Archive of Our Own ^beta

The front door swings open and Yoongi glances up, surprised. There are usually only a couple regulars at the bar on a Wednesday night like this. Locals on the coast that fish for living and like to recover from a long salty day at the bar. He’s even more surprised when a young man walks in, wind-swept but gorgeous. Broad shoulders, slim body but the thighs pressed up against tight jeans tell a different story. Yoongi shakes his head. Not a story worth wondering about, he tells himself.

The young man sits at the bar, pushing back his dark curly hair, only for it to fall around his cheekbones, back where it was originally. Does he do that just for fun? Yoongi dismisses the thought.

“What can I get you?”

The young man bites his lip. His eyes are wide and fixed on Yoongi’s face. Yoongi shifts uncomfortably. They’re really beautiful and he’s not used to beautiful people with beautiful eyes staring at him.

“Um…what’s good?” His voice sounds soft, breathless.

“Depends on what you like,” Yoongi responds flatly.

“Well…I’m not sure what I like exactly.”

“Can I see some ID?” The man looks startled but draws out his wallet and passes over his ID. He’s twenty-three. He also observes that his name is Jungkook. Yoongi feels a little mean, because Jungkook doesn’t really look underage. But he’s acting really strange, so he’s only doing it to cover all his bases. Jungkook takes back his ID, then just sits there staring owlishly at Yoongi.

“So…you want me to recommend you something?”

Jungkook nods eagerly. His dark hair flops around.

“Uh, alright well, do you prefer sweet, bitter, sour? Salty?”

“Sweet.”

“Have you tried a mojito? Daiquiri? Cosmo?”

He looks dazed. “I have no clue what those are, but they sound good.” Yoongi squints at him. Where does this guy even come from?

“O…kay. I’ll make you a mojito. You like mint?”

Jungkook nods. Yoongi begins to mix the drink, pulling rum off the shelf behind him.

“So, you’re clearly not a drinker. What’re you doing here kid?”

Jungkook frowns. “I’m not a kid.”

Yoongi snorts. “Okay. Sure.” Lime juice, teaspoons of sugar in the mixer.

“I’m not! I just broke up with my girlfriend. That’s why I’m here. I’m not a kid,” he repeats stubbornly. He looks indignant, pouty.

Yoongi raises his eyebrows as he muddles the mint into the lime juice and sugar. It produces a sweet plume of minty aroma. “I’m sorry to hear that. Or maybe not? You don’t look that torn up about it.”

“I think that maybe I should be more upset.” Jungkook pauses, frowning again. “But I feel mostly relieved.”

Yoongi doesn’t blame him. “Well then, congratulations.” He smirks and sets the mojito down in front of him. “Enjoy your mojito and being single.”

Jungkook’s ears flush pink and he pulls the drink forward, taking a tiny sip. His round eyes turn even more saucer-like. “Wow, this is way better than any drink I’ve had before.”

Yoongi snorts again. “I’m not sure that’s saying much. What other drinks have you even tried?”

“Plain soju? Beer?”

“Seriously?” Yoongi scrutinizes him, eyebrows shooting up. Jungkook shrugs. This Jungkook kid is so strange. Someone down the counter flags him and he moves away to tend to another customer. As he works, he sends glances down the bar to Jungkook, who drinks with tiny little sips.

Twenty minutes later, he moves back down to the other side of the bar, bored and not really interested in listening to the fisherman, Yoongi’s most familiar regular named Joe, chat about how terrible his wife’s cooking is.

“So. You from around here?” Yoongi makes his excuse to stick around by picking up glasses and beginning to clean them.

Jungkook nods. “Yep, I see this bar all the time, just never had the courage to come inside. I’m glad I finally did though.”

“Well, you’re not exactly missing out on much.” He frowns. “Although, this town is pretty tiny, how come I haven’t seen you around?”

“Ah, I left after high school. Went to college in The Big City. But I’m back now.” Yoongi raises his eyebrows again. Then it occurs to him. Jungkook…high school...The Big City…something oddly familiar stirs up.

“Oh, wait. Wait. Aren’t you that kid that went to that top university on scholarship from the local high school?”

Jungkook tugs his bangs, looking nervous. “Um.”

“Ah, my bad. I didn’t mean to…spring that on you. You don’t have to say anything to that.”

“No, it’s okay. Yeah, I’m that kid that went to that university.” He smiles awkwardly and his cheeks dimple in, making his jaw look sculpted and Yoongi’s mouth a little dry.

“Sorry. You know how rumors are around here.” Yoongi scratches his neck. “That’s amazing, though. You’re like the local genius kid around here. Legendary.”

Jungkook blushes and looks down at his half-finished drink. He takes another sip like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. “Thanks…” His mumble trails off as he looks around the bar.

It’s pretty small, but it’s Yoongi’s comfortable place. Dark paneled wood covers the majority of the bar surfaces, walls, and shelving. Only a few booths in the area on the other side of the bar, a couple circular stand up tables with high chairs, TV screens for the games each weekend. Behind him is a meticulous array of hard liquors from low-brow to top-shelf. It might not be a big bar, but the owner had sniffed something about having class and Yoongi didn’t argue. He likes the dark moodiness of the bar, and the nice divide that the bar top provides. With people on that side. And him on this side. He likes that he doesn’t have to enforce a barrier between him and other people, it’s just there. He also likes getting creative with the drinks and chatting about nothing to the patrons. Keeps things uncomplicated.

“How long have you been working here?”

“Uh,” Yoongi thinks. “About five years? Long time, wow.” He scratches his neck again. “Dang, time really flies.”

Jungkook bobs his head. “How old are you? You don’t look that much older than me. Not old enough to call me kid,” he sweeps his eyes up and down Yoongi’s body. Yoongi’s dry mouth gets even drier. It’s uncomfortable again because he’s not used to such a pretty person looking at him so hard. Attention like that makes his skin prickle.

“I’m twenty-eight. Half a decade older than you. Old enough to call you kid.” Yoongi busies his hands with prepping more lime slices.

“I’m turning twenty-four soon, so less than half a decade if we’re being exact,” Jungkook mutters.

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “You’re twenty-three and you’ve never had a mixed drink in your life. You’re practically a child. An infant in the drinking world. Hell, one might even argue you’re a fetus.”

Jungkook pouts and it just proves Yoongi’s point while also making him go a little speechless. It’s really adorable, jarringly cute.

“So was she your first?”

Jungkook looks shaken. “My first what!”

“Your first breakup. You good?”

Jungkook relaxes. “Oh, um. No, not exactly. I saw someone else before her. But it wasn’t serious.” He pauses. “She was kind of, something my mom pushed me into.”

Yoongi shakes his head. “Yeah, those kinds of things never work out. Relationships are difficult enough when two people want to be in one. Can’t imagine it even working for a second between two people who don’t want to be together.”

Jungkook frowns. “I never said I didn’t want to be with her.”

“What? But you just…said you were relieved? And that your mom pushed you guys together?”

“Well, I did want to be with her. Even if we were pushed together.” Something doesn’t add up but Yoongi lets it go. He gives up on the conversation, not interested in prying any further if Jungkook wasn’t willing to share. He doesn’t remember much about Jungkook from the gossip that went around school after he’d already graduated. Although, from what he can remember, Jungkook is also a lot hotter than he remembers hearing. But for the life of him, he can’t really recall what he had looked like back then.

“What about you?” Jungkook cocks his head. His expression is curious and expectant, a flipped switch like he wasn’t just defending his ex-girlfriend a second ago.

“What about me.”

“Have you had your first breakup?”

Yoongi exhales a laugh. “I’m twenty-eight. Of course I have.”

“Who was it with?”

Yoongi narrows his eyes. “Aren’t you being a bit nosy…?”

Jungkook pales. “Oh, sorry. I. Didn’t mean it like that. I just meant, like. How come it didn’t work out? Was it her? Or you?” He takes another awkward sip of the mojito. Yoongi sighs, surveying Jungkook wearily. This kid...who looks flighty and uncertain like he is uncomfortable in his own skin. Yoongi’s seen a lot of first-timers come into his bar, but not many of his kind.

“Well it was with a guy, whose name doesn’t concern you. And it didn’t work out because he wanted to leave town and I didn’t.” He shrugs. It’s simple. Relationships are a push and pull. You take some, you give some. He wasn’t interested in giving up his hometown for some bullshit fantasy about the undiscovered world “out there.” He’s perfectly happy here.

Jungkook’s eyes widen, his mouth falling open. “A guy?” He squeaks.

“Is that an issue?”

Jungkook shakes his head so fast Yoongi wonders for a brief moment if it might roll off. “No! I’m just...surprised.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Surprised? Did you think I was straight just from watching me bartend or something?”

“No!” Jungkook exclaims, looking flustered. “It’s—it’s nothing. Nevermind. I’m happy for you. It’s a good thing. Wow, sorry this is all coming out so bad.”

Yoongi doesn’t say anything as Jungkook takes a big chug of his mojito. He’s a little confused. He can’t help but feel like the conversation with Jungkook is getting stranger and stranger the more they talk.

“Alright.” He shrugs. “You do you, kid.”

“I’m not a kid,” Jungkook mumbles. His cheeks are pink and he’s not sure if it’s from embarrassment or the alcohol. Jungkook knocks back the rest of his drink. He fishes out a couple bills from his wallet and puts them on the bar.

He stands up, runs a hand through his floppy, gorgeous hair, and then shoots Yoongi an awkward smile. “Bye, Yoongi. I’ll see you around.”

Yoongi waves him out. Picks up the bills and puts them in the register. Then he realizes he never told Jungkook his name.

≈

The next time he sees Jungkook at the bar, it’s Saturday and the bar is in full swing. It’s overcrowded and loud, and Jungkook looks wide-eyed and awkward, tragically out of place. The music drowns out most of the din, aside from the men roaring at the game on the TV. The fishermen love their sports, and it makes Yoongi his tips so he can’t complain. Yoongi is too busy running back and forth with his fellow bartender, pouring beers, mixing drinks, and keeping the people satisfied. He pauses for a double-take when Jungkook finally squeezes himself up next to the edge of the bar in the corner.

“Oh! It’s you.” Jungkook smiles and that’s also tragic, but Yoongi has more pressing issues than Jungkook’s beautiful smile. “What can I get you?”

“Yeah, I’ll have a mojito...again. If that’s cool.”

“Sure, give me a sec. Things are real crazy tonight. I’ll get you your drink as soon as possible.”

Jungkook nods and Yoongi turns away to prepare more draft beers for the local crowd that’s howling about the score. He makes Jungkook his drink, then trots away to wrestle an empty beer glass out of a too drunk fisherman’s hand. Everyone here semi-knows each other because it’s a small town. But from the brief glimpses he spares towards Jungkook’s direction all night, Jungkook doesn’t engage with anyone, and nobody seems to engage with him. Granted, Yoongi had definitely forgotten who Jungkook was considering he left so suddenly and never came back. Lost legend. Until now. He has to admit, his curiosity is piqued.

When the time sneaks past midnight and things start to die down, as things usually do in small towns, Yoongi has time to stop in front of Jungkook for a chat. He’s still only halfway through his mojito.

“What’re you doing here on a Saturday night? Don’t you have friends?” The words come out of Yoongi lightly, but he immediately realizes that they sound mean, probably judgemental. He hadn’t meant it like that. “Ah, sorry I didn’t mean to make it sound like...Just, ignore that.”

Jungkook shrugs, brushing it off. “I don’t really have friends here,” he says. “But it’s okay. All of my close ones are back in The Big City.”

“Ah,” Yoongi falters. Not really sure what to say. “That sucks, I guess. I’d be pretty bummed if I wasn’t where my friends are...” He tries to sympathize with Jungkook.

Jungkook shrugs again. “It’s okay, I keep in touch with them.” Yoongi nods. That’s really all you need. He’s the same way, as long as they’re both making sure the other is alive every now and then. Maybe hang out sporadically in between. It’s a loose concept. Then, he remembers what he meant to ask him.

“Wait, how did you know my name? Last time when you left?”

Jungkook flushes. “You were wearing your name tag?”

“I don’t wear a name tag.”

“Oh.” Jungkook deflates. “Um. It’s a small town? I’ve heard around...about you.”

Yoongi raises his eyebrows. “You’ve heard about me?”

“Ah...yeah. Back in high school, you were kind of legendary too. For different reasons of course.”

Of course. Yoongi was a little rebellious back then. Got a huge tattoo on his shoulder and upper arm, was suspended from senior year for more days than he was present, but still passed all of his classes because he’s not stupid. Just...not motivated.

“Huh. I didn’t realize people talked about me after I graduated.”

“I didn’t realize you had heard about me either. I only told my parents about leaving for The Big City.”

“Well, it’s a small town. Rumor gets around quick. Especially for something really impressive like that. Your parents were probably really proud. The percentage of people who don’t even graduate is arguably higher than the people who do and then go to the local college.”

“Right,” Jungkook winces. “And the majority just graduates and goes straight to work.”

“Hey,” Yoongi warns, “just because we hate education doesn’t mean we aren’t on the path to worldwide fame and success.”

Jungkook shakes his head and his hair flops around. “Well. Success is bullshit.” He says it with certainty, a little bit bitter. Yoongi pauses, it had been a joke. He isn’t sure what to make of the way Jungkook’s face closes up in response.

“O...kay. Sure.”

The conversation ends there because Yoongi doesn’t know what to say and the mood has turned a little sour. Jungkook picks up his mojito and takes another sip. He puts it down.

Yoongi’s wiping down the counter when Jungkook speaks up again. “I feel like I should explain myself. About the success comment. Sorry. It came out weird.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I don’t?”

“No, I mean, you’re kind of right. Success is bullshit. It’s damn subjective. A terrible way to measure people, if you ask me.”

Jungkook nods. “Exactly.”

Yoongi nods back. He pauses, tilting his head. “Is that why you’re back?”

Jungkook looks like a deer caught in headlights. “Is what why I’m back.”

“Oh, no. Just thinking. Not sure why’d you wanna come back here if you’ve been to The Big City.” Yoongi shrugs. “I can imagine that being there is way more exciting than being here.”

Jungkook smiles sadly. “Yeah, it is way more exciting. But, I needed to come back. Besides, this is home.”

“You needed to?”

“Yeah…” Yoongi waits for more of an explanation but Jungkook seems to be done talking, going back to drinking his mojito. He doesn’t pry. He goes back down the bar to pick up money that departed customers have left behind and collect all of the used glasses. He dumps them into the rack. Wipes down the counter on this side of the bar. Scoots back up to where Jungkook is. Jungkook’s mojito is almost empty.

“Can I get you another drink?”

Jungkook shakes his head. “Nah, I’m good for tonight. Thanks.”

“Alright. You want me to take that, or you still working on it?”

Jungkook picks up the drink and finishes the last sip. “I’ll see you around, Yoongi.” He leaves money on the counter as he stands up.

“Yeah...See ya, Jungkook.” Yoongi says lamely, watching Jungkook sweep out of the bar without a glance back.

≈

Yoongi’s sitting behind the bar on Tuesday evening. It’s hot and sticky this evening, the sun hasn’t set yet so light spills in through the bar window, magnifying the stilted heat. The salty air stings his nose and leaves his tongue feeling grimy. There is no one here, as usual.

Yoongi’s not sure why his manager insists on being open all evenings except Mondays. It’s a bar for christ’s sake, no one is trying to get drunk any earlier in the week than Wednesday. Wednesdays are reserved for fishermen who avoid going home at night and would rather stink like the rotten bits in the sea for a couple hours longer while complaining about a bunch of nothings. And Jungkook...Yoongi wonders if he’ll see him again. Things felt kind of weird after Saturday night.

By some magical psychic power, Jungkook choses the single moment that Yoongi is thinking about him, in that whole evening of thinking, to stroll in.

Yoongi sits up, stepping off his stool. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Jungkook says breezily and then sits down at the bar, on the stool he had sat at last Wednesday.

“Uh, what can I get you?”

“The usual.”

Yoongi snickers. “You’ve been here twice and only tried one cocktail in your life. You don’t wanna switch it up?”

“Oh.” Jungkook looks wide-eyed, like the thought had never occurred to him before. “I suppose I could try something else…”

Yoongi waits.

“What else tastes like a mojito? I liked the taste of a mojito.”

Yoongi sighs. “Are you in the mood for anything? Depending on what you’re feeling I could try to make you something similar but different.”

Jungkook thinks about it for a bit. “Hm...I’ve been feeling the heat today. It was really hot outside, even though I wasn’t outside for very long today.”

Yoongi nods, “Okay, I can work with that.” He turns to move his stool under the bar and out of the way. Then he gets started on a drink, grabbing the blender. “Oh, do you like strawberries?”

Jungkook bobs his head. “Love them.”

He starts the blender, just as Jungkook says something. He looks awkward, words drowned by the sound of ice and frozen strawberries being pulverized with sugar. Yoongi stops the blender.

“Sorry, what’d you say?” He pours in the lemon juice, lime juice, rum, and soda.

“I was just asking what you’re making.”

“Oh! You’ll see.” He flips on the blender again, and Jungkook’s next words are again drowned by the sound of the blender. “Oops, sorry.” He says after he switches it off. “I didn’t realize you were still talking, my bad.”

“No!” Jungkook looks sheepish. “It’s my bad.”

Yoongi pulls out a chilled margarita glass from under the bar. He pours the slushy pink drink into the glass, filling it to the brim. “Here,” he pushes it forward. “Oh wait.” He adds a tiny little umbrella. “It’s a frozen strawberry daiquiri.”

Jungkook smiles at the drink, cooing at the umbrella. “Wow, this is so cute. I bet it tastes great.”

“Try it,” Yoongi suggests. “Then you can decide.”

Jungkook takes a sip, slurping up the icy mush. “Wow! This tastes great! Like summer.”

Yoongi nods. “They’re pretty popular during the tourist season.” It’s no longer the tourist season, because the rainy season is starting soon. The weather is still ridiculously hot, but cloudy and dark every now and then in the evenings too.

“I love it. Maybe I should make this my usual?”

Yoongi chuckles. “I’m...trying not to judge you. But you really sound like a kid.”

Jungkook pouts. “Just because I don’t have experience drinking cocktails, doesn’t mean I’m a kid!”

“You’re right, sorry about that. It’s just kind of cute.” Yoongi freezes, he hadn’t meant to let that slip.

Jungkook’s looking at him with round eyes. “You think I’m cute?”

Yoongi waves it off. “Don’t take that the wrong way.”

Jungkook giggles into his glass, taking another sip of his strawberry drink. “I’ll take it as a compliment. I’m flattered, Yoongi.”

Yoongi flushes. “Well..okay.”

Jungkook hums at the drink, sipping happily.

“What’re you doing here anyway, it’s a Tuesday. Don’t you have work or something tomorrow?”

Jungkook shrugs. “I. Um...work from home. Don’t have strict work hours. It’s kind of a self-made business.” Yoongi raises his eyebrows in interest.

“What kind of business?”

“Ah...I’m a photographer...” Jungkook seems a little reluctant to tell him, but says it anyway.

Yoongi leans against the bar, chin cradled in his hand. “So do all photographers come to bars on random days of the week to drink?” He pauses. “Especially inexperienced-in-drinking photographers?”

“I guess…” Jungkook looks uncomfortable. That might have been a little on the nose. Yoongi doesn’t press him, choosing another direction.

“Hm. I don’t know shit about photography. How come photography? Didn’t you go to a science university?”

Jungkook runs a hand through his hair and pulls on his bangs. A habit Yoongi notices that he does when he gets nervous. “I did. It...didn’t really...pan out for me.”

Yoongi shrugs, picking at the napkin pile sitting on the counter. “I did music for a while. That also didn’t pan out for me. Shit happens.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook hangs his head. “Shit happens.”

Yoongi looks at Jungkook. He picks up a strange vibe from him. Like he’s wandering around, a little bit lifeless, a little bit lost. He changes the direction of the conversation again.

“That girl you broke up with, is she from this town?”

Jungkook winces. “Yeah, she is.”

Yoongi raises his eyebrows. “Any chance I know her?”

“Ah…” Jungkook sounds hesitant again.

“Oh. You don’t have to say. I was just kind of curious. I know it's personal.”

“No, it’s okay. I was dating Jieun Lee for a while.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows damn near shoot off his forehead.

“Jieun Lee!” He repeats, shocked. Because he knows Jieun Lee, only the prettiest girl in his grade from kindergarten through to senior year of high school. She was popular and beautiful and smart, she went places, and was essentially the golden child of the town for as long as Yoongi could remember. He even remembers how eager his mother had been to get him to date her, to which he adamantly resisted.

Jungkook nods, embarrassed.

“Damn, that’s crazy. We haven’t heard from her in a while too. So you guys met up in The Big City, huh? Your mom put you two together?”

“Yeah, I think she had heard from Jieun’s mother that Jieun was looking to settle down. So she tried really hard to set us up. But um, yeah. It wasn’t working out between us. I wasn’t ready to settle down...among other things.”

Yoongi hums, thinking. “That’s really wild though. She was the talk of my entire high school career. Anyone would kill to date her.”

Jungkook winces again. “Yeah. I really did want to be with her, y’know.”

“But it wasn’t working out,” Yoongi repeats. “That’s understandable.”

“Mm.” Jungkook fidgets in his chair. Takes a large sip of his strawberry daiquiri. He puts it down and his face looks set. Determined. “It wasn’t working out because I’m...gay.”

Yoongi’s elbow slips on the counter and he flails to catch himself. “Oh,” he says, dazed. “That’s cool. I’m gay too. Funny coincidence, that is.” He offers a smile.

Jungkook smiles back, looking dizzy with relief. “I know you’re gay. That’s...kinda why I felt okay telling you. You seem chill. Like you would understand.”

“Oh trust me, I understand.” Yoongi glances out the window of the bar at the rolling ocean. “Living here...and being gay is kind of. Well, I imagine it’s different from being gay in The Big City.”

“You’re definitely right about that.” Jungkook chuckles sadly. “God, high school was painful.”

“Sure was,” Yoongi agrees. “Too bad you weren’t born a couple years earlier. We coulda been buddies back in high school.”

Jungkook blinks. “Were you out then?”

“Uh, not really?” Yoongi frowns. “I think only Namjoon knew, and not because I directly told him. He’s pretty intuitive, that one. But I dunno, maybe we woulda gotten along if we were in high school at the same time.”

“You think?” Jungkook scrunches up his nose in thought. It’s cute and Yoongi can’t stop looking. Something twinges in his chest. “I was a goody-two-shoes. I don't think some random nerd like me would be cool enough to be in the presence of Yoongi Min, the neighborhood bad boy.” He looks startled at his own words. Snatches his daiquiri and starts sipping anxiously.

Yoongi smirks. “You thought I was cool? The neighborhood bad boy? Is that what people called me?” He pauses, scratching his neck. “Wow, I didn’t realize...Huh.”

Jungkook throws up his hands. “Oh, c’mon. How could you not have noticed? You got freaking tattooed!”

“You know about my tattoo?”

“Everybody knows about your tattoo!”

Yoongi leans back against the bar, chin back in hand. “Damn, I guess rumors really did spread. How did I not hear about any of this?”

Jungkook sighs. “Where did you get your gossip from?”

Yoongi frowns. “My mom and dad. And sometimes Namjoon.”

“That’s probably why. I dunno them, but they probably wouldn’t be telling you to your face that you were the town’s bad boy. And that everyone knew about your tattoo.”

“Bad boy does sound pretty cool. Way cooler than I actually was.” He shakes his head. “I was a dumb kid. All I did was waste time on music and video games. I had no drive. High school was a stupid part of my life that I couldn’t wait to get through.”

