Work Text:
the pala-sluTs
tuesday 3:43 pm
something sciencey: do i even want to know what you guys made on that test????
asswipe: no!!! no you do not!!!
asswipe: wait
asswipe: why is my name asswipe
asswipe: gODDAMNIT KEITH
asswipe changed to LOVELY HUMAN BEING by asswipe
grinch: I didn’t do anything, fingers crossed
father: No fighting or I’ll kill you both.
LOVELY HUMAN BEING: cause that makes sense
something sciencey: back to the topic,, test, go!
food God: 92
something sciencey: that’s————wow good job hunk, maybe there is hope after all
LOVELY HUMAN BEING: HOW HOW HOW HOW
grinch: 97 suck on that
food God: and what do you mean by that pidge
something sciencey: 98 Suck. on. THAT.
mother: Didn’t take the test :/
father: Yeah same.
something sciencey: yes we know you two are cool smart seniors who pity us youngsters
LOVELY HUMAN BEING: i want to cry i got a 76
food God: that’s still good!
grinch: if you wanna die a life of being average
LOVELY HUMAN BEING: geez we get it keith you’re sad and like to bring others down with you
something sciencey: oKay cool your Jets everybody,,, lance why don’t you just like get someone to help you?
LOVELY HUMAN BEING: oh great thought you’d never ask pidge yes please teach me the ways of ~science~
something sciencey: don’t know how you got ‘pidge’ out of ‘somebody’
food God: ooooooooooo I’ve got an ideaaarrrrr
LOVELY HUMAN BEING: pretty please pidge you’re the smartest one here
something sciencey: you know i hate that word
LOVELY HUMAN BEING: my bad, spunky please!!!!
something sciencey: hA no, I’m a busy body
father: What’s your idea, Hunk? Replace Lance’s brain with someone else’s?
grinch: dad burn!
LOVELY HUMAN BEING: how do i disown myself from here im clearly not wanted
mother: Of course you’re wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mother: We just want you to improve and grow!!!!!!!!!!!!
mother changed to LOVELY HUMAN BEING 2 by LOVELY HUMAN BEING
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 2: Oh please I was birthed before you Lance
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 2 changed to LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1 by LOVELY HUMAN BEING 2
LOVELY HUMAN BEING changed to Child by LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1
grinch: and the truth comes out
grinch: lance is secretly a baby in a teen flesh suit
Child: i will leave
father: Hunk what is your idea? Keith Lance shut up
food God: how about keith helps lance. i mean if keith is so bothered about lance having a low grade then he should just help. win win
Child: “win win” he says, it totally not being a win win
grinch: no
something sciencey: yes
Child: no
food God: yEs
grinch: nO
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: yes :D
Child: NOOOOOOOOO
father: yes.
something sciencey: oh shit he used the lowercase period tactic run y’all we aren’t safe you better listen keith and help lance
grinch: that was not at all grammatically correct
something sciencey removed grinch from the pala-sluTs
Child: peace and quiet!!
father added grinch to the pala-sluTs
Child: arerggghhh
grinch: did not appreciate that
something sciencey: eat or get eaten you fuck
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: I don’t think Keith would mind getting eaten
food God: was that- allura was-
Child: MDNSJSKA SEX JOKE
something sciencey: ABOUT KEITH
food God: FROM ALLURA!!
grinch: stfu
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: It was just a mere observation
Child: a mere observation that probably has keith blushing furiously and being a little bitch about it
father: He is. It’s adorable and scary at the same time
father: [insert images of keith]
something sciencey: KEITH OH MY GOF I CANT BELIVE I EVER CALLED YOU EDGELORD YOUR EDGES ARE ABOUT AS SHARP AS LANCES NAILS AND HE FILES OBSESSIVELY SO
food God: kinda wanna hug ngl
grinch: shiro I’m going to throw you under an actual bus now
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Keith you’re so cute !
grinch changed to babie by Child
food God: so is that lance admitting that keith is cute
something sciencey: it totally is
babie: wOt-
babie changed to chickfila employee by Child
chickfila employee: well
father: Can everybody be nice for five seconds?
chickfila employee: rOood
chickfila employee: that was for lance you’re an angel shiro
Child: *cough* buttering him up *cough*
chickfila employee: it’s just fact. hate the game not the player
something sciencey: okay but actually. keith r u going to help lance???? boy needs it
Child: i prefer the term God
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: God of nothing
chickfila employee: mother burn!!!!!!!
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Why do you guys call me that????
father: I’ve learned to just accept it.
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Yes, but. No.
something sciencey: you guys are our parent figures. i mean that in a totally two-people-who-aren't-romantically-involved-but-still-put-up-with-weird-kids kind of way you know
food God: how long did that take to type?
something sciencey: too long, my next of kin
chickfila employee: also,, lance do you want my help??
