Chapter Text
“Jeon Jeongguk, you better get your ass over here kid.”
Mary-Jane yells across the hospital hall. She has been a nurse for over 20 years, but never has she seen a kid so damn stubborn. Her eyebrows scrunch together as she puts her hands on her hips. The kid approaches, knowing he’s about to be lectured for some dumb shit he probably did but didn’t even realize.
“Yes, mom.” The kid chuckles. He likes to tease his favorite nurse with that. She’s been taking care of him for so long that she could be considered his second mother. “I’m right here.”
“How many damn times do I have to tell you to take your meds? You kept asking for me to leave them for you. You want to take the responsibility and didn’t want me to give you them myself every day. Now that I’ve left that duty to you and trusted you to take care of yourself, you don’t do it! Your ass is lucky I still check in regularly, even with my busy schedule. Or else we would have to start an entirely new treatment for you, little shit.”
All that yelling really has Mary-Jane tired. Jeongguk never learns, never listens. Typical behaviour for a typical teenager. But Jeon Jeongguk isn’t a typical teenager. He was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, or CF for short, a condition that causes the body to produce way too much mucus in the lungs, resulting in difficulty breathing and frequent lung infections. Cystic fibrosis is not curable, but there are treatments for it. The treatment includes taking medicines frequently to help prevent the mucus build-up. And this damn kid isn’t doing it.
“Sorry, MJ.” Jeongguk lets out a laugh after saying Mary-Jane’s name like that, knowing she hates being called by her initials. “I was too caught up editing my new videos.”
“I’m not in the mood to joke around here, Gguk. You are the one who has to take care of your own health. You know CF isn’t curable.” Shit. She just reminded him of the hopeless future that’s ahead of him. All because of an incurable sickness he can’t help he had to be admitted to the hospital, not knowing when this repeating routine in the hospital will end. “Honey I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Mary-Jane hastily apologizes, but gets reminded that she’s still scolding Jeongguk. “This does not mean I’m not mad at you for forgetting your medicine either, little kid. I’m gonna be checking in tomorrow to make sure you do take them.”
She pats the little one’s head and goes on to do some checking in with the other patients.
Jeongguk sighs.
She’s right after all. This isn’t curable, and he should take care of his health better. He just can’t find the motivation to do it. Where is the hope anyway. It’s not like it will go away after he takes the meds. To make his mom and dad content, he has to do it. If it wasn’t for them he wouldn’t give a shit about all this stuff.
Jeongguk returns to his dorm and opens his laptop. He just needs to add some background music and cut out any unnecessary bits and the video is ready to be posted onto his YouTube channel where he updates his CF journey. His videos have been getting more views lately, so he has to work hard on the quality of the videos he’s putting out.
An hour passes. It’s 9:30 PM now, meaning almost bedtime. Jeongguk posts the finished video on his channel and turns on FaceTime. He misses home.
“Namjoon-hyung!!” The edgy teen who stood up against Mary-Jane suddenly turns into a whiny little baby. “Did you see my new video? I worked really hard on that one. It’s all I do nowadays.” Jeongguk has always looked up to his hyung. To him, Joonie-hyung is the coolest human on Earth.
“Calm down you little snot. It just popped up in my notifications like five seconds before you called me. Now shut up and let me watch it.” Namjoon’s eyes glued onto his phone screen.
“So? How was it?” A large grin forms on Jeongguk’s face, anticipation building up as he waits for his very cool hyung’s comment on his video.
“Not to be mean to you but-”
“You don’t like it???” - the kid frowns.
“Hahaha I’m just messing with you kiddo. I really liked it. Your transitions are getting smoother and smoother with every video. Not to be corny but I’m really proud of you, shithead.”
“I knew you would like it.” Jeongguk smiles. “Hyung I need to go to bed now. It’s almost 10:00 PM. Can you say hi to mom and dad for me please? Tell them to watch my video too. But remember to remind them to watch on their own phones!! I need the views hyung.”
“Leave that to me kid. Call them tomorrow morning. I’m sure they want to talk to you too. Sleep well Ggukie.”
Jeongguk ends the call with a smile. His hyung is so fucking cool. Another reason to take the medicines. He doesn’t want Namjoon-hyung to be disappointed. He opens up the notes app on his laptop. He decided to make a to-do list to sort his shit out. He has never made a proper one and committed to it before because to-do lists are for the organization freaks, as Jeongguk says it. Yet here he is, entering the first task:
Remember to take your medicine.
As careless as he is, he has to be responsible. For hyung. For mom and for dad. For his lover, if he had one of course.
Jeongguk is someone who loves deeply and purely but has problems truly expressing his feelings. The poor kid lost hope in true love after his first girlfriend broke up with him. He was diagnosed with CF at 14. At first she was caring and attentive. It made Jeongguk feel like the happiest person alive to know that he’s loved. He was happy that she still loved him and cared for him, even with this damn disease. The only thing was that he didn’t know how to express that. From being caring and coming to visit with gifts and snacks for Jungkook, she became more and more distant, thinking that Jungkook doesn’t appreciate what she was doing for him. They broke up on a phone call, which crushed Jungkook of course. Since then, he hasn’t been interested in dating anyone anymore. It would still be nice to have someone to love and to care for. He promised himself he will learn to open up to his next girlfriend. It gets lonely a lot of the time here. If Mary-Jane wasn’t so caring about his feelings and talked to him every day he would have been left alone with no one to talk to in this ward.
Jungkook gets up to open the window to let fresh air inside. The light of the crescent moon finds its way into the window of his room. He looks up at the sky. Normally with the bright city lights, you wouldn’t be able to see the stars above. Tonight, though, the stars are gathering around the soft glowing moon. When he was younger, his mom would tell him stories about wishing stars.
You choose the star that you feel most attracted to, darling. It doesn’t have to be the brightest one or the biggest one you see. You will know the star is your wishing star right at the moment you look at it.
Jeongguk isn’t one to believe in “this kind of hippie bullshit”, but the atmosphere tonight is a little too nice, as if the stars are begging him to look at them. Begging him to choose one. To make a wish. Just make a wish Gguk.
And so he did.
Eh, too bright.
This one’s too dull.
This one doesn’t feel right.
This one doesn’t either.
That one-
His eye stops at the star closest to the moon. There’s something weirdly captivating about the star. It isn’t super bright, but it’s glowing. It looks like it’s borrowing the light of the moon since it isn’t bright enough to shine on its own. Weak, but captivating. It knows how to survive at least, even if that means using a mask to cover up how weak it is.
That’s it. Jeongguk decides that that’s his star. He makes the wish. His face slightly frowns as he thinks of the wish. For someone who said they don’t buy this type of shit, Jeongguk is surely thinking hard about this
This is his one wish. He thinks of his parents and Namjoon, thinks of his condition, thinks of this pain that he’s enduring every single day. All he wants right now is happiness to be completely honest. He’s been living with CF for almost 4 years now. It’s like waiting for your death to come but still dreading it. The stages of acceptance are long but after nearly 4 years you just automatically accept that this is your life. This is his life. He has cystic fibrosis and there is nothing that he can do about it.
I would give anything to have the rest of my days be a happy journey. I want to be surrounded with love. I want someone to love. I want this life to at least have a meaning. Please. Grant me this wish.
Jeongguk opens his eyes. This is so fucking stupid. He laughs to himself as he looks at his reflection in the window’s glass. Whatever. He’s tired. Jeongguk returns to his bed and turns the lights off, still hoping that the stupid wishing star brings a purpose to his life.
The universe has moved for us
Without missing a single thing.
Because our happiness has been planned.
Cause you love me
And I love you.