Chapter Text
Kuroo was flying away, strong wings sending him up into the endless expanse of sky. Flying had always been effortless for him, but today it was anything but. With powerful movements he ascended, not further across the earth, away but up and up and up. Up in the sky where the air was thinner and it was harder to breathe and the whole world was below him, where he was the one in complete control of his life. The tears stung at his eyes and between the sobs and the panting and the air it was harder to breathe.
And so, at one point he just stopped flying.
For a moment he was frozen in time, dark wings spread and body arched gracefully, and the next he was falling, beginning his swift descent towards the ground. The wind whipped around him and his already teary eyes stung and watered more.
Kei watched as Tetsurou fell, his heart aching and breaking even more, and he wished that he had wings so he could leap off the building and catch him, but he was completely useless. He closed his eyes and wept, not wanting to see what happened, not understanding what was going on, because first Tetsurou had cried, and then he had run, and now this.
And then, the air around him seemed to shift as with powerful strokes — unmistakably the movement of wings — wind and a few loose feathers were sent swirling around him. He heard the sobs, that horribly familiar and heart wrenching sound, and he found himself in Kuroo's arms. "I'm sorry, Kei, I'm so sorry. I'm scared, I don't know what to do or how to help and I hurt you and — fuck, I'm such a mess — and I just ran because I didn't know what else to do and I didn't know and I just didn't want to lose you or be the reason that I lost you and everything's just so hard and-"
The third year sobbed and pulled Kei closer, continuing to ramble as he cried and tried to explain himself. Tsukishima was crying as well, whatever it was that Kuroo was saying having stopped making sense as he thought about everything. Maybe he hadn't messed things up, because Tetsu came right back to him, Tetsu was here now and he was holding him close and apologising for something that Kei thought he didn't need to apologise for.
"I love you, Tetsu," he mumbled, cupping his cheeks and giving him a small smile through his tears. "You came back, I'm glad. How are we supposed to help each other if you don't answer when I call you? Tetsurou, you idiot, stop scaring me like that! I love you and you love me, so even if I'm sad I'll be here for you. We'll get through it together, that's what'll make me happy, so stop crying and tell me what's wrong. Then you can help me with my issues, Tetsu." It hurt him even more to see that face so full of sadness and guilt, tan cheeks tear stained and hazel eyes glossy and watering. He wanted to see him smiling again, just like he had when Kei had woken up that morning.
Tetsurou's eyes widened a little, and a few more tears slipped out, which Kei brushed away with his thumbs. "Oh, Kei," he whispered, his voice so small compared to how it usually was. "I love you, I really do." Placing his hands on top of the blond's smaller ones, he continued to speak. "I'm sorry for running, I should have come when you called me the first time. I know I already said this, but I was just scared. I didn't want to upset you or make things worse, and I didn't know what to do to help you, what would be best. It's really hard for me, seeing you like this, when all I want for you is to be happy. I can't help but blame myself, since I'm never there when you really need me and when I am I don't know how to help as much as Bokuto or Yamaguchi. I can't help but feel useless sometimes."
Kei frowned at that and shook his head, sitting up so that he was kneeling, yet still cupping his cheeks. He pressed a few gentle kisses to Tetsurou's forehead and then one to the tip of his nose. "I know that I've made things hard, I know that when I fall into one of my episodes that it's scary, and I know I'm not the easiest person to look after. I'm sorry for hurting you, for worrying you and for making you cry. But I know that you don't blame me for struggling, that you don't mind helping me even when it hurts you to see me this way because you want to be there for me, and I need you to know that I don't blame you for being upset and getting overwhelmed either. Tetsu, it's hard for you, especially with me being the way I am. Maybe there are times when other people can look after me in a way that you don't know how, but I can promise you, that doesn't make you useless. There are ways that they can't help me that you can, things that only you can do to help me feel better. You won't always be able to help me, that's the reality of it. You can't change the past, nor can you change the fact that after today we'll be hours away from each other, but that doesn't change the fact that you love me and it doesn't stop you from being able to help me. It just means you have to help me in a different way than if we were in person, Tetsu. It was never going to be easy, it never has been, but we'll make it work together."
"I- you're right. We'll talk every day, yeah? Even if it's just a text in the morning and the evening, we'll make time. Our training starts around the same time as your team's, right? We can call on the walk to school or on the way home or at lunch time or something, and Skype on the weekends and stuff. It won't be the same as in person, but we can make it work." Kuroo sniffled a bit, yet smiled and guided Kei's hands to be resting on his lower back, before moving to embrace him in another hug. "Thank you, Kei, for talking with me I mean. It means a lot that you would still do that for me even despite everything going on at the moment. Do you, uh, want to share as well?"
