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Buying a pregnancy test at 21 wasn’t really a part of Lex’s game plan. She started getting sick a lot more than usual, she’d been more moody and tired, and she missed her last period. Luckily, since they moved she had smoked a lot less because there was less stress on her.
When she walked into the store she bought the tests, they were sandwiched between magazines so that Ethan wouldn’t be too suspicious. He thought she was buying cold medicine, he also recommended that she go to the doctors, but she wanted to wait on that. She quickly left the pharmacy and drove home. She unlocked the door and Hannah and Ethan were on the couch, watching some DVD that he’d bought at a yard sale. He paused the movie and hopped up, kissing her cheek, “Hey, babe. Did you get the stuff?”
She shifted the bag to the other hand, “Yep! I got em. Totally. I just gotta put it away now, so I’m gonna go do that,”
“Oh- I can do that if you-“
“Nope! I’m good, but thanks.” She ran so fast to the bathroom door that she had to take a breath once she reached it. They kept one of those huge cups from a gas station in the bathroom, so she filled it up and started taking the tests.
Lex got through 3 before she was sure that her bladder was empty. They all came out positive. She shoved the tests in the trash can and ripped up the magazine to cover it. Then put the unused ones behind the sink.
She looked at her nearest OB/GYN and called to schedule an appointment, they had an opening for that Wednesday, which was her off day anyways. They said that it’d be about $100-200 for an appointment and she almost started crying. They didn’t have that type of money to spend if she was going to have to go over the course of 9 months. They could barely pay their rent with Ethan’s auto repair job giving him $15 an hour and Lex working as a barista barely making 13. They finally put Hannah in a school that was a better environment than those in Hatchetfield which meant they could take more hours, but they were still decently broke. Maybe she shouldn’t have it. It was difficult to even raise Hannah, even though she was very much worth it, what if she couldn’t pay enough attention to the possible baby. She took a few deep breaths and dried her eyes. She wouldn’t let herself get too wound up in something that possibly didn’t exist yet.
When she walked back into the living room Hannah was asleep on Ethan’s shoulder while he turned down the volume on the TV. He furrowed his eyebrows and whispered at her, “You okay? You look like you’ve been crying.” Lex just waved him off and walked into their bedroom. After a few minutes he joined her. He sat down across from her in a swivel chair he took from a yard sale. “What’s wrong?”
She wiped her eyes and shrugged, “Oh it’s nothing. I’m just a little overwhelmed.” It wasn’t really a lie, she just picked her battle and went with it.
He bit down on his lip, something he only did when he didn’t know what to say. “Do you wanna talk about it? I can just leave if you want me to,”
Lex smiled and shook her head, “No, you’re good. It’s just work and shit, nothing special. I’m probably just tired,” Okay- that was a blatant lie, but even if he could somehow tell, she knew he wouldn’t press her on it.
Ethan just nodded in understanding and moved out of the swivel chair and kissed the top of her head. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I legally can’t leave anymore, so you’re stuck with me,”
She gripped his shirt, patting his chest lightly, “I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of this little thing called divorce. It’s perfectly legal as a matter of fact,”
“Oh shut up, you know we’re too broke for divorce anyways.” Money rushed into her mind again and she had to take a few deep breaths, “Lex-”
“I’m fine , babe. I just got a… hot flash.” He looked at her skeptically and checked her forehead. “I’ll head to the doctors this week. I promise you, it’ll probably be nothing though,”
He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her cheek, “I hope not. You get weird when you’re sick.” She gave him a look and he smiled at her innocently, “You remember that one time in Hatchetfield when I had to take care of you? You literally wouldn’t let go of me. Don’t get me wrong, it was adorable, but it wasn’t you.”
“Fuck you. I told you not to talk about that, it’s embarrassing. You’re like that all the time though, so don’t call me weird, you fuckin’ hypocrite,” he poked at her sides as she swatted his hands away. “I’m about to pass out so I’m gonna go say night to Banana. Come on,” she pulled him up and dragged him to Hannah’s room where she was almost passed out as well. Ethan kissed her forehead and whispered something in her ear which made her laugh. As she watched the scene Lex‘s heart swelled, he had always been so good with her. She knew he’d be a good dad, he’d brag about it constantly, it was just the question if she’d be a good mom that scared her. She didn’t exactly have many role models to help, while Ethan was a natural born softie. She tucked Hannah in tightly and reminded her that their door was always unlocked if she couldn’t sleep.
When she got back to their room she found him scrolling through his phone, but he immediately looked up when he heard her shut the door. His smile was contagious and spread to her quickly as she changed and hopped into the bed beside him. When he wrapped an arm around her she couldn’t resist melting into his side, tracing shapes into his stomach as they both drifted off to sleep.
