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Todoroki realized when he was seventeen that he may have a problem.
“Happy Birthday to you!”
He didn’t notice until now how much he let his father get to him, how much he let the man build his personality.
“Happy Birthday to you!”
But what he had taken note of was how much of a workaholic he’s become..or always been? He’s not sure, it’s a blurred line at the moment.
“Happy Birthday dear Todoroki!”
If anything it’s more shocking that he came to such a revelation now out of any other, much more, convenient time, because here he was sitting in front of a cake with lit candles that gave off the scent of chocolate and friendship-
“Happy Birthday to you!”
And all he could think about is how this event, this particular celebration of his birth, was taking hours away from what he could use to train himself. Since when do number one heroes take breaks?
“Are you going to blow out the candle, Todoroki?” Ashido asked cheerfully, clapping her hands together with a sense of pure innocence as she stared at him wide-eyed.
She seemed so sincere in her inquiry, asking if he was going to do a simple task that could be executed in a matter of seconds. It’s just that she was naive in asking something so thoughtless. Did she not know what she was asking him to do?
Todoroki blankly clicked back into the room he was in and blinked around at the various faces who smiled at him and pushed him on to do a fanatic ritual of killing off the fire and making wishes that would never come true. Uraraka was bouncing on the balls of her feet from the corner of his eyes, her short but curled hair bouncing around the nape of her neck. Iida was standing stiff as a board with his hands formally behind his back, though his eyes shone with amusement and utter happiness that he was able to celebrate, what Iida worded, an “amazing day unique and dear to a single student at UA.”
There was nothing unique about Todoroki Shouto. He was nothing more than a clone - a manifestation of the very fantasies his father would jack himself off to after All Might selflessly one-upped him in some sort of altercation. He was made for a purpose he had no choice in deciding, and now that he’s been alive for seventeen years it’s become clearer than ever.
It’s your quirk you hear me? Your quirk, not his!
He’s been working himself to death for a person who was merely using him.
The group erupted in cheers and claps once Todoroki blew out the candles, finally returning his attention to the room and once again taking in the swarm of emotion that came with it. The smiles, the laughs, the sidebar conversations either about activities pertaining to school or the mall in the next town. He noticed Yaoyorozu cutting the cake into several pieces - one for each person. She smiled at him once she noticed him staring and it took an insane amount of energy from him to not flush when she looked like she caught him in a scandalous situation.
“Enjoying yourself aren’t you?” She asked in a conversational tone, somewhat projecting her voice to overpower the other nine students off in their own world.
He wanted to answer with a straight ‘ hell no ’ but decided against it when the next line of his confession would’ve been ‘ I have so much training to do ’.
“Do you think they’d notice if I went to the restroom for a bit?” He asked instead, unintentionally changing the subject.
She examined his face a little bit as if she was trying to decipher the meaning behind his question, but instead dismissed her theories and shook her head to give them the go-ahead. He nodded his head once in appreciation and gently snook out the room, breathing in fresh, cool air once he finally made it into the common area. His right hand was shaking with neglect, begging him to get into an open area so he could unleash his flames and ice wherever the school permitted. It was like he was addicted to the feeling of his powers, addicted to using them every day because he knew its daily utilization meant he was improving in something.
If he was improving his powers then he could become the number one hero. He could surpass All Might-
What?
Todoroki didn’t notice he was outside in the front of the school until he nearly tripped over his own feet as it skidded on the cement. The soft and humid air made him feel as if he was in his room engulfed in the covers of his bed. He could imagine the smell of his jasmine scented candle filling his senses and lulling him to sleep along with his nightly dose of melatonin that wasn’t always taken nightly.
He hugged himself slightly as he looked up at the sky, the edges of his mouth slowly turning up into an appreciative smile of how serene everything was at that very moment. He wondered what his mom was doing, if she was thinking about Todoroki or if she was dreaming about the goodness of her life. He wondered what his siblings were doing, if they were eating a meal together and enjoying one another’s company. It made him feel sad at times to think about the side of his family he cared about because it was another reminder that he wasn’t with them in person. Becoming a great hero has been a dream of his since he knew how to talk, but the expense of being at an academy by himself sometimes took its toll on the boy. The only person who he could think of finding refuge in from the everyday loneliness he experiences was-
“It's nice out here isn’t it?” A voice sounded, yanking Todoroki from his moment of distraction. His side began to spark and his intuition, or rather a shock, was telling him to use his ice to protect himself from a night campus intruder. He whipped around quickly, wide eyes faltering back to its normal size when he looks down and sees the curious stare of Midoriya Izuku.
