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It had been eight days.
Eight days since he'd come back. Since Alec had hugged him tight and they'd whispered their 'I love yous' into each other's lips. Eight days since he had slept for what felt like the first time in decades. Only eight days and everything still felt too new and too fragile and Magnus was afraid of clinging too hard or it would disappear.
Magnus stopped outside the bakery and stared at the sign, chewing on his lip as he debated for the third or fourth time, if bringing Alexander coffee from his favorite shop every single morning was too much, or not enough. He blew out a hard breath and stepped into the warm interior. He took a slow inhale and walked up to the line, settling in.
Well. Perhaps it was too much, but at the very least it gave him an excuse to go talk to Alec every morning before he spent time with the kids. Magnus smiled faintly and tapped his fingers against his necklace. They were all so wonderful, and they all clearly adored Alec. He was still an unknown entity, but the kids were starting to warm up to him and that's all Magnus had needed. Just a chance to win them over.
He picked up Alec's coffee (and the accompanying blueberry muffin that Alec liked to spoil himself with from time to time), before he headed towards the children's home. Like always, the sight of the two names on the outside had him shaking his head, because he couldn't believe that his name was there, that it had been something he had been a part of without even being here. Alec had honored him in a way he'd never be able to repay no matter how long the both of them lived.
Magnus hummed and let himself in, feeling the tingle of wards settling over his skin. He suspected that Madzie had done the warding, and her greeting a week ago (was it truly only a week when he'd talked to her for the first time in decades?), held true. Her warding was unparalleled and he couldn't be more proud. Of course, there were tricks that he wanted to teach her, ways to cast the spells she was using less energy, less effort and to weave them in such a way that would increase the security-
"Magnus!" Em shouted, waving to him from the playroom. "Is it time for lessons?"
"It will be shortly!" he called back, grinning at her, dropping his glamour. "Go round everyone up and we'll head into the back yard. I'm just going to see Alec!"
Magnus watched her run off screeching for the others and turned towards Alec's office, knocking briefly on the door before he pushed it open, holding out the coffee in offering. Alec's relieved blue eyes met his and Magnus felt his heart turn over in his chest. That was the first time Alec had looked at him without the glamour without flinching. He hadn't realized how much he had missed that level of relaxation.
"You know you don't have to bring me coffee every morning," Alec teased, putting aside one of the papers he was reading, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "But I'm not going to say no if you want to."
"Today it's coffee and a blueberry muffin," Magnus said, presenting the coffee and bag to Alec with a grin.
Alec chuckled. "You spoil me," he said, reaching out to take the bag and cup from Magnus before yawning. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Max didn't sleep well, and I was meaning to ask you about it, because I have a feeling his horns might be coming through and I didn't know if there was anything you knew..."
Magnus knew that Alec was still talking, but all he could hear was ringing in his ears. His eyes were caught on Alec's left hand. The long fingers that were wrapped tightly around the coffee cup, showcasing the silver ring he was wearing on his ring finger. His chest tightened and his heart threatened to collapse on itself, even as he stared at it in shock.
"Magnus?"
Magnus barely managed to snap to attention, blinking hard through the tears that had started to threaten. He took a step back, away from the concerned look in Alec's eyes and the way that he looked like he was going to stand up and ask about whatever had happened. He breathed, slow and steady, trying to calm his magic, but his mouth was dry and there were too many thoughts in his head.
Alec frowned, putting down the coffee and pastry, turning his full attention to Magnus. Magnus, who looked like he'd seen a ghost and had his heart broken all at once. "Magnus, look at me," he ordered, standing up slowly, only to watch Magnus take another step away. His heart cracked, and fear gripped him so tightly he could barely breathe. "Don't run," Alec begged. "Please, Magnus...don't-"
"I..." Magnus shook his head, taking another deep breath, his hands shaking, sparks chasing between his fingertips. "I, why didn't you, why didn't you tell me, why didn't you..." he chanced another glance at the ring, but it was still there, mocking his achingly broken heart all over again, because why had he tried to hope? This was what he got for trying to hope. No less than he deserved.
