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Chapter Text

In spite of losing his parents during his infancy, defeating the Dark Lord, and being labelled as the Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter was a startlingly normal little boy.

Well. Normal is subjective. Especially for a wizard.

At the age of ten, Harry Potter lived in a massive old mansion – his godfather’s – surrounded by said godfather, the ‘devastatingly handsome’ Sirius Black, and his partner in life – “For god’s sake, Sirius, just say that we are married” – Remus Lupin.

Harry was loved by his godfathers, and to a lesser extent by the horrible house elf who refused to leave the house. Sirius had tried to give Kreacher clothes, but Kreacher kept dodging him and the socks that Sirius kept throwing at him. Instead, he continued to be old and crotchety and called Harry “Hadrian”, as befitting a proper wizard.  

Harry’s full name was Harry James Ichabod Potter-Black. When Sirius adopted Harry, he had decided to add the ‘Ichabod’ and hyphenate his shiny new son’s name.

Harry lived in Grimmauld Place, surrounded by the portraits of the Black family long past, Kreacher, and his very own little family. It was bliss.

Until he met Draco Malfoy.

***

Draco Malfoy was the most spiffing chap to ever be a chap, or so he thought.

He was from the Noble House of Malfoy, and he could not be prouder of the fact.

Seriously, he was so proud.

Draco grew up surrounded by the careful smiles and gentle head pats of his mother, and the stern patrician gaze of his father, who could not quite believe that he had sired a child who was quite so loud.

Nevertheless, Draco was happy, for all that his best friends were Crabbe and Goyle. He didn’t think that the boys knew how to speak – they certainly couldn’t read – but that was alright. Draco was smart enough for them.

The young Malfoy led a blessed life, going for walks in the rose garden, tormenting his tutors, chasing the peacocks, and always being surprised when they chased him in turn.

Until he met Harry Potter.

***

“Wow, I’m going to Hogwarts,” Harry whispered for the hundredth time since he had received his official letter. Remus looked down at his godson/stepson bemusedly and fought the urge to cuddle his bug-eyed little child. The glasses that Harry wore only amplified the bug-eyed image.

Cute, oblivious, little bug, Remus thought cheerfully.

Sirius looked just as excited. “You’re going to Hogwarts,” he whispered back, and both he and Harry fell into delighted titters of glee. Remus rolled his eyes and led his tiny family through Diagon Alley to get supplies for Harry’s school year.

“We just need Harry’s robes and his wand,” Remus said, checking the list. Remus loved lists.

“We’ll do robes first,” Sirius said, leading them to Madam Malkin’s. “Hallo Mary!” He called to Madam Malkin, who looked up. “Getting school robes for the sprog!”

“Ah wonderful,” Madam Malkin said. “Hop up to the stool, Mr. Potter, there’s another young man being fitted as well.”

Harry went behind the screen and hopped onto a stool. He looked over to see a very pointy blonde boy being fitted for robes. Harry noted that they were a very luxurious velvet material, definitely not regulation Hogwarts robes.

“Hello,” Harry said. “Those aren’t Hogwarts robes, are they?”

The boy looked over. “Oh no, mother says that I have to get fitted for dress robes. I grew out of my old ones.”

Harry reached over and felt the velvet. “It’s very soft,” he said. “It must be crazy expensive, I’ve only seen stuff like this is Sirius’ great grandfather’s closet.”

The boy’s eyes bugged out. “Did you say ‘Sirius’? You don’t mean Sirius Black, do you?”

“Yeah, he’s my godfather and father.”

“Then surely you are Harry Potter!”

“Yeah I am,” Harry said, bracing for the effusive praise accorded to the Boy Who Lived.

The boy puffed up comically. “Well met, Harry Potter. I am Draco Malfoy, second of the name, of the Noble House of Malfoy.”

Harry squinted at the name. “I’ve seen that name before,” he said, before his memory clicked into place. “Oh! You’re on the tapestry at home!”

Draco puffed up further, increasing his resemblance to a smug pufferfish. “Indeed! I am a scion of House Malfoy and the maternal son of House Black, hailing from the-“

“Harry?” Remus’ voice rang out. “Are you done yet, pup?”

“Almost,” Harry said, watching the pins and needles work frantically around his arms, tailoring his robes to fit him. Remus and Sirius peeped in and smiled.

“Oh good. We should really be going to get your wand.” Remus said, looking at Harry. “You look very smart.”

Harry beamed. “Thanks. This is Draco,” he said, pointing at the little boy next to him being smothered in expensive velvet. At the sight of Draco, Sirius’ face fell. “Draco’s going to Hogwarts too, but these are his dress robes.”

“Hello Draco,” Remus said kindly. “You’re looking very handsome in your robes. Blue is very much your colour.”

At the praise, Draco puffed back up from where he had been staring sulkily at Sirius. “Oh! Why thank you, I chose the colour myself.”

“Remus,” Sirius groaned, “stop fraternizing with the enemy!”

“Don’t be so ridiculous,” Remus hushed him, “Draco is a child, he is no one’s enemy.”

“Not so,” Draco piped up. “Father told me that he is rather set against Black, here. He called him ‘pinheaded’ and ‘a stooge’.”

“Is that so?” Sirius glared. “Well, you can relay to your father that I think that he-“

“Oh stop it,” Remus grit out. “You are not to take out your anger on the children. If fact,” he said, prodding Sirius’ chest, “no pudding for you tonight!”

Harry and Draco gasped. No pudding was a most terrible punishment. Clearly, Sirius thought so as well, as he gasped tremulously. “Moony no!”

“Moony yes,” Remus said seriously. “That should teach you about siring grudges in front of the children. Harry dear, let’s go, we need to get your wand.”

“Bye Draco,” Harry said, hopping off. “See you at school.”

“Indeed, fair tidings to you as well, Potter,” Draco called back. “Farewell, Potter’s nice guardian.”

“My name is Remus, dear.”

“Well noted. I am not supposed to talk to you, Black,” Draco said, turning his nose up at Sirius.

“Oh Merlin, can we go now,” Sirius hissed, dragging his husband and child out of the shop, glad to be rid of what he was certain was a tiny bigot in the making.

The acquisition of Harry’s wand was unnecessarily dramatic, and Remus might have killed Ollivander for mentioning Voldemort on such a special day. Sirius was actively growling as he had Remus and Harry away. “-gigantic tit, who does he think he is anyway? He just wants to spice up his ‘mysterious’ image, honestly-“

“Look, it’s Draco,” Harry said. He was pointing to Madam Malkin’s, where Draco Malfoy was sitting on the stoop of the now closed shop with his purchases, looking slightly lost. Harry ran up to him. “Hi Draco! Why’re you sitting out here?”

Seeing the Black family, Draco immediately schooled his face into one of aloofness. “Oh, what ho, Potter, I am simply waiting for my father. He has presumably been drawn away by some business, I am sure that he will return soon enough.”

Remus looked around before biting his lip. “Draco, how long have you been sitting here?”

“Not long,” Draco tried.

“The truth, kid,” Sirius frowned.

Draco deflated like a tiny, evil balloon. “An hour.”

Remus looked at Sirius, and Harry saw them have one of their famous silent arguments. Eventually, Remus cleared his throat. “You must be hungry Draco, it’s almost time for tea. Why don’t we get ice cream at Fortescue’s, and Sirius will send a patronus to your mum so that she knows to pick you up.”

Draco looked uncertain. “But…father-“

“Well, we don’t know where he is,” Sirius grunted as he conjured his patronus. A gigantic wolf took shape and looked solemnly at his creator. “To Narcissa Isabelle Malfoy,” Sirius dictated, “your sprog was alone in Diagon, so Remus and I have taken him for ice cream. Please note that I have been validated in my belief that your spouse is useless.” The patronus loped off as Remus chivvied Harry and Draco into the ice cream shoppe.

“Harry, what flavor would you like?” Remus asked.

“Erm, chocolate please,” Harry said, smiling up at Fortescue.

“And you, Draco?”

Draco dithered. “Strawberry please,” he said quietly. Sirius had secured them a table on the balcony, and he watched as Harry tried to distract Draco with conversation, while Remus watched the children. Soon enough, a graceful swan patronus descended upon them, and spoke in Narcissa’s voice.

“I am coming to pick Draco up,” the bird said, before vanishing.

Sirius grunted. “Thanks ever so for rescuing my son, Sirius, while my own husband abandoned our progeny in the middle of Diagon Alley where he could have been picked up and turned into potions ingredients-“

Draco squeaked.

“No one is going to become potions ingredients,” Remus said firmly, and glared at his husband. “Eat your ice cream, Sirius.”

Within a  minute, Narcissa Malfoy was striding towards them. She was the picture of poise, her worry only betrayed by the slight crease between her eyebrows. “Draco,” she said, her voice strained but even.

Draco perked up. “Good evening mother,” he said. “I have my new robes and I met Harry Potter!”

“Hi Mrs. Malfoy,” Harry chirped.

“Mother, Potter was telling me about how he has a herb garden at his home. He says that he has a row of ultra-venomous tentactula!”

Narcissa smiled tightly. “Yes. The Black Gardens have always had an…interesting array of plants.” She turned deliberately to Remus. “Thank you for picking up my son.”

“You’re welcome,” Sirius said loudly before Remus could reply.

“I was at a prior engagement and trusted that Lucius would deliver Draco safely home. I was mistaken, it appears,” she continued, still ignoring Sirius.

“It was no trouble,” Remus said politely. “Draco is a very sweet young man.”

Draco perked up at the praise and beamed at all and sundry. “Well noted, Lupin.”

Narcissa put her hand on Draco’s head. “We should be heading home. Draco, say goodbye to your new friends.”

“Good evening to you, Potter. I shall see you at Hogwarts. Perhaps we shall correspond by owl before that? I rather like having friends who can talk sensibly. Crabbe and Goyle certainly can’t, and Pansy is only interested in the latest ramblings of Witch Weekly.”

“Sure,” Harry said. “I’ll owl you. See you later!”

Draco then turned to Remus and Sirius. “Farewell Mr. Lupin and Black. Thank you for getting me ice cream and calling me sweet. It was very nice.”

Remus smiled and stepped on Sirius’ foot before he could ruin the moment. “It was a pleasure, Draco. I hope you have a lovely time at Hogwarts.”

Draco turned to his mother, who looked slightly bemused at her son conversing politely with a known werewolf. “Come Draco,” she said, and taking her son’ hand, she disapparated.

Remus hummed and took a spoonful of his ice cream. “Sweet little boy,” he said lightly.

“Yeah, well, he won’t remain one when Lucius gets his evil claws into him,” Sirius harrumphed. “Harry, don’t be friends with him.”

Seeing Harry’s tiny face fall, Remus quickly interrupted. “Harry, you be friends with whomever you want,” he said. “Remember to treat everyone kindly.”

“But don’t let anyone run roughshod over you,” Sirius cautioned.

Seeing Harry’s confusion, Remus sighed. “Just be yourself, pup,” he said. “You’re lovely as is.”

Harry’s answering smile was all the answer he needed.

***

Meanwhile, at Malfoy Manor…

“YOU LEFT OUR SON IN THE MIDDLE OF DIAGON ALLEY, LUCIUS MALFOY, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU-“

Lucius ducked the vase that was chucked at his head. “I only went to Gringotts to discuss a business proposal! Marius Fawley is not an easy man to get a hold of-“

“DRACO WAS PICKED UP BY A WEREWOLF! A WEREWOLF WHO FED HIM ICE CREAM!”

“-Draco should have known better than to go along-“

“DON’T YOU DARE TRY AND BLAME MY SON WHEN YOU ABANDONED HIM! HE IS NOW WRITING LETTERS TO THEM!”

“Well, I-“

The latest projectile connected with Lucius’ head, and silence fell briefly over Malfoy Manor. Meanwhile, Narcissa continued to seethe.

***

Dear Potter,

I very much enjoyed spending time with you yesterday. Mother was quite distraught yesterday after we got home, she threw things at father and screamed lots. It was quite dramatic, the house elves popped some corn kernels and we watched from the balcony.

Do thank your guardian (Lupin, not Black) for the ice cream and his kind words. Mother says that Lupin is a werewolf and would have eaten me, but I do not believe so. I thought werewolves were supposed to be ferocious? Lupin does not fit the stereotype at all.

Also did he sneak a chocolate bar into my bag? I found this thing called a ‘snickers’. I didn’t eat it, father thought Black may have poisoned it.

Do write back.

Draco Malfoy

***

Dear Draco,

I liked spending time with you too! Daddy (Sirius) thinks that we’ll probably be in different houses at Hogwarts, he keeps sneaking up behind me and hooting “Ooooh Hufflepuff ooooh”, like a ghost.

Daddy (Remus) keeps smacking him, but he hasn’t let up. I think it’s funny.

Daddy (Remus) would not have eaten you, he doesn’t even eat much meat. He’ll nibble at the chicken, but he says that he doesn’t like the taste. I asked about the chocolate, and it was Remus who put it in your bag, he says that he didn’t want you to be hungry because you didn’t finish your ice cream.

I’ll see you at Hogwarts!

Harry

***

Dear Mr. Lupin,

Harry has informed me that you put the chocolate bar in my bag. Unfortunately, I did not get to eat it because father thought that it was poisoned and made Dobby test it by eating it.

(Dobby is our house elf. He is still alive. Father was mildly upset by this).

I also wanted to thank you for being kind to me when father abandoned me in Diagon Alley. He said that he did not mean to, but between the two of us, it was a bit scary when the shops were closing and everyone was going home.

(Mother threw a baroque chair at him).

Draco Malfoy

***

Dear Draco,

It was very nice to meet you. I do hope that you and Harry remain friends in Hogwarts.

I am sorry that you dd not get to eat the chocolate, but perhaps your father is right to be a bit paranoid. You are, after all, and Heir to a noble house.

Your letter made Sirius laugh, and he called you a ‘moderately good egg’. I think that you are a lovely little man and should you ever need anything, you can tell Harry to talk to me on your behalf, or email me yourself. After all, Sirius is somewhat your uncle, which would make me your almost-aunt.

I apologize, I don’t understand the family tree tapestry. The connections are rather confusing.

Yours Truly,

Remus Lupin

***

Dear Mr. Lupin,

Family trees are very confusing as we are very inbred.

