’s ropes snapping. Tigress heard the noise and turned around with her masked eyes narrowing, setting her jaw. Carmen met her with a steadfast look. If she provoked the woman enough for her to snap, she could use Tigress’s claws to slice through the remainder of the rope. A risky move that could end up either with her free, or Tigress’s claws inches deep in her throat, but she was willing to take the chance.
Carmen raised her eyebrows. “How bold, considering that, well, we all know you’re bottle blonde, Sheena.” Carmen goaded, knowing that was a touchy topic. The only thing Tigress prided more than her tactical prowess was her hair, which everyone knew was natural. It was a running joke pre-graduation, where half her teammates poked fun at Sheena’s color. It wasn’t a joke now, however, and Tigress wanted her to know she wasn’t taking it lightly.
The masked woman growled and dug the ball of her foot into the dock’s boards, launching herself to the bound woman faster than Tisci left Givenchy, claws outstretched as she yelled more like a seagull than a cat. Carmen moved to the side with all the free range she had, hearing the sweet noise of the majority of the ropes snapping, and the blonde woman’s claws sinking deep into the post that was softened by the constantly crashing waves.
Carmen looked back at Gray and pressed her palms together, fingers angled down. “I know who you’re talking about.” She jumped, more intensely than before, when she heard the loud clack of the waiter setting the glass beer Gray had ordered on the table. He eyed it for a minute and returned his gaze back to Carmen’s eyes.
“What about it?” She queried. “I know you wouldn’t look this concerned over just hearing shit that I was saying to someone else.”
“That’s the thing,” Gray continued with another one of those chuckles, emptier than aspartame, the corners of his lips turning down again as he pursed them. She looked him up and down, tightening her hoodie around herself even more, and noticing that he did the same to his denim jacket. She wondered if the breeze was really that cold for both of them being able to feel it at the same time. Carmen wanted to know already, he was taking his time as if confessing in a refectory, but she knew she couldn’t press him.
“It sounded… It sounded really familiar to me. Not exactly close enough to call it deja vu, but, you know, it just sounded like-” Gray paused and rested his chin in his fingers. “Like I know her. Or knew.”
Carmen flinched slightly, involuntarily as she heard what Gray had told her. Her initial surprise had dropped, but she was still left with the aftershocks of it. Gray had confirmed it - he recognized the voice. Carmen rubbed her eyelids as she mulled it over. She heard nothing other than the waves coming onto the shore, then fizzing down. He thankfully hadn’t said, “That voice was from when I worked for that one crime agency, hey, remember?” Carmen could always play it off as saying it must have been a former boss, coworker, guest at the opera house he tended to - and probably would for the meantime.
She removed her thumb and index finger from her eyes, blinking a few times, and looked at Gray. He set his beer back down on the table after a few gulps, which Carmen took in the lemony smell of. Gray looked at her over his shoulder and turned around again, his leg crossed over the other widely. He chewed the inside of his cheek. “Carmen, you okay? I-I’m sorry if-”
“Don’t apologize.” She stopped him, trying to show as much compassion as possible in her face to reassure him. Carmen put her hand back back on the spot between his neck and shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze - and Carmen heard him gasp slightly, noticing him press his cool hand on his cheek in order to get the newly-formed blush to dissipate. Carmen stifles a laugh.
“So,” Carmen moved slightly closer to him, her knee touching the lateral part of his thigh. Her hands were folded back in her lap, and she sees his form sag slightly at the retraction of her touch. “You could have heard her voice before. Maybe she was an old friend. A co-worker. Guest at the Sydney opera house. Why the sudden worry?”
“The thing is,” Gray continues, this time facing her and fully meeting her eyes. She looks into the pools of brown jade, the coast-side of his face sun-kissed. Thinks about what she’ll miss the most if she does decide to call an end to their communion. His eyes, for starters.
Don’t think I’m ready to let him go again. Carmen thought to herself, mentally slapping herself for being greedy, but she could treat herself every so often.
“In New Zealand, when the voice of that woman came on the speakers, you asked me if I recognized her. If the voice sounded familiar.” Gray let out a puff of air. “It’s almost as if you know more than me.”
Dr. Bellum. She hadn’t meant to tell him that, hadn’t had enough time to think it over, to analyze if he’d remember in the near future. She had no choice; it was either risk having him turn feral upon hearing Bellum’s voice or check to make sure he didn’t recognize it. Carmen noted he looked far from mad, but instead a mingle of both concern and a look of searching. She stiffened up, though, knowing she wasn’t being accused, but knowing he was right. Gray seems to take note of this and eyes Carmen’s hand, almost looking for permission to take it.
Carmen says nothing, but her silence lets him know so. Her heart rate picks up a little bit, as she feels his rough, large hand against hers. His thumb grazed across her knuckles in reassuring stripes, making her hand feel like that of a porcelain doll, as if in fact she was the one telling him all this. It ached to know that his condition could have been becoming more volatile, she couldn’t take chances.
