Chapter Text
“Jeongguk, come on, we’re just waiting for you now!”
Jeongguk sighed as he read his older brother’s lips where he stood in his bedroom door, a frown on his forehead but a smile still on his face. Jeongguk wasn’t quite ready to move, sat on his bed and staring at the four walls surrounding him. He couldn’t believe the day had finally come. The whole summer, he’d been so excited to finally be flying the nest and heading over to University, excited to be spending more time with his brother who he’d barely seen in years. Junghyun was going into his Senior year, whereas Jeongguk was only just starting his Freshman year. It sucked that now he was starting, Junghyun was in his last year and they’d go back to never seeing each other for another 3 years, but he couldn’t help the age difference between them.
But now the day was finally here, now he was about to leave his home in Busan to go to Seoul, and his chest had turned tight with anxiety.
What if he made no friends? What if something happened to his parents? What if his psychology skills weren’t as good as he thought they were and he failed his major? What if people ignored him because they thought he wouldn’t be able to communicate with them?
Jeongguk shook his head to get the thoughts out of his head, placing his hearing aids in his ears. He couldn’t afford to think that way, he couldn’t afford to stress himself out when there was no going back now. After all, he was packed, his room was now barren, and his brother had left and was waiting downstairs for him to get into the car so they could start the long journey to their dorm rooms.
All he knew about who he was rooming with was that it wasn’t his brother despite the request being put in that it would be, and that was enough to set off alarm bells in his brain.
Park Jimin.
Kim Taehyung.
Jung Hoseok.
And Kwon Jiyong.
He wouldn’t know anyone he lived with. He was going to have to meet four brand new people and live with them for at least the next year.
What if he hated them? What if they hated him? What if they were horrible people? What if they did drugs in the room? What if they constantly stayed up late partying in their dorm and not letting him sleep? His dorm mates were going to make him fail Uni and they were going to make him fail his major and he’d be a disappointment to his family and-
“Are you spiralling up here, Jeongguk?”
Whipping his head around, blinking back the tears already in his eyes, Jeongguk wasn’t surprised to see his brother stood in the doorway, just as tall as he’d been since the beginning of summer. He’d had a growth spurt while away at Uni, and his brother’s figure was still a stranger to him even months later.
“Maybe a little.”
Junghyun gave a small smile and huffed air out of his nose in a laugh as he walked over, sitting next to Jeongguk on his bare bed and placing a large hand on his back, rubbing up and down soothingly.
“There’s no need to spiral, I’m going to be there if you need anything at all, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I know…”
Jeongguk gave a sigh, before standing and grabbing the last thing in his room. A backpack filled with snacks and grinks for the upcoming journey, as well as a few books and a sketch pad. He knew he’d be singing and having a fun time with his brother, but there was only so long he could do that without getting bored and overwhelmed with all the noise after all.
Once the bag had been slung over his back, Junghyun reached forward and pulled Jeongguk into another hug, tight and warm.
“You’re going to be fine. If you want me to walk with you 24/7 until you get friends and feel more comfortable on your own, I will. You know Byeol and I will be at your every beck and call if you need anything. Byeol is so excited too by the way, he misses you.”
Jeongguk gave a little laugh, pulling away from the hug.
“Let’s go then, Hyung, the later we leave, the later we get there.”
Junghyun then rolled his eyes, grabbing Jeongguk back and rubbing his knuckled hard into his head, making the younger cry out and try to escape. “What? Like I’ve not been waiting for you for the past half hour while you were up here taking your dear sweet time? Now you want to go fast? Right,make me out to be the slow one.”
Once Jeongguk had escaped his brother’s hold and fixed his dark hair ack into place, he simply smiled and headed out of the room, making an active effort to not look back. He’d be back in a few months for Christmas, there was no reason to get upset. It’s not like he was never going to see his room ever again after all. It wouldn’t be too long before he was back and in his own bed again.