"I'm just scared, Tetsu, because I don't want to leave today, but if I don't leave today I don't think I'll ever be able to. I'm not always going to be able to be with you in person and that scares me, but I know I need to be able to get though things on my own as well." He nuzzled into Kuroo's hair and sighed softly, moving his hands so he could wrap his arms properly around the dark haired male. "I just want to spend as much time together as I can, but I've already wasted a lot of it because of what happened. We haven't even had breakfast yet, but it's probably already morning tea break. We'll be going in a few hours and the thought of not seeing you in person, not being able to cuddle you and everything, it's daunting. I'll miss you so much, Tetsu."
"I know, Kei, I'll miss you too. But, we don't have to leave each other yet, you know? We still have these few hours left that we can make the most of, there's still time. Even if you don't feel happy, I'll try my best to make it a good day from here on out, okay?"
Tsukishima smiled, feeling some of his worries dissipate, some of the weight lifted off his shoulders. "Yeah, okay. That sounds nice."
The pair continued to talk together, about everything that they wanted to and needed to before they parted ways. Kuroo was patient and loving, understanding and kind. He helped, soothing Kei, assuring him that things would be alright with the same gentleness and caring nature that he'd always had. The blond spilled out all of his worries, all of his fears, and Tetsurou treated each one seriously, never once looking annoyed or frustrated with him and replying in ways that only he could. They talked about Kei’s fears of dating long distance if they were to decide to do that, of not being good enough, and of someone else coming along, among other things. There were some things he could only talk to Kuroo about, and though it took some time, they held each other and talked through it while they had the time to.
They could get through this, and they would get through this, together.
x-X-x
The rest of the day certainly went better than the beginning of it, that was for certain. Kei clearly was feeling much better than he had been after talking, yet he still wasn't really up for doing much. After they ate breakfast together, he sat to the side and watched Kuroo play. He was in his fluffy, oversized black sweater again that smelled like Tetsurou now, Rex in his arms, leaning against the wall and just observing everything going on while they played. He also thought, long and hard about what he wanted to do and wanted to say before he left, so that he wouldn’t regret things later on.
As it turned out, they completely missed the morning tea break and so the next one was the lunch break, which was a barbecue organised by the teachers. Kei didn't eat much since he'd only just had breakfast, but he had a few pieces of meat at the insistence of Bokuto, Kuroo, Hinata and Lev. It was more amusing to watch Bokuto steal people's food, anyways, and listen to them talk whilst staying close to Tetsurou.
When he wasn't playing volleyball, he was by Kei's side, usually hugging him or at least being very close to him in some way. It was pleasant, and though he still was scared to leave, there was a part of him that knew it would be okay in the end.
Yamaguchi had made sure he was okay as well, and when he had a break he came over and checked up on him. The freckled boy was relieved to see him feeling so much better especially after that morning, and he played well the couple of times he went on to have a go at serving and just playing on the court.
At the moment, he was talking (more like arguing but in a friendly way) with Bokuto and Lev about what was better; owls, dinosaurs or cats. Kei didn’t know how the hell they’d gotten to this, but obviously Bokuto, Lev and Hinata had a questionable influence on him. He didn’t know whether to relax and enjoy it, or feel halfhearted annoyed at himself that he was partaking in such a childish activity, because it was actually kind of fun and he felt himself enjoying the time there with them.
All three of them were well informed on their respective creatures, so it was a close battle. They each were very opinionated when it came to their favourite animals. "Dinosaurs are clearly the superior species. If you were to put all of the dinosaurs that ever existed against all the cats and all the owls, the dinosaurs would win for sure!" Tsukishima replied to what Lev had just said indignantly, clearly defensive about them.
"Hey, hey, Tsukki makes a decent point, Lev," Bokuto said thoughtfully, before grinning victoriously in realisation of one important fact. "But all the dinosaurs are dead, so they'd just be a pile of bones against the owls and cats and it would be one of our animals that would win. Owls are the best!"
Kei gasped dramatically and pouted, shaking his head in disbelief as Lev nodded excitedly. "And then the cats would win because we've got lions and all the other big cats on our side! They’re fast and can jump and stuff so they would beat the owls for sure," the silver haired teen said proudly, also grinning.
"I can’t believe you two,” Kei murmured, rolling his eyes and glancing over to a Kenma and Hinata to see what those two were doing and if they would be interested in talking, because he was mildly insulted that the two he was talking with were dissing dinosaurs. What wasn’t there to love about the creatures? They were fascinating, and there was always so much to learn about them. When he saw that Kenma and Hinata were kissing, he spluttered, flushed bright red and buried his face in Kuroo’s chest, embarrassed that he’d seen that even if the pair didn’t really seem to care who was looking. Tetsurou laughed gently and hugged him, giving him one of those smiles that made a warmth spread in his chest and brought a smile to his own lips.