“Why were you so eager for it to be done? I mean, aside from hating education.”

Yoongi knows but doesn’t really know. There are things he’s pushed aside at a young age. Things he’s accepted about the way the world works. How life just goes. “I dunno. I guess...I just wanted to hurry up and start earning money. Move out of my parent’s place. Be independent. That was kind of my end goal.”

Jungkook nods. “That was mine too.”

“Except you went to a prestigious university?” Yoongi doesn’t know what he’s getting at with that question, it just rolls out his tongue compulsively. Jungkook recoils a bit like he’s stung. Grabs his cocktail for another large sip.

“Yeah, I was good at science. Y’know. But I...just...got three quarters of the way through my degree and realized I just. Really didn’t like it. I finished my degree. It’s useless though. Like hell I’m ever getting a job in biomedical engineering.”

Yoongi laughs. “That does sound pretty wack.” He thinks for a moment. “So...then you what? Took up photography?”

Jungkook shrugs. “That’s the thing. Like you, my only drive was to be independent. But I still needed to make money. So I took some photography courses and tried to get my foot in there. But uh, it’s a rough life for artists.”

Yoongi nods. “Totally. ‘S why I help run a bar instead of doing music full time.”

Silence falls for a couple of minutes. Yoongi’s wiping down the counter when Jungkook speaks up again. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“You already kinda did that when you asked me about my ex the first time,” Yoongi says. Then realizes that Jungkook probably isn’t used to the way he talks back to people, because most regulars, see: fishermen, at his bar understand his type of deadpan cynicism. Jungkook looks embarrassed, biting his lip and frowning. “Sorry, sarcasm. What’s up?”

Jungkook looks put out but perks up again when Yoongi prompts him. “I was just curious about your tattoo, I was thinking of getting one myself. But...I dunno what to get. Or where to get it.”

Yoongi hums. “You wanna get a tattoo...but you have no idea what or where.”

Jungkook fidgets in his seat, taking a sip of his drink.

“Are you sure you wanna get a tattoo?” Yoongi asks bluntly. “Cuz it kinda sounds like you don’t really wanna get a tattoo.”

“That’s—that’s why I’m asking you. I wanna get a tattoo! How do you choose though? There are so many options!”

Yoongi’s eyebrows pinch together. He doesn’t know whether to be concerned for Jungkook or not. Emblazoned on his bicep and shoulder is a huge Japanese-style dragon, curling up around his upper arm and cresting on his shoulder, surrounded by the detailed curves of great, foamy waves. “Well...I got my tattoo because I really like the style. It meant something to me, and I was kinda dumb in high school and did things impulsively.”

Jungkook frowns. “I dunno if there is something in my life that means that much to me to get it tattooed on my body though. And I’m past the age where I can do things impulsively.”

Yoongi huffs out a chuckle. “So here is what I’m hearing: it sounds like you don’t want a tattoo.”

“But I do,” he pouts. “I need it.”

“What? Why?”

“Because! I want change. I’m tired of being indecisive.”

Yoongi nods. That’s understandable. “I don’t think I’d start with a tattoo if I was having trouble with making decisions. That’s a pretty permanent one.”

“I’m kind of like that, though. All or nothing. Dive right into the deep end.” Jungkook says seriously.

“Isn’t that kind of contradictory? All or nothing is like the opposite of indecisive, isn’t it?”

“Not necessarily! I can go all or nothing on an intense workout. But I have a hard time choosing what gift to give to my mom for her birthday.”

“Right.” Yoongi doesn’t argue, because he got lost somewhere between the two. He has no clue what Jungkook is talking about. Jungkook finishes the last bit of the daiquiri. His lips are tinted strawberry pink. Yoongi looks away and licks his lips. Misses the way Jungkook’s eyes catch the movement, fixated.

“Second drink?”

He shakes his head and pulls out a couple of bills. “Thanks Yoongi. For listening, I mean. You’re the first person I’ve told in this town, about being...y’know. Gay.”

Yoongi blinks. “Oh. I’m...I’m honored. You didn’t have to. Just because I’m gay. You didn’t have to.”

Jungkook smiles. “Nah, it felt right. Plus, talking to you is so easy. It just felt right.” He stands up, putting the bills on the table. “I’ll see you around, Yoongi.”

Yoongi waves goodbye to Jungkook. He isn’t sure what changed. But he wonders if he’ll see him again.

≈

Jungkook doesn’t come to the bar for the rest of that week. Yoongi feels tired from the weekend’s shenanigans. Staying up late on weekends is definitely starting to take a toll on his body, despite him not even reaching thirty yet. He wants to shake a fist at the sky for giving himself such a rickety, tired body. But he supposes that’s part of aging.

When Tuesday rolls around again, Yoongi thinks in passing that he hasn’t seen Jungkook once since last week. They had talked for a decent amount of time, about relatively personal topics. He wonders if he scared Jungkook off. He is kind of blunt and nosey sometimes. Especially since Jungkook still has a lot of mystery wrapped around him. Like...the reason for his return to the small town.

Also, the fact that he hasn’t seen Jungkook around when shopping or running errands. Granted, lots of things are online now so it’s not like you really need to emerge from your home to survive. He sighs to himself. He hasn’t...thought about another boy in a long time. Not even just in a romantic way. Maybe he should start thinking about trying to make some new friends. His age? Maybe.

But other twenty-eight-year-olds were complicated. They had their shit together. They had careers and passions and families. All things that Yoongi didn’t care for, couldn’t find within him, nor wanted. He thinks about Jungkook again. He sighs again.

He really hasn’t sighed about another boy in a long time. He wonders what that could mean.

The thing about life is that it just goes, and Yoongi has always just gone along with it. Unresistant to the current. Coasting. When Jungkook walks into the bar the next day, Wednesday, Yoongi exhales and smiles.

“Hey,” Yoongi says as Jungkook takes a seat. “Welcome back.”

Jungkook smiles back. “Thanks. I feel welcome. Wow, you didn’t say that last time. I’ve also never seen you to say that to any of your other regulars. I feel special.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “What can I get you?”

Jungkook hums. “Something delicious like last time? The mojito and daiquiri were both really good.”

“You really like your rum drinks, huh?”

“Rum?”

“Yeah, both of those drinks are made with only rum,” Yoongi explains. “Are you curious about trying a different type of liquor?”

Jungkook laughs nervously. “I’m not sure. I dunno if it’s really the liquor part that I care about. I like the lime and strawberry and mint flavors.”

Yoongi gives Jungkook a confused look. “Then why don’t you order something non-alcoholic?”

Jungkook shakes his head. “No, I need the alcohol to...to...” He looks caught in a sentence he doesn’t want to finish. He shrugs. “Y’know.”

“Get drunk?” Yoongi supplies.

Jungkook nods. “Yes.”

“But you never go for a second drink. And you’re...fit enough that one drink isn’t really gonna make a difference. You don’t seem nor act like a lightweight.”

Jungkook picks at the locks of hair by his flushed ear, curling his finger through them and then tugging. “Um...That’s true.”

Yoongi shakes his head, chuckling. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot there. Lemme see what I can mix up.”

Jungkook waits patiently as Yoongi pulls white rum off the shelf again. Along with orange curaçao, lime juice, and syrup. He measures out each ingredient efficiently. He glances up mid pour to see Jungkook staring straight at him.

“What are you looking at?” Yoongi shoves the mixer closed and begins shaking.

“Uh...um…” Jungkook’s face is beginning to look very flushed. “This is the first time I’ve seen you in a short-sleeved shirt that doesn’t...cover up your tattoo. It’s. It’s…very nice.” Jungkook squeaks out.

Yoongi pours the mixed contents into a tall glass with ice. Tops off the top with dark rum. He drops a lime wedge inside. “Thanks.” He finally says, to a frazzled Jungkook. “Here is your drink, it’s a Mai Tai. We’re departing from just light rum, with the addition of flavored liqueur and dark rum.” He rocks back on his heels. “Let me know what you think.”

Jungkook, still pink in the face, accepts the drink. Takes a sip. “Wow! That’s...way stronger than the other drinks. But good!” He adds on quickly.

Yoongi snorts. “You don’t have to like it. I’m not expecting you to like every drink I put in front of you, you know.”

Jungkook grimaces. “Okay. Sorry, this one is a lot. I don’t think I’ll drink any more of it.”

“You’re good. Don’t apologize. I’ll drink it.”

Jungkook blinks at him. “You’re. Gonna. You’re gonna drink it?” He stammers. “But I just...put my mouth on there? Plus, you’re on the clock?”

Yoongi laughs. “One drink isn’t gonna do anything for me. It’d be a waste and I don’t wanna make you pay for a drink you’re not gonna drink.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Does it bother you that I’m gonna be catching your cooties?”

Jungkook’s face blazes up again. “Of course not! I’m not a...kid,” he finishes lamely.

Yoongi takes a sip of the Mai Tai. Whew. It is a bit strong, perfect for him, but probably too much for Jungkook’s sweet palate. Whoops. The alcohol burns his tongue nicely.

“I’m realizing I probably put more dark rum that I should have for someone who likes such sweet drinks,” Yoongi admits. “That’s my bad.”

“No! Don’t apologize! It’s good!”

“You just said you don’t like it.”

“Well, it’s good! To someone! Out there! Maybe not me, but!” Jungkook looks mixed between panic and reassurance.

Yoongi laughs. He sets down the Mai Tai, already having drunk a good third of it.

“Can I get you something else then? Maybe another frozen daiquiri or mojito?”

Jungkook thinks for a moment. “I’ll take another frozen daiquiri.” Nods, agreeing with his own decision.

“Sounds good. Same strawberry flavor?” Jungkook nods and Yoongi starts blending him his drink.

When he’s done, he slides it across the bar to Jungkook, again with the addition of a little umbrella. Jungkook takes an eager sip. “Wow! I love it. I think this might be my drink?”

Yoongi smiles. “You think?”

Jungkook frowns, contemplating. “Well, how many times am I gonna have to drink it and like it to make it my ‘usual’?”

Yoongi chuckles, wiping down the counter. “Relax kid, I’m just messing with you. Frozen strawberry daiquiris can be your drink. I won’t judge you.”

Jungkook narrows his eyes. “Hm. Feels a lot like I’m being judged right now, though?”

“Is that a question?”

“Maybe?”

“Do you always answer your questions with questions?”

Jungkook deflates. “Sometimes.”

Yoongi wants to call him cute again but stops himself. “So how has your week been? I haven’t seen you since...last Tuesday?”

“Oh, yeah, I got caught up in some things this weekend. It’s all very busy and annoying. Boring stuff.”

Yoongi raises an eyebrow. “You just called it boring without even saying what it is, now my interest is piqued.”

Jungkook looks caught. “Um.”

“I’m joking, kid. Relax.”

Jungkook pouts. “I can’t relax! Because…” And he leaves the sentence unspoken, still pouting at Yoongi.

Yoongi is scandalized, this kid is really quite strange. “You okay?”

Jungkook takes big gulps of his daiquiri. “I’m great!” He smiles nervously. “Anyway, how was your week, Yoongi?”

“Eh, nothing very interesting happened. This dude tried to climb up on the counter on Friday, to cheer for his team. Dumbass. I had to coax him down with the promise of free nuts, and then kick him and his friends out because they were being rude.” He shakes his head.

Jungkook looks worried. “Is that safe? Also, aren’t the nuts complimentary? People are scary when they’re drunk. Yikes.”

“Yeah, they are complementary, ha. It’s fine, that’s what you get when you’re a bartender, I guess. Being people’s voice of reason when they’re wasted.”

Jungkook snickers. “Are you my voice of reason?”

“Are you wasted?”

“No, but I think I could be if I tried hard enough.”

Yoongi shakes his head. “I’m not gonna challenge you to that, I’m a bartender, it will only be more work for me if you get wasted. No, thank you. Also, I have a feeling it wouldn’t exactly be cheap for you.”

Jungkook shrugs. “I mean, I have a little money.”

Yoongi shakes his head. “Okay, now I’m your voice of reason and I’m telling you, don’t waste it on getting drunk. Especially when it seems like you hardly even like alcohol anyway.” He squints at Jungkook. “I dunno why you even come here anyway.”

Jungkook protests, “Well I came at first because my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend dumped me.”

“Sure, sure. But there’s plenty of other things you could have done. Taken a walk on the beach? Eaten some ice cream? You don’t seem like the ‘get-wasted-and-cry-a-river-of-tears-on-the-bar’ type. And you said you were relieved anyway.”

“Um.”

“I don’t mean this in a bad way, but you’re kind of a weird kid. Like, who hasn’t tried a mixed drink until their twenty-three?”

“Uh, me?”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “Exactly. Probably only you. Sorry, this turned into some kind of intense roast session. I’m trying to work on being less judgemental about people. You can tell I’m...still working on it.” He shakes his head again, going back to itch his neck compulsively.

Jungkook giggles. “It’s okay. I can take a roast sometimes. And you’re really observant, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“You weren’t expecting it?”

“Yeah, I dunno...this is gonna sound even weirder after you’ve said all that. But back in high school, I really did think you were cool. Not just cuz of the rumors and stuff. I’d see you around with your friend, smoking in parking lots and stuff. I just. Thought you were one of those real manly and super cool popular kids. Like didn’t give a shit about anyone or anything.” Jungkook looks shy when he admits this, fidgeting in his seat and pulling at his bangs. He snatches up his daiquiri for another drink.

“You saw me smoking in the parking lot? With Namjoon?” Yoongi tries to recall when he did that. The time around high school feels very far away now. “Interesting. I barely remember any of that.”

“I remember.” He shrugs and says it in tiny words.

“So you thought I was manly and cool then. Do you still think that now?”

Jungkook splutters. “Of—of course! Very cool. The coolest. Cooler than a...a...lima bean?” He looks confused.

“A cucumber?”

“Cooler than a cucumber! Yeah, I totally blanked and panicked there for a second.” Jungkook chuckles at himself and Yoongi joins in. Jungkook is too adorable.

Someone down the bar calls him for another beer, and so he goes to bring another fisherman a beer. Sometimes the work really is boring. But work is work and he’s making money, so. There is also that. Jungkook is three-quarters of the way done with his drink when Yoongi comes back after cleaning up on the other end.

“Other than your wild...drunk dude on the counter, I hope your weekend was fairly peaceful.”

Yoong nods. “It was. I don’t do much, just work a little bit on my music, talk to my mom and dad. Go on walks if I’m feeling it. Now that’s boring stuff.”

Jungkook perks up. “You still make music?”

“Yeah. Why do you sound so surprised by that?”

“Oh. No reason. I thought you said that it didn’t pan out for you.”

“Ah, yeah. I mean, I tried at it for a bit after high school. But I wasn’t very good, didn't have the right equipment. I gave up on it and got a real job. But now that I’ve been doing this for a while, I’ve had some more time to set aside. Y’know. Dabble and stuff.”

Jungkook looks at him, eyes wide. “It wasn’t your passion? Or like...your dream to pursue music?”

Yoong shakes his head. “I don’t think so. I wasn’t committed enough to it. It doesn’t stop me from trying every now and then. I dunno...not all dreams are meant to be followed.”

Jungkook nods. “Right...you’re right.” He reaches forward for his daiquiri again, another little sip.

Yoongi is about to ask Jungkook another question when they hear a loud crack of thunder outside. A flash of lightning pops through the window, illuminating the coastline. He grimaces. “Oh wow, that doesn’t look too good. It’s probably gonna start pouring soon. You should head out. I have an umbrella you can borrow.”

The other fishermen in the bar begin to get up, grabbing their hats and leaving money on the bar. They stomp out in a matter of minutes, leaving just him and Jungkook inside the bar.

“What about you?” Jungkook asks. “Do you have a second umbrella for yourself?”

Yoongi shakes his head. “It’s fine though, I live just up the street. I need to close up the bar anyway. You’d better head home before things get bad. You remember how brutal the rainy season could get.”

Jungkook nods. “Yeah. And it’s fine. I don’t need an umbrella.” He downs the rest of the daiquiri and pulls out some bills to leave on the bar. “Thank you, Yoongi, for tonight. I’ll see you around!”

Before Yoongi can even argue, he’s walking out of the bar. There is another strike of lightning and crack of thunder, and then the rain pours down on the roof of the bar, loud and heavy.

≈

The first thing Jungkook yells when he comes back into the bar on Sunday afternoon is: “Can I take your picture please!”

Yoongi, in the middle of mixing a drink, is shell shocked. “What!”

Jungkook takes a few deep breaths to calm down and then begins again. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout. I’m trying to build my portfolio and I’d really like to take some pictures of you if you're okay with that?”

Yoongi sets the drink down in front of the fisherman. “Here you are.” Then looks over at Jungkook and says, “Uh...but why me?”

“You don't want to?” He pouts.

“I didn't say that,” Yoongi shakes his head. Jungkook is about to respond when Yoongi interrupts him. “There are lots of other nicer things you could take pictures of,” Yoongi says flatly. “I hardly fall into the category.”

“Hm. I disagree. Listen! I could come back on Tuesday because those seem like your least busy days. You can still do your job, I’ll still order a drink, but...just let me take pictures of you? While you're working?”

Yoongi thinks about it. And honestly, what's the harm? He nods, “I guess.”

Jungkook beams and his face looks so excited and cheerful that Yoongi blushes and looks away. It’s too much. He’s not used to...attention. Frankly, he doesn’t care for it. But something about the way that Jungkook lights up like that, it makes Yoongi’s heart do a weird flip flop.

“So...you wanna drink? Or?”

Jungkook nods happily, and there goes his floppy hair. “Can you make me something new?”

“Sure. Do you have anything in mind?”

“Something sweet?”

Yoongi shakes his head, smiling. “Not sure why I was expecting you to say anything different. Okay. You didn’t like the Mai Tai but you liked the frozen daiquiris and mojitos.” He thinks for a couple of moments. “Oh, I have an idea.”

Yoongi turns around and begins to prepare the drink. Ice in a tall glass. Pineapple-orange juice in a mixer with coconut rum. While he’s stirring, he watches Jungkook glance out the window, look down at his phone, then glance back out the window. The ocean is particularly green today.

“Did you make it home okay? Last time you ran straight out into the rain, it was pouring buckets!” Yoongi pours the mixture over ice. Adds grenadine.

“Oh! Yeah, I made it home fine. I was pretty drenched, but it’s not a big deal.”

Yoongi shakes his head, adding more than the normal amount of maraschino cherries. Pushes the drink across the bar. “You’re crazy. Do you live close? I live like a ten-minute walk away and that was miserable even with an umbrella. Here. Malibu Sunset.”

Jungkook picks up the drink and immediately goes for the cherries. Pops the whole thing in his mouth, Yoongi watches, mouth dry. Not more than thirty seconds later he pulls out the stem, twisted in a knot. He winks, smiling cheekily. “Fun trick I learned in college.”

Yoongi’s heart seizes up at that. He tries really hard not to think about what other fun tricks his tongue could do.

“And nah, I live about a twenty-five minute walk out. But I just ran. Got there in like eight minutes. Wasn’t too bad.”

Yoongi frowns. “Are you like some track and field sprinter?”

Jungkook takes a sip of the drink. “Ooh! I like this one!” He looks up, eyes shining with excitement. “I’m gonna make this one my usual.”

Yoongi snorts. “Okay. Sure.”

“No, yeah, I was a long-distance runner back in college, it’s how I met my friends. Ran for the cross country team. Now I just run to get outside, keep in shape and stuff.” And stuff. Yoongi nods.

Something occurs to Yoongi, and his curiosity gets the better of him. “So...do your close friends back in The Big City know?”

“Know what?”

“About you being gay?” A customer has fallen asleep against the counter a few seats away, but Yoongi lowers his voice as a precaution.

“Oh yeah,” Jungkook nods. “They...kinda know? They think I’m bi. Because I was dating Jieun and stuff. But they also knew I was seeing someone before her that was a guy.” Yoongi’s stomach swoops. It suddenly becomes much more real. Jungkook is gay, has dated a guy, has maybe kissed a gay? Maybe gone even further with a guy. This whole time Yoongi hadn’t really thought about...it too hard.

“Oh.” He doesn’t know what to say to that. Does he sound disappointed? He doesn’t mean to.

“We’re not together at all. We never really were.” Jungkook rushes to say.

Yoongi nods, trying to school his expression into nonchalance. “No, it’s cool. You definitely don’t have to explain yourself or your past flings to me. I mean. I’m just…” Your bartender? Your friend? Yoongi doesn’t know.

“My friend? I wanna be friends. I want to be honest with my friends.” Yoongi’s chest squeezes. Friends? Jungkook runs his hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. Takes a sip of his Malibu Sunset. Yoongi is silent for a moment so Jungkook says, “I do really like this drink. It tastes delicious. Like summer.”

“Well. Yeah, okay. Friends.” Yoongi smiles. “You said that about my last drink. I dunno if it’s my drinks or your taste buds. But you seem to be only picking up one vibe from all of my drinks.”

Jungkook giggles. “What can I say. I’m a sucker for the summer. I like fruity, sweet things. Sue me.”

Yoongi laughs too. Because Jungkook’s giggle is precious. He’s been doing that a lot lately, whenever Jungkook is around. God, this is only the—what the fifth? Sixth time they’ve talked? Jungkook is a strange kid. Strange but precious.

“Nah, I can’t, you’re a regular now. I’d lose patronage if I tried to sue you. That’s not smart business management. Or is it marketing? One of the two.”

Jungkook points at him. “Exactly.”

Yoongi scoots away to serve Joe a beer at the other end of the bar. He’s smiling to himself and Joe notices.

“Well I’ll be damned, Yoongi is smiling. What’s got you so giddy, kid?” Joe says it first to his company, another fisherman, and then to Yoongi. The other fisherman raises his eyebrows.

Yoongi drops his smile. “None of your business, that’s what,” he replies, rolling his eyes. “Enjoy your beer and stay outta my hair, Joe.” Joe cackles and turns back to his buddy. That’s how it goes. Joke around, keep things impersonal. No harm, no foul. Yoongi serves people alcohol, not his thoughts. Except...Jungkook. He isn’t sure how that came about.

He cleans a couple of glasses, wipes down the counter. Opens more boxes of napkins for the countertop. He glances down and sees Jungkook staring out the window at the ocean again. Siddles back down to Jungkook’s side of the bar once he’s done.

“Ocean’s looking really green today, huh.”

Jungkook nods blankly. “Yeah, I think the storm changed the color a bit. It used to be more blue. But I kind of like the green.”

“Yeah, it always turns green around this time of the summer.”

“I remember.” Jungkook looks down at his drink. He takes a sip of the peachy red drink. Yoongi can’t put a finger on the face Jungkook is making. He looks despondent but calm, neutral, a little bit sad.

“Hey. You okay?” Yoongi doesn’t beat around the bush. “If you...need to talk about stuff. Any stuff. I’m here. Friends and all that.”

Jungkook looks up. “Huh? Oh. Yeah, I’m fine. Just...thinking.”

Yoongi doesn’t push him. Jungkook feels distant and Yoongi doesn’t know how to close the space between them, or if it’s even his place. He wonders what could be weighing so heavily on Jungkook’s mind, but realizes it’s probably not any of his business. Honesty and intimacy are different. And, everyone has secrets.

Jungkook sips his drink quietly and Yoongi catches glimpses of him turning over his phone in his hands, staring out the window, frowning into his drink.

“Can I ask you another personal question?”

“Sure.”

“Do you think we’re less romantically inclined as a society these days?”

Yoongi snorts. “What kind of question is that?”