Child: want? no. need? probably
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Aw look they’re bonding
food God: miracles really do happen
chickfila employee: okay, guess I’ll help
food God: wipes tears
Child: did you forget the asterisks?
food God: no i said it
father: Keith, why are you doing that weird thing with your face where you try not to smile?
chickfila employee: et tu, brute?
Child: and people say I’m the drama queen
food God: WAIT IS KEITH SMILING OVER HELPING LANCE?????
Child: well, I am a queen so it’s halfway right
Child: plus my family just has a flair for the dramatic, so it was bound————
Child: WAIT
chickfila employee: maybe i should murder shiro
chickfila employee: maybe i should murder all of you
something sciencey: nah you won’t murder lance you’re too smitten over him
Child: iejsnaklslwkdndmwkakdnfnekakkdfnjekskskddn jskskskskdnenndndnememememdmekekekdkosoanfndjsowndndjskaksldnwkalldfkel
Child: k
father: I’m not allowed to mention the physical state of Keith anymore, but just know that it’s worth mentioning if I could.
something sciencey: thank u soldier you’ve done your best
food God: honestly this groupchat exists to make fun of keith and lance and I’m kinda here for it
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Me too :) it’s very fun
chickfila employee: yeah sure so fun
Child: very extremely fun
something sciencey: ANOTHER bonding moment what a sight to behold
Child: this is—- i do not welcome meanness in my life goodbye everybody i will talk to you when you decide to not be mean
Child is inactive
something sciencey: survival of the fittest my dudes
food God: lance @ his wedding: does anyone have anything mean to say?
us: *says something mean*
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: amazing reference hunk ily for that
food God: bows
something sciencey: what about bows? like on presents?
food God: no not tha-
food God: you know what
food God: I’m removing brownie privileges
food God: from ALL of you
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: OKAY THAT ISNT FAIR HUNK THATS SO RUDE OF YOU I DID NOTHING I WANTED BROWNIES SO RUDE I DONT LOVE YOU
father: Shit
something sciencey: ay watch your fucking language
food God: gasps
food God: brownie privileges added back I’m sorry
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: It’s okay I forgive you :D
mullet
tuesday 5:23 pm
mullet: hey, when/where did you want to study or whatever it is we’re doing?
lance: uh, my house? saturday? two?
mullet: works for me
lance: great! but seriously! i’m done! too much meanness!
mullet: maybe you should
mullet: nevermind
lance: okay????? night weirdo
mullet: night
the pala-sluTs
thursday 7:34 pm
food God: shut Up i want to get my point across
Child: you are aware that no one was really talking
food God: /you are aware that nobody was talking/ yes shut up lance nobody asked
chickfila employee: i see that you’ve joined the “lance stfu club” we appreciate your membership it comes with a free shirt
something sciencey: ohmygosh can i join!
chickfila employee: you must say it
something sciencey: lance stfu
Child: wha-
chickfila employee: congratulations!!!!! you’re officially a member
father: Lance stfu
chickfila employee: oooooohhhh sorry, we don’t except traitors and people over the age of a thousand
father: But I’m not—
chickfila employee: your brain is like a thousand years old so stfu
Child: you know, I’m gonna go again
food God: NO I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!!!!
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Go ahead, Hunkadoodle
food God: okay, so:
food God changed to Hunkadoodle by something sciencey
Hunkadoodle: oh my creme brulee
Child: he’s bringing out the big swear words now
chickfila employee: it’s a dessert
Child: i know that keith let hunk talk or istg I’m gonna hit you with a pan
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: You're gonna hit him with me?
Child: precisely
something sciencey: ndbdnskskalsmsnskls
Hunkadoodle: let me talk!
Hunkadoodle: I’m gonna ask shay out!!!!!! !!
something sciencey: WAHT NOW
Child: oh Jesus Heaven Thank You Taylor Swift i knew you’d make this happen
something sciencey: HUNKADOODLE IM SO PROUD
father: I am too. Wait is this what parents feel like?
father: Oh
father: oH no.
chickfila employee: how do you plan on doing this?
something sciencey: translation: give us the deets
Hunkadoodle: well,, I was uh planning on making her lemon cupcakes cause they’re her favorite and asking her to prom
Child: is there a cute sign involved??????????
Hunkadoodle: should there be???????
