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Jiang Cheng numbly shuts off the TV. This is—bad, if he dare say so, and he eyes Lan Xichen from the corner of his eyes.
He was just supposed to stay over for the evening, so that their brothers could get some alone time—Jiang Cheng will not repeat how Wei Wuxian had called it—and then Lan Xichen was supposed to go back home.
Which he can’t now, with the nation-wide lockdown in progress.
“It seems like your stay here will be a bit longer than anticipated,” Jiang Cheng says, and Lan Xichen jerks at his words.
Jiang Cheng tries to summon a smile for him, but it’s hard. Jiang Cheng doesn’t know how he’s going to survive a whole month with Lan Xichen this close. He’s already in love with the other man, and Jiang Cheng doubts that this forced time together will change anything about that. It will probably only make him do something stupid, like blurt out his feelings.
Fuck.
“If you would excuse me,” Lan Xichen suddenly says and stands up. “I have to make a phone call.”
“Sure,” Jiang Cheng says with a frown, because Lan Xichen’s voice sounds off, but Lan Xichen stalks away towards the guest room.
Jiang Cheng tries not to dwell on Lan Xichen’s odd reaction and instead busies himself with getting some sheets and towels for Lan Xichen.
He’s going to need it, now that he’s going to live with Jiang Cheng for a month. He thinks he has a spare toothbrush somewhere as well, but Jiang Cheng decides to hand off the sheets first.
When he approaches the guest room, he can hear that Lan Xichen is still on the phone, so Jiang Cheng intends to just put the sheets on the chair right next to the door but he stops dead in his tracks when he realizes what Lan Xichen is saying.
“Wangji, please,” Lan Xichen begs. “You have to get me out of here!”
There’s a brief silence, just long enough for Jiang Cheng’s stomach to drop out before Lan Xichen goes on.
“You know I can’t stay here. A whole month! What am I going to do? I can barely stand being around him for a whole day!”
Jiang Cheng blinks a few times at that, trying to process what Lan Xichen has said, but when the full meaning hits him he starts to shake.
Of course Lan Xichen would hate him. That’s just Jiang Cheng’s luck, and he wonders how he could have ever hoped for something more.
He always knew that it was more than stupid to fall in love with Lan Xichen—because what did Jiang Cheng have to offer him, really—but it never occurred to Jiang Cheng that Lan Xichen might resent him that much.
“Wangji!” Lan Xichen’s voice shakes Jiang Cheng out of his stupor and he shakes it off.
It shouldn’t be a surprise to him; after all, this is the reason he never told Lan Xichen about his feelings in the first place.
Jiang Cheng knew nothing would come of it.
So Jiang Cheng clenches his jaw and shortly knocks on the door, before he puts the sheets and towels down.
Lan Xichen barely spares him a glance, too busy staring at his phone, and Jiang Cheng guesses Lan Wangji simply hung up on him.
“Everything alright?” Jiang Cheng forces himself to ask and something inside him shrivels up when Lan Xichen summons up a smile for him.
Jiang Cheng never noticed before how strained they looked.
“Yeah, yeah, everything’s good,” Lan Xichen lies straight to his face and Jiang Cheng turns away from him.
“Are those for me?” Lan Xichen asks and Jiang Cheng nods shortly.
“I think I have a spare toothbrush too, I’ll see if I can find it. You can just—feel right at home, don’t hesitate to use whatever,” Jiang Cheng says, because he will not let his hosting skills be another thing Lan Xichen hates him for.
“Thank you,” Lan Xichen lowly says and Jiang Cheng shrugs.
“Yeah, whatever,” he mumbles and then flees the room.
Life after that is difficult. Jiang Cheng tries to stay out of Lan Xichen’s way as best as he can, so that Lan Xichen doesn’t have to be subjected to his presence for hours on end. For a whole five minutes after the announcement Jiang Cheng had been tentatively happy, because for all that he was scared that he would do something stupid eventually, he really did enjoy spending time with Lan Xichen.
But since the reverse is not the case for Lan Xichen, Jiang Cheng makes himself as scarce as he can under these circumstances.
