Work Text:
A dainty knock echoed through the door.
"Come in!" Takuto called out as he gathered all of his required materials.
"Sorry for making you come in so early, Maruki-sensei… The principal said that it would be better for the students with mandatory sessions…" Kawakami huffed apologetically.
Takuto was a little surprised that he was holding therapy sessions before homeroom even began, but he was eager to help the students.
However, hearing the principal's orders left a rather bitter taste in his mouth… It was obvious that these therapy sessions were just a form of damage control to the principal… Kawakami clearly felt the same way, judging by her expression.
"It's no trouble at all. I'm just about ready, so send them in!" Takuto politely replied, grabbing his clipboard and positioning himself in his usual seat.
Kawakami gestured for the student to enter before walking off to her classroom. A tall, raven haired boy walked in with a nervous expression.
Ren…
Takuto felt his heart painfully clench at the sight of him, but forced a cheerful smile onto his face.
"Good morning, Amamiya-kun!" He greeted him, offering the boy a seat.
Ren silently nodded in response as he shut the door behind him and wandered over to the couch.
"How are you today?" The therapist asked.
Ren vaguely shrugged his shoulders as he sat down. Takuto frowned slightly at this behaviour.
"Are you alright, Amamiya-kun? You seem quieter than usual…" He remarked with worry in his voice.
Ren shifted his hands upward before a thoughtful expression engulfed his face and he lowered them back down to his lap. He blinked curiously as he noticed a notepad and pen on the table and grabbed them. Takuto tilted his head to the side while Ren scribbled on the notepad, wondering what exactly he was doing.
After finishing, Ren presented the notepad to the counselor.
"Sorry,
I can't talk today."
"Oh? Have you lost your voice? I've got some throat sweets if you need them." Takuto offered. Ren shook his head and scribbled again.
"No, nothing like that.
I have selective mutism. I have bad days where I can't speak. Today is one of those days."
Takuto's eyes widened at that revelation.
"Really? I didn't see anything about that in your profile…" He muttered with a bermused expression, flicking through the information on Ren.
"Most teachers don't believe me when I tell them.
They accuse me of lying for attention, even though I was diagnosed with it."
Takuto clicked his tongue in irritation. That was unfortunately a scenario he had seen many times.
"I see… Well, would you like to talk about that?"
"My mutism?"
"Yes, the look on your face told me that something was bothering you. Was there something that triggered this mutism?" Takuto asked, trying to push down his personal feelings on the matter and remain professional.
A troubled frown appeared on Ren's face as he glanced to the side.
"Do you know sign language?"
"I'm afraid not, no."
"I'll just stick to writing, then"
"That's a good idea. So, where do you want to start?"
"It's a little complicated… And I don't really know much…"
"That's okay. Maybe talking about it will help to clear things up. Besides, it's my job to listen to people's stories… Or read, in this case." The counselor reassured him, readying his own to take notes.
Ren silently chuckled before looking up at the ceiling as he tried to figure out where to start.
"I don't remember much from my childhood.
The doctors told me that I have a strange case of amnesia. They suspect that the amnesia and mutism may have been triggered by the same event."
A nervous pang struck Takuto's chest.
"I see… Well, what do you know?"
"I know that I'm adopted. I don't know anything about my birth parents. My adoptive parents don't know either. I had already lost my memories when they took me in."
"I see. So, do you have any idea what triggers these instances of being unable to talk?" Takuto enquired, taking a sip of his apple juice.
Ren fiddled nervously with a tuft of his hair as he considered it.
"I sometimes have flashes of something in my dreams…
I can't help but feel like it's one of the memories I've forgotten…"
"...And what exactly happens in these dreams?"
A stressed grimace engulfed Ren's face as the images flooded his mind once again.
"Blood.
Lots of blood.
And a woman's voice."
Takuto prayed that Ren wasn't able to hear his heartbeat, pounding wildly against his chest. The bespectacled man took a deep breath to compose himself before continuing his questions.
"...And does this woman's voice say anything in particular?"
Ren looked down at the floor as he tried to remember the fuzzy details.
"She says "Don't make a sound".
And then I hear her scream.
Sometimes I hear a kid's voice too, calling out for his mother."