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The next week Lex told Ethan she was going to the doctor, so he went off to work, no further questions. She dropped Hannah off at school and made her way to the obgyn. After a blood test and a sonogram the doctor came back with a clipboard, “Mrs. Foster, congratulations! You’re pregnant,”
She stared at the doctor, “Shit.”
Once she left she spent the entire car ride cursing like a sailor trying not to cry. Sge pulled over and dialed the only parent she trusted, Tom. “Lex? Hey kid! I’m kinda busy right now can I-“
“I’m pregnant.”
She could hear him choke on the other line as he responded, “A-Are you sure? Like an actual doctor said so?” She hummed to confirm, “Well, congratulations. What do you think you’re gonna do? Obviously it’s completely your choice,”
She sniffled and tried her best not to start crying, “I don’t know. I can't really- I don’t know. Ethan’s always wanted a kid but I’m not sure if we can handle one right now. I barely get to see him as it is and Hannah’s in school. I don’t know.” Her voice was cracking throughout her ramble.
“Okay. Just take a breather, hon. Have you told him yet?” His voice was calm, something she rarely heard with how hectic her life was these days.
“No. I just don’t want him to get it hopes up and then-“
“It’s okay! I get that. But I think right now, you should figure out what you want, alright?” Her breathing steadied out so he continued. “Alright, Lex. Are you at the apartment?”
“No I’m on the street though.”
“Okay, if you can, I want you to get to the apartment. When you get there write out a list, pros and cons of sorts. And then call me back when you’re done and we can go over it, okay?” She agreed and hung up.
The walk up to the apartment was one of the longest she’d ever experienced. She pulled out a pen and paper from a drawer and started. Once she finished she had filled out 2 pages of her notepad with bullet points. In the ‘pros’ column she wrote “• Babies are cute. • Hannah would be a cute aunt •I’d get time off from work. •no period cramps for a while •Ethan would be a hot/good dad. •I'd have a kid of my own.” She smiled thoughtfully as she wrote every word, but then came the ‘cons’ list. “•No money. •It’d hurt like fuck to give birth. •nine months of pure horror. •I might not be a good enough mom.” As Lex wrote the last line a tear ran down her face. She picked up the phone and tapped Tom's contact, he immediately picked up. “I wrote the list. It didn’t make me feel any better,”
He gave a sympathetic chuckle, “It wasn’t supposed to make you feel better. It’s just to help you figure some stuff out. Can you tell me what you wrote down?” She read them to him and he sighed, “You know, Jane had a lot of the same worries as you, just with less profanity. But her doubts were the same. I think every woman feels like that. I’m not sure if this does you any solace, but I saw you with Hannah for what- almost 4 years? And in all my years of teaching it’s been a rare sight to see a kid so well brought up. You did great with her Lex. She’s a great kid, and if the one you might have has a mother like that, they’ll turn out a great kid.” She didn’t expect to start crying on the phone with her shop teacher either, but here she was.
“Thanks, Mr. Houston. You sure milked my emotions but I still have no fucking clue what I’m gonna do. Okay, can I ask you another thing?” He obliged so she continued, “How should I tell him?”
He stalled, “That's not my call. You know more about him than I do. Just be honest, I guess. He’ll respect your decision no matter what you do,”
“Okay. Okay. Yeah, okay, everything’s gonna be fine, right? Okay. Thanks, I’ll probably talk to you tomorrow.” He said the same and hung up. Once the dial tone played she fell back into her bed and screamed. She usually would worry about a noise complaint but it was 3pm and all of them were at work.
Shit- it was 3pm. Ethan could come home in approximately 15 minutes with Hannah. Usually Lex would work later so they wouldn’t see each other until 6. But he was coming home in 14 minutes now, and she was still pregnant. How the fuck was she gonna tell him. Maybe she could push it off until later, until she knew what she was gonna do. He always helped her make tough decisions though, whether it was which job she should apply for or what she should wear when she went out. He’d always be there for her, but this was a decision she had to make herself. She looked it up online, “how to know if you should have a kid”, there was meditation, stuff that she’d already tried and books that cost way too much. So it was a dead end.
While she was browsing the Internet she heard a knock on the door, which meant that Hannah was in his arms. Her hypothesis was proven right when she opened the door to see Hannah curled into his shoulder, shaking as she sobbed. Lex sighed and wiped her eyes, “Bad day?”
He nodded, “Yeah, she won’t talk to me though.” She nodded at him to let her down and he did. She immediately ran into Lex, who held her hand as they walked into her bedroom.