“Nah, I just...I guess. When I was in the city, everything was about hook-ups and stuff. Like my ‘ex’ before Jieun.”

“Well…” Yoongi thinks. “Maybe we’re less inclined to commit to love. I’m...not the right person to ask though.”

Jungkook nods slowly, finishing up his drink. “Okay. I was just curious.” Yoongi shrugs and waves it off.

“Can I get you another one?” He asks it even if he knows what the answer will be.

Jungkook shakes his head, puts money on the bar top. “Thank you, Yoongi. I’ll see you around? I’ll bring my camera.”

Yoongi nods dumbly, having forgotten about that already. There’s a small pile of knotted cherry stems on the counter. Jungkook throws him a final wave before walking out the door.

≈

When Tuesday comes around again, Yoongi sits on his stool feeling anxious. He doesn’t know if he is okay with being in front of any kind of camera lens, and he only realized this earlier this morning when he stared at his reflection above the bathroom sink. He doesn’t look at himself that often, and certainly not pictures of himself. He cannot remember the last time someone insisted on taking pictures of him.

As long as he doesn’t have to look at them...he supposes. And they don’t end up anywhere weird. But Jungkook said they were for his portfolio. So, it should be fine. He tries not to let it bother him too much. The twinge of anxiety still tugs at his chest.

Finally, the door opens and Jungkook walks in holding a decently large sized camera. It looks big and heavy and he notices how Jungkook cradles it in his hands like a baby, strap slung around his shoulder.

Jungkook catches his expression and frowns, sitting down at the bar. “Are you okay?”

Yoongi tries to fix the grimace on his face. “Yes. Um. Kinda? I’m nervous. No one has taken my picture in a really long time.”

Jungkook raises his eyebrows, mouth parting in surprise. “Really? That’s surprising. You’re so...look so...photogenic.”

Yoongi frowns. “I look photogenic?”

“Yeah. Photogenic. Like you could look good for photos. Or something. When was the last time someone took your picture?” Jungkook tips his head to the side. His dark hair flops a bit to the left.

“Um. Probably when...my ex took pictures of us together?”

Jungkook’s mouth forms an O. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up...if you don’t wanna talk about it. We don’t have to take pictures today if you’re uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s fine.” He chuckles awkwardly. “As long as you don’t force me to buy them. I’d rather not see them altogether. You said you were using them for your portfolio?”

Jungkook nods. “I’m trying to build it up more. I have too many pictures of nature and the ocean. I need more of people.”

Yoongi is stumped as to why Jungkook would ask him though. Because surely there must be more important, more beautiful people in Jungkook’s life that he could ask. His expression of confusion must give him away because Jungkook speaks again.

“I haven’t found anyone worth shooting. Until...you? It’s kind of a feeling. And there has to be a level of…” He trails off. “Um. Friendship. Between the people. Chemistry. Something like that.”

“Something like that,” Yoongi repeats. He has a hunch that wasn't Jungkook’s intended word of choice but he’s not sure what it could have been. “Sure.”

“Can I get another Malibu Sunrise?” Jungkook looks around the bar.

“Yeah. I’ll get that for you right now.” Yoongi turns around to start mixing, pulling the coconut rum off the shelf again. Prepping the iced glass. He hears a shutter clicking as he tips juice into the mixer. He looks up at Jungkook, who has his camera faced towards him, a giant lens obscuring half of his face as he takes photos. He almost drops the carton of pineapple-orange juice. “Oh shit! Holy crap. Warn a guy. I wasn’t ready!”

Jungkook giggles from behind the lens, still snapping photos of Yoongi’s protesting. “Sorry!” He doesn’t sound sorry at all. He lowers the camera. “I was taking candid pictures, those are the ones I like the most. Not staged stuff, it looks too stiff.”

Yoongi looks at him flatly. “You couldn’t have mentioned that earlier?”

Jungkook shrinks, guilty this time. “Sorry! If I had told you, you would have been all stiff and awkward, just like you’re being now.” And it’s true. Yoongi’s shoulders are hunched and his cheeks are flushed from being put on the spotlight.

Oh. He rolls his shoulders back. He’s an adult. He agreed to this. He can handle it. “You just...surprised me. Okay, I’ll try to be more natural. My bad.” He goes back to mixing the drink. Pouring it into the iced glass. Adding grenadine. A generous scoop of cherries again.

Jungkook doesn’t raise his camera again. “This may be a personal question. So you don’t have to answer. But why do you not like taking pictures of yourself?”

Yoongi bites his lip. “I dunno. It’s...just never something I wanted. Or particularly liked. It feels fake. Like the posing and shit. You said it yourself.”

“But not all photography is like that. I mean, what about candid pictures? Capturing life in the moment?”

“Yeah, you’re not wrong.” Yoongi scratches his neck. “Here is your drink.”

Jungkook accepts it with a sip, pulls away smiling. “Just as good as before.”

“I’m just following the recipe.”

“I think it probably wouldn’t taste the same if I made it.”

Yoongi crooks his eyebrow. “Are you really bad at following recipes?”

Jungkook shakes his head. “That’s not what I meant. But nevermind.” Jungkook is being so confusing today. Or maybe that’s every day. Regardless, it’s puzzling.

Yoongi tilts his head in a bewildered little jerk, before moving to clean his mixer. Putting away the cherries. He hears more shutter clicks but ignores them this time. Minutes pass, photos are taken at lightning speed. Eventually, the clicking shutter ceases.

“You didn’t really answer my question earlier. Do you not like candid photos either?”

Yoongi pauses. He thinks about the question for a moment. “I suppose. I just don’t really see the point? Life is pretty much the same for me...always. Not worth capturing.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows pinch together. He looks concerned. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

Yoongi scoffs. “You don’t really know that much about my life.”

“But I want to!” Jungkook snaps his mouth shut. Pouts. “I’m your friend. Right? Of course, I want to know more about your life.”

Right. Friendship. That means, wanting to be in each other’s lives, know about each other’s lives. To him, it’s less intentional. He and Namjoon just ended up being friends one day. Were forced to hang out every single day in school, had a common interest in music, and would sometimes talk about video games. Somewhere in there a friendship of comfortability and familiarity blossomed. He hadn't...put that much active thought into it. Not like this, with Jungkook, what Jungkook was expecting of him.

Before he begins to think of something to say, Jungkook starts rambling.

“I like taking candid photos because I like capturing the moments. Just to pause life. In that moment. Because moving forward is scary, and there’s so much unknown stuff out there. And if I’m happy where I am, I try to capture as much as I can of it. Before it’s over.” Jungkook fingers the locks of hair near his ears, twisting it nervously. “I thought. It’s only fair if I want to know more about you that I should also share too.”

Yoongi exhales. He leans back on his stool, hunching with his hands in his pockets. “I think. That is a very interesting take on life.”

Jungkook shrugs, “I like being able to look back. It reminds me of where I was at that moment, what I was feeling. Making life stop in that moment. It’s reliable, y’know? Or nostalgic. There are pros and cons.”

Yoongi hums. “But. It’s kind of...wishful thinking? No offense. Life will continue whether you want it to or not. It’s just a matter of finding your...place in it, I guess. Or path, for people that feel a greater sense of purpose. There’s no right way to do life. But it doesn’t stop for anyone.”

“But don’t you ever just wanna. Hold onto those exhilarating, crazy, happy moments? Photography gives me an outlet to hold onto that. Relive it. Life doesn’t stop...sure. I just. I wanna remember the good stuff. I don’t want my life to be inconsequential.” Jungkook’s voice sounds small.

“I dunno if life being inconsequential is a bad thing. Like...this is my life. This bar, talking to the people in this bar. Cooking meals. Talking to my parents. Sometimes making music. It’s boring, but it’s comfortable. I’m happy with the way things are. Sometimes inconsequential is okay. Life doesn’t have to be exhilarating and crazy all the time. It can just...be. And we can just exist in it.”

Jungkook’s eyes are shiny. Yoongi had been mumbling to himself this whole time, staring out the window at the ocean, and didn’t realize that Jungkook was...teary. He pushes off the stool to hand him a little napkin. He takes it and presses it to his eyes. Something turns over in the back of his memory. A very old, dusty thing.

They’re silent for a long time.

Yoongi’s eyes flicker between Jungkook’s face, his hands, his floppy hair. Jungkook dabs his eyes sporadically. Takes a couple sips of his cocktail. It’s the longest they’ve gone without talking where Yoongi wasn’t off tending to another customer. There were no other customers on Tuesdays. Yoongi is used to silence. Settles into it comfortably. Jungkook seems to be occupied internally. Yoongi doesn’t pry. He tries to think about what he had forgotten. Something that seemed to want to uncover itself in the back of his mind.

Jungkook clears his throat. Yoongi loses his train of thought. “Thanks. For sharing that. I didn’t mean to get...emotional. Sorry.” He pushes out a pathetic little chuckle.

Yoongi shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry. Emotions are normal. Fuck anyone who thinks they’re not.”

Jungkook laughs again, and this time it sounds more real, less watery. “You’re always so wise. I’ll never forget that. I get so in my head sometimes. It’s a good reminder.”

Yoongi looks at him. He is always? Frowns to himself. Jungkook stands up and draws out a couple bills from his wallet, as usual, leaving it next to his unfinished Malibu Sunset.

“Thank you for today. I need to edit them a bit, but I think the pictures turned out perfect. I know you said you didn’t, but let me know if you ever want to see them.”

“Wait,” Yoongi gets up too, coming around the bar and stepping down off the ledge. He approaches Jungkook and realizes he’s taller than him. “Wow, you’re. Taller than I thought.”

Jungkook laughs. “You’re shorter on this side of the bar!”

Yoongi rolls his eyes and pulls Jungkook into a hug. “You looked like you needed this.”

Jungkook slumps into the hug, arms coming up around Yoongi’s shoulders for a squeeze. Yoongi thinks briefly that he smells nice. “Thank you Yoongi.” They pull apart.

“Bye, Jungkook,” he offers. Waves him out as Jungkook turns and walks off with an “I’ll see you around!” letting the door swing closed behind him. This time, Yoongi can taste the shift in the air, or maybe it’s just the saltiness of the ocean breeze.

≈

Jungkook doesn’t come back to the bar for over a week again. Yoongi starts to sigh and tune out the fishermen more. He can’t stop turning over in his mind the way Jungkook looked. Tear-filled eyes over words that...well, he hadn’t intended to make Jungkook cry. He wonders if he was too blunt, too harsh. Did he say something wrong? Was the hug weird? Yoongi leans against the bar whenever there is a break between orders and realizes he misses Jungkook’s presence, his face, his conversation.

He had visited his parents over the weekend. Had sat through a painfully awkward dinner where his mom and dad discussed Geumjae’s job as a banker in town. His salary first and his two children next, whom Yoongi loved dearly from afar. Geumjae sat across from him and they exchanged looks, commiserating on how painful it was to listen to their parents bicker over how Geumjae ought to raise his kids and how Yoongi ought to start having some.

It was a part of life that he had accepted, like any other. But it didn’t make it any less of a generally miserable experience. Both him and Geumjae had stopped smoking, but out of habit after every family dinner they stood out on the back porch. Exchanging only a few words about how things were going, and pretending that the nicotine was soaking into their bodies.

Yoongi never really craved cigarettes. He just liked the feeling every now and then. So it made it easier to stop when he decided that his lungs were pretty important to him. He didn’t want his parents to see him die first. His mom would never forgive him.

Jungkook’s words also float in and out of his brain. He registers it’s been over a week since Jungkook has come because he glances out the window and notices the ocean is still green from the storms that have been happening on and off. He hopes that Jungkook is enjoying how green the water looks. Even if he’s not coming to the bar to do it. That nagging memory is still obscured in the back of his mind. He tries to fish it out, but to no avail.

Then he shakes his head. He hasn’t hoped for things in a long time. And not for other people either. He then admits to himself that he hopes to see Jungkook again. It’s a weird feeling. He picks up his rag and continues to wipe down the counters.

It’s been ten days. The bar is alive with chatter and laughter and the game as usual on a Friday. Fishermen and others, but Yoongi mostly only recognizes the fishermen. He and his fellow bartender scurry up and down the bar, tending to orders and cleaning up as they go. He focuses mostly on beers, nobody orders anything too complicated, thankfully.

“Hey Yoongs,” his fellow bartender says. “There’s a dude who wants you to make him a drink. Says you know what he likes.”

Yoongi’s heart nearly stops. He’s totally caught off guard. It is...Is it? He looks down the counter and there’s Jungkook, sitting in the corner, looking cheerful and wide-eyed as the first day he’d walked in.

He arranges his expression so he doesn’t look so surprised and approaches.

“Hey,” Jungkook pipes up.

“Hey,” Yoongi says, and tries not to sound breathless. “What can I get you?”

Jungkook smiles. “Something that’s sweet. And tastes like summer.”

“Okay,” Yoongi smiles back. “Give me a sec. I know just the thing.” He turns around and pulls the rum off the shelf. “Wait, do you like coconut?”

Jungkook nods, hair flopping.

Yoongi grins then grabs pineapple juice and coconut cream too. He focuses on the drink he’s making in front of him. Doesn’t want to look up at Jungkook’s beautiful face, his dark lovely hair. Dumps them one by one into the mixer. Chills a glass with ice. Shakes the drink, dumps out the ice, and pours it into the glass. He adds a small heaping of cherries.

He slides it across the table. “Piña colada.”

Jungkook’s eyes go very round. “It’s very...creamy looking.”

Yoongi snorts. “Let me know how it is. It’s really busy tonight so give me a bit.” Jungkook nods and picks up the drink, taking little slurps.

Yoongi moves away to serve the other customers and gets lost in the mechanics of it. Plucking glasses to fill with beer, wiping down messes, clearing out glasses. Refilling the nuts, replacing the napkins. Occasionally mixing a vodka cran, gin tonic, pretty basic stuff. No one in this town ever asks for anything too complicated. Except...Jungkook.

He glances down the bar at Jungkook, who is already halfway done with his drink, licking white foam off his lips. Yoongi whips his head away, he does not need that image in his brain. But it’s too late, his pulse has already spiked. He decides to stay on this side of the bar for a little while longer so his heart rate can calm down.

Like clockwork, the game finishes and people start to drain out of the bar, slowing down the service and then halting altogether around half past midnight. Jungkook is still in his corner, not his usual seat, but the same corner he had occupied a few Saturdays ago.

Yoongi sidles back over, cloth in hand to begin wiping the counter on this end. He’s been avoiding it long enough. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Jungkook smiles. Yoongi doesn’t know what he did to deserve that smile, but it makes the pain of standing up for close to six hours subside almost instantly.

“How’s the piña colada?”

Jungkook holds it up to his lips again, tipping it back. It’s almost empty. He sets it down with a satisfied noise. “Really good. One of the best so far, I think.”

Yoongi raises his eyebrows. “High praise.” Jungkook smirks and puffs his chest out. “Coming from a man who has tried only four cocktails.”

Jungkook collapses in laughs. “You got me there. For real though, I think the strawberry daiquiri is still in the top spot, but the piña colada is a close second.”

Yoongi settles into a soft smile. This Jungkook isn’t teary or quiet, and Yoongi finds comfort in seeing him happier than when they had parted.

“How has your week been?”

Yoongi shrugs. “Pretty bland. Had dinner with my parents and brother. They pretty much chewed us out for our life choices and then sent us home with leftovers. Can’t complain.”

Jungkook recoils. “Ooh, that doesn’t sound fun. Are you okay?”

Yoongi snorts. “Of course I’m okay. They’re my parents but...I’m an adult. I don’t have to listen to the shit they say anymore. It’s honestly easier to let them say it than to fight back.”

Jungkook nods like he knows what Yoongi means, looking down at his drink. Yoongi’s eyes slide over to the cherry stems, knotted like before, and then to Jungkook’s fingers wrapped around the base of the glass. He pulls them away after a couple seconds. His mouth feels parched again. Is he dehydrated?

“How. How was yours?” He reaches for a glass of water, filling it up from the soda gun.

“It was fine. I got kinda busy. Um. Helping my mother out.”

“Oh?” This is the first time Jungkook has mentioned what he’s been up to in town since returning. Yoongi perks up. “Is your mom doing okay?”

“Oh! Yeah, she’s fine. She’s running her practice on the east side. Everything’s good...she just wants me to help pick up some slack. Work for her. Stuff like that.” Jungkook goes for another sip and is close to downing the rest of the drink.

“Right...what does your mom do again?” He scratches his neck.

“She’s a chiropractor! Business has been good, thanks to all the fishermen around here.”

Yoongi nods, “I think most businesses would close down if not for the fishermen around. They’re definitely why I still have my job.”

Jungkook laughs but it’s kind of awkward and forced. Yoongi looks at him, but doesn’t comment on it.

“It sucks to wake up at like seven in the morning though. She’s always so…naggy.” Jungkook mumbles the last word like he wishes he hadn’t. He looks guilty.

Yoongi’s gaze softens. “Do you still live at home? You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. It’s definitely not a bad thing.”

Jungkook shrugs, “I mean, you were gonna find out anyway. It’s not like it’s some big secret. But yeah, I came back to like, home home when I came back.”

Yoongi shakes his head. “It’s really not like. Something to be ashamed of though? I mean, look at the freaking economy these days. I think I read some Big City Post article about how the highest number of millenials are living at home these days.”

“Really? You don’t really strike me as the type to read Big City Post articles...” Jungkook says thoughtfully.

Yoongi tilts his head, frowning. “Excuse you. But yeah, I think I probably read it somewhere in a tweet headline and assumed that was the entire article. It still makes sense though.”

Jungkook nods. “It does.”

“I didn’t move out of my parent’s place until I was like…what? Twenty?”

“Twenty?” Jungkook’s eyes bulge. “I’m twenty-three. Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“No, no, I mean that I graduated high school when I was eighteen. It took me two years of jobs to find a bartending gig and have it be stable enough to move out. And then when I was your age I think I started this job. The pay was way shittier too. I was eating like hard-boiled eggs and ramen for months.”

Jungkook makes a disgusted face. “Gross. That’s…really terrible.”

“So yeah, I mean, you have college under your belt too, which...is a good thing on your resume. Doesn’t even matter your major, you’re already more qualified for all of the jobs I could even dream of applying too.” He glances down at his hands. “Not that I really have any jobs I’d want to apply to. But if I did.” Looks back up.

Jungkook smiles, “Thanks for trying to make me feel better about myself. Your…words last time. About life…just being. And us just existing. They really got to me because, y’know. I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to do well. Especially since I graduated from...that school in The Big City.”

Yoongi whistles. “Hell, even the name of the school could get you in places you never even dream of. Honestly. You know how many underqualified kids are probably getting super well-paying jobs at law firms just cuz of the name? I don’t actually know, but probably tons.”

Jungkook’s shoulders shake with laughter. “You’re pretty right.” His smile dies down with a sigh. “But. I kinda felt like a fraud there. Coming from a tiny town. Everyone was so much better, so much smarter than me.”

Yoongi’s mouth drops open. “Are you kidding me? You’re the legendary genius kid from the town! There might have been kids there smarter than you but man the number of kids dumber than you is like, a whole ocean larger than that.”

Jungkook smiles sadly. “Thanks, Yoongi…but you don’t have to do that. Putting other kids down. That’s not…I appreciate the perspective but it doesn’t really help.”

“Ah,” Yoongi says. Then, “I’m sorry. I don’t actually think that. That’s my bad. I shouldn’t have said that. I was just trying to…cheer you up and said some stupid shit.” He thinks about how he wants to word it. “Here’s what I think about it. You feel like they’re smarter because they say cool things or intelligent things…or maybe they get good grades. But intelligence isn’t only about that.

“There’s…social and emotional intelligence. I dunno if they’re called that but, there’s being able to make friends and connections. There’s being able to understand and communicate feelings. Intelligence like that. And there’s intelligence in creativity, in art and expression. Like that stuff. Yeah. I’m not great with words but you know what I mean.”

Jungkook purses his lips and nods. “I think I sorta get what you’re saying. It’s hard...to not compare yourself sometimes though.”

“Yeah, it’s hard. I’m...not sure that ever really goes away. But you also don’t know the full story. Those kids that get into that school, they might be book smart intelligent in some ways. But, not intelligent in other ways. It’s a spectrum, right? You don’t see all of those sides. And the kids that don’t get into that school, it’s also a spectrum. Intelligence in the traditional sense of the word doesn’t dictate anything about anyone. Not who’s gonna be more successful or who’s more worthy. None of that shit. Hell, even…the fact that kids are required to show some measure of intelligence to be worthy is bullshit.”

Jungkook sighs. “Yeah, it is bullshit. The fact that kids have to prove themselves, have to break their backs doing it. It...takes so much out of you.”

Yoongi shakes his head, crossing his arms. “Society really just needs to let people exist without placing some dumbass value system on them. And I don’t mean that everyone’s a special person. Because…no one is really special in the end. That’s just a dumb concept. But we’re all…unique. And we each have a different place or path. Like I said. Sometimes we’re just here, and it doesn’t make us any better or worse than anybody else.”

Jungkook’s looking at him intensely, eyebrows raised. Again, the visage of sadness, some deep pain reverberates inside the depths of his eyes.

Yoongi sighs, his chest feels heavy and light all at once. “That was a lot. I have…definitely thought about this before. I don’t usually say all that, to people.”

“No, no, I’m honored that you told me. Your thoughts are very...helpful. Insightful. And, wow I hope I’m not just ‘people.’ I’m your friend, right? Friends cheer each other up with long rants like this to make them feel better. You’re a good friend, Yoongi.” Jungkook beams at him.

Yoongi’s heart swells, becoming uncomfortable in his chest, and his cheeks flush. “O-Oh. No one…really tells me that. Except maybe Namjoon. Thanks. I’m? Thanks.” He smiles. “Appreciate the little things, I guess.”

Jungkook sighs but it ends in a soft smile, and his face looks lighter than it did before. Then his face changes to a devilish little smirk. “I appreciate you. Y’know. Little things.”

Yoongi scoffs. “I hate you. I take back everything I said.”

“Nooo,” Jungkook whines. “I’m kidding! No really, I was quite shocked at you being shorter than me. I remember you were so much taller than me before.” ...Before?

Yoongi’s head whips around from where he’s been avoiding Jungkook’s cute pout. “What? What do you mean by that?”

Jungkook freezes, jaw dropping. “Oh man. I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

Yoongi’s brain works on overdrive. Jungkook knew him before this? They’d met? They’d stood close enough that Jungkook remembers him being taller? When? Before? His concentrated face must have come off as anger because Jungkook immediately scrambles to say something.

“Wait I promise it’s not creepy! I promise, please don’t freak out! We met when I was really young. Like six or something. You were like ten, and I had been crying in the playground over the summer because my parents were getting divorced and you came over to me and talked to me. You probably don’t remember because it was just another day to you, but it was…it meant a lot to me. And I’ve…never forgotten it since.”

Jungkook bites his lip in worry and it’s devastating because his lips are soft and rosy.

Yoongi looks down, trying to think. Jungkook crying…it had definitely stirred up something. When Jungkook says playground, the memory springs out at him, a vivid image captured in his brain. A little kid sobbing on the faded swing set. Going to sit with him and asking him what was wrong. He doesn’t remember the whole encounter. But Jungkook’s baby face, doe eyes, oversized nose, and bunny teeth smack him in the face.

“Oh my god!” He points at Jungkook. “You are that kid from the playground. You—you grew up!”

Jungkook nods eagerly, “Yes! You remember me!” His floppy hair is mesmerizing.