“Ah,” Todoroki lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, placing his arms calmly at his sides to ease his dissipating tension, “Yeah. I'm sorry I just had to get away. Parties aren’t really-”
“Your thing?” Izuku tilted his head to the left, looking up at Todoroki with amusement.
Something about the boy always struck Todoroki in a way even he himself was having trouble figuring out. Ever since their interaction at the Sport’s Festival, when Todoroki finally came to some form of the realization that the side of himself he always abandoned didn’t deserve the neglect he taught himself to give, he’s had trouble getting the thought of Midoriya out of his head. How was it possible for someone he just met to change his perspective on one of the biggest flaws of his life? Why was it so easy then for Midoriya to save Todoroki from himself?
“You asked me this before you know.” Midoriya mindlessly giggled as he finished his cup of frozen yogurt, “It'’s easy to save someone who makes it clear they need to be rescued.”
And why did Midoriya mean so much to him because of that?
“I told them to not throw you a party,” Midoriya started, scratching behind his neck to carry on the conversation, “You’ve always seemed like the kind of guy to just dismiss the social standard of celebrating the day you were born.”
Todoroki, in response, let a small smile pick up at the corner of his mouth, “Do I not seem like the type to play beer pong?”
Silence captured them both until the shorter boy let out a bark of laughter, causing Todoroki to slightly flinch at the loud outburst. Midoriya hunched over and grabbed his knees, trying to ground himself from the sudden attack. After a few seconds, he let out a sigh of relief, hoisting himself back up to look straight at Todoroki. His face was slightly pink from the blood flow of holding his head down and his green hair was in a windswept position that seemed to get worse as Japan’s cool breeze caressed his hair.
“I apologize for the laughing, I just didn’t think you knew anything about American fraternity hobbies.” Midoriya waved his hand side to side as a means to excuse himself, “But I didn’t follow you out here to make casual conversation.”
“Well I actually heard it from Mineta but-” A ramble was beginning to erupt before the taller boy realized what he just heard, “Follow me? You were following me?”
You can’t expect to surpass All Might if you’re such an easy target, Shouto! Now again, evade my attack! If I can land a hit on you you’re not eating dinner for the next two days!
“No no no not like that!” Midoriya yelped, breaking out into a blush that coated the tips of his ears, “I mean yes like that in a way because I saw you leave the conference room after you blew out the candles and I noticed your hands were shaking and I just wanted to make sure you were ok because whenever my hands shake it’s normally because I'm having an anxiety attack or I'm withdrawing from coffee after a night of studying or-”
“Or?” Todoroki edged on, unconsciously moving an inch closer to Midoriya’s body.
“I just wanted to make sure you were ok, Todoroki." He admitted, blowing air out of his nose and looking down as if he’s been defeated, “Today..today is your birthday but you’re out here and you’re alone . I understand if you need space but I couldn’t just not check on you.”
By the end of his confession, Midoriya was looking at him, pleading for the taller boy to see where he was coming from in his concern for one of his best friends. He was biting the inside of his mouth, tugging it slightly so his bottom lip pulled in and Todoroki didn’t know why but it angered him to see someone so worried for his wellbeing.
"Stop, that’s enough. He’s sick, he doesn’t need to train anymore!”
“I’ll decide when he doesn’t need training woman, now back the hell up before I have to make you. Come on, Shouto, I won’t ask you twice!”
He could feel his hands start to shake again, his fingertips coming close to spouting off bits of flames or ice as a means to remind him that he was pushing his mental limit and would soon crack. Todoroki knew that Midoriya’s intentions were in the right place, and maybe he should calm his fears by just telling him that all Todoroki wants to do is train. He’s tried before to stop training because he knew how it would make him feel the following morning: hollow, detached, and prideful. For some malicious reason, the voice in his head that sounded oddly like Endeavor liked to remind him that he was the only one working his ass off every night and for that, he should be proud. But how could he be proud when there were people like Midoriya who trained only 4 times a week and still managed to surpass the expectations of all his peers including himself?
If he had time to just train more.
This conversation was getting in the way of that.
“I need space.” Todoroki spat out, ignoring the sudden hitch in Midoriya’s breath as he was turned around and walked down the school’s steps.
-
Todoroki knew that the next time he’d have class the students would ask him questions about his sudden disappearance. Maybe, he thought, if he just glared at anyone who dared to ask then the rest of them would get the message and not interrogate him about his personal choices. It was currently four in the morning, and after Todoroki took a thirty-minute power nap as a reward for properly mixing his two quirks into one respective tornado, he was ready for another round of training. After taking a shot of an energy drink, he threw on a hoodie and sneakers before making his way out of his dorm room.