"Tell you what?" Alec asked, stepping around the desk, watching Magnus back away from him further. "Magnus, what are you talking about? You're..." he swallowed, meeting Magnus' eyes. "You're worrying me."
Magnus wanted to laugh, because how could Alec care about him like that when he was married to someone else? How had he not met him yet? Unless perhaps he'd died and Alec wore the ring out of respect for him. The idea choked him and Magnus fought down the tears until he was almost choking on them, blinking hard. "I wish you'd told me," he breathed. "Oh Alexander, why didn't you tell me? Did you think I'd mind?"
Alec swallowed, keeping his eyes trained on Magnus, but at least the other warlock didn't appear quite as ready to bolt as he had a few seconds ago. He could even hear the sounds of little warlock feet scurrying into the playroom behind him. "I don't know what you're talking about, Magnus. You're going to have to tell me, because I don't know what's going on."
"Alec," Magnus started, and when had his hands started to shake? He shoved them into his pockets and tried to keep breathing. "Alexander, your...." he forced the words out, dropping his eyes to the ring again. "You're wearing a ring on your ring finger."
Alec's eyes widened and he dropped to the ring, realizing the assumption Magnus had made in a split second. His head snapped up and he saw the hurt and pain clouding Magnus' eyes and shook his head. "Magnus, no, no, it's not what you think, it's-"
"Alec," he choked out, his voice too hoarse and too pained, but he couldn't stop it. "It's okay, I promise it's okay. I, I was gone for so long, I should have known that you'd, that you would try to be happy. I just wish..." Magnus fought down the words, because he deserved any pain at Alec's hands. He deserved all of it. Had Alec been trying to find the words to tell him?
Magnus sucked in a deep breath and forced his hands to steady, looking up to meet Alec’s worried eyes. “I, I wish you’d told me. I wouldn’t have interfered.” Why hadn’t Catarina or Madzie told him? Why hadn’t anyone told him? “I’m going to…” the words got stuck in his throat, and the urge to run until he couldn’t feel any longer itched under his skin. “I’m going to go home,” he said, keeping the words firm enough to try and convince himself. Like he didn’t want to run to the ends of the earth, maybe even the galaxy.
Alec swallowed and stopped his forward motion. “Magnus,” he said, trying to firm up his voice. It felt like they were playing their breakup all over again, neither of them talking, but both of them hurting. “Let me explain, Magnus. Don’t, don’t run. Not again.”
“Don’t,” Magnus cleared his throat, before looking Alec in the eyes. “Please don’t make me listen to you tell me about your new husband, Alexander. Please,” his voice cracked and he could barely breathe through the pain. “I can’t…”
“I don’t have a husband besides the stubborn fucking idiot standing in front of me,” Alec growled, clenching his hands into fists. Magnus’ eyes were golden and wet as they stared at him in surprise and Alec reached out to grab Magnus’ arm, holding onto him tight before he looked over Magnus’ head.
“Anna,” Alec barked, glad when she came rushing out of the playroom a moment later, her eyes wide. “Watch the kids. I need to take Magnus home. He isn’t feeling well. Call Madzie if you need anything.”
Anna nodded, her eyes wide. “Do you need help?”
Alec shook his head and didn’t let go of the iron grip he had on Magnus’ arm, watching her go back into the playroom before he turned his attention to Magnus. “Are your wards keyed for me?”
Magnus blinked, his heart tripping painfully as he stared up at Alec. “I, yes, of course they are.”
Alec nodded and summoned a portal, tugging Magnus through it, until they stepped into the middle of his loft. He brought Magnus to the couch, getting him to sit, kneeling in front of him. He frowned and tilted his head. “Will you stay if I go make you tea?”