Heading down the stairs, his heart gave a little flip at seeing his parents stood at the bottom, his father’s arm around his mother’s shoulders in a comforting gesture. This had happened a few years ago too, when Hyun was leaving for University for the first time. His mother had gotten upset, his father had done his best to comfort her, and then they’d both cried and called Hyun every half hour to make sure he was safe.
This year was different though. Last year, Jeongguk was there with his parents, upset and immediately missing his brother, but able to support them. The same as the years before. They’d still had their youngest after all, Jeongguk was still with them. But this year, both children were flying the nest, away on their own without their parents’ support.
It was hurting Jeongguk, so he could only imagine how much it was hurting his parents.
Hyun hadn’t gotten upset his first year, at least, they hadn’t seen if it he had. But Hyun was stronger than he was, Hyun had been leaving with his best friend, Byeol, too, so he was more excited while leaving than anything.
“Mom, Dad…” Jeongguk started as he got down the stairs, looking over his parents with a teary gaze.
Immediately, this mother pulled away from his father, reaching forward and pulling Jeongguk into a tight hug.
“You be good, okay? Do what Hyun and Byeol say, stay out of trouble and focus on your studies. If you need anything, please let us know. We don’t want you to be scared and alone. If you get overwhelmed and need to take your aids out, do it, forget what other people think about it. If you change your mind you can come home in an instant, we don’t judge you. University isn’t for everyone, and you’re going to be so far away. We’ll understand if you need to come home. We’ll understand if you need to drop out. We’ll support you through that. Please, don’t worry so much. We’ll always be here for you, Ggukie.”
His father laughed lightly, pulling his mother off Jeongguk gently.
“Okay, dear, don’t smother him. He’s an adult now after all, he can survive. He knows we’ll always be here if he needs us to be after all.”
Giving a small nod, Jeongguk reached forward, kissing his mother on the cheek.
“I’ll be good, I promise.”
Jeongguk’s mother smiled, giving him a kiss back before stepping back, back into her husband’s arms.
“You two better be off, then. You’re definitely coming home for Christmas, right?”
At her two sons’ nods, Jeongguk’s mother let her face relax into a soft smile, doing noting to hide the tears that were starting to fall down her cheeks.
“Okay, off you go then.”
At his mother’s permission, Jeongguk stepped forward, giving his father a hug and watching Hyun do the same and kiss their mother, before walking towards the door, tightening his grip on the bag strap over his shoulder.
Once he stepped out of the door, it was real. Once he got into the car, there was no going back.
Taking a breath to steel himself, Jeongguk took that step, blinking back his own tears as he walked towards the car. He could hear Junghyun’s heavy steps behind him while the car unlocked and Jeongguk let himself in to the passenger’s side and sat down, placing his backpack down in the foot-well.
Junghyun joined him moments later, getting in the driver’s side and strapping himself in, stretching and flexing his hands ready.
“It’s about a three and a half hour drive, once we’ve picked Byeol up, longer if we take toilet and food breaks. Are you ready to go?” His older brother asked, looking at Jeongguk from the corner of his eye.
Junghyun had always been very protective, it was no surprise to Jeongguk that he was worried about how his brother would take pulling away from the house.
“I’m ready, let’s go.”
With permission from the younger, Junghyun started the car and began reversing it out of the driveway, honking his horn to get his parent’s attention and waving goodbye as he did.
Within seconds, they were on the main street, and their house was out of sight.
Jeongguk allowed himself a sigh as he slumped back into the chair, staring at his hands as he tried to process everything happening that day so far. It was only going to get more overwhelming. More people to meet, new environments to discover… it was going to be a lot, but Jeongguk could do it. He could get through whatever this day threw at him. He knew he could. He just had to be patient with himself.
“You doing alright?” Hyun asked, not taking hsi eyes off the road. “We’ll be at Byeol’s place in the next 10 minutes, then we’ll be heading off to Seoul.”
“I’m alright,” Jeongguk tried to convince both his brother and himself, giving the other a smile despite the fact he couldn’t look at him. “I’m excited to see Byeol again.”