It was nice, it really was, and the rest of their afternoon continued to be that way as well. The volleyball games were close and fun to watch, and though he wasn’t playing, Kei felt happy seeing everyone else enjoying themselves in the last games of the day. It assured some of his earlier worries, because he hadn’t completely messed up and made the day horrible for others.
The only problem was the speed at which the time flew by, the day progressing speedily. Before he knew it, they were approaching the last few minutes of the last practice games, and then they were preparing to go onto the bus back home.
First was the goodbye to Lev (a hug from the enthusiastic half Russian and a promise to continue their discussion about cats and dinosaurs later on). Then, it was Kenma, who showed him where that dinosaur zoo game was in the App Store, waited for Kei to download it, and friended him on it so they could play together sometime. Also involved was Kenma blushing a dark shade as the taller blond asked him about his relationship with Hinata. “We’re dating now,” Kenma had said, before said orange haired middle blocker bounded over to say goodbye and presumably give him more hugs and kisses and other affections that the setter couldn’t bring himself to refuse.
Akaashi said goodbye to him next, giving him a kind smile and a thumbs up. “I know it might be hard, but things will get better for you, I promise. I’ll keep in touch, of course, but if you ever need anything, be it advice, help with school or a favour to do with Kou or Kuroo, just let me know. You’re one of my friends even if we didn’t get as much of a chance to talk this training camp, and I look forward to seeing you again,” he said, gently placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Thank you, Akaashi, I appreciate everything you’ve done to help out this week, and for being there for Koutarou. If you need anything, let me know as well, but mostly can you please just keep on being there for them. I know you will, but I’m glad that they have you. It’s less to worry about, since I know they’ll have someone reliable to help them.” Tsukishima smiled softly at him, before laughing a little at the thought of the story Kuroo had told him about them finding animals in an alleyway. “We’ll have to get around to reading those books, I think. Some of the ones you told me about seem really interesting, and it’ll give me something to do when I can’t sleep.”
Keiji nodded and hummed a bit in agreement. “Yes, I’ve heard some good things about some of the ones you suggested too, but I’ve not gotten around to reading them. Make sure you don’t stay up too late, though, or else I’ll send Kou to bug you instead of bothering me with owl facts and memes when he can’t sleep,” he said, glancing to Bokuto who was walking over after talking with Yamaguchi.
“Hey, Hey, HEY! TSUKKI!” The captain perked up when he saw him and ran over, grinning brightly as he hugged him. “I’m gonna miss having you around. ‘Kaashi doesn’t share our sentiment when it comes to running,” he said with a pout, pulling away and slinging his arm around his shoulder. “I’ve been a bit lax with sending you owl memes since you’ve been here and I’ve seen you in person, but be prepared because I have too many saved on my phone and I have to share them with you before I delete them so I can download more. So make sure to send me lots of dinosaur stuff too, because it’s fun talking about that sort of stuff with you!”
“Yeah, sure, I can do that. I might enjoy hearing about owls, just a little bit...” Tsukishima smiled and blushed slightly, embarrassed about admitting that but not really minding, since it was Bokuto, before his expression softened. “Don’t be a stranger, alright? You’re one of my close friends, and I’d like it if we could keep in touch about day to day stuff as well as just dinosaurs and owls and that. If you ever don’t feel great, of course let Akaashi know, but I’m here for you as well.”
Koutarou smiled and nodded, saying, “Of course, Kei! And it goes without saying, any time you need me just let me know and I’ll help you out as best I can. Even if it’s the middle of the night, call and I’ll answer. I don’t get great sleep some nights anyways, even if I’m better than I used to be, so I get how you feel. We gotta stick together, m’kay!”
“Yeah, just, I really, really appreciate everything, Koutarou. If not for you being here, I would have been a lot worse off and I don’t know where I’d be without you helping me through some of the things that happened.” Kei sighed shakily, before moving to hug Bokuto properly, relaxing as the third year returned the hug gently. “I’m grateful for your support and I want you to know that. I’m still working on my relationship with my brother, so it’s nice to have a brother figure in my life, and someone who actually understands how I feel.”
“Hey, it’s okay, really. I care about you, Kei, so it’s no problem for me to help you. I want to be able to play volleyball with you one day and go on a double date with you and Tetsu, and see you graduate and do whatever the hell you want when you get out of school. You’re like a brother to me too, and I want to see you happy, and I know if our positions were reversed you’d do the same. I want you to have someone there for you that understands you, because I never had someone that understood how it feels to feel that way and to really struggle there to help me through things. I believe that you can get through this stronger than you ever were, that even though things are hard right now that there is a light on the other end of the tunnel.” Bokuto slowly pulled away and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, and smiled at him. “I’ll always be here for you, so don’t be afraid to talk to me about anything and everything you need to, especially if it’s something you’re afraid to tell some of the others. I’ve got your back!”
