Chapter Text
Atsushi opened his eyes and groaned softly as he rolled over, nearby he could hear hushed voices and whispers. Writing it off as the other children plotting something he refused to open his eyes. He groaned again, he didn't remember the beds of the orphanage being this hard at least not as hard as the basement floor. He shivered and hugged his body. No, don't think about that right now. The morning bell hadn't rung yet so Atsushi was going to sleep for as long as he could before he had to start on more backbreaking chores. He heard something shuffle in front of him and then the sun hit his closed eyes, he brought up his hands to cover his eyes. Atsushi sighed knowing it was useless at this point to try and sleep more he yawned softly before stretching but stopped short when his hands hit a hard surface. His eyes shot opened and he bolted upright before wincing as he hit his head letting out a soft whimper his sunset-colored eyes examined what he had assumed to be his new cage.
He was confused to find that instead of cold bars what he was seeing was smoothed, polished wood. Now that he looked at it he could determine that he was uneath a desk similar to the one he saw in the headmaster's office when he would drag him screaming-
No, stop it. He berated himself and took a deep breath before looking out through the opening of the desk he was huddled beneath. He saw feet. Six pairs he counted. Instantly thinking it was the other children coming to gang up on him once again he shrank further into his hiding spot letting out a slightly louder whimper. Keeping his eyes locked on the feet in front of him he watched and waited for them to make their move, would they drag him out by his hair? Or maybe they would pull him by his feet and kick him until he couldn't move then tattle to the headmaster of his laziness for points. One of the people in front of him decided to kneel and Atsushi had to bite back a yelp of surprise when he realized it wasn't one of the children but an adult, he had chocolate brown hair matching his deep brown eyes that stared at his in a calculating manner that made the young child feel as if he was a bug under a microscope. Soon enough though, the calculating stare softened as the man smiled. He looked back to his companions before speaking.
"It's indeed a little Atsushi-kun!" He declared causing Atsushi to flinch at his loud volume.
How does he know my name...? Atsushi had to remind himself that these were adults, he could not trust adults just as much as he could not trust the other children.
"Really!? Let me see!" A younger voice cried out excitedly and shoved the older man away before peering underneath the desk. A boy with wide warm brown eyes a complete contrast to the man he saw before, he had blond hair and hanging from a string around his neck and wore torn blue overalls over a worn-out white shirt. He smiled widely as his eyes feel upon Atsushi's small form the younger boy detected nothing but warmth from his expression but still couldn't allow lowering his guard just yet so he made sure to scoot back, even more, to put distance between them. "Aw, you don't have to be scared!" He exclaimed with his smile still present. "I won't hurt you," He reassured but Atsushi wasn't hearing any of it and proceeded to push himself against the wood more.
Behind the boy and the other a door opened and closed as seemingly more people entered. Atsushi could faintly hear them conversing with each other but they stopped as they got closer, he would have to guess it was because of their companions surrounding the desk he was hiding beneath.
"What's going on?" A male voice called out tentatively and the other adults turned to face the owner of the voice.
"Well, this is interesting," The man who had peeked down at Atsushi moments earlier said with a low chuckle.
"Dazai-san what did you do this time?" The voice sighed as its owner walked closer and stopped just a few feet from the desk.
"What? I'm wounded that Atsushi-kun thinks so poorly of me!" Atsushi was confused now, who was that man talking to? It could just be that he and the other person just happen to share a name. The other sighed and stepped forward more until he was right next to the desk along with the others.
"I think he has a right to think of you like that," Another voice called from across the room.
"Oh hush," The man waved off the other voice the turned back to the newcomer. "What don't you see for yourself?" The crowd of feet parted letting Atsushi get a good view of the legs belonging to the new person. This person wore small ankle-length boots and black pants that stopped just below his knees letting his claves show, a long black belt hung from his waist and dangled near his legs. The person sighed before kneeling and peering underneath the desk.
Wide fearful sunset eye met confused sunset eyes. Atsushi took in the appearance of this new person, the had the same eyes as he did along with the same silvered color hair only difference being that his hair was longer. The newcomer blinked in confusion before looking up at his companions.