“You literally saw him last week.”
“Yeah but he’s a better brother than you.”
Still without taking his eyes off the road, only taking a single hand from the wheel, Junghyun reached over and lightly slapped Jeongguk’s leg.
“Yah, don’t say that. I’m the best brother you’ve ever had.
“Byeol is nicer to me.”
“Byeol has to be, he’s not actually related to you.”
“May as well be, I’ve known him since the day I was born.”
“Yeah, the worst day of my life.”
They shared a small laugh, before the two fell into silence again.
As much as it had been a joke, Byeol was practically Jeongguk’s older brother too. Byeol and Hyun had been born days apart at the same hospital, their parents had been friends beforehand too. They’d gone to the same pre-school, the same elementary, the same middle school, the same high school, and now the same University. They’d been together their whole lives, been best friends their whole lives.
When Jeongguk had been born, Byeol and Hyun had only been 3, nearly 4 years old. Byeol had been introduced to Jeongguk the second he’d gotten home from the hospital, and the toddler had vowed to look after his new friend for his whole life.
And he had. Junghyun had been there when Jeongguk had lost his first tooth, and Byeol had been there too, calming the scared child down and telling him it was normal, everyone went through it.
Both Junghyun and Byeol had been there when Jungkook had started his first day of Pre-school, telling him it was okay to be nervous, that he’d make friends in a heartbeat.
Both Junghyun and Byeol had been there when Jeongguk had been hit by a car. They’d been there when he’d woken up in the hospital, days later, with the sudden inability to hear properly anymore.
Junghyun and Byeol had both been there for it all, Junghyun supporting his younger brother, and Byeol supporting his younger brother too.
It kinda felt like when you were a child, and your mom’s best friend was your auntie and you always saw her as your auntie despite the fact she wasn’t related to you at all. That was Byeol. Byeol was Jeongguk’s brother by soul if not by blood.
When Jeongguk had realised he was gay, Byeol was the first person he’d come out to.
It wasn’t that he was worried that Junghyun wouldn’t take it well, it wasn’t that at all. He knew his brother wouldn’t judge him for it, after all, Junghyun was gay too. It must have just ran in the family.
No, what he was worried about was his parents finding out.
They had taken it badly. Not too bad, but still badly. Blamed themselves, thought they’d failed somewhere along the line, etc. They still loved Junghyun, but something had changed for a few years after Hyun had come out quite young.
Jeongguk hadn’t told Hyun at first, because he didn’t want something being leaked to his parents. He didn’t want to hurt them.
Byeol had held him as he’d cried, Byeol had wiped his tears, rubbed his arms, told him that he was okay. That he was valid. That he wasn’t bad or wrong for finding the boy in his class cute. Byeol had supported him when he’d told his brother, when he’d told his parents.
They were brothers, and always had been. You didn’t have Byeol without Junghyun, and you didn’t have Junghyun without Jeongguk. They were a trio to be reckoned with.
“We’re here,” Junghyun pulled Jeongguk out of his thoughts, the younger lifting his head to see they’d already pulled into Byeol’s driveway.
In the week since he’d last seen his second brother, Byeol had dyed his hair. Where it used to be the same dark brown, almost black that Jeongguk’s was, it was now a bright, luminous blue that assaulted his eyes. It suited him though, the bright colour meshing well with Byeol’s bright personality.
He could see the older hugging his own parents goodbye, the two seeming much happier to let their only child go than the Jeon’s had been letting Gguk and Hyun go, but he supposed they’d already gone through it once, the subsequent times were easier. And this year was the lsat they had to say goodbye since Junghyun and Byeol were now seniors and finishing soon.
Moments later, Byeol was opening the back door of the car, climbing in behind Hyun and placing his bags next to him, throwing a few haphazardly into the boot behind him without a car.
“Let’s go already, Hyun, drive!”
With a small laugh, Junghyun started the car up again, once again pulling out onto the main road.