Takuto stared at Ren, ignoring the clamminess of his hands against the clipboard as Ren wrote again, displaying his message with a troubled frown.
"I think that kid might be me."
A nervous sweat broke out on the counselor's forehead. Why? Why this story?
Ren watched the counselor closely, anticipating any advice he would give him. These dreams had been bothering him for years… He just wanted to know what the hell they were about.
"I understand… Okay… Well, R-... Amamiya-kun… Sometimes when children experience something traumatic, the brain suppresses that memory, as not to cause any extra damage… I believe that's likely what happened to you. That may be the cause of your amnesia." He explained quietly.
Ren couldn't help but feel like Takuto's explanation was a little vague… But he was the professional, so the teenager decided to just take his word for it.
"Then, how do I fix it?
Wouldn't regaining those memories help me move on?"
Ren flinched slightly as Takuto's expression darkened for a few seconds before quickly being replaced by a soft smile.
Did… Did he know something?
"Amamiya-kun. I wouldn't recommend hunting down those memories." He eventually stated.
Ren scowled in confusion.
"But… Why?"
"Not everything can be solved by facing the problem head-on. Sometimes that only causes more damage… Sometimes… It's okay to run away sometimes." Takuto concluded. His face displayed a soft smile but his eyes held a deep sadness.
Ren had no idea how to take that 'advice'... It didn't seem helpful to him… He frowned to himself as Takuto made notes on their session.
"Okay… If that's what you think is best, Sensei…
I should probably head back to lesson now."
"Are you sure? Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?" Takuto asked as Ren placed the notepad back onto the table and stood up from his seat.
Ren glanced off to the side.
There was another recurring dream of his… It felt as if he'd forgotten someone precious to him… The dream always ended with him reaching out to someone walking away…
It always made him feel like he was about to burst into tears.
Ren shook his head.
"Alright. Take care, Amamiya-kun. If any teachers give you grief today, let me know. I'll try to explain your situation to them."
Ren nodded curtly, excusing himself before exiting the Nurse's Office, shutting the door behind him.
Takuto let out a stressed huff, pushing his hair up and away from his face. Why? Why after all these years did he…? He absent-mindedly clutched his chest as he felt an ache in his heart.
Another knock at the door forced him away from that line of thought. The chestnut haired man quickly pushed that ache to the side as he hurriedly prepared for his next session.
"Come in!"
The late afternoon sun shone through the hospital window. Takuto sat next to the bed, peeling one of the apples he had brought with him.
His son was sat in the bed; his eyes dull and almost lifeless as he stared blankly down at his lap.
"I'm sorry I didn't come to visit sooner, Ren… I've been a little busy with work… But, I kept my promise to visit everyday!" The chestnut haired man apologised as he cut the apple into the shape of bunny ears.
The raven haired child didn't respond. Takuto's smile fell slightly. He'd been trying to speak to Ren for the past week, but nothing he said seemed to reach the small boy.
"Oh! I saw your teacher when I was shopping earlier! She said that she misses you and hopes you get better soon. She wants to visit you because your class made get well soon cards for you, isn't that nice of them?" He tried again, smiling sweetly. He really was grateful that Ren had all of these people who cared about him.
Ren remained silent.
Takuto's smile fell.
"Have you seen the new episodes of Featherman?" The father asked, noticing the TV in the corner of the room. "I've been watching it every morning… It's become a habit, thanks to you. There's lot of really cool scenes with Feather Red. Oh! Speaking of Feather Red, I thought you might be missing your toys, so I brought your figure!"
Takuto pulled out the action figure of the TV hero and placed it in Ren's line of sight.
"Now you can play heroes even while you're stuck here! Sound good? 'The crimson fist of justice always strikes true!'" He suggested with an excited grin, moving the figure's limbs to mimic the hero's iconic poses.
Ren didn't react.
Takuto frowned sadly.
Wasn't there… anything he could do to help?
"Here, Ren. It's about time you had a snack." He announced as he placed the small plate of apple slices onto Ren's lap.
He gently grabbed Ren's hand and slid a slice into it.
Ren softly grasped onto the food and lifted it to his mouth, munching on it slowly.
