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Tosh was anxious. More than her usual background nervousness. It was the one day a year she usually looked forward to as one of their living cryogenically frozen residents was revived for a check up and usually a day out. She liked Tommy. He was a sweet man, long removed from his time and dealing with PTSD even in such strange circumstances. She would happily chat to him and go on a day out with him just for the company. She’d even felt herself falling for him in a way but this year her life was different than it had been. She was in a happy relationship and didn’t want to complicate things. That didn’t mean she was going to just hand her friend off because of a few complicated feelings. He didn’t deserve that. He needed a friendly face and some stability in his chaotic life. That was something she could provide.
She’d discussed it with Owen the night before. To which he’d simply told her that “as long as you don’t go and shag him you can go and play dating all you want.” He’d mostly been joking. He trusted her so that wasn’t an issue but he kind of felt sorry for Tommy. The man didn’t have a chance at life so his little day out once a year was all he had to hold on to. Not that he had any real choice in the matter. Waking him up was always a tense procedure. Defrost him too slowly and there was a high chance of hypothermia, too quickly and his cells could collapse and kill him. There was also the issue that Tommy always woke up in a panic and that was bad for whoever was closest. This time Jack caught the mans arm, mid swing, only inches from giving Owen a black eye.
“Woah, take it easy. You’re safe.” The captain assured him.
Tommys eyes darted around the room, getting his bearings as his panic began to subside.
Gwen had liked meeting Tommy. He’d seemed to be a generally nice guy. She would have gladly stayed to chat with him longer if Jack hadn’t called her away. Work had a habit of doing that. Walking around an abandoned military hospital wasn’t what she expected to be doing today. The building in itself was relatively stable but apparently time wasn’t. Jack looked perturbed.
“What’s wrong?” She asked.
He barely glanced up. “It’s getting worse. Exponentially worse.”
“How do we stop it?”
“You’re not going to like the answer to that.”
“Why?” She narrowed her eyes at him.
He sighed and explained. “Tommy’s been kept at Torchwood, frozen in time, because we knew at some point he’d save the world. We didn’t know exactly what from, or how, but we knew that one day… Of course it’d be here… Now.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” The hope in her eyes faded swiftly.
“We’ve found ways to close parts of the rift over time. It’s like sewing it shut. You have to tie it from both sides.”
“What happens if we don't?”
“Think of it like a small hole in a balloon a moment before the balloon pops.”
“And Tommy has to be on the other side to stop that happening… What’ll happen to him if he goes through?”
“He’ll go back to his original timeline.”
“Isn’t that good? I mean he can see his family or friends again.”
Jack perched on a windowsill and brushed off the dust for Gwen to join him. “I don’t know how much you would have been taught about the lower level politics during the great war.”
“I know the basics I think.”
“Tommy was in hospital, being treated for shellshock when Torchwood picked him up. Physically they considered him to be in perfect health so he had to be sent back to the trenches… I don’t blame him for saying no, but it was either back into hell or being executed for cowardice.”
“But the idea will paralyse him. It’s not his fault.”
“You know that. I know that. Hell, a lot of the men up to their necks in mud and blood know that, but the law at the time was brutal. It was fight or die… And fighting, a lot of the time, was death. Too many men went out there and never came back… Even if their bodies did.”
She took his hand and squeezed it softly. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, grounding himself. “We should call Tosh.”
“I will. You take a second, yea?”
“Yea.”
Tosh smiled as she looked out over the water. They’d had lunch and decided to just go for a quiet walk. Tommy liked the sound of the water. It was calming.
“What should we do next year? As long as we can get right back afterwards we could do whatever you like.” She said cheerily.
He shrugged lightly, his hands clasped together nervously. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”
“What’s wrong? Are you feeling alright?”
Looking into those dark eyes, filled with concern, made his heart race. “I… I’m fine. Thank you… Toshiko.”
“Hmm?”
“I know we don’t have long but… I’m glad I got to spend this time with you.”
“Oh me too. This has been nice. I don’t get to go out and just relax much.”
He leaned towards her for a kiss, almost falling as she scooted back. He realised his mistake instantly and found himself horribly embarrassed, heat rising through his face. “I… I’m sorry.. I just…”
“No. No, I should have been more clear. I didn’t mean to-”
“Is there someone? I mean of course there is.”
“Tommy. I like you. I do. And if this was last year I would have jumped at the chance but… Things have changed. I’m with Owen and I love him.”
“He’s a lucky man. I hope he knows that.” He looked out over the water and sighed. “To me last year was yesterday. Even if I’d taken the chance then… You couldn’t have waited so long for me. This is for the best.”
She took his hand. “You’re still my friend. I still care about you, that hasn’t changed.”
“I just feel like a bit of a fool now.”