Child: uM YES
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: I second that. Signs are great
Hunkadoodle: what should it say?
something sciencey: this is not my area of expertise so i will be sitting out on this one
Child: oH but this is my area of expertise
chickfila employee: yEa right i bet you’re not even gonna ask anybody to prom
chickfila employee: nonetheless make a sign for them
Hunkadoodle: keith Shut Up i am in the middle of a crisis and u are not helping
chickfila employee: apologies, oh kind one
Child: how about: Will you be the lemon to my lime at prom? and you can make like lime cupcakes (is that a thing?) and u guys will be superb zest
Hunkadoodle: i could make key-lime cupcakes!
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: and then give the leftovers to me!
chickfila employee: and me!
Hunkadoodle: sorry keith you lost cupcake privileges
chickfila employee: rolls eyes
Hunkadoodle: THATS MY RNFING
chickfila employee: but i want my cupcake
something sciencey: rnfing
Child: rnfing
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: rnfing
chickfila employee: rnfing
father: rnfing
Hunkadoodle: oH Shush
Hunkadoodle: does anyone have any better sign ideas?
Child: no bc mine was amazing
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: bring flowers!!!!!!!
Child: stream afterglow by taylor swift for amazing skin
chickfila employee: what does that have to do with anything?
Child: it doesn’t. jus thot u should kno
father: Okay was that even English?
something sciencey: yes
chickfila employee: no
something sciencey: it’s the way of the young people minus keith. u learn to txt like a cool person
father: Kind of proud to not be a cool person right now.
Child: oh we know
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Am I cool?
something sciencey: well, the rules state you arent. but cmon u totally are
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: YAY
food God: do you think she’ll say yes?
Child: hunk
something sciencey: YES
Child: my buddy
Child: my man
chickfila employee: as much as I’d love being sadistic, I can’t. she’s gonna say yes
Child: OF COHEISE SHELL SAY YES ITS OBVIOUS
something sciencey: coheise
Hunkadoodle: coheise
chickfila employee: coheise
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: coheise
Child: coheise
father: If she has a brain, Hunk, she’ll say yes.
something sciencey: hey it’s no fun if lance joins in
Child: that’s why i did it mwahahahahahahhaha
Hunkadoodle: evil lance is so cute!!!
Hunkadoodle: and thank you everybody
Child: SHUT UP
the pala-sluTs
friday 6:45 pm
Child: okay so you wanna know what i think
chickfila employee: no
Child: taylor swift is a revolutionary
something sciencey: oh jesus fuck mary here we go
Hunkadoodle: jesus fuck his mother?!???
something sciencey: he’d rather do that then listen to lance drool over taylor swift AGAIN
Child: she’s just- ugh she’s perfect. her lyrics are immaculate, she’s hot, the production on her songs is just wowowow, her vocals >>>>, she’s a genuinely amazing person, she supports lgbtq+ and has openly advocated for it, her songs are BANGERS, her music videos are perfectly crafted, her boyfriend’s hot
chickfila employee: oh god
Child: how could you not love her??????
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: love-her
Child: OH MY GOD MARRY ME ALLURA THAT PUN WAS AMAZING
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: I decline sorry but not really
chickfila employee: r-e j-e c-t-e-d rejected!
Child: did you just quote zoey 101 @ me???
chickfila employee: that’s a secret I’ll nEvEr tELL
something sciencey: get a room
father: But don't do anything too roudy! You don’t want to end up on a reality show because you’re sixteen and pregnant.
Child: we’re-
chickfila employee: not-
Child: even-
chickfila employee: straight-
Child: father your logistics are off
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: And you spelt rowdy wrong. Kinda concerned for your mental health Shiro
father: Having four kids’ll do that to ya.
Child: so he admits it! we’re his kids!
Hunkadoodle: straight outa his womb
chickfila employee: gay outa his wom
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: pan outa his womb
something sciencey: nb aro/ace outa his womb
Child: bi outa his womb
Child: allura you’re our mother he didn’t birth you
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: That’s what you think
something sciencey: irjrnskalslalejdkalq allura care to elaborate
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: no
Hunkadoodle: also are we not going to comment about how we all just let keith start that
Child: i was surprised to see keith be funny yes
father: Me too.
father: Keith just said under his breath “I’m gonna kill him” so maybe watch out, Lance.
Child: he makes that threat every three seconds I’m pretty sure if he was gonna go through with it he would’ve already
something sciencey: he’s got a point
Hunkadoodle: -er finger. yes pidge I’m pretty sure lance has a pointer finger was that even up for discussion?
something sciencey: i h8 u
Child: oh my god I’m gonna play lover by taylor swift at my wedding guys and pidge watch out
something sciencey: shocker
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Am I included in the “guys” category?
Child: yes you are one of the dudebros
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Oh sweet! I’ve always wanted to be a dudebro
Hunkadoodle: i, duddest of the bros, dub thee, allura, to be an official dudebro
chickfila employee: why are you duddest of the bros?
