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Tsukasa stares at his mother’s bruised and bloodied face, at his brother’s insistent tears and soft hiccups, and decides he hates his father. He doesn't think he’s ever felt hate, but he’s read about it in those books with complicated words that Amane sometimes brings home. He read about how it’s supposed to burn from the inside out, how it drowns the brain and overrides any other emotion. Tsukasa doesn’t feel any weird burning, just a weird numbing sensation in his hands, but he’s sure he hates his father.
His fingers hurt from being stepped on by heavy boots and his temple aches where his father slapped him. Tsukasa stares at his trembling purple hands and wonders if this is hate.
When his father leaves, the house is quiet. Amane’s sniffles are tapering down and Tsukasa goes through the routine of hugging his brother and drying his tears. Their mother retreats into her room, closing the door but not locking it. Never locking it.
They haven’t had dinner before his father decided to go on his nightly rampage and his stomach grumbles in protest. He pulls Amane towards the kitchen, ignoring the pain bursting through his hand. There’s some mac and cheese still left in the pantry, and Tsukasa intends to make a cheesy feast for him and his brother.
Amane sits in the corner, out of Tsukasa’s way as his eyes go glassy and unfocused. Tsukasa’s always wondered why that happens after one of their Father’s fits. Maybe Amane just isn’t used to it. Maybe he’s escaping into his head for a bit. Tsukasa thinks that would be nice, escaping. Well, as long as Amane is with him.
He stands on his tippy-toes to get the box of macaroni, water already boiling on the stove. He puts in the powder and tries not to splash water everywhere as he strains the noodles. Even if it makes a cool sound when it hits his arm.
There’s no milk in the fridge, but Tsukasa’s sure it doesn’t matter too much. He stirs everything and sees Amane rise out of his hunched position from the corner of his eye. That’s good, hopefully he likes the mac and cheese. His brother grabs two bowls and sets it beside the pot. He’s still not speaking, so Tsukasa will just do it for him.
“Did you do the math homework? I gave up after question five, it’s just so hard,” he whines, scooping out their meal and putting it in their respective bowls. “Maybe sensei will give me a pass if I show her my bruises. She’s always been like that.”
Amane still doesn’t speak.
“C’mon, let’s eat outside! It’s not too cloudy, so the stars should be out.” Tsukasa grabs his bowl, still hot, and makes his way to the back door. He doesn’t look back to see if Amane follows him.
He always follows him, eventually.
It’s cold in the autumn air, wind blowing Tsukasa’s hair away from his face. He ignores Amane’s shiver, sitting down on wet grass. The mac and cheese is a little chewy and bland, but it’s food and Tsukasa’s hungry.
He turns to his brother, pretending not to notice him not eating, and asks, “how far away are the stars again?”
Amane looks at him with a funny expression, like he’s confused. “Which one?”
“I don’t care,” Tsukasa laughs. “What’s the closest?”
His brother looks back up at the night sky. “The sun.”
“Woah. The sun’s a star? You’re so smart, Amane.” Tsukasa wails, waving his arms around. “Maybe you should do my math homework.”
Amane laughs at that, almost choking on his dinner. Tsukasa turns around, looks at the moon, and squints.
“What about the moon?” he asks. “How far away is that?”
“About 384,400 kilometers.” Amane says.
Tsukasa grins. “Maybe we should go there instead. It’s closer, and I think the sun’s too hot.”
Amane looks at him with that weird face again, but Tsukasa doesn’t mind.
“Maybe we should.”
----
The bed he and Amane share is small, but it’s warm and comfortable. He lays with his head on his brother’s chest, hearing his heartbeat and steady breaths. Tsukasa’s sure he’s already asleep.
Tomorrow is their first day of grade seven and he knows Amane is nervous. But that’s okay, because Tsukasa will be next to him the entire time. He may not know a lot about the stars or math, but Amane’s his big brother! He’ll go with him anywhere.
Tsukasa traces one of the bruises on his arm, right where his father grabbed him. The pain is dull and the skin is an ugly purple with splotches of green. It kind of looks like one of those weird stars in Amane’s books.
He looks at the bruise on his brother’s face and giggles.
They match.
----
It’s quiet on their way to school, a little earlier than usual to avoid hoards of students. Tsukasa is pretty sure Amane doesn’t like crowds. He tightens his hold on his hand.
“Hey, Amane,” he starts, “what do you think the new school is gonna be like?”
Amane doesn’t answer at first, opting to stare at the sky. Tsukasa looks up, but he doesn’t see anything special in the grey-blue clouds. “I dunno. Hopefully the teachers are nice.”
Tsukasa adjusts his bag full of school supplies and huffs. “You’re no fun,” he whines. “Maybe we’ll be able to go on field trips this time.”
His brother hums, his usual sharp eyes fogged over. He stops suddenly, and Tsukasa can’t pull away before his momentum pulls them both forward, the twins crashing to the ground in a pile of limbs. Books fall out of their bags and Tsukasa laughs.
“What was that for!” he giggles, paying no mind to his scraped elbow. He stands up and starts to collect their belongings, not caring about people giving them odd stares. His uniform is a little dirty and Tsukasa is pretty sure there’s a rip in his jacket. He looks over to Amane and frowns.
His brother is clutching his hand, red dripping onto the sidewalk. Tsukasa’s pretty sure Amane’s had worse, but that doesn’t stop the tears falling from his brother’s eyes. He sets down their bags and takes his twin’s hand, ignoring the pained hiss Amane gives.
It’s not that deep of a cut, a slash going across the palm. There’s dirt around the wound and Tsukasa wonders if it'll get infected. The blood is bright and thick, coating his own hands. It flows faster when Tsukasa presses against it.
His brother’s yelp breaks him out of his trance, Amane grabbing his hand back. He looks at Tsukasa with red eyes and a fearful glance. He thinks he’s supposed to feel guilty.
“It’s not too bad, I think I have some leftover bandages in my backpack,” Tsukasa says. They’re probably going to be late for school. “When we get to school, maybe there’s a nurses office.”
Amane stands on shaky legs and gives his brother a nod.
Tsukasa holds his uninjured hand and ignores the red painted behind his eyelids.