Archive of Our Own

Jaehyun wouldn’t say he’s obsessed with finding his soulmate. It’s not like he’s one of those crazed soulmate hunters who drop everything to travel the world in hopes of finding the one . Jaehyun’s just got a healthy amount of curiosity about it, that’s all. Who wouldn’t be curious knowing that the person who owns the other half of their soul is out there waiting for him to complete them? He likes to keep his eyes peeled, so to speak. You never know if the random stranger crossing the street might end up being your destiny. And Jaehyun for one is ready to meet his destiny.

Taeyong says he needs to relax about the soulmate business, that it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen, if it even happens at all that is. It’s easy for Taeyong to say when he and Yuta have known they’re each other’s soulmates since they were old enough to know what soulmates even are. It’s easy for him to take such a nonchalant stance when he gets to wake up the man of his dreams every single morning and know for a fact that fate has decided they are meant to be together. 

Jaehyun had always thought it was an exaggeration when people said you’ll know the moment you meet your soulmate. How was he supposed to know when no one would give him a straightforward explanation of what he should be looking out for? What if he’s already met his soulmate and doesn’t realize it because he was distracted or unsure of the signs to look for? Every time he asked Taeyong or Yuta, they just mumbled some unhelpful bullshit about feeling as if everything is falling into place or finally being able to breathe. Jaehyun has spent the better part of his friendship rolling his eyes at his friends’ cryptic explanations and asking for clarification only for them to say you’ll understand one day .

It’s not until he finally meets his own soulmate Jaehyun realizes just how much he’d underestimated everything.

The day starts off like any other day—it’s not like Jaehyun gets out of bed every morning expecting to meet his soulmate. After all these years, it’s more of an afterthought lingering in the back of mind than anything else. The hope is always there when he sees a cute stranger on campus or accidentally bumps into someone on the street, but he’s not going to be disappointed if said stranger doesn’t turn out to be his soulmate. But really, finally finding his soulmate is the last thing he expects as he rushes to his class that morning, eyeing his watch warily as he walks, focused solely on making it to his lecture in time.

 The figure comes up suddenly from behind him, speed walking past Jaehyun in a blur and just like that, he knows . It’s like one second, nothing is out of the ordinary, and the next all of his senses come alive at once. Colours are brighter, smells are stronger, and even the oxygen in his lungs is somehow more potent, but all he can focus on is the stranger in front of him, his soulmate.  

The stranger, a slender male with dark hair, freezes in the middle of the sidewalk with his back still facing Jaehyun, and flinches on the spot. He feels it too , Jaehyun thinks excitedly, waiting for him to turn around so he can see his face and maybe run into his arms. He eagerly starts to walk forward towards his soulmate when all of a sudden he’s moving again, but it’s not to turn around or to walk towards Jaehyun. Instead, he bolts in the opposite direction, walking quickly, further and further away from Jaehyun.

“Hey, wait,” Jaehyun calls, leaping into action to chase after him, but it only seems to spur him to move faster, into a full run now. 

Jaehyun runs after him, trying to catch up, but is brought to a halt when he runs inside a cafe. He moves to head inside after him but pauses when he sees through the window, his soulmate storming straight behind the counter of the cafe and into the back room. Oh, Jaehyun thinks, he must work here . 

With a glance at his watch, he wrestles with the decision on whether he should just leave this be until after class. He glances back at the cafe and is reminded of the thrumming and longing in his chest that hasn’t left since the moment he laid eyes on his soulmate. He feels a physical pull towards the cafe, one he doesn’t want to fight against. 

Fuck it . Jaehyun thinks, pushing against the handle of the cafe. Class could wait. This was his soulmate he was talking about and there was no way he’d be able to pay attention to any lecture knowing he was within his grasp. He had to meet him once and for all.

Jaehyun steps into the cafe cautiously,  greeted by soft music and the friendly smile of the cashier at the register. 

“Hi there! Welcome to—”

“Where is he?” Jaehyun interrupts him, causing the cashier’s eyes to widen and Jaehyun to cringe when he realizes how rude he must sound.

“Sorry,” he apologizes quickly, eyeing the nametag of the cashier, “...Jungwoo. Let me try this again. That guy that just ran inside, who is he? Can I talk to him?”

Jungwoo stares at him warily, “You mean Doyoung? What could you possibly want with Doyoung?”

Aha , a name, Doyoung . Jaehyun can’t help but repeat the name out loud, just to see how it would feel on his tongue. He thinks it feels perfect, a name he wouldn’t mind saying for the rest of his life.

“Doyoung,” he says again, “Yes. I need to see him.”

Jungwoo narrows his eyes, “Why? Who are you, I’ve never seen you around before? Where do you know Doyoung from?”

Jaehyun sighs in irritation—he’s starting to feel antsy. All he wants is to see his soulmate and this Jungwoo character was making it awfully difficult for him. 

“He’s my soulmate,” Jaehyun confesses, deciding the truth would probably be the quickest way to get what he wants, “He walked past me on the street and I followed him in here.”

More like chased him in here, but Jungwoo doesn’t need to know what.

Jungwoo doesn’t look fully convinced, “How are you so sure he’s your soulmate?”

Jaehyun gives him a pleading look, “Please, I just know .”

Jungwoo stares him down for a moment longer before he finally relents. “I’ll go see if he’s available, but I can’t promise he’ll want to talk to you.”

Jaehyun thanks him quickly as he watches him head into the back room, hoping he doesn’t take too long. Anxiety and anticipation swim in the pit of his stomach, but he can’t think of any reason why his soulmate would possibly not want to see him. After what feels like an eternity, Jungwoo finally emerges again from the back room with another person following close behind.

Jaehyun feels his breath catch in his throat and the floor threatens to fall from beneath his feet the second he manages to properly lay his eyes on what was possibly the most perfect human being in the entire universe. On Doyoung. His soulmate. He meets his gaze instantly and like before, Doyoung flinches in place at the sight of Jaehyun, the furrow in his brow deep, before he appears to collect himself and school his face into a neutral expression.

His actions puzzle Jaehyun, because while Jaehyun’s busy with his jaw on the floor and heart thumping loudly in his chest, Doyoung looks calm and quite frankly, displeased. Was he disappointed in what he saw? His friends had always assured him he was a good-looking guy, but now Jaehyun wasn’t so sure. Doyoung walks around the counter and gestures for him to follow, leading them to an empty table in a deserted corner of the cafe. He sits down and waits for Jaehyun to do the same.

Jaehyun takes a seat across from Doyoung and for a few minutes, they just stare at each other. Jaehyun’s eyes are unable to leave Doyoung’s face even if he wanted to. It’s only when Doyoung coughs loudly that Jaehyun realizes he should probably introduce himself.

“Hi,” he says, sounding a little breathless, “I’m Jaehyun.”

“Doyoung,” he nods curtly, “You said you wanted to talk. So talk.”

The chilly response catches Jaehyun a bit off guard, but he tries his best not to let it deter him. Perhaps Doyoung was just in a bad mood, or shy around strangers. He’s sure he’ll warm up in no time. He has to, he’s his soulmate .

“I’m sure you’ve realized by now that we’re soulmates,” Jaehyun states and a giddy feeling starts to bloom in his chest the second he says the words out loud.

He’s dreamed of this moment ever since he was a little boy; the moment his life truly begins.

Doyoung purses his lips, “I’m aware.”

Jaehyun gives him a moment to continue but Doyoung doesn’t say any more than that. Again, Jaehyun brushes his anxiety aside and pushes on.

“I’m so happy to finally meet you,” Jaehyun says with a hopeful smile on his face, “you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to meet my soulmate.”

Doyoung eyes look down, flickering with an emotion Jaehyun can’t quite read.

“Okay,” he says, standing up, “so you’ve met me. Now that’s all good and done, you can leave. I’ve got work to do and you can carry on with whatever it is you were doing before.”

