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He woke up feeling awful, but just like any day, he pulled himself up by the bootstraps and got moving. After all he had been through to get his job back, Buck wasn’t going to let a tiny little stomach ache stand in his way, even if it was intense enough to make him choose to skip his daily crunches. As he strutted into the station, perhaps overcompensating just a bit for how bad he felt, he told himself that he would be fine. Sure, his stomach hurt like a bitch as he leaned over to tie his boots, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. After all the pain he had survived, a tummy ache was nothing.
“You okay, man?” Eddie’s warm timbre cut through the haze of discomfort in Buck’s mind, and he looked up to see the other man’s brown eyes filled with concern. “You look a little pale.”
Buck forced his wince away and plastered on a smile in its place, hoping it was convincing. “Yeah, last night I got a burrito from this sketchy food truck--”
“Enough said,” Eddie chuckled, scrunching his nose in disgust and turning to leave the locker room.
Buck finished lacing his boot and stood up, swaying a little as the room tilted. A chill ran down his spine and nausea rolled through his stomach, but Buck swallowed it down as he rushed to follow Eddie to the loft. He hadn’t felt hungry enough to eat all morning, too nauseated to even try, but with a job like his, he knew he needed to fuel up whether he was hungry or not.
Not even ten minutes after he had forced himself to eat some dry toast, he regretted the decision. His legs were trembling as he moved to the sink to rinse his mouth out before turning the water to cold and splashing his face to reduce some of the inflamation. So it was a stomach bug. He could handle that, had worked with them before. It most definitely was the burrito then, he mused, grimacing at his reflection. His eyes were bloodshot now, busted blood vessels decorating his face with little red dots and splotches from the force of losing his breakfast, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. The pain in his stomach was starting to intensify, but it was still nothing compared to what he had been through in his life, so he took a deep breath and dried his face and hands, tossing the paper towel into the trash on his way out the door.
“Whoa, you feeling okay, Buckaroo?” Chim’s usual joking tone was nowhere to be found as he stopped dead in his tracks the second he caught sight of Buck exiting the bathroom, concern dripping all over his words.
“I’m fine, just a stomach bug,” Buck assured, plastering a smile to his face even as the pain in his stomach started to beat in rhythm with his heart. It was fine. He was fine. He could handle this.
Chimney considered him critically for a moment before reaching for Buck’s forehead, but Buck dodged him, slapping his hand away. “Dude, just let me feel your head. You look redder than your first day when you walked in on Hen.”
“No one told me which locker room was which! Thank god she was still dressed…”
“Seriously though, Buck, do you have a fever? Maybe you should go home.”
If the chill making Buck’s bones tremble was anything to go by, he did have at least a low grade fever, but he wasn’t about to let anyone else figure that out. He was not going to let himself get sent home. “I’m fine, Chim. Just a little flushed from the bug and all it’s doing. I’m just going to grab a gatorade and chill for a bit. It’ll be gone before the shift is over.”
As always, a plan to rest jinxed him, and just then the alarm went off. That coupled with the pain he felt and the overall discomfort he was in made Buck want to cry, but he sprang into action just as quickly as Chim. The voice of dispatch over the loudspeaker telling of the single car accident they were responding to eased some of Buck’s tension, as he was relieved he wouldn’t have to do anything too strenuous, but not enough to keep the grimace from his face as he climbed into the firetruck. He settled in across from Eddie, who eyed him worriedly but didn’t comment, for which Buck was thankful.
…
By the time the smoldering car had been put out, the people had been extracted, and the victims were on their way to the hospital, Buck was ready to pass out. The heat of the late morning sun was bad enough on its own, but on top of the burning pain in his stomach and the way his body couldn’t seem to choose between being hot and cold, he felt like crap. He stayed focused on the task at hand, following Bobby’s orders and Eddie’s lead, doing what he was trained to do even though his mind wasn’t fully there. It was getting harder to concentrate on anything but the pain, and honestly, Buck was starting to get a little anxious about it.
It was a struggle to climb into the truck when it was finally time to head back to the station. He slumped against his seat, holding his stomach protectively as he tried to breathe through the pain without drawing any attention to himself. The last thing he needed was anyone hearing him whine about pain. He had had an enormous fire truck dropped on him, and had almost drowned in both his own blood and a tsunami. And he couldn’t handle a little stomach bug? Pathetic.