Ethan went to the kitchen and started setting up for an early dinner because usually after a bad day, Hannah fell asleep relatively early. Lex walked out of the room after an hour with a yawn, “She’s already out.”
“Oh- okay.” He put the dinner in a Tupperware and threw it in the fridge, “What happened?”
She sat down at their “table” and explained that her teacher got her overwhelmed and a kid laughed. It was all settled, she just felt embarrassed. She leaned her head in her hands, “I just- I thought things might be different here, but they’re turning out just the same.”
He sat down across the table from her, “Lex, don’t think like that. Things are so much better than before! She just had an off day, everyone has a shitty day. For fucks sake, I had a shit day at the shop too. Speaking of, how were the doctors?”Lex’s eyes widened, but she stayed silent. His eyebrows furrowed, “Is something wrong?”
She had to tell him, he’d find out either way, but was now really the time? Hannah had a shitty day and he just told her that work sucked so the timing wasn’t ideal. But when he repeated himself, his eyes comforting and his voice soft she could help but tell him. She took a deep breath, “I’m pregnant,”
He took a minute to process it, blinking slowly with his mouth agape. Soon enough he was smiling, “Are you sure? Like tests and shit?” She nodded, she was amused by his excitement, “Holy shit, babe. That’s- Wow. Oh my fuck,”
She shut her eyes tightly, “I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Mr. Houston had me make a pros and cons list and that didn’t help-“
“Can I see it?” Lex looked at him, confused, “The list.” She nodded slowly and took it out of her pocket, his smile hadn’t diminished. He read over it with her help, “So on the cons list I think we can take two of them out of the equation. I can’t help with the pain and shit, because you’re right it’s gonna hurt like hell and it’s fair to not wanna go through that. I can always pick up an extra job though and the last ones just plain not true.” She rolled her eyes at him, “I’m serious! You’ve been parenting Banana since she was born and she turned out a-fucking-mazing. You’d be a great mom,”
She tapped her foot anxiously under the table, “It’s just that I…” she lowered her head, “I don’t wanna turn out like my mom.”
Ethan held her hand and ran his thumb over her fingers, “That won’t happen. You’ve already done better than her and you’re barely allowed to legally drink. You’ve done great things, Lexie. You’re smart. You’re brave, you’re strong. You’re everything your mom wasn’t. If you don’t wanna have a kid that’s fine, I just want you to know that you’re perfect. You’re a perfect sister, a perfect wife, and if you wanted to be you could be a perfect mom.”
She looked up at him and sniffled, “I hate you.”
He walked over and sat down next to her, “I love you too, also you’re right I'd be a smoking dad,” He waved the paper in his hand and she tried to grab it, “Not so fast, Lexie. I’m keeping this as proof that you think I’m hot.”
She was essentially straddling his lap as she tried to grab the slip, “How old are you?” He finally gave in and handed her the slip, moving his hands to her waist instead. He kissed her jaw and she combed her fingers through his curls. “As much as I’d love to make out on our kitchen table it’s 5pm and you smell like gas,”
He groaned and pecked her quickly, “Fine, I’ll go take a shower. If Split wakes up before I’m out, dinner’s in the fridge. You guys can start up without me. But tonight, we’ll continue this right?”
Lex rolled her eyes and nodded, moving to the other chair as he stood up.
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It was 3 months later and she was starting to show. Her morning sickness was getting worse and she could feel the movement in her stomach. She got a sonogram which she kept in her sock drawer.
They’d decided to tell Hannah in around the 3rd month because that’s when the doctor told her it’d be smartest to tell those around her. Also there was less room for a let down if something happened.
At their last appointment they’d found out the sex of the baby and Ethan definitely didn’t cry with Lex.
She suspected that Hannah would start to get suspicious soon enough so she figured that this would be the best time to tell her.
One night after dinner she asked her if they could talk alone, something they rarely did in California, especially since Hannah saw Ethan as a brotherly figure more recently. When they sat down on her bed Hannah spoke first saying, “Webby told me ‘big sister’. So I knew you’d talk to me today,”
Lex mentally thanked Webby for preparing Hannah, “I think Webby might’ve meant you as the big sister instead of me, Banana.” The younger sister tilted her head to the side as lex continued, “So, I’m pregnant. Which means that you’re gonna be an aunt!”
Hannah’s grin became more evident as her sister explained it further. There were a million thoughts going through her head and not a single one was bad. She loved Lex and Ethan and as far as she knew a babe would just be a smaller version of them. One that she could watch grow up. She hugged her sister tightly and laughed as she peppered kisses on her face.