Jaehyun shakes his head in confusion, rising to his feet as well, “If this is a bad time, I can come back later when you’re done with your work. We should probably exchange numbers first though.”

Jaehyun pulls his phone out of his pocket, but he’s stopped by Doyoung’s hand.

“I think you misunderstood me,” Doyoung says, “it was nice meeting you but I don’t wish to see you again. Best of luck with the rest of your life.”

Jaehyun takes a step back in confusion. “W-what?” he stutters, shaking his head, “but you’re my soulmate.”

Doyoung shrugs, “So? Soulmates don’t mean shit. I’m sure you can pick up anyone off the street and they’ll probably be a better match than me. No offence to you, I have no interest in soulmates.”

“How can you say that when we’ve barely just met? You can’t just say that without giving it a chance.” Jaehyun asks frantically, “Is that why you ran away from me?”

Doyoung gives him a hard look. “Ideally, you would have gotten the idea to quit right then and there. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

He pushes past Jaehyun, knocking into his shoulder harshly without bothering to look back as he heads straight into the back of the cafe once again. Jaehyun gapes at the now empty spot where Doyoung stood, ears ringing as he processes what the hell just happened. He slumps back in his chair and buries his face in his hands, trying to cool himself down enough so he doesn’t start crying in public. 

How could this be? His soulmate was supposed to be his perfect other-half, the only one in the entire world for him, yet Doyoung seemed like he wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. 

A dull thud on the table interrupts and Jaehyun quickly uncovers his face to find Jungwoo standing above him with his arms crossed. A cup of coffee and a slice of chocolate cake sit on the table in front of him.

“On the house,” Jungwoo says before leaning down and giving Jaehyun a serious look, “eat up and if you know what’s best for you, respect Doyoung’s wishes and don’t come back. I know you mean well, but if I see your face in this cafe again, I won’t hesitate to kick you out.”

Jaehyun stares at Jungwoo dejectedly, never in his life has he felt more helpless.

“But why?” Jaehyun asks pleadingly, “why doesn’t he want me?”

Jungwoo sighs, pursing his lips as he debates if Jaehyun deserves an answer. “Look,” he says after a long pause, “it’s got nothing to do with you if that’s what you’re worried about. Doyoung just doesn’t believe in soulmates. He hasn’t had the best experience with them in the past.”

Jaehyun frowns as his mind starts to run rampant as he tries to make sense of Jungwoo’s words. What kind of experience was he talking about? Jaehyun knows for a fact everyone only got one soulmate in their lifetime. 

“What does that mean?” he asks in confusion, but this time Jungwoo only shrugs in reply.

“It doesn’t matter,” is all he says, “now finish your food so you can get out of here already.”

—

They say soulmates possess a sort of gravitational pull towards each other. It’s subtle and not noticeable most of the time when they’re together, but when separated, soulmates report a feeling a longing sense inside their chest until they’re reunited again. Yuta described it to him once when Taeyong went away on a family trip, that while it doesn’t hurt, the separation does leave a lingering sense of something missing. Jaehyun would argue the lingering sense inside is more like a sharp throbbing ache that keeps him up at night, but he has a feeling his one and only disastrous meeting with his soulmate has something to do with that. 

However, Jaehyun’s also heard stories of this gravitational pull and its abilities to bring soulmates physically together when they least expect it. Yuta and Taeyong admit to accidentally running into each other on campus far too often to be considered a mere coincidence, especially when you consider their respective faculties are on the opposite ends of the campus. They never seem to question it though, nor do they seem to care about the idea that a larger force might be at play.

So Jaehyun doesn’t question it when he fumbles through his closet in search of his black skinny jeans with too many rips to be appropriate for daywear, after feeling the sudden urge to go clubbing. It’s only Tuesday night and he doesn’t even really like clubbing, but something in his brain is telling him to go out tonight and he’s not going to fight against his own mind. 

The club is already packed by the time Jaehyun arrives, and he’s instantly hit with the smell of sweat and alcohol. He briefly considers turning back and just heading home, but ultimately wills himself to stay. He’s here and might as well at least get a drink to help soothe the emptiness in his chest.

One drink turns into three, which Jaehyun downs in quick succession before gesturing to the bartender for another refill. The alcohol helps to numb the edges of his senses a little, but Jaehyun handles his drinks well and knows it’ll take a lot more to get himself properly intoxicated. He sips slowly on this drink, turning around on his barstool to assess the crowd of dancing, sweating bodies illuminated by the lights of the club.

It’s a crowd he’d probably try to avoid under any other circumstances but tonight he feels drawn to it. It’s as if his limbs move on their own accord, feet hopping off the barstool and hands carelessly returning his now empty glass onto the table behind him. He heads straight for the centre of the crowd, pushing past the bodies of strangers, several of which try to stop him along the way to dance. Jaehyun grimaces at the lack of personal space and shakes off their wandering hands but continues to trudge on in search of something he hasn't quite figured out yet.

His feet stop before his brain can catch up as to why. For a moment, Jaehyun just stands in the centre of the dancefloor, frozen still as he tries to make sense of why he’s here over the pounding music. He squints his eyes, trying to bring them into focus as he glances over the sea of moving bodies. It’s dizzy and disorientating and all too much going on at once for Jaehyun. Or it is until the figure dancing a little off the side in front of him suddenly turns around and suddenly he feels as if his entire world has been put on pause. Doyoung.

He says the name out loud as well, at least he thinks he does because he can’t hear a thing over the music in the club. Doyoung seems to register the call of his name though, an owlish expression on his face as he freezes mid-dance to stare at Jaehyun in shock. He shakes his head slightly as if to express his disbelief.

Wasting no time, Jaehyun takes two long strides to close the distance between them. He remembers clearly what Doyoung told him last time they saw each other, but he doesn’t want to think about it. He has no time to think right now, only to do. He might have already rejected him once but something in the universe, call it fate if you want, has brought them back together tonight and there was no way Jaehyun was just going to walk away from his soulmate again with his tail tucked between his legs.

He almost expects Doyoung to run away again. After all, he made his intentions clear the first time around that he wants nothing to do with him. Instead, he doesn’t even flinch, staying stock still until Jaehyun has made his way right up against him. The tightly packed club doesn’t leave much room for breathing and they’re forced together by the movement of the dance floor, their bodies bumping into each other until their chests are pressed against each other.

Jaehyun more or less melts as he feels the heat of Doyoung against him. Even through their layers of clothing, it feels as if he’s being completely surrounded by Doyoung’s presence, which seems to form a little protective bubble around them, fading out all other background noises and sensations. Doyoung breath stutters and Jaehyun can tell he’s being similarly affected. Jaehyun’s heart pounds loudly in his chest at the thought that this was their soulmate bond in action. It’s so easy to let his instincts take over, hands coming to rest perfectly on Doyoung’s hips, his hold tightening was Doyoung’s shows no signs of moving away.

Jaehyun’s gaze burns as he stares at Doyoung’s dark eyes, trying to decipher the mess of emotions inside them. There’s a level of fear or panic in them, but he also detects something hotter in them, a heady expression that sends jolts of electricity running through his veins. His fingertips harder dig into Doyoung’s hips as he tries to ground himself and suddenly, Doyoung is spurred into action. 

It’s hard to remember the exact order of events, but the next thing Jaehyun knows, a pair of arms are wrapped tightly around his neck and a pair of soft lips are pushing desperately against his own. To not kiss back would be to deny his very human nature so he doesn’t hold back, letting his instincts take over and kissing Doyoung like it’s the last thing he’s ever going to do. 

Kissing Doyoung is like taking a breath of fresh air. He's almost surprised when he can’t taste a drop of alcohol on his tongue—in the back of his mind, he had wondered if Doyoung was only acting this way because he was drunk so the thought of Doyoung being sober and still kissing ignites the fire inside him further. Even with no alcohol, Jaehyun thinks he could get drunk off this, off the taste of Doyoung’s lips, sweeter and more potent than anything he’s ever had. It’s as if he’s died and landed in heaven, sipping on ambrosia for the first time. 

