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How did we get here? What do I do? These are the thoughts going through Izuku’s head at the moment as he watches his partner pout, snarl quietly, and… oh… now he his throwing his controller on the table. Throwing is a harsh way of putting it, he set it down roughly.
Izuku’s green eyes look up from his computer to the TV where a game over has darkened the screen. He watches as Shoto stands and jerks on his jacket. “I’m going for a walk.” His voice is tense as irritation bubbles in his veins.
“Be safe!” Izuku finds himself holding his breath as the tall man walks away with a nod. The door shuts with a loud thud. He wouldn’t call it a slam…just rough. He release his breath slowly and looks back at the blinking cursor on his word document page.
With a sigh he stands and removes his reading glasses. He looks around their small apartment. It’s a nice townhouse in the city, not the best part of town but that was all they could afford. The living room is only barely cut off from the kitchen. The Kitchen expands a bit more than the living room and his desk sits right in the front corner so he stare at a wall in front of him during his writers block, the wall is full of sticky notes and sketches for his writing. To his right another wall and if he leans to the left he can see the living room just fine. The kitchen is small and crowded so the two can’t stand comfortably together leaving only one person cooking and doing dishes, normally Izuku.
As his green eyes move from note to note on the wall he thinks back to when the two of them had met.
College was rough. Izuku lets the bark of the tree behind him scratch him a bit, the pain helps him focus. His eyes glance up from his notebook to look at the group standing around the stair leading down a hill and to one of the male dorms. The group laughs but Izuku finds himself staring at a boy with heterochromia hair. Half white and half red. He’s breath taking. Izuku turns to a new page in his notebook and starts writing down a character profile.
He glances up every now again as he thinks of a backstory for the scar on the left side of his face. Probably the reason for his choices.
“Hey,” Izuku jumps at the voice and looks up to see the man had walked over to him. One arm above his head and resting on the tree as he stares down at the green boy. A smirk stretches his lips and his eyes, one blue and the other a gray, seems to twinkle at him with laughter. “You were staring.” He states simply.
Izuku squeaks into his notebook as his face turns red. “I-I’m sorry. I just thought you’d make a good fictional character!” He slaps his notebook to his face after the words leave his mouth. That did not come out right.
The boy laughs, it’s not loud but rather soft. “I’m Shouto Todoroki. Want to go on a walk with me?” The straightforward wording stumps the green hair boy and he simply nods and tosses his backpack over his shoulder.
Izuku pinches his nose and walks over to a cabinet to get down a cup, he fills it with tap water. Mindlessly he opens the fridge and looks over what they have. Not a lot but he should be able to make something with it. They’ll have to get drinks soon. Shouto really likes caffeine and juice. Izuku is fine with tap, it’s free.
He closes the door and walks back to his desk. Writing has become harder and harder but maybe that’s what happens when you base your main character off of a love interest. He’s wrote little scenes all throughout knowing him and falling in love with him but now that they have graduated and see each other so often the spark has died and he isn’t even sure how to write his character anymore.
His eyes glance to where Shouto was sitting on their couch, they found it on the side of the road and cleaned it real good. He knew it would be hard but some days are worse than others. The more he’s gotten to know the mostly quiet man over these last three years has taught him that but he was hoping it would have also prepared him. He thinks back to their first fight and when he saw the dual hair man at his most vulnerable.
Shouto’s fist are gripped tight at his side. “Can you stop being so naïve! I know it sucks but the world sucks! Everything’s a mess and no one cares. Anyone who can do anything just ignores it because it lines their pockets. I get that you see everything as happy and nice but you need to take the rose tinted glasses off Izuku!” As his anger increases his voice gets louder.
Izuku finds himself trying to get smaller as he brings his shoulders closer together and fidgets with his hands. He knows this. He knows the world isn’t right and people everywhere are suffering. They are suffering. He knows this. What he can’t figure out is why Shoto is so mad at him. All he did was walk into his dorm and say hello.