I think that I am related to Crabbe and Goyle. This horrifies me.

On a happier note, I am also related to Potter, we have a great grandmother in common, I think. Sirius Black is my cousin once-removed.

May I write to you at Hogwarts? Only, I am going to be with Crabbe and Goyle, and I don’t think Potter will be sorted into Slytherin. Pansy will be with me, but she is a girl, and is very odd as a result. Millie Bulstrode tried to sit on me once, so I shall steer clear of her.

Draco Malfoy.

***

Dear Draco,

Of course you may write to me, I shall be glad to hear from you.

I have attached another Snickers Bar to this letter. It is not poisoned.

Yours Truly,

Remus Lupin

***

Dear Daddy and Daddy,

Hogwarts is awesome! A ghost went through me and it made me really cold! I got sorted into Gryffindor like the both of you, and dad and mum! I’m with Ron Weasley and Neville Longbottom, and another couple of boys named Seamus and Dean. They’re very nice, but Professor McGonagall is making Seamus take extra lessons because apparently coming to Hogwarts awakened his dormant pyromancer abilities. Seamus said a ton of bad words in an Irish accent, it was fun.

Dean like to play football. He is a muggleborn, and brought a football with him. I told him about quidditch, but he says that he is going to form the first ever Hogwarts Football League. I’m going to sign up, it sounds fun!

Draco went to Slytherin, but he was a hatstall! I caught up with him after the feast and he was looking very pale, and said that the hat had mentioned Hufflepuff as a strong option for him. Then professor Snape came and carried Draco away because he was fainting.

Professor Snape is mean.

First day of classes tomorrow! Hope you are well, and tell Kreacher I said hi! He’ll probably scream, ha ha.

Love,

Harry.

***

Dear Harry-pup,

We are so glad to hear that you love Hogwarts! We’re very glad that you got into Gryffindor.

- Harry, check under the bed, I carved my name into one of them, you might have my old bed!!! – Sirius

- Sirius, don’t glorify vandalism. – Remus

Remember to be polite to your teachers and be well prepared for classes. Even Snape, who can admittedly be a bit tetchy. Be especially well prepared for his class.

- He’s a great big tit –

- Sirius don’t call people names! Oh, I knew that a dictaquill was a bad idea. –

We are very glad to hear that you’ve made friends in your dorm-

- A pyromancer! I’m a pyromancer too! – Sirius

It is rather nice that you managed to find Draco. I hope that he recovers from the shock. The hat tried to place us both in Ravenclaw originally-

- Because I am very smrt! –

- Stop interrupting, Sirius, my god. –

As I was saying, it’s really your choice that matters, pup, and Daddy and I know that you’ll always make good choices. Write back to us soon!

Love you lots,

Daddy Remus and Daddy Sirius

***

Dear Draco,

How are you? Harry told us that you had a bit of a fright with the hat trying to put you into Hufflepuff. I do hope that you have recovered now.

The hat can sometimes do that. It originally wanted to put me into Ravenclaw, but I asked for Gryffindor. Sirius almost went to Ravenclaw too, but he screamed during the sorting ceremony. I have never seen someone’s jaw unhinge to that extent before.

What really matters is your choice – and like I told Harry, your choices are what define you. I know that you will make good ones, because as it has been said before, you are a good egg.

Yours Truly,

Remus Lupin.

***

Draco received the letter and spent the rest of the day grinning like a slug in some slime, because Remus had called him a good egg.

***

Dear Mr. Lupin,

Thank you for your letter and the chocolate bar. Kit-Kats are very nice.

I have been taking care of Harry, especially in potions. I think he may need new eyeglasses or something, he can see the board very well, and they fog up from the steam quite a bit. I made enemies with Weasley because I took Harry as my potions partner first.

Weasley had to partner with Granger. Her hair is awful, I think that it was growing and trying to eat Weasley’s face.

I partnered with Harry in defense as well. I don’t like Quirrell, he smells like raw garlic and is as motivating as a wet mouse. Harry says that Quirrell’s classroom gives him headaches. Quirrell gives me headaches too, because I have to try and understand him through his stuttering.

Hope you are well,

Draco

***

Dear Daddy Remus,

Draco had a kit-kat. Did you send him the chocolate? He was smiling, and it made him look even pointier.

I love classes! I managed to throw a trip jinx correctly in defence class, but then nearly threw up because Professor Quirrell patted my shoulder and gave me a headache.

Draco has made a formal declaration of enmity with Ron, he stood on a chair and screeched it and everything and used old Gaelic to declare intent and everything. Professor McGonagall made him get down and then Snape carried him away like a bag of groceries.

How has your week been?

Love,

Harry.

***

Dear Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin,

I am pleased to inform you that Harry James Potter-Black has merited an award for services to the school by saving a fellow student from a wild troll.

While I decry his impulsiveness in the strongest terms, I am very proud that Mr. Potter-Black has shown tremendous bravery and quick thinking this night.

Yours Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

Head of Gryffindor House.

***

SIRIUS BLACK AND REMUS LUPIN,

YOU GET DOWN HERE RIGHT THIS MINUTE, YOUR SON HAS GIVEN ME A MIGRAINE WITH HIS ANTICS AND IS TRYING TO MAKE DOE EYES AT ME TO WORM HIS WAY OUT OF TROUBLE!

A TROLL! HE TOOK ON A FULLY GROWN TROLL! IT IS A MIRACLE THAT HE MANAGED TO SURVIVE! I BLAME YOU FOR THIS, YOUR BLASÉ ATTITUDE AND CHAOTIC NATURE HAVE RUBBED OFF ON THIS CHILD TO GIVE Me ANOTHER GENERATION’S WORTH OF HYPERTENSION.

YOURS IN PAIN,

MINERVA MCGONAGALL.

***

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Weasley,

I am pleased to inform you that Ronald Bilius Weasley has merited an award for services to the school by saving a fellow student from a wild troll.

While I decry his impulsiveness in the strongest terms, I am very proud that Mr. Weasley has shown excellent character this night.

I await Mrs. Weasley’s howler with delight.

Yours Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

Head of Gryffindor House.

***

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy,

I am pleased to inform you that Draco Perseus Alain Guillaume Malfoy the Seventh has merited an award for services to the school by saving a fellow student from a wild troll.

I “commend” Mr. Malfoy’s actions this night, and am pleased to see that he has done his house proud.

Await my howler with apprehension.

Yours Sincerely,

Severus Snape

Head of Slytherin House.

***

LUCIUS I CANNOT TAKE THIS, DRACO WENT HARING OFF WITH SOME GRYFFINDORS TO FIGHT A TROLL, I BLAME YOUR LACK OF PARENTING FOR THE BOY’S CONSTANT QUEST FOR ATTENTION AND APPROVAL.

I HAVE CHASTIZED DRACO SEVERELY, AND HAVE FURTHERMORE CHASTIZED THE OTHER TWO MISCREANTS.

I DON’T GIVE A BLOODY TOSS THAT HE IS GETTING AN AWARD, MY SANITY IS AT RISK, I SHAN’T TOLERATE SUCH INANE HEROISM AND MORDRED-DAMNED CHIVALRY-

***

The rest of Snape’s howler will remain a mystery, as one of Lucius’ blasting curses finally hit it from behind the ficus plant that the Malfoy patriarch was hiding behind.

***

“Really, pup,” Remus said severely, as he looked down at a chastised Harry, “why didn’t you go to a teacher? Not that I’m not glad that Miss Granger is safe,” here Remus smiled warmly at Hermione, who was getting more frizzy with every passing second, “but you have to think things through.”

“Sorry daddy,” Harry pouted, “I guess I panicked.”

“We’re very proud that you helped your friend, pup,” Sirius said, bending down to snuggle Harry, who sunk into the dadly embrace. Remus joined in, and for a second, their little family knew peace.

Until Draco.

“Ahem.”

Remus and Sirius looked up in surprise and saw that Draco was standing beside them. Remus smiled and extended his arm for Draco to come over as well. Sirius tried to wriggle away, but Remus’ werewolf strength kept him in place and in close proximity to this new pointy, slightly evil child.

Well. At least Harry was happy.

Chapter Text

Christmas break was…eventful.

In a stunning turn of events, Sirius found himself sat on the sofa next to his lovely child, his darling Harry-

and the Malfoy boy.

Draco was looking very smug indeed as Remus handed him a mug of cocoa and a pair of (Sirius’!) knobbly woolen socks to keep warm.

“Harry,” Sirius hissed.

“Yeah?”

“Why is the Malfoy kid in my house?”

“I suspect Remus invited him over. He is very fond of Draco.”

Sirius stared at the small posh gremlin littering his couch. “Do you think Narcissa knows where he is?”

“Mrs. Malfoy had to attend a luncheon abroad,” Remus said. “She very kindly allowed Draco to spend the night. They boys can decorate the Yule Log when they’re finished their cocoa.”

“Ron is coming too,” Harry said.

“Aren’t you two enemies?” Sirius asked Draco.

Draco nodded. “The rules of the rivalry are that we must sneer at each other on at least a bi-weekly basis, refer to each other only by our surnames, and never allow our families to inter-marry.”

“Shouldn’t be too difficult,” Sirius muttered, as the fireplace jumped to life and spat Ron out.

“Hey Harry, hello Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin, I just- argh,” Ron said, just then spotting Draco. “Why.”

Sirius really liked this Ron kid.

“Draco is spending the night, Ron,” Remus said, coming over to  dust the soot off of him. The fireplace came to life again, this time depositing Ginny.

“Ginny?” Ron goggled. “What’re you doing here?”

“I grabbed some floo powder and followed you,” Ginny grumped. “Mum was going to make me do feminine things and make me wear pink clothes and knit things. I don’t want to knit things, I want to play quidditch and catch frogs!” She wailed.

Remus hurried over and set Ginny on her feet. “There, there,” he said hurriedly, “of course you can play quidditch and catch frogs-“

“Don’t frogs hibernate during the winter?” Draco muttered, only to be pinched by Harry for his logic.

“-we’ll just tell your mother that you’ve popped over so that she doesn’t worry.”

“You should probably spend the night, so that your mum can cool off a bit,” Sirius advised, having borne the brunt of Molly’s anger before. “Harry, go get Ginny and Ron some cocoa, and then you can all decorate the Yule Log together.”

Molly was, predictably, cheesed off that her daughter had shirked her femininity and done a bunk to pal around with some lads. Ginny’s overly saccharine apology went some distance in soothing Molly’s anger, though she was slightly surprised to see Draco Malfoy on the sofa, trying and failing to not look like a baby salamander, wrapped in a blanket and thick socks.

“Er, Sirius dear,” Molly asked, once the children had gone to the sitting room, “may I ask-“

“Why Draco is here?” Sirius finished her sentence. Molly nodded expectantly. “I suspect that the boy has attached himself to Remus, and is trying to infiltrate my family,” he said morosely. “Remus, of course, is a fool, and plies the boy with affection and sweets.”

“Oh,” she said, watching the kids return with a disproportionately large log. “And why is the Yule Log so large?”

“Family tradition,” Sirius shrugged. “We like to go overboard,” he said, as the Black family portraits crowded a frame to shout instructions about decoration and colour schemes.

Meanwhile, Draco was bonding with Ginny. “Excellent manipulative apology back there,” he was saying, “the tears were very convincing.”

“Thanks,” Ginny nodded. “Mum always make me help in the kitchen, but the boys get to chase gnomes. It doesn’t even make sense, because Fred and George are actually great at cooking, and I can’t reach the stove.”

“It’s a sexism thing,” Draco said helpfully.

“Oh. What’s sexism?”

Ron was appalled as Ginny and Draco became fast friends. “Harry,” he said urgently, “do something!”

Harry looked up from arranging the faerie lights (actual faerie eggs strung together) and shrugged. “Draco’s alright, Ron.”

“Excuse me, but this is the same git that went and declared himself my enemy!”

“Yeah, he’s high strung,” Harry agreed. “Ginny likes him though,” Harry noted, turning back to see Malfoy trying to position an ancient blond wig over Ginny’s tiny head.

“That’s my great-aunt Isolde’s wig,” Sirius remarked.

Draco jumped. “My apologies, Lord Black-“

“Please, feel free to destroy it. I loathed the woman.”

Ginny and Draco cheered and went back to playing with the wig. Ron groaned as Draco tried to turn Ginny into his own sister. “Malfoy! Get that off of her head! If mum sees-“

“I’m sure that she will imagine it to be an improvement.”

“Hey! Red hair is very fashionable!”

“Yes, in some shades,” Draco agreed, pointing to the photo of a bemused Lily Potter on the mantle. “Such dark and lustrous hair! Not at all like your stringy Chudley Cannon orange-“

“You take that back about the Cannons!”

“I shan’t, they suck massively.”

Remus sighed happily at the full house and smiled at Sirius. “Isn’t it nice having children?”

Sirius looked over at him. “If you want more, we can always steal Ginny.”

“Sirius.”

“What?”

“Do you really want more kids?”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “Could be nice. Harry could have a baby brother or sister. Kreacher can break out the old Victorian baby robes that he loved to stuff Harry into.”

Remus laughed at the memory of the lacy monstrosity of a baby outfit. “It was pretty cute though.”

“Yeah,” Sirius grinned. “Never thought I’d agree with Kreacher about anything.”

“Let’s lay out the supper things,” Remus said. “The kids must be hungry.”

Supper was a lively affair, with Kreacher crying over the sight of tiny Ginny, convinced that his Mistress Isolde had been reincarnated. Over the roast, Harry looked up at Remus. “Daddy Remus, I was wondering whether you knew anything about the Philosopher’s stone?” He asked, trying to sound innocent.

At Remus’ suspicious gaze, Draco cleared his throat and butted in. “This is no innocent question! For months now, Potter and his cronies-“

“You do realize that I count you as one of said cronies-“

“-silence! Potter and his cronies have tracked the whereabouts of the stone to Hogwarts, and are convinced that Professor Snape is going to steal it!”

Sirius choked on a mushroom. “The stone is at Hogwarts?” He rasped.