Of course, another jumpscare greeted Todoroki in the familiar form of Midoriya Izuku.
“Going somewhere?” He crossed his arms in an authoritative manner, scowling at Todoroki like a mother would her son when he was caught eating sweets after his allotted time.
Midoriya wasn't in the same attire he was in when he followed Todoroki outside. Instead of wearing pants and a t-shirt he was adorned in sweatpants and a warm hoodie with the picture of a giant star embroidered in the middle. His hair was in a bun as well with a pencil holding it together, and in all honesty, Todoroki had to admit he admired this side of Midoriya (fashion-wise) compared to every day Midoriya. It didn’t change the fact that it was currently the asscrack of dawn and the smaller boy was beaming as if he just caught a criminal in the middle of their scheme.
“I’m going to mind my business, are you headed there too?” Todoroki asked, sarcastically grinning at the boy as he brought his arm above his head and leaned against his doorframe.
“Someone’s snippy when he doesn’t get sleep,” Midoriya grumbled to himself before directing himself back to Todoroki, “And no, I came here to get you back into bed. Do you think I didn’t know you trained every day during this hour? Ha! Well looks like the joke is on you.”
"Someone's snippy when he doesn’t get sleep.”
Someone’s a little manic when he doesn’t get theirs.
Todoroki examined Midoriya further and noticed how he was slightly bouncing where he stood, teetering on his feet and allowing the flyaway hairs that didn’t make the cut into his bun to bounce freely. Something in Todoroki told him to just skip this morning of training, to take this opportunity of a manic and possibly caffeinated All Might spawn badgering him to sleep and actually relax. But there was another voice battling his fatigued subconscious for dominance, telling him that if he didn’t train then he would never get his hero license and he really will become the disappointment his father always warned him he’d be.
“You look edgy when you stare off into space like that.” Midoriya giggled, “Like a moody vampire wanting to chomp down on me because I'm your special human or something. Ignore me, it’s early in the morning and I normally don’t bounty hunt Todorokis.”
“You need to sleep, and I need to train.” Todoroki finalized and bent down slightly as if he was talking to a child; “It’s time for us to go our separate ways, but seeing as though you’re close to falling over I will escort you to your room.”
Before he could make the effort to close the door behind him, Midoriya went under his raised arm and ventured into his room. Hearing the sound of Midoriya giggling like a madman behind him, Todoroki had to recollect himself as he took in the insane amount of speed the smaller boy just exerted for the sole purpose of getting into his room. Was Midoriya capable of controlling his quirk even when he couldn’t control his impulses? How riveting.
He turned around to see Midoriya sitting criss-cross on his bed, staring at Todoroki with a childlike yet expectant gaze. Although he wanted to be partially immature and just leave the boy here to his own devices, he knew to go off and satiate his habits were selfish considering the circumstance. Todoroki sighed wantonly and closed his door before making his way to Midoriya and kneeling before him as a dad were to kneel in front of their son. The shorter boy stared at Todoroki silently, a light blush coating his cheeks as the seconds passed and his freckles became less visible.
“This is my first time drinking coffee with an energy shot,” Midoriya whispered, eyes darting around the room as if Todoroki’s candles had ears, “It was the only way I could get myself to stay up this long and wait outside your door.”
Wait outside his what?
“Your door, out there.” Midoriya pointed, “Anyway, I think I was on to something by coming here like this because now you’re in here with me and not out there working your ass off for a spot you’re already guaranteed the moment you leave this school for good. And before you ask, yes you said that question out loud. Ha, and Kacchan thinks I'm weird.”
His hands were clasped together with an expression Todoroki could only describe as pride. Midoriya was happy knowing that him going off his rocker for a classmate worked out the way he wanted it to regardless of how it affected his own health. He wanted to make a remark about how Midoriya should worry about his own health before coming to Todoroki and trying to lecture him on how he was neglecting his, but then he fully heard what the smaller boy said.
Working your ass off for a spot you’re already guaranteed the moment you leave this school for good.
“I'm confused what do you-”
“Oh don’t give me that.” Midoriya waved off, untangling his legs and laying with his head facing the ceiling, “You’re extraordinary , Todoroki. Your abilities and the control over your own power have exceeded the expectations of our professors and classmates. You have every hero agency begging for your partnership and on top of that you’re the son of the number two hero, no matter how crappy he is on a personal level.”
Was that true? Was every hero agency on the edge of their seat to have Todoroki just think about sitting in their chair? Were his abilities, controls, and strategies as desired as Midoriya confessed? At times his reasoning caught up to him, telling Todoroki that he worked himself too hard and that every little thing about him didn’t need improving..just acceptance. Like, he needed to accept that it would take a while for him to fully detach the idea of his father from his flames and he needed to accept that not sleeping for more than half a day throughout an entire week was going to kill him faster than any villain would in a day.