Jiang Cheng made a little nest in his own room so that he doesn’t have to venture out into the living-room or kitchen too often, and Lan Xichen’s rigorous sleep schedule let’s Jiang Cheng roam the apartment as much as he wants after nine. He tries not to think too much about Lan Xichen’s distaste for him, but it’s hard.
Jiang Cheng always has an ear out for Lan Xichen, and only eats quick snacks in the kitchen or he takes them back to his room. He only cooks late at night, when he’s sure Lan Xichen is already asleep and so far it’s a well working system.
His diet is not thanking him for it, but whatever. If it means he doesn’t have to sit across from Lan Xichen during dinner—where the guy doesn’t even speak, Jiang Cheng knows that from past experiences—then he can damn well handle almost midnight snacks.
It’s all going more or less well, with how Jiang Cheng keeps interactions between them to a minimum; at least until he ventures out of his room at half past nine in the evening and runs straight into Lan Xichen, who is sitting at the kitchen table.
“What?” Jiang Cheng blurts out, because this is not supposed to happen.
Lan Xichen is supposed to sleep at this time and Jiang Cheng is supposed to be able to walk around his own apartment without feeling like an intruder.
“So it’s true,” Lan Xichen says and he sounds way too dejected for Jiang Cheng’s liking.
“What is?” Jiang Cheng asks.
“You’re avoiding me.”
That stops Jiang Cheng for a few moments, because Lan Xichen doesn’t seem happy while he’s saying that and it simply doesn’t make sense.
“Of course I am,” Jiang Cheng gives back, and is startled to see that Lan Xichen almost seems hurt by his answer.
“Why? What did I do?” Lan Xichen wants to know and Jiang Cheng can’t look at him any longer.
He crosses his arms in front of his chest, suddenly aware that he’s only wearing one of his old sleepshirts and sweatpants, and he avoids looking at Lan Xichen as best as he can.
“I thought you would be happy with that,” Jiang Cheng tells him, completely on the defence now, and he wonders why Lan Xichen is forcing this confrontation now.
“Why would I be happy with that?” Lan Xichen asks and now Jiang Cheng has had enough.
Jiang Cheng is a big boy. He can accept that someone doesn’t like him. There is no need for Lan Xichen to be cruel like this about it.
“It’s okay, you know,” Jiang Cheng says and when he briefly looks over at Lan Xichen he sees that he’s frowning. “It’s okay that you don’t like me,” he goes on, not quite able to say that Lan Xichen hates him, “and you don’t have to force yourself like this. I’m doing everything I can so that you don’t have to see me more than necessary and I’m sorry that you got stuck here with me, but we can’t change that now. We can just continue to coexist without actually meeting each other like this for the next few weeks and afterwards each of us will go our ways, and you won’t even have to see me anymore.”
“Why wouldn't I want to see you anymore?” Lan Xichen demands to know and Jiang Cheng wonders how much Lan Xichen truly hates him to make Jiang Cheng put it into words.
“Because you hate me,” Jiang Cheng lowly says and then it just spills out of him. “And I get it, there’s not much to like about me after all, and being forced to spend time with me is only going to make that worse, but I can’t change it, and I’m sorry for that. I know you’d rather be locked in here with literally anyone else than me.”
“You think I hate you?” Lan Xichen asks and he sounds choked up, so Jiang Cheng finally looks at him again, just to find a look of pure horror on his face.
“I know you never wanted to let me know about that,” Jiang Cheng reassures him, despite how much his heart hurts, “and I thank you for at least trying to keep it a secret, but it’s okay.”
“Nothing about this is okay!” Lan Xichen says and Jiang Cheng takes a step back he’s so surprised by his outburst.
“Did someone say I hate you? How did you even get that idea?”
“I heard you on the phone with your brother,” Jiang Cheng admits, “that very first night. I know you would have done everything to get away from me.”
“That was not—,” Lan Xichen starts but he has to stop with how vigorously he is shaking his head. “It was not about that,” he then decidedly finishes and Jiang Cheng lets out a bitter laugh.
“I heard you, Xichen,” he bites out and then drags a hand over his face. “Gods, this would be so much easier if you could just admit to it. I can take it if you hate me, but I can’t take it if you try to play me for a fool. Why lie about something I heard with my own ears?”