Shouto tosses a pillow from his bed at the wall and glares at it. “I get that nothing bad has really happened to you and so you don’t understand. I’m happy you’ve had such a great life but it’s frustrating that you have no idea what the world is actually like.” His eyes trace the phone on his desk and he just glares harder. “Bastard.”
“What did I do to make you so mad? I promise I won’t do it again.” Izuku grips the end of his shirt and keeps his face down as his voice cracks and tears stream down his face.
The taller boy sighs and runs a hand down his face as he sits heavily on his bed. “You didn’t Izu. I just…” He pauses as he glances at the boy he considers to be too fragile for this world. “My dad.” He looks to the tile floor and seems to fall into himself. “He said if I couldn’t get over my depression he’d pull his founding and I won’t get to finish my degree. I have to leave Izuku. I can’t afford this place on my own.” His voice is so small and full of uncertainty that Izuku carefully walks over to him, like Shoto is a scared animal, and sits down beside him. When their eyes meet Midoriya shivers at his intense eyes. He swears though it’s because Shoto keeps his room so cold. He always has to bring an extra jacket when he visits the boy in his dorm.
“I’m sorry,” Izuku reaches for his shoulder but stops and puts his hands in his lap instead. “Doesn’t your dad understand that’s not how mental illnesses works?” He watches the boy give a bitter laugh.
Shouto’s hand goes to the red half of his hair and pulls on it. “His son doesn’t have any issues and I’m just being difficult.” This time Izuku does pull the man beside him into a one arm hug. The weight on his side also comforts Izuku. “I didn’t choose to have this. If I could get over it I would.” He cries with shuddering shoulders.
“I’m sorry,” Shouto’s voice is horse and itchy after crying for so long.
Izuku just smiles up at him. “Don’t be. I’m happy I can be here for you.” His green curls bounce as he giggles.
Shouto looks away with a blush. “I am glad nothing bad has happened to you. I like seeing you happy.” He mumbles out with some embarrassment.
Izuku looks to the ground. “It isn’t like that.” He states softly and refuses to meet the dual man’s eyes. “Dad walked out when I was young. My only friend growing up was the guy who bullied me all the time. Told me to take a swan dive off the roof.” He gives a bitter laugh and a shaky smile as he finally looks up at the man with misty green eyes. “What else am I supposed to do but smile? Being mad or upset doesn’t fix it and I have to find something so being positive and happy is how I deal with it, so others won’t worry. What else am I supposed to do Sho?” A tear falls but he quickly catches it with his sleeve and just smiles brighter. Changing the subject and the two ignore what was said.
Izuku shakes his head and tries to get back to work. Instead he ends up researcher chronic depression and how to deal with it as a supporter. He’s lost count of how many times his eyes have scanned these pages. He could probably right a book by now about it. It’s hard though. Every now again he gets so mad about things he can’t change, like politics, wages, and anything he can’t change himself. After he’s done being angry he sulks and shoves Izuku away. It’s even affected their communication abilities.
Bills, food, or even rent and Shoto goes off the deep end and sulks for a week or two. Izuku is even considering getting a part time job. Authors aren’t paid a lot and maybe it should be just a hobby. Shouto points out how his degree really isn’t any help which makes it a waste but Izuku can’t accept that. Yet, Sho works long hours and is make all of the money right now but any applications he puts in Izuku never hears back or gets rejected.
It’s not just money though. Shouto is always worried about him being upset or unhappy and any complaint seems to dampen his mood so much that Izuku just hides it. He tries to always smile and lie to his lover. He eats once a day, when Sho comes home for dinner, so they won’t have to spend as much on food. He cleans a lot because clutter can make him upset when he hits one of his moods. Izuku even put a lot of his stuff away in boxes when Sho made a comment about how he personally doesn’t seem to have a lot. All to make him happy, to help in some way.