Jeongguk was still quiet as the two best friends chatted. It was a comfortable silence though, he didn’t feel awkward or out of place. He had just always been quieter than the other two, lost in his thoughts as the two spoke about everything and anything.
“You doing alright there, Ggukie?” Byeol’s deep voice asked, pulling Jeongguk’s gaze towards him.
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
“He’s gotten a bit upset at leaving Mom and Dad, had a bit of a cry in his room this morning. He’ll be okay soon.”
Byeol nodded, giving a little laugh and leaning over, hitting Jeongguk’s shoulder lightly.
“There’s no reason to get upset you know, you have us.”
“I told him that, but you know what he’s like.”
“I know I have you two.” Jeongguk started, not looking up from where he stared at his backpack in the foot-well. “But I don’t want to have to. I want my own friends, not two brothers having to watch over their kid brother and ruin their own Uni experience just because I have zero social skills. I’m going to miss Mom and Dad too.”
Byeol sighed, leaning over again and ruffling Gguk’s hair. “Don’t worry, you’re going to make great friends. We missed you a lot last year, Gguk, and the years before. Hyun barely sleeps the first two weeks of every year because he misses you and didn’t know if you were okay without us. So of course we’re going to be clingy knowing you’re there with us too. But if you need us to take a step back, just tell us, okay? We’re not going to be offended, but we need to make sure you’re okay for our own peace of mind.”
Gguk just nodded, still not looking up and blinking harshly to try and rid the tears from his eyes.
“You good?” Hyun asked, not entirely looking away from the road but glancing over at them.
“I’m good, I promise.”
Deciding to drop the subject, Hyun nodded and leaned back in his chair, trying to relax as Byeol did the same in the back.
“…You know, I called shotgun last week when we were talking about our little road trip. Did you forget about that, Gguk?” Byeol asked, raising an eyebrow with a smirk.
“I didn’t forget.” Jeongguk finally looked up, locking eyes with Byeol and smiling a little at how Byeol’s face lit up at the eye contact. “I just decided to ignore it.”
“You’re breaking shotgun rules, Gguk” He gasped with fake surprise, leaning over to hit the younger lightly, but Jeongguk easily dodged the attack with a laugh.
“I’m not breaking them, I’m changing them.” He said diplomatically. “I was in the car first so I get shotgun, you can fight me for it.”
“I will fight you the second this car stops. I’m older, I get front seat.”
“My brother’s car, I get front seat.”
“I’ve known him longer!”
“Because you were born first, I’m the baby so I get it.”
“This is so unfair!”
“Should have gotten in the car first then.”
“You live with him, how is that even possible?”
“Exactly.”
Giving a small, pretend huff of annoyance, Byeol slumped back in the seat and crossed his arms, all the while twitching his face as he tried his hardest not to smile at the argument, happy that he was apparently distracting Jeongguk from the upset of leaving home for the first time.
It didn’t take long for the car to fall into a comfortable silence, a song Jeongguk only half knew by a girl group he didn’t recall the name of filling the silence as they drove.
Leaning down into his backpack, Jeongguk fished his camera from the bottom, pulling it out of the protective casing and setting it up with a focused gaze, before directing the lens out of the car window, moving the focus and changing the shutter speed as he tried to get the perfect shot out of a fast moving car.
Placing it down for a second, Jeongguk reached up and carefully took his hearing aids out, his hearing ability dropping to moderate to barely there as his function dropped. He only had 10% of his natural hearing in his left ear, and only 15% in his right. But the lack of aids made the squealing of constant interference fade, helping his focus increase.
Byeol watched as he did, seemingly humming along to the song that now seemed to be just static to Jeongguk, but he didn’t attempt to talk so as not to distract the youngest.
Lifting the camera back up and refocusing it, Jeongguk clicked the button a few times before pulling it away from his face to look at the few images he’d just taken. They weren’t perfect of course, some motion blur he hadn’t intended from the speed they were moving, but they weren’t horrific either. A little editing could save them.