The shock wears off soon enough, and Yoongi drops his hand, scratching his neck awkwardly, mind still racing. “What the hell, that’s actually insane that you remember that. I forgot about it until now. Totally didn’t recognize you. No offense but you look really different.” He pauses. “In a good way.” He tacks it on at the end, not wanting to be misunderstood.

Jungkook laughs, also tugging on his bangs. “Yeah, it made a big impression on me. I was really sad about my parents. And you made that process more tolerable. Even for a six-year-old kid. You’re a good person, Yoongi.”

Yoongi frowns. “Thanks? I’m…sorry that your parents got divorced. But I suppose I’m, uh, seventeen years late to say that?”

Jungkook huffs out a laugh. “Don’t worry. You said it to me on the playground. So you’ve already done your part. But yeah, divorce is common these days. It does suck though. I took it pretty hard. You made it better though.”

Yoongi doesn’t know what to say next. He is still reeling from the small revelation. He sits and thinks about the fact that…this whole time, Jungkook had had a vivid memory of Yoongi comforting him. Had already preconceived notions about who he was. He wonders if that explains some of Jungkook’s strange behavior.

“Oh, that’s why you knew my name? Not cuz of rumor stuff. Well, maybe partly the rumors. But because of that?”

Jungkook shrugs. “It was a mix of both. I knew who you were, but y’know. When I’d see you around in high school you had really…grown up, different. In a good way. But yeah, I had the chance to put a name to a face after puberty.” He giggles.

“Wow…that’s. What a coincidence that you came back. And came to this bar. Who would have…”

Yoongi stops mid-sentence at Jungkook’s sheepish expression.

“Hang on. Was it a coincidence that you came to this bar? That you came back?” He narrows his eyes.

Jungkook flails his arms. “Yes! No! I mean, it was a coincidence that I came back. I needed to come back. But it wasn’t a coincidence that I came to this bar. And before you ask, I did recently break up with Jieun. Before I moved back home though. And I moved back home…um like three months ago?”

Yoongi counts back the weeks. “So…you’ve been single and in town for like…two months before you came into the bar. For what? The excuse to talk to me?”

Jungkook downs the rest of his piña colada. “Yes?” He says it in a very small voice. Yoongi’s heart softens slightly at his nervous expression. But he still can’t help but feel like it’s kind of weird how this kid already knows him. Except, him, seventeen years ago, scrawny and little, probably stubborn and a bit grouchy, is not exactly him now. He’s learned a lot of hard lessons about the world, and himself. He wonders what kind of inspirational bullshit he could have said as a kid to leave such a lasting impression on Jungkook. But the memory is long lost on him, aside from Jungkook’s shining face. Strange, strange kid.

Jungkook gets up. “It’s getting late,” he acknowledges the clock on the wall. Puts down money on the counter. “Thank you for the drink, Yoongi. I’ll try not to...compare myself to others so much. I don’t think you realize...um how much your words have helped me. Honestly. Thank you.” He smiles nervously. “I’ll…see you around?”

Yoongi stares. Then nods. “Yeah, see you Jungkook.”

Jungkook walks out of the bar into the warm summer night with a spring in his step.

≈

Jungkook comes back to the bar the following week, on Wednesday. Yoongi greets him with a smile. He feels closer to Jungkook now, maybe like old friends. He can’t remember the full exchange they had when they were kids. But he remembers how Jungkook’s huge eyes had stared up at him as his tears came to a hiccuping halt. How, after talking, Jungkook had given him a toothy grin, a tiny little giggle. It’s truly very endearing. He remembers that day was cloudy and humid, not unlike these past few weeks. But, he also remembers how stupid he was, some kid who thought he understood the whole world. Even today, the world remains a mystery, and Yoongi has learned to stop questioning it. It feels like a series of images and feelings, caught in a past self that he’d entirely forgotten about.

“Welcome back, Jungkook.”

Jungkook sits in his usual spot. “Hey. What are you gonna make for me today?”

Yoongi cocks his head. “I thought you had a ‘usual’? Don’t you wanna order that?”

Jungkook pauses, frowning a little. “Did I? If I asked for ‘my usual’ would you know what that is?”

“Um…” Yoongi shakes his head, defeated. “No, I guess I wouldn’t. I vaguely recall you saying you’d make strawberry daiquiris your usual. But you also said that about Malibu Sunsets. And then you ranked those below piña coladas. So maybe, strawberry daiquiris?”

Jungkook gives him a knowing smile. “See, I told you, you are really observant. You’re like. A therapist or something. Remembering everything. Saying wise stuff.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “Bartenders are supposed to be observant. We’re supposed to remember people’s drinks if they’re here twice or twenty times. The wise stuff comes with experience. And practice. It all comes with practice.”

Jungkook hums, setting his elbow on the counter and propping his head up.

“By the way, your photos came out amazing. Are you sure you don’t want to see them?”

“No, I’m good. They’re not for me anyway, they’re for your portfolio.”

Jungkook blinks. “Right. That’s right.” His eyes dart around the bar. “I’ll take…another piña colada. Just to be sure. It’s a close competition with strawberry daiquiris. I’m giving it a second taste, I wanna give it a fair chance.”

Yoongi chuckles at the logic but starts to make the drink. Plucking the rum off the shelf, prepping a chilled glass. Mixing pineapple juice, coconut cream, alcohol. Shake. Garnish. He pauses with the cherries.

“Should you be eating this many cherries? They’re pretty artificial and unhealthy.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “Oh my god. Are you my mom? Give me all the cherries. I can handle sweets. I run like seven miles every day to stay in shape.”

Yoongi nearly drops the cherries. Images of Jungkook running in the summer, along the coast, no, no redirects the thoughts. Jungkook just compared him to his mom. That shuts down a lot of thoughts. “How do you? Not want to die? Every day?”

Jungkook giggles. “It’s one of my few hobbies aside from photography. Jogging is calming. Once you get into a pace, it’s really easy to keep going. Have you ever heard of runner’s high?”

Yoongi has not. He didn’t even know such a thing existed. “That sounds like the worst kind of high. You have to put physical effort into it…and then you’ll be sore as fuck after. I’d pass.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen, cheeks coloring pink. “You…Out of context that. Sounds like you’re talking about something else.”

Yoongi replays the words in his head. Squints his eyes at Jungkook. “You dirty little—”

Jungkook bursts into loud laughter.

Yoongi dumps a load of cherries into the drink. “Here. Die of chemical poisoning or diabetes for all I care.” Shoves the drink across the counter towards Jungkook. A little splash of creamy coconut mixture spills onto the counter.

Jungkook stares at it, cheeks and ears getting red now.

“Jesus. What are you—twelve?” He wipes at the spill with a dishtowel.

Jungkook looks up at him, eyes like saucers. “No?”

“Is that a question?”

“No!” He takes his piña colada, sips down a big gulp. He frantically changes the direction of the conversation. “Wow, very fresh. Very nice.” He gives Yoongi an awkward thumbs up.

Yoongi narrows his eyes. He wants to admonish Jungkook for acting immature but he doesn’t really want to be accused of sounding like his mom again. That stung enough the first time. It’s weird. This odd tug of war that they’re playing. Have been playing since the moment Jungkook first sat down. He doesn’t really understand what Jungkook wants from him. Or what he expects, now that he remembers being Jungkook’s…voice of comfort as a little kid.

“You’re weird,” Yoongi goes with, shaking his head and smiling. “No matter how much I learn about you. You just get stranger.”

Jungkook smirks. “I like to keep an air of mystery about me. It makes me more interesting.”

“O...kay. Sure.”

Jungkook deflates. “I was joking. It’s a joke. I’m really boring.”

Yoongi snickers. “No, you’re not. But I’m not entirely sure I agree with being mysterious as being interesting. People like that are withdrawn from everyone. Always. People...get tired of feeling like they’ll never understand you.”

Jungkook looks at him, with a fixed, intense expression. “That’s surprisingly astute. I’m not sure why I’m surprised, you always say smart things. You should have gone to that school, not me.” He shakes his head.

Yoongi shifts. “I’m not that...I just. I have some experience. Opinions. And I’m not shy about them. But they’re…opinions at the end of the day. Not everyone agrees.”

“That’s true. But I think I agree with all of yours so far. You’re like, jam-packed with wisdom. I agree with everything you say, all the time. Well, except for one. You think you’re not pretty enough to be in front of a camera. That’s not true in the slightest.” Jungkook tilts his head. His eyes are round and dark, and Yoongi can almost detect the intense veneration inside them. It makes him uncomfortable. “Do you really think you’re not good looking?”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “No. It’s not about whether I think I look good or not anyways.”

“You shouldn’t be so self-deprecating, Yoongi.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not about being self-deprecating. It’s just about being aware of what you like about yourself, and what you believe about yourself. Just because I don’t care for pictures of myself doesn’t mean anything about my own self-esteem. They’re often related, but to me, they’re separate issues.”

“Hm. I guess that makes one of us. I wish I was confident like you. I’m kinda self-deprecating. I’m just boring and I live at home. Pretty pathetic huh.” Jungkook chuckles dryly.

Something inside Yoongi’s gut twists. The words come out of his mouth before he can stop them. “That’s the thing about self-deprecation. I don’t turn self-deprecation into humor, or to make other people feel bad for me. That’s a waste of time and energy. If that’s how you truly felt about yourself, you wouldn’t shout it at others for self-validation.”

Jungkook purses his lips. He looks disturbed, deep in his own thoughts at Yoongi’s words.

He slows down. Softens his words. “I just mean. Self-deprecation comes from a place of insecurity, it’s toxic. Being insecure is okay. Calling yourself boring and pathetic isn’t a bad thing. It’s just not true and it doesn’t do you any favors. But I can’t make you believe that, you have to choose to accept it, believe it yourself.”

Jungkook frowns, his voice is very tiny and he’s staring hard at his hands. “Well. For some people, it’s a coping mechanism. Some people don’t know how to believe in...themselves. I don’t know how you do that.”

“How I do what?”

“Be so confident. Believe in yourself.” Yoongi’s mouth parts in surprise. “How do you be so self-assured? So confident in what you say? In what you believe?”

Yoongi draws back, scratching his neck, glancing around the bar. “I’m not.”

Jungkook looks at him, scandalized, demanding, “What do you mean you’re not? You’re well-spoken. You have opinions on everything. You always know what to say. You’re right a lot of the time. Even if I wish you weren’t.”

“I’m not right all the time. I’m not perfect, Jungkook.” Yoongi runs a hand through his hair.

“You seem pretty perfect,” Jungkook says. It sounds bitter, accusatory. The tone cuts because it’s unfamiliar and cold. The words sting in a way that makes Yoongi’s stomach clench. It feels threatening and uncomfortable, he’s not used to being labeled like this.

“Yeah? Well, I’m not. I think…you have a convoluted image of me in your mind. Maybe because I saved you from your misery as a kid or something. You think I’m some sort of. Person to confide in and look up to? Or admire? Maybe it doesn’t help that I’m a bartender. Or that I’m older than you. But. I’m not perfect. I’m not the same person you looked up to as a kid. I live in a tiny flat down the street. I skip my meals half the time. I don’t follow like sixty percent of my own advice.”

Yoongi sighs. “People have their own layers. You can’t just slap a layer on someone and then expect them to not eventually want to come up for air.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything, but his hands start to tremble.

Yoongi hammers the final nail in the coffin. “I think you see me as something different than I really am. I’m blunt and harsh. I’m not the same person. You can’t hold onto one moment forever like a stupid photo. Life keeps going. People move on and grow up. Nothing is going to change that.”

Jungkook stands up. His head hangs down so his bangs cover his eyes. He doesn’t look Yoongi in the face. He chugs down the piña colada. His neck is distracting and Yoongi can't look away. He tosses money on the counter. The cherries are untouched at the bottom of the glass.

“See you around, Yoongi.” When the door slams behind him, Yoongi flinches.

≈

Yoongi knows he overstepped. He doesn’t usually overstep. He doesn’t usually get involved in things like that. He keeps his mouth shut and his opinions to himself. He doesn’t know what came over him. But that’s the reality of the situation. People make mistakes. Even him. He tries not to judge people so much but every day he’s wondering why the fuck people are subjecting themselves to their own inner torment, why they refuse to see the truths about themselves, about life, and why he can see it in everyone else and yet not remind himself that he is the exact same.

When he goes back over the conversation in his head, he realizes it escalated so much quicker than it should have. He had poked at Jungkook’s weaknesses like some sort of one man circus. But he could also see the way Jungkook always left half his words unsaid, always hesitated to voice his true opinion, about Yoongi and about himself. Vulnerability is scary, Yoongi knows that. He hates that he has to accept it as a part of life, like anything.

The only firm opinion Jungkook seemed to have about him was one that made Yoongi deeply uncomfortable. That Yoongi was some sort of wise guy to be worshipped. It made his skin crawl. He wasn’t an example for anybody, and he had no clue how to communicate that to Jungkook. Words just came out. They burned when they left his tongue. He tries to imagine being on the receiving end of that, but he can’t.

People have always proved themselves to have flaws to him. He’s acknowledged that it’s the way life works. But he’s learned and practiced to not let those flaws impact him. He’s selfish in his beliefs, so it’s challenging for him to accept the other side, even if he knows it’s there.

The part that pains him the most is that Jungkook represents a lot of things that he has spent his whole life trying to change. And he doesn’t know if he can watch it anymore.

Since the first day that Jungkook walked into the bar, Yoongi has always had an inkling he’d come back. Always felt the slightest pull between them. Now, Yoongi is convinced that he’ll probably never see Jungkook again. If he were Jungkook, he’d brush it off and move on. Leave it behind. Because, Yoongi tells himself, that’s how life goes.

So when Jungkook walks back into the bar on a Tuesday two weeks later, jaw set, Yoongi is astonished.

And like any other time, Jungkook sits at his usual stool with a soft, “Hey.”

“Hey.” Yoongi doesn’t know what to do. He’s frozen like a statue. Holding his breath. Waiting for Jungkook to yell at him, get revenge. Something. “What…can I get you?”

Jungkook licks his lips. “Can I get a Dark ‘n’ Stormy?”

Yoongi tilts his head. “I thought you don’t like the taste of dark rum?”

“I’m branching out.”

Yoongi nods and starts to make the drink. Top shelf dark rum, ginger beer. Glass with ice, ginger beer first, floating the rum on top. In the dim lighting of the bar, it looks amber and bubbly at the bottom, with a dark shadow seeping in from the top. It’s the opposite of sweet and fruity. It tastes like it sounds, tumultuous on the tongue, stinging, and a little bit fiery from the strength of the ginger.

Yoongi slides the drink across the bar to Jungkook, apprehensive. Jungkook takes a sip. He’s never been one to hide his expressions. But Jungkook looks like he’s being forced to drink it.

“Are you sure you want this? I can make you something else.”

Jungkook shakes his head. “I want this. It’s good.” His throat sounds a little tight.

“O...kay. If you say so.”

“Listen. I owe you an apology—”

“—No, you don’t. I should be the one—”

“Yoongi. Let me just. Please. I owe you an apology because. I shouldn’t have put you on a pedestal. That’s…not right. I really do admire you. But it was wrong of me to assume you’re something that you’re not. Everything you said is right. I’m an adult, like you. I take responsibility for my actions, and it was weird. I made it weird and uncomfortable and for that, I’m sorry.”

Yoongi blinks, stunned. The honesty in Jungkook’s eyes is moving, he looks sincere and Yoongi hasn’t…seen that kind of maturity in a person in a long while. Yoongi wonders what that must take, the kind of bravery it takes to sit there and confess your faults. The part of him that was willing to just let Jungkook be a bad memory curls up inside him, burying its head in the sand.

“I don’t, I don’t hold grudges. So you’re forgiven. I should also apologize. I said some mean stuff that wasn’t warranted. I’m sorry, Jungkook.”

“You did say some mean stuff. But it doesn’t make it any less true.”

Yoongi scratches his neck. “I’m not certified to tell you who you are. Sometimes I just observe things and make assumptions and judgments about people. I’m really trying not to. But…it’s hard. I’m sorry.”

Jungkook nods. “I forgive you.”

Yoongi heaves out a big sigh. “I really did think about how shitty I was to you for these last two weeks.”

“I believe you,” Jungkook smiles gently. “You’re pretty, selfless. I think you care a lot more than you let on.”

Selfless? Yoongi disagrees.

“Don’t shake your head Yoongi. That’s how I see you. You’re always trying to...adapt to my comfortability. Making conversation with me. Not pushing me too far with the questions, when I don’t want to answer. If you were truly selfish I feel like you would have just ignored me. You have heart, Yoongi.”

Yoongi cringes. Jungkook’s toeing the edge of something, he can feel it and he doesn’t want it. Not here in the bar, not now.

“But you’re also right in that you’re not perfect. I have been trying for a long time to get things to slow down. To even stop. I have no direction, and...I’m insecure. I’ll admit. I tried to think about...you from your perspective. To me, it kinda feels like you’re sprinting through life with no direction. What are you trying to get to the end so fast for?”

Yoongi snorts. It’s an interesting analogy. He doesn’t know what to make of it just yet.

“That’s a good question. I dunno.” It feels like the first time he doesn’t have some kind of answer. Nothing at all.

Jungkook nods, leaning forward to drink more of his Dark ‘n’ Stormy. He winces at the alcohol. “Can you add some, like, syrup or something to this?”

Yoongi chuckles, “Sure.” He takes back the drink to add a little syrup. “Did you order this drink to make a point? To convey something about your uh ‘adultness’?”

Jungkook flushes. “No,” he lies.

“I can tell you’re lying.”

“What?”

“Jungkook, you’re not looking me in the eye and your ears are super red. You’re exposing yourself.” Yoongi laughs. Jungkook drops the act, blushing even more.

He takes a sip of the drink. Winces.

“Here,” Yoongi hands him a tall skinny spoon. “Stir it up. All of the rum is on top and that’s pretty much all you’re tasting. The drink is meant to look like that aesthetically, but it really just tastes like straight alcohol at the top.”

Jungkook stares at him, eyes wide. “That makes sense. I was wondering why the ginger flavor was so subtle.” He mixes the drink to disperse the gradient. Then takes another sip. “Wow, that balance of flavor is so much better. And the syrup tastes good in there. Like a stormy day with a hint of sweetness.”

“It’s literally a Dark ‘n’ Stormy with syrup. That analogy…it’s just a description of the drink?”

Jungkook shrugs. “Genius doesn’t happen one hundred percent of the time.”

Yoongi snorts. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I am,” Jungkook smiles, tongue caught between his teeth, velvety and pink. Yoongi’s eyes snap onto it and he has to deliberately pull them away, up to Jungkook’s eyes. He’s looking at him with a glint in his eyes that Yoongi can’t put his finger on.

He clears his throat and looks away. “So what have you been up to?”

Jungkook inhales, heavy. “Oh, nothing much. I needed a lot of time to think. Your words. Really got me, like the always do,” he chuckles. “That layers comment. I felt that one hard. Realized a lot of things about myself.”

Yoongi raises his eyebrows. “How so?”

He exhales. “Because people have slapped a lot of their own layers on me. Throughout my life. Hell, I’ve even slapped layers onto myself. They were suffocating me. When my parents got divorced, I felt like I was at fault. Like if they hadn’t had me, they would still be together. If I hadn’t done this or that, they’d still be talking.” He hangs his head and Yoongi’s heart drops, thinking of young Jungkook, head muddled with fear and anxiety and doubt.

Yoongi shakes his head, “I’m sure that’s not true. It’s not your fault that your parents got divorced.”

He tugs on his bangs and then pushes his floppy hair out of his face. “Like you said, it’s one thing to tell yourself that. And another to actually believe it. I wrapped myself in layers of expectation about that. Like, if I was the perfect child that things would be fixed. Maybe they would love me more. Love each other again. I got perfect grades, did as many extracurriculars as possible. Got into a prestigious school on scholarship. Not full scholarship though, which almost kept me from going.”

Yoongi nods, silent.

“It was like a vicious cycle. I kept trying to prove myself to my mom, who would only criticize everything I did, and my dad, who didn’t even care. Just gave me the money to go and told me to succeed—” he breathes sharply.

Yoongi feels the words pierce his chest. That kind of burden isn’t fair on anybody. Jungkook sniffles. Yoongi pushes more napkins across the bar to him, and Jungkook takes them. Wiping his nose. Another to pat his wet eyes.

Jungkook is silent for a long time.

Yoongi sits with him through it.

Finally, Jungkook speaks.

“I started photography because I hated biomedical engineering.” He stops. His voice is thick.

“Well. I don’t blame you. Biomedical engineering sounds like it fucking sucks.” Yoongi quips quietly, under his breath.

Jungkook chokes out a weak laugh. “Yeah. It really does. I only…I didn’t want to disappoint my dad. He expected so much more of me in college. I didn’t want college to end, because even though I was studying something I didn’t really care about, at least I wasn’t out there in the real world. Dealing with the consequences of not knowing what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go yet.”

He sighs. “But now, I am. I’m home with my mom, and she drives me up the wall with how insane she is. Constantly telling me to get a proper job. Get a proper life and a girlfriend…All that. Success bullshit. She constantly—” he heaves “—tells me I’m a failure. Doesn’t say it, but she implies it. And I haven’t. I haven’t even heard from my dad since moving back here.”

Yoongi sucks in a breath. It’s a lot. He can see the weight on Jungkook’s shoulders. How it depresses into his spine, into his soul. His heart beats in his chest, loud and angry like it’s trying to jump out, trying to leap across the space between them.

“That’s why I envy you, Yoongi. I want to be able to live like you. Independent. Without expectation. Without failure. Without…” his voice cracks, “all this guilt.”

Yoongi sees now, why Jungkook had put so much on him, had preconceived notions about him. Because he has a stable job, his own home, separation from the people in his life that were, for Jungkook, weighing him down like stones. Heavy, suffocating, dragging him down to the bottom of the ocean.

He stands up, coming around the bar for the second time. Pulls up the stool next to Jungkook and holds out his arms. Jungkook collapses into them in a heartbeat, tiny hiccuped sobs wrack his body as he buries his face into Yoongi’s neck.

Yoongi wraps an arm around Jungkook’s waist, very narrow and trim. Brings another up to his nape, stroking delicately. And truly, he is at a loss for words. This is a kind of pain that he cannot comment on, it’s not his place. He tries to imagine what that could feel like, feeling insufficient your entire life. Parents are people you spend your entire life looking up to. They’re the people that are supposed to love you unconditionally, above anyone and everyone else. When that love feels conditional...when you feel like you have to prove yourself to them... But he’s never had that same…weight. His parents had been hard on him. He’d never…craved their approval.

They hold each other that Tuesday night inside the bar, as the clouds rumble to life, flashes of silvery white light illuminating the window. Thunder, and then rain, releasing from the sky in sorrow.

≈

The next morning Yoongi wakes up on his couch, stiff, but sweating because the air conditioning doesn’t work that well and it’s still summer. He goes through the usual routine of making coffee, beans in the grinder, water on the stove. Boiling, cup, filter. The earthy coffee aroma floats up through his nostrils, settling sharp in his brain. He pours the coffee over the grounds, watches as the brown powder bubbles up with water, begins to seep through the cup.

“Could you make me a cup, too?”

Yoongi, still holding the kettle over the filter, turns. “Hm? Oh, sure.”

He looks away immediately, reaches for an extra cup. His cheeks heat up. Jungkook is standing shirtless in the doorway between the bedroom and the main room, where his couch and TV and half-coffee table half-dining table are all crammed, just behind the divider between the kitchen and the opposite window. His body looks incredible and Yoongi refuses to think about it.