Izuku knows it isn’t healthy and maybe he’s developed a bit of a codependency problem by always putting the other man first but even he wants to yell at Shouto to get over himself sometimes. To tell him that he’s struggling too and hurting but stomping your feet and pouting won’t fix anything. Izuku knows he can’t help it and that’s why he never says anything, just smiles to try and make him feel better or sit quietly to stay out of his way.
He flicks to an incognito window with a sigh and pulls up some saved tabs. Police academy and different branches of the military. You can get a high rank with higher pay for a college degree and the degree itself doesn’t matter. Working as police officer some apartments will let you live there for free as long as you do extra laps there and the prescience alone can lower crime, or so they say. With the military they could travel and the medical includes health for dependents so maybe Shouto could get the help he needs. Izuku would be able to pay for everything and maybe if Shouto didn’t have to work he’d feel better. Be happier.
His eyes glances over all the information and he rubs at his temple. Izuku isn’t confident in his leading abilities. He isn’t physically fit and it’s been years since he has done some of this stuff so he might not even pass the written portion. He just wants to make everything better for Sho but he can’t bring it up to the boy because it might upset him. He’s scared Shoto won’t believe in him. Won’t support him just like with his writing. Just like their argument last month.
“It’s not a waste!” Izuku can feel the tears wanting to fall and his breath stutters with frustration. He can’t get mad. He has to smile for Shouto.
Said man runs a hand through his hair. “That’s not what I meant.” He tries to explain. “I just mean you spend too much time on your writing and research. It doesn’t even pay.” Normally the he wouldn’t push the issues of Izuku getting a part time job. He knows how happy writing makes him but Shouto wants to be able to go out or plan a vacation. All of their money goes to bills and food and what extra they have he can at best get a new game, which he bores of quickly.
“It’s not a waste. It’ll become a big hit. I can feel it!” Izuku smiles at him, though shaky, and for some reason this makes Shoto angry.
His blue and gray eye narrows and his frown drops into more of scowl. “You’ve been working on it for months and haven’t finished it. Have you even talked to a publisher yet? It’s not going anywhere because you don’t really have the motivation for it. Face reality Izuku and take off those rose tinted glasses that everything will be okay or work out. Nothing good ever happens.” Guilt floods his systems as he watches Izuku’s lips turn from a smile to a wobbly pout as round eyes overflow with tears.
He panics. “I’m sorry…I just…” He curses and turns around and grabs his jacket. “I’m going for a walk.” He slams the door behind him as he leaves. Izuku is almost relieved he just left because now he can cry openly.
Izuku isn’t without his flaws and he knows he is adding to the stress Shouto feels. He knows he has blame but lately he’s been wondering why he’s even still here. He could move back in with mom. Lately it doesn’t even feel like Shouto loves him, more like resentment. “It’s not his fault.” He mumbles to himself and closes the page again. He pulls up his word document and starts writing even though he doesn’t feel like it anymore. The character comes out more angsty then cool but it’ll have to do for right now. He’s hitting the climax of the story and he needs to think of an ending. Those are always the hardest.
The door opens and closes much softer but Izuku still hears it. He peeks around his computer to see Shouto kicking off his shoes and with a bag in his hands. He slowly walks over to the green hair boy and places a drink beside him. “They had some of that alo vera drink stuff at the store. I know you like it so I got it.” He mumbles out and kisses the top of his head. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You make everything so much better.” He whispers and stands, turning his back to Izuku. “I’ll make dinner.” He states and starts looking through the cabinets for items that will at least semi go together.
“Izuku.” Shouto calls out as he turns on the stove.
“Yeah?” The green hair man turns to look at the other. His green eyes trace the soft strains of the red and white hair.
“I love you.” The words come out so confident but the blush on his face shows embarrassment.
Izuku grins brightly. “I love you too!” The other nods and turns back to the oven.
They have their problems but they just can’t stay away from each other. Love is a strange thing like that. You’ll put up with a lot more and forgive faster even when you shouldn’t. They’ll be okay, it’s just a rough patch.