Takuto sighed in relief. At least he was eating… He watched quietly as Ren ate each slice until the plate was completely empty.
"Good boy…" He cooed softly, ruffling Ren's hair as he took back the empty plate.
As he cleaned up his bag, shoving the plate and knife back inside, Takuto heard noise from outside the window.
Rush hour had begun so dozens upon dozens of cars were now driving up and down the road.
There was a construction site nearby and the sounds of large vehicles and clanging metal were continuously echoing through the air.
There seemed to be a sudden increase in patients as there was an almost constant wail from ambulance sirens.
"Nngh…" Ren quietly groaned. Takuto noticed the slight look of discomfort on the boy's face.
"It's getting a little loud out there, huh? Lemme just close the window." Takuto remarked, attempting to start conversation again as he pushed himself off of his seat.
Ren remained silent, frowning uncomfortably as Takuto carefully pulled the window shut. The bespectacled man smiled softly as all of the sounds from outside became muffled.
"That's better, now it's nice and quiet… Okay, Ren?" He murmured, hoping that soothed his son's discomfort.
"...Qui...et…?" Ren muttered, speaking for the first time in a week.
Takuto's eyes widened as a relieved smile took over his face.
"Y-Yeah! Nice and quiet!"
"Q-Quiet…" Ren repeated once again, his voice growing shaky as he began trembling; frightened tears spilling from his eyes as he clutched onto his head.
All of Takuto's relief went flying out the window, being instantly replaced with panic.
"R-Ren?" He called out as he sat next to his son.
Ren couldn't hear him.
The raven haired boy kicked his legs as short, anxious breaths left his mouth. His entire body flailed around as he whimpered fearfully.
"Q-Quiet…! Mama! Don't go! Give… Give mama back!" The small boy screeched, viciously scratching at his own face as his flailing grew more frantic.
"H-Hey! Hey! Hey! No! Ren, stop! You're hurting yourself! Calm down!" Takuto yelped, grabbing onto Ren's hands and pulling them away from his now bleeding face.
The door was flung open as a passing doctor and nurse rushed in.
"What happened?" The nurse calmly asked.
"I-I don't know! I was just talking to him and he started freaking out!" Takuto exclaimed worriedly as Ren continued struggling against his grip.
The doctor gave him an understanding nod.
"Nurse, please get the sedative." The doctor requested, walking over to the panicked child.
The nurse rushed out of the room.
"Ren? Can you hear me? It's okay. You're safe. Your dad is right here. See? He's right next to you. Just breath, okay? Deep breaths." The doctor spoke slowly and clearly in an attempt to calm the small boy.
None of his words reached Ren.
The nurse returned holding a syringe.
"Maruki-san, I know this is difficult for you, but could you help pin him down?" The doctor requested, holding down Ren's legs and right arm.
"R-Right…" Takuto agreed with a pained grimace, pinning down Ren's chest and left arm.
The young boy wrestled against their grip with a panicked, far away look in his eyes. The doctor held onto his arm with an iron grip, stretching it up and holding it in place, allowing the nurse to inject the sedative.
Ren's frenzied breathing eventually began to steadily slow down until the sedative fully took effect.
Takuto glanced down at his sleeping son worriedly after explaining what had happened to the doctor.
"... I believe it may have been a post traumatic episode. Memories of the incident must have resurfaced due to some sort of stimuli, like certain imagery or phrasing." The doctor concluded.
"Phrasing…" Takuto muttered in realisation.
'Quiet'... Ren freaked out after he said 'quiet'... It was his fault… Although…
"Wh-What about his face…?" He enquired, glancing at the scratch marks on Ren's face.
"Yes… From our examinations, we believe he may be suffering from visual hallucinations… He was found with his mother's blood on his face, correct?" The doctor informed the worried father.
"... Yes. That's correct…" He muttered, grimacing as that memory entered his mind again, making his head throb painfully.
"It could be that he was hallucinating blood on his face again and was trying to wash it off." Suggested the doctor.
Takuto squeezed his eyes shut, holding back his hot, angry tears. He hated those burglars. Despised them. They took everything from him. They scarred Ren for life. Why did they get to live while Rumi died?!