He hears Jungkook move around behind him. “Do…you know where my shirt went?”

“Um. I have no clue. Maybe you left it in the bathroom?” Jungkook pads away, probably to check the bathroom. Yoongi sighs. This isn’t good for his heart. Jungkook had better find his shirt soon or he’ll have a real heart attack.

“I found it! I left it on the bathroom floor behind the door. Dunno why.”

Yoongi sets down the kettle. Waits for more coffee to drip through into the second cup, then lifts off the filter. Puts it in the sink. He brings the two steaming cups over to the coffee table. Jungkook reemerges with his shirt on, thankfully fully clothed. They settle down on the plush carpet, leaning back against the couch.

“Uh, milk? Sugar?”

Jungkook nods. “Both. Copious amounts.”

Yoongi smiles and retrieves them. He sips his coffee black while he watches Jungkook dump spoonfuls of sugar into the coffee. Then add milk all the way up to the brim. He’d left a couple of inches of space just in case. It no longer looks like coffee, more like a milky beige mess. But Yoongi doesn’t say anything.

“I can feel you judging me. I thought you said you were trying to get better about not judging people.”

“I’m not!” Yoongi huffs out over his coffee.

“I can literally feel it from your eyes on my coffee. You think this is terrible and, quite frankly you’re wrong. That hellcup in your hands is what’s wrong, if I’m being honest.” Yoongi is thrown back to the very first day, the first conversation he had with Jungkook, where he had stubbornly insisted that four and a half years versus five years made all of the difference between being called a kid.

Yoongi chuckles to himself. Jungkook grins, lopsided and cheeky. He sips his coffee and hums happily at the taste. Yoongi is baffled but…happy. That Jungkook seems to have returned to his cheerful self.

Last night was. Rough. It had rained very hard, and Yoongi insisted that Jungkook come back to his place because it was much closer and he had an umbrella the two of them could share. Jungkook had—in a moment of vulnerability? Yoongi wonders—accepted. Yoongi let Jungkook take his bed, while he remained on the couch. Perhaps he’d lost his shirt last night due to the heat? He scratches his neck. He really needs to get his air conditioning unit checked.

Yoongi really hadn’t…thought through the consequences of having Jungkook over. They hadn’t shared the bed or even really touched each other beyond the hug that Yoongi had held him in, or the gentle strokes to his floppy dark hair as Jungkook fell asleep in his bed.

But, he’s staring at the consequences right now. Sat directly in front of him. The lines of the bedsheet imprinted on his face. Eyes puffy, sleepy and a little bit red. His hair is ruffled and fluffy, not it’s usual collected floppy composure. It looks mussed. Yoongi wants to slam his head against the table for liking how it looks.

“Yoongi, are you okay?”

Yoongi pulls himself out of his reverie. Since when did he...have reveries about men that were sitting right in front of him? He tries not to think about what this development might mean. “Sorry, just thinking about stuff.”

“No, it’s good. I was just saying thank you for letting me crash last night. And for being there for me. I hope I didn’t make things weird and awkward between us,” Jungkook, still holding his mug, uses his other hand to tug through his hair anxiously. “Are we good?”

“Of course, Jungkook.” Yoongi smiles tightly. “I want to be here for you. That’s what friends are for?”

“Right.” Jungkook smiles back, shyly. “Friends.” He looks around, fixating on the window in front of them. “Wow, your view of the ocean is amazing.”

“Thanks. It’s...the reason I’m still living in this tiny place. This view is my favorite.”

“I can see why. It’s stunning…just like...” He trails off, glancing between the golden sand, rolling green waves, and Yoongi’s face. Yoongi doesn’t catch those last two words, still mesmerized by the pull of the tide. Every day it takes his breath away, he can’t get enough of it.

And the conversation ends there. Yoongi offers to make his breakfast, but Jungkook just shakes his head and says he should head home because his mom was texting him where he was. He sounds a bit distant, a bit urgent, and Yoongi wonders if something is up, or if he said something wrong.

Jungkook backs away from the door. Smiling at the last moment, sunny and happy. “Thank you, for everything, Yoongi!” He waves to Jungkook, who begins to jog away down the street. His worries ease with that smile burned into his memory.

The rest of the day passes without incident, from him doing chores to grocery shopping. Going for a small walk along the ocean. Then coming home to shower and head to the bar. It’s Wednesday and the fishermen are expecting him to be there to pour him their beers, as usual for Wednesdays. Except, this Wednesday feels lighter and easier than every other Wednesday Yoongi has had for the past five years.

≈

Yoongi doesn’t see Jungkook again until the weekend on Sunday when things are slowing down in the bar. He’s just about to start cleaning up and closing. He walks in and he looks beautiful. Effortless. His dark floppy hair looks trimmed and restyled to part more in the center than before. The close shave on the sides makes his jaw look even more square and cut. Yoongi swallows.

Jungkook sits down at the stool and says. “So my birthday is coming up.” Yoongi blinks.

“When is your birthday?”

“September first.”

Yoongi’s mouth drops open. That’s tomorrow. “That’s tomorrow!”

Jungkook nods. “I know. I’ll finally be a whole four years younger than you. Instead of five.” He rolls his eyes.

“Are you celebrating?”

Jungkook tugs his hair, “Well…that’s kind of why I’m here. I was hoping we could do something? No pressure. I dunno if you already have plans.”

Yoongi scoffs. “I never have plans.”

“Great! Then, will you celebrate my birthday with me?” His request comes with shining eyes and a slightly pouting face. It’s freaking adorable and makes his heart stutter.

Yoongi nods dumbly. “Okay. Sure.”

Jungkook deflates. “You could at least look a little excited.”

“Oh sorry.” Yoongi forces a grin. “I’m so excited!” He raises his hands in fists, waves them around in pseudo celebration to satisfy Jungkook.

He squints at him. “I’m not convinced. But I won’t torture you anymore. That smile is creepy.”

Yoongi drops it, offended. “Can I help you today? I’m kind of just about to close up.”

Jungkook looks around, realizing the bar is empty. “Wait…Oh. It’s Sunday. Do you guys close earlier on Sundays?”

Yoongi nods. “And we’re closed Mondays. In case you weren’t aware.”

Jungkook's eyes light up, his face breaks into a smile. His nose gets that cute scrunch in it, and his teeth are blinding. Yoongi feels winded. “That means you have tomorrow off! So I can have you for the whole day. My whole day!”

Yoongi frowns. “I didn’t say—”

“Please? We’re friends right?” Right.

“Right.” Yoongi smiles genuinely this time. It’s the least he can do, to humor the kid who has somehow nestled his way into Yoongi’s thoughts and settled there like a tiny beacon he can never ignore. “So. Do you want a drink? Or nah?”

Jungkook thinks and then nods, sitting up against the counter. “I’m still trying to figure out my ‘usual’. Can you make me something yummy?”

“Hm. Something sweet, yummy…” Yoongi thinks. He pulls the rum off the shelf along with blue curaçao, coconut cream, pineapple juice. He sets up an iced glass. Dumps the ingredients, with a little extra pineapple juice, with ice into a blender. Blends it until it’s slushy and teal, pour into chilled glass. Adds a small pile of maraschino cherries with a miniature umbrella.

“This is a frozen Blue Hawaiian. A remix of the piña colada, but citrusy. Let me know what you think.” He sets down a tall slushy blue-green drink with a small mountain of bright red on the counter.

Jungkook’s eyes are wide, “Is it supposed to be that green?” He sips it. “Wow! How come it looks so green? But it tastes like citrus.”

“Um,” Yoongi scratches his neck. “I made it that way on purpose. So it looks blue-green. Like the ocean.”

Jungkook smiles. “Wow. It is. I love the green ocean.” Yoongi knows. He looks up at Yoongi and they hold prolonged eye contact. Jungkook’s eyes are wide and dark, his lips are parted. A couple locks of his hair swoosh across his forehead and it makes Yoongi’s heart clench painfully. He feels like Jungkook is staring into his soul. Can he see the fondness in Yoongi’s eyes?

Yoong looks away and clears his throat. “So...how are things back home?”

“It’s fine. My mother is...relentless. I know she wants what is best for me, but she doesn’t really do a good job, um. Showing it?”

Yoongi hums. “Parents are like that sometimes. My parents are always telling me what’s best for me. It’s gotten to the point where I just tune her out.”

Jungkook chuckles. “I’d feel bad if I did that all the time. I know she loves me. But she says a lot of shitty stuff.” He sounds conflicted, and Yoongi sympathizes with him. It’s not easy to listen to the people you’ve spent your whole life learning from and looking up to verbally tearing down and criticizing your every flaw.

“Is she still pressuring you to find a girlfriend?”

“Uh, not so much right now because she knows I ‘just’ broke up with Jieun...and it’s easier to pretend to be sad about it than to tell her I wasn’t that into it in the first place and have her force me into something else.”

Yoongi nods. “So telling her about yourself is out of the question?”

Jungkook bites his lip. “Um. Not necessarily...but I want to tell her when I have something to show for myself. Or else she’ll freak out, and tell me I’m a failure all over again which. I’ve heard enough times already.” Yoongi winces. Jungkook picks up his Blue Hawaiian, taking another long slurp.

“What do you mean by that? Something to show for yourself?”

“I want to be able to support myself by then. In case I have to move out. I’m not sure she’d kick me out...but you never know. I want to have something stable. Like you, passions are kind of beside the point for me. Other than photography, which is more of a hobby at this point.”

“I thought you said it was a self-made business?”

Jungkook cringes. “It’s...it was my excuse for dropping BME. I thought that some training in photography would put me somewhere else, might help my indecisiveness after college. Maybe spark my passion, because it was something I was interested in.”

Yoongi nods. Jungkook continues rambling.

“But um...nothing really panned out. That and...I had a falling out with my friends back in the city. Not a big argument or anything. They just...kept going forwards with their lives and I kinda just stopped. So I came home. It’s hard to keep up with them and talk to them when they also ask you how you’re doing too. What was I supposed to tell them? I hated everything I had studied, I failed at making photography anything of itself, and I didn’t care enough to start a career? I’m living at home with my over-controlling mother?” He shakes his head. His eyebrows are pinched together in frustration and each question comes out more depressed and agitated than the last.

“If I accept myself as I really am, like you say, Yoongi. Then it would be as someone who has no passions, no dream. Who was given all of the opportunities to succeed, and still managed to fail. It’s not exactly something to feel confident or proud of,” he says it sourly, glaring down at his hands.

Yoongi leans forward on the counter, hands clasped together. “Jungkook, look at me. Hey, look at me. I’m serious. I accept you, Jungkook. I accept you as Jungkook. Smart, kind, wonderful friend, Jungkook. Photographer Jungkook. Emotional Jungkook. Dreamless, passionless Jungkook. Jungkook who wants independence and freedom. Jungkook, who shouldn’t be defined by success or failure, who doesn’t need to be compared to anyone else. Jungkook who deserves to live without expectation. Because existing is enough, even for you, Jungkook.”

Yoongi sighs and takes Jungkook’s hand in his. “I can’t heal your pain. But I think allowing yourself to feel that pain is the only way to work through it.” He squeezes Jungkook’s hand and it’s warm and smooth. He’s holding it to comfort Jungkook, but the way their fingers brush together is strangely reassuring.

Jungkook looks up at him, his eyes are huge and unblinking. Yoongi doesn’t know how to interpret the brownness of the depths, other than the sadness that is etched into the lines on his face. “Have you had to work through this kind of pain before?”

Yoongi can tell that Jungkook’s trying to turn the conversation on him, and he tries not to fight it. Talking about his past isn’t his favorite subject. But Jungkook is baring his whole, painful history, and Yoongi feels like it’s only fair to do the same.

Yoongi tilts his head in thought and digs deep down in the shit he’d buried. The words don’t come out easily, but they come out of necessity. He can see Jungkook’s in a constant state of battle, between the thoughts in his head. Yoongi had been there himself too. Maybe, he thinks. In some small way, these words will make a difference.

“Y’know, Jungkook, you said I had all this confidence, I’m well-spoken, I don’t hesitate. I wasn’t always like that. I was so insecure before, I was a lot like you, weighed down by my own expectations, by the pressure to be straight, have dreams and drive, pursue success. I was self-deprecating all the time. It was exhausting. I got so tired of being disappointed in myself.”

Jungkook squeezes his hand back, and his eyes are pooled with sympathy, sadness.

“Back in high school, I spent weeks, almost months, thinking and thinking. Being mad at the world. Mad at myself. Thinking about how I wanted things to change. How I felt like things were spiraling out of control. And I cried a lot. I had to accept that life wasn’t...what I had hoped it would be. It was painful...to acknowledge that fear. But, working through that pain made it easier to accept myself.

“And eventually it made it easier to pursue the singular goal I had given myself, independence.” His voice is low and rumbling. The more he talks, the easier it gets. But he’s still tense, wondering if Jungkook is even listening, if Jungkook even cares. If it’s too much. He’s afraid to look at Jungkook because Jungkook’s eyes are all too familiar, a reflection of the young, wounded self he was, all those years ago.

“I didn’t...know you went through that. It feels a lot like what I’m going through now,” Jungkook admits quietly. “Thank you for telling me that. It makes me feel…uh...” Jungkook flounders for a word, mouth hanging open. His words are sincere, and Yoongi’s heart quakes under the warmth that sincerity provides.

Yoongi chuckles softly. “Understood? Less alone? Isn’t that what friends are for?”

Jungkook closes his mouth, smiling softly back. “Yeah. That is what friends are for. Thank you. Yoongi, for being my friend. I think it'll take some time to...work through the pain, but I want to try.”

“Of course. And...there’s no rush. Take all the time you need.”

They sit in silence. Jungkook is still holding his hand and Yoongi is astounded at how warm it feels, radiating comfort and tranquility. He swallows.

“Do—do you wanna finish your drink? I can close up and we can continue this conversation down by the boardwalk...if you want?” Yoongi withdraws slightly, giving an awkward, hopeful look at Jungkook.

Jungkook smiles back, and nods. “That sounds good.” He takes the Blue Hawaiian and drinks the rest, leaving a few cherries behind this time. “Sorry, I got too full to finish the cherries.” He grimaces and places the bills on the counter for the drink.

Yoongi hums, collecting the money and starting to clean up the drink. “Don’t worry about it.” He does a final wipe down of the bar top, brings the rack of dirty dishes and puts them in the dishwasher. He does a quick count of the register, which he had already almost completed by the time Jungkook walked in. He goes around to the bar, shutting off the lights and grabbing his keys and his wallet that he’d placed off to the side while working.

“Okay, let’s go.” Jungkook walks out first and Yoongi follows, locking up the doors behind him.

They step out into the evening air and the sun has sunk below the horizon but things are still semi-lit by the road lights. They start to make their way down the street, in the direction of the stairs leading down to the beach.

Yoongi exhales at the ground, then says, “I don’t...think my struggles are exactly the same as yours, you know. I didn’t have the weight of my parents’ expectations, only my own. I didn’t listen to my parents, most of the time, which is probably why. They nagged a lot, but they just wanted me to be happy. I think...adding parents creates a whole other layer of...difficulty.”

Jungkook frowns. “I know.”

He shakes his head. “I can’t imagine that kind of weight. You’re really...strong Jungkook, for getting through that.” Yoongi clears his throat and pushes a hand through his hair, feeling a bit soiled and damp from the humidity lifting off of the ocean.

Jungkook pauses, frowning deeper. “Well. I’m not exactly through it yet, I’m not sure if I ever will. It’s not like my parents will suddenly change, or stop being my parents. They’re always going to be there…”

Yoongi stops and turns to Jungkook, who stops too, eyes widening. “I think, Jungkook. That you’re already beginning to feel your pain. You might not be on the other end right away, but you’re getting there.”

“It’s thanks to your help.” Jungkook’s lips pull into a small smile, casting him a glance as they continue, turning down the staircase that leads to the beachfront. His floppy hair is pushed around by the wind, and it’s captivating, but Yoongi eventually tears his eyes away. He focuses instead on the sound of the waves rolling up on the shore.

“No,” Yoongi shakes his head as they begin down the stairs. “It’s all you. I’m just here, talking about my opinions and my experiences like I always do. You’ll get through this though, and you’ll move onto become someone that you can learn to accept, to love.”

Jungkook chuckles sadly, “And what about you? Have you reached that stage yet?”

Yoongi shifts uncomfortably, descending step after step, Jungkook matching him. “I’ve become someone that I have learned to accept. The love part is taking time. There are things about me...I haven’t worked through yet.”

They’ve reached the bottom of the stairs, stepping onto the boardwalk. They veer to the left and begin to make their way down the path, away from the town center.

Jungkook hums. “Are you...talking about your ex?”

“Maybe…”

Jungkook bites his lip as he glances over at Yoongi. He can sense the question mark between Jungkook’s furrowed brows, like he wants to say something but doesn’t know exactly what. The boardwalk lights are short, faint lamps not a foot off the ground, illuminating the path as it curves along the beach. As darkness truly settles and the moonlight shimmers against the ocean, the little lamps bob like floating bursts of light through a sea of black.

“You don’t have to say stuff or anything. I know it’s personal. I’m just curious, I guess. How long...did you guys date?”

Yoongi breathes out. “About two years. We had recently celebrated our second anniversary when stuff...came up. We had our problems before that though.”

“I remember you telling me that he wanted to leave and you didn’t. Is that...what you’re talking about?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi replies calmly. It feels weird talking about it now, with Jungkook, oddly intimate. But, surprisingly, he doesn’t feel as uncomfortable opening up to Jungkook as he thought he would. “He was gonna move out of town and wanted me to come with him. But at that time I had the bar, I finally had my own flat. He wanted me to give all that up...for him. And when I didn’t, he accused me of not loving him, or lying about my feelings all along. Like I was trying to keep him tied here.” Yoongi can feel his eyes on him, but his voice is quivering and he fears that looking into Jungkook’s eyes might break the dam that is straining inside his chest right now.

“Which you probably weren’t,” Jungkook prompts. They continue to walk, the gentle rush of the ocean, washing against them, flooding into their silence.

“I didn’t think I was. But...I couldn’t leave. He made it my fault that things weren’t working. He told me, said that not being willing to give up everything for him was basically me not loving him. And that hurt, it hurts when someone you love accuses you of that. And then leaves like you didn’t mean anything to them in the first place.” His voice drops to a whisper. He hasn’t thought about these things in a long time. It hurts much less now. His chest still gets suffocating and tight thinking about that moment though, the way those words had cut right through Yoongi’s heart.

Jungkook makes a soft noise and fidgets beside him. “I’m sorry,” he whispers eventually.

Yoongi smiles at Jungkook, albeit sadly. “It just proved that point to myself, that I knew I wasn’t ready, we weren’t ready for that. Even if someone asked me to leave today, I still wouldn’t. This is my home.”

Jungkook tilts his head. “How come?”

“I have no desire to leave. I love the ocean. This town is my home,” he repeats, looking at his feet as he walks, step by step.

Jungkook doesn’t ask him for more of an explanation and he appreciates that. They walk in silence for another couple minutes. Yoongi sighs out tight, cramped puffs of air. Gulping down the fresh salty wind. He tries to meditate on the breaths, dial down the painfully rapid whirring inside his brain. He focuses on the ocean. Inhale, exhale.

“How come you got that tattoo? The um, the waves with the dragon?” Jungkook changes the direction of the conversation.

Yoongi laughs quietly. “Because they remind me to let go of...a past self, I guess.”

“A past self?”

Yoongi flushes, and he hopes Jungkook can’t see it in the darkness. “I realized I was gay in high school. And I...think I read about a witch who transformed into a dragon to get revenge on someone who wronged her in Japanese mythology. The dragon felt like a representation of transformation. I really liked the style. It was meaningful, even if I got it a bit impulsively.” He laughs and it feels a little forced. If Jungkook notices he doesn’t say anything. Their voices get carried along by the breeze that floats up from the ocean.

“That’s honestly more thought out than I was expecting…”

“What? Did you think I was gonna be getting it cuz ‘dragons represent fierceness’ or some dumb shit like that?”

Jungkook laughs, “Kinda. I’m surprised by the mythology aspect. I mean, you were in high school and you were basically a rebel...Ha...” Yoongi shoots him a miffed glare but he can’t find it in him to be actually offended, not when Jungkook’s giggling so bashfully like that.

“I can’t believe you think that lowly of me. I didn’t make the decision that lightly.”

“I believe that now. You sure do keep surprising me, Yoongi.”

Yoongi raises his eyebrows at him, “I’m not sure why though, where do you get these preconceived notions about me?”

Jungkook shrugs, still smiling. “I guess I was seeing you through a rose-colored lens for a while. But I’m so glad to be learning more about the real you instead. That’s so much better than the Yoongi I had imagined in my head…” He trails off, casting a shy glance at Yoongi.

Yoongi latches onto it, even though Jungkook looks apprehensive. “And what kind of Yoongi was that? Hm?”

Jungkook runs his hand through his hand, sighing dramatically. “I knew you were gonna ask. The question is, do I lie and protect my dignity, or do I tell you the truth and make myself look foolish?”

“I’m wounded, I thought this friendship was founded on honesty only.”

Jungkook pouts, “Fine. I thought you were straight because you and your friend, Namjoon right? Well, you guys hung out with a lot of pretty girls and rumor went around that you guys had a lot of...flings. I guess. I thought you...were wise and didn’t let shit get to you. It was really easy to admire you and envy you because of that. Now that I’ve learned more about you though...it feels like...Well. It’s not that I don’t admire you. But, I definitely view you differently now.”

Yoongi raises his eyebrows. “How do you view me now, then?”

Jungkook flounders. “Uh, hm. Like...a really good friend?” Yoongi’s hopes fall a little at that response. He wasn’t sure what he was hoping for. He pushes away the disappointment before it can cling and fester inside his chest.

“Oh. Well...me too.” He says lamely.

“I want to know more of you, Yoongi.” Jungkook’s looking at him, hopeful and bright. “Will you share more of yourself with me?”

Yoongi scratches his neck awkwardly. The last time he had given himself to someone...well. He isn’t sure what Jungkook is implying here, but something flares up in his chest that makes his throat tight to imagine it. “Like what.”

Jungkook thinks for a moment. “Then...what’s your type?”

Yoongi fumbles for a moment with the question. “W-what why are you asking that kind of question all of a sudden?”

“I’m just curious, don’t take it too seriously!” Jungkook answers quickly, and Yoongi reels at the words. Okay.

“Well...I haven’t dated in like...four or five years so. I haven’t really thought about my type. I also haven’t dated enough to have a type? But probably someone similar to me...who understands me. Someone...who won’t leave me.”

Jungkook nods softly. “Those are a given. You deserve someone that will stay by your side. Fuck that guy.”

They’re both silent for a bit.

“Have you...um dated after him?”

Yoongi inhales. “No. I haven’t.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything more about it. He asks a different question altogether.

“What do you like to do for fun? Around town?”

Yoongi glances over, surprised. “Oh, um. That’s a good question. Most of the time I like to stay home. I like cooking. But uh, I also like playing pool, you know at that tiny rec center in town.”

Jungkook nods eagerly. “I know exactly the one.” His floppy hair, slightly frizzled by the saltiness in the breeze, fluffs around him.

“There’s only one,” he says.

“Exactly,” Jungkook grins.

Yoongi laughs, his chest expands with something airy and light, like giddy happiness whenever Jungkook does something silly and cute.

“So pool. Do you like picnics? I like picnics. There’s also that great board game cafe. Have you been there?”