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Yay oh my god thank you for this opportunity. I won’t let you down
Child: obvs bc he’s straight. straight people are just,,, Like That
Hunkadoodle: we know you won’t allura
chickfila employee: maybe I wanted to be duddest of the bros
something sciencey: that’s funnhie
Child: reeeeeaaaallllll hilarious
chickfila employee: WHAT WHY
father: I mean no offense to this, Keith, but you are like the least dudebro of us all.
something sciencey: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Child: dad roast!
chickfila employee: ugh this is homophobic
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: He’s????? Gay??????
chickfila employee: doesn’t matter don’t care
Hunkadoodle: i think it kinda does matter but carry on
Child: MY WAYWARD SOOOOOON
something sciencey: are you referencing the song or the book you never know where lance’s brain is at
Child: both *finger guns*
chickfila employee: ugh
something sciencey: ugh
father: Ugh
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Lance are you listening to taylor swift while you text us?
Child: yes! thank you for bringing her up again!
chickfila employee: christ allura why
Child: SHES SO AMAZING HER LITTLE LAUGHS IN I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED ARE SO ADORABLE ISBSNAKAKLDFKNEKWLWLELEKWKENEK
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: I think you forget that I’m also a swiftie, Keith
something sciencey: mkay i gotta go gremlin 1 is saying something about dinner and gremlin 2 is hungry
something sciencey is inactive
chickfila employee: yeah I’m leaving too
chickfila employee: i just don’t want to be here that’s my only reason
chickfila employee is inactive
Hunkadoodle: and I’ve gotta search the cookbooks for key lime cupcake recipies AND THEN I’ve got to make actually good ones
Child: we believe in you!
Hunkadoodle: thanks bro! byeeeee
Hunkadoodle is inactive
father: Everybody else left, so...I’m gonna go to Adam’s :) Peace out.
father is inactive
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Now that we’ve weeded out the bitches, Lance what’s your favorite song on Lover?
BESTIE
saturday 11:34 am
BESTIE: is keith still coming over today??????????
lance: yea?????????????
lance: #dread
BESTIE: #secretlysuperexcited
lance: i know how to pop eyeballs out
BESTIE: I’m not scared of u
lance: u should b
BESTIE: lol that’s funny
lance: ur face is funny
mullet
saturday 2:12 pm
mullet: shiro’s dropping me off
lance: mmmmkkkAy
mullet: be there in five minutes
Lance’s heart raced. He was pacing near the front door, waiting for Keith to come. It wasn’t that he was eager for Keith to be there, he just didn’t want any of his siblings opening the door. That was it.
Speaking of the devils. “Got a hot date?” Rachel, his twin, said.
“You know very well that Keith is coming over,” he replied, crossing his arms.
“Same difference.”
Before Lance could say a wickedly smart comeback, she turned around and left. Unfair, Lance thought. He was going to get her back later. He wasn’t exactly sure how yet, but Lance was sure he’d think of something. Maybe he could—
The doorbell rang.
What did Pidge say? Oh, right. Jesus fuck Mary. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door.
Keith stood there, hair a gorgeous mop as usual. He wore his usual black skinny jeans with rips at the knees and red shirt, but was also sporting a leather jacket that Lance had seen only twice before. Suddenly, Lance felt very underdressed in his grey shirt and blue workout shorts. At least they had stripes.
“Hey,” he said, stepping out of the doorframe to let Keith in, “let’s go upstairs.”
Rachel must’ve been eavesdropping from the hallway, because she called out, “Leave the door open!”
“Shut up, Rachel!” He turned back to Keith. “Uh...follow me,” he said, walking towards the stairs. If Keith wasn’t following, then he would get bombarded by annoying siblings, so Lance wasn’t really concerned if he was following or not. Either way, Lance would win.
“Your house is very lively,” Keith commented. Looking back, Lance saw his brows furrowed. Lance gave Keith a glare, about to say something, but Keith beat him. “Not that it’s a bad thing! I’m just not used to it.”
Lance wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he kept his mouth shut. They reached the top of the stairs and entered Lance’s room. He made sure to clean it, thank god, but it was still very cluttered. He liked to hold onto things, sue him.
Keith snorted somewhere behind him. “Don’t know why this is exactly what I pictured your room to look like.”
There was a bunk-bed in the right corner, his sister being the bottom bunk. Luckily, they both had similar interests, so the room didn’t feel like two people living in it. On the other side, there was a desk covered in books and knick-knacks (like Lance’s mug that said “Don’t Talk To Me Until I’ve Eaten Thus Mug”), movie posters hanging above the desk and all around the room. And then there was a blue rug, centered, that made everything pop.