“Buck?” Hen’s voice startled Buck, and he suddenly realized his eyes had slipped closed at some point. He turned to look at his friend across the cabin, seeing her lips purse in thought as she raked her eyes over him critically. “What’s wrong?”
He forced a smile and shook his head, waving her off. “Stomach bug. Ate a bad burrito last night.”
“That doesn’t look like a stomach bug to me,” she countered as the others piled into the truck. “You’ve been pale, flushed, and shaky all morning. And don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been clutching your stomach.”
“All symptoms of food poisoning,” Buck supplied with a cocky grin. “Thank you for your concern, Hen, but I’ll be fine. Just need some gatorade and a nap. I’ll be better in no time.”
“Buck, you’re going to let Hen look you over once we get back to the station,” Bobby ordered over the headsets. Buck opened his mouth to argue, but the Captain didn’t need to turn around and look at him to know when to cut him off. “That’s an order.”
Buck sighed, slouching down in his seat in defeat. “Fine, but I’m telling you, it’s nothing.”
It most definitely wasn’t nothing, Buck was beginning to realize, but a cocktail of pride and fear kept him in denial. The last thing he needed was for something else to put him back on the sidelines. Buck’s eyes caught Eddie’s across from him, and his stomach flipped in the best way as he found warm brown eyes watching him again. All day he had felt Eddie’s eyes on him, and Buck would be lying if he said he hadn’t enjoyed every second of knowing that Eddie cared so much. Buck tried to smile, knowing and hating that it probably looked more like a pained expression, but Eddie still smiled back.
After what felt like an eternity of violent potholes that sent electric shocks through his abdomen and sharp turns that made him dizzy, Buck was more than a little relieved they finally pulled into the station. Eddie hurried to jump out first, offering him a hand to help him down. Buck raised a brow at him in question.
“I can tell you’re dizzy,” Eddie said with a small smirk. “If you’d rather risk falling on your face, I’ll let you.”
Buck huffed a small laugh, grabbing Eddie’s hand and letting him help him make it to solid ground. Before he could even move to do it himself, Eddie was peeling off Buck’s turnout coat and taking his helmet right off his head, placing them on the floor carefully. Buck gave him a grateful smile as he slipped off his suspenders and Eddie reached out to grab Buck’s arm, holding him steady as he stepped out of his turnout pants.
“Such a gentleman,” Buck quipped. “Thanks.”
Eddie smiled, shooting him a wink. “He’s all yours, Hen.”
“C’mon, Buckaroo, let me look at you,” Hen called from the back of one of the ambulances, snapping on a pair of gloves.
The smile he was about to throw her way melted from Buck’s face suddenly as he felt his stomach lurch. “Hold on… I think I’m gonna--”
Eddie lept back with a yelp of surprise just in time to dodge the bile and water. Suddenly Buck could hear a lot of shouting from a lot of different voices, but he couldn’t open his eyes. The room was spinning, so bad he felt like he was falling. Or maybe he was falling? He wasn’t sure of anything aside from the excruciating pain in his abdomen.
And then there were strong arms around him, Eddie’s trembling and terrified voice calling his name, but he couldn’t find the strength to force his eyes open.
He supposed it wasn’t such a bad way to die.
…
He knew where he was before he even opened his eyes. He knew the sound of machines and monitors, the smell of antiseptic and bleach, the feeling of scratchy sheets and a needle in his arm. But beyond all of that, he knew the feeling of a warm hand in his, and he smiled softly to himself as he squeezed his fingers around it.
“Buck?”
Bobby’s voice was soft and warm, and it was the only thing that motivated Buck to open his eyes. The light in the room was dim, but it was enough to show the shining relief in the Captain’s eyes as he smiled.
“Welcome back, kid.”
“Wha’ ‘appen?” Buck slurred, mouth sticky and dry.
“You were an idiot again, that’s what happened,” Bobby snapped, voice tinted with frustration. The more he spoke, the more upset he sounded, but his voice never rose in volume. “Your appendix ruptured. You’re lucky you were at the station when it happened instead of on a call. Or worse, alone at home. You could have died. Again. What the hell were you thinking? Why didn’t you tell us?”