Yoongi purses his lips. “No, I don’t think I’ve been. What the heck. No one told me there was a board game cafe. That sounds fun.” He pouts. Namjoon hadn’t told him in their monthly text updates to each other?

Jungkook giggles. “Well, I’m telling you now.”

“And yeah,” Yoongi says absently. “I do like picnics. They’re really cute.”

Jungkook beams. “I’m glad you think so.”

They keep walking, and Yoongi checks his phone. “Oh shit, it’s almost ten, we should probably start walking back.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen and he nods in agreement. “Dang I hadn’t realized it had gotten so late so fast. It was eight like two seconds ago.”

“Me neither.” Yoongi shakes his head. “Time is weird sometimes.”

Jungkook smiles. “It flies when you’re having fun! Or...when you’re with someone who makes conversation so easy. Like you.”

Yoongi smiles back, shy and awkward. “That’s true, I guess. Talking with you does feel easy. I don’t think I’ve talked this much with someone...about all this stuff before. Except for maybe Namjoon. And it took us like ten years to talk about all this stuff.”

Jungkook giggles. “Maybe it’s a sign.”

“A sign?” Yoongi tilts his head.

“Y’know. Like a sign…” Jungkook’s giving him a look that Yoongi really can’t interpret.

“Huh?” He feels dumb because Jungkook is clearly implying something but he doesn’t get it. “That we’re good conversationalists?”

Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief. “Nevermind. That’s not what I meant but it doesn’t matter.”

Yoongi shrugs and lets it go. Whatever. The ocean air feels fresh, and each breath washes down into his lungs, comfortable. Salty.

The ocean has always reminded Yoongi of life, repetitive yet ever-changing. It exists without reason, it holds growth and comfort, death and renewal. It waits for no one, unrelenting. Yoongi loves the ocean, in a different way than he will ever love life. He loves it because it is always there, calming, lulling, patient. Sometimes stormy and terrifying, but every night, he falls asleep to the sound of the waves crashing to shore. And how could he ever want to leave that?

They make their way back towards town, and up the stairs that lead back up to the main elevation for the rest of the town. They part ways at the top, Yoongi going away from town, past the bar and up the hill, Jungkook going towards town, to where? Yoongi doesn’t exactly know.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jungkook asks right before Yoongi turns to go.

He smiles at Jungkook, close-lipped but promising. “Yes, see you tomorrow, Jungkook.”

“See ya, Yoongi!” Jungkook walks backwards a couple of steps down the sidewalk, waves, and then turns and sprints away.

Yoongi laughs to himself, shaking his head, and goes home. Strange, strange kid.

≈

They hadn’t really discussed the details of Jungkook’s birthday, but Yoongi wakes up earlier in the morning than he normally does, which is normally around lunchtime, just in case Jungkook texts him with details. He doesn’t want to accidentally miss it. They had exchanged numbers last night as they were walking back upon Jungkook’s request. It made sense, and they were friends now anyways. So it isn’t weird...that he has almost unlimited access to Jungkook now, rather than having to wait for him to come to the bar to talk.

Jungkook doesn’t text him until around 11 am in the morning. Hey yoongi, it’s jungkook. I was hoping we could meet here for lunch, at like 12:30?? And following the message is a maps location. It’s on the other side of town, further up the hill the other way, close to the coast. Yoongi vaguely remembers there being a park over there. The town is small, but he’s a person of habit, and the park isn’t really a place he usually goes.

He texts back a quick sure, sounds good and sets down his phone to begin to get ready for the day. He makes himself coffee and mid-pour realizes that he hadn’t gotten Jungkook a birthday gift. He frowns, does Jungkook want one? Does he expect one? He’s not really a gift giver. He wonders what Jungkook would want, if he did want a gift.

He puts on his usual choice of an oversized black t-shirt, some dark jeans, and a light windbreaker. Slips on his shoes and is out the door, on time. While he’s strolling down into town, he passes by an art and crafts and printing shop, when an idea occurs to him. He ducks inside just to see, and leaves ten minutes later, running late but clutching a bag, feeling satisfied.

When he finally makes it to the park, he sees Jungkook right away. It’s a small park, located at the top of a little cliff, overlooking the town and the shoreline. There are a couple of winding walking paths around the edge of the cliff, and a fountain in the middle. The grass up here is bright green and happy, swaying in the winds spiraling around the cliff, probably enjoying the rain after a particularly hot summer. There are park benches scattered here and there about the paths, but not many people are here.

Jungkook spots him and waves, and beckons Yoongi over. He hastens to approach, noticing that Jungkook is standing over a small blanket spread out on the grass. A tote bag with a bunch of food, and some water. A picnic.

“Hey!” Jungkook smiles at him. He’s dressed in black jeans and a loose, blue-striped button down shirt. It looks silky and the ribbons added decoratively around the collar flutter in the wind. The first couple buttons are open, drawing Yoongi’s eyes right to Jungkook’s clavicles, he looks at the picnic instead.

Yoongi’s mouth drops open at the display. “What is all of this?”

“A picnic?”

“Yeah, I can see that. Why are we having a picnic? It’s your birthday, happy birthday by the way, shouldn’t I be like treating you to fancy lunch or something?” He squints.

“Thanks! And nah, I wanted to do something lowkey, and my mom made me a bunch of birthday food before she left for work. So I thought I’d pack it up and share. With you. She’s a really good cook.” Jungkook settles down on the blanket, pulling out containers with an assortment of foods, pasta and meatballs, garlic bread, a container of fruit, some kimchi fried rice, and more.

“Wow, this is incredible. I’m...honored that I get to eat your mom’s food. It looks delicious.” Yoongi’s mouth is watering. He’d forgone breakfast because he wasn’t sure if Jungkook was going to ask him out for brunch, and didn’t want to ruin his appetite. He sits down beside Jungkook, as Jungkook uncovers all of the dishes.

“Oh good! Let’s eat. I’m starving.” Jungkook hands him a fork and a pair of chopsticks, and Yoongi goes for the chopsticks. They dig into the food, and Yoongi makes sure to compliment each of Mrs. Jeon’s dishes.

After they’ve eaten their fill and commented on the lovely view of the town from up here. Yoongi remembers his gift. He hands it over to Jungkook.

“Here. I forgot to get you a gift, but I came across this on the way here, which is why I was a little bit late. Sorry about that. I...thought you’d like it because you like photography. Sorry, it’s kind of lame and not high tech. But I’ve heard the vintage look is in now.”

Jungkook takes the gift, pulling the object out of the bag. It’s a disposable film camera, 35 mm film, 27 shots. Jungkook’s face breaks into an elated smile, looking up at Yoongi. “Wow, this is. Really thoughtful. You didn’t have to get me anything. I love film photos. Thank you, Yoongi. I mean it. Thank you.”

Yoongi smiles back, relieved that Jungkook likes it. Jungkook lifts the camera, cranking the little wheel until it locks. He lifts the viewfinder to his eye, pointing it out, off the cliff across the shore, and snaps a photo. Yoongi follows his gaze, getting lost in the view.

There is another click. Yoongi looks over. Jungkook’s pointing the camera at him. He lowers the camera to his lap.

“Did you just take a photo of me?” His mouth parts in surprise.

Jungkook smiles and nods. “Is that okay? Sorry. I won’t show it to you, just for me. But you just looked...so peaceful and like...serene. I had to capture it. I’m sorry.”

Yoongi shakes his head. “It’s okay. I don’t...mind, I guess. But you only have twenty-seven shots. Don’t waste them on me.”

Jungkook looks down at the camera, twirling it between his fingers. And Yoongi barely catches it over the whistle of the wind, “Well it wouldn’t be a waste, even if they were all of you.”

Yoongi chooses to ignore it, looking back at the rippling waters.

His stomach drops, but his heart feels weirdly full.

They sit there for a little while longer while Jungkook takes more photos, of the view, the park, and of Yoongi. He tries not to blush whenever he feels Jungkook turn the small plastic camera towards him, but it’s hard not to feel like he’s being put on the spot. After Jungkook seems to have taken all the photos he wanted, they begin to pack up the picnic.

“This was really nice. Uhm.” Yoongi isn’t sure what to say, isn’t sure whether Jungkook wants him to stick around or if he should make his departure now and return to the safety of his home.

Jungkook’s smile falters. “Do you want to go home? I was hoping we could...go to the rec center and play pool...and then maybe check out the board game cafe. Only if you want to though.” He looks hopeful but his body language shows him curling in on himself, shy.

“I’d love to,” Yoongi exhales, relieved.

On their way back towards town, Jungkook stops in a neighborhood area and turns, bringing Yoongi to his house, where he leaves his tote bag full of empty containers. They continue to stroll back into town. Somehow the discussion of high school teachers comes up, and Yoongi and Jungkook compare notes on their eccentric calculus teacher, whom Yoongi thought was a complete wackjob, but whenever he sees him around town tries not to cringe when waving back. Jungkook thought he was hilarious and inspired his understanding of maths, much better than any of the other algebra teachers. He was one of those kids that completed the extra credit for class by bringing their problem set to prom photo shoots.

Yoongi isn’t sure if he’s surprised or not that Jungkook went to prom, and then he wonders with whom Jungkook even went to prom. But rationalizes to himself before he blurts the words out, that it isn’t really any of his business, and doesn’t really matter anyway.

When they get to the rec center, they pay for an hour at the pool tables and get a table in the back.

Jungkook grins excitedly at him. “I dunno if you know this, but I’m pretty competitive, so prepare to lose!”

Yoongi snorts, “Okay.” He’s not too bad himself, but he doesn’t say it just yet. When they set up the balls, Yoongi breaks and sinks two stripes immediately. Jungkook’s jaw drops.

“I’m sure that was just lucky,” he mutters, looking a little shaken, eyes narrowing. Yoongi snickers and positions himself against the table, leaning down to strike another striped ball into the corner hole. He moves around the table again but fails to pocket the fourth ball. When he straightens, Jungkook’s not looking at the table, but somewhere—

“Your turn,” Yoongi says. Jungkook’s eyes shoot up to his face, mouth slack.

“Huh?”

Yoongi squints at him. “I said it’s your turn.”

Jungkook nods dumbly. “My turn,” he repeats. Yoongi watches as the gears creak to life in Jungkook’s brain. “My turn! Right! Wait—how many balls did you get already?”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “I got three, were you not paying attention?”

“I was! Just...testing you,” he mumbles, before setting himself up at the table, bending forward to aim at a solid. Yoongi watches his form, it’s good but a little awkward, his eyes travel the lines of Jungkook’s torso, stretched over the table. Yoongi remembers Jungkook’s torso, vividly. Lines and everything. Then his eyes slide down...and Yoongi tears away before they go any further. That’s enough of that. He has a game to win.

Jungkook pockets two solid balls before missing the third and Yoongi only rubs it in a little bit. Because, as non-competitive as he is, it feels pretty damn good to be ahead of a self-proclaimed winner.

They spend the entire hour going neck and neck at the pool table, with Yoongi nearly taking a victory, only to be beaten by pure luck on Jungkook’s side. The ball should have never gone in, but it did.

“I let you win,” Yoongi sniffs. “It’d be rude if I made you lose on your birthday.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes snickering. “Sure, Yoongi. You’re just sour that a rookie pool player beat you.”

“I respectfully disagree,” he bites back. Jungkook laughs and Yoongi notices the way his mouth forms a half moon, like a capital D, the way laughter changes his angular face into soft crinkles under his eyes and puffy cheeks.

They stop at a coffee shop, where Jungkook orders his favorite tea, a peach green tea and Yoongi gets an iced americano. Jungkook wrinkles his nose at his choice, which is no surprise.

“I didn’t know you like peaches,” Yoongi comments, after Jungkook collects their orders and they find a little table with cute armchairs to plop down in.

“Yeah, this tea is perfect. Not too bitter, just the right amount of fruity and sweet.” Jungkook lifts the cup to his nose and sniffs, ah-ing at the aroma. “It’s so soothing. Reminds me of fall, and warm, cuddly things.”

Yoongi’s heart softens, Jungkook is really a sucker for sweet things. “Why didn’t you tell me? There are tons of peach drinks I could make you.”

Jungkook parts his lips, eyebrows shooting up. “Really?! That. That hadn’t even occurred to me. Why didn’t I do that.” He frowns.

Yoongi shrugs. “Next time you come in, I’ll make you a peach drink.”

Jungkook smiles tentatively. “Yeah, that’d be perfect. Although, all the other drinks you made weren’t bad, y’know.”

Yoongi shrugs, picking up his iced americano for a sip. “I know. I’m just trying to help you figure out your usual...it’s life’s biggest mystery yet,” he chuckles.

Jungkook also chuckles, albeit unconvincingly. “I thought you might’ve figured it out by now?” He shakes his head and shrugs.

Yoongi doesn’t really get what he’s talking about. He’s about to say something when Jungkook quickly changes the discussion to games, which games they should play to maximize their three-hour playing window, which is the amount of time they’re allotted. Yoongi suggests some of the classics like Monopoly, Sorry, Life, but he can’t really think of any more. Jungkook shakes his head to every single one, shooting them down with “that’s a four-player game, no good” and “we’ll never finish it or it will end in a blood bath” which Yoongi agrees is a fair reason to steer clear of Monopoly.

When they get to the board game cafe, they follow Jungkook’s game plan and start off with a game called Exploding Kittens, which immediately gets heated because Yoongi is determined to not be the first to draw an exploding kitten. He tries to steal Jungkook’s safe card only to get tricked into drawing three times in a row. And getting an exploding kitten twice.

They move onto Jenga, Connect Four, then Battleship. Yoongi loses count of the score after Jungkook insists they play a new round each time he loses. Yoongi is smug about beating Jungkook at Battleship at least.

Jungkook shakes his head. “It’s almost entirely a game of pure luck.”

Yoongi indignantly combats that with, “So is Exploding Kittens but you don’t see me whining about that.” He pouts.

“Wow, you’re cute when you pout like that, Yoongi,” Jungkook giggles. It causes Yoongi’s face to heat up, heart pounding. “You look just like one of those exploding kittens now, your face is all red and kitten-like.”

“What’s—what’s that supposed to mean?” Yoongi splutters, incredulous. Kitten-like? He has never heard that in his life. Jungkook just cackles and begins to clean up the game of Battleship, finally admitting defeat.

As dinner time comes around, Yoongi suggests going to the local Korean barbeque restaurant a couple blocks down, because he’s craving naengmyeon and hasn’t had the time to make it in forever. Jungkook agrees and they get a table, ordering a whole round of beef, pork belly, and lamb skewers. And flavored soju, because Yoongi’s not a sociopath like Jungkook, who only orders plain soju.

Dinner is delicious, they spend most of it commenting on the food, how delicious it is, and other delicious foods in general. Yoongi realizes that Jungkook hardly ever cooks, and promises him he’ll teach him how to cook some meals someday, as friends do. It’s only right that you should know how to make kimchi jjigae as a Korean descendent, Yoongi tells him. He wonders if he’s beginning to sound like his mom, because he definitely remembers listening to his mom say that to him.

And Yoongi wonders what feels different. About sitting in this crowded little restaurant, with the aunties bustling around and helping people cook their meat. The way the heat sizzles off the grill between them, enveloping them in a warped, aromatic daze of honeyed fat and caramelized onion. Caught in slow motions between two different slides of a film movie, cross-hatched and dizzy. Is this real? Has life felt this exhilarating before? Sitting across from Jungkook, laughing and talking...and maybe never wanting to stop?

Yoongi blinks his way back to reality when the stove is turned off. When he lays down his credit card and glares at Jungkook when he protests. When they stumble out onto the street, well lit in the evening, a little bit fuzzy and warm from the bottles of soju.

He takes a deep breath of salty ocean breeze. “I should head home soon,” he sighs out. “I’m stuffed. Ready to enter food coma mode.” He nods sagely.

Jungkook giggles again, for the millionth time that day, revealing those adorable teeth. “Okay. Yeah, me too. Thank you for dinner, you didn’t have to pay, I could have split.”

Yoongi shakes his head. “No, no. It’s your birthday. It’s my treat. Happy birthday, Jungkook.” He looks at Jungkook, giving him a smile. “I’m gonna head off. I’m going this way.” He jerks his head to the right, across the town square and up the opposite hill, away from the cliff where they had started their day.

“Yeah, me too. Good night Yoongi.” Jungkook crowds closer and Yoongi’s cheeks heat up.

“What—”

Jungkook pauses. “Can I get a birthday hug?” He tilts his head innocently, and Yoongi nods. Why not. Yoongi holds out his arms and Jungkook steps into them, sighing and murmuring, “Wow you still smell like bulgogi, it’s great.”

Yoongi laughs and pushes him off. “Okay, okay, good night. Jungkook. Get home safe!”

Jungkook turns to go, and Yoongi watches him leave, arm raised in farewell. And just like every time he leaves the bar, he shouts, “See you around, Yoongi!”

Yoongi smiles. His heart thumps and wobbles. They’ve come this far. But, Yoongi can’t help but wonder when it will end.

≈

Jungkook comes back into the bar on Thursday. Yoongi smiles at him when he sits down at his stool, then before he can ask for a drink, Yoongi interrupts him.

“Can I make you something with peach? I promise you’ll like it. I mean, I think you’ll like it…?”

“Okay, sure.” Jungkook leans on the counter and watches Yoongi turn to grab vodka and cranberry juice. “How was your week?”

Yoongi shrugs. He doesn’t know if he’s ready to admit that each day has become a lot more boring now that he has Jungkook’s company to compare it to. That full, lurching feeling in his stomach had caught him this week. A constant pull towards something, missing something. Like his heart was yearning for Jungkook’s face, his smile, his shy words. “Uneventful,” he goes with. He adds a dash of peach and garnishes with a shave of an orange peel. He places the pinkish-orange drink in front of Jungkook.

“What is it?”

“Sex on the Beach.”

“What?” Jungkook blushes furiously.

“The drink is called Sex on the Beach.”

He balks, “They name drinks like that?”

Yoongi snickers. “Yeah. There are more if you’re interested. There’s an orgasm...a blow job...a slippery nipple…”

“I’m good,” Jungkook squeaks. He picks up the glass gingerly, like it’s gonna jump out and flash him or something. Yoongi cackles to himself. Jungkook takes a sip, his eyes widening. “Wow, that’s actually really good.”

Yoongi smirks. “Definitely better than having actual sex on the beach, that’s for sure.”

“W—what!” Jungkook stammers. “How—how—”

Yoongi waves his hand. “I’m kidding, relax Jungkook. I’ve never had sex on the beach. I’ve just heard it sucks.” He laughs at Jungkook’s red face, his trembling lips. He’s too adorable.

“Oh. That...Okay.” Jungkook goes back to his drink, taking another long sip.

“How was your week?”

Jungkook sets down the glass and shrugs. “My mother forced me to help out the clinic for most of the week again. She’s beginning to nag me about a girlfriend again. I also sent in the photos I took of you...for this job at the portrait studio.”

Yoongi’s mouth falls open. “You sent them to the portrait studio?”

“Um, yeah. Is that okay? I sent them with my portfolio. I thought I might as well try...instead of just sitting on my butt and being lazy.” Jungkook brushes through his floppy hair, anxiously twirling a finger through the locks.

“No, no, it’s fine. I just...forgot that place existed honestly. I hope they hire you.”

Jungkook smiles hopefully. “Me too. I’d really like income.” He laughs. “I’ve been talking to some people around town, like shops and stuff. Offering them like really cheap services. I think the ahjumma at the KBBQ restaurant might put in a good word for me. I think her husband is friends with the portrait studio owner.”

Yoongi’s face breaks into a smile, matching Jungkook’s optimism. “That sounds like really good odds. It’s a small town, people like to support each other.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll be good. I’m excited.” Yoongi nods and then gets flagged down on the other end of the bar, so he goes, leaving Jungkook to sip his drink. He serves beers, collects empty glasses. Listens to Joe complain about how the storms are making it difficult to catch fish. The rainy season won’t last much longer, but fishermen like to complain about anything and everything. He finds it to be dull entertainment. Whatever floats their boat, he supposes.

When he gets back to Jungkook’s end, Jungkook is scrolling through his phone. “Dang,” he mumbles, “I just opened Instagram for like the first time in ages. It makes me feel so single, looking at all these happy couples.”

Yoongi snorts. “Does it?”

Jungkook pouts. “Does it not make you feel single to see happy couples laughing together? I miss being in a relationship. Maybe not the girl part. But the rest is pretty great.”

“I don’t really…’feel single’ in that sense.”

“Really?”

“Like, I don’t feel like I’m missing anything by not being in a relationship. I’ve kind of accepted that being single is my natural state. I like it.”

Jungkook shrugs. “Well I miss it,” he mutters. “I miss being able to cuddle with someone, and talk about feelings and stuff.”

Yoongi laughs. “Have you ever been in a serious or like, committed relationship?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean I can’t dream.”

“You’re right. But also, being in a relationship is more than just cuddling and talking about feelings.”

“I know that!” Jungkook says indignantly.

“Okay, I’m just saying.”

“Well, you don’t have to.”

“O...kay. Sure. I won’t then.” Yoongi picks up some empty glasses nearby, wiping them down.

Jungkook settles his chin in his palm, propping his elbow up on the counter. “Maybe I should start dating again. I’m not sure...where I’d start though. Should I download one of those apps?”

Yoongi rolls his eyes, something red and angry flares in his chest. “Those apps are stupid. You’re never gonna find a decent relationship from there.”

Jungkook frowns. “What do you mean?”

“They’re full of creepy older hicks who’re just trying to get in your pants. Or take advantage of your innocence.” Yoongi bites his tongue after he says those words, a tactless consequence of whatever reared in his chest just now. They just spilled out, no filter.

“My innocence?” Jungkook lifts his eyebrows. “Well, speaking as an adult, I think I have the ability to navigate the app and avoid those kinds of people. And I don’t think I need your help, Yoongi.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, sorry.” Yoongi scratches his neck, frowning to himself. He was fine a second ago, what is this terrible twisted feeling in his gut?

“It’s okay. You just sound pretty bitter…” Jungkook trails off. He leans in for another sip of his drink. “I haven’t made any decisions about anything yet anyway. You know me, indecisive as hell.”

Yoongi sighs out a small chuckle, trying to force away the tension in his stomach. “Yeah, I still don’t get that about you. You seem more decisive than you say.”

“Yeah, sometimes. It comes in waves or something. I second guess at lot. But if I commit, I commit.” Jungkook nods firmly.

Yoongi nods absently. He’s not surprised that Jungkook is so sure of himself. Before his ex, he was sure of things like that too. That love would last, that committing to love is easy. He doesn’t want to rain on Jungkook's parade. He deserves happiness with someone, Yoongi thinks, someone that is committed to loving him back. Unconditionally.

“Do you have an Instagram?” Jungkook’s voice floats through the air, and Yoongi blinks back to right now. The memories of his ex fade immediately.

“Oh. No...I’m not really on social media.” Yoongi shrugs.

Jungkook chuckles, “Oh, that’s okay.”

“Yeah, I dunno what to post on there…” Yoongi squints.

“That’s kind of the freedom of it though, you can post anything!” Jungkook turns his phone screen to Yoongi, showing him his profile. It’s dotted with bright, saturated pictures of the ocean, the cliff view, Jungkook’s friends, food, even a couple of alarmingly cute pictures Jungkook took of himself. “I’ve got a whole mix here, there’s the ocean obviously—”

“How’d you get it to look so...good?”

Jungkook smiles, “I edited it a bit, changed the contrast and heightened the greens and blues.” It makes the ocean look like a mix between royal blue and sea green, glittering and beautiful.

