Chapter Text
Lan Wangji was of a young age when his spirit animal appeared. It was also the first time his mother did not open the door for him. Both his brother and uncle tried to tell the child that no one would open the door but the boy did not budge. He stayed outside, waiting.
That was the moment when his spirit animal appeared.
At that time, Lan Wangji did not understand what this dog was doing, why it was sitting not that far away from him. It kept looking at him, it’s eyes never leaving the boy, cocking its head at times.
The dog’s fur was so black and clean that the moonlight reflected on its body. The dog’s eyes were shining a bright colour, making it look unreal. Little Lan Wangji ignored it, not paying much attention after he observed the dog for long enough. Eventually, his brother came to pick him up and they both left the place with Lan Wangji slowly trailing behind his brother.
The next month Lan Wangji was supposed to visit his mother, he waited again.
And waited.
But no one opened the door. The dog appeared as well, still sitting far away, not daring to approach the little Lan. The boy peeked a look at the animal. His eyes widened a little since he remembered that no animal is allowed in Cloud Recesses. Yet, he decided to not pay much attention, waiting was more important to him at the moment.
One time when Lan Xichen brought his younger brother back to his room, it was different from other nights. He tucked little Lan Wangji in but did not leave the room. The small boy tilted his head in confusion a little while looking at his brother. His eyes were asking why his older brother was still here.
“Let me tell you something before you go to sleep,” the younger only nodded in return and listened to everything his older brother said. “Since a long time ago, we live in a world where spirit animals exist. These animals are part of our souls and their job is to protect us.” Lan Xichen smiled when he saw the question in the boy’s eyes. “Yes, you have one as well.”
He then proceeded to explain that since spiritual guardians are part of the person it belongs to, they will always appear when one needs it the most. From then on, it is ready to fulfill its role. Lan Xichen told his brother that he will learn how to control his guardian properly with time.
“Two types exist among these animals, one is a sentimental protector, who is in charge of protecting your emotions and the other can stand beside you and fight alongside, they are called combat guardians. What is interesting is that combat guardians have the ability to help with your emotions as well.”
Everyone in the cultivator world believes that a person’s spirit animal resembles one’s soulmate. That means that a person’s spirit animal can either take the form of an animal that one’s soulmate likes the most or simply have a resemblance to it. Nevertheless, it was not that easy to find one’s soulmate since many people could have the same animal that one might like. After all, people used them as guides to find their soulmate more than actual proof.
“That is why our clan believes that the spirit animal must only be revealed to family members and close friends, as well as significant others. Just like our forehead ribbons. Our ancestors believed that these animals are sacred. I agree because the guardians are part of our soul, it is a pretty vulnerable thing to reveal after all. I believe that is why such a rule was added.”
The rule does not apply if any Gusu Lan clan member encounters danger and their spirit animal is released for protection.
Lan Wangji listened to his brother intently even if his eyes kept fluttering and the poor boy had to blink many times so as to not fall asleep. Lan Xichen smiled at his brother, noticing his effort. Without any word, he stood up and left the room, letting his brother rest.
It was no doubt that Lan Wangji was stubborn because, despite Lan Xichen and their uncle's attempts, he still went to the place his mother used to stay in. It went on for a long time until Lan Wangji finally understood why his mother did not open the door anymore.
That day, Lan Wangji flinched a little when a cold breeze blew right into him and he felt wetness on his cheeks. It only took him a few seconds to realize that he was crying. The dog jumped up from where it was sitting and quickly walked to the boy. The animal did not hesitate when it laid down next to Lan Wangji and put its head on the boy's lap.
Lan Wangji hugged the dog instantly. The animal gave him a sense of security. Little Lan Wangji felt like he could trust the animal. He sensed warmth spreading through his chest that made him feel better, the boy could also feel a wave of calmness wash over him. Lan Wangji felt as if someone was hugging him back, sharing their warmness to comfort him which did help and soon his tears stopped even if he felt an ache in his chest.
Lan Wangji figured out who the dog was.
That same night, when Lan Wangji came down the stairs that lead to the house, the dog went along, following the boy. On their way back, Lan Wangji met his brother who was waiting at the end of the staircase. Lan Xichen’s eyes widened when he noticed the dog. It only took him one glance to understand that it was his brother’s spiritual guardian. He smiled warmly at his brother and they both continued to walk in silence.