“Yeah, Hermione figured it out, she’s aces, she also said that the teachers are guarding the stone, but Snape hasn’t found a way to get past Quirrell’s defenses-“

“Harry,” Remus interrupted. “Even if the stone is at Hogwarts, then I am sure the headmaster has good reason to store it there. You are not to go looking for it-“

“But Snape might steal it!”

“Yeah, Snape might-“ Sirius started up, but fell silent at Remus’ glare. “Snape is a teacher and won’t steal it,” he grumbled, backtracking.

“Harry, you are to focus on your education, do you understand? No haring off after this stone.”

“That’s what I said,” Draco grumbled, causing Ron and Harry to glare at him. Draco was unaffected by this, as Remus was already giving him extra pudding.

Yule was, at least in Draco’s evil little eyes, a success.

***

***

The joy of Yule was short lived with a flurry of letters that the Hogwarts owls and Hedwig deposited on Sirius’ head early one morning in June.

Sirius grabbed the first letter from Harry and read,

Dear Daddies,

Please don’t be mad, I was only doing what I thought was right.

Also I kicked Voldemort’s butt!

Or mum did, I guess. Her love and protection in my blood from her sacrifice, Dumbledore said. I don’t know, I was kind of sleepy when he explained it. But mum kicked butt!

Love,

Harry.

***

Dear Mr. Lupin,

I am incensed in my current position, that being lying prone in the hospital wing after a marble rook smacked my regal head. Weasley (male) is next to me, after he was smacked around by a marble queen. I refer, of course, to chess pieces.

To cut a long story short, Harry dragged myself, Granger, and Weasley-male to protect the Philosopher’s stone. There were a series of challenges and it all culminated with Harry being heroic and oblivious in front of the Dark Lord, who was, apparently, super ugly.

Apparently Harry’s mum did something. Is Mrs. Potter haunting us? If so, can you ask her to give us homework help?

I hope you scold Harry.

I would not say no to a kit-kit.

Draco

***

Dear Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black,

It is a point of pride and pleasure to inform you that your son, Harry James Ichabod Potter has performed a remarkable feat of bravery and fortitude and has faced down the wraith of the erstwhile Dark Lord and ensured the safety of Hogwarts and the Wizarding world with his actions on the night of June 16^th 1992.

Harry sustained some injuries in his battle, but has healed completely. He and his friends who accompanied him – Mr. Ronald Wealsey, Mr. Draco Malfoy, and Miss Hermione Granger, will be awarded for special services to the school.

Hospital wing visiting hours are from 9-5pm daily, we are keeping Harry overnight because the matron thinks that he needs to eat more food, and is feeding him her own homemade shepherd’s pie.

Yours Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

Headmaster

P.S. – Do bring along some of that most excellent muggle chocolate, for I can use it to silence the rather shrill little Mr. Malfoy in the corner bed. His voice carries quite a bit, and he makes frequent bids to move closer to Harry, and consequently, my eardrums.

***

LUPIN AND BLACK, YOU NINCOMPOOPS,

I CARE NOT FOR ANY PLEASANTRIES, FOR THOSE ARE RESERVED FOR PEOPLE WHO DO NOT GALL ME.

HAVE YOU AND YOU SON ANY CONSIDERATION FOR MY BLOOD PRESSURE, I AM AGOG AND AGHAST AT HIS ANTICS, JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU.

SIGNED,

MINERVA MCGONNAGALL

***

“Oh, Harry!” Remus cried, flinging himself over his son, who was looking small and vulnerable, swaddled in the mound of blankets in his hospital bed. “We should have believed you when you told us about the stone over the holidays! I’m so sorry, we’ll never do it again!”

“Hi daddy,” Harry said softly. “Please don’t yell, Professor Snape was just here doing that and he hurt our ears.”

“Madam Pomfrey kicked him out,” Hermione provided as she helped Ron reposition his ice pack on his head. “I shouldn’t say this, but it was rather glorious.”

Sirius leaned over and got his turn to snuggle Harry, which led to Remus drifting over to Draco’s bed, now under a cone of silencio. “Hello Draco,” he said, walking through to sit on his bed. Draco perked up.

“What ho, Lupin. Nice of you to visit.”

Remus smiled. “I brought you some more kit-kats,” he said, producing the chocolates. Draco grinned evilly and accepted.

“Thank you. Uncle Severus brought me naught but his complaints, and mummy brought some marzipan. I don’t like marzipan.”

“I don’t either,” Remus said. “Why are you all the way at the end of the hospital wing? I’ll bring you over to Harry and Ron.” Remus carried Draco over to the bed next to Harry and set him down there, where Sirius groaned at the pointy blonde intrusion.

“What ho, Black.”

“Sigh. What ho.”

“You could be more enthusiastic, I acted as your son’s protector, you know. I was very dashing.”

“He was,” Harry giggled, looking at Sirius, who rolled his eyes.

“Thank you, Draco.”

“Mention not.”

The evening passed with reassurances to the parents, and Draco slowly insinuating himself further into Sirius’ family unit. At this rate, Sirius would have to update the damn family tapestry.

At any rate, the year was over, and Remus and Sirius were glad to be taking Harry home, with Draco undoubtedly finding a way in as well.

Chapter Text

August 15^th 1992 found Harry in Diagon Alley once more, shopping for his second year supplies with Remus and Sirius. Harry was overjoyed to be a second year, he now had a semblance of seniority, this was great and he was going to show his daddies how responsible and grown-up he was.

The family stepped into the apothecary to buy Harry’s potions supplies and all of Harry’s delusions of stoicism and responsibility went out the window when Remus said, “Oh look, Severus is here.”

Harry and Sirius both tried to jump behind the cauldron display to hide, but Remus had already waved at Snape, who sneered back.

“Lupin,” Snape bit out. “And Potter. I’m assuming that Black is also here?”

“He’s in the big silver cauldron,” Harry admitted, when Remus looked askance at him. Remus sighed and knocked on the cauldron.

“Sirius, you are a grown man, come out of that cauldron right now.”

“Is Snivellus gone?” Sirius’ tinny voice echoed from inside.

“No, and he won’t leave till you sack up and say hello to him.”

“I do not wish to greet Black,” Snape snipped.

Just then, a tiny blonde diversion barreled into the fray. “Uncle Sev, I have brought all of my supplies, are we- oh, hello Harry. Hello Mr. Lupin.”

Remus paused in scolding the cauldron to smile at Draco and pat his head. “Hello Draco, it’s lovely to see you. I’m just scolding Sirius here.”

Draco peered into the cauldron at Sirius, who looked up at him balefully. “You should count yourself lucky,” Draco said. “When mummy gets angry at father, she throws the baroque furniture at him. I bet Mr. Lupin doesn’t throw baroque furniture at you.”

“No, he only withholds pudding,” Sirius grumbled, and stepped out of the cauldron. “Hello squirt.”

Draco gasped. He had been insulted!

“That was Sirius showing affection,” Harry said. “That means that he likes you.”

Draco’s eyes bugged out of his head. “He does?”

“Yeah,” Harry affirmed. “Are you shopping alone?”

“No,” Draco said, shaking his head, “father sent me ahead with Uncle Sev to pick up my things. I am to meet him at Le Poulet Bleu for supper at seven.”

“It’s five now,” Remus said. “You can join us for he rest of the day if you’d like-oh,” he paused, seeing Draco already attach himself to his leg like a lamprey. “If Severus doesn’t mind, that is.”

“Professor Snape ran away,” Harry said, pointing to the fleeing figure running past the shop window. “He left when you said ‘join us’.”

“That man, honestly,” Remus muttered, but smiled down at Harry and Draco. “Alright, let’s finish shopping, then!”

Draco and Harry continued to be good kids and went ahead with shopping, occasionally attracting the odd stare from onlookers, who wondered why the Boy Who Lived (and how Harry hated that moniker) and a little Malfoy were doing running around together, occasionally holding hands because they were being unwittingly cute.

Remus took a lot of pictures.

At seven, the Black family dropped Draco off at Le Poulet Bleu. The maître-d nearly fell over himself at the sight of Sirius. “Lord Black! Le Poulet Bleu is honoured to welcome you to-“

Sirius waved him off. “We are not dining in. Just dropping off this little spud,” he said, flicking the back of Draco’s head, mussing the delicately combed back hair.

The maître-d smiled obsequiously. “But of course, Lord Black. At any rate, it is an honour to see you and your consort-“

“Andrew, please,” Remus said with quiet amusement. “We went to school together, I tutored you. I think you can call us Remus and Sirius.”

The maître-d managed to crack a smile. “Ah sure,” he said, dropping the affected posh accent and settling into his natural Northern lilt. “Lovely seeing you two again, and the little one. I know it’s odd, but he does look like Sirius,” he said, smiling down at Harry.

“That’s because Harry is related to the Black family and the Blacks are massively inbred,” Remus sighed.

“True enough,” Andrew said. “I think I have a grandmother who was a Black.”

“Oh lord,” Sirius said, grabbing Harry and running off, not wanting to hear any more about his poor gene pool. Harry giggled at being carried like a basket of laundry, kind of glad that he was still tiny enough to be hefted over Sirius’ shoulder.

“Daddy Sirius, will I get much taller, do you think?”

Sirius, who was quite a tall man himself, shook his head. “Nah, pup. James wasn’t very tall, and Lily was like a ginger mongoose. That is to say, she was teeny weeny. You’re just going to have to settle for being my little baby forever,” he said, twirling Harry around playfully.

Remus found his ridiculous son and husband like this, with Harry flying through the air. Remus frowned. Harry was twelve years old, he was far too light for his age. More vegetable at dinner, then.

“Come on you two,” Remus smiled. “Let’s go home. We can come back to finish our shopping later.”

***

As luck would have it, the day the Black family chose to return to Diagon was the day Gilderoy Lockhart was having his book signing. “What a wet noodle,” Sirius grumbled at the dashing figure of Gilderoy Lockhart. “Stupid, vain, self-aggrandizing-“

“Oh I rather agree,” Draco piped up from somewhere around Sirius’ elbow. Sirius looked down, and wondered how this child kept popping up wherever he was.

“I can’t be Harry Potter!” Lockhart suddenly yelled, beaming in their direction. “But we must have a picture-“

“No,” Remus said firmly, tucking Harry underneath his cloak.

“But this is a monumentous occasion-“

“Daily Prophet, coming through-“

“Excuse me,” Sirius interjected dangerously, silencing the rambunctious crowd, “I thought that my husband made it clear. No. Pictures.”

“We’ll be leaving now,” Remus said loftily, keeping Harry underneath his cloak. Once outside, Harry reemerged, and smiled.

“Wow daddies, you guys sounded so awesome!”

“Truly, they needed to be put in their place, those vile raptors,” Draco sniffed, dusting his robes down. Sirius looked at the boy in consternation.

“Kid, where are your parents?”

“They must still be in the shop,” Draco shrugged. “Oh look, I can see father now. Oh, he’s talking to Weasley Female. Hello Weasley,” he said, waving at Ginny, whom he was fond of.

Ginny grimaced and waved back, pointing up at Arthur and Lucius sniping at each other.

“Ah, it seems that our fathers are engaging in a war of words,” Draco observed. A second later, blood was drawn. “Oh dear, they are now trading blows!”

“Oh honestly,” Remus said agitatedly, covering Draco’s eyes. “Sirius, go and get he Weasley ids out of there-“

No sooner than Remus had spoken did the door to the shop swing open, and Hagrid walk out, dragging the two brawling men behind him. “-honestly, pickin’ a fight in public, what must the little ‘uns have thought?” He deposited the men on the floor and smiled at Remus and Sirius. “Ah, hello lads, bein’ sensible today, are we?”

“Oh yes, we’re very civilized and clever,” Sirius grinned. “We’d never brawl in public, we wouldn’t.”

Hagrid nodded and patted Harry’s head, engulfing his head in the palm of his hand. He went to pat Draco, but recognized the boy. A brief second passed, and Hagrid shrugged and patted Draco’s head as well. Not expecting the strength of the pat, Draco stumbled.

“Oh golly,” he said. “You’re very strong.”

Hagrid laughed. “That I am, little fella’. You’re a sweet one, aren’ yeh?”

Draco grinned like a bullfrog that had just eaten a juicy fly. Ah! The waves of positive affirmation fed his burgeoning ego, he was satiated this day.

Lucius was having none of it. “Draco, come!” He demanded. “I shall not subject myself to this…rabble any longer.” He turned to Ginny and thrust a book at her. “Here, girl, take your book. Clearly it is the best your father can do for you.”

Ginny winced, and looked at Draco, who winced back before being dragged away. Sirius waited until they were a safe distance away before casting a trip jinx on Lucius, sending him sprawling in the dust. Draco looked over his shoulder and looked pointedly at Sirius, who smiled and waved coyly at him.

As Lucius took Draco and disapparated, they could hear the tail end of the conversation. “-not mention anything to your mother, with her fondness for throwing furniture, and her freakish upper body strength-“

As soon as they left, Molly started to get into Arthur’s behavior. “Brawling like a hooligan! And in front of the children! I am so ashamed!”

“He was insulting us, Molly! I can’t take that lying down! Malfoy is a bad egg, you know that he is!”

“It doesn’t matter-!”

“How can you say that?” Arthur thundered. “After everything-“

“Not here Arthur,” Remus said firmly. Sirius reached over to put a calming hand on Arthur’s shoulder. “There’s too many people here.”

“And it’s never wrong to defend yourself, Molly,” Sirius said. “That’s how exploitation begins. It takes the good people to give way for the bad ones to forge ahead. We all have a responsibility to stand up for the right thing.”

There was a gentle murmur from the people gathered. They were all familiar with the many rumors surrounding Lucius Malfoy.

“There are, however, ways to stand up for yourself that don’t involve throwing a punch,” Remus smiled. “How’s your hand, Arthur?”

“Sore,” Arthur pouted.

“Our noble father is injured!” Fred screeched.

“We must tend to him, forsooth!” George cried, ushering their amused father away.

Sirius looked after them with a frown. “That’s not how you use the word ‘forsooth’.”

“They try, dear,” Remus said. “Let’s go home. I’m anticipating a letter.”

***

No sooner than Remus had set the tea tray down, did Draco Malfoy’s owl soar in through the window. Remus smiled and opened the letter.