“Oh wow...and, are those your friends from The Big City?”

Jungkook nods. “Yep, that’s Taehyung, Jimin. Those are my closest friends. Then there’s Jin, he pops in every now and then. He’s a bit older, like your age. But he’s hilarious.”

“Is that what I am now…’a bit older’?” Yoongi sighs, defeated.

Jungkook giggles nervously. “Oops, you know I didn’t mean it like that. You’re still calling me a kid though. I’m allowed to call you an old man every now and then, it’s only fair.”

Yoongi shakes his head smiling. He can’t argue that.

“Yoongi!” Joe yells down the bar. “Stop flirtin’ with your boyfriend for a second and get me another beer, what do us fishermen gotta do to get served over here?” Yoongi nearly chokes and Jungkook’s mouth drops open.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Yoongi yells back, bright red, sending Jungkook an apologetic glance and walking away to deal with it. “Shut your damn face, I’m comin’.”

Joe grunts, pushing his empty glass across the bar, “Mhm whatever you say. I seen the way you get all giddy whenever he’s around. Y’all’re cute. Haven’t seen you be that happy since that other kid left. What was his name? Smiley skinny boy? Started with an H…”

Yoongi flushes at his words, speechless. He hadn’t realized Joe was paying such close attention to his life, or Jungkook. Even remembers his ex’s name. “How’d—”

“Just cuz I’m here complaining and camping out err’day doesn’t mean I don’t notice how you been also. You seem happy. Should keep ‘im around, that one.” Joe nods at Jungkook, who is sneakily staring but immediately whips his head the other direction when they make eye contact.

Yoongi snatches his glass and refills it with beer. “Here’s your beer,” he says flatly. He doesn’t know how to respond to all of that. Joe is observant, but he doesn’t see that Jungkook and him are just friends. That Yoongi isn’t ready for anything beyond that. “Next time, don’t go making assumptions about what that kid and I are, we’re friends.”

Joe shrugs. “Had to get your attention somehow, y’all really be deep in conversation over there. Mm’kay.”

Yoongi’s ears burn at that. That’s his fault, he’s on the clock and he shouldn’t be neglectful of the other customers while Jungkook is here. He pinches his nose and walks back down the bar, picking up empty glasses and money along the way. He wipes down spills, enters the cash in the register. Does his job.

When Jungkook’s almost done with his drink, Yoongi sidles back over. “I’m sorry about that,” Yoongi sighs. “Joe has zero filter.”

Jungkook giggles awkwardly, face still a bit pink. “It’s okay.” He takes the last sip and sets down his glass. “I think I should head home, gotta help my mom tomorrow morning again.” He pulls out some bills and places them on the counter, standing up. “I’ll see you around?”

Yoongi nods, collecting the glass and money. “See ya, let me know how that studio thing goes.”

“I will!” Jungkook throws back one last wave and scurries out of the bar.

≈

Over the weekend, things are busy as they always are. Yoongi gets lost in the hum and buzz of work, loading dishes, serving drinks, wiping counters. He tries very hard not to think about what Joe had said. Joe doesn’t understand half of what Yoongi and Jungkook have learned about each other. They’ve talked about intimate things for sure, but Yoongi feels as though the friendship they’ve developed is much deeper than some superficial crush. He can’t imagine just dropping it all for a relationship he isn’t even sure Jungkook would be into. Now that he thinks about it, all of the signs point towards Jungkook being content with being friends.

Yoongi shakes his head. He isn’t ready for that anyway. Whatever that might be.

Jungkook bursts into the bar on Tuesday evening with a huge beam on his face, waving his phone around. “Yoongi! Look!” He strides up to the bar, slamming one hand down on the counter and the other one shoving the screen into Yoongi’s face.

Yoongi jerks back on his stool, and then squints at the screen. It’s an email. Dear Jungkook, We have received your application and are interested in offering you an interview...We think you are a strong candidate for this position...Yoongi looks up at Jungkook, breaking into a smile. “Congrats Jungkook! This is amazing!”

Jungkook smiles timidly under the compliment, “Thank you, it’s not...There’s nothing official yet but I think I have a good chance. My interview is this week, so I’ll let you know how it goes!”

Yoongi nods. “I’m sure it will go well. And,” he pauses, “it’s okay if things don’t turn out the way you hope, okay? I’m cheering for you either way.” He quirks his lips up into a small smile.

Jungkook’s face softens, his eyes pouring into Yoongi’s with an unreadable intensity. “Thank you.” And he means it.

Yoongi clears his throat and looks away. “Can I make you a drink?”

“I’ll have my usual.” Jungkook grins.

“Um.” Yoongi’s eyebrows draw together. “Wait...what is your usual?”

Jungkook rests his chin in his palms. “That’s the question isn’t it?” His grin deepens into a smirk. “I think I’ve figured it out. But you’re the bartender with the experienced observation skills. Can you figure it out?”

Yoongi’s dumbfounded. Jungkook has basically liked every drink he’s made, and hasn’t requested a drink Yoongi’s made more than twice. “I feel put on the spot,” he says, trying not to sound whiny. “You’ve ordered a different drink pretty much every time you’re here! You still don’t seem to particularly like alcohol. You just like fruity sweet things. Things that remind you of summer? What drink is that supposed to be?” He throws up his hands.

Jungkook giggles, clapping his hands. “Just make me something sweet and fruity then. It’s technically still summer! Gotta make it last.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “Okay, I still haven’t made you a cosmo yet. That’s a classic sweet drink. Socialites love them, I think,” he shrugs, “actually I have no clue.” He takes the vodka off the shelf, orange triple sec, lime juice and cranberry juice. Preps a chilled glass. Fills a mixer with ice, dumps the various ingredients in, holding back on the lime. Begins to shake it.

“Ooh, is that the drink that Jessica Parker drinks? In Sex and the City?”

“Is it? Maybe?” He sets down the mixer. Strains the drink over the chilled glass.

Jungkook smiles. “That TV show kind of inspired me to leave town, y’know? I was kind of starstruck but the idea of a big city, The Big City.”

Yoongi nods, carefully preps a lemon twist, resting it on the edge of the glass. “Here, cosmo.”

Jungkook takes the glass, bringing it to his lips for a sip. “Ah,” he sets it down. “That’s...um strong.” He blinks.

Yoongi pales. “I can make you something else—”

“No!” Jungkook snatches the glass again. “I’ll drink it. Don’t worry about it. I like the cranberry and the sweetness. I just, whatever alcohol that is, it’s strong. But okay! I can drink it.” He takes another tentative sip. His expression is set, but Yoongi wonders if he’s secretly suppressing a wince.

“If you’re sure? It’s seriously no trouble to make something else.”

“No, no. I’m good.”

“Okay...if you say so.” Yoongi rests back on his stool, the stool he uses every Tuesday when there’s no one in the bar. Except Jungkook, of course.

Jungkook hums into his drink, sipping diligently.

“So,” Yoongi instinctively reaches up to scratch his neck. He had thought about this over the weekend and wasn’t sure how Jungkook would react, but he wanted to...ask anyway and see. “Since your interview is this week...I was wondering if you wanted to come to mine sometime after the interview and I could cook for you? It’d be like a celebratory dinner. Or a...consolation dinner. Whichever. You deserve either, really.”

Jungkook perks up, twirling the glass in his hand. His eyes shine with excitement, smiling. “I’d love that!” He says eagerly. “That would be really really nice. I’m so! Excited to try your cooking. Wow, this feels special. How many friends do you normally invite over for dinner?”

Yoongi flushes. “Well...um. Pretty much only you. Or Namjoon whenever he’s not busy.” Speaking of which, he should invite Namjoon over sometime soon also. He hasn’t seen him in a while.

Jungkook takes another sip. The cranberry juice is beginning to stain his lips and tongue a light pinky red. A little rouge smeared across his soft mouth. Yoongi’s eyes linger. Until he scolds himself and looks away. It’s really distracting, the way Jungkook’s lips move when he talks, caressing the vowels and the consonants. The syllables step off his velvet tongue gently, Yoongi is entranced.

“What’re you gonna cook! Do you cook lots of different things? Mainly Korean things? I’m so excited! Will you teach me how to also?”

“I hadn’t thought that far,” Yoongi admits. “I can make whatever you want? It’s special, I guess. Right? Getting a job is a special occasion!”

Jungkook stops smiling for a second, mouth hanging slack. “Oh yeah, I guess that is special.” He laughs awkwardly. “I like steak! It’s only proper if we eat good meat to celebrate, right?”

“Right.” Yoongi grins. “I’m pretty good at cooking steak. You’re in for a treat.”

Jungkook bobs his head. Quickly sips another mouthful of his cosmo. “Man, I really hope I get that job.”

Yoongi nods. “I hear you. When I first got this job...I finally bought a decent bed. That was my biggest purchase ever at the time. But damn, it was so worth it.”

Jungkook looks at him, eyes round with wonder. “I can’t wait for independence.”

“You’ll get there someday.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so.” Yoongi sends Jungkook a reassuring smile.

Jungkook finishes up the rest of his drink. “I should probably go prep for my interview. Wish me luck, Yoongi.”

“Good luck, Jungkook. You’re gonna do great.”

He stands and puts money on the counter. “Thank you! See you this weekend? For dinner?” Yoongi nods, smiling. Jungkook beams back and turns to walk out the door.

≈

On Friday afternoon, Jungkook sends Yoongi a text with a screenshot of another email. Dear Jungkook, We are pleased to welcome you to the portrait studio team as an assistant photographer! More emails will be sent later regarding details of… Yoongi texted back immediately once he saw the message, telling Jungkook congratulations! And to come over on Sunday night, after he closes up the bar.

Yoongi doesn’t know where it comes from but a certain kind of anxiousness bubbles up inside him. Seeing Jungkook making progress, blooming slowly but surely, coming into his own skin.

The rest of the weekend flies by as Yoongi thinks about what groceries to buy Sunday morning. Thinks about the fact that he needs to clean his flat. Thinks that he should probably get a nice bottle of red wine to pair with the steak. Yoongi doesn’t think he’s the type of person to overthink things. But he finds himself determined to put extra effort into making Jungkook’s meal special.

Sunday morning comes quickly. Almost too quickly. He had spent Saturday morning before he went to the bar putting away all of his clothes, doing his laundry, cleaning the surfaces and vacuuming the couch. He couldn’t tamp down the nervousness that burned in his stomach as he walked down to the market, picking up two steak cuts, and spending way too long browsing the red wine section. When he got home, he prepared to head down to the bar, which settled his stomach because the routine was familiar, oversized t-shirt, dark jeans. An umbrella in case the sky decided to rain.

The hours slipped by in a monotonous haze. Yoongi lost himself in the work, having to do a couple extra chores as usual on Sundays to reprepare for next week, restock liquors and ingredients behind the bar. It was pleasant. Yoongi likes things organized, likes doing things methodically. He might be apathetic about life, but at least he is reliably consistent.

As the evening draws towards closing hour, Yoongi starts to fidget. He thinks about how on Jungkook’s birthday, he had talked a little bit about his older brother and had also learned about Jungkook’s older brother. They had talked about a lot of things, random and otherwise. He isn’t sure why, but he suddenly doesn’t know what they would talk about tonight. He hasn’t hung out with someone this frequently in a very long time...and most of the time when he hangs out with Namjoon, the conversation is buoyed by the fact that they have a couple months worth of news to catch up on.

He almost smacks himself across the face for feeling so foolish about this whole thing. It’s just a celebratory dinner, he admonishes to himself. It doesn’t mean anything, stop caring so much, he thinks.

As he’s locking up the door to the bar, Jungkook strides up. He looks happy, his face looks less fatigued than it used to, all the traces of stress and sadness beginning to fade away. He looks more sure of himself as he walks. Yoongi doesn’t admire the width of his shoulders, the way the jeans hug his thighs.

“Hey!” Jungkook waves, awkward.

“Hey,” Yoongi snorts. “Congratulations on the job! You ready for some home-cooked dinner by yours truly?”

Jungkook nods his head vigorously. Yoongi catches out of the corner of his eye as he turns down the street, the way his dark hair flops, like always. “Thank you! And totally, more than ready. I’m stoked.”

Yoongi grunts. “I hope you like red wine...I spent way too long trying to pick out one that you might like.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything and Yoongi glances over from his gaze down the sidewalk, seeing if Jungkook didn’t hear him. Except Jungkook is looking at him, mouth parted. When they make eye contact, Jungkook smiles.

“I like red wine. Thanks...for doing that.”

“It’s nothing,” Yoongi shrugs.

Jungkook giggles quietly but changes the direction of the conversation. “Do you still play video games? I’ve been getting back into them recently.”

“Sometimes? I have an Xbox. Namjoon and I usually play COD or GTA. I’ve played a bit of League before, but I’m not that good.” Jungkook perks up at that.

“League? I used to be obsessed with League,” Jungkook laughs. “I mostly play Overwatch and PUBG now. We should play sometime!”

Yoongi snorts. “Is Overwatch like the young hip thing now?”

Jungkook groans. “There you go again, sounding like an old man. Overwatch has been out for at least five years. You have to be living under a rock to not know what it is.” He shakes his head.

“What’s wrong with that? Living under a rock is my happy place…” He sounds grumbly, maybe a little bit pouty.

“Okay, Yoongi.” He says it like that okay boomer meme and Yoongi is about to protest. But he catches Jungkook’s teasing smile and the words get caught in his throat.

Silence falls for a moment and they come up by his small apartment complex, just a two-story house with one apartment on the bottom floor and one apartment on the top floor. They climb up the stairs, Yoongi unlocks the door and flicks on the lights, standing aside to let Jungkook in.

“Make yourself at home,” Yoongi murmurs. They both toe off their shoes and Jungkook hovers awkwardly while Yoongi pads over to the kitchen, pulling out ingredients to begin cooking.

“Can I do anything to help?’

Yoongi thinks. “Um, not really. But you watch me cook? There are stools under the counters there,” he points on the other side of the divider. “That’s my speaker, it’s Bluetooth. You can put some music on, anything you like.”

Jungkook nods and sits on a stool. It mimics how they are in the bar, only this time with a kitchen counter and sink between them. He scoots closer to the speaker, turning it on. As Jungkook pulls out his phone to hook it up, Yoongi begins to prepare the meal, pulling out ginger and garlic, salt and pepper. Green beans, and mushrooms. He lets the steaks rest and marinate while he chops the other ingredients.

Music begins playing through the speaker, it sounds like an indie-pop song, with an upbeat tempo and a honeyed male voice. The song is in Korean. Yoongi’s never heard of this song before.

He tilts his head, “What song is this?” It’s catchy, and the voice is beautiful.

“Nocturnal by Shaun,” Jungkook looks down at his phone. “My Korean isn’t that good, but the lyrics are pretty simple, I can understand it.”

Yoongi nods along, listening to the lyrics as he cooks. His Korean is also mediocre, just from what he’s learned from his parents and had to understand around the house. But he understands some of it, how does it feel to live another life, will it be different if I go back to sleep now?

“It’s good,” he murmurs. “I like it.”

It’s bittersweet. Maybe a little bit sad, but something tells Yoongi it’s about acceptance. Not losing faith, not giving up. Embracing it, whatever it may be. Yoongi doesn’t know.

“I like the meaning. The song makes me feel less lonely too. I like the way music does that.”

Yoongi understands. Music has always...withstood the challenges of life. “It’s a good friend, my best friend, probably.”

“What music do you listen to?” Jungkook cocks his head, scrolling through his playlist as another song comes on.

“A mix of everything?”

“That’s a cop-out answer.”

Yoongi shrugs. “It’s the truth, whatever I’m in the mood for really. Punk rock, indie pop, alternative, rap, hip hop. Like you said, music is there for you whenever you need it. It’s always been there for me.”

When Yoongi had broken up with his ex, he hibernated for a long while, playing ballads while curled up in his bed. When Yoongi walked into town or down by the beach, he always played indie pop or alternative, singer-songwriter music. When he’s doing chores, feeling energized, playing video games, hip hop and rap are his go-to genres.

Jungkook hums. “Any favorite artists?”

Yoongi smiles. “Sure, of course.” He rattles off a few artists, some of which Jungkook recognizes, the more popular ones, and the obscure ones, Jungkook just looks at him blankly.

He begins to cook the steak. Jungkook sighs at the sizzling meat, “That smell is heavenly.”

Yoongi chuckles. It doesn’t take long to cook, just long enough to sear and leave the insides medium rare. His mushroom and green bean roast is almost done. He rinses his hands under the sink. “Can you do me a favor? Grab plates from this cabinet,” he gestures with his elbow. “Silverware is in that drawer over there.”

Jungkook hops up and helps to set up the table in the living room, setting plates, wine glasses, and silverware down neatly. Brings the bottle of red wine from his cabinet of liquor. “Do you have any candles,” he says jokingly.

“What?” Yoongi is distracted with getting the vegetables out of the oven and dumping them into a serving bowl. “Candles? Why would I have candles?”

Jungkook shakes his head, flushing but Yoongi misses it. He’s dropping the pan in the sink and checking the steak. He flicks the burner off and lifts the cast iron off the stove. “Okay,” he says, “Coming through, this is hot. It’s done though, let’s eat while it’s hot. Sorry about...I don’t have chairs.”

“It’s fine. I seriously couldn’t care.” Jungkook watches Yoongi place each steak on the plate, delicately, over a small bed of roasted mushrooms and green beans. Drizzles some of the surrounding sauce over the top. Adds garnish. He returns the hot pan to the stove, wiping his forehead. He can feel Jungkook’s eyes on him, the heat of the oven making him feel uncomfortable and sweaty.

He opens the wine and pours some for the two of them. “This is kind of a sweeter red wine. Not the perfect pairing for steak, but sweet and fruity how you like it.” He gives Jungkook a pointed look. Jungkook is looking at him, almost reverently. Yoongi scratches his neck. He picks up his wine glass, “Cheers? Bon appetit? Let’s eat.”

Jungkook hurriedly picks up his glass, clinking it against Yoongi’s glass. They both drink and begin to eat. Yoongi watches Jungkook dig into the steak, watches the way the meat disappears inside Jungkook’s small mouth. He gulps and focuses on cutting his own steak.

Jungkook lets out a guttural moan, the sound shoots down Yoongi’s spine like a cannon. “Shit, that is so good Yoongi. Holy smokes. It’s delicious. The best? The best for sure that I’ve ever tried. Wow, this is arguably better than getting the job.”

Yoongi chokes on his own piece of steak. He grabs his glass and tries to get the itch out of his throat with more liquid. He gasps for air. “Thanks,” he says weakly. “I’m sure it’s not. The job is much more important. That’s an accomplishment.”

“So is this steak,” Jungkook stares at it lovingly. “This is brilliant. A true accomplishment. Michelin star restaurants better watch out. This is a masterpiece.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes, snorting. “Okay now you’re exaggerating.”

“I’m not! I think I have tears in my eyes. It melts so perfectly. Wow.” He cuts into it eagerly, going for a second piece.

They fall into silence for a while, Yoongi determinedly focusing on his food instead of the way Jungkook groans at each piece of meat. How Jungkook swallows the wine easily.

“Oh, I also have news.” Jungkook finally sets down his already half-finished wine glass. “Remember how I said I’d tell my mom...once I secured something stable? Just in case?”

Yoongi tenses. “Yeah. Did...did you tell her?”

“I did.” His face is solemn. “I sat down with her yesterday, and basically explained everything. Starting from Jieun. And I told her I got the job and everything.” He breaks into a small smile. “She said it was a lot to process. But she said it didn’t change how she thought of me. And that she wishes I could have told her sooner. She even told me—she said she loved me. She barely ever says that.” His voice gets soft, thick with emotion.

Yoongi exhales, sending Jungkook a soft smile. “That’s amazing, Jungkook. I’m really proud of you for doing that.”

“I think she actually felt a little bit bad about setting me up with Jieun. We had a really long conversation. I think...we’ve always just kind of misunderstood each other. I don’t...forgive her for making me feel like shit. But she said she’s always done what she could to make sure I didn’t end up like her.”

“Like her?”

“I dunno. Like. I guess in a practice she doesn’t really care about. In a marriage that fell apart. I think being a single mom was really tough for her. And being an immigrant, I think. I’m not...entirely sure.”

“Yeah, parents have a weird way of...showing that sometimes.” Yoongi shakes his head, taking a gulp of wine. “It’s good that...you guys sorta worked things out? That you understand each other even a little bit more now. That she told you she loves you. I think that is good...progress.”

Jungkook nods. “I tried to set some...boundaries. It felt good. It feels good to,” he pauses and Yoongi watches him look for words. “It feels good to kinda have a direction. To feel like I’m finally getting my footing.”

Yoongi smiles.

“It’s not perfect. And I dunno if photography is my passion, but I like it enough. And y’know. Confronting parts of myself, thanks to you, Yoongi. It feels like the weight here,” he touches his chest. “It’s lifting. I feel lighter now.” He smiles back at Yoongi.

He shakes his head, feels the dizziness from the wine unsettling his train of thought. “It’s...not me. It’s all you. You did that. All you.” Jungkook goes back to his food and so does Yoongi, looking down so Jungkook can’t see his cheeks, they feel red.

“You reminded me though. That is important. To accept yourself. To love yourself? And I know I shouldn’t let my mom shape whether or not I do. But, yeah, hearing her say she loves me...that helped. A lot. I think I’m...ready to start accepting and loving myself. Maybe start loving someone else.” Jungkook is looking at Yoongi, his eyes are unreadable. Yoongi shifts, taking another sip of his wine, emptying his glass.

“Maybe,” he mumbles back. He pours more wine in both of their glasses. “Maybe…”

Dinner wraps up slowly. They finish off the remaining vegetables. Drink through a couple more glasses of wine until Yoongi’s feeling decently buzzed. Wine never really sat well in his stomach, loosening him much quicker than stronger harder alcohols. Jungkook looks to be the same state of fuzziness, he’s swaying to the music, singing along gently. Yoongi listens to his voice, chocolatey and sweet. It’s really beautiful, he should record Jungkook sometime. Maybe ask him to sing for some of his music. He hasn’t...touched it in a while. But maybe Jungkook’s voice might be just what he needs, something fresh. Different.

He glances at his phone and notices the time, it’s quite late. “Oh man, do you start work tomorrow? It’s getting late.”

Jungkook looks at his phone too. “Oh shit, you’re right. I don’t have to go in first thing tomorrow, but I do have to prepare some stuff tomorrow.” Yoongi begins to clear the table. “Can I help? Do you need me to wash dishes?” They both carry their dirty dishes to the sink.

Jungkook starts to turn on the water and Yoongi swats his hand away. “Don’t bother, I have tomorrow off. I’ll just clean this tomorrow. You should get home, get some sleep. We’re both—” He looks up at Jungkook, just a small tilt of his head. Kinda tipsy, he was about to say. The words die on his tongue, mouth parted. They’re standing close to each other, shoulder to shoulder in front of the sink. He hadn’t completely turned off the sink when he’d pushed Jungkook’s hand away. It drips, steadily...

Time slows down.

Drip… drip… drip…

Jungkook’s breath hitches. Yoongi looks into Jungkook’s eyes, dizzy and dark. His eyelashes are thick and feathery. His lips are red, stained by wine. He can smell the alcohol between them, flowery bitter notes on his tongue. Jungkook takes half a step closer. His eyes drop to Yoongi’s lips, leaning in—

“Shouldn’t you go home?” Yoongi blurts out, stepping back. Jungkook jerks back like he’s been stung. Time resumes.