Once Hannah fell asleep Lex creeped out of her bedroom and back into her own. Ethan was sitting on the edge of their bed biting his nails, “So, how’d she take it?”
She let out a breath, “Really well actually. I’m sure once it gets closer she’ll have more questions but she seems excited,” Ethan leaned back into the bed and let out a breath, she laughed as she sat down next to him, “Was that stressful for you? I am oh so very sorry,” her tone was condescending as she patted his arm.
He rolled his eyes and pulled her waist towards him, “I’m tired, let me be. I worked like 16 hours today,” She leaned into him and set her hand on his chest, “We’re gonna have a kid. How fucking crazy is that?”
Lex gave a breathy chuckle, “Pretty fucking crazy. I have this weird feeling of anxiety and excitement like all the time,” He hummed in agreement as his breath settled and his eyes shut.
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Lex worked up to the moment she felt contractions. When she felt her stomach tightening and relaxing she tried to work through it, until they became unbearable and she had to have her coworker take over while she called Ethan, her words were spoken slowly as she begged him to come pick her up. He had her stay on the phone until he drove to the back entrance of the coffee shop and walked her out.
She squeezed his hand on the console as she tried to even her breathing out, it worked until she felt another strong one and she cried out his name.
When they got to the hospital Lex tried her best not to scream at the nurse who was taking too long to enter her information.
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After 9 long hours of pure hell Margot Rose Foster-Green was born. Once she opened her eyes Lex was sure it was worth it. Her eyes were a deep brown but they lit up her whole face. She was beautiful.
When Ethan held her his face lit up and he bounced her in his arm, “She looks like you,”
She bit the side of her cheek to keep from smiling, with her strained voice she managed, “She’s a fucking baby, babe.”
He smiled at her, “Yeah I know that. She has your eyes though. And she’s adorable which is a quality she obviously gets from you,” Margot’s mouth formed into a small circle as she yawned, so he set her down in her little crib. Tom has sent them enough money to buy their own crib that Ethan figured out how to set up in their room a few weeks ago.
He sat down on the hospital bed next to Lex and combed through her hair, “Thanks.”
“I just gave birth to our fucking kid and you just said ‘thanks’. I hate you so much.”
He kissed her hair, “I don’t know what to say! Gimme a break. But we have a kid. Isn’t that wild? Like we made her. Well you make her I just helped but she’s our kid.”
She smiled as she yawned and leaned into him, “It's pretty wild. We’re parents. That’s crazy, are we ready for that?”
“Hell yeah, we are! I’ve watched too many dumbass hallmark movies not to be.” He caressed her arm and held her close to him as the nurses took Margot to the nursery. “I like that name. Margot. It fits her. How’d you choose it?”
Lex shrugged, “Hannah was talking about Mangos the other week and I started thinking about names that rhyme with fruits,” Hannah was with their neighbor, Sarah. She was a sweet woman, just a few years older than them, but Hannah immediately took a liking to her dog. It was a medium sized dog with a whole lot of fur. Ethan had asked her to pick her up when they got to the hospital.
The next morning they were both awake from Margot so once she settled down he texted Sarah and asked her if she could bring Hannah to the hospital so she could see them. Soon enough Ethan picked up Hannah in the waiting room and explained what she should expect, but nothing could’ve prepared her for the little baby screaming at the top of her lungs. Hannah widened her eyes as she entered the room, immediately covering her ears seemingly frozen. Ethan muttered a few curses under his breath as he picked her up and took her back out to the waiting room. She sat down in a seat with her knees to her chest, rocking gently. Ethan waited until she seemed to process the room around her to speak, “She was pretty loud, huh?” She nodded quickly, “I bought you something to help, because babies are usually pretty loud. You know, Lexie said that you were a loud baby too. You’d keep her up all night before school. But anyways, I got you these big clunky headphones, their back at home but once we get back I’ll give them to you, okay?” She nodded again, listening intently as he spoke, “I’m gonna have Lex tell me when she’s asleep so that she won’t be so loud. Do you think that sounds good?” She agreed and the rest of the time was spent talking about the dog.
When he got the clear, Hannah basically jumped out of her seat, shaking with excitement the entire way to the room.
When she got into the room she could see that Lex sat up a little taller and smiled a lot wider. She opened her arms up for a hug and Hannah ran into them. Lex caught her glancing into the small crib where her now niece was asleep. “Do you wanna hold her?”
Hannah looked up with wide eyes, she barely spoke as she was worried she would wake her up, but she nodded slowly.
Ethan was in the corner, letting the sisters have their moment while sneakily taking photos of the scene. As Lex rolled her over Hannah’s eyes softened as she looked down.
He smiled, happy that Lex was as clumsy as she was in high school.