Dear Mr. Lupin,

I am most shocked and saddened at the scene created by my father and the Weasley father earlier today. They were extremely uncouth, and mother is currently stewing about it. Mrs. Parkinson was in the crowd and told her all about it.

I am worried as to what this will bode for my future relationships. As you know, the Girl Weasley – Ginny, I call her Ginevra, it’s so much more proper – and I are friends. I enjoy providing her with advice about circumventing rules and she is surprisingly malicious.

Would I have to stop speaking with her? Would it be traitorous to my father if I were to continue to be friends with the daughter of his enemy?

I am rather conflicted.

Adults are very nasty sometimes, I do not think that they are fit to run things. I cannot wait until I run things. I can guarantee that things will be better.

Draco

***

Dear Draco,

That was a very thoughtful letter. I continue to be surprised and pleased with our correspondence.

I personally do not think that the bad blood between adults should affect children. If that were the case, then you and Harry would hardly be friends, would you?

I think that you know in your heart of hearts what the right thing to do is, and I have faith that you will continue to make good choices.

Yours truly,

Remus.

***

Dear Ginevra,

Upon thinking about the issue between our fathers, I have come to the conclusions that they are both being silly, and that it should not affect our correspondence or friendship. I, for one, find it refreshing to talk to a girl who does not speak excessively of Witch Weekly and sigh gratuitously over images of Gilderoy Lockhart.

We shall, of course, be sneaky about it.

Draco.

***

Dear Draco,

I agree, adults can be super dumb. Also how dare you even consider ending our friendship, the only way this relationship ends is when you die.

I agree with the need to be sneaky. I will not use Errol (our family owl) to send you letters anymore, then. I’ll ask Fred and George to help put a homing charm on some pigeons.

The pigeon delivering this letter is called Henry.

Love,

Ginny

***

Dear Ginvera,

What did you mean by ‘the only way this relationship ends is when you die’? Why would I die first?

Draco

***

Dear Draco,

Women live longer than men, Hermione told me so. Therefore, I’ll probably outlive you.

Love and hugs,

Ginny

Chapter Text

Harry was off to Hogwarts again, happily cozied up in the train. It was a bit chilly, and Harry got out the thick woolen cloak that Daddy Remus had knit (while several portraits of older Black ladies yelled criticism at him). Hermione and Ron appeared in the doorway, and faced off with each other.

“Dibs on Harry!” Hermione yelled.

“Dibs on- ah hell,” Ron grumped, as Hermione squeaked happily and burrowed into the cloak along with Harry, making them look like a (very cute) Eldritch abomination, with fused bodies.

Ron was left to suffer the cold alone.

Until Draco.

“What ho, all,” Draco said, swanning in with Crabbe and Goyle. “Well, it is a bit nippy in here!” He declared. Goyle grunted and picked Draco up, placing him between Crabbe and himself, where Draco purred like a contented kitten.

“Hello Crabbe and Goyle,” Hermione said. “Here are those recordings that I promised.”

Goyle took the CDs and a CD player that Hermione was holding out. “Thanks,” he said, sounding genuinely happy. Seeing the befuddled looks from around the carriage, he explained, “Hermione offered to read aloud the textbooks for me and Crabbe. I said that I’d pay to make her a library card to the London Magical Library.”

Draco looked stunned. “Are you…friends, now then?”

Crabbe nodded. “Yup. Friends do nice stuff for each other. So we’re friends.”

“And your parents don’t mind?”

“Well they don’t know, do they?” Goyle said pointedly (or as pointedly as he could, seeing that he was a rather…rounded sort of lad). “We were sneaky.”

“We were being Slytherin about it,” Crabbe affirmed.

“Besides, Hermione’s mum made us scones.”

Draco fell out of his chair and bonked into Ron. “You went to Granger’s house?” He shrieked.

Goyle nodded. “Yeah. Hermione’s mum made us scones.”

“Yes, you said that, but why?” Draco demanded, extricating himself from Ron’s lap.

“We had to rewrite the exams,” Goyle said. “Hermione was helping us study.”

Draco was stunned. His friends had gone on an adventure into muggle London while he had to stay in the manor and be chased by peacocks. “You passed, then?”

“Yup,” Goyle said. “Professor Snape was weird. He kept giving us veritaserum and asking us if we felt alright.”

Throughout this whole tale, Ron was struggling to not burst out in laughter. “My summer was fun too,” he said. “My dad and Malfoy’s dad got into it in Diagon Alley.”

Draco groaned and flopped over in shame, while Ron weaved a tale for the ages. All too soon, the train pulled up at the station, and the little motley gang were set to begin their second year at Hogwarts.

***

Dear Daddy and Daddy,

How are you? I am doing well. The start of term feast was so fun! You won’t believe what happened though-

Ginny got sorted into Slytherin!

I know, right!?

Percy was crying, but Fred and George were giving her a standing ovation, and calling her a rebel without a cause. Ron was a bit nonplussed, I think, but he seemed alright once he realized that Draco really likes Ginny and vice versa, and he’d look after her, in his weird, Draco-like way.

Draco was awfully pleased about it. Ginny’s been hanging out with him and Crabbe and Goyle, they get on together like a house on fire.

I’m a bit worried about her though – will Mr. and Mrs. Weasley be alright with her sorting? Draco was worried about the same. He offered to unofficially kidnap Ginny if it was necessary.

Write back soon! I miss you both!

Love,

Harry.

***

Dear Harry-pup,

We heard about Ginny’s sorting too, it’s been making waves. It’s very thoughtful of you and Draco to think about the repercussions of her sorting.

Molly and Arthur are quite alright with it – there have been a couple of Weasleys being sorted into Slytherin and Ravenclaw in the past. I believe that a lesser branch of Molly’s family, the Prewetts, historically went to Slytherin quite a lot of the time.

They’re a bit confused that Draco has been writing to them, although Molly thinks that it’s sweet. Arthur is just amused, I think.

Daddy Sirius and I miss you a lot. Remember to study hard and write often.

Love,

Daddy and Daddy

***

To the desk of the Weasley Patriarch Arthur Weasley, and Weasley Mariarch, Molly Weasley nee Prewett,

Draco Malfoy sends you good tidings.

I am sure that you would have been informed that your daughter, Ginevra, has been sorted into Slytherin. I am writing to you to assure you of her continued well being under my wing, wherein she truly thrive and grow into her full potential.

Already, she has learned to sneer most effectively!

If you have any qualms with your daughter’s sorting, do not hesitate to tell me so, as I will then proceed in my plans to make her a part of my own family.

Yours Sincerely,

Draco Malfoy.

***

Arthur looked up from Draco’s letter with a boggled expression. “He…wants to make Ginny his sister, I think.”

“Oh lord,” Molly huffed. “That child. Good grief. Don’t reply yet, let’s read Ginny’s letter first,” she said, and gestured to the rather harebrained pigeon that was bouncing around the sitting room, Ginny’s letter till in its beak. “Why does she use pigeons to deliver mail?” Molly burst out. “There are plenty of owls- aha!” Molly cried, having snagged the letter. She opened it and read,

“Dear Mum and Dad,

If Draco sent a letter, please ignore it. He’s been especially pleased and pointy since I was sorted into Slytherin.

Speaking of which, I was sorted into Slytherin.

Professor Snape is seriously cool, he’s got a real swishy cloak. I’m going to ask him where he got it.

Love,

Ginny.”

Molly looked up. “Arthur, it’s hopeless,” she said, “they’re all stupid.”

Arthur grinned and patted his wife’s shoulder. “That’s what school is there to correct. Let’s reply, shall we?”

***

Dear Draco,

As Ginny’s parents, we will always love her, regardless of where she is sorted. This is called unconditional love. If ever you have a child, and they are sorted into Hufflepuff, you would still love them just the same, wouldn’t you?

As glad as I am to hear that you and Ginny are friends, I must draw the line at trying to take her as part of your family. You may, however, join us for Sunday brunch over the holidays if your parents permit it.

(Not likely, sorry lad – Arthur).

Molly Weasley

***

Dear Ginny,

Congratulations on your sorting dear! Dad thinks that you’ll probably become Minister of Magic with all of the sneaky things you will learn.

Be good and study hard – do NOT listen to Fred and George – and try your best in all your subjects.

Love,

Mum and Dad

***

Ginny went up to Professor Snape and stood next to him. Despite his best efforts, Severus could not ignore the child forever.

“Can I help you, Miss Weasley?” Snape gritted out.

Ginny grinned impishly. “Your cloak is very swish, Professor. Where did you get it?”

Snape’s eyebrows constricted. “It is my mother’s.”

“Oh. My mum’s cloaks aren’t nearly so cool, they’re red and feminine. I like your mum’s taste better. Did she make the cloak?”

“Yes…”

“Wicked,” Ginny said. “Do you think that she could teach me to make swish cloaks?”

“No.”

“Aw.”

***

Christmas morning that year, Ginny would receive a tiny, swish, black cloak of her very own from one Madam E. Prince.

Later that afternoon, Severus found a rather ugly frog on his desk in a glass cage, with a note on top.

“We use frog slime in potions quite a lot, and you always say that fresh is better. Happy Yule/Christmas Professor!

-Ginny

P.S. – His name is Henri”

Snape put the note down at looked at Henri the frog. Then, he smiled.

In it’s cage, Henri wilted and gulped, properly terrified.

***

Then Harry began to hear voices.

***

Dear Daddy and Daddy,

Something strange happened today. I was in detention (sorry!) with Lockhart (ew!) when I heard a voice that said it wanted to kill, tear, and eat. It sounded really creepy, and it freaked me out, but Lockhart couldn’t hear it.

I told Ron and Hermione and Draco, and they are all super worried. I suspect that Draco will be writing to you soon.

The voice came from inside the walls. It didn’t sound like a ghost…I’m kind of freaked out.

Love,

Harry.

***

Dear Mr. Lupin (and Black, I suppose),

Harry has been hearing threatening voices from within the walls, telling him that it wanted to “kill, tear, rip, eat”. Judging by the preposterous grammar and overtones of hunger, I imagined that this was Weasley awaiting Thursday’s Chicken Pot Pie night in Great Hall, but the hall isn’t anywhere near Lockhart’s room.

(I hate Lockhart).

Draco.

***

Dear Harry (and Draco, as he is possibly reading this),

Daddy Sirius and I are coming down to the school today to check on you. See you soon.

Love,

Daddy Remus

***

A good cuddle later, and Harry felt much better. Draco felt much better too, and proceeded to be small and pointy and smug that he had more than the two traditional parental figures.

***

This time, when Harry and the rest of the school found Mrs. Norris petrified next to the writing on the wall, all Draco did was remark, “Oh I say, what poor penmanship”.

When Filch accused Harry of petrifying Mrs. Norris and writing the threatening message about the Chamber of Secrets on the wall, Draco interjected, “Don’t be so preposterous, the penmanship is awful. Potter writes in cursive because his father insisted that good penmanship is the mark of a tidy mind.”

Harry wondered how often Draco was writing to Daddy Remus, and found that he didn’t mind having a blonde, evil, kind-of brother.

***

What also happened was that Sirius and Remus stormed the castle and tried to take Harry home. Draco showed up with his bags packed and waited in the great hall, only to find out that Dumbledore had talked them out of taking Harry home.

Draco didn’t get to have an early break, but he did get another kit-kat.

***

Dear Daddy and Daddy,

Something really awful happened today at duelling club. Draco conjured a little snake, and it got really confused and was wriggling around, and I kind of cooed at it (you know that old Welsh lullaby that Daddy Remus used to sing) and picked it up.

So naturally, people think that I’m the Heir of Slytherin.

They’re being awfully mean, but Ron and Hermione are standing by me. I didn’t know that Hufflepuffs were so daft though.

Draco says that I’m not related to Slytherin, because:

• I have no Iberian ancestry, and Slytherin was from Spain (who knew?)
• My ancestors on dad’s side were Indian and British (Yorkshire)
• My ancestors on mum’s side were British and Irish (Seamus was happy)
• Draco has apparently memorized my family tree
• Just because I can make odd hissing noises doesn’t mean that I’m related to Slytherin, and it’s more likely because grandmum on dad’s side was Indian, and there are way more Parselmouths in India on account of there being way more snakes there.

People are still being mean to me though. Goyle punched Ernie Macmillan to defend my honour.

I hope that this will all be over soon. I want to kick the real heir of Slytherin, he sounds like a rotten banana.

Love,

Harry.

***

Dear Mr. Lupin,

I am writing to you to inform you that I have successfully declared a Formal Enmity with one Ernest Macmillan and one Zacharias Smith over defending Harry’s honour. Please tell Mr. Black that he should update the House of Black marriage roster to show that any and all Black descendants are not to marry into either of their families.

I defeated them in a duel with Granger as my second.

Harry was swooning in the corner, and I think Uncle Sev gave me points for my excellent jelly-legs jinx. Please thank Mr. Black for that spell for me.

Draco

***

Dear Draco,

Thank you for defending Harry’s honour. Also, do be careful, in some circles, decalring a duel to defend another’s honour is a sign of courting, and I think that both of you are still too young for that.

Yours Happily,

Remus.

***

Draco worried about his latest minion (friend) when he observed Ginny growing paler and more obsessed with writing in a tiny book. This was unacceptable.

“What ho, Weasley.”

“Oh, hello Draco.”

Draco glared at the book. “Are you quite alright? That book has enraptured you of late.” To his surprise, Ginny looked deeply uncomfortable.

“Well, it’s just that- um, I’ve been writing in this book, and I’m not sure-“

Draco grabbed the book. “Property of T.M. Riddle,” he read. He looked at Ginny. “Who is this?”

Ginny dithered. “His name is Tom Riddle, and he says that he’s trapped in the book. He’s asked for my help in trying to escape, but asked me not to tell anyone.”

Draco stared. “That,” he said, “is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. This book is probably cursed. It feels cursed. Here, give me your quill.”

Ginny handed her quill over and Draco viciously opened the book and wrote, ‘You are an awful wanker and I am wise to your tricks, cursed book’.

Draco watched as the text sunk into the page. “Definitely cursed,” he said.

Excuse me? This isn’t Ginny, is it?

Draco inhaled sharply. He had heard of sentient curses that developed intelligence to trap unwitting victims, Grandfather Abraxas often spoke of them in his bedtime stories to Draco before Grandmother smacked him.

