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It was late, must have been past midnight. They all retired to their tents around 11 pm and Buck’s been lying her ever since, staring at the shadows dancing on the tent’s walls. He always kept his phone in his front pocket, all he had to do was pull it out and check the clock. But he didn’t dare to move. And so he lay in complete silence with his eyes wide open, listening to Eddie’s breathing. In and out, slow and steady.
Carefully turning on his side, Buck’s sleeping bag rustled beneath him. He froze mid turn and his eyes snapped to Eddie’s face. Eddie’s eyes were closed; his chest rose with steady rhythm. Lifting up the top of the sleeping bag, Buck turned all the way to lay on his side.
He propped one hand under his head and let the other rest in the middle of the small space between his sleeping bag and Eddie’s. His fingers itched to move just a few more inches. Eddie’s biceps was right there, his skin looking soft and inviting. Buck fisted his hand and squeezed his eyes shut. No! He would not grope Eddie in his sleep.
Just one touch , his subconscious screamed at him. Buck’s eyes filled with tears of frustration. Why couldn’t he have what he wanted? Just this once, he wanted something for himself. And it was something he could never have. Eddie was straight, Buck wasn’t. Eddie loved his as a friend, Buck loved his as the love of his life.
He opened his eyes, blinking away the tears threatening to fall, and stared at Eddie sleeping form across from him. That wasn’t creepy at all. Buck snorted. He had spent a lot of time watching Eddie while no one was looking, but never like this. There was always someone there to draw’s Buck attention sooner or later. This time there wasn’t, and Buck’s couldn’t tear his eyes away from Eddie.
Eddie’s chest rose with each breath, his lips parted, and his teeth glimmered in the faint light inside the tent. The campfire was dying down, it’s light becoming dimmer with each passing second. The trees rustled in the wind. And all the while Buck stared at Eddie. And daydreamed. What if he got the courage to confess his feelings to Eddie? What if Eddie returned his feelings? What if he did one small thing differently or said something else? Would it make a difference? Would he be lying in Eddie’s arms right now instead of wishing he did?
Eddie scrunched up his nose and mumbled something. His sleeping bag rustled as he pulled his arm out of it and turned toward Buck.
Holding his breath, Buck waited. When he was sure Eddie was still asleep, Buck let out a deep breath. Chuckling, Buck turned his face into his arm, hoping it would muffle the sound. He was hopeless.
Buck peered at Eddie, his mouth still pressed against his forearm. He clenched his fist and slid his hand up until it lay next to Eddie’s hand. Heart hammered in his chest and butterflied danced in the pit of his stomach. His throat tightened, it felt like something lodged in there, he opened his mouth and tried to breath in. Instead, the 3 words he’d been holding back for months, flew out of his mouth in a strangled whisper.
“I love you.”
Eyes and mouth wide open, Buck waited. Eddie hadn’t moved, his eyes still closed and his breathing slow and steady. He was asleep and Buck breathed a sigh of relief before he buried his face in his forearm.
At a light brush against his hand, Buck’s head snapped up. Eddie slid his hand on top of Buck, his thumb moving back and forth on the back of Buck’s hand.
Buck took in a sharp shaky breath. His gaze fixed on their hands, Buck turned his hand underneath Eddie’s and held his breath, waiting for Eddie’s reaction. He didn’t know what he expected to happen or what he wanted. Eddie slid his fingers between Buck’s and held his hand.
Exhaling, Buck focused on their hands, the way their fingers intertwined and how right it felt to hold Eddie’s hand.
“I love you, too.” Eddie said quietly.
Buck looked up and was met with Eddie’s intense gaze, his eyes black in the dim light.
“You’re awake.” Buck blurted out.
“So are you?” Eddie smiled and squeezed Buck’s hand. “Or are you talking in your sleep? With open eyes.”
“No.” Buck shook his head, looking down at their joined hands. “Not asleep.”
Buck listened to the sound of campfire and the forest’s nightlife, rusting of the trees, and animals howling in the distance. He felt Eddie’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look back.
“Did you mean it?” Eddie lightly squeezed Buck’s hand.
It was too late to play dumb. Their hands were still tightly clasped together, Eddie’s hold on his hand strong like he never wanted to let go. And Buck didn’t want him to ever let go.
It was no or never. He wondered what it would be like to confess his feelings, well, now he had the chance. Buck took a deep breath and looked into Eddie’s eyes. “Y-yes.” His voice shook, but a part of him felt relieved to be finally able to admit how he really felt. “I love you, Eddie. I have for a while.”
Eddie squirmed in his sleeping bag and let go of Buck’s hand.
Buck’s breath shook and his lips quivered. His hand felt cold, missing Eddie’s hand. Eddie didn’t feel the same. When he said he loved him, he meant it as a friend. Buck looked down, swallowing hard.
Eddie cupped his cheek and ran the pad of this thumb over it. Buck glanced up. Eddie had moved closer, his face inches from Bucks.
“Me, too.” Eddie smiled before he leaned in that extra inch and kissed Buck.
Buck closed his eyes and returned the kiss. He ran his lips over Eddie’s, marvelling in their softness. He relaxed, enjoying the kisses.
They continue kissing until their lips felt numb and limbs fell asleep from being in the same position for too long. Buck still wanted more. Kissing Eddie once, or a few time, wasn’t enough. He wanted soft kisses, smiling kisses, angry kiss, and make up kisses. He wanted passionate I-can’t-live-without-you ones and gentle I-love-you kisses. He wanted a lifetime of Eddie’s kisses.