Later, Lan Wangji would still go and wait for his mother even if he knew that she would never open the door for him ever again. His spirit animal was always sitting next to him, sending warm energy towards the boy constantly. Lan Wangji would not always cry, sometimes he would simply feel the emptiness in his chest with no tears to spare. With his guardian sitting there, it helped Lan Wangji a lot.
The animal grew together with Lan Wangji. That is until the dog reached a certain point until it matured and stopped growing. Since then, it was able to provide full support to his person as well as protect him from danger now since Lan Wangji’s animal was a combat guardian. With time, Lan Wangji learned how to properly control the dog as well.
No one saw the animal beside Lan Xichen and their uncle although Lan Qiren saw the guardian only a few times. His brother was the only person Lan Wangji trusted to see his spirit animal play around the Jingshi freely.
For Wei Wuxian, it was completely different. He grew up with stories of such animals appearing and was always excited to finally meet his spiritual guardian. The boy believed that a strong creature would appear and be able to protect him from any evil. He believed that even more when he roamed the streets alone and hungry, having to fight fierce dogs for food. He believed that once his guardian will appear, he will be safe and no dogs will attack him ever again.
Before that happened, Jiang Fengmian found him.
To Wei Wuxian’s surprise, his spirit animal appeared only after the first time Madam Yu shouted at him. It was a simple day. He was training with Jiang Cheng when they decided to take a small break. The small break turned into chasing one another around the field until Madam Yu saw them.
She started shouting at Wei Wuxian, saying how he is slacking off and taking Jiang Cheng down with himself, not letting him practice. The boy only lowered his head, looking at his feet and said nothing, accepting the words. After she finished, he muttered a small “I’m sorry” and went back to practicing.
Later in the evening, when everyone was asleep, Wei Wuxian finally let it all go, sitting in the corner of his room and crying. No candle was lit since he was trying his best to hide from the world. The boy hugged his knees and hid his face, trying to silence his sobs as best as he could as his shoulders shook with every sob. That is when he felt something standing next to him, trying to climb into his lap.
Wei Wuxian sniffed a few times and looked down to see a white bunny standing next to him. The bunny looked straight into the boy’s eyes, waiting. Wei Wuxian frowned as he raised his head to look around the room and then back to the bunny. He did not understand why such an animal would appear before him. The boy gazed into the animal’s eyes for a while tears were still running down his face. He decided to pick it up and instantly felt the warmth spreading through him which made him realize that the bunny he was holding was none other than his spiritual guardian.
To say that he was not feeling disappointed would be a lie. That night, he did not think much of it, simply hugged the bunny and let himself feel safe. Only later did the disappointment hit.
He woke up in the morning angry and pouty which of course did not go unnoticed by Jiang Yanli. She was the one who helped Wei Wuxian learn how to love his spirit animal, accepting its form and appreciating all the times it appeared when he needed the warmth to calm himself down.
Wei Wuxian eventually decided to hide his spirit animal from everyone, only revealing it to people he cared about, those being his siblings. Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu knew about the animal’s appearance. One of the biggest reasons that made Wei Wuxian decide to hide his spirit animal comes from when Madam Yu made fun of how weak his guardian was.
That day, she made him feel worthless. Even if it was something Wei Wuxian, unfortunately, had to get used to, her remark hit deeper than ever. The words were instantly locked in his mind and he would always remember them during his weakest times. Sometimes, she would keep reminding the boy until Jiang Cheng’s guardian appeared. Since then, she never spoke anything about Wei Wuxian’s guardian ever again.
After all, everyone expected Wei Wuxian to have a fierce guardian. Sadly, he knew that others would make fun of his spiritual guardian if they knew. As much as he did not care about what they talked about, this was the only thing he could not allow others to talk badly about.
Naturally, the Jiang disciples did ask Wei Wuxian about his guardian yet the head disciple always told them that it is improper to show off one’s guardian, hence why he never did. Many disapproved of this but respected Wei Wuxian’s choice and with time, they stopped requesting.
Only Jiang Yanli’s spirit animal, a hedgehog, was allowed to play with Wei Wuxian’s bunny. The two guardians were close, both Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian at times would let them hang around in one’s room or another’s, even if they were not present.
His brother, Jiang Cheng understood Wei Wuxian fully. He never joked about the guardian when it came to Wei Wuxian since his own animal was a squirrel. Sometimes, Jiang Cheng would let his guardian play with his sibling’s guardians as well and watch warmly as the three animals bonded.
