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“Stop being lazy,” Bakugou snaps to Todoroki. “This ain’t the time to sleep.”
They have to work this out, figure out what the hell happened and how life can go so wrong, why such a diabolical quirk even exists in the first place, why someone decided turning them into eggs was an acceptable thing to do when meeting two of the best upcoming heroes.
Apparently it shouldn’t last long but that’s not the point. Even as a fucking fried egg Todoroki looks serene and exceptionally ethereal.
It’s just so ridiculous.
“Oh… you’re boiled,” Todoroki hums absently on the plate, blinking one eye open. “That suits you.”
What the fuck.
There is no way such a shitty compliment should be allowed to exist. And no way is it doing stupid things to Bakugou’s heart.
He tries to get closer, poke the idiot into moving but it’s god damn impossible.
“At least we’re not scrambled,” Todoroki muses. “That could complicate things.”
Bakugou doesn’t snort at the stupid comment because he’s an egg and eggs don’t laugh.
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t,” Todoroki is smiling, far too content considering he’s a fucking egg.
“Relax, Bakugou. We’re lucky this happened once we were back at the dorms. And it’s not like we can go eggs-ploring this way.”
That’s part of the fucking problem. Like hell is Bakugou prepared to let anyone else see him as a sentient egg on the kitchen counter. He’ll never live this shit down.
No way- wait a minute.
Narrowing his eyes, Bakugou looks over at the idiot. A stupid egg, the worst he’s ever seen.
“What did you just say?”
“I was making a yolk.”
If Todoroki could he would be gesturing to himself. Instead, he stares at Bakugou.
“Because we’re eggs. We-“
No. Bakugou cannot deal with this shit any longer. It’s abysmal.
“I hope you fall off the edge and splat all over the floor, bastard.”
Todoroki doesn’t seem bothered by the empty threat, eyes gleaming with something knowing.
“That’s not very nice. We are friends, don’t fry and deny it.”
That’s it. He’s officially cracked.
Mustering his best glare, Bakugou bursts. Even as an egg he reckons he could be intimidating if he wanted to be.
“Shut the hell up!”
“You mean shell, not hell.” Pause. “Because we’re eggs.”
“When this is over, I swear to fucking god you’re-“
“Fried?” Todoroki guesses and he’s enjoying this too much.
It’s absolutely an unwarranted comment. But he doesn’t stop there.
“I’m already in that state of disposition, so you’ll have to do better than that.”
Oh. He will.
Bakugou is going to really whisk up a fucking storm. For now, he’ll sit here. As an egg, trying to pretend that Todoroki doesn’t look good and Bakugou will never be able to eat a fried egg again without seeing his face on it.
What a nightmare.
Unfortunately, it gets worse. Because even as an egg Todoroki can speak and Bakugou can hear familiar voices approaching.
“If we close our eyes, maybe they won’t realise…” says Todoroki, eyes already closed and it should not be endearing.
There is no way in hell the extras won’t notice that there is something funky going on with the eggs randomly sat on the kitchen counter.
Eggs that look suspiciously like two of their absent classmates.
But the biggest mystery and indicator will be the lack of fucking washing up to go with the food, considering Bakugou is the only one capable of cleaning up mess.
Maybe if everyone pulled their weight around here and Bakugou wasn’t single-handedly carrying everyone through the domestic part of their final year then this would be better.
The voices get closer and fucking great. Given the lack of volume control it is definitely Bakugou’s band of loser-clowns.
This is not what he needs.
He just wants to be an egg in peace until all of this is fucking over.
Kaminari, Sero and Kirishima enter the kitchen. Considering how loud they’ve been, it’s weird how they suddenly found the ability to shut up.
“Where do you think he is?” Kaminari asks, looking over to the common room.
“No idea,” Sero opens the fridge. “But we need to hurry up.”
The labelled tupperware that clearly does not belong to any of them, that Bakugou would have begrudgingly shared but now out of principle won’t at all, is taken out the fridge.
What the fuck.
“Oh, hey!” Kirishima points towards Todoroki. “We could add some egg to-“
“Stay the fuck back!” Bakugou yells as they approach. “Don’t steal food without asking. And don’t you dare touch that egg. You hear me?!!”
Despite being an egg, his voice is loud enough to have the three idiots jolting back in surprise. Sero almost loses his grip on the Tupperware. He catches it at the last second.
Good for him. Death would have been the only option otherwise.
Even Todoroki seems impressed - awed may be a better fit. There’s no reason for the bastard to look so enamoured about a shouting egg.
“D-d-did- did the eggs just talk?” Kaminari stutters and it’s fucking hilarious how spooked he is.
Beside him, Sero clasps his shoulder. As a form of moral support and also because he’s scared shitless too.
Over eggs.
“Man. I’m losing it. That really sounded like Bakugou…” Kirishima admits, crouching down to inspect the eggs.
Kaminari and Sero join in. Three moronic faces stare down at them. With a grin, Bakugou realises there is a way he can get out of this unscathed emotionally.
“Boo,” he growls out.
The reaction is not at all what he expected. The trio scream dramatically, jumping octaves and out of their skin. Kaminari hops into Sero’s arms who is karate chopping the air. Thankfully the food remains unharmed - Bakugou worked hard cooking that shit. Kirishima falls to the ground, eyes wide and full of raw fear.
What the fuck.
“The eggs are cursed!” Sero yells.
Holding onto his saviour tighter, Kaminari shields his eyes from the eggs. Like it burns to look, like he’s the poor sucker in a horror movie that keeps making all the wrong choices.
“I’m a future celebrity - get me out of here!”
Kirishima is already out of the kitchen, diving to take refuge on the common room couch. Behind him, the pair of idiots follow. Bakugou watches in abject disbelief.
It’s awful, it’s hyperbole.
That really happened.
“You saved me,” Todoroki breathes, a tiny smile flourishing into the corner of his yolk-face.
Worse, he actually sounds genuinely floored by this. As if Bakugou would actually let him die by the hands of their own friends as an egg. As if they’re in the midst of some epic saga and this is a huge inspiring moment.
Everything is absurd. Nothing matters anymore.
“Whatever,” Bakugou snaps back with the click of his tongue sharpening the word.
Unfazed, Todoroki continues and says something so out of place it’s a wonder Bakugou doesn’t truly crack there and then.
“We should do this again sometime, it’s nice.”
“We’re eggs,” Bakugou manages weakly.
God.
Lips pursed, Todoroki seems to consider this seriously. Then, with a more prominent smile, he looks over. It’s so fucking terrible that they’re having an actual moment - a moment that they’ve been building up to for a while.
They’re having it now. In the kitchen. As eggs.
Fuck.
“I know. I mean, when we’re not like this. We should do it again.” Pause. “Do you want to?”
If he had a face it would be red so at least Bakugou has that going for him right now. There’s no way the bastard can see how much this stupidity has affected him, crawled into his heart and squeezed tight.
“You’re really doing this now?”
They’re eggs.
Todoroki looks at him expectantly from where he’s laying on the counter.
“Fine. Just - don’t tell anyone.”
“Oh.”
Bakugou dislikes how crestfallen the idiot looks. Shit. That came out wrong. Even as an egg, Todoroki is a fucking sight. There is no way he is going to ever be embarrassed about the fact they have finally sorted out the thing they’ve been circling around for a while.
“Not like that. Don’t tell anyone you asked me as an egg.”
“But Bakugou-“
No. That’s dangerous. Todoroki has that look where he’s about to say something awful and nothing that follows this is worth hearing.
Nevermind. Bakugou takes it all back. He’s done with this. He really is.
“You’re a good egg.”