Work Text:
Jeong-hyuk woke up when the night darkness had not yet dissipated, and the house was quiet. For some reason it seemed to him, he heard – through a dream – that the door opened, but there was no one in his bedroom. Only some rustling came from the living room behind the wall.
He tuck legs under him and stood up, trying not to make noise, stretching his stiff muscles, trying to remember why he decided not to go to bed, and fell asleep sitting by the bed on the floor. Something bothered him. Of course, this woman from South Korea bothered him – by her very presence in his life – but ...
«Yoon Se-ri», – he repeated to himself, as if checking to see if he remembered her name.
At night on the pier she hissed at him like a wild cat. It seemed to him that after a while she could begin to scratch and bite. He understood why she was angry. She was tired of uncertainty and helplessness, of the constant danger of being uncovered. She wanted to return home, to her usual safe life, where she would not have to sleep on the floor in someone else's living room, pretend to be a spy or a bride of some stranger. She had been already anticipating that she would soon be at home, but due to an absurd coincidence nothing worked out as he had planned, and she was disappointed and angry. She hardly watched what she said, and he was not surprised.
But she surprised him with some other actions. He expected her to get angry and then burst into tears again, like that evening when he scared her with his return. That she will cry and fall asleep, and in the morning she will put up with the need to wait again. But she did not cry. She was silent. She was silent on the way home, she was silent in the house – she did not answer questions about whether she needed anything, if she wanted to eat. She only shook her head, refusing, spread her blankets on the floor and lay down with her nose buried in the pillow. And this behavior bothered him very much.
He opened the door and looked out into the living room. She lay, turned to the wall, wrapped in a blanket. She breathed barely audibly – as if she was not sleeping at all. Maybe she just couldn’t fall asleep. Jeong-hyuk went to the edge of her bed and sat down next to her.
– Yoon Se-ri? – he called softly.
She did not answer and seemed to completely stop breathing.
– I know that you are not sleeping. What happened?
She sighed in exasperation, not turning to him.
– Nothing happened. And I do not sleep exactly because of this.
She was still angry.
– Yoon Se-ri ... I can only repeat what I have already said. But this is unlikely ...
– Yes, – she interrupted.
– Okay, – he agreed. – But I didn’t ask about that. What happened a few minutes ago, when you looked into my bedroom?
– What? She snorted indignantly. – To your bedroom? Why should I look into there?
– I don't know. That's why I ask. I thought something hurts you.
– Nothing hurts me.
– And then what was the matter?
Se-ri finally turned – rolled onto the other side and stared at him evilly. Her eyes were red. So she cried after all.
– Why are you coming to me … – she began irritably, but suddenly fell silent. She sat up, throwing back the blanket, shook her head, straightened her sweater on her shoulder.
– Ri Jeong-hyuk, I really don't need anything, – she said almost in syllables. – Sorry for bothering you. Go to sleep.
– You’ve been crying.
– Yes, – she answered defiantly. – Is it forbidden?
– No, – he shook his head. – I just don't want you to cry.
Her lips suddenly started trembling.
– Then bring me home, – she whispered, barely audible.
– I said I would do it.
– You said, – she nodded, sniffed, and wrapped herself in a blanket again.
– Are you cold?
Se-ri did not answer.
– I won't go to bed, – he said. – Sleep there if it's cold here.
– Thanks.
She nodded, averting her eyes, and tried to get up, but she nearly fell – as if her legs were not holding her – tangled in a blanket. She sat on the pillow and burst into tears.
– Yoon Se-ri …
– Sorry, – she sobbed. – I did not want this.
– Do not cry.
– It's easy for you to say ...
He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her.
– N-no, I don't need this, – she shook her head, swallowing her tears. – Or you would have nothing to braid my hair with.
***
– I was looking for a pencil, – Se-ri admitted.
Jeong-hyuk was sitting on the floor near the bookcase, and she was on the bed wrapped in two blankets, pulling her knees to her chest and hugging a pillow. It seemed that she was really freezing on the floor, and he did not know who to be angry with: her — for not having said — or himself — for not even thinking about it.
– A pencil? – He asked. – What for?
– To leave a note.
– A note?
– Here, – she handed him a crumpled piece of paper.
«Thank you for everything that you have done for me. I don’t want you to be in trouble again. I will try to return home myself».
Jeong-hyuk felt cold horror filling his heart.
– What does it mean? – he asked. – Did you want to leave?
– Yes.
– Did you want to cross the border? You don’t even know which way to go!
– South!
– Who would have thought.
– Don't scoff, – she whimpered plaintively. – You can’t give up if the situation seems hopeless. Need to act. Otherwise, you can go crazy.
– It would be nice to think before acting, – he said sharply.
– About what?!
– Do you understand that you would not even come close to the border? You would be captured and interrogated.
– No! – She protested angrily. – I was not going to go there! I'm not a fool. If I did, you would all face a court martial, or whatever you call it. I don’t want that at all.
– How else would you leave?
– I wanted to take my paraglider, climb higher and ...
– And wait for another hurricane? Even if you flew to the border, you would be shot in the air – and I don’t even know if our border squad would shoot you, or yours.
– Do not shout at me…
– What?..
– You shout, – she scoffed, offended. – I didn’t leave, I only thought about it. And you are so angry, as if I had already been shot.
He silently looked at her for several moments, and then he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
– Sorry. I'm not angry. I was just ... really scared.
– Because of a court martial?
– No, – Jeong-hyuk shook his head. – Because I imagined you ... How you ...
– Hey … – she called. – Ri Jeong-hyuk, look at me.
– What? – He opened his eyes.
She slid down to the floor with her blankets.
– I understand that I thought of all sorts of stupid things. Don’t worry, – she extended a hand from a blanket cocoon and stroked his shoulder.
– And you promise not to think stupid things anymore?
– I promise, – she nodded. – If you promise to tell me what can be done.
He grunted.
– As soon as I find out what can be done, I will definitely tell you.
– Well, not the promise I was hoping for, – she laughed.
– Sorry, I can't do anything right now. But I will find an opportunity. You will go home.
– Good, – she said quietly, and suddenly moved closer to him and hugged him, pressing her cheek to his chest. – You know, everything I said ... Well, yesterday …
Jeong-hyuk held his breath. She sat right between his knees, and the blankets slip off her shoulders – like snow avalanches coming down from the mountains, melted by the spring sun. It seemed to him that the sun was burning his cheeks. It seemed to him that the floor was shaking under the weight of a striking avalanche.
– I was just very upset, – Se-ri continued.
– I know, – he said, barely audible.
– I'm really very grateful to you for everything.
– I know.
– Have you run out of words? – She raised her head and smiled.
Jeong-hyuk realized that he had been mistaken before: the sun had only risen at that moment. And it was not just burning his face, it could well burn him to the ground.
– Ri Jeong-hyuk?
– M?
– What are you thinking about?
– Nothing particularly special.
Nothing particularly decent. Only about her touching him without any hesitation. About how – at night in the hold – she leaned toward him, realizing what he was doing and why, and grabbed his shoulders, snuggling tighter, ran her fingers through his hair ...
– Morning will come soon, – he said. – Get some sleep.
– And you?
– I need ... I'll be back soon.
– OK. – She got up, picking up her blankets, climbed onto the bed and moved away from the edge, almost clinging to the wall. – Look, there is enough space. Come to sleep too. You will have to go to service soon.
He did not answer, and she did not wait for an answer – she yawned and, it seemed, fell into a dream at the same moment.
Jeong-hyuk went into the living room and quietly closed the door behind him. He really wanted to put his head into a bucket of cold water. And not just the head.