Wei Wuxian started liking his spirit animal, even more, when Lan Wangji told him to let those poor rabbits that he was planning to ‘eat for dinner’, be. He quickly realized that Lan Wangji liked rabbits when he saw the same rabbits roaming freely just right outside Cloud Recesses even if animals were forbidden in that place. With this new knowledge, Wei Wuxian found a new way to tease Lan Wangji.
Or so he thought.
The first time he did so, Wei Wuxian let his spirit animal go up to Lan Wangji, just to see his reaction. He did not know what to expect or how the other would act but the boy was curious enough to try and find out.
At that time, Lan Wangji was sitting in the Library Pavilion. The windows were open, letting in the fresh air to the library. Lan Wangji was reading, his brush was set and ready in case he needed to write while the wind played with his hair. The boy did not pay attention to that. He simply enjoyed the gentle breeze on his face. Of course, he was never going to admit that.
Wei Wuxian has just finished part of his punishment and was done for the day. He went out, not before he tried talking to Lan Wangji who in return ignored him. Wei Wuxian walked far enough so he could hide, knowing that if he only hid behind the corner, Lan Wangji would be able to sense him.
It is a good thing that he learned how to control his spiritual guardian well. Since the guardian was part of his soul, Wei Wuxian could just use it to see through the animal’s eyes, another skill that was useful besides protecting him.
Wei Wuxian sat down and shortly, a white bunny with its ear perked up jumped onto his lap. The boy smiled brightly at his guardian, softly petting the bunny. He then put it down onto the ground and let it run. Closing his eyes, he focused on the tiny bundle of warm energy. He could feel it running, could feel as if he was the one jumping up and down. Not long after, Wei Wuxian could see his surroundings.
Soon enough, the Library Pavilion was right in front of the guardian. The bunny did not hesitate while running inside. It ran around a little as if to catch a person's attention. It knew that it succeeded when the animal heard a book being put down. The bunny ran closer to said person.
Lan Wangji picked up the bunny without hesitation. He noticed immediately that this bunny was a lot different from the ones he had. Realization dawned on him when he saw the bunny's eyes. They had a soft glow that ordinary animals did not have.
Wei Wuxian recognized the emotion instantly when he saw Lan Wangji’s eyes widen a little. He also noticed that, somehow, he liked being held by Lan Wangji. He could feel the warmth from Lan Wangji’s hands. That was something he did not anticipate. Wei Wuxian definitely did not expect to see soft eyes looking back at him as well.
So he did what he knew was best to do. Wei Wuxian, or the bunny, ran away.
With the use of his spiritual energy, he helped the bunny get out of the Twin Jade's hands. The bunny forcefully escaped Lan Wangji's grasp and ran out of his sight. Wei Wuxian felt eyes following him as the bunny left the building. The guardian ran as quickly as it could, back into Wei Wuxian's arm. He hugged the bunny until it disappeared.
• • •
For reasons unknown, Wei Wuxian decided that he trusted Lan Wangji. He did not know why exactly but he felt that he could. Maybe that is why he decided to let his guardian run around when it was the last day of his punishment. He was sitting in the Library Pavilion as already per usual. Wei Wuxian had finished rewriting the rules for whatever time it was, he had lost the count a long time ago.
Wei Wuxian looked up to see Lan Wangji reading a script who was sitting in front of him, on the side of the library. He hid his grin when he felt a bunny appear behind his back. Wei Wuxian looked down at the table, pretending to focus on writing the rules while the bunny ran towards Lan Wangji. The animal was noticed immediately.
The bunny jumped on the table that was in front of Lan Wangji and simply sat down. This time it was not picked up, instead, Lan Wangji patted it softly. Wei Wuxian ignored the tickling feeling in his chest and looked up, letting out a gasp to show his surprise.
"Oh? When did it get here?" he asked.
Lan Wangji did not answer, instead, he continued studying the bunny.
"Spiritual guardian," he simply said. Lan Wangji could feel the energy coming from it, he recognized it. To Lan Wangji’s surprise, his heart skipped a beat. He knew to whom this energy belonged too well. "It’s yours." he looked at Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian was rendered speechless, mouth agape. He was going to say something but Lan Wangji caught him off guard. Wei Wuxian fake coughed, pretending that this quick analysis did not surprise him.
"Don't be ridiculous, Lan Zhan. Why would such a delicate animal be my spiritual guardian?" Wei Wuxian asked as he laughed. Lan Wangji, on the other hand, did not laugh nor took his eyes off of the other boy.