The room was also covered in stars.
“We can sit on the rug,” Lance said, ignoring Keith. His room was a safe space for him and he wasn’t about to let Keith ruin it.
Lance sat on the rug and Keith, apprehensively, joined. He said, “Let’s get started then.”
Coran’s Last Three Braincells
saturday 4:09 pm
avocadoToast: KEITH IS SO CUTE WHEN HE FOCUSES AND LIKE HES SURPRISINGLY GENTLE WHEN HE EXPLAINS THINGS AND UNUSUALLY PATIENT THIS IS SO !!.?!!??!!
briancell -1: did he leave?????
bigarms: wowzers u got it baaaad
bigarms: luckily keith has it baaaad too
avocadoToast: NO HES IN THE BATHROOM
avocadoToast: WERE DONE STUDYING THO
avocadoToast: WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN KEITH HAS IT BAAAAD HUNK????
briancell -1: nothing. he means nothing by it
bigarms: yep nothing
avocadoToast: HES BACK BUT YOURE TELLING ME LATER
avocadoToast is inactive
bigarms: think he’ll survive?
briancell -1: no telling
briancell -1: anyways, wanna play some hide n seek on minecraft?????
bigarms: guess I’ll take a little break. but u arent my top priority
briancell -1: yes, i know your precious little shaycakes are
bigarms: SHAYCAKES-
Keith came back in and sat at the desk chair. “Shiro decided to go to Adam’s for, like, the second day in a row, so he won’t be able to pick me up til at least six.”
Lance looked at the time on his phone. 4:13. “Well, we could watch a movie downstairs? Can’t promise that we’ll be left alone, though. Or that we’ll get to pick the movie.”
Recently, Veronica had been invested in watching every single Disney animation movie. Not that Lance wasn’t invested in it either, because he was, just not to the intensity Veronica was.
“Sure.”
They went back downstairs, and the noise of Lance’s family filled their ears. To Lance, it was a natural noise; to Keith, it was an unusual, but not unwelcome noise.
His family was spread out between the kitchen and the living room: his mother and father in the kitchen, along with Rachel who was tossing pizza dough; Marco and Luis were doing a puzzle with Sylvio and Marco; then Lisa was browsing the channels on tv, probably looking for a sit-com; and Veronica was draped across the couch saying, “Zombies 2!”
“Hello, Keith,” his mother said once they got in frame, “Lance has said a lot about you, are you staying for dinner?”
Keith looked to Lance. “I’m, uh, not sure.”
“His brother’s picking him up at six,” Lance said. Keith’s antisocialness wasn’t going to get him far with Lance’s family
“Oh, well, you’re welcome to stay if you’d like.”
Smiling, Keith said, “Thank you.”
As they walked to the living room, Lance said in Keith’s ear, “Every Saturday we have pizza night. It’s the one night we’re really allowed to binge on carbs.” He smiled. “You should stay.”
“Yeah?” If Lance paid attention, he would see the slight blush on Keith’s face. He was paying attention.
“Yeah.”
“Hey, no, we are not watching Say Yes to the Dress , we just aren’t. That’s, like, a crime. Think of the children!”
“If by children, you mean you, then no,” Lisa replied.
“Gotta agree, Liz, Zombies 2 is much more enjoyable.” Lance took his seat next to Veronica, pushing her legs aside, and motioned for Keith to come sit next to him.
“Fresh meat, nice,” Veronica said. She extended her hand to Keith, and he returned the gesture. Lance froze for a second, knowing what she was about to do. The next second, Keith was halfway across his lap, being pulled by Veronica. “I’m Veronica,” she smirked.
Keith’s hand clutched Lance’s thigh. “Keith.”
She dropped his hand. “Alright, Keith, wanna watch Zombies 2?”
Keith, however, barely paid attention to the question. He was frozen, resting on top of Lance. When he seemed to realize—or care—that he was on Lance, he sprung up and said a quiet, “Sure.”
“Sweet! We win, give me the remote.” Veronica snatched the remote out of Lisa’s hand, and Lisa got up, mumbling, “Kids…”
Lance had to admit, sitting next to Keith, his family tucked all around them, watching a movie with barely okay dance numbers and songs, was pretty fun.
The best part, though, was when Rachel joined and said, “Everybody in this movie is a lesbian.”
And then Keith snorted. Lance was very far gone.
“What about the guys?” Luis asked.
“Big lesbian energy.”
the pala-sluTs
saturday 5:18 pm
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: What do you think they’re doing?