"Is this some kind of joke?" He asked blankly. "Why do you have a child trapped under Ranpo-san's desk?"
"We didn't trap him, he was under there when we found him," Another man who Atsushi assumed was to be Ranpo called.
"He looks too much like you for this to be a random child," A woman's voice pointed out. The male sighed and looked underneath the desk at Atsushi again, taking everything that had been said into account Atsushi's small ten-year-old brain concluded that the person before him must be an older version of himself. How that was possible he didn't know nor did he think he would figure out how this had happened. Atsushi looked at... well, himself curiously before hugging his knees tighter and lower his head so only his eyes could be seen by his older counterpart. The older Atsushi frowned a little before glancing at his associates once more.
"He's scared, I won't be able to get him to come out with everyone surrounding him like this," The late teen told the rest of the office's occupants. There was the sound of feet shuffling and people moving around until suddenly it was silent. Atsushi carefully looked up again and saw that his older self was sitting on the floor with a gentle smile on his face. "Hey there," He called gently prompting Atsushi to lift his had more. Atsushi frantically searched his face for any hidden signs of ill intent in his multi-colored eyes but only say a hidden sadness much like his own, at that moment he knew that his older self understood. He understood what pain Atsushi was put through daily, he understood why he was being wary of the other adults in the room.
He understood what it felt like to be him.
Tears came unbidden to his eyes and he scrubbed them away, never would he have ever thought that maybe someone out there would know how it felt to be beaten time and time again by the Headmaster.
"Hey, hey, it's okay now." His older self called once he noticed he was crying. "You're not in the orphanage anymore, you're safe here." He told him, Atsushi looked up to the teen sitting patiently in front of him. "Do you want to come out now? You don't look very comfortable," He suggested lightly and Atsushi quickly wiped away his tears and nodded slowly before uncurling from his position. He crawled forward peeking his head out first, he saw several people watching from all around the room though none of them were close enough to hurt him it made him hesitate to see so many eyes on him. He looked back to his older counterpart and saw him flash a reassuring smile. "Don't worry they aren't going to hurt you, but I would recommend staying away from Dazai-san..." He trailed off with a light chuckle.
"Atsushi-kun, you wound me!" Said man fell backward acting as if he had been shot. The older version of Atsushi laughed quietly before directing his attention to his younger self. Atsushi looked around once more before letting his gaze set firmly on the young man in front of him, he didn't have to trust the others but if there was one person he should be able to trust it should be himself. Slowly Atsushi crawled out from his hiding spot and moved towards his older self once fully out he tried to stand but his legs were trembling so bad he would have fallen forward if not for the arms that moved to steady him. The small boy tensed and looked up slightly panicking but calm slightly when he saw it was only his older self was holding him up from falling.
The older Atsushi stood up taking his younger self into his arms, the small boy let out a surprised squeak but didn't push him away and instead let himself be carried.
"Aw... Atus's so cute!" The blond boy Atsuhsi had seen earlier proclaimed cheerfully but did not step forward still heeding what his older self had told the others. Atsushi's brow furrowed slightly at the nickname as did his older counterpart.
"Atsu?"
"Yes, he needs a nickname it would be much too confusing to have to call you both the same thing," The man with brown hair explained for the young boy. Atsushi looked down at his younger self.
"Are you okay with that?" He asked him gently, the small child looked at him with wide eyes confused as to why he was getting a say in anything. when he deemed that he was serious he nodded shakily. The females in the room cooed quietly at the sight before them.
"Dazai! You mindless bastard!" Kunikida bellowed from across causing both silver-haired males to flinch at his sudden spike in volume. The blond stormed over to where Dazai was kneeling in front of Atsu trying to convince him he wasn't all that bad and grabbed him by the back of his neck before dragging him towards his desk. "Stop slacking off all the damn time!" He screamed.
"Kunikida-san..." Atsushi tried to intervene eyeing his younger self worriedly as Atsu was staring wide-eyed at the older man.
"I'm tired of you shoving your work onto me!" He continued to shout shaking the suicidal man back and forth.
