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"Mara, where are you?" Catra called out. She felt like she searched the whole house, and still, she couldn't find her daughter. She would occasionally hear some rustling coming from a corner, but when she checked, the little girl had already made her great escape. Catra wished she could blame Adora for how good their daughter was at sneaking around, but they both knew this was all from her.
"Come on," Catra said as she looked behind a particularly frilly curtain, "You don't want to be late to Aunt Scorpia's birthday party, do you? She really wants to see you."
"No!" cried a squeaky voice. Catra's ears perked up once she heard this, and she knew that the tiny girl was under the dining room table. The feline woman pretended she didn't know where she was hiding, and half-heartedly looked in some other spots. She knew that she would have to sneak up on the small child, or else she would just run and duck somewhere else.
"Why don't you want to come?" Catra asked, and she expected a childish answer. Something like how Swift Wind irritated her today, or how she thought she was too cool for parties, she knew how three-year-olds got.
"You scare me," The voice was soft and timid now. It seemed afraid to say the wrong thing.
Catra stopped dead in her tracks. Her mind tried desperately to process what her daughter just said to her. Why was her child scared of her? Did she ever do anything to scare her? Was Catra falling into old habits? Dear God, was she turning into Shadow Weaver?
Catra tried to keep her voice from breaking, "Why are you scared of Mommy?"
"Cause you hurt Momma!" The child started and then didn't stop, "You hurt her before. You fought and gave her those scratchies on her arm. You tried to hurt everyone... so what if you hurt me?"
The woman felt the tears welling in her eyes, she had to stop herself from breaking into a sob at that moment. She had to stay strong right now because Mara deserved her to be strong. She began to slowly walk towards the table her child was under, "Mommy, never wanted to hurt Momma,"
Catra had to think of her words carefully because she didn't want to lie to her daughter, but the situation back then wasn't exactly black and white, "Mommy made some bad choices in the past... Mommy made some really bad choices in the past,"
She had to take a moment to collect herself. She found herself unconsciously doing Perfuma's breathing exercises as she tried to keep a calm demeanor for her daughter, "It took Mommy awhile, but I eventually made the right choices. You're Momma, being the amazing girl she is, made a choice to forgive me for everything I did. I made a promise that I wouldn't hurt her again, and I like to think I made good on that."
"But that guard said that when you got angry, you hurt people. What if you got angry at me?"
Catra knelt down by the table and saw the little girl with her knees to her chest. Her head was buried in her arms, and the whole sight reminded Catra of how she would hide in the Horde. This whole situation seemed like a sick reminder from the universe, never letting her forget what she did, or what happened to her.
"Sweetie," Catra's voice was soft; it sounded like a melody, "Mommy would never hurt you. Mommy would never forgive herself if she hurt you."
The little girl looked up, her sparkly green eyes seemed to be laced with water droplets. She gave almost a disbelieving look before asking her question, "You promise?"
She then stuck out her little pinkie, and Catra let her finger hook on to her daughters, " I promise. Mommy never wants you to be scared of her."
The small girl crawled out from the bottom of the table, and into her mother's arms. She let her hands wrap around her neck so she could easily carry her to their ride. Catra obliged and carried the girl towards the skiff that she, and Adora, used to travel places. Adora had been busy preparing their ride, talking with Swift Wind as she did so. It was almost jarring looking at Adora in her flowy white dress as she checked the skiff, she still followed the old Horde protocol.
She looked quickly over her shoulder and noticed Catra had returned with Mara, "You finally found her?"
Adora then took a pause, she recognized the face her wife had on. She turned and looked Catra in the eyes, "Wait, what's wrong?"
Her voice leaked with concern, and she couldn't think of a reason why, in the fifteen minutes she was gone, Catra would look like that.
The slender woman just looked down at Mara, signaling to Adora that this was not a discussion to have in front of her. Adora immediately understood and let Catra set Mara down on the skiff. Adora gave her little child a big smile before telling her that Swiftie was going to watch her for a few minutes.
"Yay, Swiftie!" She clapped, and the pegasus seemed to get a small ego boost from it.
Adora took her partner's hand and lead her inside the house. Catra at this point had tears running down her face; she had been holding it all back for Mara.
The blonde woman wiped the tears from her eyes, gently and softly, "Hey, tell me what's wrong? It's okay."
"She's scared of me-" Catra basically choked out the words. They hurt her throat as she said them, scratching her vocal cords in an attempt not to leave her lips.
"Why is she scared of you?" Adora brought the woman closer. She could feel how ragged her breath was getting. She hadn't seen her break down like this in years. Sure, there had been bad days. Days were the memories and guilt ate at them, but they always talked about it, and it never caused either of them to have this kind of reaction.
"Some guard said something about how I-" Catra tried to get the words to come out but it was a struggle, "How I used to hurt you."
The tears were flowing down her face, pricking her skin with their salty warmth. She was choking on air as she continued, "She thinks I might hurt her."
Adora moved her hands so that they cradled her wife's head. She understood why she was so distraught now. They had conversation after conversation before they had Mara, and Catra's biggest fear was becoming like Shadow Weaver. Adora knew she would never hurt Mara, of course, but Catra always had that fear. Never truly trusting herself, "It's okay, you would never do anything like that."
"But, she is scared of me. What if I gave her a reason to be? What if I just don't know because-"
Adora gently put her finger over Catras lips so that she would stop spiraling, "You gave her no reason to be scared of you. That guard did. She is young, Catra, and will believe anything she is told, even if it doesn't make sense. You did nothing," She whispered these words into her wife's ears and gave them a moment to sink in. She felt her breathing even out, and the feline woman started wiping the leftover tears.
"You're right," She said with a shaky exhale, "I'm sorry,"
Adora gave her a quick and soft kiss, "Don't be sorry,"
Catra gave a small smile, she loved how Adora always knew what to say. She knew how to get the thoughts in Catra's head to quiet down, and it always comforted her.
Adora grabbed Catra's hand, "I believe we have a party to get too... if you're up for it."
Catra nodded her head because she didn't want to hear Scorpia's endless questions if they skipped her birthday party.
They made their way to the party. They laughed and played games, and Catra almost forgot about the situation earlier, the keyword is almost. Worry still nipped at her mind all night, and she tried her best to ignore it. It wasn't until they got into the skiff, ready to go home, that her worry truly left her.
A tired, and worn out, Mara crawled over to her and put her head on her lap. She mumbled something about not wanting to go, and grabbed Catras hand, almost using it as a makeshift teddy bear. She then grabbed Catra's white cape and used it as a blanket, and before Catra could say anything, she was asleep.
Catra smiled at her and closed her eyes. Her anxious thoughts put themselves to rest, and she let out a sigh of relief. For the first time that night, she could say that she knew Mara wasn't scared of her.
She looked up at Adora who was also smiling at the scene. She mouthed the words, "See, she loves you."
Catra's smile widen when she said that.
She loves me.