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Chu Wanning sits at the edge of the campfire celebrations, never one to force himself into the festivities. Usually, Mo Ran would keep him company, but this evening he’s draped himself across Xue Meng and Shi Mei’s lap. Xue Meng is pretending (badly) to be angry and Shi Mei is putting up with it, politely, as always.
Mo Ran catches his eye from across the makeshift campfire, and gives him a fond smile that Chu Wanning knows is only ever directed towards him. He never wants Mo Ran to stop looking at him like that.
Eventually, after Xue Zhengyong has come over to sing his praises and congratulate him on his exemplary fighting, he notices Mo Ran hug Shi Mei and Xue Meng tightly. It might worry Chu Wanning, but Mo Ran is probably just jumpy after today’s close call, and he stops being able to think about much of anything when Mo Ran bends down to put his mouth next to Chu Wanning’s ear and suggests in a low voice that they should find somewhere more private. He would say he hates how easily that voice gets his blood hot but – well.
He lets Mo Ran’s warm hand guide him to a collection of trees at the edge of their camp, next to the chain-link fence, and he lets Mo Ran pull him into a tight hug, burying his face into Chu Wanning’s neck. Chu Wanning wraps his arms around Mo Ran’s neck and starts stroking his hair softly. Mo Ran buries his face deeper into the crook of Chu Wanning’s neck, but doesn’t start laying wet kisses there like he usually does, instead inhaling slowly and heavily.
“Wanning,” he breathes out eventually. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” Chu Wanning replies immediately, slightly confused by the direction this meeting seems to be taking.
Mo Ran takes a step back, unlooping Chu Wanning’s arms from his neck in a fluid motion and clasping Chu Wanning’s hands in his own. He gently, reverently places a kiss on the back of each of Chu Wanning’s hands, and one each on his inner wrist.
“Thank you.” Mo Ran says, moving one of the hands in his grip to cup his face, and Chu Wanning absently brushes his thumb softly over Mo Ran’s cheekbone.
“For what?” He asks.
“For loving me.” He replies simply. “I have a request, actually.”
“Anything.” Chu Wanning says easily, because he would do anything for the man in front of him. Mo Ran’s replying smile is bittersweet, and the worry he felt before starts creeping back.
It hits him full force when Mo Ran reaches behind himself and pulls out a handgun tucked in the waistband of his pants, and curls Chu Wanning’s fingers around the cold metal.
“Why-“ He starts to ask, voice trembling, but Mo Ran interrupts him.
“Actually, to be honest, in the raid earlier, I got bitten.” His voice is carefully nonchalant, and he rolls up his sleeve to reveal a raw, already festering wound, unmistakably a bite mark. Even in the dusk light Chu Wanning can see how bad it is. He feels sick. “With this, I have a day, two at most, before I turn.”
“We’ll find-“
“Find what? A cure? In a day?” Mo Ran sighs. “Be pragmatic, here. I can’t be saved.” Chu Wanning feels a sob try to escape out of his throat. “Do you really want to risk everyone’s life on the slimmest chance I can be saved? Is my life really worth all of theirs?”
Yes, Chu Wanning thinks desperately, it is.
“You can’t ask me to do this.” His voice comes out wet, shaky.
“I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you, but I’ve always been selfish, haven’t I?” Mo Ran smiles sadly at him. “I want your face to be the last thing I see.” He carefully wipes his lips dry, making sure there isn’t any saliva that could carry the disease, and places a chaste kiss to the corner of Chu Wanning’s lips. “Baobei, Wanning, thank you for all the time we’ve spent together. It was truly wonderful.”
“I can’t, I can’t, I don’t want to lose you, please –“ Chu Wanning chokes out, the trembling of his shoulders betraying his usually faultless bearing.
“I know, I’m sorry.” The hand keeping Chu Wanning’s fingers wrapped around the gun tightens almost imperceptibly. “To be honest, I don’t want things to end like this either.” Mo Ran slowly moves the barrel of the gun up to his forehead. “I want to grow old with you, Chu Wanning.”
“I want to grow old with you, too.” He replies desperately, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. “Mo Ran, I didn’t tell you that I love you enough. I have to tell you more.”
“It’s okay, Wanning’s love has always shown through his actions, even if he didn’t say it.” Mo Ran flicks the safety off. “I know that you’ve loved me for a very long time.” He grips Chu Wanning’s wrist, forcefully holding the gun to his head. “So, if I have to die, if it’s by your hand, I don’t think I’ll mind as much.”
“Mo Ran,” Chu Wanning blurts out, and his finger tightens around the trigger.