Awful, evil book, know that you have been uncovered for your misdeeds, and I will have my pound of flesh (or parchment) for you enchanting my little minion. Die die die.

Definitely not Ginny, the book wrote back. You know not of the power which I wield. I can make you more powerful than you have ever dreamed, if only you pay me heed.

Oh shut up.

Draco closed the book firmly and threw it into the fireplace, where to his great dismay, it did not burn. “What manner of sorcery is this?” He muttered.

***

Dear Mr. Lupin,

I am writing to you as a matter of great urgency.

I found that Ginny has been writing to a strange boy inside a book, once the property of a git named Tom M. Riddle. I made Ginny stop, and she has recovered more of her former vim and vigour. I think that the book is cursed.

I showed it to Harry and Hermione (Weasley was there as well), and we all thought it was a rubbish book and tried to destroy it for hurting Ginny. Nothing worked, not even when we tried to boil it in a cauldron of Longbottom’s botched boil-cure potion.

Granger went hunting around, and she found that a Tom Riddle was a head boy in the forties, and received an award for special services to the school.

I think that he is an awful twit.

Ginny is much better now, but the book is still writing back to all of us now, trying to tempt us with promises of power and all that rot.

Grandfather used to tell me to never trust a voice when you cannot see it’s speaker, so I am not responding to it except to tell him that he is a clod.

Please do tell us how we can get rid of this awful book.

Draco

***

Dear Draco,

That book sounds like it is carrying a very powerful curse. Please do exactly as I say – take it to Professor Snape. Sirius and I are packing to come to Hogwarts, but for now, Severus is the person most likely to contain the curse.

Once you have given the book to Severus, tell Professor Dumbledore. Do not write back to the book.

Tom Riddle was a very dangerous man, and I don’t like to think that he left something of his behind.

Keep an eye on Ginny, she has been exposed to the curse the longest.

Remus

***

Severus took the old diary with a pair of dragonhide gloves and put it inside a cauldron, which was then put under a strong containment spell.

Then he proceeded to yell at all the gathered children for trying to deal with a curse by themselves.

Albus was stroking his beard thoughtfully. “Ah, it is as I had presumed,” he said. “Tom Riddle was the Heir of Slytherin, and through controlling Miss Weasley, he opened the Chamber once more.”

“Ew,” Harry said. “So the thing in the walls going around petrifying people is actually Slytherin’s monster?”

“Yes,” Albus nodded. Then, “What do you mean, ‘in the walls’?”

The whole story tumbled out. With the combined knowledge of only a voice Harry could hear, and the setting of being behind the walls, it was not particularly difficult to determine what the creature could be.

For Hermione.

“It’s some sort of snake, isn’t it,” she asked dourly. “That explains why only Harry can hear it. If he can hear it behind the walls, then it’s probably in the vents.”

Ron looked up quickly, but found that there were no vents to speak of over his head.

“Hogwarts’ ventilation relies on more traditional methods, Miss Granger,” Albus said gently.

“Windows,” Snape provided. “And cracks between the stones.”

Hermione’s jaw dropped. “So then…the pipes?”

“Oh no!” Harry cried. “It’s been in the pipes this whole time? It’s been exposed to the contents of the whole castle’s latrines!”

“Surely if this is Slytherin’s monster, it’s hundreds of years old,” Snape sniffed. “It must have learned to avoid the pipes that carry…excreta.”

“Ew,” Ron muttered, glaring at the stone walls around him. Evil, sister-possessing, old poop snake.

“So the creature is a snake that possibly belonged to Slytherin himself. We can therefore assume that it has longevity, and is capable of petrification. Oh me oh my, what could this creature possibly be?” Snape asked, examining his fingernails lightly.

Albus sighed. “Severus, I think that you can just say-“

“Oh but it couldn’t be a basilisk, could it? Oh dearie me, a basilisk, at Hogwarts? Apparently it’s more likely than it seems.”

Albus closed his eyes. “As the culprit is in this book, it would be best if we get rid of it-“

“We tried everything,” Draco piped up angrily. “We tried to burn it, drown it, rip it, poured Longbottom’s old boil cure potion on it, and even bashed it with one of Hagrid’s rock cakes. Nothing works.”

Albus’ moustache twitch mirthfully. “Very resourceful. Nevertheless, there is another way to deal with the book.”

“What is it, sir?” Hermione asked, brain juices flowing.

“It is called fiendfyre, or cursed fire. Terribly difficult to contain, incredibly hard to cast, and nigh impossible to extinguish.”

“Sounds like double trouble to me,” Ron grumped. Snape was inclined to agree. “Isn’t there another way?”

“Shoot it into space,” Harry muttered, glaring at the book.

“Unfortunately, we do not have NASA on call,” Snape snorted.

Hermione perked up. “Oh! I went to the science museum during the holidays, and they showed us liquid nitrogen and how it causes immediate freezing of anything it comes into contact with. The scientist froze a whole head of cabbage and then splintered it into a million different pieces! Can we do that?”

Snape, a huge nerd, looked at Dumbledore with (ugly)puppy eyes. “Yes, please, can we do that?”

Albus looked disturbed at Snape’s enthusiasm. “I am afraid that I have not studied the properties of this liquid nitrogen, and I do not know how to procure it-“

“I do,” Snape smiled terribly. “My muggle cousin is a chemist. I can ask her to ship some over to me.”

Draco’s eyes bugged out of his skinny little skull. “You have a muggle cousin?”

“Indeed. She is the muggle equivalent of a potions master. It caused a big scandal when she, a girl, left our dinky little town to pursue an education.” Snape paused. “People are very stupid.”

“A muggle potions master?” Draco gaped. “I had never heard of this.”

“You haven’t had a very broad based education, Draco,” Harry said, patting his arm, “but it’s alright. Daddy Remus will probably take us to the science museum over the holidays if we ask him to.”

“Ooh, lets.”

Snape looked at Dumbledore. “I’m ordering the liquid nitrogen. I want to do an experiment and you can’t stop me.”

“Can I watch?” Hermione asked.

“Perhaps.”

Albus smiled dottily. “Then I suppose we shall see if science might triumph where magic has failed.” With that, he turned around, took the diary, and biffed off.

There was science to be done.

***

“Why,” Snape spat upon opening the door to the castle, “are you here?”

Remus fretted, while Sirius glared. “Draco sent us a letter, saying that Ginny was being possessed by an evil diary.”

“And? Neither are your child.”

“Molly and Arthur are in Romania to see Charlie and are returning now, after we owled them with the news. We came to see if the kids were alright.”

“They are well. Go away.”

“No.”

“Black-“

“Daddy! Daddy!” Harry’s voice called out from the top of the grand staircase, surprised to see his parents. “What are you doing here?” Draco looked devious and pointy from beside Harry.

“We heard about the diary, pup,” Remus said. “Why didn’t you tell us that something was wrong?”

“Yeah, Draco’s owl has a bowel problem, it went all over the floor and Kreacher nearly threw himself into the fireplace. While the fire was going,” Sirius grinned.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Harry admitted. “Besides, Professor Snape is going to destroy the evil book with science. He invited everyone to watch.”

“Oh, then it’s just as well we came,” Remus said. “Draco, you were very clever to notice that Ginny was not acting normally and linking it to the diary.”

“Oh, it was nothing,” Draco said with modesty veiled so thinly that it was practically gaseous. “A pursuit in intelligence and observation, nothing more.”

Draco then found himself in possession of a homemade chocolate and raspberry tart, courtesy of Remus, who had been baking. His eyes grew wide. A whole dessert! Truly this was a great sign of respect and adoration.

“You heard that people were in danger and you paused to bake a tart?” Snape asked incredulously.

“What? No, I was already baking when I got the letter,” Remus said.

“Ah, it’s true, Remus’ cooking is making me soft and juicy,” Sirius said, poking at his tummy. “Here, touch,” he said, leaning towards Snape, who lifted up his skirts and ran like the wind.

Sirius chuckled and allowed Harry and Draco to prod his midsection. “But you’re not soft, daddy,” Harry observed.

“Nah, I expend a lot of energy yelling at Kreacher.”

“Aren’t you a cursebreaker?” Draco asked unamusedly. “Surely your job is what keeps you in shape.”

“Eh, Kreacher is more exhausting. Speaking of which Harry, the batty old elf sent you some mittens for the winter.”

“Aw thanks,” Harry said, taking the ugly, knobbly mittens. “Tell Kreacher I said hello?”

“Sure thing,” Sirius said. “Batty old elf is going spare, rummaging through the attic.”

“Again? Why?”

Remus smiled hesitantly. “Well, there is no harm in you knowing now. Daddy Sirius and I are trying to have another baby.”

Harry squealed. “What!”

“Yes!” Sirius exulted. “You are soon going to have either a baby brother or sister!”

Harry danced around happily, while Draco gaped. “How are you going to procure a baby?”

“Well, we might ask someone to be our surrogate,” Remus said gently. “Adoption laws are rather restrictive for a couple where one party is not…fully human.”

Draco scoffed. “That is ridiculous. Anyone who has met you will be able to see that the only thing you have ever mauled is probably a slice of cake. The law is stupid and I’m going to change it.”

Remus patted Draco’s head. “Thank you, Draco. I hope that you will become a very keen barrister.”

“Oh I shall,” Draco agreed. “I don’t like many things adults do. I am going to grow up and change all of the stupid ‘laws’, and institute more egalitarian measures not founded in prejudice and ignorance.”

“Daddy,” Harry interrupted, “who’re you gonna ask to carry the baby?”

“Why don’t you ask Professor McGonagall? She’s a woman,” Draco asked brightly, as Sirius and Harry immediately stared choking on their own incredulity.

Somewhere in the dungeons, Severus felt an inexplicable wave of woe wash over him.

“No, never in a million years,” Sirius bit out. “I would rather ask Dumbledore-“

“Ask me what, dear boy?” Ablus asked, striding over. “Hello Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter-Black,” he greeted the two munchkins.

“Nothing,” Sirius said, wilting.

“Black and Mr. Lupin are looking to have another child, and require a surrogate to house their infant,” Draco informed the headmaster, who immediately connected the dots as to why Sirius looked like he would very much like to jump into the lake.

“Ah, what an honour to be considered thusly!” Albus sang, even as Sirius and Remus crumpled to the floor in horror and shame. “Alas, I am past my prime childbearing age, these old bones could not take the stress of a fetus. Also, I am not in possession of a uterus.”

“Ew, ew, ew,” Sirius chanted, as Albus biffed off.

Draco nudged Sirius’ body on the floor with his pinky finger. “Alternatively, you could just ask my mother. She is your cousin, you know.”

“As though she would consent to carry mine and Remus’ child,” Sirius snorted. “She’s very bigoted, you know, and Remus, apart from being sweet and lovely, is also a werewolf.”

“Yes, but that’s not hereditary, is it?” Harry pointed out. “The baby will just be sweet and lovely, no werewolf bits at all.”

“Remus is also a halfblood, which is also part of Narcissa’s prejudices.”

“True enough,” Draco clicked his tongue. “Ah! Once again, the ignorance and prejudices of adults ruins an excellent idea! Oh woe!”

Sirius grabbed Draco in a headlock to quieten him. “You have inadvertently given me an idea, though,” he mused. “We can ask Andromeda, can’t we, Remus? Andi isn’t prejudiced, and she’s very agreeable.”

“There’s an idea,” Remus said excitedly. “Sirius, let’s ask her! We’ll have Andi and her family over for tea, and we can all meet with her.”

“Oh jolly good!” Draco jumped up clapping his hands. “I shall arrange for the scones, Dobby makes them rather well-“

“Wait, why is he coming to tea?” Sirius gritted out quietly, so that only Remus could hear.

“Hush dear,” Remus grinned back, watching as Draco outlined his tea plans with Harry. “It’s sweet. Besides, it’s a family meeting, and Draco is family.”

“Is he? Oh, he is,” Sirius quickly rectified himself as Remus stared balefully at him. “Yes of course, he is my little cousin, who has somehow occupied a room in my house, and has sleepovers with Harry more nights than not, and offers me advice on my clothes. Of course he is,” Sirius said, throwing his hands up. “I’ll talk to McGonagall about having the boys over during the weekend, shall I?”

“I think that you may have to talk to Snape about Draco,” Remus pointed out.

“ARGH, you’re not making this better, Moony!”

Nevertheless, Sirius stomped off to do the necessary things, leaving Remus with Harry and Draco. Things were looking very promising for the future.

***

A few weeks later…

Snape was really in his element, and it was giving him a strangely ethereal glow, Sirius thought unhappily. The man of the hour was wearing dragonhide gloves as he handled a vat full of liquid nitrogen, which had been delivered by a woman that looked awfully like Snape. They had spoken in hushed tones for a while about things that went over Sirius’ head, and then she had left.

Snape had made all the children wear goggles, full lab gowns, and their own little dragonhide gloves so that they could watch as he destroyed a dark artifact.  Ginny had been practically swaddled in protective gear, as she would have to be the one to actually submerge the diary in the strange liquid, to fully break the connection that Riddle had to her soul.

She looked very happy about committing soul murder.

After a twenty minute spiel about the properties of liquid nitrogen, and another twenty minutes on a safety briefing, Snape provided a demonstration by submerging a head of cabbage in the liquid, and then-

-smashing it into tiny pieces on the table top.

The children and Albus all whooped and applauded, and Snape looked like he had just given birth to the Chosen One himself.

“And now for the cursed diary. Miss Weasley, if you please,” Snape said, and Ginny emerged from behind him like a tiny, evil, ginger shadow. Snape lifted Ginny up by her middle so that she could drop the diary into the vat. In the moment of silence that preceded, the diary began to squeal and shiver in her hands, as though aware of it’s impending doom.

“Oh, what’s that Tom?” Ginny asked with faux concern. “You want to be released? You want freedom, like the thing you stole from me? Well,” she grinned, “I’m going to tell you something that I overheard Fred and George saying to the gnomes in the garden.”

Ginny took a deep breath and announced, “GET FUCKED.”

She then dropped the diary into the vat, where it promptly froze over. Snape reached in with a set of tongs, retrieved it, and promptly smashed it onto the table. When the shards did not coalesce again, the room burst into applause.

