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Keigo had known his soulmate was dead. He had known it for so many years now. All signs pointed to it. Whoever they were, they were definitely dead. Had been for years.
He twisted and turned his hand, watching that tiny mark in the palm of his left hand. It was completely devoid of color and the skin was dull, like the skin had died. He had lost all feeling in that area, ever since it happened.
The light hit the mark, making it shimmer ever so slightly. He dismissed it. Just a trick of the light. By the way his mark had behaved the day it happened, there was no way his soulmate could be alive. There was no hope for them. They had died, suddenly and violently.
He shuddered. What a way to go. Especially for someone so young. Well, at least he thought they had been young. He had been eleven when it happened, his soulmate was probably around that age too.
He put his glove back on. Best not to dwell on the past. Or on his soulmate. The Commission had told him, as much of a tragedy as it was, he was better off without a soulmate. A soulmate would only hinder his work as a hero. A soulmate would constantly make him worry about their safety, it would take his focus away from the greater good. A soulmate would take his focus off doing what was best for everyone.
After having secured both his gloves and put his visor back down, he took off. He shot up into the sky, carried by powerful wings. A few powerful flaps and he was well on his way. He spread his wings out fully, soaring through the sky. He felt the wind on his face, a familiar sensation, although not an unpleasant one. His headphones prevented any air from getting into his ears and disturbing his flight. Sensitive feathers picked up on tiny vibrations all around him, alerting him to what was going on. He could handle any problems with ease.
Bright red wings made him visible to everyone down below, but that was the point. In a time like this, people, both civilians and villains, needed to see heroes. It was crucial to show heroes were still out there, still ready to strike against those wishing to destroy society's order. If not, society would crumble. The signs were already there. Heroes like Hawks were needed, more than ever, to keep society from crumbling.
As he flew over the city, he spotted a couple down below. He paused, his muscles stiffening. For a moment, his speed faltered. He quickly regained his focus. He looked straight ahead, clearing his mind from all thoughts that could disturb him. Just like he had been told to do during his training.
His gaze drifted off again, allowing him to be distracted. He landed on a rooftop. He sat perched on the edge, watching what took place below him. His eyes focused at that couple again.
He would always go for what he wanted. Unfortunately, this was not something he could ever have. He could chase after it, but there was no way he would ever catch up. Because there simply was not anything there. Just pain of what he could have had. Still, he kept on chasing that illusion, because maybe he could catch up. If he just flew fast enough, if he was quick enough, if he was persistent enough, then maybe he could have what he he had wanted for so long. But deep down he knew, there simply was no way.
He ran a hand through his hair, doing nothing to tame the windswept look his hair always had. He pulled off his gloves again, first the right one. The left he pulled off slowly, heart beating faster the more his skin was exposed. He kept his eyes fixed on it, watching the mark in his palm with keen eyes.
He could not have felt that. He should not have felt that. His soulmate was dead. Dead, dead, dead. After so many years he should have learnt to accept that. But he could not.
That heartbeat, that glimmer of light he saw earlier, all tricks played on him by a wish that just would not die.
“Your soulmate is dead, Keigo.” She inhaled briefly before continuing. “But this is for the best. It will be easier for you to be here a hero without a distraction like that.”
Tears still ran down his cheeks. He knew her words were meant to be comforting, he was better off like this. But his tiny heart just could not accept it. The connection to another, a connection he had grown up with, was severed forever.
She crouched down to look him in the eyes. She put her hand on his shoulder, patting it lightly. “These things happens. What's important is that you move on. It will be hard, but you have to. For the greater good.”
He took a deep breath.
The truth was obvious. He had no soulmate, not anymore. Maybe once, but whoever they were, they were gone. Gone, gone, dead . He would never learn who they were, who they might become, what the two of them might become together. He would never be able to hug them tight, never kiss them, never whisper sweet nothings into their ear at night, no heart to heart. Nothing. Just having to live knowing what he could have had.
He took off once more, up into the vast sky. It was chilly and lonely up here.
He had wasted enough time up here. It was time he headed off to meet with his contact. It was not a pleasant business, but business nonetheless. It was his duty. After all, hero work was his priority over everything else. He needed to make a safe world for everyone, a world where heroes did not need to exist.
Dabi was already there, leaned against the wall, with his hands buried in his pockets. He regarded Keigo with a cold look on his face. “You're late, Hawks.”
“I was busy. Gotta keep up the facade after all, y'know?”
He glanced at Dabi. He had never seen a soul mark on him anywhere. He figured he was one of the lucky ones. Not everyone had to deal with what having a soulmate meant. Maybe it was easier to be a villain without one, without anyone that care for your actions, he speculated.