Takuto clenched his fist as his thoughts went to a place that terrified him.
"Well, he should be fine now. The dosage we gave him will keep him asleep for a few hours, but… You can stay until visiting hours end in ten minutes, if you like." The doctor offered, flashing an understanding smile at the father.
"Yes… I will, thank you…" Takuto muttered half heartedly as the doctor exited the room, closing the door behind them.
A dejected sigh left Takuto's mouth as he sat back down next to the hospital bed, gently grabbing onto Ren's hand and stroking it with his thumb.
"I'm so sorry, Ren… It's all my fault…" He apologised, despite knowing his son couldn't hear him.
"It doesn't matter what I do… There will always be sickening people who will hurt others… Nothing I can do will change that…" He lamented, remembering his research that was no longer being funded. He looked back up at Ren's peaceful sleeping face.
"If only… If only I could free you from that horrible day… But… How could I do that?" As those thoughts left his mouth, a wave of pain pulsated through his head.
"... -eek… me…"
"Nngh! Dammit… Not again…" Takuto hissed, clutching his head. What the hell was with this voice? Why did he keep hearing it? Why?
Ren groaned quietly in his sleep, fidgeting under the covers.
"If… If you could just forget what happened… But, what could I do to… Oh. Wait… By altering a subject's cognition… By changing their heart - any related trauma is eliminated." A realisation hit the chestnut haired man as he recalled his research.
His head pulsed with pain again.
"You must seek me!"
"By changing his cognition… Ren's pain and trauma… All of it! It can be undone!"
Pain coursed through his head again.
"Seek me… I am that who manifests thought itself. I shall echo your blasphemous fury with reality so that we may together change the world… Now, call me forth!"
Takuto gritted his teeth and squeezed Ren's hand as he made up his mind.
"Yes… I'll do it. I don't care who you may be… Lend me your strength! Please… Help me save Ren's life!" Takuto pleaded, sitting up straight as he stared at Ren with a determined glare.
He wasn't going to let his son live his life full of pain! He deserved to be free! He deserved better!
A strange sensation washed over Takuto. He couldn't even begin to describe it. It made him feel powerful, yet vulnerable at the same time. Ren's brow creased up as he squeezed his father's hand, almost clinging to it desperately.
"Dad...dy…?"
A crack. Takuto's heart pounded as he felt as if something had shattered… As if reality itself had shattered…
"Wh-What was that?!" He gasped as the sensation disappeared.
"Ren! Are you alright?!" The father anxiously placed his free hand onto Ren's forehead, checking his temperature.
Normal.
As he let out a sigh of relief, Ren's onyx eyes fluttered open and looked up at him. What? The… The doctor said he would be out for a few hours… How was he awake already?! Takuto stared at Ren in surprise, debating whether or not he should call the doctor.
"U-Um… Who are you?"
…
What?
"Ha… Hahahaha… Very funny, Ren… C'mon, now's not the time for practical jokes…" Takuto weakly laughed.
Please be a joke… Please, for the love of god, please… be a joke.
"I-I'm not joking… Who are you? How do you know my name?" Ren asked, completely baffled.
Takuto felt something snap.
He stared down at his son in disbelief. No… No, there's no way… He couldn't have…
"Um… Are you okay, mister? You look really sad…" The small boy asked, sitting up and leaning closer to his father.
'Mister'…?
"This is… Were his memories really removed…? No, if that were true, that voice… But… I… I only wanted to remove those horrible memories… Why…?"
Takuto was pulled out of his thoughts by Ren gently grabbing onto his hand.
"Are you okay?" He asked again, watching Takuto carefully with a worried expression.
"O-Oh, I'm fine… I should be asking you if you're okay…" Takuto replied, putting on a brave face.
This was a dream… This was all just a dream… It had to be…
"I'm fine! I heal up really quickly! I only came here for- … For… Huh? Wh-What am I here for?" Ren grinned before a confused frown appeared.
So… He really has forgotten everything…
Takuto hid his grief behind a comforting smile.
"You heal quickly and forget quickly, huh?" He forced a chuckle. Ren pouted sulkily at his joke.
"Hey! I don't forget stuff! I just… remember it way later… Sometimes never…" He protested childishly.