“Daddy, professor Snape is the coolest!” Harry exclaimed. Sirius stopped applauding to cry.

Albus looked overjoyed. “Ah, victory! Excellent work, Severus! Although I fear that I must ask that you take points for Miss Weasley’s language.”

Snape nodded. “Miss Weasley, twenty points,” he said decisively, and waited till Albus had left the room. “To Slytherin.”

Ginny and Draco squeaked happily, and Snape swept up the remains of the diary and put it into  a mortar and pestle to grind it into a fine powder. No chance of evil souls returning after that, no sir bob. Severus was practically humming as he ground away, leaving the children to their own devices, so long as they stayed well away from the liquid nitrogen. His pleasant reverie was broken when Sirius sidled up to him.

“Heyo, Snapey.”

Severus twitched unhappily.

“I was hoping that you could excuse Draco over the weekend, we have a family thing.”

Snape glared at him through narrowed eyes. “Draco is not your child, you have no authority to remove him from school premises.”

“I am the head of his maternal house,” Sirius beamed. “I think that you’ll find that I do have the authority.”

“It’s a family luncheon,” Remus said. “Draco’s parents are going to be there too.”

Snape sniffed suspiciously. “I shall write to the Malfoys directly.”

“Oh thanks, there’s a chap,” Sirius beamed, and slapped Snape chummily on the back. Part of Snape immediately perished, never to be brought back again.

For once, it seemed that everything was going to be alright.

Chapter Text

Harry was the unexpected hero of the day when he decided to talk to the basilisk and convince the great Queen of Serpents – who said that her name was Shetiba - to not attack the students. 

“But I do not understand,” the snake hissed, “the Heir spoke to me. She said that there was a threat to the school! The muggles were taking over the school!”

“That wasn’t the Heir, that was Ginny ,” Harry hissed back . “She was being possessed. There aren’t any muggles in the school, Riddle was trying to trick you into killing muggleborn students.”

“That cad,” the Great Snake hissed tartly. Then, “ Now what?”

“ Dunno ,” Harry admitted. “What do you want to do?”

The snake startled at being given an actual choice. “ I… I want to live and raise a nest of my own,” she admitted. “I am over a thousand moons in age, and have yet to hatch my own young.”

“We can make that happen ,” Harry said excitedly. “Can’t we?” He asked in English, turning to a teary Hagrid.

“’O’ course we can,” Hagrid vowed, and gently patted the Shetiba’s flank. “Lovely girl like you, you’d get all the boy snakes comin’ after yeh.”

Hagrid arranged for the basilisk to be taken to a Dangerous Beast Sanctuary somewhere in Spain. “I’ve got a pal there,” Hagrid grunted later over tea. “ He’s mighty pleased to take ‘er.”

The basilisk was removed from the castle shortly before the term examinations. All the students watched safely from the castle as the once great Guardian of the School slithered out to feel the sun on her scales at long last. She looked very swish in her very own pair of reflective sunglasses that was attached to her face with a permanent sticking charm. 

The snake reared up as she was led out into the grounds, leading several students still in the castle to scream. Harry stood his ground beside the great snake. “It is true then,” she hissed sadly. “I can no longer smell any trace of Salazar’s blood in this school. He is truly gone.”

“Er, not even on me?” Harry hazarded. 

“No, you are not of Salazar’s blood ,” the serpent hissed. “ You carry a different smell with you. I had hoped to find Salazar again, or his young, but…” she sighed, “given what you say of the last of his blood, it is better that we do not meet. I shall probably eat him.”

“He’s already dead,” Harry informed her . “More or less.”

The Great Snake snorted and lowered her head to ground level, and gently nosed at Harry, who giggled at the cold feeling of her snout. From the sidelines, as close as he could get, Remus had a fit of worry. “Goodbye, little one. Thank you for freeing me from my imprisonment. I can move on now, that I know that my Salazar has truly passed.”

“Bye, Shetiba,” Harry hissed quietly. “If I am ever in Barcelona, I’ll come to visit you.”

At last, the Beast Handlers from the reserve came over with a portkey. One of the handlers gently patted the basilisk’s side and hissed lowly at her. “It is time to go to your new home, Shetiba.” Seeing Harry’s shocked gaze, the man winked at him. “ You’re not the only parselmouth around, Mr. Potter .” With that, the portkey activated, and Salazar’s last protection – and greatest danger - left Hogwarts. 

***

Harry was not the only little hero around, as Ron outed Lockhart’s crimes to the Wizarding World not soon after. The discovery had come after writing to his brother Charlie the Dragon-Dad – “He does have an official title,”, Ron had explained, “it’s just what we call him. Apparently, a Norwegian Ridgeback went and imprinted on him, and now recognizes him as the father to her hatchlings. So yes, there are three dragons running around Romania called Lulu Weasley, Emmie Weasley, and Squeaky Weasley.”

In Charlie’s letter was a story of something that one of Charlie’s colleagues had spoken about – a man who had captured and hypnotized a feral Serbian Spinetail into leaving a village in rural Bosnia that it had been terrorizing. When Hermione pointed out excitedly that the very same feat had been covered in Lockhart’s new book – Dalliances with Dragons – Ron wrote back to ask Charlie if it was true. 

As it turned out, the real hero was a Dragon Keeper named Estefan Petrovic, who was coincidently also Charlie’s…roommate. Who was very buff and hairy and tall and noble and was Charlie’s very hunky boyfriend, and Ron was very put off reading a lengthy three paragraphs about. 

With this information in hand, Ron did two things – he outed Lockhart’s true nature to Dumbledore and then again to Snape, who was vindictive enough to actually go to the press with the proof. Then, Ron went and tattled to is parents that Charlie had a boyfriend that he was living with, what do you mean he isn’t in trouble for concealing a relationship, you grounded me for a month for stealing Percy’s inkpot -

Ron was now called the Great Investigator, and was quoted saying in the Daily Prophet, “Honestly, Lockhart is a right twit, we’re well shot of him. I mean, I’d much rather have Snape teaching Defense.”

The morning the paper was delivered, Snape looked like a radiant beauty and gave Ron three points to Gryffindor for setting up his cauldron correctly.

***

The next weekend found Remus in a tizzy, baking several sweets in preparation for the tea gathering. Harry and Draco had come home for the family meeting, and were puttering around, helping Kreacher set up the sitting room, while Sirius set up the floo connection.

The Tonks family tumbled in first – that is to say, Nymphadora and Ted tumbled in, while Andromeda stepped out far more gracefully. “Wotcher all,” Nymphadora grinned once she was standing again. “Hello baby cousins.” Tonks took great pleasure at seeing Draco twitch as being called a baby-anything. 

“Hi Tonks,” Harry beamed, calling her by her preferred moniker. “Hi Uncle Ted, Aunt Andi.”

“Harry,” Andromeda smiled, and hugged him. She paused, and looked at what was clearly the Malfoy scion. “Ah, it’s Draco, isn’t it?”

“Indeed,” Draco said gallanty. “What ho, Tonks family.” He and Harry then turned to marvel at Nymphadora, who had changed her hair to the exact shade and texture as Draco’s.

Andromeda looked askance at Sirius while the kids were occupied, who looked tiredly at her. “Draco is Harry’s best friend,” he explained, “not to mention related to me, and therefore him, multiple times over. He has also managed to trick Remus into semi-adopting him, and is frequently plied with sweets and head pats from my selectively stupid spouse.”

“Ah,” Andromeda nodded, understanding, looking back at Draco talking animatedly to Nymphadora.

“How fascinating, a metamorphmagus! And you are an auror?” 

“I’m training, yeah,” Tonks grinned. “I graduated Hogwarts not too long ago, and I’m in the Auror Academy now. Hey, when you see Professor Snape, tell him that I said hello, yeah?”

Harry giggled at the mischievous tone in Tonks’ voice. “Did you annoy Professor Snape?”

“What? No! He loved me! In fact, there was this one time when I-“

Meanwhile, Kreacher was prodding at Ted, who was looking rather bemused at the crotchety, evil elf. “Er, can I help you?”

Kreacher flinched back. “It speaks!” Kreacher whispered. “Mistress said that the creatures were unable of intelligent speech!”

Ted frowned. “What? Of course I can speak, I’m a literature teacher, it’s part of my job.”

Draco charged forward. “You are a literature teacher! Where do you teach?”

Ted looked down at the tiny boy bobbing around about sternum-high on him. “I teach Ancient Wizarding Literature at the Institute of Higher Magic. Are you interested in the subject?”

Draco beamed. Ah! Someone that he could gab to about the great works of Malevolus Marchbanks and Corvinus the Poet! “I have read widely and have several books by the authors of olde,” Draco said, bouncing happily. “Ooh, do you know the poem by-“

Ted soon found himself being squished into the corner of the sofa, his ears being talked off by an enthusiastic Draco, while Harry was being regaled by tales of Tonks’ adventures at the auror academy. Andromeda took in the scene with a smile. “The boys are very sweet,” she remarked. 

“Harry is sweet,” Sirius corrected her. “Draco is posh and uppity and tiny, and somehow that comes off as cute.”

“You are just upset because he called your muggle leather jacket an eyesore.”

Sirius scoffed. “ The outer coat must always extend beyond the bum, otherwise it is considered most immodest,” he mimicked Draco’s shrill advice. “Good lord. And to think that Remus agreed with him.”

“What? How do you know?”

“He gave Draco an extra hot water bottle to put under his sheets before bed.”

“Draco sleeps here?”

“Sometimes,” Sirius grunted. “He uses the spare room, but sometimes he just kips in Harry’s bed with him.”

“Hmm. You’ll want to watch out for that,” Andromeda said with a soft smile. “They are too young for it now, but should they begin courting-“

“Oh they will, I have no doubt about that,” Sirius snorted. “It’s just a matter of time. I give it till their sixth year. I’ve got money riding on it.”

Andromeda looked evenly at him. “End of fourth year,” she said evenly. “Twenty galleons.”

Sirius squawked. “What!”

“It is when the feelings start to take hold,” Andromeda explained. “Trust me, I have raised a child.”

Before Sirius could sulk and pout, Naricissa appeared through the floo. She stepped out delicately, taking in the house that she had grown up in. “It is good to see the homestead again,” she said softly. “Kreacher, you have done a magnificent job in maintaining it.”

Kreacher, who had been fluffing a cushion, burst into noisy, ugly, tears next to Sirius, who jumped and slid away, least he had to comfort the hideous elf.

“What ho mother,” Draco piped up happily. “I have been discussing poetry with Mr. Tonks. He is very knowledgeable and he possesses a soothing tonal quality.”

Ted smiled at the odd praise and nodded to Narcissa, who hesitated, but nodded back. She looked at Harry, who was sitting next to Tonks, whose hair had now turned a lurid green. She tamped down a shudder and looked at Sirius. “What ho, cousin.”

“Er, what ho,” Sirius replied. “No, you know what? I’m not going to say ‘what ho’ to you, you’ve seen my bum-bum in diapers, I’m not going to be formal with you.”

Narcissa sniffed haughtily and flounced off with her recently-reconciled sister into the dining area for tea. “Come Lupin,” she said grandly, “let us retire to the dining area and talk about mor genteel things, such as interior décor and the latest trends in robes.”

“Alright,” Remus said gamely, “I baked a strawberry-chocolate tart this morning, and-“

“Come on,” Sirius hissed to the rest of the room, “follow them! I need to borrow one of their uteruses!”

“Ew,” Draco said cheerfully, but ran ahead, holding Harry’s hand. 

They had all settled down to tea when Sirius cleared his throat. “You all know why I have asked you here,” he said. “Remus and I plan to have another child, but by virtue of being two blokes, we lack a uterus. We were hoping to ask either Andromeda or Narcissa to rent us some uterine space for our fetus.”

“The term you are looking for is surrogacy, not ‘uterine space’,” Narcissa said. “Alas, I cannot bear more children. My womb was already weak when I had Draco, and I was told that I would never carry a child again.” Remus and Andromeda clucked sympathetically and patted her hands. “But for that, Draco would have had a horde of siblings. I can personally attest to the joy of growing up with sisters – provided they do not display traits of psychopathy,” she added, thinking of Bellatrix. No interaction with her was enjoyable. 

“Oh woe, I was hoping to have a pseudo-sibling,” Draco sighed. “I had such grand plans for the nursery!”

“Am I allowed to contribute to the plans for my baby’s nursery?” Sirius asked pointedly. 

“But you think that red is a superior colour, you clearly have no taste,” Draco criticized. “I, on the other hand, have read extensively on colour psychology and its effects on the developing mind and have determined that shades of blue and green are most soothing for a babe.”

“Harry-bug, back me up here,” Sirius pleaded.

Harry hesitated. “Sorry daddy,” he said sheepishly, “but I like Draco’s idea. Red is too garish.”

“I’m partial to a light lavender, myself,” Remus murmured over his teacup. 

“Oh jolly good!” Draco cried happily, while Sirius wept.

Remus turned to smile at Andromeda. “Thank you so much Andi,” he said softly. “This means so much to us.”

“You were always a good sort, Andi,” Sirius said happily. He turned to Remus and held his husband’s hand tenderly. “We’re going to have another baby,” he whispered happily.

Draco reached over and held Harry hand. “We can paint the nursery in charteruse,” he whispered emotionally.

Andromeda burst out laughing while Sirius frowned. “What the hell is charteruse?” He asked the room. 

“The colour of my robes,” Narcissa provided amusedly, only for Sirius to pout, because it was actually a very pretty colour and Draco was going to get his way. 

“You’re going to be a big brother, Harry,” Remus said happily, and Harry grinned back giddily. 

“Wow,” Harry said softly. “I can’t believe that this is happening! Aunt Andi, you’re the best!”

“Thank you dearest,” Andromeda said. She turned to Sirius and Remus. “You have to perform the conception at St Mungo’s first,” she said. “The process of merging the seed of two men is a very delicate process. They will use that time to give me potions to prepare my womb for the implantation.”

“How risky is the procedure?” Ted asked worriedly.

Andromeda shook her head. “There is little risk to the surrogate or the child. Magical pregnancies are very stable once the fetus takes to the woman’s body.”