"Wei Ying, I can recognize its energy."
"All right, you caught me, it is mine. But don't lie, I know you like it," Wei Wuxian smiles cheekily at Lan Wangji. The latter simply stopped petting the bunny and went back to reading his script. Wei Wuxian did not notice how red Lan Wangji’s ears got. He pursed his lips in a pout as an answer and made the bunny come back to him.
After that time, Wei Wuxian was determined to find out what animal was Lan Wangji's guardian. The other would either not answer or glance at him with a look that would shut anyone up. Wei Wuxian was not scared so he would try again later which of course would annoy Lan Wangji even more.
Wei Wuxian kept telling him that not knowing what animal was Lan Wangji's guardian was going to kill him soon. Even so, Lan Wangji would still ignore him. Wei Wuxian was not sure why he wanted to feed his curiosity so much. Until some time later.
Because by the time Wei Wuxian had to leave Cloud Recesses, he had convinced himself that Lan Wangji was his soulmate. He knew that this man loved bunnies like no other. There was no other reason for why Wei Wuxian had such a fragile animal as his guardian, able to protect his emotions only. There was no other reason why his guardian was a bunny, Lan Wangji’s favourite animal.
While on his way back to Lotus Pier, Wei Wuxian realized that he did not have a favourite animal. Sure, the bunny was the only animal he cared about but it was not his favourite. Wei Wuxian sighed, somehow the thought made him feel sad. That might have been because the thought of being Lan Wangji's soulmate sounded appealing to him. Weirdly enough, Wei Wuxian suddenly could not see anyone else or even imagine another person as his soulmate beside Lan Wangji.
Unbeknownst to Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji felt the same. He never considered there ever being a soulmate for him but after meeting Wei Wuxian, his thoughts changed. He did feel a connection that went beyond the annoyance that he expressed towards the boy. And he could not stop thinking about the fact that Wei Wuxian's spirit animal is a rabbit.
Still, Lan Wangji was scared. No matter how much attention Wei Wuxian had shown him, no matter how many times he teased him, Lan Wangji could not help but think that it was all just temporary. That the other will get bored with him soon. So he tried his best to keep a distance.
At the same time, keeping distance was not possible when Wei Wuxian came back just to go search for another piece of the Yin Iron together with Lan Wangji.
Keeping distance seemed to be even harder when all hell broke loose in the cultivation world.
The next time, after their little adventure together, when Lan Wangji saw Wei Wuxian was in Qishan. Wen clan decided to invite all disciples from all clans in order to indoctrinate them. Lan Wangji knew Wei Wuxian was going to be there so walking up the stairs he masked his emotions.
By now, Lan Wangji knew that the other boy could read his emotions quite well. Even if he was good at hiding his feelings, the agony he was feeling at the moment was greater than any time before so hiding was especially hard for Lan Wangji.
Coming up to stand before Wen Chao, Lan Wangji let out a breath as he finally stopped walking and the pain in his leg lessened just by little. He could feel sweat running down his face so Lan Wangji tried his best to breathe and calm down, attempting to forget about the injury. He did not look to his side where Wei Wuxian was standing. He was looking at him, observing.
"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian tried reaching out but was abruptly interrupted by Jiang Cheng. Lan Wangji did not spare a glance at their side.
"Wei Wuxian, don't make trouble. As long as he is fine, you'll get a chance to ask him about everything."
"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian tried again. And again. However, Lan Wangji refused to give him any attention, his face blank, all emotions hidden. He could hear the concern in Wei Wuxian's voice but Lan Wangji knew that it would be the best for everyone if he did not reply.
It is not like he planned on answering anyways. Why would he?
Wei Wuxian was about to try and reach out to Lan Wangji again but was interrupted by Wen Chao's voice that rang through the whole area. Cultivators were standing in lines, with many disciples from their clans while Lan Wangji was the only one standing alone.
Lan Wangji could still feel the other's eyes on him. He knew that the boy kept looking at him yet he stayed impassive. The concern grew in Wei Wuxian's mind when Lan Wangji gave away his sword without any hesitation. Even so, that did not beat the surprise when Lan Wangji tried to protect him against Wen Chao, grabbing the whip with his bare hands the next day. Wei Wuxian did not have enough time to ponder when he was taken away and thrown into a cell.