Hands start to wander and with his last bit of coherence, Jaehyun suggests they head back to his place. He’s surprised when Doyoung agrees easily, taking his hand and allowing him to lead the way out of the club. Again, he had expected Doyoung would try to run away and he holds his breath the entire cab ride home, in fear of Doyoung stopping the car and backing out at the last minute. It takes until they’re back in Jaehyun’s tiny studio apartment and his back slammed against the front door and lips are latched onto his neck that he realizes maybe Doyoung wants this just as badly as he does.

—

Jaehyun wakes up to warmth. Warmth that seeps through his skin and into his bones, warmth that fills his nostrils and comforts him to his very core. He doesn’t need to open his eyes to recognize the source of the warmth as the body pressed up against his. He mindlessly reaches out to wrap his arms Doyoung, even throwing a leg over to pull himself closer and bury his face into his back to inhale more of his comforting scent. For a little while, likely in his half-asleep state, Doyoung relaxes against him and allows Jaehyun to cling onto him. It doesn’t last long though, and Jaehyun can tell pinpoint the exact moment Doyoung realizes where he is by the way his body stiffens in his hold. 

He nuzzles his nose into Doyoung’s skin, hoping to hold on for just a second longer but he’s not so fortunate when he feels Doyoung’s hands start to pull at his arms, trying to peel himself out of his grasp.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung says softly but sternly and Jaehyun reluctantly unravels himself from around him.

He flops onto his back, eyes now open and head tilted towards Doyoung as he watches him sit up and stretch. Every second of last night had been so perfect; in fact, it was everything he wished their first meeting could and should have been. As great as yesterday was, it’s now the morning after and while Jaehyun’s heart swells at the fact Doyoung stayed the night, he can’t help but feel a heaviness start to weigh down on him.

Doyoung turns around to face Jaehyun. He doesn’t look angry or upset, but he doesn’t look particularly happy to be here either.

“Can I use your shower?” he asks cooly, picking up his discarded clothes from the floor and slipping on his boxers.

“Of course,” Jaehyun nods, “there are extra towels on the rack in the bathroom.”

Doyoung gives him a hum of affirmation and disappears into the bathroom, leaving Jaehyun and his racing thoughts alone to stew.

Jaehyun sits up immediately when he re-emerges a while later, hair damp and fully dressed in his shirt and jeans from the night before. His eyes dart around Jaehyun’s apartment inquisitively before he decides to walk towards the fridge and pull it open. 

“Do you have any food?”

It’s a redundant question to ask because the unimpressed look on Doyoung’s face at the sight of his pathetically empty fridge has Jaehyun mentally scolding himself for being so unprepared. 

“Sorry,” he apologizes, “I haven’t had a chance to go grocery shopping in a while.”

Doyoung closes the fridge with a disappointed huff and crosses his arms over his chest. Cute , Jaehyun’s mind supplies as he watches him in amusement.

“Do you make it a habit to raid the fridges of all your hookups?” Jaehyun asks, words slipping out of his mouth in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Judging by Doyoung’s reaction, it’s the wrong choice. His eyes narrow at Jaehyun and he shifts uneasily from one leg to another.

“I don’t do hookups,” he replies plainly and Jaehyun winces at the cold shift in his tone.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun apologizes quickly, “I just assumed because you were at the club–”

“I like to dance,” he interrupts with a stiff shrug, “I should get going.”

Jaehyun nods, feeling disappointed. He had been half-tempted to ask if Doyoung wanted to go out to breakfast with him, but right now all Doyoung looks like he wants to do is leave. 

“Wait, before you go,” Jaehyun says, quickly grabbing a pen and scribbling down his phone number on a stray piece of paper from his nightstand, “Take this.”

He holds it out for Doyoung, who stares at the piece of paper for a minute before striding across the room in a few steps to snatch it up quickly and shove it into the pocket of his jeans without so much as looking at it. Instead of leaving right away, Doyoung stands at the edge of the bed unmoving. Jaehyun sits up straighter, his heart speeding up when Doyoung leans in slightly, reaching a hand out towards the bed. Jaehyun can feel his palms sweat and he leans in as well in anticipation. 

However, any anticipation or hope inside his chest is promptly squashed down again when Doyoung reaches past him to grab his sweater on the other side of the bed. All too soon, he’s pulling the sweater on and walking away towards the front door.

“I’ll see you,” Jaehyun manages to call out weakly, but Doyoung doesn’t justify him with a reply before he disappears into the hallway, shutting the door tightly behind him.

—

The first time Jaehyun tries to visit the cafe, one morning before class, Jungwoo hops over the counter and pushes him back out the door before he can even get two steps in. He still remembers Jungwoo’s warning clear as day, and normally he wouldn’t have tried to violate it, but Doyoung still hasn’t texted him and Jaehyun is starting to get desperate to see him again.

“What did I tell you?” he scolds Jaehyun harshly once they’re outside on the sidewalk, “Get out of here.”

Jaehyun runs a hand through his hair, pulling at it in exasperation, “Maybe I just want a cup of coffee? Would you do this to any other paying customer?”

Jungwoo scoffs and shakes his head, “We both know you’re not here for coffee.”

Jaehyun glances wistfully into the cafe, he can see Doyoung is now manning the register and a tiny spark shoots through him at the sight of his soulmate. As if sensing his gaze, Doyoung looks up and meets his eyes through the window. Doyoung stares back at him intensely for a beat before shaking his head and looking away again. Jaehyun reluctantly peels his eyes away as well. 

“Can’t I just say hi?”

Jungwoo is firm, “No.”

“ Please? ”

“Jaehyun, leave. ”

The second time Jaehyun tries to visit the cafe, he switches up his strategy and visits on a Saturday evening in hopes of avoiding Jungwoo’s shift. He’s greeted by an unfamiliar employee at the counter, a bright-eyed boy with a name tag reading Jeno who shows no sign of recognizing him. Jaehyun lets out a breath of relief and walks up to the counter.

“What can I get for you today?” he asks warmly with a smile.

Jaehyun offers a smile back, “Just a regular coffee, thank you.”

He cranes his head to look around the cafe for any sign of Doyoung while Jeno enters in the order, but comes up empty. Perhaps he was in the back again.

“Is Doyoung working today?” Jaehyun asks as casually as he can manage, handing over his card to pay.

Jeno briefly gives him a strange look but shakes his head, “Doyoung doesn’t work Saturdays.”

Jaehyun hums, “Do you happen to know what days he does work?”

He tries to keep his face as neutral as possible when Jeno’s eyes flicker up to assess him. It seems he deems Jaehyun harmless when he answers, “He’s usually in every day except Saturdays. Did you have a good experience with him last time?”

“You could say that,” Jaehyun says with a nod before adding on, “and Jungwoo too, do you happen to know when he works?”

Jeno raises an eyebrow, “Mornings, typically.”

Jaehyun thanks Jeno when he finally collects his coffee and leaves the cafe with a grin, armed with his new knowledge from Jeno and a plan to put it all into action.

Jaehyun visits the cafe the very next evening, walking in purposely to find Doyoung himself at the counter. Finally . Doyoung takes one glance at him and although his shoulders slump in a sigh, he doesn’t immediately tell him to get lost. There is no surprise in his face at Jaehyun’s presence, in fact, Doyoung looks as if he’s almost been expecting him. A quick peek at a guilty-looking Jeno watching them as he wipes down tables in the back of the cafe tells Jaehyun that perhaps he was. 

“Hi,” Jaehyun breathes out, “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Doyoung shrugs, eyes focused down on the register, “Are you going to order?”

“Yeah, do you have any recommendations?” he asks in an attempt to prolong the conversation.

Doyoung however, has none of it. “The coffee,” he says blandly, not bothering to offer anything more.