Hunkadoodle: making out?
something sciencey: pining from a distance?
father: Controlling their hormones?
something sciencey: oh don’t worry dad you won’t be a grandpa anytime soon
father: Whatever, I’m gonna go back to Adam.
father is inactive
something sciencey: oooh maybe we’ll get a sibling!
LOVELY HUMAN BEING: What shall we name this kiddo?
Hunkadoodle: Alfred Henry James Cornwallace Sigfried Hampton II
something sciencey: i
something sciencey: i luv
LOVELY HUMAN BEING: What if they’re not a boy?
Hunkadoodle: well we could go gender neutral and say alfredo like the sauce
something sciencey: omg spaghetti baby
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: sauce sauce yum yum
Hunkadoodle: wtf
something sciencey: wtf
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: SAUCE SAUCE YUM YUM
father is active
father: wat da fuck is happenin
something sciencey: who tf r u
father: adam
Hunkadoodle: aH makes sense now
father: how is everybody ????
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Gay
father: nice give me five
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Here you go, ~5~
something sciencey: ugh
Hunkadoodle: lol
father is inactive
something sciencey: think they’re making out too?
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: Did my pun make them horny?
Hunkadoodle: EW ALLURA STOP
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: SAUCE SAUCE YUM YUM
something sciencey: *yummy by justin boobie plays*
Hunkadoodle is inactive
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: HA
something sciencey: WE MAKE SUCH A GREAT TEAM ALLURA
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: WE SHOULD COMBINE CELLS
something sciencey: FUUUUUUHK YES
“So, Keith, what do you find most interesting about our Lance?”
Keith was mid-pizza bite and now had everyone’s eyes on him. Well, not Lance’s. Lance was glaring at his mother for asking that. It wasn’t like Keith was someone Lance was bringing home to meet the parents.
Lance was about to say something along the lines of “you don’t have to answer that” when Keith said, “I like the way he makes the people around him feel. And the way he makes me—uh, yeah. Uh. Yeah.”
No doubt in his mind, Lance was blushing. Keith was blushing. His family seemed extremely amused by it.
Veronica, who was sitting on his other side, thankfully, saved Keith. “Don’t worry, Keith. None of us know what to say about Lance either. He is another entity.”
“Hey!” Lance said as he reached around Keith to slap Veronica on the back of the head. She snickered as Lance looked at Keith. He looked like he wanted to die.
Coran’s Last Three Braincells
saturday 9:25 pm
briancell -1: yo dude it’s nine oclock speak to us. we r your fam from another dam
bigarms: not sure what that means! but yeah where are you lance! are you 2 still making out!
briancell -1: oh my god they are
avocadoToast is active
avocadoToast: oh my god we aren’t
avocadoToast: he left like two hours ago
avocadoToast: but he stayed for dinner
bigarms: he got to go to pizza night???? i want to go to pizza night!!!!!!!
briancell -1: so,,,,,,,,,
briancell -1: what happened,,,,,,,,,,
avocadoToast: well my mom asked what he liked about me and keith said that he likes the way i make people feel????? then he said “and i like the way he makes me” but then he stopped talking??????? what does it mean?????????
bigarms: it means that he was about to say “the way he makes me feel” but chickened out because he was!! in front!! of your!! mother!!
briancell -1: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
avocadoToast: respectfully disagree
bigarms: do you really not see how into each other you two are????
avocadoToast: yEa right keith does not like me even in a Friend way
briancell -1: dOeS nOt EVen LieK mE iN a FRiEnD waY
bigarms: lance u fkn idiot just tell him how you feeeeeeeeeeeel
avocadoToast: but———!
briancell -1: it would be very gucci of you two to just get together already istg i cannot handle all this. like ew stop please just like
bigarms: date!
avocadoToast: but what if he doesn’t want to?
briancell -1: DO YOU HAVE EUES?????
bigarms: eues
avocadoToast: euis
briancell -1: did you just misspell my misspelling??
avocadoToast: technicalities, technicalities
bigarms: WHATEVER JUST ASK HIM OUT OR NO LOVE 4 U
avocadoToast: GASP
braincell -1: GASPIER GASP
bigarms: the Casper the ghost sequel!
the pala-sluTs
monday 11:25 am
Child: lotor’s a bitch
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: maybe he’s just misunderstood!
Child: no he’s a bitch
something sciencey: probably has a lot of Trauma you kno
chickfila employee: i have trauma!
something sciencey: and you’re a bitch! still fits!
Child: damm. bars
father: What did Lotor do?
Child: well,,,
chickfila employee: it’s going to be something really fucking stupid, isn’t it?
Child: he looked at me weird
chickfila employee: yup
Child: no, but, like, he looked me up and down and then wrinkled his nose like im some kind of fish with a beard
Hunkadoodle: fish with a beard———
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: To be fair,
Child: don’t finish that llura or i will knife you
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1: you kind of do look like a fish with a beard.