Magnus managed the smallest of nods and watched Alec relax and head to the kitchen. The sound of tea being made helped him to unwind a bit and he tried to breathe. Alec was going to explain. He had to explain. When a steaming mug of chamomile tea was held out in front of him, Magnus took it gratefully, holding it between his palms as he blew on it.
When Alec sat down beside him, Magnus let go of the last of the tenseness that was coiled inside him to the snapping point and took a sip of the tea. He turned and pressed his forehead against Alec’s shoulder, glad when Alec was immediately leaning closer. He needed to ask several questions, especially about the ring that was there, and he couldn’t look away from it.
“Izzy bought me this ring,” Alec admitted quietly, closing his eyes. “When… early on…” he trailed off and sighed, taking a deep breath, fiddling with the ring. “No, I need to go further back.”
Magnus made a small, quizzical noise in the back of his throat. He wanted to know what the ring meant. But learning that Izzy had been the one to give it to him reassured him that this wasn’t a ring with romantic connotations, no matter what finger he was wearing it on.
“When you went to Edom,” Alec said, his voice quiet. “One of the only things that kept me from going crazy was the ring you’d given me. It was a reminder, a promise to you. I wore it, fiddled with it, all the time.” He held up his hand and twisted his fingers, just a little, twirling the ring he was wearing around his finger.
Magnus watched the gesture with dawning understanding and nodded against Alec’s arm. “I did the same, when I was in Edom,” he said, keeping his voice soft, even though his heart was still aching, just for a different reason now. “It was the only piece I had of you. I would have died before taking it off there.”
Alec smiled faintly and nodded. “I know. But what you might not know…” he blew out a hard breath. “I don’t know that I ever told you this, now that I’m thinking about it.”
“Told me what?” Magnus asked, looking up at Alec, taking a long sip of his tea again, breathing out slow, willing his heart to calm. The itch, the urge to run was gone, at least, but in its place was the reminder that Alexander could shatter him apart with a word, and how easy it would be for him to do it.
“When,” Alec cleared his throat, looking down at the ring on his hand. “When we went to Edom to rescue you, and I freaked out. Remember how I told you Lorenzo helped me?”
Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Yes, I do.”
Alec smiled faintly and leaned in to kiss Magnus on the cheek. “No need to be jealous,” he whispered.
The familiar reminder made something loosen in Magnus’ chest and he leaned against Alexander again, putting his tea on the coffee table before turning and curling into Alec properly, glad when an arm was wrapped tight around him. “I remember,” he offered.
“Well, as much as his help was useful, it was your ring that kept me grounded, that kept my power under control. It was thinking of you and having the ring,” Alec said, taking a deep breath as he stared down at his hand.
Magnus sucked in a hard breath as he realized why Alec was wearing a ring. His eyes fell shut and his heart stuttered hard in his chest. He reached out and took Alec’s hand, giving it a slow squeeze.
Alec looked down at his hand again, his eyes tracing the shape of the ring. “I was having so much trouble with my powers. Catarina thought it was…” he tensed before forging onward. “Thought it was you leaving, but it went deeper. Removing the ring, it was like I’d given up my ability to focus.”
“I’m sorry,” Magnus said, his voice soft. His eyes fell to the rings he could see through Alec’s shirt and he smiled faintly. It was nice to see them, but it would take time, and a lot more conversations before either of them would consider wearing them again.
Alec nodded and squeezed Magnus’ hand gently. “Izzy picked up on it. She uh, she did a lot of shopping around to find something that would, that I’d be okay with wearing.”
Magnus hummed and nodded, dropping his eyes to the ring again. He recognized the design type, and if he remembered correctly, there were meanings behind how it was worn. “Why that one?”
Alec rubbed his thumb along the silver band. “Because of what it symbolized,” he said, glancing towards Magnus. “Worn on the right hand, heart facing out indicates you’re single, heart facing in means you’re in a relationship.” He paused before continuing. “Worn on the left hand, facing out, indicates you’re engaged, and wearing it facing in… means you’re married.”