“Then I’ll have that,” Jaehyun says, trying to sound positive, “and a maybe a slice of chocolate cake too.”

Doyoung grunts in acknowledgement and continues to keep his eyes trained on the register. All Jaehyun wants to do is reach his hand out to lift Doyoung’s chin up so he’ll look at him , but he restrains himself, knowing it will only likely scare him off.

“Why haven’t you called or texted?” Jaehyun settles on asking instead.

It gnaws on his insides—Doyoung had pointedly taken his number that morning and it’s been over a week with no sign of contact. Jaehyun can see Doyoung swallow thickly at the question.

“I didn’t know I was required to,” Doyoung says tightly, “Do you call all your one-night stands?”

Jaehyun takes a breath and tries to keep the frustration simmering in him at bay. Doyoung takes a breath too and closes his eyes as if in anticipation of what’s to come. 

“You and I both know that’s not what this is,” Jaehyun says quietly, “You said yourself that you don’t do hookups. I can’t stop thinking about that night and about you. I know you must have felt it too when we were together.”

Jaehyun has done his fair share of fooling around in bed, especially when he first started college, mostly out of curiosity and horniness. While he can’t say he didn’t have fun, all of his previous experiences pale in comparison to being with Doyoung. Not only were physical sensations and emotions heightened, but something about being with Doyoung, with his soulmate , felt like the pieces of a puzzle finally coming together. Never in his life has Jaehyun felt more like he was right where he needed to be than when he was in Doyoung’s arms and with the release of pleasure was the release of all the world’s weight off his shoulders. If Jaehyun could, he would have held on that night and never let go, and at the moment, it felt as if Doyoung felt the same way.

Doyoung bites his bottom lip and the apples of his cheeks flush with the slightest shade of red. Even without words, his reaction is telling.

“I don’t think it matters,” Doyoung says, “It won’t happen again.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, “Is that what you really want?”

Doyoung stills, taking a few deep breaths before he finally raises his head to look properly at him. Jaehyun loses himself for a moment, marvelling at the way Doyoung’s eyes manage to take his breath away every single time.

“Let me get your order ready,” Doyoung interrupts, turning away again.

He doesn’t touch on Jaehyun’s earlier question but Jaehyun thinks perhaps no answer is better than if Doyoung had said yes. A sense of disappointment courses through him when Doyoung hands him his coffee and cake, tucked away in a to-go container. 

“Have a nice evening,” he says in a fake cheerful customer service voice but Jaehyun doesn’t budge from his spot.

“Text me,” he says insistently, “or I won’t stop visiting and there’s nothing you or Jungwoo can do about it.”

Doyoung doesn’t say anything more after that and Jaehyun gives him one more look, hoping to convey his genuineness, before he gives his final thanks and takes his leaves.

—

Holding true to his word, Jaehyun makes it a habit to stop by the cafe at least once every other day on his way home from class. Sometimes it’s Jeno manning the counter and sometimes it’s Doyoung himself, he’s been purposely avoiding Jungwoo’s shifts , but both welcome amicably and neither have tried to kick him out so far. 

On most days Doyoung doesn’t go beyond small talk, but Jaehyun is content with that for now. He doesn't want to push Doyoung past his comfort zone and scare him off any more than he already has. He mostly just grabs his order and finds an empty spot to sit and study for a few hours. He finds that just being in Doyoung’s presence has a calming effect on him, soothing the longing ache in his chest. He can only hope he has the same influence on Doyoung. He looks more relaxed around him these days—he’s no longer anxious to avoid eye contact or immediately escape his presence, and Jaehyun takes it as a step in the right direction.

On slower days Jaehyun will sometimes linger by the counter even after he’s picked up his order, simply to watch Doyoung work. If he’s uncomfortable with Jaehyun’s eyes on him, he doesn’t voice it, choosing to ignore Jaehyun’s stare and focus on whatever task is before him. Occasionally, when he’s feeling a bit brave, Jaehyun will sometimes throw in a stray compliment, usually something harmless about the outfit he’s wearing or the way he’s styled his hair. He absolutely revels in the way his words make Doyoung freeze on the spot, blush tinting his cheeks as he tries his best not to let it get to him.

He knows he isn’t treated like any other customer either. He doesn’t need to say his order for it to be ready moments after he steps into the cafe. Half the time, Doyoung doesn’t even make him pay and no matter how hard he insists against it, he can’t deny the way his heart flutters every time Doyoung says it’s on him. Jeno greets him by name and occasionally stops by his table to chat about his day. Once, when Doyoung was busy in the back room, he had quietly let Jaehyun know he was rooting for the two of them, saying it was about time Doyoung learned how to love again. Jaehyun had wanted badly to ask Jeno to elaborate on what he meant by again , but Doyoung was about to reappear any second and he was afraid of upsetting the easygoing atmosphere.

Even Jungwoo seems to have finally accepted his presence in the cafe. On the occasions he picks up an afternoon shift, he doesn’t immediately try to kick him out the moment he arrives. While he’s certainly not as friendly as Jeno, he no longer glares at him over the counter and it's more than Jaehyun could ask for. More importantly, it means Doyoung must have had a talk with him and said so himself it was okay for Jaehyun to be here. 

Jaehyun walks into the cafe with his head held a little higher.

“Where’s Doyoung?” he asks Jeno one day when he doesn’t spot his soulmate working behind the counter. 

“He’s just getting some work done,” Jeno says, pointing to one of the tables at the back of the cafe where Doyoung sits hunched over a pile of papers.

After grabbing his coffee and giving Jeno his thanks, he carefully makes his way towards Doyoung’s table. Focused so intensely on the papers before him, Doyoung doesn’t notice Jaehyun’s presence until he pulls the seat out from across him and sits down.

“Mind if I sit here?” he asks, placing his cup down on the table.

Doyoung looks up at him for a moment with an assessing gaze, “I’m not sure my answer matters too much considering the fact you’re already sitting.”

Jaehyun smiles, “Would you have said no if I wasn’t?”

“It wouldn’t be very good customer service if I did,” he says simply with a half-shrug.

Doyoung turns back to his papers, pen scribbling over the sheets, and Jaehyun pulls his laptop out in hopes of getting some of his own work done. He smiles privately to himself as he thinks how it is to sit across from Doyoung, neither saying a word and both focused on their own work. It feels normal , like two ordinary friends, or if he wants to be ambitious, a couple on a study date. He steals peeks at Doyoung over the screen of his laptop and is mildly disappointed when he doesn’t return his gaze once. Jaehyun can’t quite make out what exactly he’s doing from across the table but he’s deep in focus on the task before him and eventually, the curiosity becomes too much for him to bear.

“Hey,” he says quietly to catch Doyoung’s attention, “what are you working on?”

Doyoung glances at him and fortunately, doesn’t look too bothered by the question.

“Just some admin stuff for the cafe,” he answers lightly, “you know, payroll and stuff.”

Jaehyun leans in closer, “Payroll?”

Doyoung lets out a light chuckle, “What? You think Jungwoo and Jeno work for me for free?”

Jaehyun leans back in his chair, staring at Doyoung in confusion, “I didn’t know they worked for you at all. I thought you were just another barista.”

Doyoung just hums, more amused than anything, but it’s a revelation that tilts Jaehyun entirely off-centre. It’s a glaring reminder of how little he knows about Doyoung, how little either of them know about each other. He’s his soulmate for christ’s sake, it should take him almost an entire month to learn something as integral to his identity as the fact that he owns the very cafe he’s been visiting almost every day. 

“Wait, how old are you?” Jaehyun asks, overcome with the urge to find out anything and everything he should have already known about Doyoung by now.

Doyoung drops his pen, mildly taken aback by the sudden random questioning. “I’m 25,” he answers cautiously before a look of slight panic takes over his expression, “Why? How old are you? Don’t tell me you’re 18 or something, I figured you were a student but—.”