Child: that’s it
LOVELY HUMAN BEING 1 changed to ghost by Child
ghost: At least I’m a hot ghost
chickfila employee: i agree
Child: youre gay
chickfila employee: and? i’m allowed to appreciate a woman’s body
something sciencey: that’s the straightest thing keith’s ever said
Hunkadoodle: nah, remember when he said “it’s a hidden valley”
chickfila employee: i still don’t understand that?????
father: I think they mean the between the boobs zone
Child: NDNSNKSLALA SHIRO
Hunkadoodle: he-
something sciencey: whi o whi
chickfila employee: oh
chickfila employee: ew
the pala-sluTs
monday 3:08 pm
ghost: GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS
ghost: AND PIDGE AND PIDGE AND PIDGE AND PIDGE AND PIDGE
Child: WHAT
ghost: I THINK I JUST GOT ASKED TO PROM??????
something sciencey: BY WHO??????
chickfila employee: aye get that ass
Child: please don’t say lotor i will knife again
Child: keith, I’m disturbed bi u
ghost: ROMELLE SHE ASKED ME AND I SAID YES BECAUSE WOW SHE IS AMAZING BUT LIKE SHE ASKED ME!!!!!!!
chickfila employee: disturbed by u too lance
chickfila employee: oH THATS A NICE PIECE OF ASS
Hunkadoodle: OMFG ALLURA THATS AMAZING GO YOU
chickfila employee: not that I’ve looked I’m just assuming
something sciencey: never ass-ume Keith
something sciencey: and fuck yes allura
Child: YES NOT LOTOR IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU ALLURA
father: Romelle is adorable! I feel like a dad again!
Child: BUT. SHE. IS. OUR. MOTHER.
father: I’ve got the birth certificate.
chickfila employee: UhM WoT
something sciencey: ^^^^^^^^^
Child: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hunkadoodle: ^^^^^^^^^^^^
ghost: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
ghost: prom is going to be great
ghost: i’m so glad our resident nerd is super smart too! they just bumped their way into being a junior and our hearts!
something sciencey: that had the same energy as “uwu” and I’m a little afraid rn
shvillain
wednesday 8:43 pm
allura: Can I teleport over to give you a hug?
shvillain: No.
allura: Sadface
the pala-sluTs
wednesday 8:56 pm
ghost: Shiro won’t let me hug him
Child: boo-hoo!
Child: oh wait that’s your line
Child: fucking ghost
ghost: Feeling attacked and I’m not here for it
the weebs
friday 4:33 pm
weeb uno: Why are we called “the weebs”?
weeb adam: no clue babe just roll with it
weeb princess: [enters armadillo mode] *rolls*
weeb pussy: obviously so we can get keith and lance together!
weeb adam: bc that was totally obviously the reason this gc exists
weeb Weeb: is that snark adam i will remove you
weeb adam: no...it wasn’t pidge don’t remove me...
weeb uno: It probably is snark.
weeb adam: keith’s right you are a traitor
weeb pussy: have you read our texts????
weeb adam: and i said, “no,” you know, like a liar
weeb princess: john mulaney supremacy!
weeb Weeb: the only cishet white guy i stan
weeb uno: Anygays, I’m not gonna go behind Lance and Keith’s backs, and neither are you guys.
weeb Weeb removed weeb uno from the weebs
weeb adam: this is dangerous he’s going to text me and be like “add me back you shit”
weeb pussy: your boyfriend calls you shit????
weeb adam: yes it’s very enduring
weeb adam: but I will resist! and I will help!
weeb Weeb: great, let the meeting commence
the pala-sluTs
saturday 9:34 am
Child: it’s-
Child: today’s prom yall !!!!!
chickfila employee: …...yay…..
something sciencey: does anyone else notice how keith only immediately responds if it’s lance that texts in the gc?????
father: Yeah.
Hunkadoodle: haha yup
ghost: Oh we decided to bring it up?
chickfila employee: eye- eye do not
father: Yeah, you do.
ghost: dad burn!
Child: shudup
something sciencey: no we will never
something sciencey: anyways, do you two have dates to prom?
something sciencey: shiro has adam, allura has romelle, hunk has shay (which thank god she said yes or else we’d be carrying around tissues wherever he went if she didn’t), i have me,, u two are seemingly dateless plan to do anything about that???? hmmmmmmmm
Child: this feels like a trap
chickfila employee: yeah
Child: bye!
