Chapter Text
Taako, Magnus and Merle watch as Captain Bane collapses, his skin a sickly blackened colour, and behind him, floating ominously, are two bright red eldritch spectres.
"Are you afraid?” The first ghost rasps.
“Hey, guys,” the second says, waving.
“Lup, c’mon, we talked about this,” the first one says, putting a skeletal hand up to his hood in a facepalm, his voice now just sounding like a normal dude. A very put-upon normal dude. “We were gonna be all spooky and shit.”
“It’s fine, we’ll do like, good cop, bad cop. Good lich bad lich.”
“Are you afraid, uh, of the dark?” The first lich rasps again, before switching back to his normal voice. “Nah, see, you killed my mojo now.”
Taako, Magnus and Merle stare for another second, and then simultaneously all three burst out laughing. Every so often one of them will tail off, gasping for air, and then they’ll look up at the first lich, who’s giving off such an aura of exasperation it starts them off again.
“I had an important point to make here,” the first lich says. “I was gonna be spooky – I never get to be spooky, and you ruined it for me, babe.”
“Aw, I’m sorry, Bear,” the second lich – Lup? – says, putting a skeletal hand on his spectral shoulder. “We can be spooky next time.”
“They’re never gonna take me seriously now,” The first lich grumbles petulantly. “And I had such a cool entrance, too, you know that? I made him drink his own poison, that was cool, right?” He says that as an aside to the three of them.
They’re still giggling.
He glowers. “Uh, where was I? Oh, uh, Gundren Rockseeker, Magic Brian, blah blah blah.” He stops the rasping halfway through the sentence, and just sounds depressed. “The want, the Hunger, it consumes everything. Fuck all of you.”
He disappears in a column of flame that singes their eyebrows, but Lup just laughs.
“Don’t worry about him,” Lup says. “He’s just grumpy. He’d been looking forward to being spooky. How’s it hangin’ with all of you guys?”
“Uh, pretty good?” Magnus ventures, when he manages to choke down his laughter long enough to reply. “We just won a cool race -”
“Yeah, I saw, pretty rad, my man.”
“And, uh, I think there’s a bunch of prize money for it.”
“Hell yeah, dude, make that bank!”
“Uh, can I ask who you are?”
They can feel the mischievous aura radiating off her. “I’m an evil red robe!” She rasps, in a pretty good impersonation of the other spectre – Bear? “Anyways,” her voice goes back to normal, “I should go check on him. See ya soon, I guess. Give Lucy my love!”
She disappears in a column of flame identical to Bear’s.
“Hey, Madam Director! We got your magic sash, uh, what else did we do? We did a fuckin’ cool race.” Magnus says.
“Yeah, did you see me ride Garyl? Pretty sweet, right?” Taako says.
“Uh, and your friend Captain Bane tried to poison us,” Merle says.
“Do you know anyone called Lucy?” Magnus asks.
“Okay, but y’all saw cha’boy ride Garyl and win the race, yeah? It’s really important to me you all saw me do that.”
This is all said in a cacophony of crosstalk and interruption. The Director opens her mouth and shuts it again, before opening it and shutting it again. It looks as if she’s taking a minute to parse all of that, when Magnus speaks up again.
“It’s cool, though, two magic ghosts showed up and killed Captain Bane before he could kill us.”
The Director finally breaks. “What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck? What happened down there?”
“Yeah, uh, their names were, uh...” Magnus tails off.
“Bear, I remember that one,” Merle says.
“Lute?” Taako suggests. “I honestly don’t remember at all, Madam Director, next time I meet her I will defo get her name.”
“Lup,” Magnus corrects. “Bear and Lup.”
The Director has been getting more and more pale. She looks positively queasy when Taako says “Lute.”
“The Red Robes?” She squeaks, and clears her throat, before speaking with her normal gravitas. “You saw two Red Robes?”
“Uh, they were red, right?” Magnus asks.
“More of a crimson,” Merle says, hand on his chin thoughtfully.
“That’s - crimson is a shade of red, old man,” Taako cuts in.
“I’m just saying! In case there’s different types. It doesn’t hurt to be specific.”
“It seems unlikely that there’d be multiple types of evil red ghost,” Magnus says.