“No!” Jaehyun says quickly in assurance, “I’m 24. I’m a grad student. I’m studying biology, in case you wanted to know.”

Doyoung raises an eyebrow and his lips curve into a playful smirk. “Nerd,” he half-whispers, entirely loud enough for Jaehyun to hear, “I never went to college.”

A laugh bubbles in the back of his throat, half in amusement and half in disbelief that Doyoung is teasing him. He struggles to come up with a reply that won’t make himself sound like a complete idiot and Doyoung turns back to his work, the traces of a smile still resting on his features. Jaehyun shakes his head and decides to turn his own focus back to his screen, biting down on his lip hard to force down the grin that threatens to take over his entire face.

They work in comfortable silence for the next hour, and Jaehyun isn’t shy about stealing more glances of his soulmate. He doesn’t end up being very productive and gets properly distracted several times, but it all feels worth it when he catches Doyoung looking right back at him with a curious look on his face.

“You’re staring,” Jaehyun says gently, warming up at the way Doyoung’s gaze feels on him.

“I’m pretty sure I should be the one saying that to you,” Doyoung says lightly, a slight challenge to his voice.

Jaehyun smiles, “I can’t help it if you’re distracting.”

Doyoung lets out an embarrassed huff and gives him a scolding look, “I didn’t force you to sit here.”

“No,” Jaehyun shakes his head slowly, “but it’s the seat with the best view.”

He’s aware of how cheesy he sounds and would have half a mind to cringe at his own words if Doyoung’s reactions weren’t so satisfying. Jaehyun feels a rush of accomplishment at Doyoung’s increasingly flustered state, all thanks to him.

“Shut up,” Doyoung says quietly with another huff, “Stop saying nonsense things. You should probably start packing up, the cafe is going to close soon.”

Jaehyun watches Doyoung tidy his papers into a neat stack and he’s stricken by the realization their time is coming to an end. A sense of panic builds up inside him—the afternoon had flown by in a blink of an eye and Jaehyun isn’t ready to say goodbye yet. He’s not sure if he’s being desperate or brave, but the words spill out of his mouth anyway.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

Doyoung stills, looking completely caught off guard by the question.

“Like to go for a walk or grab food or something,” Jaehyun clarifies quickly, “only if you want to, that is.”

“Oh,” Doyoung breathes out, expression still a bit shocked, “I can’t, I have to close the cafe.”

He sounds apologetic but Jaehyun is skeptical, especially considering how quick he is to spit out an excuse. Jaehyun’s shoulders sag, but he’s not ready to give up just yet.

“I don’t mind waiting for you to finish,” Jaehyun tries, “you can take as long as you need.”

Doyoung’s fiddles with his stack of papers, looking uncomfortable at the offer, “I don’t know—”

“I can close for you, boss,” Jeno suddenly emerges from seemingly nowhere, sending Jaehyun a quick conspiratory grin, “you and Jaehyun can go ahead. I’ll put these back in your office for you.”

He plucks the stack of papers right out of Doyoung’s hands and tucks them under his own arm. Doyoung glares at him in disbelief and Jaehyun all but beams at Jeno for his impeccable timing. 

“I couldn’t ask that of you, Jeno,” Doyoung attempts to argue, reaching out for his papers but Jeno is quick to move out of his grasp and shut him down.

“I insist, Doyoung. You could use the break.”

He dashes off to start cleaning up the front before Doyoung has a chance to argue, leaving the Doyoung gaping and speechless. With his excuse no longer valid, he slowly turns to face Jaehyun in exasperated defeat and all Jaehyun can do is grin victoriously back at him. 

“Fine,” Doyoung says tightly and Jaehyun all too carelessly shoves his laptop and notes into his bag.

Doyoung refuses his invitation for a meal, but agrees to walk him home. Of course, Jaehyun picks the longest route possible—the scenic route, he reasons when Doyoung tries to object. They end up by the river, walking side by side along the bank, enjoying the warm spring air and watching as the sun slowly disappears over the horizon. They make small talk, mostly facilitated by Jaehyun but the conversation flows smoothly and Doyoung doesn’t hold back on his answers. It’s comfortable. He’s pleased Doyoung came along with him, even if he was coerced into it.

Perhaps the hardest part of the walk is Doyoung’s hand dangling loosely by his side. Jaehyun eyes it, fingers itching to reach out and take his hand into his own. He discreetly edges closer to Doyoung, close enough that the backs of their hands brush together. Jaehyun pretends not to notice, playing it off as a complete accident, but is disheartened when Doyoung flinches away after a few seconds.

They continue to walk, Jaehyun maintains the close distance between them. Their hands brush again, but this time Jaehyun knows he’s not the one initiating it. Doyoung allows it for a few seconds before flinching away once again.

The third time their hands brush against each other, Jaehyun acts before Doyoung can retract himself again, grabbing at Doyoung’s hand and hastily lacing their fingers together. Jaehyun tries to give his hand a squeeze but Doyoung’s fingers hang limply in his.

Doyoung looks down at their poor excuse for hand holding, a look of uncertainty and a touch of guilt crossing his features. Maybe he’d held his hopes up too high or maybe he was acting too fast, but as patient as Jaehyun is trying to be, it gets to a certain point where he can’t stop himself from being frustrated at their process. Or lack thereof. He knows it’s a selfish thought, but was it too much to ask for Doyoung simply to hold his hand? 

“Is this so bad?” Jaehyun blurts out, “Is being with me just so difficult for you?”

He releases Doyoung’s hand a little too harshly and Doyoung cradles it against his chest, the guilt on his face intensifying.

“Jaehyun,” he says with a tired sigh, “You know it’s not that.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, “I don’t know that. I don’t know anything. Sometimes I think it would be easier if you just told me you hated me, at least then I’d know where I stand with you.”

“Jaehyun, I don’t hate you.”

“Then how do you feel about me? Because I can’t tell. Sometimes you shut yourself completely off from me, yet there are also times like today where it feels like you might actually enjoy my company. The first time we met you wanted nothing to do with me and the second time you fucking slept with me. Tell me how I’m supposed to interpret this because I sure as hell have no idea.”

Doyoung’s eyes dart around the vicinity and Jaehyun realizes just how much he’d raised his voice. Fortunately, it appears to be empty, but Jaehyun still shrinks in himself, now fearing he might have ruined what little bit of good they had between them.

“The problem isn’t that being with you is difficult,” he admits softly, “in fact it’s quite the opposite.”

Doyoung takes a look at the inevitable confusion on Jaehyun’s face and sighs deeply. 

“Come here,” he says leading them towards a nearby bench, “I need to sit down if we’re going to have this conversation.”

Jaehyun follows his lead and sits down beside him on the bench, a wave of nervousness washing over him as he anticipates Doyoung’s next words.

“The problem,” Doyoung says hesitantly, picking up where he’d left off, “is that it’s too easy to be around you and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

He reaches out and takes one of Jaehyun’s hands, holding it in his own hand gently. It’s how it should have gone earlier, when Jaehyun first tried to hold his hand.

“I don’t understand why it’s so easy to just do things like this with you,” Doyoung says, “When you’re around I feel as if everything is at ease and when you leave I feel unsettled. I don’t understand it and it scares me how much you’re able to affect me.”

“We’re soulmates,” Jaehyun says simply, obviously .

“I know that, ” Doyoung rolls his eyes and Jaehyun struggles to see what other explanation could possibly be needed. 

It makes perfect sense for Doyoung to feel this way around him—more-so, he’s relieved he does. Jaehyun has felt like this every single day since the day they met.

Doyoung frowns, “That shouldn’t matter. Everyone puts so much weight on soulmates when it doesn’t mean anything at all.”

His features are muddled with turmoil and conflict. He looks so lost and Jaehyun can’t say he feels all that much different.

“I don’t really believe that do you?” Jaehyun says, giving his hand a little squeeze, “If it didn’t mean anything, you wouldn’t be able to feel this.”