Given the situation, he did not even realize what Lan Wangji had done, not after he was left alone with his thoughts and after the dog was put to sleep. His heart did a small jump at the realization. A feeling Wei Wuxian did not understand and could not describe. It was quickly overshadowed by the anger that he felt towards what happened to Cloud Recesses and later sadness finding out about Lan Wangji's wounds. At this point, Wei Wuxian did not care about himself, only knowing that it was for the best if he saved the medicine that Wen Ning gave him, for Lan Wangji.
Lan Wangji, on the other hand, was restless that night, his mind was full of concern and pain which prevented him from having peaceful rest. There was so much pain that he felt like suffocating. He could not stop thinking about where Wei Wuxian was, fear filling his thoughts while thinking of the boy. He hoped that nothing bad happened to him.
On top of that, the heartache and fear that he felt towards his clan and family made it hard for Lan Wangji to rest. That has never happened and it surprised him how he found himself awake yet it was already past midnight.
The next day, after Wei Wuxian was brought back to stand in front of Wen Chao yet again, Lan Wangji could not keep his eyes off of Wei Wuxian. His chest felt lighter upon seeing the boy enter the open area. Next second he noticed the blood on Wei Wuxian, how messy he looked with his hair disheveled, clothes ripped in places and Lan Wangji’s concern grew larger than the night before.
For the rest of the conversation that Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were having, Lan Wangji stopped listening knowing that it was improper to listen to other conversations. However, his mind picked up on the words 'Lan Clan' and his heart skipped a beat. An overwhelming amount of pain filled his chest. The whole place fell silent, holding their breaths, waiting to see his reaction. Lan Wangji only took a deep breath and ignored everyone’s glances at him.
After that day, it took Wei Wuxian several days to finally be able to talk to Lan Wangji. This time everyone was out to find the cave where a mysterious beast was hiding. Wei Wuxian approached Lan Wangji. His eyes were soft, he did not hide the concern that was visible in his expression.
"Lan Zhan, how is your leg?"
"Fine," Lan Wangji answered, not wanting to involve himself further with Wei Wuxian despite everything. He was surprised that the other knew about his injury but he did his best to hide the feeling. Unconsciously, Lan Wangji clenched his hands into fists.
"Lan Zhan, after all, we've been through together, is there anything you can't share?" Wei Wuxian stopped for a second before continuing with a softer voice: "Are you sure that your leg is all right?"
"Fine." Lan Wangji could hear the concern in Wei Wuxian's voice and it was affecting him. He did not want anything to happen so he tried to walk away but of course, Wei Wuxian stopped him.
"Stop pretending. How about you let me carry you?"
Lan Wangji would lie if he said that the words did not make his eyes widen in surprise and that he did not consider accepting the offer. His heart stuttered in his chest again. Still, he did not allow himself to feel. And besides, now was not the time and not the right place. He could not accept it.
Seeing that Lan Wangji was not going to give in, Wei Wuxian decided to give up asking. Unknown to him, the mask Lan Wangji was putting on was slowly cracking and Wei Wuxian could see the sadness in his eyes. That is why he decided not to push the topic further, letting the other be. In the end, Wei Wuxian did get to help out Lan Wangji even if he did not carry him and even if the latter was not aware of his help.
Sadly, the next time the pair got to talk was not under the best circumstances.
Lan Wangji was trying his hardest to contain his emotions and keep them from spilling. The open wound on his leg was making it hard for him to keep his composure. Wei Wuxian was panicking a little, this is the first time he saw Lan Wangji's face twisted in agony so openly. Wei Wuxian quickly looked around, trying to think of a solution, of anything that could help Lan Wangji in this situation.
Coming back a few seconds after he ran off, Wei Wuxian brought a branch. It had dead leaves on it, only small parts of them were still green while other leaves could barely hold onto the branch. Wei Wuxian quickly broke it into pieces, putting it all against Lan Wangji's wounded leg.
With Lan Wangji being extremely against it, not letting go of his forehead ribbon easily, Wei Wuxian tied it all around his leg. Lan Wangji sighed, shutting his eyes tightly and trying his best to ignore the pain. He slowly closed himself off in his mind, trying to calm down the growing fire inside the center of his chest.
On top of that, Lan Wangji was feeling sick and uneasy. He opened his eyes, trying to control his ragged breathing. The sickness just did not disappear and he did not know what to do. He could feel sweat forming on his forehead since he was struggling.
