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Regret, in Hamid’s opinion, was a feeling that should be reserved for those things worthy of it. Those things which, when looked back on with regret, could feasibly result in changed behaviour leading to a better outcome. In any other case, regret was at best unhelpful and at worst completely paralyzing. After all, there was no use regretting those things which he could not have changed, those situations which he had no control over, the choices he made having no impact on the final result.
At least, that was what he believed. Whether or not he actually followed those beliefs was a matter of debate, and not particularly relevant to the situation at hand.
The thing was, even though he may regret the result, Hamid didn’t particularly regret the decisions that had led him to it. Sure, there were any number of times that he could have made a different choice and prevented this outcome, but he didn’t really think he would have, even knowing what would happen. He didn’t even think that now, if he were faced with the same situation again, and having experienced the consequences of his choices, he would choose differently.
Really, that was a consideration for another time, but at this exact moment Hamid was trying somewhat desperately to avoid thinking about his current situation, so he decided to consider it, anyway.
The first decision had been an innocent one, by all appearances. Hamid had found one of Azu’s hoodies draped across the arm of the couch and had decided, like the good friend he was, to put it in her room for her, so she would be able to find it more easily later.
See? Innocent. But, alas, it all went downhill from there.
The second decision he’d made was not nearly so selfless. It was just that he was cold, and Azu’s hoodies were always so soft and warm, and Hamid hardly had what one could call a decent amount of self-control at the best of times… So, instead of taking the hoodie back to Azu’s room like he had initially planned, he slipped it over his head. It was fine, Hamid had reasoned, Azu wasn’t meant to be home for hours yet; he just had to make sure he took it off before she returned, and he’d be fine.
The hoodie was huge on him; the hem hanging down well past his knees and the sleeves long enough that he couldn’t even brush the stitching at the cuffs with the tips of his fingers. Hamid was well aware that he must have looked ridiculous, like a toddler that had gotten into his parents’ closet. But, in all honesty, he couldn’t care less; this was the most comfortable he’d felt in months, being nearly swallowed by the soft pink material. It was wonderful.
Perhaps it was that feeling of comfort and security that the hoodie lent him that caused him to make his next ill-advised decision, or perhaps it was just because he hadn’t had a very good sleep the night before. In either case, the decision was made and Hamid, bundled in the hoodie, laid down on the couch with a yawn. There was no harm in taking a quick nap, after all, was there? He had hours yet, and he was certain he’d wake up again long before Azu got home.
The decision not to set an alarm was probably the worst oversight of all; Hamid was well-aware of his tendency to oversleep in the mornings without them, and yet it did not occur to him that the same issue would apply to naps as well. Though, in hindsight, it was entirely possible that he had intended to set an alarm, just in case, but it had simply not happened due to the fact that, the moment he laid his head down on one of the couch’s assorted throw pillows, he immediately fell asleep.
Waking up to Azu shaking his shoulder gently was not technically a decision, but Hamid sincerely wished that it had been. At least if it had been a decision, he could have chosen not to and, in the process, avoided the very situation he now found himself in for at least a little while longer. But, sadly, it hadn’t been, and so he had awoken, still swaddled in Azu’s hoodie, with Azu herself kneeling next to the couch grinning like the cat that got the cream.
Hamid was a bit panicked, to say the least. Not because he was worried that Azu would be mad at him, not at all. It was just a bit embarrassing; he looked like a child, and while he knew Azu wouldn’t judge him for it, something about someone else seeing him like that felt vulnerable in a way he wasn’t ready to address at the moment. So before Azu could say anything, Hamid pushed himself up to a seated position, crossing his arms over his chest (although he knew that the position probably did nothing to make him look any less like a child), and made a decision that he would probably regret in the future: he leaned into it.
“I took your hoodie and I’m not giving it back.”
Or perhaps he wouldn’t regret it, because the moment that the words were out of his mouth Azu began to laugh. Not a quiet laugh, either, but the kind that shook her entire body with the force of it, so full of joy it became contagious, Hamid helpless to do anything but laugh too.
The thing about regret, Hamid believed, was that it should be reserved for those things worthy of it. Those things which one both had the power and desire to change. Those things caused by choices, by decisions made with little regard to the consequences. Those things whose outcomes could have been improved.
But sitting on the couch, with Azu in front of him, still wrapped securely in the hoodie, both of them shaking with uncontrollable laughter… Hamid decidedly didn’t regret what had happened, or any of the choices that had led him here. He couldn’t think of any better outcome than this.