Doyoung shuts his eyes and shakes his head slightly. He doesn’t say anything. The topic clearly pains him but they’re already here and Jaehyun knows he likely won’t get another opportunity to ask.

“On the day we met, Jungwoo said you didn’t have the best experience with soulmates. What did he mean by that?”

Doyoung takes a long breath before opening his eyes again. His gaze is heavy and distant.

“I’ve been in love before,” he says quietly, “His name was Johnny and he was the love of my life. We were going to get married and I was sure he was the one I’d grow old with.”

Jaehyun feels his throat getting tight at the pain in Doyoung’s voice. “But he wasn’t your—”

“I know,” Doyoung interrupts, “he wasn’t my soulmate. I know that fact very well because he left his own soulmate to be with me. That’s why I don’t believe in soulmates; neither did Johnny.”

It’s hard for Jaehyun to wrap his head around what Doyoung is trying to say. All his life he’s known that soulmates end up together. That was just how the universe worked. He’s heard of people leaving their existing relationships for their soulmates, but never the other way around. 

“Where’s Johnny now?”

If Doyoung was claiming Johnny’s love somehow surpassed that of his soulmate, then why wasn’t he here now? Doyoung’s jaw visibly clenches and his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows hard.

“I know that’s what you’re probably thinking but no, he didn’t get back together with his soulmate,” he says tightly, “he would have never left me by choice. It was a…car accident, in case you’re wondering.”

Jaehyun’s heart drops and he’s suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. Soulmate or not, it’s obvious Doyoung loved Johnny and no one deserved to lose someone they loved. Jaehyun can’t even bring himself to be jealous anymore.

“Doyoung,” he says softly, “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. Oh god, I shouldn’t have been so pushy, I should have known to give you more space. Do you want me to give you space? I can leave right now.”

He moves to rise from the bench, but Doyoung’s hand, still loosely laced in his, pulls him back. 

“Right now all I want you to do is hold me.”

Jaehyun doesn’t need to be asked twice. He disentangles their hands only in order to wrap his arms around Doyoung and pull him into his chest. He gently strokes his back in what he hopes is a soothing manner as Doyoung crumbles in his arms. When he said he would give anything to have Doyoung in his arms, this isn’t what he meant. Now, he thinks he would give anything to take away his pain.

“Is this okay?” Jaehyun asks again softly, and Doyoung nods against his chest.

With a shaky breath, Doyoung lifts his head up to look at him directly. His features are troubled and his eyes are watery but his face is dry from tears. He looks at him long and hard, his fingers clinging tightly to the edges of Jaehyun’s jacket.

“I know I said I’d only walk you home,” Doyoung starts, voice hesitating, “but I don’t really want to be alone tonight.”

“Of course.”

Jaehyun lets Doyoung take him home. He lets him take him home and take him apart, still wishing he could somehow do more. He gives in to whatever Doyoung needs in hopes it will make him feel even the slightest bit better, even just for the night.

—

Doyoung doesn’t like sleeping alone—he learns this fact after the fourth night Doyoung follows him home. They’re lying in bed facing each other, Doyoung’s arms around his waist when Jaehyun jokingly brings it up, “ And I thought I was the clingy one. ”

Doyoung hums, eyes closed. “ I sleep better when I’m with you, ” he sleepily admits and holds on tighter.

Some days Jaehyun will arrive right after closing to see if Doyoung wants the company and some days Doyoung will show up at his table while he’s studying with his bag packed, asking if he’s ready to go. If it were up to Jaehyun, he’d happily take Doyoung home every night and bury him under his sheets never to let him leave again. 

But Doyoung does leave, usually early in the mornings and sometimes before Jaehyun wakes up. On the days Jaehyun manages to catch him before he goes, Doyoung offers a vague excuse about having work to do despite Jaehyun knowing for a fact he doesn’t work the opening shift. It’s hard not to get discouraged every time he wakes up to an empty bed or the sight of Doyoung pulling his clothes on in a hurry. 

The pain of watching him go gets easier though, because Jaehyun knows that even when he leaves, like clockwork, he’s sure to come back, sometimes even that very evening. He’s starting to think that Doyoung needs him—to see him, to have him in his presence, to feel him—just as badly as Jaehyun does.

— Hey. Are you free?

The text lights up Jaehyun’s phone and he has to blink a few times to confirm the message is really from Doyoung. He never texted him first, let alone on a Saturday afternoon. Jaehyun quickly fumbles with his keys, replying instantaneously. 

—Yeah, I’m free, just chilling at home

Doyoung’s response is just as quick.

— Okay. I’ll be there in 20 minutes.

Jaehyun drops his phone and leaps out of bed to start getting himself presentable for the day. He’d spent most of the afternoon lazing in bed, not expecting any visitors and certainly not expecting Doyoung’s company. It’s odd for Doyoung to come over so early in the day, and the time they did spend together was typically in the comfort of Jaehyun’s bed. He can’t help but wonder what exactly his intentions are.

Doyoung shows up ten minutes later than he said he would and Jaehyun lets him in wordlessly. He awkwardly enters the apartment, toeing his shoes off at the door with a quiet thank you. He always has this perpetual look of slight discomfort whenever he comes over one that eventually fades the longer he stays but this time, the frown in his eyes is especially obvious. He quietly pads over to Jaehyun’s bed and takes a seat at the edge of it—Jaehyun does the same, seating himself beside him.

“So,” Jaehyun asks with a small smile, “what brings you here today?”

Instead of answering, Doyoung closes the distance between them, pushing Jaehyun backwards onto the bed and capturing his lips in a rushed kiss. It takes Jaehyun a moment to register what’s happening, but he eventually relaxes and tentatively starts to kiss him back. He’d never say no to kissing Doyoung but it’s hard to ignore the disappointment in his chest at the realization it was that kind of visit.

He lets Doyoung take the lead, and while his kisses are aggressive and determined, something is off. He’s kissed Doyoung enough times to know when his heart isn’t in it, it’s almost as if he’s forcing himself into this. He’d rather not kiss him at all if it was going to be like this. Jaehyun stills beneath Doyoung and raises a hand against his chest to firmly push him away. 

Doyoung lets out a noise of annoyance but pulls away, collapsing beside Jaehyun on the bed. “What?” he scoffs, “You suddenly don’t want me?”

Jaehyun props himself up on his elbow to look at him. Doyoung covers his eyes with an arm to avoid looking back. Jaehyun sighs, “Doyoung, why are you really here? And don’t tell me it’s for sex because I won’t believe you.”

Doyoung groans, “I don’t know. I shouldn’t have messaged you in the first place.”

Jaehyun reaches out to gently peel Doyoung’s arm from his eyes. “You know, it won’t kill you to admit you just want to hang out with me. The last thing I’d want is for you to feel lonely when I’m available to help fix that.”

Doyoung huffs and looks at Jaehyun with a pout.

“How about we watch a movie instead?” Jaehyun suggests, sitting up and grabbing his laptop from the bedside table, “I’ll order some takeout and we can have a chill day in?”

Doyoung sits up as well, looking at Jaehyun in consideration. “Alright, he says finally, “but I get to choose the movie.”

They get cozy against the headboard of Jaehyun’s bed—he gives Doyoung free control over his laptop to choose the movie, while Jaehyun not so subtly tries to snuggle closer, craving the physical contact. If Doyoung has any complaints he doesn’t voice it, allowing Jaehyun to worm his way under his arm, head resting comfortably against his chest.

—

They end most of their nights like this, lying side by side facing each other in Jaehyun’s bed. Doyoung’s eyes are closed but Jaehyun knows he’s not asleep yet. There’s still a trace of tenseness in his face, one that only fully disappears after he falls asleep. Lately it’s been Jaehyun’s favourite pastime to lie quietly and watch as the lines and tightness in his face slowly fade as he succumbs to sleep. 