"Come. Take it off." Lan Wangji was surprised by the way Wei Wuxian stood up so suddenly. He frowned while he looked up, not knowing what to expect. What Lan Wangji saw was Wei Wuxian in his red undergarment which left him feeling flustered.
"Take off what?" he forced out.
"What else? Take off your clothes!" Wei Wuxian chimed cheerfully. "You and I both got drenched in that pond, it’s uncomfortable. Take it off, I will dry it for you." Lan Wangji simply looked away, he could feel the sickness rising yet he tried his best to fight it.
"Here, let me help you!" Wei Wuxian said as he bent down. Despite the pain, Lan Wangji scooted away from the boy, his eyes widened in shock, his face flushed a little. He did not expect Wei Wuxian to do such a shameful thing. However, this was Wei Wuxian, there was no doubt that he would try and do something shameless.
"Wei Ying! What are you doing?!" Lan Wangji asked, raising his voice as it echoed through the cave, even reaching the darkest corners.
"Helping you take off your clothes, of course." They both struggled for a while until Lan Wangji pushed Wei Wuxian away from himself successfully.
"Fine. I can just take off mine then." Wei Wuxian stood up and grabbed his pants. The sickness suddenly rose to Lan Wangji's throat and he swiftly turned away from the other, spitting out the stale blood. He coughed for a while until everything was out. Then he turned around slowly to look at Wei Wuxian who already lowered himself to Lan Wangji's eye level and was looking back at him with his eyes full of concern.
"There. Isn't it much better now that the stale blood is out?"
"Thank you," Lan Wangji murmured. Wei Wuxian only nodded back, as if to say 'Don't mention it'.
Later, Wei Wuxian applied the medicine that he got from Wen Ning to Lan Wangji's wound. He hissed a few times, the pain was somehow a lot harder to endure than ever. Wei Wuxian would look at him apologetically from time to time, silently reminding him that he was almost done tending to his wound.
Lan Wangji could feel the fire behind his rib cage expanding, filling his chest together with the anguish. His emotions were getting out of control by the second and he was worried that he might lose control. A tear managed to escape and roll down his face as his breathing got quicker. Lan Wangji clenched his robe so hard that his knuckles were already white.
Wei Wuxian was too concentrated on applying the medicine to notice anything. Even if he felt that the atmosphere around them and Lan Wangji's energy changed. Wei Wuxian decided to ignore it. Making sure Lan Wangji's wound was taken care of was more important to him than anything else at the moment. This is why he was caught off guard when Lan Wangji applied some of the medicine to his chest, where a brand was burned right above his heart. Wei Wuxian let out a scream, the pain surprised him.
"Lan Zhan, it hurts!"
"You're welcome," Lan Wangji managed, leaning back to sit against the cold, rock wall.
Wei Wuxian sat beside him after he finished, drying his clothes with the small fire he created a few moments ago. He turned to look at Lan Wangji, who's eyes were closed, face twisted and his body tense. Wei Wuxian was puzzled, he did not know what was going through Lan Wangji's head which meant he would not be able to help. Closing his own eyes he focused on his energy until a bundle of fur appeared on his lap. Wei Wuxian opened his eyes to see a white bunny looking up at him with curious eyes and perked up ears.
A small smile appeared on his face as the bunny hopped off his lap and ran towards Lan Wangji. The other did not look at the spirit animal, he was too focused on whatever he was doing. Wei Wuxian knew that Lan Wangji was not meditating since he did not seem relaxed at all, body too tense. He made the bunny run back to him.
The guardian jumped to sit on Wei Wuxian’s lap and he petted the animal, worryingly looking at Lan Wangji. The bunny noticed Wei Wuxian's distress so it sent some warm energy towards its owner.
Meanwhile, Lan Wangji's mind was in shambles. He tried his best to not think, to try and separate himself from the grief for a while but it was not working. He kept thinking about his family, his clan, the ache in his heart adding up with his harsh injury. Lan Wangji's thoughts were rushing and he could not stop them.
He wanted to scream. To let it all out. To let go. To hear his cries echo in the cave until he was not able to shout anymore and all tears have dried. To finally silence his mind and let himself rest.
And he would have done that if he was alone in the cave. He would let his feelings out if Wei Wuxian was not here. This fact alone was preventing him from feeling free. He just could not do that in front of another person when he has lived his whole life not showing any deeper emotions to anyone. Lan Wangji did not intend to open up any time soon either.