With a moment of submission, and the latent need to be close to the boy, Todoroki laid down beside Midoriya in his bed and joined him as he stared up at the ceiling.
“You know, you’re one to talk.” Todoroki replied, “Every day we’re out training Aizawa grows more proud of you. You never fail to become better each and every time your limits are tested. It’s hard to compete with that, especially when you don’t know how.”
“Then stop competing,” Midoriya stated, answering in such a tone that the taller boy knew he saw it as such a clear and obvious route. He could feel the dip in the bed as Midoriya hoisted his head and laid on his side while his left arm supported his skull, and he could definitely feel his eyes boring into Todoroki’s face.
“It’s not that easy you know.” Todoroki scoffed, trying to mentally evict the blush that was rising to his cheeks after his brain acknowledged Midoriya was looking at him again. He began to feel small under his study, noting how the shorter boy was analyzing the way Todoroki's eyelashes fluttered when he blinked and how little red and white strands of his hair moved as his ceiling fan spun.
“Of course it is,” He responded, “When you no longer view the way you live as being part of a competition then there’s no way you’d lose. The first day I came here I was intimidated by the fact that everyone here was so much more acquainted with their quirk and, like you, I felt that my training was in vain because someone was always going to be better than me.”
“Don’t you still feel like that every day? Bakugo always finds a way to challenge you about something, and you always play along.” Todoroki pointed out, reminiscing when, just the other week, Bakugo was barking at Midoriya at how he could get more airtime jumping from buildings than the latter.
“I play along for Kacchan because I know it helps him, silly.” Midoriya dismissed, waving his free hand nonchalantly as a way to dismiss Todoroki’s accusation, “Kacchan is the type of person that needs a reason to fight, don’t make that face you know what I mean. When he doesn't allow himself to feel challenged he sees no purpose in acting. In a way, that also pushes me to improve my abilities because if I fall behind his expectations then he won’t see a reason to surpass mine .”
“Is that why you’re here? Have I fallen behind your expectations?” Todoroki defensively grilled, growing frustrated with himself for immediately thinking about Endeavor and his multiple instances where he never failed to let him know how much of a fuck up he was.
“Exact opposite quite honestly.”
“Shouto, don’t cry. You’re nothing like your father and I’m so proud you’ve grown into such a wonderful, goal-oriented young man. The environment I was in was full of hatred, and although I like to think I was above that I can’t excuse myself for hurting you that day. You’ve done so well in going above and beyond without me having to watch over you. Shouto, you make me so proud."
He didn’t mean to have his breath jerk the way it did, but Todoroki thinks it got his emotions across.
“Since the day you came here you’ve done nothing but give me reasons to try my hardest to be the hero I’ve always wanted to be. But now that we’re friends, it seems that the spark I’ve seen in you is dying down. I want to know why you’re putting your health at risk because of your insecurities, Todoroki.” Midoriya explained, timidly placing his hand on Todoroki’s head and placing his flyaways back in their segregated places.
The taller boy sighed into his touch, no longer badgering himself for allowing moments of peace like this engulf him. If he had the choice he would gratefully drown in all that Midoriya had to offer him and never come up for air.
“I don’t even know anymore,” Todoroki admitted, closing his eyes as Midoriya began lightly scratching at his scalp, “These past few months I’ve been allowing myself to go into a deep end in with my fear of inadequacy, but when confronted with facts it makes it seem obvious that I let irrationality drive me without noticing.”
“With that being said,” Midoroiya questioned, “Do I have permission to pull a stunt like this the next time I notice you going off the deep end?”
Todoroki wanted to give a clear cut answer, but his energy shot was beginning to wear off and fatigue was coming back with a vengeance. He vaguely remembers grunting out what he thinks was an agreement, but couldn’t truly recall as he let himself fall asleep.
And if he heard Midoriya quietly laugh and felt his lips on his forehead as a departure statement then no one would ever know. And if he dreamt of Midoriya repositioning Todoroki’s somewhat unconscious body under his warm covers and blowing out his jasmine candle, preventing it from melting all his wax, then no one would ever know. And if Todoroki felt himself, for the first time in over a decade, love again, then no one would ever know.
“Promise me when you get married you’ll let me walk you down the aisle.”
“Ok mom, I promise. Though I’m not sure I’ll be getting married any time soon. I’m only sixteen so you’d have to wait a while.”
“I’ll wait as long as you’ll have me.”
I’ll wait as long as he’ll have me.