"Kunikida." A stern voice caused the office to fall silent. All the agency members stop what they were doing and stared as the president of the agency stepped out from his office and slowly made his way to the small child sitting next to the weretiger. Atsu was clutching his head and breathing heavily while Atsushi tried to console him to the best of his abilities. He knew to touch him was a no go understanding that physical contact would only make him panic more, all he could do was gently call his name in hopes he would hear him. He looked up at Fukuzawa as he stood in front of him and Atsu, he looked at Atsushi and nodded before kneeling in front of the child. Atsu was now gasping for breath and staring at the floor with wide fearful eyes and pleading quietly now and then for forgiveness as if he had done something wrong. The elder male placed a gentle hand on Atsu's head, Atsushi opened his mouth to advise him not to but was surprised to see Atsu didn't lash out but instead froze and looked straight into Fukuzawa's eyes.
Atsu's first thought was this was the Headmaster and he had come to take him back to the orphanage, he blinked and soon he could spot the differences between the men. One main difference was their eyes, while the Headmaster's eyes were normally full of hatred and cold anger this man's eyes held soft patience and understanding of his distress. Atsu still wasn't used to being looked at like this with such care and regard for his well being.
"Are you alright?" He said in a deep voice that wasn't the harsh grating sound he had grown accustomed to but a sift almost fatherly tone that made his heart ache. He looked at the man before him not knowing how to answer it was obvious that he wasn't okay but he didn't want to become a burden to the kind man. Decided that maybe just this once it was okay for him to be selfish he shook his head telling the director that he was indeed not okay. The man nodded slightly before looking to Atsushi and said something that Atsu was able to hear, he felt arms wrap around and moved to fight back.
"It's okay, it's just me," Atsushi said quietly causing Atsu to stop struggling he looked up with tears still falling and saw his older self was gazing at him with sad eyes. A glance around the room showed him that so was everyone else, having sympathy directing towards him was still weird for him. Atsushi glanced at the others before following the director with Atsu sniffling in his arms, Fukuzawa led them to his office and sat at the table in the center of the room gesturing for both silver-haired children to have a sit as well. Atsushi complied easily though slightly tense because as kind as Fukuzawa could be he was still rather intimidating to the teen, he sat Atsu down next to him, and the small child clung to his side still recovering from his initial panic.
"Would you care to explain this situation?" Fukuzawa said after a tense moment of silence his silver eyes briefly glancing at the small child struggling to steady his breathing still and he clutched to Atsushi's shirt.
"I don't really know what happened but Dazai and Ranpo had told they found him underneath Ranpo's desk when they had come in this morning," Atsushi relaid what he had been told by his superiors. Fukuzawa returned his gaze to the young teen and nodded slowly.
"I see..." He said quietly. "Do you know what frightened him?" He asked, and if it wasn't for the many time Atsushi caught the man acting soft over small animals and cute things he would have missed the way his tone softened with concern. Atsushi glanced down at his younger self sadly then looked down letting his gaze settle on his hands folded neatly in his lap.
"He..." The were-tiger started but had to take a deep breath to calm his nerves. "I don't like loud noises very much because..." He felt Atsu clutch the fabric of his shirt tighter signaling that he was listening as well as the director. "They remind me of my time in the orphanage..." Atsushi trailed off and closed his eyes tightly trying hard to not let any unwanted memories bubble to the surface. "I'm assuming when Kunikida-san began to yell at Dazai it startled him since he still isn't used to everyone yet." Atsu hadn't been here for a whole day yet so it was understandable that he was still wary of everyone, he had shown signs that he had taken a liking to Kyoko which was a good thing considering that he was most likely going to stay with them later on in the evening.
"I see," Fukuzawa said again, Atsu peeked over at the older man curiously. He had stopped shaking and his grasp on Atsushi's shirt had weakened. "Since you have more work to do he can stay here with me if he wishes to do so," Atsushi glanced down at his younger counterpart who in turn looked up at him with wide trusting eyes.
"Will you be okay if I leave you in here for a bit while I work?" Atsushi asked. Atsu glanced at the director then back to Atsushi and nodded slowly if his older self seemed to trust him enough to talk about the orphanage then he could try and give the man a chance.
When Atsushi came back after a few assignments and dozens of typed reports- left to him, courtesy of Dazai. He found Atsu sitting in the Fukuzawa's lap while the elder filled out paperwork, Atsushi couldn't help the smile that crept along his face at the sight of Atsu so calm and comfortable with his superior.