It is funny. People always thought that Lan Wangji was a composed and calm person, always in control of his emotions. They, of course, missed out on the fact that Lan Wangji needed to let it go from time to time as well so he could stay the calm person they all took him to be. In reality, everyone might find it hard to believe that he had his inner turmoils and hurts as well.
And he would let it go, up on the mountain back in Cloud Recesses, where no one would hear his screams and cries.
The bubbling emotions he felt at that moment were suffocating him. Lan Wangji found it harder to breathe each second, using what remained of his energy to control his mind, to silence all the thoughts. To contain himself...
...to no avail.
A bright light suddenly blinded Wei Wuxian for a second before it disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Wei Wuxian opened his eyes, blinking a few times. He realized what just happened quite quickly. He beamed with excitement, finally, Wei Wuxian will know.
Unfortunately, Wei Wuxian did not anticipate the fear that went through his body. As if a bucket of cold water was dumped on him. Wei Wuxian’s body started to shake immediately.
There, right next to Lan Wangji, stood a black dog. It looked strong and full of energy, it's fur was shining. Wei Wuxian did not notice how he started to shake as a pathetic whimper left his lips. Wei Wuxian hurriedly stood up, backed away as far as he could, until his back hit a wall. Away from Lan Wangji and his spirit animal.
Their eyes met for a second before Wei Wuxian sunk down and hugged his knees, turning his body away from Lan Wangji. He was shaking as if he was a leaf on a tree that was holding itself against the strong wind. Terror filled him and he could do nothing besides try to pretend that the dog is not there.
Lan Wangji never paid too much attention to stories about soulmates. He was informed and has read a few scripts about the case. Lan Wangji was curious not because he wanted to find his soulmate but only because he wanted to have knowledge about it. He never cared nor imagined that he could have one. However, that has changed when he met Wei Wuxian since Lan Wangji felt that there could be no one but him. Thus, Wei Wuxian's reaction saddened him deeply.
Wei Wuxian's breathing was out of control, he was taking in the air too quickly and he felt as if his heart would jump right out of his chest any second. His whole body was shaking, he could not stop thinking about the fact that there was a dog in near proximity. Sparing a small glance at Lan Wangji, he would turn away hastily.
Wei Wuxian understood quite well that the spirit animal could not attack him since it was helping its owner with emotions. Nevertheless, his fear overpowered his logical thinking, locking him in his head with its cold hands, not letting go.
The spirit animal did not spare a single glance to the boy that was trying his best to not be seen. It did not care about anything besides the fact that Lan Wangji was distressed and needed help. The dog simply walked to Lan Wangji and laid its head on his lap, sending warm energy, just like he used to do many years back.
Lan Wangji tried controlling his emotions once again with his spiritual guardian's help but it did not work. So he let it go, letting himself cry. He kept petting the dog until it seemed like it was not enough to calm him down.
Lan Wangji simply leaned down carefully to not move his leg and hugged the animal close to his chest, feeling the energy beat as if it was a heart. His racing one tried to find the rhythm together with the beat of the energy. He muffled his cries into his guardian's fur. Tears like small rivers fell down his face, falling onto the animal's fur. Lan Wangji closed his eyes tightly and let the pain flow free, just like his tears, his shoulders were shaking.
Lan Wangji's tears washed away all the grief as he could feel the fire in his chest dissipate slowly. He took large breaths in, trying to get everything back in control, to clear his head. At the same time, his spiritual guardian kept sending its warm and calm energy.
It took more than a few minutes for Lan Wangji to stop crying and eventually to soothe his heart and manage his heavy emotions. He took one final breath in, seeing just how light his chest felt and enjoying the moment.
Then he heard a whimper coming from the other side of the cave. He suddenly remembered that Wei Wuxian was still there in the cave.
He opened his eyes to observe the boy, who tried his best to hide in the farthest corner of the cave. Lan Wangji was surprised to see Wei Wuxian in such a state. Always experiencing his arrogance and confidence, it was a first to see him shaking so badly from fear.
Lan Wangji quickly understood the situation and made his spiritual guardian disappear. He could still feel the sadness and disappointment although he did not understand why. Not that he needed to at this moment.
"Wei Ying," he said, his voice echoed through the whole cave. Wei Wuxian flinched so hard, Lan Wangji was not expecting such a reaction. Even if the other reacted, there was no response from him, as if he didn’t hear his name. Lan Wangji tried his best to stand up gently, his leg burning with pain but he did his best to ignore it.
