Chapter Text
“Hey guys!” Namjoon grins into his camera as he gets out of bed, “as you can tell from the title of this video, we’ll being doing a day in the life of BT- SHIT-”
He scowls at his throbbing toe and looks over at the Lego piece he stepped on.
“How the fuck did that even get there?”
He jumps at the sound of Seokjin’s voice.
“Y’ALL HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO COME GET YOUR BREAKFAST BEFORE I SPIT IN IT!”
Namjoon waves at the camera before scurrying off to brush his teeth.
*
“Is this vegan?” Taehyung asks, poking at his stack of pancakes.
Seokjin blinks at him whilst Yoongi side-eyes him silently before picking up some syrup.
“Who does he think he is?” Seokjin asks Namjoon who shrugs and stuffs a fried egg into his mouth.
Taehyung crosses his arms, “Do you even know the horrible things they did to the pig you’re eating right now?”
Seokjin bites down on a piece of bacon, “The same things Imma do to you if you don’t shut up and eat-”
“NAH!”
“SIT YO ASS DOWN!”
“I’m gonna be a vegetable farmer,” Taehyung slaps on a farmer’s hat that he mysteriously pulled outta his ass.
Everyone stares at him in shock.
“Are you a game character or something?” Jungkook asks in confusion.
Taehyung cocks his head to the side, “You guys don’t have an inventory?”
Yoongi drops his fork on his plate, “Yo what the fu-”
“Ight Imma head out-”
And with that Taehyung left the house on his journey to become a vegetable farmer.
Hoseok chuckles, “Guys, he’s just been learning magic tricks on…” he picks up the camera on the table, “SKILLSHARE, A LEARNING PLATFORM FOR ONLINE CLASSES-”
Seokjin rolls his eyes, “What did I say about doing promos at the dinner table?”
“It ain’t even dinner tho…” Jungkook mutters.
“But you still looking like a whole meal,” Jimin flirts with a smirk.
Jungkook blushes and can only let out a shy, “B- bro-”
Hoseok turns the camera back to him, “Jimin’s thirsty, he should STAY HYDRATED WITH SMARTWATER-”
“We’re not even sponsored by them.” Seokjin facepalms.
“Yet-”
*
Yoongi blinks at the camera screen in the dark, “Namjoon told me to film *yawns* my life for the…day of a life…in a day *smacks lips* so here we go, I guess.”
Yoongi moves the camera around the darkness, “Some of you kept asking to see my room so here it is.”
After a few angles of nothing he places the camera down on his bedside table and faces it to him. Then he curls up into his bed and falls asleep.
Jungkook suddenly barges into his room and switches on the light, “Yoongi!”
“…”
“Yoongz”
“…”
“YOONGI DOONGI!”
He had to wake up at the abomination he just heard.
“Look what I can do!”
“This better blow my fucking mind-”
“WHIP!”
Yoongi blinks, “DID YOU JUST WAKE ME UP TO WATCH YOU WHIP AT MY DOOR!”
Jungkook smirks and takes out his phone, “Nah, I’m here to keep you awake so you don’t just film yourself sleeping all day.”
“But that’s my day in a life.”
“I’m not editing footage of you just sleeping.”
Jungkook puts his phone to max volume and blasts caramelldansen.
Yoongi holds a pillow over his head, “SON OF A-”
“DANSA MED OSS KLAPPA ERA HNDER-”
Jungkook yells along with the lyrics, hands above his head and swinging his hips.
“GO AWAY!”
“OOH OOH OH WA OH WA!”
“FUCK YOU!”
Jimin says “That’s my job-” as he walks by Jungkook dancing in Yoongi’s room.
*
Taehyung looks into the camera with a pout, “Guys, it’s really hard to farm in the city, every time I think I see grass it’s just some nasty ass mould and I don’t fuck with them shits so we going organic.”
Taehyung walks into some random supermarket.
“For my day in a life I’ll be showing you guys how to eat vegan stuff like me. I mean- I started being vegan today but it feels like a year already,” he looks into the camera with a deadass expression.
“I’m practically an expert.”
Taehyung strolled into the healthiest sections he could find, “Take a look at this, we can get BEANS and lentils. I found some nuts too. I don’t think these are the kinda nuts Jimin likes eating tho-”
He smiles innocently into the camera, “He’s more of a walnut kinda guy.”
Taehyung mutters, “Something about the hard exterior or- *gasp* more BEANS!”
*
Hoseok brightens up the screen with his smile, “I’m heading to the dog café I usually visit,” he walks into the café, “I can only visit twice a week though…or else I’ll just end up living here- OH MY BABIES I’M HERE!”
He runs to his usual spot on a couch with a bunch of dogs and starts to introduce them.
“This little bitch over here is called Petunia,” A chihuahua sits on his lap, “Her trembly ass stay peeing on my fanny packs *tch*.”
He points to a German shepherd, “That’s Russell, he radiates big dick energy because he’ll probably bite your dick off-”
Russell barks, “Shut the fuck up.”
Hoseok cocks his head to side and points a nail at him, “Who do you think you’re talking to?”
The wait-staff whisper to each other, “Dumbass Dolittle’s back-”
He picks up a bulldog, “This is Rover, he’s a bit of a crackhead and his life goal is to sniff his own ass.”