Jaehyun thinks Doyoung looks the most perfect when he’s like this, peaceful and free of stress. He only wishes Doyoung could be so at ease when he’s awake as well. He only wishes he could be the one to make him feel that way.

“I can feel you staring again,” Doyoung says with his eyes still closed, shocking Jaehyun out of his thoughts, “It’s not so easy to fall asleep when it feels like you’re being watched like an animal in a zoo.”

“Sorry,” Jaehyun mumbles, but he doesn’t stop staring.

As if sensing this, Doyoung slowly peels his eyes open to look right back at him. There’s a cautiousness in his gaze Jaehyun wishes wasn’t there. He reaches a hand out to link their fingers underneath in the sheets in what he hopes is a sign of reassurance. 

Doyoung curls his fingers in Jaehyun’s hold and his mouth forms into a sort of half-smile, “Are you ever gonna stop staring or—”

“Date me.”

Jaehyun interrupts him suddenly, overcome with the urge to blurt out the words that have been stuck on the tip of his tongue for the last few weeks.

“For real,” he continues, careful not to stumble over his words, “as much as I like what we have going on, I want to be with you properly. As your boyfriend.”

The question has been running through Jaehyun’s mind a lot these days. In the beginning, he’d been afraid of being flat out rejected and scaring Doyoung off. Once they started to spend more time together, it became about trying to find the right moment and waiting until Doyoung was ready to bring the topic up—but he’s starting to think there’s no such thing as the right moment and if he keeps on stalling, perhaps Doyoung will never be ready .

“Jaehyun…” Doyoung says quietly, a frown beginning to form on his face.

He retracts his hand from his hold and Jaehyun can’t ignore the pang of disappointment as Doyoung pulls away from him. He tries to chase him and bring Doyoung back into his hold, but he only pulls away further, crossing his arms close to his chest.

“I’m not asking you to say anything right now,” Jaehyun says quickly, hoping to salvage the situation, “I’m more than happy to give you as much time and space as you need. I would never force into something you aren’t comfortable with.”

Doyoung stays silent and Jaehyun swallows thickly before continuing, “but, I do want to be honest about my intentions and feelings. I care about you a lot and not just because you're my soulmate.”

Jaehyun pauses and takes a deep breath. “I think I might even be in love with you.”

The words slip all too easily from his mouth, along with it the impulsive desire to spill all his innermost thoughts and lay himself entirely bare for Doyoung. As scared and embarrassed as he is, the need for Doyoung to know how he feels weighs heavier. More importantly, in the back of his mind, he’s crossing his fingers and hoping for the slightest chance Doyoung might feel the same way. 

He can see the gears turning inside Doyoung’s head, but the frown doesn’t leave his face. He’s silent for a long time. The lack of a reaction starts to become suffocating and Jaehyun wonders if Doyoung might be busy contemplating his rejection inside his head. 

Eventually though, he lets out a sigh and parts his lips slowly. Jaehyun’s not sure what kind of response to brace himself for, but instead of words, a soft sob escapes his lips and in a blink, Doyoung’s eyes start to fill with tears. He wipes at them roughly, clamping a hand over his mouth as if to hold back any more sobs from escaping. It’s instinct for Jaehyun to reach out at the first sound of his soulmate’s distress, but his fingers barely graze his shoulder before Doyoung is pushing his hand and shifting to distance himself further from Jaehyun on the bed.

“Doyoung—”

“I can’t do this,” Doyoung shakes his head quickly, words sharp and firm despite his tears, “You don’t mean that, you don’t love me.”

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun tries again, “I do. I love you.”

“ Stop, ” Doyoung says, continuing to shake his head, “Don’t say that. You can’t.”

Jaehyun sits up, looking down on Doyoung in confusion. Doyoung sniffles, wiping his hands at his eyes one more time before hesitantly turning to meet Jaehyun’s eyes.

“You don’t want to love me,” Doyoung says quietly, “I’m messed up. I don’t know if I can ever love you back the way you want. I swore off anything to do with love after Johnny passed away. I don’t think I can put myself through this again.”

The weight of his words rests heavy on Jaehyun’s chest and for the hundredth time tonight, he holds back the urge to reach out for Doyoung.

“I told you,” Jaehyun says firmly, “I’ll wait as long as it takes for you. Because I know you feel something for me, whether or not it’s love, and I can’t let that go without a fight.”

Doyoung stares at Jaehyun with sad, watery eyes, and pushes himself up carefully into a seated position with his knees tucked up against his chest. He hates it, it absolutely tears him up to see Doyoung like this, tears staining his cheeks and looking seconds away from closing himself off completely.

“You don’t get it,” Doyoung says harshly, “I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve to be loved again. Please don’t waste your time with me, Jaehyun.”

“What?” Jaehyun says in bewilderment, “Why would you ever say something like that?”

This time, he doesn’t stop himself from reaching out and placing his hands firmly on Doyoung’s knees. Doyoung tenses under his touch but doesn’t try to push him away, however, it does seem to trigger a fresh wave of tears from Doyoung.

“It’s my fault,” he chokes out, “it’s all my fault Johnny’s gone.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jaehyun is quick to rush out, he has a bad feeling about the direction this was going in, “You told me yourself it was a car accident, you couldn’t have done anything to prevent that.”

Doyoung squeezes his eyes shut, “But I was the one who took him away from his soulmate. What if this was the universe’s way of punishing me for thinking I could outrun fate?”

Jaehyun’s heart drops. “ No, no, no ,” he pulls himself closer to Doyoung, “What happened to saying this whole soulmate business was a load of bullshit?”

Doyoung huffs and gently opens his eyes to look at Jaehyun, his gaze trained on his face, but he’s not quite making eye contact.

“Your whole existence proves my point wrong,” he mumbles, “I spent so long trying to convince myself that soulmates were just an exaggerated fairytale, but then you come along and it feels like you’ve opened up my chest, reached in, and taken my heart as if you own it.”

“And the worst part is,” Doyoung’s voice cracks, “I think you do. Own my heart . I didn’t know I could even feel this way.”

His voice low, ashamed almost and Jaehyun is at a loss for words. All this time, he’d been waiting for Doyoung to finally succumb to his feelings and move on from Johnny, thinking it would be easier for him then and not realizing that ignoring his feelings was the very thing preventing Doyoung from falling down a dark spiral of guilt and self-blame. Jaehyun doesn’t know what to do—he doesn’t know what he can do. He wants so desperately for Doyoung to feel better, but he’s afraid the wrong words might make things worse. 

So he doesn’t say anything, he turns off the racing thoughts in his head and follows his gut. He acts quickly, taking his hands off Doyoung’s knees and wrapping his arms around his whole body instead. It’s an awkward position, with Doyoung’s knees stuck in-between their bodies but Jaehyun only holds on tighter, tenderly stroking the soft hair at the base of his neck as he cries into the collar of his shirt.

Jaehyun holds him, tight and secure until he eventually starts to cool down to the point where he’s no longer a sniffling, shaking mess in his arms. He can tell by the way Doyoung tenses and shifts in his hold that he’s waiting for him to pull away. Jaehyun sighs, but ignores the way Doyoung tries to subtly push against his arms to loosen his hold. Doyoung might be ready to let go, but he isn’t.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung says hoarsely, attempting once again to wriggle out of his grasp, “let go.”

Jaehyun sighs and half tempted to whine in opposition, but ultimately decides to release him without a fight, well aware this wasn’t the time or place to be playing around. He sits back, cross-legged, chewing on his lip as he watches Doyoung stretch his legs out with a groan and grabs his phone from under his pillow.

“I should go,” he says, climbing out of the bed and grabbing his jeans off the floor.

“What?” Jaehyun immediately scrambles up, “It’s like 2am. It’s not safe for you to be travelling so late at night.”

Doyoung however, shrugs off the offer, tapping away quickly on his phone, “It’s fine, I called a cab.”