Buck winced at his words, pulling his hand from Bobby’s. “I’m sorry… Thought it was a bug…”
Bobby sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t… you didn’t deserve that outburst. I just…” Bobby met his gaze, and Buck’s heart sank at the sight of unshed tears in the older man’s eyes. “The last time you withheld information like that, you nearly died in my back yard.”
Buck’s lip trembled slightly as he felt tears burning his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry.”
Bobby took his hand again and squeezed it, giving him a soft smile. “You’re making me gray, kid. The next time I see you collapse, I just might collapse too.”
A soft giggle bubbled up and out of Buck despite the tears that broke free, making him grimace against the pain in his stomach. “We’ll get a double room. We’ll keep each other company.”
“Oh, that’s just what I’d need for my recovery,” Bobby chuckled. “Listen, everyone is out in the waiting room and they’re eager to see you. The doctor said they were going to keep you overnight for observation, but they should send you home tomorrow. I’ll come by after you’re settled, bring you some food to keep you sustained for the next few days while you recover.”
Buck grinned innocently. “Maybe… your sweet potato casserole?”
Bobby snorted, patting the back of Buck’s hand. “I think that can be arranged.”
Buck couldn’t help the giggle that came out of him as he wiggled his toes in excitement. With one last squeeze of Buck’s hand he stood and headed for the door, turning back at the last second.
“Hey, Buck?”
“Yeah, Cap?”
Bobby narrowed his eyes, pointing a scolding finger at him. “You almost die again, I’ll kill you.”
Buck laughed, giving his Captain a half-hearted salute. “Yes, sir.”
As Buck relaxed into his pillow, he couldn’t deny his heart was full. He felt bad for scaring his team once again, even though he truly didn’t mean to, but knowing they were all waiting to see him made his chest warm. They were everything to him, and it was times like this that made him realize he meant just as much to them. He loved them all.
And when he saw his next visitor through the small window in the door, he realized that maybe he loved one a little more than the others.
“How are you feeling?” Eddie asked as he slipped into the room, quietly shutting the door behind him. “You look less like you’re about to die, which I suppose is a good sign.”
“I feel a lot better, thanks,” Buck chuckled, but he sobered as soon as he noticed the shine in Eddie’s eyes. “I’m sorry I scared you again.”
Eddie nodded silently, taking the seat Bobby had just vacated. He didn’t ask permission before he laid his hand over Buck’s and squeezed, but he didn’t need to. Buck squeezed back firmly, as if to prove to Eddie that he was real, that he was okay.
“That was really scary, Buck,” Eddie whispered, staring at their entwined hands. “With as many times as you’ve cheated death, you’d think I’d be used to it by now, that it wouldn’t scare me so much, but… it’s just gotten more terrifying with each one. I guess maybe because I’ve realized some things.”
“Don’t.”
Eddie’s head shot up, and the grief-stricken look that suddenly crossed his face shattered Buck’s heart. He shook his head, gripping Eddie’s hand tighter to keep him from pulling away.
“No, I don’t-- what I mean is…” Buck sighed, lips curling into a soft smile. “I think I know what you’re about to say, but I… I don’t want a fear-induced bedside confession, Eddie. We both deserve better than that.”
Eddie’s brow furrowed, and the hope that sparked in his eyes put Buck’s heart back together again. “What are you saying?”
Buck smiled, bringing Eddie’s hand to rest on his chest, right over his heart. “I’m saying, take me out on a date and tell me then.”
The smile that blossomed across Eddie’s face was the most beautiful thing Buck had ever seen. “Okay. I can do that.”
“I can’t wait.” Buck grinned.
He was so taken by Eddie’s warm brown eyes that the sudden appearance of Hen, Chim, and Maddie coming through the door startled Buck, but the smiles that greeted him made it worthwhile. He didn’t let go of Eddie’s hand even as the others encircled the bed, chattering and fussing over him and his penchant for ending up in the hospital. He didn’t know what he was so afraid of that it stopped him from admitting his pain before, but as he looked at the people around him, he swore he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. He should have known that his team, his family, would always be there for him.