However, had anything happened, she needed to have him by her side. Carmen needed to keep an eye on him at all times, to make sure he suddenly didn’t remember he was a criminal in the middle of driving to work. The best thing to do was take the wheedling Player had done to coax her into taking Gray into their team.
“Maybe I do. It’s more of a… conversation that’s apt for privacy and a lot of time.” Carmen says, partly because it was, in fact, long, and she needed to have Gray secure if any kind of reawakening were to happen. Mainly she wanted to tell him without bawling her eyes out at a public restaurant over a couple of overpriced drinks and a seafood platter.
To her surprise and relief, Gray nods understandably, with another one of his signature smiles, keeping her hand in his. “I know you do things for your reasons.” His voice alone was enough to comfort Carmen; whatever edge of surprise there previously was in it was worn down like a rock by the tides.
Carmen smiles a little bit at the trust that he had for her, almost making her feel guilty that she wasn’t telling him the truth right now. She was content, though, knowing it would come in its due time.
They stay like that for a while, the electrician squeezing her hand tighter as they both glanced out onto the beach. “Carmen, I don't want to spoil the wonderful afternoon out you had planned for us. I’ll be willing to wait as long as is needed. I just really needed to let you know.”
“Of course.” Carmen says, sort of distracted by looking at him. She feels like she’s going to burst if she lays her eyes on his suddenly doleful face that’s extremely hot at the same time, holding sorrow for something that wasn’t his fault. If she keeps on holding his hand without doing anything, is that really the goddamn best he can do?
His eyebrows furrow more as he bites the corner of his lip, noticing her thoughts visibly projected onto her face. Carmen’s eyes were narrowed, concentrated, face tight as she steeped what she was about to do. Gray takes a breath. “Are you mad, Ca-”
Carmen lets go of his hands and they fly onto both sides of his neck, the thief only having a split second to look at his confused expression, and against her own advice she’d been telling Player, her own soft lips met his in a single movement. Gray looks surprised for a moment, of course, but leans in, gives in to the kiss, lands his hand on her waist. Carmen finds her hand on the rough material of his denim jacket, opening her lips more just a bit, Gray lifting a hand and brushing a lock of hair away from her face. It was sweet, longing, built up, Carmen could taste the flavor of sweet lemon from the beer on his lips.
They pull away, Carmen and Grey both breathless. He’s the color of her hoodie, and Carmen knows she’s probably exactly the same. She knows she’d been denying it herself, it being the fact that she’d probably wanted to do this since VILE. Carmen is suddenly aware of the glance of one or two patrons on them, but she looks back at Gray’s flustered expression with a simper, folding her legs.
“I’m hoping that answered your question.” Carmen told him as he pressed his hands on the cold exterior of the beer, and then to his face, trying to diminish the redness. Gray laughs again, one of his eyebrows going up. Someone got confident pretty damn fast.
“There’s no way it couldn’t.” Gray says with a newfound charge. Carmen smiles broadly this time and leans into him, nestling her face into the crook his his neck, enough room to do so on the outdoor couch. She takes in his rustic scent again, a wave of comfort washing over her as if she was lying on the very shore. Carmen presses another short kiss to his jaw, just one, and feels him shiver a little bit. It makes her laugh for the second time that day, arms going around her waist as her abdomen became sore from the carcajadas.
“You’re a literal living tease.” Gray says with a shake of his head, chuckling, placing his own hands on top of hers. Carmen isn’t surprised he has an affinity with them - he is an electrician, after all. She tilts her head to look up at him, drinks and platter forgotten on the glass table.
“We really never did get to enjoy Malibu. At least not while making sure a damn speedboat wasn’t stolen.” Carmen pipes up with a nod to the direction of the coast and craggily roads lined with palm trees and mountains.
Gray runs a hand through his hair. “So, we get outta here then? A stroll on the beach doesn’t sound that bad.”
His hand intertwines with Carmen’s, his face upside down from the angle she was lying. She smiles, getting up as the waiter set the tab down in front of them. As if reading his mind, Carmen shakes her finger and pulls out a wad of ten dollar bills, stuffing them into the book. Gray rolls his eyes wordlessly and his shoulders shake in a single bout of laughter, nodding understandably.
“You pay that, fine. But-” Gray folds his arms with a smile as he stands up. “-I’m getting us a couple of cones of beachside ice cream on our walk. No buts.”
Carmen sighs exaggeratedly. “Fine. Fine.” Us. I like the sound of that. Her hands are raised, and again her and Gray’s eyes meet, not long before she shoves his arm good-naturedly and stands up. She laughs and tosses a few strands of her hair behind her, only just noticing the faint lipstick mark she left on his jawline.
She decides to stay silent about it.