“This little shit- I mean shih tzu is called Fiona, she’s all fake with her prestige self, refusing to eat my treats because they ain’t handmade.”
A poodle struts over to him, “Tatiana, you THOT! Where you been?”
Hoseok squeals at the sight of a chow chow coming up to his side, “AYE PUFFDADDY!”
After hours of footage full of him playing with dogs he finally decides to leave. He quickly pays and waves goodbye before they can question why he got a baby bump.
Hoseok speaks into his jacket, “This cutie is coming home with me-”
The Pomeranian barks, “YIP YIP YIP YIP YIP!”
“HOSEOK GET BACK HERE, STOP STEALING OUR DOGS YOU WHORE!”
Hoseok takes the Pomeranian out of his jacket and frowns at it, “Snitching headass-”
*
“Around this time of day, I usually work out in our indoor gym,” Jungkook smiles into the camera whilst running on a treadmill.
Jimin films Jungkook with his own camera, “And I usually watch- I mean help…”
After some time Jimin eventually got bored of just watching his intense workout and not making a move.
“I love watching you exercise,” he moves over to Jungkook who was on the weights machine pulling at the handles, “it reminds me of the other times I’ve seen you all hot and sweaty-”
Jungkook laughs nervously, looking at the camera on the floor in front of him before picking it up and saying, “Ah ha ha, no homo right, bro?”
Jimin crosses his arms, “Cut the cameras, deadass-”
He quickly turns the camera off and puts it down. Jimin straddles him with a smirk.
Jungkook blushes, “Jimin, you’re wildin’-”
“You haven’t fucked me in three days,” he whines before whispering into his ear, “Are you fasting or something?”
Jungkook grins when he gets it, “Oh! because you’re a tasty mea-”
“Take your shirt off, genius.”
*
Seokjin walks through the corridors with his camera in hand, “I know this is gonna shock a lot of people but, believe it or not, me looking this good isn’t effortless- well my face is, I was born handsome. I wasn’t born ripped though, so I’m heading to our gym-”
He stops at the door of the gym.
*lewd noises*
Seokjin opens the door, “Is someone really watching porn in the- NAH WHAT KINDA FUCKERY IS THIS?”
Jimin and Jungkook said in unison, “We can explain-”
“It’s pretty damn obvious what you were doing! Tell me the rule the whole house agreed on!”
“No fucking in a room that ain’t your bedroom-”
“NOW PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON AND GET OUT!”
The pair quickly do as they’re told and run past him.
Seokjin shakes his head as he watches them dash, *tch*
“Look at them scurrying like little RATS-”
*
It’s evening and all of them are sitting round the dinner table eating.
Seokjin points at his plate, “Taehyung, so you’re telling me you grew and harvested these vegetables that I cooked in less than a day?”
Taehyung nods and sips his water silently.
Yoongi confronts him, “Do you even know how to farm?”
Taehyung tips his farmer’s hat that he’s kept on for the whole day, “It’s easy, you plant the seeds, water them and they grow-”
Yoongi nods, “Alright-”
“Then you can watch a few ads to speed it up-”
“Are you deadass?” Yoongi blinks at him, dumbfounded.
Seokjin rolls his eyes, “I know you got them from supermarket anyway.”
Taehyung gasp before standing up and pointing at him, “You have no proof!”
“Sit yo Ace Attorney ass down- they were all packaged and branded.”
Taehyung sits down solemnly.
Namjoon films everything with his camera on the table as they all eat and chat. Then he can’t help but say what comes to his mind.
“What if plants have feelings too?”
Everyone is silent, Taehyung’s chopsticks clang when they hit his plate. He’s frozen.
Seokjin kisses his teeth, “Well done, Namjoon, you fucking broke him-”
“No, Tae, I’m just speculating! Well, they are living organisms- I mean they were before we cut them up and ate them-”
Taehyung spits out the lettuce in his mouth.
“Namjoon, SHUT UP!” Seokjin orders.
“I’m sorry!”
“Ah shit, he’s doing it again.” Yoongi mutters.
They watch as Taehyung slides off his chair and sits under the table.
Jimin sighs, “TaeTae, come on~”
“I’m not getting out from under this table until humans are evolved enough to eat air.”
“The longest hunger strike is recorded to be 74 days-”
“Namjoon, keep talking and we’ll see if you last that long.” Seokjin warns.
Namjoon decides to keep his mouth shut.
Jimin shakes his head when he hears Taehyung’s stomach grumble. He takes a plate of dumplings and puts it under the table, “Just pretend it’s air.”
Taehyung takes the dumplings without a word, *chewing* “ON MY MAMA I BE BREATHING-”
*
Jungkook facepalms and groans when it dawns on him how much work he has to do. He stares at his computer screen, Namjoon swearing every time he injured himself, Seokjin going on about how much of a bomb ass bitch he was and yelling at him and Jimin, Hoseok talking to animals like a fucking Disney princess and attempting a dognapping, Jimin being a thirsty little hoe and boasting about his fat ass, Taehyung cussing out fake grass, failing to plant an apple seed in a cement crack and having an existential crisis, even Yoongi who slept for most of the day decided to film the shit he does at night like the fucking vampire he is. No matter how much he edited this shit they’d get demonetised in the first three seconds.
A day in the life? More like a year off his fucking lifespan.