“Oh. Yeah, yeah. I should head home,” he mutters. He goes back to the coffee table, swiping his phone. Yoongi’s rooted in the kitchen. The sink is still dripping. Jungkook walks back by the entrance of the kitchen. “I’ll be heading out now. Thank you for dinner, it was...really nice. I’ll um...see myself out.” He blinks, inhales. “See you around?”

Yoongi nods. Can’t quite figure out Jungkook’s body language. He looks on the verge of bolting, body angled towards the door. “Yeah,” he croaks.

“See you, Yoongi. Thank you, again for everything.” He sends Yoongi one last smile, and before Yoongi can react, is out the door and skipping down the stairs into the night.

≈

The next time Jungkook comes into the bar, it’s been over a week. Total radio silence for the last ten days again. Yoongi doesn’t know what to make of any of it. The dinner, the mistake of drinking too much red wine. The way Jungkook had stared down into his eyes, dark and impassioned. It didn’t look just friendly. Yoongi gulps to think what could have happened, under the haze of red wine dulling their inhibitions. He doesn’t reach out to Jungkook, because he doesn’t know what to say if he did, and he doesn’t want to make things more uncomfortable than they might already be.

He is really, really confused. Part of him desperately wanted that break in rationality. Wanted that hurricane, the eye in which him and Jungkook had seemingly stood that night in front of the sink. But the logical part of him reasoned that it wasn’t responsible. He’d already accepted long ago, the way these things end for him. Jungkook wasn’t going to be another mistake. He couldn’t go through that again.

Jungkook walks into the bar, dressed in semi-formal clothes. A button-down shirt, tucked into casual slacks. No tie, but a light bomber jacket. The weather is getting a little bit chillier these days. Yoongi stares at him. Is it awkward? Are they gonna acknowledge it? Ignore it? Is Yoongi overthinking it?

“Hey, you want a drink?” Yoongi says just as Jungkook sits down. The words tumble out of mouth hastily. Not open for anything more in this conversation. Just focused on doing his job.

“Oh, right. Um…” Jungkook taps his lips, thinking. “Can I get a Shirley Temple?”

Yoongi blinks. “A Shirley Temple?”

He nods, hair flopping delightfully. “I saw it on a list of non-alcoholic drinks? It looked yummy.”

“O...kay, sure.” Yoongi pulls out an iced glass. Ginger ale and grenadine in the glass, stirred. A small topping of cherries. Slides it across the bar. “No alcohol tonight?”

Jungkook takes the glass, sniffing it and then taking a sip. “Ah, this is perfect.” He pops a cherry in his mouth. “I realized...I still don’t particularly like alcohol.”

“Oh.” Yoongi is holding his breath. Each word feels tight.

“Don’t get me wrong! I loved all the drinks you made. And I wasn’t lying when I said they were good.”

Yoongi raises his eyebrows. “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

“But...I kind of tolerated alcohol for a single purpose. To be here. To...talk to you? That sounds so weird.” Jungkook tugs on his bangs anxiously, eyes darting around. He lets out a long sigh, fidgeting before finally clasping his hands and shoving them between his thighs.

“To talk to me?” Yoongi’s throat goes very dry.

“Yoongi.” Jungkook says it seriously, with a level of concentration Yoongi hasn’t seen before. He’s unnerved, gulping. His throat is so dry the gulp causes his throat to itch, eyes watering a tiny bit.

“Yes...?”

“I’m an adult, y’know. I’m an adult who can communicate.”

“You’ve said that before...Are you okay?”

Jungkook stands up and leans forward on the counter. “No. I’m not okay.”

Yoongi takes a step back because Jungkook’s face is edging the barrier between this side of the bar and that side of the bar. “Wh—why are being weird?” He stutters it out, not sure what is going on. He has a hunch. He wants it to be wrong. He can’t do this.

“I’m being weird because I think I really like you. And I’m an adult who should be able to communicate that. I like you a lot and I want to date you. Will you go on a date with me, Yoongi Min?” Jungkooks jaw is set, he looks serious and resolved. It’s also a little bit frightening.

“What?” Yoongi fumbles with the words Jungkook is throwing at him. It’s like a bizarre dodgeball game where Jungkook is pelting him with words Yoongi isn’t prepared to hear.

“I like. You. I like you. Yoongi. Will you go on a date with me?”

“You like me?”

Jungkook throws up his hands. “Yes! Oh my god! How many times do I have to say it? I like you! I’ve liked you for freaking forever. Almost since the moment I set foot into this bar. I was too nervous to say anything then, and you didn’t even know me. But it’s only grown since then, this intense feeling! You mean a lot to me. I ordered disgusting drinks so I could calm down and have a proper conversation with you. I like you, Yoongi! Do you need your hearing checked? Are you getting that old? I like you, I might even more than like you, Yoongi Min, please will you go on a date with me? It’s really a simple yes or no question, christ!” His eyes are wide and frantic, spitting out words with emphasis and anxiety.

Yoongi stares at Jungkook stunned. Jungkook likes him. Maybe even more than likes...him. He’s speechless. He doesn’t know what to say. He wasn’t prepared for this. He wasn’t...he couldn’t deny the attraction that he felt towards Jungkook, especially that night. The way he gazed at Yoongi so fully when he spoke, the way he acted so thoughtfully. The shadow in his eye under the kitchen light. Jungkook had laid out all his cards.

But Yoongi had been crushed by this feeling before. Maybe like, maybe more. He doesn’t want it. Those feelings don’t...last. People leave, hope leaves. Someone like Jungkook, who is regaining himself every day. Finding reasons to move on, be better. And Yoongi knows. Life always goes on, and oftentimes, it takes people away with it.

“No.” Yoongi says the word, firm and cold. He closes off his expression. Shoves down his thundering heart. “I won’t go on a date with you. We’re friends. You probably don’t love me, Jungkook. You’re just infatuated with the idea of loving someone.”

Jungkook swallows. His face falls, and his body collapses in on himself. “Oh.” Is all he says. He pulls away, stumbling backward into the barstool, nearly flailing to the ground but catching himself. “Okay, then.”

Jungkook straightens himself, stares hard at Yoongi’s face, stony and withdrawn. “Goodbye, Yoongi.” And he walks out the door.

≈

For the first time in five years, Yoongi calls into work sick the next week.

He’s not the only bartender there, albeit he does work most of the weekdays and helps out on weekends most of the time too. He’s always been consistent. He likes his routine. But something breaks inside him, for the first time since his ex had left. And maybe he did work through some of the pain. Worked through the pain of putting that love behind him. In the process, he may have left love behind altogether. Just convinced himself things are easier this way. Without love, without commitment. People always complicate things. They change and leave. And as always, life goes on.

He plays back the conversations that they’ve had. The hints that Jungkook had wanted something more, aside from that impulsive moment in the kitchen. He hides under his covers, trying to rack his brain for any clue. When did things change? Why couldn’t he see it? Why didn’t he do anything to stop it from getting to that point? And if things seemed irreparable after getting upset at Jungkook and spitting harsh realities across the bar counter at him, then things were definitely beyond the point of being solved by now.

Namjoon sends him a text message, let’s catch up. It’s not a question, and Yoongi can’t bring himself to say no anyways. It’s been long overdue. He doesn’t even know where to begin, hoping that Namjoon will provide the proper distraction from his hole that’s been blasted through his chest since Jungkook said goodbye. No, I’ll see you around, see you later, Yoongi. A strong, solid, unforgiving goodbye.

Yoongi gets out of his bed on Saturday to greet Namjoon at his door.

“You look terrible,” is the first thing Namjoon says when Yoongi opens the door and turns, stalking straight for the couch. Namjoon follows, closing the door behind him. “What happened to you?”

Yoongi curls up on an edge of the sofa, pulling a fuzzy blanket over his body, leaving only his head uncovered. “Nothing.”

Namjoon sits down on the couch beside him. Shoots him a pointed look. “Are we gonna do this the hard way?”

Yoongi nods stubbornly.

“Fine,” Namjoon acquiesces. “I’ll go first. I’m doing good, thanks for asking, Yoongi.” Yoongi huffs. Namjoon continues. “I recently sent some work into The Big City. There’s a label there that’s interested in my work. I wanted you to listen to it, give me feedback if you were up for it. But you look...well. You don’t really look up for anything for right now.”

Yoongi glares at him flatly. His hair is a knotted mess. His eyes feel raw and red. He has bags under his eyes from lying awake for successive nights, replaying each conversation in his head. Rewinding the way Jungkook’s hair flopped around, how the bow of his lips shifted with each smile and pout. Rewatching Jungkook’s fingers wrapped around the stem of his glass, the tint of his lips when the sweet drink colored them pink, the curve of his neck. Stuff he didn’t even realize he remembered looking at when they chatted across the bar, across dinner, watching the ocean.

“Well,” he says slowly. Choosing his words. “Congratulations. That’s great, about the label. I’m...really happy for you. Of course I’ll listen to it. I’m just. Going through something right now.”

Namjoon raises his eyebrows. “A boy?”

“How’d you—”

“The last time you looked like this, Hoseok had just left.” Yoongi clamps his mouth shut. He hasn’t heard his ex’s name spoken out loud in forever. It’s always just been a word he’d bleeped from his memory. He left it behind with the rest of his memories of him.

“No—”

Namjoon sighs. “I’m here for you, Yoongi. But you have to tell me the truth.”

Yoongi shuts his mouth. After a long silence, Namjoon gets up.

“I’m going to make us both tea.” He pads away to the kitchen. Yoongi listens as the sink turns on, the lid of the kettle snaps shut. He hears a cabinet open, some rummaging. Yoongi’s lips twist down, his body aches and his tongue feels dry and uncomfortable. He looks out onto the ocean and lets himself float...away…

Namjoon comes back with two mugs. It smells like green tea and jasmine. Yoongi accepts one and Namjoon plants himself next to Yoongi. The tea is hot, but it warms the pit of his stomach, a blooming heat that washes over him.

Yoongi knows Namjoon is waiting for him to talk. He doesn’t even know where to start. There’s this kid who came to the bar every week for the past two months and we got to know each other and then somehow he almost kissed me when we were drunk and then fell in love and confessed. And oh by the way, it might be because I helped cheer him up when I was like ten and it made such a lasting impression that he remembered? Everything happened so fast. Too fast.

“What’s his name?”

“Jungkook.” Yoongi looks down at his fingers, wrapped around the mug. His nails are bitten and his cuticles are red from him picking at the skin.

“How’d you guys meet?”

“He came into the bar a couple months ago.”

“Were you guys dating? Did he break up with you?” Namjoon’s voice sounds low but agitated. “Did he leave you, Yoongi?”

Yoongi shakes his head. “We weren’t. Anything. Friends. That’s it.” Until Jungkook tried to kiss him. Until Jungkook confessed he loved him. And what were they now? He didn’t know. Namjoon stops asking questions. He’s looking at Yoongi expectantly, waiting for him to provide an explanation. You’re not making any damn sense. I can’t help you if you don’t actually use words and communicate with me, Yoongi can read the expression on Namjoon’s face. It’s frustratingly calm and patient.

“We started talking at the bar. Jungkook seemed...hopeless. Lost. I dunno. I talked to him. Tried to help him out and stuff. Things ended up getting really...deep. I guess.” We ended up clicking really well, too well, is what he doesn’t say. He’s beautiful and that smile, oh. “He confessed, but I told him no. Because I can’t.”

He looks at Namjoon. The gaze that meets him is challenging, questioning. “And why can’t you?” Namjoon drinks his tea.

Yoongi exhales. “Because...because he’s got too much hope. I can’t handle that anymore. We’re not right for each other. I know it.”

“Do you love him, Yoongi?”

Yoongi’s heart stops. His breath gets caught in his throat. Everything crashes to a halt around him.

Not even the waves move outside his window.

“It’s not about love,” he finally says. “We were friends. He crossed a line. I reinforced it. Boundaries.”

Namjoon is quiet. Minutes tick on. Yoongi sips some tea, but it’s only lukewarm now.

“Yoongi.” Namjoon sighs. “Don’t do this. You can’t—you gotta stop shoving your head in the sand. Listen, Yoongi.” He puts a hand on Yoongi’s thigh, burning through the blanket. Yoongi braces himself, Namjoon always knows when to say the exact shit Yoongi doesn't want to hear. “I don’t know Jungkook. But clearly you care a shit ton about him. Stop fucking denying yourself the chance to live fully. Love fully. If you push people away the second they try and get close to you, the second they fail you, you’re never gonna be happy. Never.”

“He didn’t fail me,” Yoongi mumbles, blinking back tears. “I failed him. I can’t accept it. It’s too much. He’s too much. I don’t want it. Whatever happiness he could bring, it won’t last. He’ll eventually want to leave...” Me, Yoongi doesn’t say.

“I know it’s scary. I know. But...not everyone is like him. Have you...given him a chance, Yoongi?”

Yoongi doesn’t say anything.

“You know, Yoongi. I’ve never met someone as apathetic about life as you are. You’re always in a rush to move on, leave whatever it is in the past.”

Yoongi is lurched backwards into a conversation he remembers having with Jungkook. He feels nauseous. Remembers Jungkook’s question that had left him fully stumped...it kinda feels like you’re sprinting through life with no direction, Jungkook’s voice says in his head. What are you trying to get to the end so fast for?

He screws his eyes shut. Emotion barrels up through his ribcage, catching right in his throat, and he gasps out a sob. Namjoon brings his hand up to cup Yoongi’s neck, stroking his thumb against his nape. He pulls Yoongi into a hug, murmuring in a hushed tone, “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

Yoongi doesn’t know why he’s crying, doesn’t know how to explain himself to Namjoon. Namjoon holds him through it. Yoongi lets himself be held. The ocean crashes to shore out the window. He and Namjoon watch as the rolls of green ocean ripple and return, sweeping in and out, like the tumultuous disaster in his heart, a storm of emotions.

≈

He finds himself on the boardwalk. It’s nighttime. Namjoon left after dinner. It’s just the moon, the ocean, and him. The fresh air is helping, his lungs don’t feel as crushed and weighed down as they did earlier. He had cried and cried. He wishes there was an answer, that the ocean would tell him what to do. He wishes life could return to how it was, uncomplicated and boring. He wishes he could un-feel all of the things that stir up when Jungkook floats up to the surface of his thoughts.

Deep, deep down inside he knows what’s stopping him from letting go and saying yes, yes to Jungkook, yes to life.

He bites his lip, kicks off his shoes and steps off the boardwalk, digging his toes into the sand. He can’t say yes, because he’s terrified of being abandoned by the people around him, people he loves. He crouches down, hugging arms around his shins, burying his face in his knees. Because, if he stops caring then it will be easier to move on. He lets out a weak moan, a tiny gasp, fear and anger and sadness swelling up through his throat. Because, he accepted, years and years ago, that life was unkind and that’s the way things went. Tears wet his face, and he lets out a tired sob, shoulders shaking. Because he knows that he doesn’t deserve happiness in this lifetime.

He was such a hypocrite. Such a coward. He’d told Jungkook to feel his pain, work through it. Yet, here he was, feeling through pain that he had thought he was done with. Pain he had thrown away and wanted nothing more to do with, had hidden from and denied.

When he’s heaved out enough sobs to finally quiet down into silent tears, images flood his vision. Images of Jungkook’s beautiful face, his wide smile, his bright eyes. So full of happiness, sympathy, encouragement. Full of care and fondness, understanding, acceptance, and...love.

He lets the shame, the feeling of unworthiness wash over him in waves, like the ocean's tides cutting through his skin, dragging away the bits he so desperately wants to leave behind. And finally, fully admits to himself that he’s been hiding. Maybe he doesn’t have passions or dreams or goals. Maybe nothing big and aspirational. But maybe... he deserves the small things, the gentle touches, the self-love, and the other kind of love. The kind that Jungkook cradles in his palms, that he had presented to Yoongi over the counter of the bar, vulnerable and open.

He breathes in time with the ocean and the salty breeze sweeps through his nose. The saltiness holds a tangible memory, the same memory he’s had since he was a kid, full of hope and bright.

Inhale, exhale.

≈

Jungkook comes into the bar looking haggard. Yoongi’s been back for a couple days. He had sat in the sand, just him and the gentle waves stretching out into the horizon. Namjoon had whispered to Yoongi before he left, go talk to him. Give him a chance. Give yourself a chance to love again. Yoongi knows Namjoon always says the shit he doesn’t want to hear, but needs to hear. And he listens.

Jungkook looks exhausted. It’s Friday night. Things are crazy. Yoongi is scrambling around as usual, but the second Jungkook walks in, they make intense eye contact, heated, piercing. Jungkook squeezes himself in the corner as usual on crowded nights. Yoongi mixes him a Shirley Temple, which Jungkook accepts wordlessly.

Yoongi moves away to do his job, letting the night run on as the antics of the game down out Yoongi’s pounding heart. People are roaring and laughing, the tension between him and Jungkook going completely unnoticed. Joe does shoot Yoongi a look though, something that says, don’t fuck this up. Yoongi sets his jaw and continues working. It’s none of Joe’s damn business, but he also doesn’t want to let him or anyone else down.

The crowd dies down and starts to trickle out around midnight. Nearing 1 am, Yoongi lets his coworker know he can leave early, that Yoongi will handle the rest. The rest being just Jungkook, sitting at the bar. Already on his second Shirley Temple. There it is again, that small pile of knotted cherry stems. People are creatures of habit, Yoongi thinks to himself dryly. Especially me.

And finally. He tugs out his stool from under the bar, carrying it over and sitting in front of Jungkook, who is watching him.

“Hi.” He starts. Jungkook waits. “I’m...glad you came back.”

Jungkook cracks a wry smile. “I had to. I came back three times last week. Didn’t see you at all. I almost thought you’d left town. But...I suspected that wasn’t the case.”

Yoongi scratches his neck. “I needed to...think about some things. Take a break. Sorry.”

Jungkook shakes his head. “Don’t be. But...I’d like it if you hear me out. I didn’t...I didn’t get to say everything I wanted to last time. What with you shooting me down so quickly.”

“Well can I just—”

“No.” Jungkook cuts him off. “It’s my turn. I’ve spent a lot of time with you now. You helped me, you cared for me. You listened to me. People don’t really listen these days. But you….You deserve that back. You deserve someone who listens to you. Who accepts you, who helps you. Someone who loves you. And someone who doesn’t leave you.

“I want, so so bad, to be that person for you. Obviously I can’t make you choose me. But I think. I think you did choose me, you still do choose me. I can see it in your eyes, in your face. That you’re scared. It’s fucking frustrating, Yoongi. It hurts to see that, and still hear you say no.” Jungkook’s eyebrows pinch together, his voice quivers.

“And, you have all these opinions, but it’s like you’re using them to keep people from getting close to you! I’m not just infatuated with the idea of love. I’m fucking in love you with Yoongi. Are you just gonna let life pass you by? After everything? When are you gonna stand up and fucking fight for something, for once in your life? For me, Yoongi?”

Yoongi looks at him, tortured. He bites his lip. Jungkook’s voice is tight, not loud or angry, but heavy and stinging. The words are honest, and painfully accurate. Jungkook sees right through him. He heaves out a deep breath. Jungkook begins to look a little wobbly, fuzzy through his vision.

Jungkook passes him a napkin on the bar. He takes it, wiping away the tears.

“You’re right.” He sighs out heavily. “I owe you an apology. You don’t deserve that. I’m...still working on it. I’m still figuring things out. I had...convinced myself for the longest time that I didn’t need anything more from life. And then life made you walk through those doors. And Jungkook, you’re—” He falters.

“Yoongi…am I not enough for you? Am I not worth it?” Jungkook’s eyes are shining, unguarded and swimming with hurt. The way Jungkook’s voice cracks when he says it truly breaks Yoongi’s heart.

“No, no. How could you say that? It’s the opposite, Jungkook. I’m not. You deserve more than me. You deserve more than this. I was trying to protect both of us. Because what if we’re not right for each other? What if this whole thing falls apart? That’s what I am afraid of. I’m afraid of losing you. Of hurting you...Or of being hurt if you chose to walk away.”

Jungkook sniffles, taking a napkin for himself. “I’m not him. I’m not your ex, Yoongi. I’m Jungkook.” He looks up into Yoongi’s eyes.

“You’re right. I’m so sorry, Jungkook. I’m sorry for being scared and for not fighting for things. You’re right. My heart chose you without me even realizing it. I want you.”

Jungkook lowers his napkin, looking torn between anguish and hope.

“I hope you’ll forgive me. I want things to be right between us. I want you to be happy. And I’m sorry for saying no. I am saying yes now...if you’ll still have me? I would love to go on a date with you, Jungkook Jeon.” His voice lowers to a whisper, staring at his fingers, which he’s twisted anxiously in his lap. He glances up at the last sentence, bracing himself.

“Of course I still want that,” Jungkook reaches across the counter, lacing his fingers into Yoongi. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me again. I thought, I thought that I’d ruined everything. I was so scared. Of course I still want you.”

Jungkook’s fingers feel soft, fit perfectly between his. Cupping his heart, his tender soul. His heart blossoms, full of hope, full of happiness, full of something very compelling and warm.

Yoongi exhales through his tears. He clears his throat, wiping his cheeks again. He smiles weakly. “I think...Can we go slow? I think I need...time. I want this, I want you, I want us, but slowly.” Slow like the way the ocean rolls in after the storm, shining emerald green, gentle and swaying. Easing onto shore.

Jungkook stands up, gripping Yoongi’s fingers tighter. He leans against the counter, and Yoongi tries not to jerk back, too overwhelmed by the proximity of Jungkook’s body, of his gorgeous and teary face, of the way Jungkook’s eyes seem to peer right into Yoongi’s fragile soul. Jungkook brings his face close to Yoongi’s, and they share a long look, eyes locked together, unspeaking but sending a clear message. Anything, anything for you. Yoongi’s eyes drop down to Jungkook’s lips for a split second, and he wonders if Jungkook will kiss him, all tear-stained and sniffling.

Jungkook tilts his head up and presses a gentle kiss against Yoongi’s forehead. “I want to stay by your side, Yoongi. Take all the time you need.”

≈

Jungkook sits down in his usual stool. He looks windswept and gorgeous. “Hey.” He smiles, bright and happy.

“Hey,” Yoongi responds, blushing. Jungkook’s looking at him, and even all these months later, it still makes Yoongi feel awkward and under scrutiny. But also it makes his heart thump wildly, because Jungkook’s eyes are shining with happiness and a little bit of love. “What can I get you?”

Jungkook cocks his head to the side, his dark floppy hair swooshing with his movements. He hums thoughtfully. “I’ll have my usual.”

Yoongi cracks an embarrassed smile. He would roll his eyes but he’s too busy getting lost in Jungkook’s. “This is stupid,” he mumbles.

“C’mon Yoongi, humor me!” Jungkook snickers, his voice is lilting and playful.

“Fine. Fine.” He sighs, casting his eyes out the window, the self-consciousness flaring up inside him is too much for him to keep looking at Jungkook’s smirking face. His eyes roll towards the ceiling, he can’t believe he’s about to say this. “One ‘Yoongi Kiss’ coming right up.”

He leans across the bar, and Jungkook stands up to meet him halfway. Jungkook pauses with an inch left between them, first making eye contact then dropping his gaze to Yoongi’s lips. Yoongi’s blush intensifies. Jungkook brings a hand up to cup Yoongi’s jaw, and closes the gap between them.

They kiss and it’s sweet, gentle, like the green tides rippling through the golden sands. When Jungkook pulls away, Yoongi feels breathless and dizzy with love. He smiles at Yoongi, who is fully red in the face now, and says, “Tastes sweet, even sweeter than summer.”