Work Text:
-1
It started right at the beginning of his freshman year at Harvard. It was the first weekend of the school year, and a heatwave had hit Massachusetts. So he was laying in what used to be his and Jack’s bathtub but was now Chow and Lardo’s bathtub in nothing but his underwear, letting the cool ceramic permeate his skin. Sitting on the counter was Lardo, shaving her legs in the sink.
“So, Lards. Question.” Shitty said.
“Yeah?” She stopped shaving for a second to look down at him.
“You and I both know that you don’t shave your legs to uphold some bullshit patriarchal beauty standards. So, why do you still do it?”
“It just feels nice. That’s all. It feels good.” She rinsed off her leg and grabbed a bottle of aftershave, gently rubbing it into her skin. Shitty was suddenly hit with curiosity. So he sat up, propped himself onto the other side of the counter, and reached toward Lardo’s razor.
“May I?” He asked.
“Oh, yeah, of course. Here.” She turned on the faucet, and splashed some water onto Shitty’s legs. Then, she grabbed shaving cream, and began applying it to his skin.
“Okay, so, you’re gonna wanna shave against the hair, not with it. It’s not like shaving your face…”
When Shitty had finished shaving, and band-aids were applied to the spots where he fucked up and nicked himself, he took a second to look down at his legs. He silently reached out and touched his thigh. Lardo was right, it did feel nice.
But looking down, seeing himself with bare legs, something clicked. It was like his whole life he was missing a step on his way down the stairs. So often he got used to it. But looking at himself, it felt like he had actually made it down the stairs properly for the first time.
That was an awful metaphor. He might’ve still been a little high.
But he didn’t have the time to examine why this small thing felt like such a big shift. He had a kegster to prepare for.
On his way back to Harvard, he picked up a razor and some shaving cream for himself.
---
-2
He didn’t think of it again until Halloween. He didn’t want to go to some mixer with the uptight Harvard boys, so he found himself at Samwell. Holster was so sick he could barely breathe, but there was no way in hell he was missing out on his last Halloween kegster. So Shitty found himself at CVS, picking up medicine. On his way to the checkout aisle, he passed the makeup section. And stared for a few seconds. On a whim, he grabbed an eyeliner, mascara, and red lipstick, throwing them into his cart before continuing to checkout.
He was sitting on the floor of the room that used to be his, leaning towards the full body mirror as he attempted to get the wings of his eyeliner even. He had no idea how Lardo made it look so effortless.
Speak of the devil, the door cracked open. “Need some help?” She didn’t even skip a beat. That was what he liked about Lardo. She didn’t question things.
“Yes. Please.” He looked up at her. She laughed at him, before grabbing a makeup wipe from her bathroom. When she came back, she had her makeup bag with her. She crouched on the floor next to him, wiped off his failed attempt, and grabbed a bottle of something from her bag.
“What’s that?” He asked as Lardo started rubbing it into her face.
“Moisturizer. Gotta take care of your skin.”
When she was done, he turned to look at himself in the mirror. Her foundation was too pale for him, but he didn’t mind. He stared at himself, and got the same feeling that he did when he first shaved his legs. That something had been wrong all his life but now it was right.
He didn’t do a full face of makeup every day, but he did find himself wearing it more often than not.
---
-3
Spring in Massachusetts wasn’t his favorite season, but the fact that he was soon going to move in with some of his favorite people made it sweeter. The fact that he was going to share a room with Lardo made it sweeter. The fact that he was going to share a bed with her. They had yet to talk about the thing that they had going on, but it was definitely something. And he felt good about it.
They were working on furnishing their new apartment, and Shitty was in charge of returning a couple of kitchen supplies that they had accidentally bought duplicates of.
He waited in the line, and when he got to the front, he saw that the customer service worker couldn’t be older than 17.
“Hi! Welcome! If you’ll give me a second, I gotta call my manager real quick.” The kid explained, looking awfully flustered.
“Oh, not a problem.” Shitty smiled at them.
“Thank you, sir! Or, erm, ma’am? Respected person? I don’t know the gender-neutral term for that kind of thing. Wait, I’m sorry, I know I’m not supposed to assume, but it’s just, the makeup, and the mustache. What are your pronouns? Oh my god, phone.” They didn’t let Shitty respond to any of their questions, mashing buttons on the phone and pulling it to their ear. Shitty couldn’t help but smile. They reminded him of Chowder.
“Yeah. Uh-huh. I don’t know. I can’t do that right now. I’ve got someone here and I think they need to return something. Well I can’t just have them stand here. No, I already started helping them. Okay, lemme just finish up with this person. Cool. Yeah. Uh-huh. Bye.” They hung up the phone and then turned to Shitty.
“Sorry about that, what did you need?”
“Oh, I just gotta return these pans. Turned out my roommates bought some too without telling me.” Shitty smiled.
“That’s not a problem at all! You got the receipt?”
“Yeah, here you go brah.”
There it was again. That feeling of something right, clicking into place. It was happening to him more and more often lately. He liked that the cashier was confused. He liked it when they referred to him as ‘they’ instead of ‘he’.