“Yeah, imagine showing up to your Crimson Robe meeting only to realise this is the Scarlet Robes? How embarrassing would that be? Boy, would my face match my robes.” Taako chortles.
The Director takes a second to compose herself. She’s clinging on to her staff tight, as if she’s in danger of collapsing. “What, uh, what did they say?”
“Uh, the first one said something about the Hunger that consumes all men, or something,” Taako inspects his fingernails, making a great show of his boredom.
“Yeah, Lup just kinda made fun of him, though. He was trying to be all spooky and shit,” Magnus says.
“She said to give Lucy her love. I don’t know any Lucys, though,” Merle frowns. “I knew a Suzy, could be her.”
“What - how could it be her?”
“Boys, please,” The Director cuts in. She’d very nearly smiled as Merle had spoken, but now she looked serious again. “As much as I love your antics, I need you to focus up. Did they say anything useful?”
“Uh, I don’t think so. Why?” Taako replies.
The Director blinks. “Wha - Why – Because they’re the evil league of wizards who created the Relics?” She sounds like she’s trying to keep her voice dignified and failing miserably.
“Oh, yeah, that.”
“Boys, listen, if you see them again, I want you to run. We can’t possibly risk contact with them.”
“They didn’t seem dangerous,” Magnus says, almost to himself. “Lup seemed super chill. I feel like I’d enjoy hanging out with her, if she wasn’t, like, a scary ghost.”
“I dunno, I appreciated what Bear was going for. I liked the dramatic flair. And I was pretty scared before Lup made fun of him relentlessly,” Taako replies.
“Please, you three!” Lucretia practically shouts. “Promise me, if you see them again, you won’t talk. Just run.”
Time grinds to a halt. Lucas’ mouth slows, midsentence, which they’re all pretty happy for. The Cosmoscope behind him ceases orbiting, and suddenly, the Red Robes are there.
“What’s bigger than this?” Bear asks.
“Oh, hey, it’s Bear!” Magnus says. “Hey, Bear! Hey, Lup!”
Lup waves.
“This definitely feels like the leadup to a dick joke,” Taako says.
Bear shoots a warning glance at Lup. She doesn’t say anything, but she looks like she’s biting her tongue – as much as a skeletal ghost can.
They can feel a scowl on his face. “Last time I saw you,” he rasps, in that voice they all know by now is fake, “I spoke to you about the Hunger of all living things.”
“Wait, when was that?” Merle asks, seemingly genuinely confused. Lup lets out a peal of laughter.
“When I – what? When I last saw you? In Captain Bain’s office?” His scratchy voice is gone again.
“Uh,” Merle still sounds lost.
“Okay, take my word for it. I did tell you about the Hunger.”
“The Hunger of all living things,” Lup chimes in, sounding helpful. Bear shoots her another look.
“Yes, the Hunger of all living things.” He says, and points at the Cosmoscope. “This is what it seeks. The power of creation itself -”
“You forgot your scary voice, babe,” Lup interjects.
“– A billion billion lives have been devoured by this Hunger in pursuit of its power.” He switches to that nails-on-a-chalkboard voice again without pausing. “There is no more running. This world is life’s last chance.”
“Are you two, like, evil?” Magnus says. “The Director totally said you were evil, but you just seem, like...” He tails off as Bear glares at him.
“No, go on, finish that sentence. How do I seem, Magnus?” Bear says, sounding truly fed up. “I’ve been trying my best, here.”
Lup covers her mouth, her spectral shoulders shaking with laughter.
“I was gonna say goofy but I feel bad now.”
“Goofy!” Lup cries, muffled through her hand.
“Magnus, if I had a heart, you’d have broken it.” He turns to face Lup. “You’re gonna be the fuckin’ scary one next time. I’m gonna undermine you the whole time, we’ll see how you like it.”
He disappears in another spout of flame.
“Goofy, oh my gods, Magnus,” she giggles. She takes a minute to calm herself down, visibly taking a deep breath. “Oh, uh, here. I thought this’d be a good idea. Or, a bad idea, but fun.” She holds out her Stone of Farspeech. “Who wants a magical ghost’s number?”
“I do! I do!” The three of them chant.