Child is inactive
ghost: Keith!!!!!!!! Ask lance out!!!!!!!!
chickfila employee is inactive
Hunkadoodle: okay but what do you think about me and shay taking cute couple pictures at the lake?????
ghost: omg yes and i can have cute couple photos with romelle!!!!
father: Adam and I would like to join in.
something sciencey: calm down this isn’t an orgy
Hunkadoodle: EXcusE Me
something sciencey: unless you want it to be damn
father is inactive
mullet
saturday 11:03 am
lance: you good??
mullet: yeah, why??
lance: you seem off??
mullet: just not that excited for prom
lance: WHAT WHY
mullet is inactive
the weebs
saturday 11:38 am
weeb Weeb: phase one is complete my friends
weeb adam: wait what happened shiro isn’t letting me look anymore
weeb princess: *whispers under breath* shvillain
weeb pussy: ALLURA WHAG IS THAT
weeb princess: My name for shiro
weeb Weeb: god bless
weeb adam: so what happened???????
weeb pussy: you seem very invested in two juniors’ love lives adam
weeb adam: bc i am now tell me
weeb Weeb: basically we called keith out on his bs and flustered them both
weeb adam: and how does that help?
weeb Weeb: it shows them that they’re both nervous around the topic
weeb princess: Nervous because they looOoOoOoOove each other
weeb Weeb: again, uwu energy allura calm your tits
weeb princess: Oh sorry I’ll tell them to calm down. Hey yo tits calm down
weeb princess: There
the pala-sluTs
saturday 3:37 pm
father: Adam’s parents may have rented a limo.
Child: may have or they did
father: They did.
Child: …..can we ride in it?
Father: Yes, Lance.
Child: FUCK YES FLIPPIN FUCK FLY ON THAT SHIT FUCK YES YOU AINT GOT NOTHING ON ME LOTOR
Hunkadoodle: omygooosh that’s amazing thank u adam’s parents we love u!! mwah mwah
ghost: What about lake pictures?
father: We’ll pick you guys up early so we can take group pictures. If that’s alright?
chickfila employee: fine w me
something sciencey: same!!! but matt wants to ride in the limo
something sciencey: I’ll kick him to the curb if you want me to
Child: literally or figuratively?
something sciencey: well I’ve always wanted to try both
Child: then bothhhhhhhh
father: No, he can come. Maybe this group will finally see an intellectual conversation.
something sciencey: i-
Child: he just-
ghost: He roasted all of us-
father: dad burn!!!!!
chickfila employee: oh fuck
Child: is this a horror movie
Child: Dad Turns Into Evil Dad
chickfila employee: very creative, lance
Child: oh shut up you and your commas mr english professor
father is inactive
chickfila employee: well at least I can form sentences!
Child: “Uh. Yeah. Uh. Yeah.”
chickfila employee is inactive
Hunkadoodle: what did you do?
Child: uh
Child is inactive
Guardian Angel
saturday 6:21 pm
Guardian Angel: Be there in twenty minutes, we’re picking up Allura first. Be ready, preferably.
lance: okay !?
Lance was pacing by the front door for the second time that week. Why did he have to say that to Keith? Lance knew that it would make him...hurt? Embarrassed? Which was why he said it.
Why was he pushing Keith away? He really, really liked him, and that was the last thing he wanted.
He pushed a hand through his hair, huffing. “Ask him to dance.” Lance whipped around, seeing his mother.
“What?”
“Ask that boy to dance.” Lance smiled at her. His mother always knew when to say the right things, and maybe he’ll listen to her.
“Thanks, mom.”
The doorbell rang, but this time Lance’s mother got it. “Hello, Keith. It’s nice to see you again.”
Lance peeked his head over her shoulder, and wow. He wore a deep red suit, his violet eyes shining. The slight pout in his lips almost went unnoticed, as Lance was focused on Keith’s hair. It was up in a low ponytail, and Lance felt a blush rise to his cheeks.
“Okay, bye, mom.” Lance pushed pass, grabbing Keith by the shoulders. “I’ll send you the pictures from the lake! Gotta get this samuri in the limo, love ya.” Then they were out the door.
Lance felt a body bump into his. It was Keith.
The monsters he had as friends made it a point to get his attention, and when they had it, they started dancing around and pointing to their ears. What? He mouthed.
But then, then he heard it.
Keith, still leaning against him, was looking up at Lance, and Lance was looking back.
Lance flashed his best grin, the energy of the room boosting his confidence. “Do you wanna dance?”
With wide eyes, Keith looked startled at first, but he melted into it. “I thought you’d never ask,” he chirped, leaning back to take Lance’s hand.
“Lover” by Taylor Swift was playing.
the weebs
saturday 9:32 pm
weeb Weeb: phase two complete!
weeb Weeb: we’ve done it soldiers