Kei smiled at him and nodded, thanking him once more before turning to find the last person he wanted to say goodbye to. He didn’t want to say goodbye, to have to leave, but at the same time he knew it would all be okay. Even if they weren’t there together, they would still be there for each other.
Tetsurou was saying goodbye to Daichi and Sugawara, standing away from most of the other people. When their eyes met, he sent a loving smile to Kei and opened his arms, silently welcoming him over. Not for the first time that camp, Tsukishima hurried over, flinging himself into his embrace and clinging to Tetsurou. The third year had been prepared for it, and held him close, wrapping those soft, dark wings around him. Kei was back home at last, happy and safe and at home in those arms with Kuroo.
“Tetsu, oh Tetsu, I love you so much,” he told him, looking into those hazel eyes and finding so much love directed at him. There was no need for Kuroo to even reply verbally, with that look telling him everything that he needed to know and more. That smile, the one he loved so much, filled him with so much joy from the bottom of his heart, overflowing until he was beaming back at Tetsurou with just as much love because he couldn’t help but express that.
Kuroo hummed softly and pulled him in closer, their foreheads pressed against each other as they looked into each other’s eyes. “I love you too, Moonshine, I’ll always love you,” he whispered, each syllable full of warmth and kindness and nothing but love. There was no need to talk about things like Kei had done with Bokuto and Akaashi, they’d already gone over it that morning. Right now, it was just the two of them enjoying their time together, and Tsukishima was going to do just that. Tetsurou had warmed his heart, he loved him even when he was wingless and struggling, and he cared for him for who he was.
Tsukishima was nervous about what he had planned to do, the fears and worries still present deep inside, but he’d thought long and hard about this during the matches. Kuroo loved him, and it would all be okay in the end, so he wanted to do this before he left.
“I know, Tetsu, I know,” Kei murmured in return, his eyes brighter than they’d been all camp even when they were about to leave each other. Hesitantly, he leaned in closer, bridging the small gap between their lips. The kiss was feather soft, innocent and loving, and only for a moment before Kei pulled away. Still, a large blush had spread across both of their cheeks, their hearts were beating faster, and that small kiss had meant the world to the both of them. “I’m still not sure if I’m ready for a relationship yet, but then again, when is anyone ever ready? I really do love you, Tetsu, and I’ll always be yours even if we’re far apart. I’m yours, that much I know for sure. Even if we can’t go on a date until next time we see each other, wait for me, okay?”
Tetsurou had been surprised, but also overjoyed, and cupped his cheek. He leaned in and gave him one more gentle kiss, a shy smile to accompany the caring and joyful look in his eyes. “Always, Kei. I love you, my heart belongs to you as well. We’ll get through this, everything will be okay. My sweet, handsome Moonshine~” he cooed, continuing to hug him. “You just wait, I’ll make it worth your while, okay?”
“I don’t doubt you will, Tetsu,” Kei replied with a smile, humming softly and burying his head in the crook of the third year’s neck. They stayed together like that, swaying gently along with the breeze and whatever song it was Tetsurou had began to hum, until Yamaguchi had approached them.
“Tsukki, it’s time to go,” the server said softly, glancing towards Kuroo with an approving smile before holding out his hand to the blond.
The embrace lasted for a little longer, lingering, before Kei reluctantly pulled away and took the hand Yamaguchi offered. “I love you, Tetsu,” he murmured once more, giving a loving smile and a small wave to him as they began to walk. “See you later, okay?”
Tetsurou nodded and returned the smile with one of his own, walking beside them as Tadashi lead the pair of them to the bus so that he could say one last thing. “I love you, Moonshine. Have a safe trip back, love.”
Kei didn’t reply, but smiled at him, before heading inside the vehicle and sitting down. Immediately, there was an ache of loneliness in his heart, and he desperately wished he could be back in Kuroo’s arms once more. He buckled up, putting on his headphones, and prepared for the long bus ride back as Takeda began to drive out the school.
So much had happened over the past five days, and Kei knew this would continue to change him for the better, even if he had been through a lot of bad stuff.
Tsukishima Kei pulled out his phone, and sent a message to the group chat with all of his new friends in it, starting up a conversation. He was wingless, but he wasn’t broken, and there was no reason that he had to be lonely, either.
“Thank you for convincing me to come, Tadashi,” he murmured, looking up from his phone and giving his friend a smile. “It was worth it all, even the bad things.”
Tadashi grinned back and gave him a thumbs up. “Of course, Tsukki!”
Once again, Kei smiled, looking up at the sky through the window of the bus. The future wasn’t necessarily going to be easy, it certainly would have its hardships, but things would get better. He had Tetsurou now, and everyone else that he’d made friends with on this camp. He had Akiteru and Yamaguchi, and maybe he would have the rest of Karasuno to support him as well one day. As Kei looked around, and at the conversation on the phone, he saw a future, a life that would be worth living even despite the bad things in the world, a life that was worth living winglessly.