“Yes, this is true,” Narcissa said. “My trouble was when Draco did not implant properly into my womb, and it weakened my greatly, as my magical core was taxed in trying to sustain both myself and my baby. Under the supervision of healers, the implantation will be very straightforward.”

“Mother, stop telling people that I was a disobedient fetus,” Draco whing ed. 

“Having you in my arms after the birth made up for everything, sweetness,” Narcissa replied gently, and Draco smiled like a contented frog which had just munched on a rather meaty fly. Immediately, Tonks changed her features to mimic Draco’s, causing the boy to shriek indignantly.

“Hey, they’re going to talk about gooey pregnancy stuff,” Tonks said. “Why don’t you guys show me Grandaunt Walburga’s portrait to see how loud she’ll scream when she sees me?”

“Good show,” Draco beamed and he and Harry led Tonks away. A scant few minutes later, the shrieks of Walburga Black echoed down the halls.

Sirius smiled beatifically at his mother’s horrified screams, and Remus smiled politely, his giggled hidden behind his teacup. Andromeda was humming, and even Narcissa smiled. “This is nice,” she said. “I had never thought that our family would ever be so…openly content. I had hoped,” she said, “but I did not think it to be possible.”

“We have a good thing,” Andromeda mused. “We are what a family ought to be.”

And we will fight to keep it , went unsaid, but heard by all. 

***

The school year soon ended, and Harry found himself at Grimmauld Place once more, letting Remus fuss over him and helping plan for the new baby, now that Andromeda was pregnant with Sirius and Remus’ child.

“It’s barely been a month, child,” Andromeda said with amusement, when Harry asked if she could feel the baby move. Nevertheless, Harry channeled Remus and continued to putter around Andromeda, plying her with vitamin potions, fresh fruit, and copious amounts of Remus’ baked goods. 

Draco had taken to writing more often, and had found a new pen pal in his cousin Tonks, who was slightly taken aback at how cute and personable her evil little cousin was. 

Sirius was also getting mail now, but the letters were not from Draco. Harry looked concernedly after Sirius, who always frowned and perused the letters with great concentration before putting them away. He never replied, not that Harry could see, but it still put Harry on edge to see his father’s sharp and serious side. 

Remus assured Harry that there was nothing to worry about, but there was a note of worry in his voice as well, and Harry wondered as to whom was causing his excellent daddies to fret so much.

***

Harry got his answer a week later, having skipped into the sitting room bright and early in the morning. Daddy Remus was already awake, even though the sun was not properly up, puttering around the kitchen. Remus was never far away from the kitchen, having known intimately well what it felt like to go without for the longest time. He would never let his child feel the same pangs of hunger if he could help it.

Looking around, Harry saw Sirius snuggled up asleep under a blanket on the sofa, only the top of his mussed up dark hair visible from where he snoozed. Harry grinned and waddled over, eager to catch an early morning snuggle. He lifted the blankets just enough to squiggle underneath them and attach himself to Sirius’ side, like a barnacle. Ah, this was nice. Daddy had always been excellent at snuggles, in Padfoot or in human form. 

Harry felt Sirius stir slightly, and smiled. “Morning, daddy.”

“Pardon?”

Harry startled at the voice that was not quite his daddy’s. He looked up into eyes that were paler than his dad’s, a nose slightly smaller, as though it had never been broken, and lips slightly thinner. Harry screamed and jumped away, firing three tickle jinxes in quick succession behind his back as he ran into the kitchen.

“Daddy!” Harry squealed, just as Remus came barreling out of the kitchen in a panic.

“What? What!?” Remus cried worriedly, catching his son in a hug.

“There’s an intruder in the sitting room!”

Remus paused and looked down at Harry before huffing in relief. “Harry,” he said quietly, “that’s not an intruder.”

“W-what?” Harry asked weakly.

Remus led him back into the sitting room, where the man was sat upright on the sofa now, putting the blankets away. “Harry, this is your uncle Regulus,” Remus said gently. “He’s Sirius’ younger brother.”

Regulus looked up with a small half-smile and looked at Harry, making the boy blush and hide his face into his father’s side. 

“The lad thought I was Sirius and was snuggling with me,” Regulus explained. “Called me daddy and everything. Little rascal caught me with a tickle jinx as well, he’s a quick draw with a wand.”

Harry made a little noise that could have been an ‘eep’ of shame. 

Remus burst out laughing at the misunderstanding and hugged Harry, whose face now resembled a bioluminescent tomato for how brightly he was blushing. “Harry, your uncle Regulus has been abroad for years now, working on different projects. He has completed his work and has come home.”

“Ah, I’ll be out of your hair soon,” Regulus said, “I’ve just got to get my little cottage back in shape.”

“Nonsense, why should you leave?” Remus asked. “This is your house just as much as it is Sirius’. 

Regulus smiled that curious half-smile of his. “Ah, Lupin. You were always a decent sort of chap. But Sirius is the Lord of the House now, and it’s his prerogative as to who lives here.”

“Once again, nonsense,” Remus said gently. “Draco lives here half the time, and Sirius never had any say in that.” 

Harry giggled but then stopped. “Oh! Draco was going to come over today! We were going to skin the aloe vera for potions supplies!”

Regulus quirked his eyebrow. “Draco? This wouldn’t be Draco Malfoy, would it?”

“Oh yeah, he’s my best friend. He lives here a lot, it’s because Daddy Remus likes him and is more physically demonstrative of his affections,” Harry explained. 

“Why does he live here, though? Do Narcissa and Lucius not care for him?” Regulus asked.

“No, it’s not that,” Harry said. “Draco just goes where he likes, I suppose. It took Daddy Sirius a while to get used to seeing him at breakfast, but now he doesn’t care, he just asks Draco to pass the jam and when he’ll get a growth spurt.” At Regulus’ questioning look, Harry explained, “Draco is kind of on the small side, like me. While I have made my peace with being tiny, Draco hasn’t, and he gets very shrill with people who bring up his height.”

Regulus huffed a laugh as Sirius swanned into the room. “Morning all,” he said grandly. “Reg, the good bathroom’s free, go and have a nice soak. It’ll take away the aches of travel. Kreacher’s got all of your flowery scented bat oils ready, he’ll probably sponge you if you asked-“

“Please stop,” Regulus shuddered. He looked over to Harry with that awful, smug smile. “Nice to meet you Harry. I’ll see you all for breakfast.”

When Regulus had left the room, Sirius looked askance at Harry. “What was up with that?”

Remus ignored Harry’s little horrified ‘eep!’ and said, “Harry mistook Regulus for you and was cuddling with him until Regulus woke up.”

Sirius burst out laughing, while Harry was reduced to a puddle of abject mortification. Remus scooped him up and deposited him in the dining room chair and dished up some eggs. Harry’s shame was somewhat alleviated when Draco floated in. “What ho, all.”

Sirius stopped giggling as Draco plopped himself in a chair next to Harry. “Kid, it’s seven in the morning.”

“Yes, I am aware,” Draco said, smiling up at Lupin as he was immediately plied with toast and the jam that Sirius was using. “Thank you Mister Lupin.”

“You’re welcome, dear,” Remus smiled, and sat down himself. 

Regulus can in just as Remus sat down, and looked strangely at Sirius. “Why aren’t you sitting at the head of the table?”

“Because I want to sit next to my husband,” Sirius responded, pointing at said husband with his fork that was currently carrying a bit of sausage. Ah, love. When Regulus looked a bit taken aback, Sirius snorted. “Oh come on Reggie, it’s just a place to park your bum. Pick a seat and get nibbling.”

Regulus sat down next to the blonde intrusion that could only be Draco. “What ho, Mister Black,” Draco said. “Mother talks about you quite a lot. She was very upset that you decided to uproot your life to pursue travel and adventure without telling anyone in the family. She seemed to think that you were small and delicate and could not fend for yourself.”

Regulus goggled at the flood of information and insults. “Gosh, kid. No one knew where I was, it was a secret job. My own nephew hadn’t seen me before. Also, I am not delicate.”

“I can see that,” Draco sniffed. “Successful adventurers are rarely so. What was your secret mission?”

“I was tracking down the artefacts of the Hogwarts founders,” Regulus grinned. 

“What’s so secretive about that?” Sirius asked.

“Well, they’re cursed.”

Draco choked on air. “W-what?”

Regulus nodded solemnly. “Someone went around stealing the belongings of the four founders and cursing them. I was working to undo those curses. I am very close to finding all of the artefacts, now. I believe that the last of them may be in Britain, so I have returned.”

“How fantastic!” Draco enthused, clapping his bony hands together. “How many artefacts did you find?”

“Which founder left the most artefacts?” Harry asked, jumping into the conversation. 

“Alright boys, run along now,” Remus said quickly, “Uncle Regulus will speak to both of you later. Put your dishes away and go and gather the aloe. You needed the gel for potions, didn’t you?” After Harry and Draco had squiggled off, Remus and Sirius both fixed Regulus with a serious stare.

“You’re lying about your mission,” Sirius said bluntly.

“Obviously,” Regulus said over a sip of tea, “I had to come up with a sanitized version for the kids.”

Sirius looked upset. “Reg, what the hell is up with this stupid mission of yours? You were gone for thirteen years, and before that, you would have to be dragged outside the house to get fresh air.”

“I can’t speak of it,” Regulus said softly to mollify his brother. “You know that. And it would have been unwise to use this house as my headquarters, given the…nature of the artefacts.”

“There are plenty of cursed artefacts in this house,” Sirius snorted. “What’s one more?”

Regulus stayed quiet, but looked over at where Harry and Draco were skinning some aloe leaves. Remus’ breath hitched as understanding dawned upon him. “It’s him , isn’t it?” He asked quietly. “You Know Who. You were looking for things that he cursed.”

Regulus nodded, even as Sirius swore hatefully. “He used the objects of the founders to make horcruxes,” Regulus said lowly. “He cut up his soul,” Regulus explained, “it’s a way to achieve immortality, though the price is high.”

“He didn’t,” Sirius whispered. “That nutter,” he breathed. “That absolute cow-fucking nutter.”

“I couldn’t store the artifacts here,” Regulus said quietly. “Not when you brought the child – Harry – here. He has an increased sensitivity to dark objects, specifically his .”

“Harry used to get headaches around Quirrell,” Remus recalled quietly.

Regulus nodded. “To kill him, I needed to destroy all of the horcruxes first.”

“So have you?” Sirius asked.

Regulus shook his head. “I have reason to believe that he made seven horcruxes,” he explained. “I have so far destroyed three – I found his ancestral ring, the locket of Salazar Slytherin, and recently traced Hufflepuff’s cup to Gringotts. Getting the cup out nearly killed me-“

“Reg!”

“I’m alright,” Regulus said, grinning smugly. “I’m not alone in this, Sirius, I have support. An…accomplice of sorts.”

“Tell me,” Sirius gritted out.

Regulus stared implacably at his brother. “You have to give me your word that you won’t go haring off to kill him,” he said.

“I promise.”

“You can’t cross your fingers.”

“Fine,” Sirius said, uncrossing all of his overlapping fingers and toes. 

“Albus Dumbledore,” Regulus said. 

“I’ll kill him!” Sirius thundered.

“You will do no such thing,” Regulus said sternly. “Dumbledore and I are working together, and have been for thirteen years.”

“He sent you into unspeakable danger!” Sirius roared, as Remus set up a muffliato around them hurriedly. “He made you do all the legwork, while he did fuck-all, sitting up in his throne at Hogwarts-“

“I will have you know,” Regulus said, “that he has been supplying me with my aliases and funnelling money to me, and finding ways to destroy the damn things. I’ve also been living at his grandmother’s house in France. It’s my headquarters, see.” Regulus paused. “I also think that it used to function as his love chalet. I found a box of nude pictures of Dumbledore from when he was young. Way, way, young. There was also a bearskin rug and a lot of velvet drapings.”

“Ew ew ew,” Sirius and Remus chanted, their delicate sensibilities assaulted. “I didn’t want to hear about Dumbledore and some bird of his-”

“Pretty sure his lover wasn’t a woman,” Regulus said. “There’s a lot of correspondence addressed to blokes called ‘Andre’, ‘Vesalius’, ‘Galen’, and one bloke called ‘Gelly’.”

“Gelly could be a girl.”

“Gelly wrote about his cock, roughly eight inches when aroused, and girthy like an eggplant.”

“Oh no.”

“Can we get back to the horcruxes, please,” Remus begged. 

“Oh yay,” Regulus cheered up. “Anyway, Albus wrote to me in a tizzy that he had located another horcrux and that Severus of all people had destroyed it.”

“Tom Riddle’s diary,” Sirius whispered. “It was his horcrux? That thing was possessing Ginny-”

“What’s a Ginny.”

“-a little girl, one of Harry and Draco’s friends,” Sirius said. “It was meant to unleash a basilisk. It’s lucky that Harry talked the snake down.”

“Ah,” Regulus said sadly. 

“What do you mean, ‘ah’?” Sirius demanded.

Regulus looked sadly after Harry, who was bandaging a very shrill Draco’s thumb from where he had cut it on the aloe vera’s ridge. “It is confirmation of something that I didn’t want to be true.”

Sirius lunged across the table and yanked his brother into a headlock. “No. More. Secrets! Spit it out!”

Regulus hesitated. “Parseltongue is a skill of the dark lord.”

“That’s bull, Harry has Indian ancestry. It could have well come from there.”

“It is highly coincidental. James Potter was not a parselmouth. Nor his mother.”

“It might have skipped a few generations,” Sirius hissed. 

Regulus looked sadly at him. “A parselmouth with a curse scar, and the ability to feel the wizard who gave it to him when he is nearby? It’s a string of coincidences, Sirius.”

“No! I- I’ll look up James’ mum’s family. There has to have been something-”

“Even if there was, the ability to feel his would-be-murderer is all the proof that is required. It is not normal.” Regulus untangled himself from Sirius’ now slack grip. “Sirius, that scar is cursed,” Regulus stressed. “When the dark lord attempted to kill Harry, his soul was already weak, ready to fragment at the first indication that he had achieved his goal.”

“Harry isn’t a horcrux!”

Regulus stayed quiet, and flopped into his seat defeatedly. “He is.”