Not every person in the world had a soulmate. Some were lucky, or unlucky depending on how you viewed it, to have one. Others were born without that telling mark that connected their soul to another soul. And some were like Keigo. People born with that connection, but who lost it forever. Nothing could fill that hole. Nothing could compare to being connected to another person in that way. To have a heart beating in tandem with your own and feel emotions that was not yours all your life and then have nothing left a void that was hard to fill.
He was only half-listening to what Dabi had to say this time. He was used to hearing this spiel, about how he needed to commit more, how he needed to give them more to work with. Frankly, he was tired of hearing it. He had given them so much. All he could really give them at this point was his official support. As of now, that was not something he could afford to do. Not yet. A few more preparations needed to be done before his next move.
Dabi's left hand slipped out of his pocket. Keigo saw something, something that could be a trick of the light, but it could be something else. Before he gave himself time to think, he reached out and grabbed Dabi's wrist. He squinted, to be certain his eyes had not betrayed them. And they had not.
There it was, a colorful spot in the middle of the villain's palm. Primarily red, with shades of pink and gold mixed in. The colors shifted every so often, tiny variations here and there giving the mark a life of its own. There was no mistaking what it was. Whoever Dabi's soulmate was, they were alive and well, and thinking about the person they were connected to.
I don't understand who'd wanna be connected to this guy, but each to their own.
There was that sting of envy inside of him upon seeing the mark in Dabi's palm. Even a dangerous villain like Dabi, one of the most wanted men in Japan, had a soulmate.
“You have a soulmate?!”
Dabi pulled his hand back. “Why's that so weird?”
Keigo stared at his left hand. He slowly pulled off his glove and showed the villain his palm. The colorless, dead mark in his palm was easy to see. “You're one of the lucky ones.”
Dabi's mark was beautiful. So many shades of reds and splashes of other colors, all signs of a healthy and very much alive soulmate that could not stop thinking about their soulmate. Very lucky indeed.
“I don't need one. Don't need anyone thinking about me.”
Keigo's eyes darted back to his own mark. He swallowed. He was not keen on baring himself for a villain like this, but if it got him somewhere with this mission, so be it. The mission was more important than anything, even himself. He could sacrifice himself for it. So he did.
He told the villain about his dead soulmate, about how he, an eleven year old had to deal with that loss. He remembered crying when it happened, an ache in his heart like nothing he had ever felt. Like his heart being torn in half. He remembered the color slowly draining from the mark, as his soulmate's life faded away. He still could not forget that moment, more ten years later. The pain was still there, reminding of what he could have had, but could never get.
“I'd take someone thinking about me over nothing every day,” Keigo said, as he slowly looked up at Dabi.
For most of the story, Dabi had haf a look of indifference in his eyes. It was only when Keigo mentioned the violent death of his soulmate that his expression changed. It was only for a few moments, barely noticeable, but Keigo noticed it. He did not notice the tiny splash of blue that spread across his mark.
He felt that twitch in his hand again.
“But it twitched,” he said quietly.
“They're dead, Keigo. It's just phantom pains. They'll fade with time.”
It twitched again. It had not stopped with time. The pain of the past was still there. The traces of the past was still there, clear as day. And it still hurt, still tugged at his heart-strings every time.
He could not stop thinking about how young they must have been, what violent way to go. Neither him nor Dabi thought about the colors shifting in Dabi's mark. Dabi was all too used to it at this point and Keigo did not think too much about the villain's mark.
“I wonder if they thought about me when they died,” he said.
The twitching was back, stronger this time. He looked at the mark again. It was still devoid of color. He hated this pain, this occasional pain that just would not stop. His soulmate was gone. Gone.
“The information, Hawks. Don't forget why you're here.”
His eyes darted back to Dabi, boring into blue eyes. “It's Takami. Takami Keigo.”
Dabi's eyes narrowed. “Takami Keigo,” he said, tasting the name in his mouth. He repeated the name several times.
Each time he spoke, the slight twitch in Keigo's palm increased in strength, The final time he said it, Keigo knew it was not just phantom pain anymore. It was not traces from the past coming to haunt him as he had been made to think all his life. The mark had exploded with color, blues, purples, white.
His soulmate was alive and thinking about him.
It did not take him long to put the pieces together. “It's you!” He could not stop staring at the villain. Every so often, his eyes moved to look at the shifting mark in Dabi's palm. It could not be clearer.
Dabi did nothing as the hero took a step closer. Keigo leaned his head against Dabi's chest. He felt muscles tense. He heard a steady heartbeat. His own heartbeat soon matched up with it. “I thought you were dead.” His eyes were closed.
“I wanted to be.”
He still kept his eyes closed. “I'm glad you're not.”