Work Text:
Cloud sent a message to Sephiroth
Cloud: Hey!
Sephiroth: Wow, well isn’t this is a surprise. You’ve never been the one to initiate the conversation.
Sephiroth: In fact, this is the first time you've ever privately messaged me.
Cloud: Oh
Cloud: It's just I have something important to tell you dude
Sephiroth: "Dude"? This is a very strange mood you are in.
Cloud: It's because I'm nervous I guess I'm not thinking straight
Sephiroth: And you are being honest with your feelings around me? This is truly a surprise. I wonder what's gotten into you Cloud.
Cloud: I hate you. Die in a fire.
Sephiroth: Ah, now there's the Cloud I know.
Sephiroth: So, what is this important thing you needed to tell me? I have to admit, you've peaked my interest.
Cloud: Um well this is hard for me to say but I think I'm attracted to you.
Sephiroth: Oh?
Cloud : Yeah I think your hair is so beautiful luscious and long I just want to sniff it.
Sephiroth: Okay.
Cloud: I love your figure your ass is out of this world your boobs are so succulent like a bee I just want to slurp on your flowers until that sweet sweet nectar comes out.
Sephiroth: Okay.
Cloud : Um so yeah. I think you are hot.
Sephiroth: I'm guessing you are expecting a response from me. I should give you one since you've been so...brave to confess. Though, honestly, I do not know how. I never expected you to be this forward.
Cloud: You could respond by emailing me a pic of your gorgeous naked body.
Sephiroth: Excuse me. Are you asking for a nude?
Cloud: Maybe ;)
Sephiroth: This really isn't like you at all. I have a lot to digest. Please give me time to sit on this information.
Cloud: No problem!
PuppyDog sent a message to Operation: Get Sephiroth and Cloud to fucc so they can stop being pent-up grumpy bitches
PuppyDog: I think I fucked up
Abs: Oh did you now mister "I'm the master of seduction"?
PuppyDog: yeah :/
FlowerGirl420: What happened?
PuppyDog: Apparently I was so good with my flirting that Sephiroth suspects that I'm not Cloud
FlowerGirl420: You know, we really should have thought about that.
Abs: I did! I told Zack like 5 times that he needed to act like Cloud!
PuppyDog: i wasn't listening
Abs: Ugh
Flowergirl420: It's okay Tifa honey, you tried your best.
Abs: Thanks love :)
Elena: Um, sorry to interrupt but, I'm not entirely sure why you invited the Turks to this group chat?
Elena: Aren't we enemies?
Flowergirl420: This is more important than our rivalry.
Elena: We've tried to kill you guys?
PuppyDog: you do not understand how badky those two need to fuck
Abs: I hate Sephiroth as much as the next guy but, those two need to hate fuck so badly.
Abs: I'm afraid the sexual tension between those two will eventually build up so much it'll cause a nuclear explosion.
Elena: Um, and this constitutes a peace pact between us?
Good little slut <3: yes it does listen to them elena This is important.
Elena: Well, alright
Good little slut <3: honestly those two are driving me Crazy
Good little slut <3 : whenever I get Horny I just go out and Fuck
Elena : I know Reno
Good little slut <3: I would never be able to get to the point those boys are at
Good little slut<3: The second I feel the need to fuck I fuck noo building-up bullshit.
Elena: I know Reno
Good little slut <3: Hell the first time I had sexual thoughts about Rude I didn't hesitate for a second I showed him my hole immediately
Rude: We know Reno, we were all there.
Abs : We were literally all there, it was in the middle of a fight dude…
Good little slut <3: Yes exactly! I don't know what these morons are waiting for
Flowergirl420: Unfortunately, this is what happens when two extremely emotionally repressed people want to have sex
Abs: Both are too stubborn to be the first one to give in and put down their "I hate you" facade
PuppyDog: Man this is seriously like perry the platypus and dr doofenshmirtz
Abs: I'm begging you to shut the fuck up
PuppyDog: I thought I was being poetic…
Good little slut <3: Pffffft see this is why you guys should have let me be the fake Cloud
Flowergirl420: You would have somehow fucked it up even worse than Zack did
Good little slut <3: Ouch
Rude: Is this plan ruined then?
Abs: I don't know we'll have to see
Abs: But I'm going to guess yes
Elena: That's unfortunate...I think?
Elena: What are you going to do now?
Flowergirl420: Don't worry, we have 15 more back up plans
Elena: Wow! This really means a lot to you guys
Abs: It really really does
PuppyDog: Don't worry guys I'm sure our next attempt will be a success! :D
Abs: We've excluded you from the remaining 15 plans
PuppyDog: D:
Cloud sent a message to Sephiroth
Cloud: What scheme are you trying to pull?
Sephiroth: Well hello to you too.
Cloud: I'm not going to play games with you, tell me what you are trying to do. NOW.
Sephiroth: Well, aren't you being a little aggressive. What's wrong Cloud?
Cloud: You want me to say it out loud?
Sephiroth: Hm? What's that?
Cloud: I don't know what you were trying to pull by sending me a picture of your naked body but whatever it is, you aren't going to win.
Sephiroth: Is this supposed to be a joke? You asked me directly for them.
Cloud: Nice try, but I'm used to your stupid, little tricks.
Cloud: If you don't tell me what your plan is right now, then I'm leaving.
Sephiroth: This a drastically different change from this afternoon. What is wrong with you? I don't find this kind of role-playing appealing, you know.
Cloud: Fuck off Sephiroth
Sephiroth: Hm, you are really going to play this game?
Sephiroth: It's okay, you know, to love me. I'll admit I've always found you to be quite...special.
Cloud: Seriously, be quiet. I don't want to hear any more of your tricks.
Sephiroth: Oh is that so?
Sephiroth: Screenshot.jpeg
Sephiroth: Then what was this all about?
Cloud: Are you being serious?
Sephiroth: Very much so.
Cloud: That's Zack's account, he just changed his username to Cloud.
Sephiroth: What do you mean?
Cloud: You can tell because the profile picture is different than mine.
Sephiroth: Oh, I see. Well, I've never gotten the hang of these new technologies.
Cloud: You can not send messages to this user
User Sephiroth has you blocked
Meanwhile in Cloud's computer…
>Open message from Mamasboy@shinra
>Open attachment
>Save image
>Image 'for later' was moved to 'Sephiroth' folder