Atsushi awoke to the sift knocking on the closet door where he slept, stifling a yawn he opened being greeted with the sight of Kyoka waiting on the other side.
"Kyoka-chan, wha-" He was cut off hearing a low chuffing noise coming from behind her, his eyes widened when he realized what was wrong. He had forgotten that tonight was a full moon, Atsushi mentally berated himself for letting something so important slip his mind. He quickly moved past the female, behind her taking up nearly the entirety of Kyoka's futon was a white tiger gazing at them with bright yellow eyes. Atsushi had never seen the tiger apart from the many dreams he had including the beast so seeing it in the flesh was very strange. Kyoka stood right behind him on guard in case the tiger made any move to attack them, Atsushi continued to stare at the feline as this was the first time he actually could see it without worrying for his safety.
The beast was smaller than he remembered but he chalked that up to being because the version of him was equally small, it was slightly thinner as well but didn't look weak in the slightest. The moonlight that bled from the window reflected off of the tiger making it shine with a blue glow. The tiger stared lazily at Atsushi seeing no reason to attack the two humans in front of him. Atsushi moved slowly towards the large animal and it continued to watch him with calculating eyes as if it wasn't sure Atsushi could prove to be a threat.
Atsushi couldn't understand why he felt compelled to move closer to the tiger but he felt as if he needed to reassure that this was a safe place for it. Somewhere deep inside of him was a presence that he realized was the tiger in him wanting to reassure its younger self that its host was safe here, it wanted to let the other tiger know that as long as it was here Atsu was safe.
"The Headmaster isn't here, he's safe here- you're safe here," Atsushi found himself saying.
Kyoka watched on from behind in awe at how Atsushi was able to get so close to the tiger, she had tried but did not want to risk angering it so she chose to keep her distance. She knew that Atsushi still struggled to accept his ability as his own so to see him confront it head-on was a surprise. Kyoka's brows furrowed when Atsushi's words reached her ears he spoke in a soft tone so it was hard to hear but she had managed to pick it up just barely, she didn't know much of Atsushi's time in the orphanage only that it was far from delightful. She hated knowing that it still bothered him.
Atsushi was now crouched in front of the other tiger slowly reaching his hand out to touch the white feline, its ears pressed against its head and it let out a low growl in warning Atsushi froze but didn't put his hand down.
Let me...
Atsushi frowned and looked to Kyoka and she looked to him with worried eyes. "Kyoka-chan, if anything goes wrong, get Dazai-san immediately." He said stiffly. The young female nodded and continued to watch clutching the stuffed rabbit Atsushi had gifted her close to her chest.
Tch. Don't trust me much, do you?
Never can be too careful.
I suppose you are right.
Atsushi closed his eyes and let the tiger take over, it was different this time though. He wasn't shoved out of control this time but slowly guided towards the sidelines. He could feel his presence fading but wasn't afraid, he would come back and if the tiger was telling the truth Kyoka was safe.
Kyoka watched with wide eyes as Atsushi slowly transformed. Soon enough Atsushi was no more and in his place stood the majestic full form of his ability, the tiger looked her way and she held her breath expecting the worse. What she didn't expect was the large beast to bow its head as if thanking her or simply acknowledging her presence, stunned she shakily nodded back to it before it turned to the smaller tiger in front of it again.
The tiger gazed down at its past self with a soft gaze, despite its lack off fear and worry being shown it knew that it was very wary of where it and its host were.
Stand down, they mean no harm. You and the boy are safe here.
He commanded gently but stern enough to get his point across, and the tiger cub tilted its head down before rising it up again in understanding. The older feline sat down near the other beast seeming satisfied with his work but did not turn back into Atsushi, he looked back to Kyoka who was still watching albeit more relaxed now that she was sure nothing bad was going to occur. Seeming to understand that the tiger was inviting her to lay with them considering they both were on top of her bedding she slowly stepped forward before slipping in between the two large cats after some shifting she finally was comfortable.
If someone were to have told Kyoka a year ago that she would willingly sleep between two ferocious tigers she would have never believed them.