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"Why would you fake it Ellie? Why would you pretend to be someone else for so long? Why did you act as if you were him?" Aster asked Ellie, confused about everything that happened. "I thought he was genuinely interested in all these things I showed him, the books, the drawings on the wall, I thought it was him."
Ellie was nervous, she didn't know what to say or do, she had to tell Aster the truth, she couldn't let her stay with no answer.
"I'm sorry, it wasn't supposed to be more than one letter. I never meant to hurt you." Ellie said, her voice cracked.
Aster was hurt "deep down, I probably knew the truth" Aster felt how Ellie's eyes stared into her, "you really didn't use enough emojis in his texts"
"I don't know what they mean." Ellie was baffled.
Aster replied "A puppy or… a sausage."
Ellie interrupted Aster "I should have sent you a sausage emoji?" confused again about what the other girl wants.
Aster smiled "fair point." Ellie smiled back, their eyes stared into one another. "For what it's worth... it's not like the thought never crossed my mind."
"I want to be honest with you Aster, when Paul came to me and said he wants me to write a letter for him I said no. But then I saw how he tried so hard to make you like him, he tried to like the things you like, he tried to read the books you like and understand your language, he just wanted you." Ellie said and now she is the one interrupted, by Aster "You could've stopped him Ellie, you could've told him no, or stop after one letter. Yet, you didn't. why?"
Ellie thought back to the day where Aster first wrote back "I didn't want to keep going but then I saw what you wrote back and I couldn't let Paul stay on his own with this, he needed help."
"He could've done it on his own if you gave him some tips and not write as if you're him though, couldn't you?" Aster asked.
"Well I could but…" Ellie was interrupted by Aster "but what Ellie? But what?" She asked, in a need for an answer. "Never mind Aster." Ellie couldn't say any words back to the girl right in front of her because she felt intimidated and scared, telling her how she feels scared Ellie.
"No you can't leave me hanging like this, you need to tell me the truth. You hurt me, played with my feelings, I have the right to know." Aster defended.
Ellie didn't want to say what she feels right away, but she knew that if she will say things that don't answer the girl's question, she'll tell her to cut straight to the point.
"You wrote words that I connected to, it was the first time I talked to someone that really understood me in some way." Ellie said while she looked down on her feet, she tried to be as farther away as she could from Aster's eyes, they made her feel things. "Remember that day when we were both at the restroom and these two girls talked badly about you? Well, you probably don't, but I do, this little exchange they had, when I saw you like that, it made me look at you differently."
Aster couldn't figure out why Ellie cared this much about her, she knew Ellie had some kind of feelings for her, it was obvious by the way she looked at her and how hurt Ellie was when Aster saw Paul and Ellie kiss.
"You know… if things were different. Or I was different." Aster said.
"You could never be different" Ellie said as she walked away while she held her bicycle. Aster followed her. "Am I sure I'm different? How do I know I'm sure?" Ellie mocked her a little just to tease her.
Aster heard what Ellie said and stood up for herself "Hey. I can be sure."
Ellie kept going "I mean, what does God think?"
"Oh, my god." Aster scoffed. "And on, and on, and on." Ellie mocked the girl again, that's when Aster stood up for herself again "And you know, you" Aster stumble on her words "you watch. Okay? In a couple of years, I'm gonna be so sure." She said and made sure Ellie looked into her eyes.
"Good luck with that." Ellie said. And Aster chuckled softly at her words.
"Find something good in Iowa to believe in, Heathen." Aster wished Ellie.
"Aster?" Ellie asked the girl. "Yes?" Aster said.
"I wrote more letters to you because ever since the first time I saw you in class. Ever since the first time I heard you sing. Ever since this time we had a little conversation in the halls where my books dropped and your eyes looked into mine. Ever since you wrote more letters to Paul and I found out more about you, I couldn't let you go. I wanted to know more. I felt like I could live in an ocean of your thoughts. Even if these letters were never meant for me, they made me feel something. I felt special." Ellie couldn't believe how honest she was with the girl but she couldn't stop herself now.
"These letters made me feel special too and now I can see the reason you had to hide yourself, but I do wish you told me it was you earlier. We could talk just like we did then but no lies were present. We could've shared our mutual interests in person, it could've gone differently." Aster said.
Ellie remembered what Paul told her about the first time he kissed Aster, how he had a look from the girl and he knew he could kiss her and make his move.
Once Ellie was closer to the beautiful girl, she could see this look Paul talked about, and she knew has to kiss her right there or she won't have another chance. She has to kiss her. she didn't even take a second to think if she should kiss her or not, it was the thing she had dreams about, however it was still the thing she was so terrified of.
Ellie grabbed Aster's face and kissed her immediately, she felt how Aster kissed her back, she gave her another long kiss that made her breathless.
Aster didn't know what to say or do, she just smiled, she felt mesmerized by the feeling of Ellie's kiss on hers, the way it felt to kiss her, her soft lips, she wishes she could kiss her again. she was happy that she had the chance to kiss her. Aster had a big smile on her face and she didn't want it any other way.
Ellie was happy that she kissed Aster, she had a big smile on her face as well, almost as big as Aster's.
Aster had to break the silence and said "are you seriously going to ditch me now to another college far away after this? You can't leave me Ellie, we have many things to discuss." She winked.
Of course Ellie was a mess just by this wink, everything that Aster did made the girl weak to her knees.
"Aster... I'm sorry. I'm not about to ditch you though, yes, we are about to be apart from one another but I can still keep in touch with you. Just text me. I can't let you go that easily and you probably already know that." Ellie said and ended her words with one last kiss on Aster's cheek, she made her blush right away.
"See you around Aster."
"See you Around Ellie."