Magnus sucked in a hard breath, even as his mind catalogued that. Left hand. Heart facing in. Married. “You did mean it, didn’t you?” he whispered, reaching out to trail his fingers over the ring. “What you said earlier, about me being your husband.”
“When I called you a stupid fucking idiot?” Alec asked with a chuckle, tightening his hand around Magnus’.
“Yeah,” Magnus agreed, smiling faintly. “You…” he frowned, because there wasn’t an easy way to ask the question he wanted to.
Alec hummed and looked down at their hands. “Never filed for a divorce?” He shook his head. “As far as the Clave, New York, and any friend or acquaintance I have are concerned, my name is and always will be Alec Lightwood-Bane.”
A wave of shame, hot and uncomfortable, swept through him and Magnus took a few seconds to breathe through it, pressing in close to Alec again. “Why…?” he forced himself to ask. Part of him didn’t want to hear the answer, afraid of whatever reason Alec could have had for not parting ways with any memory of him.
Alec blew out a hard breath and looked down at the floor. “One of the first…” he swallowed and closed his eyes, shifting their hands so he could thread his fingers through Magnus’. “One of the first conversations Catarina had with me about immortality was about drifting apart.”
Magnus tensed and he knew his hand was too tight on Alec’s, too painful, but he couldn’t let go, not now, and maybe not ever again. “Alec-”
“Shh,” Alec managed, clearing his throat. “She said that it wasn’t uncommon to sometimes go years without seeing each other. That, after enough time, it simply happens, and it would happen to us.”
“That, that doesn’t mean-” Magnus tried, but found a finger pressed against his lips. He looked up at Alec, blinking hard.
“It doesn’t mean you love her any less, or she you,” Alec finished, smiling. “I have no doubt that now that you are back, you two are going to pick up right where you left off, because you’ve learned how to do that.”
Magnus nodded against Alec’s finger.
“Right,” Alec said, his voice hoarse. “I didn’t expect us to have to do that, uh, trial by fire style. But we would have needed to learn it sooner or later.”
Magnus winced and turned his face away. He’d put them both through that. Not Alec, just him. “I’m sorry,” he managed, his shoulders shaking with the effort of staying still. “I’m sorry, Alexander.”
Alec nodded and breathed out slowly. “The thing is. No matter how much time went by. No matter how much missing you hurt. There was never a day where I didn’t want you to come back with all of my heart and soul.”
The magnitude of that statement was staggering and Magnus tried to breathe through the revelation, but the soft words felt stuck, repeating in his mind over and over again until he felt dizzy with them. “Alexander…”
“Breathe, Magnus,” Alec ordered, his eyes sharpening.
Magnus sucked in a frantic breath of air, then another, then another, tears filling his eyes. He held onto Alec’s hand tightly enough that he was probably bruising him, but he’d fix it, he’d heal it. He’d do anything to make it up to Alec, because he didn’t, and never would deserve this level of devotion. He shook his head and pressed his head against Alec’s shoulder again, trying to breathe.
“I’m here,” Alec whispered, turning to nuzzle into Magnus’ hair. “I’m here, Magnus, and I’m not leaving.” His hand tightened. “And I’m not going to let you leave again without a fight.”
The laugh that creaked out of him was hoarse and rough, but it was genuine and Magnus felt Alec smile against his hair. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispered.
Alec hummed. “That’s at the base of everything, isn’t it?” When Magnus didn’t respond right away, he continued, rubbing his thumb over the back of Magnus’ hand. “Why you left. What happened today. What you’ve struggled with before. You think you don’t deserve me, to be happy, to have the life in front of you.”
“I’ll be better,” Magnus promised, his voice still rough, even as he struggled to hold his hands still. “I’ll be better, Alexander, I promise.”
Alec took a deep breath and looked to Magnus. “Magnus, look at me.”