Takuto chuckled for real that time. Memories or not, Ren was still Ren…
"Oh!" Takuto flinched as Ren suddenly gasped. The small boy was staring down at Takuto's bag with an excited twinkle in his eyes. Takuto followed his gaze to find the Feather Red figure.
He picked it up.
"I love Featherman! Feather Red is my favourite! He's the coolest! Can I see?! Can I see?! Please?! Is it yours?!" Ren exclaimed, bouncing up and down excitedly.
"Oh, this? This is my son's toy." Takuto replied softly.
"Oh. Sorry, I got kinda excited… I don't wanna steal…" Ren mumbled in embarrassment.
Takuto glanced down at the figure with sad eyes.
"It's okay. You can have it." He said, offering the figure to the small child.
"But… You just said it was your son's?"
Takuto averted his gaze, staring at the floor with sorrowful eyes.
"He's… gone."
Ren stared up at him with sad eyes as he took the figure and laid it on the bed next to him. He pulled himself up onto his knees and wrapped his arms around Takuto's neck.
"Wh-Wha-?"
"You looked really, really sad… I wanted to cheer you up."
Takuto teared up at his son's sweet sentiment.
No… Not his son… Not… Not anymore… He couldn't… He wanted to hug Ren, his son, back and pull him close and never let go…
But he couldn't bring himself to do it. His hand just floated hesitantly behind Ren.
"... Thank you…" Takuto whispered as Ren sat back down.
"Um… Can you come visit me again?" The raven haired boy politely requested.
"I'm sorry… I can't…" Takuto uttered.
"Oh… Okay…" Ren mumbled with a disappointed pout.
Don't…
Don't look at me like that…
The sound of the clock chiming brought Takuto back to reality. He slowly stood up from his seat, picking up his bag.
"Visiting hours are over… I have to go now…" He muttered, avoiding eye contact with the child as he walked over to the door.
"Thank you for the toy! You're really, really nice, Mister!" Ren sweetly called out as Takuto stepped through the door. The chestnut haired man simply waved goodbye and shut the door behind him.
He took a few steps away from the door.
He bit his lip as a choked sob escaped his lips.
Hot, regretful tears spilled down his cheeks.
This was for the best.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was what he had to keep telling himself.
Ren was better off this way.
This was for the best.
This was for the best...
This… This was…
For the best…
"-sei… -sensei…. Maruki-sensei."
Takuto's eyes slowly opened to find Kawakami looking down at him worriedly.
"Oh… Sorry… I must have dozed off…" The counselor apologised with a yawn.
"Are you alright? Your eyes are a little red…" The brunette enquired as Takuto stretched his aching back. He really had to stop falling asleep in chairs…
"A-Are they? I must have been dreaming…" He mumbled vaguely in response, rubbing his wet eyes.
"I just came to let you know that it's break time… There's some herbal tea in the faculty room, if you're interested." Kawakami explained.
"Ah. That sounds nice, I'd love some. Thank you." Takuto smiled gently as he composed himself.
"Okay. I'll go get you some. Keep up the good work." Kawakami puffed happily, returning Takuto's gentle smile.
As she disappeared from sight, Takuto fidgeted uncomfortably. His face felt hot. His eyes stung.
'I should wash my face…' He thought, pushing himself out of his chair and exited the Nurse's Office in search of the nearest restroom.
"Oh, you having one of those days when you can't talk?" He heard a loud voice ask. He turned around to find Ren speaking with his two blonde friends. The raven haired teen silently nodded.
"Damn, wonder why… You want me to be your voice for today?" Ryuji offered, slinging his arm around Ren's shoulders.
"Yeah… No way you could be his voice… Ren's nowhere near as vulgar as you." Ann remarked snarkily with a cheeky grin.
"Oh, can it!" Ryuji huffed with a pout as Ren laughed silently.
Despite the lack of sound, his laugh was still bright and beautiful. The crinkles by his eyes, the dimple on his left cheek, the way he had to lean on Ryuji…
Takuto watched him, pushing any and all thoughts out of his mind.
Takuto watched Ren, smiling happily. Laughing with friends. Living in blissful ignorance.
And walked away.