“You’re not.”
A buzzing from her bag made them both jump. She dug through and grabbed her phone, answering the call.
“Hi Gwen. What’s up?”
He didn’t listen in but the way Toshikos face fell said that his day was about to be cut short.
Owen sat on the edge of the SUVs boot. Jack had called Ianto to bring the rift key from storage but Owen had insisted on coming along too. Jack perched next to him.
“Here for Tosh?”
Owen glanced over. “Yea. Mostly anyway.”
“Owen-”
“It just isn’t fair, you know? Sending him off to his death like this.”
“You know if there was any other option I’d go for it.”
“I know… What if I gave him a chance to choose.”
“You can’t.”
“Not going back. I know he has to do that or we’re all screwed but… If I give him the chance to choose how he goes out.”
“He won’t go for it.”
“Yea, but at least he’ll have the choice.”
“We can’t leave any evidence of the future.”
He took a paper packet from his jacket pocket. “These’ll only last for about twenty four hours before they naturally dissolve. No evidence left behind. I can’t save him but I can at least give him this.”
They both looked up, hearing the thrum of an engine. Toshiko drove up to the building, as careful as always. Tommy, hunkered down in the passenger seat, gave a deeply nervous look to the abandoned building. He hadn’t seen it since it was still active but it still made him shudder. Seeing the place made it real. His time with Torchwood made everything surreal and dreamlike but this place was very much real. Too real.
Owen opened the passenger side door and crouched down, seeing how far into a panic attack Tommy already was. He handed him a bottle of water and a couple of white pills.
“Here. It’ll take the edge off and hopefully stop you passing out.”
The young soldier took them and gulped them down without a second thought. He was already shaking and felt like the world was spinning.
Tosh rested a hand on his shoulder. “Slow, deep, breaths. Remember?”
He nodded and lent back in his seat, trying to steady his frayed nerves. It only took a few minutes for the pills to help ease the terror to a dull, creeping, anxiety. “Please, don’t send me back.” He whimpered, his voice betraying him.
She wished she hadn’t explained what was happening on the way, as a lump formed in her throat.
“Tosh, go and talk to Jack for a second, yea?” Said Owen, knowing how much she hated this whole situation.
She nodded and rushed off. As soon as she was out of earshot he took the paper packet and held it out.
“Tommy. Listen… You and I both know what could happen when you go back.”
“They’re going to kill me. I can’t go back to the front. I just can’t.”
“I know… I can’t stop any of that but… If you had the choice to just go to sleep and not wake up, would you take it?”
He looked up and then at the package, two capsules visible through the thin paper. “I couldn’t. I’d go to hell I…”
“Mate, you’ve already been to hell. At least this way you don’t have to suffer standing in front of the firing squad. I’m not saying you have to, but I want you to at least have the option. No one should have to go through what you did. The only cowards are the ones who made you go out there.”
He took a moment before closing his shaking hand around the small sachet. “Thank you.”
“Ready to save the world?”
“Not exactly.”
“No one ever is. Trust me.”
The ground shook as the time distortion got worse, the walls seeming to warp. Tommy held onto the rift key like it was supplying him with oxygen as he made his way to the centre of the activity. He could hear echoes of his old timeline that shot new terror into his heart. He could hear the sound of screams and shells exploding near and far. The stench of rot and mud filling his nose. He fell to his knees, eyes closed tight.
“Tommy. Can you hear me?” Tosh knelt next to him.
He was pulled from his flashback and looked into her dark eyes. “I… I’m sorry… You shouldn’t be here. You could get hurt.”
“You shouldn’t have to do this alone. I’ll be ok.”
“When I’m gone… Please don’t forget me.”
She smiled, tears running down her face. “You’re about to save the world. I could never forget you.” She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the forehead. The air crackled around them and Tommy whispered his last goodbye, leaving Tosh alone in the middle of the silent room. The monitor in her pocket said what she already knew, the rift tear had been closed. It was over, but her friend was gone. She swallowed down a sob.
The soft crunch of years of concrete debris under boots seemed to echo through the room. Owen wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into a hug, letting her cry.
Ianto watched the team leave before he dropped a folder down on Jacks desk.
“What’s this?” The captain asked. “I was sure I submitted my late reports a few nights ago.”
“You did. It’s Tommys file.”
“Yea? I’ll get my report done for it tomorrow.” He looked down sadly.
“Look at his death certificate.”
He raised an eyebrow before flicking through the thick folder, all the way back to the mans death certificate. It listed the cause of death as an acute myocardial infarction caused by a previously diagnosed pulmonary condition. There was no record of a cowardice charge for him, meaning he was allowed to die with his honourable reputation still intact. It wasn’t much of a consolation but it had probably been better for his family.