“Because you don’t know the context,” Lan Xichen says as if that would really make a difference.
“So enlighten me then,” Jiang Cheng bitterly says. “What is the goddamn context?”
“The goddamn context,” Lan Xichen gives back and Jiang Cheng is taken by surprise at the force of his words, “is that I love you!”
It’s almost like Lan Xichen’s voice rings out for several moments in the kitchen, because neither of them say anything, Lan Xichen because he clearly doesn’t know what to add to that, and Jiang Cheng because he simply doesn’t know what to say to that.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Lan Xichen says after at least two minutes of Jiang Cheng not saying anything and it’s that what finally jolts Jiang Cheng out of his stupor.
“You what?” he asks because this isn’t right.
This cannot be what Lan Xichen really said.
“But you said you can’t stand to be around me for even one day!”
“Because I’m in love with you and I’m going to do something stupid, like kiss you, or pull you into a hug, or both!”
Jiang Cheng blinks at Lan Xichen.
“I’ve been in love with you ever since our brother’s met,” Jiang Cheng can hear himself say, and gets to watch as Lan Xichen’s eyes go big.
“But that’s when I fell in love with you,” Lan Xichen shakily says and Jiang Cheng can’t help himself, he bends over and just laughs and laughs.
It’s the stress and the relief and the fact that he’s so damn much in love with Lan Xichen that it hurts, he knows, but he can’t stop.
It isn’t long before Lan Xichen joins him, much softer and more sedated, and Jiang Cheng only stops when Lan Xichen comes close enough to put one hand on his shoulder.
“Will you please come out of hiding now?” Lan Xichen lightly asks him and Jiang Cheng tilts his head so he can trap Lan Xichen’s hand between his shoulder and his cheek.
“I was hiding because I thought you seeing me all day long would only make you hate me more and annoy you to no end,” Jiang Cheng admits and then sighs. “And because it hurt to always be reminded that you don’t like me at all.”
“But none of these things are true,” Lan Xichen gently reminds him and Jiang Cheng smiles at him.
“So there’s no reason for me to hide, is there?” Jiang Cheng asks and then lets himself fall forward until his chest hits Lan Xichen’s chest. “You promise it’s true?” Jiang Cheng can’t help but whisper.
It’s been a week now. That’s a long time to believe something like this.
“I promise it’s true. I’m in love with you,” Lan Xichen immediately gives back and bends down to press a lingering kiss to Jiang Cheng’s head. “And I would very much like to see more of you around your own apartment,” he then tacks on and Jiang Cheng chuckles.
“Alright, then. Guess I’ll have to abandon the nest in my room.”
“How about we build a new nest in the living-room, for the both of us? We will have three weeks to kill after all,” Lan Xichen suggests and Jiang Cheng’s smile turns soft.
“I would like that,” he mutters and then peers up at Lan Xichen, barely believing that he gets to have this.
“I promise,” Lan Xichen tells him again and then guides his head up with a finger under his chin.
Jiang Cheng follows him easily and the kiss that follows is one of the softest and most exhilarating things Jiang Cheng has ever experienced.
“Okay,” Jiang Cheng breathes against his lips, even though he knows he’ll have to hear it a lot more often until it really fully sinks in, but Lan Xichen seems to be up for the challenge.
“Go to bed now,” Jiang Cheng carefully nudges Lan Xichen when he yawns. “It’s way past your bedtime.”
“Only if you promise I will see you tomorrow,” Lan Xichen argues and Jiang Cheng smiles at him.
“I promise you will see me tomorrow. No more hiding. Though, I can’t promise to be up and about at five. That’s just—no. I’ll be aiming for seven.”
“Make it half past seven and I’ll have breakfast on the couch for you,” Lan Xichen replies and Jiang Cheng burrows close, just for a moment, slinging his arms around Lan Xichen’s middle and pressing his whole body against him.
“Okay,” he agrees and then pushes Lan Xichen towards the guest room.
He watches fondly as Lan Xichen staggers away from him, his delayed bedtime now hitting him hard it seems, and even though there is still a small grain of doubt in Jiang Cheng he feels more relaxed than he has in a long time.
They still have three weeks. There is so much time to figure everything out.