Lan Wangji slowly made his way to Wei Wuxian who was not shaking as bad as he was before. Still, he was looking away from the side Lan Wangji sat before, his eyes frantically moving yet it did not seem that he saw anything. He was clawing onto his arms tightly, Lan Wangji was sure that there will be marks later. Wei Wuxian would mutter something at times but it was too intelligible for the other to understand. Lan Wangji did not touch the boy to not scare him even more.
"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji tried again, his voice was a lot softer, more like a whisper. He did not try to be loud. Wei Wuxian's eyes finally focused on something. It looked as if he was lost in his mind for a while now and it did not seem like he enjoyed being there. He slowly looked up to see Lan Wangji standing beside him.
"W-w-why ar-r-re you wa-wa-walking?" Wei Wuxian was stuttering but Lan Wangji could still understand him. He did not say anything. That is when a small ball of light appeared and a small bunny ran towards Wei Wuxian.
Lan Wangji felt relief in his chest when the bundle of warm energy appeared. Judging from its appearance, he knew that Wei Wuxian had a sentimental protector, he had figured that out way before, when the bunny was first revealed with Wei Wuxian sitting in front of him. He turned around and walked away slowly, giving the boy a moment to compose himself with the help of the guardian.
He sat down and suddenly felt a rush of exhaustion take over his whole body. Lan Wangji decided that it was best if he simply went to sleep and he rested since the number of emotions he felt and all the crying did tire him out. After all, it was past the usual time he always went to sleep so he felt even more tired than before. Not only that but recently he barely got enough sleep.
Several minutes later, he felt someone sitting beside him. Wei Wuxian kept his distance, thinking that Lan Wangji was sleeping.
"I'm sorry," Lan Wangji said as he opened his eyes and looked at Wei Wuxian.
"It's fine. You could not have known,” Wei Wuxian shook his head and smiled a little. Lan Wangji noticed instantly that Wei Wuxian’s smile was not genuine. “Besides, you needed it."
Lan Wangji then turned away and closed his eyes again, this time sleep finally took him. Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian turned to look at his sleeping figure, sadness was apparent in his eyes. He sighed and leaned back. Usually, he would not sleep so early yet he was feeling unusually sleepy.
Wei Wuxian fell asleep with the thoughts that he truly felt something special upon bonding with Lan Wangji. Deep down he could feel that he found his soulmate yet the signs that were supposed to tell him the truth said otherwise.
Wei Wuxian was bitter. Surely, the universe would not joke around and play with his feelings like this, would it?
A few days went by. They fought against Xuanwu, the Tortoise of Slaughter and won. In the process, Wei Wuxian got hurt which sent Lan Wangji into a panic. He shared his spiritual energy with Wei Wuxian, trying his best to keep the injured boy alive.
The last time Wei Wuxian was conscious was when he asked Lan Wangji to sing for him. Right after asking and hearing the song, listening to the very end of it, he passed out. Since then, he kept slipping in and out of consciousness, never truly waking up which concerned Lan Wangji to the fullest.
Sometimes Lan Wangji's spiritual guardian would appear. It sat close to Lan Wangji as if keeping an eye on him. And rightfully so since he was sharing his spiritual energy with Wei Wuxian tirelessly which was undoubtedly draining him.
Wei Wuxian's guardian would appear as well. Of course, it only appeared when Wei Wuxian would wake up. Sometimes the bunny would pop up when it felt the presence of Lan Wangji's spirit animal. The bunny would do nothing merely stare at the dog and then sit close to Wei Wuxian. Occasionally, Wei Wuxian's guardian would share its warmth with Lan Wangji’s guardian and both would sit close to Wei Wuxian to help him while Lan Wangji was resting against the wall.
It took a few more days until they were rescued from the cave. Wei Wuxian was unresponsive and Lan Wangji's energy was drained. Getting out of the dark place, Lan Wangji basked in the sun a little. He did not know that he could miss such a simple thing but recently he kept surprising himself.
Finally, it was time to go. He decided not to wait for Wei Wuxian to wake up and as much as he did not want to, he turned away and left. Of course, Lan Wangji understood that he left Wei Wuxian in good hands so his worries were calmed down a little.
He was more concerned about what he will find back home in Gusu. He was not sure if he would find anyone. To Lan Wangji's luck, he did find everyone hiding in a cave. His brother, however, was not back yet but they all hoped for Lan Xichen to come back soon.
That was the last time Lan Wangji saw Wei Wuxian for a while until he learned about his disappearance.