Before thinking about it too much, Jeongguk put the camera back to his face and turned to look at his brother, once again changing the focus and taking a quick few pictures of his brother’s focused face as he paid attention to the road, turning more to the point where his waist ached a little to change the settings again and take a few snaps of Byeol in the back, who immediately posed with his fingers up by his face in a peace sign.
Smiling and pulling the camera away again, Jeongguk once again checked his shots, smiling at the photo he’d just taken of the two most important people in his life. They were perfect candid shots, just sat in silence enjoying each other’s company as Jeongguk made his way to the next stage of his life. He hoped they could stay this way forever. He didn’t see why it would change, it hadn’t in all the years previously when Byeol and Hyun had gone, but it was still a fear Jeongguk held.
“You both look great,” He said matter-of-factly.
“Hmm?” Junghyun questioned, while pulling into a different lane.
Byeol gestured a little to Jeongguk’s aids, which he quickly put back in so he could properly hear what the others were saying.
“He was just taking pictures of us, I bet I look hot as fuck.”
“Ever the over-confident.” Hyun laughed. “Good shots, Gguk?”
“Yeah,” Jeongguk confirmed. “I wanna save everything that happens this year, so I can look back on it in the future and remember exactly how we are now.”
“Do you think it’s going to change?”
“I don’t know,” Jeongguk admitted. “But if it does, I want to remember how it was.”
The car fell into silence again, Jeongguk looking through old pictures and Byeol playing on his phone as Hyun drove with ease, not even needing to look up directions as he went. Jeongguk took his aids out once more before taking a book from his bag, settling down and losing himself in the world.
Only an hour and a half in, almost at their halfway point, Jeonggk felt the car move to park up, and Jeongguk became partially aware of the other two in the car talking, which he strained to hear.
“Hyun, I’m sorry, I gotta piss so bad!”
A groan came from his brother, Jeongguk looking over to try and read his brother’s lips. “Didn’t you go before we left? You know its a long drive.”
“I didn’t need it then!” The other claimed. “Please? We can stretch our legs and shit!”
Giving a sigh of defeat, Junghyun turned the engine off in a small town not too far from the main road they were driving on anyway, and parked up.
“Go, find a bathroom, and be fast about it.”
Byeol jumped out of the car and disappeared into the town with a funny little hop as he tried to not wet himself on the way.
Jeongguk watched as Junghyun got out of the car and came to the other side, leaning against Jeongguk’s now open door and smiling at his brother. Knowing he was about to be spoken to, Jeongguk looked at his brother to be able to understand him better.
“Feeling better?”
At the other’s small nod but silent response, Junghyun frowned.
“Still anxious?”
“I’m always anxious.”
“Don’t worry, I know some of the people in your dorm and I know you’re going to be fine, alright? You’re the only freshman in there.”
“Oh, that’s reassuring.”
“It is, it means if you get in to their friend group, you’ll get yourself an even bigger friend group as everyone already knows each other, okay? Try not to worry so much, it’s not good for you.”
Jeongguk stayed silent again, reaching into his bag and taking out a small box and handing it to his brother, taking out a second and throwing it into the back seat for Byeol, before taking out a final for himself.
“Mom made us lunch, eat before we head off again.”
“Alright, boss.” Junghyun laughed, before doing as he was told and opening the little pot. It was nothing special, just a mound of rice and some homemade kim-chi, but it still filled the hole in their stomachs.
Byeol joined them again only a few minutes later and climbed into the back, grabbing his own lunch pot and starting to eat it as they made their way back onto the main road.
The rest of the trip was spent in relative silence. Jeongguk lost himself in his book again, before starting to play games on his phone. Only half an hour after the pit stop, Byeol and Junghyun switched places so Byeol could drive the rest of the way to University. Junghyun claimed it was because he was bored of driving and wanted to play games on his phone for a bit.
Another hour and a half later, they pulled up at the University car park, and Jeongguk’s stomach clenched with dread.
They were here.
There was no going back.