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“Get away from me, you Devil!” Francis yelled as the feral cat clawed at his face wildly. This must be some sort of cosmic punishment. He thought to himself. I’m attracted to absolute hot messes, and I have the nerve to complain when the one I’m sleeping with kidnaps a feral cat off an empty lot?
Francis had promised himself that he’d stay away from Charles, but he always came running back. The man had so much internalised homophobia, which Francis subconsciously found really hot. He knew that this was concerning and probably due to unresolved issues Francis still had with his sexuality, but he was rich! The one percent didn’t go to therapy - they either became recluses on private islands who may or may not hunt humans for sport, or engaged in blind hedonism resulting in long term health issues and possibly an early, tragicomic death. Duh.
During this bad coming-of-age film style reverie, Francis had managed to shut the bathroom door, separating himself and the cat with a thankfully solid looking piece of oak. The feral cat let out a low, near-satanic yowl and scratched on the door.
“Shut up, fucker.” Francis shouted, and began to cry like he was a kid on a road trip looking out of the window while listening to SInce U Been Gone, pretending like this was a music video. A single tear poetically slid down his face, and he fought the urge to take a picture of himself, stick a black-and-white caption on it and post it to Instagram with a Lana Del Rey lyric for the caption.
The cat seemed to have calmed down a little - perhaps it had picked up on the melancholic mood. Francis decided to open the door and let it out of its prison. He felt so lonely that even some mangy, rabies-ridden cat might have lifted his mood. Shakily he got to his feet and opened the door, finding the cat chilling in the bathtub.
“Mind if I keep you company?” He asked. The cat did not reply, but glanced at him in a way that seemed to say sure, whatever. Francis maneuvered himself into the tub and sat opposite the cat.
The cat stared at Francis with his bloodshot eyes that seemed to say ‘ Tell me your problems. I am wiser than you think.”
“ Well, if you insist.” Said Francis.
Two hours had passed, and Francis was venting to the feral cat about every single problem he’d ever had. “........ And then I turn to my mother and I say ‘listen, your new boyfriend’s gay. We literally matched on Grindr two hours ago and he sent me ten eggplant emojis in a ROW.’ I even showed her the screenshots! But she just didn’t care…. God, I’ve made this all about me, haven’t I?”
The feral cat arched an eyebrow at Francis like a slightly teasing old friend.
“Here I am complaining about stuff that happened years ago when you’re in the middle of a crisis yourself! You must be so mad at Charles for trapping you in this house. I’m sorry on his behalf.” Francis said, sighing.
The feral cat meowed and seemed to be saying ‘ Stop bearing the weight of his mistakes. Charles is the villain here. We are but pawns in his disaster of a life.”
“God, you’re so right!” Francis exclaimed. “Here I am, calling you a Devil, and Charles is the only one that’s actually done anything wrong! I’d have been as mad as you if some absurdly rich, sexually repressed twenty year old took me away from my home.”
The feral cat looked pensive, then. Tears gathered in his yellow eyes.
“You miss your friends and family, don’t you? We’re miles away from them here. God, this is awful. Charles just doesn’t know the extent of the damage he causes.” Francis said. His eyes met the feral cat’s, and he saw his own sadness reflected back at him.
The feral cat stood up suddenly. He had an idea. ‘Let’s get revenge’ , he seemed to say.
“How?” Francis asked, but the plan was forming in the back of his mind too.
‘ You make sure the back door’s open, and I’ll go absolutely nuts on Charles. He won’t know what’s hit him. He doesn’t know the extent of my power, he didn’t even consider my strength - and for that, he is a fool.” Communicated the feral cat, eyes gleaming.
Francis smiled. “You’re not so bad after all, feral cat.”
The feral cat foamed happily at the mouth.
Francis reached out a hand and the cat allowed him to pet him. He purred quietly. Francis’ eyes filled with bittersweet tears. He would be betraying Charles, the boy he thought he’d loved. But he’d made a wonderful friend in the feral cat - this he knew for sure.
They crept downstairs together. Francis snuck to the back door and opened it, praying to Dionysus that it wouldn’t squeak and reveal the plan too early. The door, thankfully, was silent. Francis had a full view of the living room, where Charles was slumped over a chaise longue.
The feral cat sauntered into the room and hissed menacingly. Charles sat up in a daze, but when he saw the feral cat his eyes hardened. “Francis!” He yelled. “Put the fucking cat back into the bathroom! Can’t you do anything right?”
Francis stiffened at the sound of his own name, then flinched at the insult. Even though logically he knew he shouldn’t care about Charles, the man, parasite-like, held a permanent place in his heart. He kept silent, however. Justice needed to be dealt.
“Jesus, fine, I’ll do it myself.” Charles said, blaspheming because even though he was supposed to be a Catholic he was quite bad at it. He stood up and stepped towards the feral cat.
Screeching, the feral cat jumped at Charles at the speed of light, only a blur in Francis’ vision. Charles let out a scream as the cat slashed at his face, at his shoulders, at his arms. Francis winced at the intense violence, but knew this was karma in action. Charles put his hands in front of his face, but the shield was ineffectual and the feral cat attacked him expertly.
Finally, the feral cat decided to be merciful. He jumped down and ran towards Francis. It was then that Charles caught sight of Francis.
“Francis! Shut the door, you idiot! The stupid thing’s going to get away!” He yelled. Seeing that Francis wasn’t going to help, he started to run towards the cat. “Run feral cat, run!” Francis yelled as the cat sped towards the door. Charles was gaining on him, however. He was within reach, and with surprising dexterity, reached down in an attempt to grab the cat. Francis knew if he caught him this would all be over. With a surge of loyalty to his new friend, he stuck out his foot. Charles crashed to the floor with a screech.
“Have a sad little life!” Francis shouted as he ran out of the door behind the feral cat, deaf to the cacophony of insults and expletives spewing from Charles’ drunken mouth.
Francis had reached his treasured car by now, where the cat stood waiting. He opened the passenger door for the feral cat, who jumped in. Francis leaned forwards and helped the feral cat fasten his seatbelt, then positioned himself behind the wheel.
Laughing, they drove down the drive as the clouds cleared above them, opening the world up to a beautiful, hopeful spring day. The wind tousled their hair and the sun shone pleasantly down on them. Francis thought to himself, I wish this day could last forever.
It was with a heavy heart that he parked the car next to the abandoned lot that the feral cat lived in. The feral cat turned his head towards Francis and purred in a bittersweet way. “Well, this is goodbye, I suppose.” Francis sighed.
‘Yes, I suppose it is.’ The feral cat’s eyes seemed to say, melancholically. Already, his friends and family were walking up to the car, amazement plastered over their feral little faces. They all meowed in unison, ‘ You’re back! You’re back! We missed you so much!’
Francis had expected the feral cat to jump out of the car without looking back and join his loved ones. Instead, he undid his seat belt and jumped over the gear stick, into Francis’ arms. Francis hugged the feral cat, tears falling down his face unashamedly.
In Francis’ arms, the feral cat made eye contact one last time and seemed to say ‘We will always be friends. I’ll miss you and you’ll miss me, but I wish you every happiness. We might never see each other again, but I will think of you and all you did for me every day.”
The feral cat’s eyes shone with tears as Francis opened the door and let him out onto the lot. “Goodbye, feral cat.” He sobbed.
‘Goodbye, Francis.’ The feral cat seemed to say as his friends and family crowded around him ecstatically.
“You’re the best friend I ever had.” Francis shakily whispered as he drove away, back towards Hampden.