“He isn’t! He can’t be!” Sirius cried, tears cascading down his cheeks freely. “He’s good! And pure! He loves hugs, and is kind, he’d never dream of hurting anyone! He’s my child, Reg, he’s my child!”

Regulus hung his head. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry, Siri.”

Remus was in a state of shock. Nevertheless, he pulled his wits together and checked that Harry and Draco were still unaware, that the muffling charm had held up. He looked at Regulus. “I won’t let my child be hurt. Not for you, not for Dumbledore.”

“I wasn’t suggesting that we hurt him,” Regulus replied blandly. “I was suggesting that we find a way to end the horcrux in him without hurting him. It’s tied to that scar, you know,” Regulus said, tapping his own forehead. “If we can get it out-”

“Can’t we excise the wound?” Remus asked. 

“As in cosmetic surgery? No, the infliction is not skin deep.”

“Why can’t we destroy all the other ones then?” Remus asked fiercely. “Let Harry be the only one, let him live out his natural life-”

“As long as a bit of him exists, he will be tethered to this world. I am afraid that this is an all or nothing scenario.”

Remus’ last bit of resolve broke as he started to sob. “No,” he sobbed, “no! I can’t let you hurt Harry! I won’t have my child sacrificed for a war that may never come, I won’t see him harmed-”

“Who’s going to harm Harry?”

 Everyone spun around to see Draco at the doorway, holding Harry’s hand, both looking very pale. “Who’s going to harm Harry?” Draco repeated. “Is it you?” He pointed to Regulus. “You’d better not, I’ll kill you,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’ll kill you and then run off to Italy with Harry and we will live in the mountains and herd cows and sheep and make cheese.”

Despite everything, Remus smiled at the glimpse of Draco’s little dreams. They, like him, were adorable. Harry seemed to think so as well, as he was taking the news of murder and his subsequent kidnapping rather well. 

“Daddy, what’s going on?” He asked more reasonably, wriggling over to attach himself to Sirius. “Please don’t cry, I’m sure it’ll be alright.”

At this fruitless optimism, everyone began to cry. “Oh my gods,” Regulus whispered through tears, “he’s actually that fluff-brained and cute. Oh no, this is awful.”

“You’re not being nice,” Harry chastised him. “I may not be the cleverest, but that’s no reason to call me fluff-brained.”

Remus sighed and drew both boys to him, and Draco attached himself to his side like a possessive lemming. “I think that we had better have this out with everyone.”

Regulus nodded. “You’re right. It’s time to call Dumbledore.”

Chapter Text

Dear Albus,

It has come to our attention that you want to murder Harry. 

I will murder you first, just you wait.

Love,

Sirius

***

Dear Albus,

You need to come to Grimmauld Place NOW. I can promise that I will not let Sirius murder you. I make no promises of the angry, nesting werewolf who is aggressively stirring the pancake batter as I write this.

Yours Truly,

Regulus.

***

When Albus Dumbledore showed up, Sirius had to be physically restrained from committing murder. Albus proceeded to look wrinkly and sad and said, “Please forgive me, Harry. I had only hoped to find a way to save your immortal soul without the hassle of killing your physical shell.”

Harry looked understanding and soft. “It's alright sir, I understand. I wouldn’t mind offing myself if it meant offing Voldemort too.”

“Well, we will not be looking into offing you any time soon,” Albus said. “Our priorities are to first destroy all the other horcruxes, and then find a way to purify your soul without harming you.”

“And if you can’t?” Remus gritted out.

Regulus looked steadily at Lupin. “I do not want it to happen any more than you do, Lupin. Trust me, I am not jumping to kill off my own nephew, oblivious puffball that he is.”

Harry squeaked indignantly, because he may have been a puffball, but he was not oblivious. He was significantly above average in most of his classes, except for potions and history of magic, where he was decidedly average, and also that Snape was patently awful. 

“There is one thing in our favour. Lord Voldemort  has, as a result of creating his horcruxes, lost the last vestiges of his humanity.”

“Lost his humanity?” Regulus scoffed.

“His sanity, lad,” Albus said. “A human is no more than the power of his mind and the goodness of his heart. Voldemort’s soul is now so weak that it seeks to fully fragment itself. The urge to murder and create more horcruxes, to ensure his own power and immortality have superseded his rationality.”

“Not that his death eaters will care about that, if he manages to fully resurrect himself,” Sirius grumbled. “He’s just a way for them to push their agenda on other people.”

“Very astute,” Ablus nodded. 

“Then we must stop the cad before he ever returns!” Draco cried, smacking the table with his open palm. Albus looked slightly off-footed from having Draco present at all, but the boy had refused to leave and Remus had given him pudding, so he and Harry stayed, eating creme caramel while they debated how to kill Voldemort. 

“That is the plan,” Dumbledore said. “I have come across another horcrux that was hidden rather conveniently in Hogwarts, and am storing it until I can safely dispose of it.”

“What is it?” Regulus asked sharply.

“The lost diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw. It was hidden in a secret room on the seventh floor. The door materialized when I was pacing about, desperately looking for a place to have a wee. An old man’s bladder is no joking matter.”

“The hidden room showed you a horcrux when you needed a toilet?” Sirius asked. 

“Oh no, there were a great many things in the room, including a self-cleaning chamberpot. When I was exploring this unique find, I stumbled upon the horcrux. Ah! The fates were looking out for poor Albus and his bladder!”

“So now it’s just a question of removing the horcrux from Harry and killing some great ugly snake,” Sirius said. 

“Indeed. This feat will take much research, as removing a foreign entanglement from the soul is no easy feat. I have little experience in this arena, and will have to do much research.”

“We could ask Hermione,” Harry suggested. “She loves to research.”

Dumbledore smiled. “I do not think Ms. Granger would appreciate such a heavy burden-”

“Tchah! She will be thrilled,” Draco said. “If Granger’s machinations have made Crabbe and Goyle actually pass transfigurations, then I am sure that she is capable of this. Goyle can’t even read, you know.”

Dumbledore frowned. “This is most distressing. I shall arrange for language tuitions to be added to Mr. Goyle’s schedule.”

“Crabbe’s too, he’s not much better,” Draco added. “But what about Harry?”

Albus smiled gently. “I have come to think of young Harry as something akin to my own grandson. I would not see him hurt, and will therefore find a way to purify his soul of the Voldemort-contaminant in as non-lethal a method as possible.”

Remus then sent Harry and Draco up to bed with glasses of warm milk and honey, before rounding on Dumbledore. “If you hurt my son, then I will dismember you and then eat you so that no one can find your remains.”

“Eep.”

Satisfied that he had threatened Dumbledore enough, Remus nodded firmly.  “Right.  Now tell me how you're going to cure Harry of that horcrux.”

“Well, from my research, I gleaned that it is very important for Voldemort himself to deal the killing blow-”

“Harry!” Sirius said loudly, looking into the corridor, where his dob was standing. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing daddy,” Harry said. “Draco had a conniption, I was just getting him some water. So Voldemort needs to kill me?”

Dumbledore backed away as Remus' claws began to lengthen from the rage and stress. “No one is going to kill you, Harry.”

“But what if I want to kill Voldemort?”

“That is perfectly alright, dear, but you should probably let me and daddy deal with that. Killing is very messy,” Remus said gently. 

“Aw daddy, I’m not a baby,” Harry smiled, looking very baby indeed. “Besides, didn’t Ginny get to do soul murder?”

“Ginny has years of savagery and anger built up from being forced to abide by gender norms, dear.”

“She is, that,” Harry said, and paused to yawn. “Oh bother. I came to get water, didn’t I? Now Draco is probably having a conniption and is thirsty on top of it.”

“What kind of thirteen year old boy has a conniption ?” Regulus muttered, getting out of his seat and grabbing the water jug. “C’mon, tiny, let’s let your fathers talk to the headmaster alone for a bit.”

“Goodnight!” Harry called gaily, his thoughts filled with ideas of murder. 

The minute Harry was out of earshot, Sirius whipped out his wand and levelled it at Albus. “Killing Harry is off the table. Find another way to remove the horcrux from him.”

Ablus raised his hands in a placating manner. “I have no wish to kill Harry. I have done extensive research into the nature of the horcrux, and will come up with an alternative solution in the near future.”

“Good,” Remus said mildly, his eyes betraying absolute, unadulterated, venom. 

Albus shuffled off, probably to do more research, and Remus turned to Sirius. “We can’t trust him to do all the work alone. We need to conduct our own research.”

Sirius ran a hand down his face. “Fine. I’ll write to Hermione Granger, shall I? The girl can stay with us for the rest of the summer.”

Remus chuckled. “Good. Regulus is here too, we can bully him onto our side.”

“He will be, he likes Harry,” Sirius said. “He is also staunchly against using children in wars.”

They fell silent as Regulus returned, shaking his head with a fond smile. “They’re so dumb,” he said, sitting down. “I can’t imagine them fighting a war.”

“They shouldn’t have to,” Sirius replied. “We won’t let them.”

“Harry seems very interested in killing the dark lord.”

“He would be, he’s a very good boy,” Remus said. 

They fell into silence, each contemplating a way to save the children from the fate that they themselves had suffered years prior. “We need to remove the horcrux without hurting Harry,” Sirius said. “I know you said that he had to die, but I can’t let it happen Reg. He’s my son, and I would die before I let it happen.”

“So we research,” Remus said. “We gather our sources, gather information, and save Harry.”

Regulus looked between Sirius and Remus, their determination and love palpable. He nodded. “We’ll save Harry.”

***

Dear Mr. Sirius and Mr. Remus,

I have been doing the research that you have tasked me with, using the library card to the London Library of Magic that Goyle so kindly provided me. I had to do quite a bit of sneaking to get into the restricted archives.

I’ve been staying with the Weasleys, and I asked Mr. Bill Weasley, Ron’s brother, to help me get the books. He is a bigshot cursebreaker, and was afforded access to the Evil section. He passed me off as his apprentice so that I could have access too. 

Percy has been helping me create catalogues and sort through the information (and covering my eyes for the really nasty books, Bill reads those). Ron is tasked with bringing us late night tea and biscuits, because he is a surprisingly good baker. Ginny has not been actively involved in the research, but has come up with a list of incredibly insidious methods to destroy objects beyond magical repair, with annotations by Fred and George. I have attached the list to the letter, you may want to peruse it when you have a moment. 

From our research, we have gleaned the following:

1. A horcrux is a shard of human soul that, when awakened, can be semi-senntient
2. The horcrux is only ever awakened in self-defense, when it senses that it is to be destroyed.
3. The antithesis of a horcrux is purity and innocence, as the horcrux is forged through the worst act of evil - murder.
4. The horcrux tethered to Harry cannot be surgically removed via his scar. 
5. Any cure that does not involve killing Harry must be novel. I would suggest that we look at the medical route and treat this as an illness, like a wart, but on the soul. 
1. In the muggle world, warts are combated with the application of salicylic acid.
2. In this vein, we might benefit from tackling this angle with therapeutic potions.
3. We need a potions master to aid us.
4. Yes you know to whom I am referring, stop cringing, Mr. Sirius.

I am coming over next week with the Weasleys so that we may discuss plans. I assume Draco is already there and is making a fuss. Please tell him that I have brought him some 5-star chocolate bars. 

Yours,

Hermione.

***

Ginny Weasley’s Most Excellent Soul Murder Methods

Annotated by Frederick Weasley and Georgerick Weasley

Section 1 - Inanimate Horcruxes

1. Liquid nitrogen again 
2. Dragon fire (Charlie said that he can provide them). 
3. Make Snape be mean to it
4. Acromantula venom
5. Basilisk venom (guys!! Harry is friends with a basilisk, we should totally do this!!!)
6. Be kind to it and hope that it counteracts the evil
7. Have a giant sit on it

Section 2 - Harry Horcrux

1. Astrally project Harry’s consciousness into a shoe or something and destroy his body, then transfer his consciousness to something else. We could put Harry’s mind into a DRAGON!
2. Awaken the horcrux and have Harry and horcrux duke it out in a mental battle royale, except all of us astrally project into his mind and beat up the horcrux first, 

• Give Harry a course of potions to cleanse his mind and soul

1. Hey, who gave Hermione the list!?
2. Go away Hermione, your logic has no place here. 
3. Oh honestly

***

Remus finished reading aloud the list, and looked up at Harry, who looked thoughtful. “Being a dragon might be a good one,” he said. “That way, I could also burn Voldemort into a crispy, evil, potato wedge.”

“But that would destroy your body, dear,” Remus said tiredly.

“Oh, right-o. Forget that then.”

“Their list about the inanimate horcruxes is actually useful though,” Sirius mused aloud. “Who would’ve thought that a community effort might make things go easier, REGULUS ?”

Regulus, who was trying to blend into the velvet curtains, flinched. “Yeah, who would’ve thunk it,” he muttered.

“Oh? So you admit that it would have been wiser to confide in your brother rather than partake in solo insane tasks?”

“Yes…”

“And who would this brother be?” Sirius asked, batting his inbred eyelashes.

Regulus sighed. “You.”

“That’s right! We are now officially Team Save Harry!”

“Hear hear!” Draco crowed. “What is our plan of action?”

“Well, according to Hermione’s recommendation, we try to see if Harry can be put on a course of potions to heal him,” Remus said. “Sirius, fetch a quill, won’t you? I will write to-”

“Please don’t say-”

“-Severus-”

“ARGH!”

Remus stared balefully at his irascible husband and son, as they flinched and cringed in unison. “You don’t have to like him, but he may be the key to saving Harry.”

“Oh fine,” Sirius pouted, and hesitantly took the ostentatious peacock feather quill that Draco was holding out. “You’d better write the letter.”

Reus sniffed delicately. “Of course, dear.”

***

Dear Severus,

I am writing to you on a matter that requires great discretion and is of the utmost urgency. We would like to consult you on a medical issue of sorts. We would be glad to have your for tea at Number 12 Grimmauld Place at five 'o'clock this Sunday.

Yours Sincerely,

Remus Lupin-Black.

P.S. - Hi Professor, it’s Harry. Please come, otherwise daddy Remus might cry. 

P.P.S. - What ho, Uncle Sev. I am also staying with Potter and his parents, so if nothing else, you would have the joy of meeting me again - Draco. 

P.SPP.SPP.PS. - Snape. Please. Come. - Sirius