Magnus swallowed and lifted his eyes to meet Alec’s and the glowing blue of his warlock mark made him relax, just a little. When Alec cupped his cheek, he couldn’t help remembering all the other times he’d done this and melted, leaning into the touch with a wet inhale. “Alexander.”
“I don’t need you to be some mystical version of better that is unrealistic and you are going to hate yourself for failing to be,” Alec growled, his voice fierce as he stared Magnus down. “I need you to be yourself and to make me two promises.”
Magnus nodded, rapidly, ready to promise whatever Alexander needed.
Alec’s voice was no less fierce. “First of all, promise me that you will not disappear on me, on any of us, again. If you need space, fuck, Magnus, I understand that. Take it. I don’t care if it’s a year, or five years. But don’t…” his fingers trembled against Magnus’ jaw, even as he stared him down. “Don’t make me not know if you’re alive or dead.”
“I promise,” Magnus whispered with a nod, watching as Alec sagged in relief before the fierceness returned to his eyes and his breath caught. “The other?”
“Stop hiding from me when you’re hurting,” Alec said, taking a deep breath. “You don’t…” he swallowed hard and forced himself to continue. “You don’t have to face all your darkness alone, Magnus. I’m here. Permanently. I need, I need you to promise to start letting me in. Please.”
Magnus took a deep breath, leaning into Alec’s hand, letting himself take comfort from it. “I won’t be perfect at it to start.”
Alec shook his head. “I don’t need perfect. I just need you to try.”
“And I can do that,” Magnus said, nodding against Alec’s palm. “I can do that, Alexander,” he managed. “I promise.”
“Good,” Alec growled, shifting to pull Magnus properly against him and into a hug, squeezing him tight. When Magnus melted into him, he tightened his arms around the other warlock, holding him as close as he dared. He didn’t know how long it was before Magnus shifted and reached out for his tea, warming it with a snap before he leaned back in again.
Alec adjusted himself easily enough when Magnus curled against him again, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, Magnus’ legs tossed over his thighs. It was clear Magnus was working up to say something, and he could be patient. He’d learned how to be patient.
“Do you think…” Magnus asked, rubbing his fingers along the mug he was holding. “That we can be us again, Alexander?”
Alec hummed and dropped his free hand to Magnus’ knee, massaging it gently with his thumb, leaning his head back against the couch. “I think forty two years makes you a different person, Magnus. So from that perspective, no, I don’t think we can be what we were before.”
Magnus forced himself to breathe through Alec’s response and to listen to what Alec was saying, not just what his mind was trying to whisper. “Do you think that we can build something new? Together?”
Alec reached out and took Magnus’ hand again, squeezing it slowly before meeting his eyes and giving him a small smile. “I’d like to think we can,” he admitted. “It’s what I want for us, Magnus.”
Relief, sweet like freshwater, flowed through him and he sagged into Alexander again, breathing easy for the first time since he’d seen the ring. “I want that too,” he admitted. “With you and the kids.”
Alec tensed, his eyes widening as he looked down at Magnus. “You...them too?” he asked, his voice softening.
Magnus smiled and held onto Alec, tangling his fingers in Alec’s shirt. “I’d never try to take your precious family away from you, Alexander. I, I want to be a part of their lives going forward. If that’s alright with you, of course.”
Alec’s mouth went dry and he tightened his arms around Magnus, nodding helplessly. “Yes, yes, Magnus, of course. I want that and they do too.”
“Then,” Magnus cleared his throat, pulling back to look up at Alec before giving him a watery smile. “We had better get back and make sure the kids haven’t burned down the house yet.”
Alec tugged Magnus back into his arms and nuzzled into his neck, holding him close. “Not yet?” he whispered.
Magnus closed his eyes and leaned into Alec again, relaxing and letting the tension drain from him. Shifting his hand over Alec’s, he gave it a slow squeeze and nodded. “Not yet,” he agreed.