---
-4
It was their first official night of living together. Shitty was on cloud nine. Even if there was a mysterious fifth roommate that fucking hated them. He was so happy. The orange glow of a street lamp was the only thing illuminating Shitty and Lardo’s room as they shared a celebratory joint. He held the joint toward Lardo, who was tucked under his arm. She took a hit, and then returned her head to his chest. Shitty brought the joint back to his mouth. It was as quiet as it could be in the city at 3 am, but it was still peaceful.
“Hey, Shits?” Lardo finally broke the silence between them.
“Yeah? What’s up?”
“I think we need to talk about, you know. This.” Lardo waved her hand toward the two of them.
“Yeah, I think we need to.” He pressed the joint out on the ashtray on their windowsill, and set it down. “I don’t know about you, but I want us to be something. I think we have been something. But I want to put a more concrete name to it.”
“Yeah. Yeah. I want it too.” There were a couple of seconds of silence. “Shitty, will you be my boyfriend?”
Shitty thought that he would have been overjoyed by that question. He wanted to be official with her. But something about the word boyfriend made something in his stomach shift, and it wasn’t good.
“I-” He froze up.
“Oh fuck, are you okay? Are we not on the same page here?” She leaned away from him.
“No, no, come back.” Shitty grabbed the back of her tank top and pulled her back in. “I want to date you. I do. We are on the same page. It’s just...the word boyfriend. I want to date you. But I don’t want to be your boyfriend. Is there something else you can call me?” He was a little embarrassed at how the words spilled out.
“Okay. Shitty Knight, would you be my partner?”
There it was. The giddy feeling that he expected.
“Of course.” He smiled at her. Lardo reached up, delicately ran her fingers against his cheekbones, and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth.
“My beautiful partner.” She whispered against his lips.
He was beginning to get used to the feeling of things feeling right for the very first time, but he still didn’t have a name for it.
---
-5
Shitty was starting to piece things together. They didn’t have any concrete ideas or anything, and they certainly hadn't put their thoughts into words yet.
Lardo was gracious. She made the transition seamlessly, almost like things had been the way they were. They relished the feeling of hearing the words ‘This is Shitty, they’re my partner’ come out of her mouth.
They hadn’t told anyone else, and they hadn’t actually told Lardo anything, she had just pieced it together. They would, eventually. They weren’t afraid of negative reactions from their friends. But they needed to define things for themself before they came out to anyone.
They entered the apartment, saying hi to Ransom and Holster, who were playing Smash on the couch, and heading straight to their room. Lardo was sitting on the floor, painting something. Shitty dropped their backpack and flopped onto the bed.
“Hey Shits, rough day?” She asked, looking up at them.
“If I have to spend one more day listening to these Harvard bitches bullshit I might actually punch a dude.”
“As ‘swasome as that would be, please don’t. I’d actually like to be able to watch my partner graduate.” She snorted, and returned to her paintings.
“You already did watch your partner graduate. I gave you my dibs. You cried.” They smirked at her.
“That doesn’t count. You weren’t my partner back then.”
“So, what are you working on?” He asked, rolling over on the bed so that he was facing the ceiling.
“Oh, just something small. I’m waiting for the details for that one commission to come in.”
Later that night, after they ate dinner with their brahs and took a shower, they walked into their bedroom.
And noticed a new addition to their bedside table. There was a painting that Lardo had painted them years ago, when they first came out as pan. It was a landscape, incorporating the colors and layouts of the pan flag. That wasn’t new. What was new was the companion piece sitting next to it. Very similar, but freshly painted, with the distinct colors of the nonbinary flag.
“Lards.” They didn’t trust their voice to not waver, so they didn’t say any more than that.
“Do you like it?” She asked from where she was laying on their bed.
Shitty didn’t answer. They just dove forward and crushed her in a hug.
---
+1
To say that they were nervous was an understatement. This was the first time that they were going to see everyone in person since they came out. Sure, they were supportive over text, but they might be different when they were actually standing right in front of them.
They took a breath, and checked their appearance in the mirror one last time. They were working on regrowing their flow, which currently fell to around their cheekbones. Their mustache was freshly trimmed. They had gotten better at makeup, which was evidenced by the almost flawless application on their face. They were wearing the same shirt they did for every pride, a simple black tank top with a pan flag on it. Lardo had a matching one with the bi flag. Their legs were freshly shaven.
But most important of all, was the flag hung over their shoulders, pinned at the neck so they could wear it like a cape. Yellow, white, purple, and black. They took a deep breath. They could do this. The door creaked open.
“Hey, are you just gonna stare at yourself all day or are you actually going to get a move on. If you don’t get in the car soon you know Holtzy will take control of the aux and we’ll be listening to showtunes the whole time.” She smirked at them.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming.” They grabbed their phone, and left to get in the car.
They all agreed to meet up at the Haus. It seemed that their group were the last ones to arrive, based on everyone sprawled out across the porch.
They were greeted with hugs as soon as they exited the car. Shitty smiled, wrapping their arms around the group as well as they could. Finally, the group dispersed enough for them to give Jack an individual hug.
“Damn, brah! That ass is getting finer and finer every day! How has my favorite boy been?” They smirked at Jack, elbowing him.
“Hey Lardo, tell your partner that if they don’t stop flirting with my boyfriend that they’re not getting any pie!” Bitty called from the open kitchen window.
It was one thing to be accepted over a skype conversation. It was another for their friends to actually use their pronouns without even skipping a beat. They smiled. Gender euphoria was a wondrous feeling.