Jaehyun pushes himself off the bed in disbelief, trailing behind Doyoung as he picks up his scattered belongings off the floor. Apart from the red-rimmed eyes and dried tear marks on his cheeks, his expression is even and emotionless. It’s hard to believe the same person was crying his eyes out on his shoulder just a few minutes ago.

“Doyoung, slow down,” Jaehyun says, nearly tripping over a random pile of clothes on the ground as he tries to stop Doyoung from packing up, “at least stay the night. We can continue this conversation in the morning after we’re both properly rested.”

Doyoung ignores him, snatching up his bag from where it’s slung over one of Jaehyun’s chairs. He doesn’t spare Jaehyun a single glance as he makes his way to the doorway. He suddenly pauses in front of his shoes, taking in a deep breath as he tilts his head up slightly with his eyes closed. 

Now that he’s standing still, Jaehyun can see just how dishevelled he is. His hair is sticking out of his head in different directions, the buttons to his shirt are mismatched, and his sweater is on inside out. 

“I think…we should stop seeing each other,” he says after another breath, eyes opening to briefly glance in Jaehyun’s general direction.

Jaehyun gapes at him helplessly, his head spinning as he tries to work out some sort of excuse to stall Doyoung for longer, but before he can get a word out, Doyoung’s already slipping his shoes on and staring at his phone with a tight expression.

“My cab’s here,” he states, before he pulls the door open and quietly slips into the hallway without a backwards glance.

“Damn it,” Jaehyun curses to himself at the sound of the front door clicking shut.

He falls backwards onto his bed, burying his face in his hands. He briefly debates going after Doyoung—he might be able to catch him before he makes it into the cab—but ultimately decides to let it go. At least for tonight. He’s exhausted and he knows Doyoung must be too. Neither of them are in the right headspace to carry this conversation and he’s not looking for any more tears to be shed tonight. 

Jaehyun closes his eyes, already feeling the edges of sleep catch up to him. They’ll talk tomorrow , he promises himself, praying Doyoung will at least be willing to hear him out. He’s not stupid enough to let it end on this note, not when Doyoung is spouting nonsense and thinking those horrible thoughts about himself.

—

Jaehyun waits until evening to set out to Doyoung’s cafe. It’s been an agonizing day of waiting for the hours to tick by, on top of the fitful night of sleep he received, but knows his best bet is to catch Doyoung right at closing, when there are no potential customers to distract him.

He walks up to the front door of the cafe, a process that now feels automatic. He’s probably walked through these doors a hundred times by now. He is anxious to see Doyoung again, his palms are starting to sweat and he takes a few deep breaths to steel himself and remind himself of what he wants to say. 

The door, however, swings upon before he even has a chance to enter the cafe, revealing a stern-faced Jungwoo holding what looks to be a spatula. 

“Out,” he commands, waving the spatula in front of him as he walks forward to back Jaehyun farther away from the entrance.

Jaehyun lets out a huff of disbelief, wondering if he’s somehow misremembered the shift schedule. No, he shakes his head Jungwoo wasn’t supposed to be working tonight.

As if reading his mind Jungwoo starts speaking “Doyoung asked me to close with him tonight. He had a feeling you would show up and wants to let you know that he doesn’t want to see you.”

There’s an air of finality in his tone as he stands determined in front of him, hands on his hips. Jaehyun might have laughed at how childish this whole affair of sending Jungwoo to play the messenger was if he weren’t so busy losing his mind over the unexpected roadblock in his plans. He’s been on edge since last night and all he wants to do is see Doyoung, without having to find a way to maneuver past his stubborn guard dog.

Jaehyun cranes his neck to glance over Jungwoo’s shoulder and into the cafe, hoping that if Doyoung physically sees him, he might have a change of heart, but the cafe sits painfully empty. Doyoung must be hiding away in the back room.

On any other day he would have jumped to argue, would have let Jungwoo chase him around the entire block in an attempt to sneak past him, but right now he can’t bring himself to do anything let out a resigned sigh. He’s tired and the longer Jungwoo stares him down, the more he starts to doubt himself. Maybe he’d shown up too soon. Maybe he should step back and give Doyoung what he wants, at least for a little while.

“Can you,” Jaehyun asks hesitantly, looking up at Jungwoo, “can you pass on a message to him?”

Jungwoo purses his lips as if he’s debating over agreeing to the request. He stays silent. It’s not a yes , but it’s not a no either. Jaehyun sigh, that would have to do.

“Tell him it’s not his fault,” he says carefully, “none of it was his fault and that he deserves a second chance to find love.”

Jungwoo quirks his head at the last word. His stern expression from earlier melts into something a little softer as he catches onto the meaning behind Jaehyun’s message.

Jaehyun takes a deep breath.

“And tell him I love him,” he adds, his voice turning a little shyer, “he already knows, but I just want him to hear it again.”

Jungwoo exhales loudly, looking more and more troubled as he stares at him.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun ends off, not waiting for a reply, “I’m gonna go now.”

He gives him one last nod before casting his head down and turning to walk away.

“Stop,” Jungwoo says suddenly.

It’s quiet and when Jaehyun raises his head in surprise, Jungwoo looks just as shocked as he feels, as if he can’t quite believe he said that out loud. Jungwoo shakes his head, shifting nervously in place, clearly looking conflicted.

“Doyoung will probably kill me for this,” he mutters before tilting his head to look at Jaehyun, “Go ahead. He’s in the back room.”

He slowly steps aside from where he’s blocking the entrance to the cafe and gestures towards the door. Jaehyun stands blinking dumbly at Jungwoo for a moment, too stunned by the abrupt change in behaviour to do anything. He almost wants to believe this is all an elaborate trap and he’s kind of afraid to move.

Jungwoo scoffs loudly, pulling Jaehyun back to reality. “Are you going to go to Doyoung or stand here all day looking like an idiot?” he says sharply, “Hurry up before I change my mind.”

Doyoung , his mind reminds him and all his other thoughts start to melt together in the background. His feet start moving on their own accord and he barely has the time to manage a quick thank you at Jungwoo before he’s crossing the threshold in the cafe and making a beeline to the back.

Jaehyun pauses in front of the back room, hand hovering over the handle as he takes a few breaths to steady himself. He can hear shuffling coming from the other side of the door and he can almost picture Doyoung pacing back and forth across the room, nervously waiting for Jungwoo to return with an all-clear. It’s the thought of his soulmate in distress that finally spurs Jaehyun into action, pushing the handle and cautiously entering the room.

“Jungwoo, is he gone—” Doyoung spins around and freezes, eyes widening at the sight of Jaehyun, “How did you get in here?”

Jaehyun takes a step closer and internally sighs when he sees Doyoung take a step back in response. He can see the way he starts to close himself off, shoulders shrinking and arms crossing over one another in a protective stance. Despite the lack of a warm welcome, a little part inside of him rests easier seeing that he looks alright, at least physically.

“How are you feeling?” Jaehyun asks, trying to sound as casual as he can manage, “I hope you managed to get some sleep after you left.”

Jaehyun kind of wishes he could just wrap Doyoung up in a hug and hold him until everything is better. The way Doyoung is staring back at him with a mixture of what looks like nervousness and longing has Jaehyun thinking his mind is likely in a similar place right now. If only it were that simple.

“Why are you here?” Doyoung asks quietly, avoiding Jaehyun’s question, “I told you I didn’t want to see you anymore.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay after last night. You left in a bit of a rush and I didn’t get a chance to say everything I wanted to say to you.”

Jaehyun takes a few steps closer. Again, Doyoung backs away from him until the back of his calves bump into the edge of the small couch at the end of the back room. With a small sigh, Doyoung decides to sit down. While he doesn’t say anything out loud, Jaehyun takes the slight tilt of his head towards to spot next to him an invitation to sit down as well.

“Doyoung, it wasn’t your fault,” Jaehyun starts, “I need you to know that it doesn’t make any sense to blame or punish yourself for something you had no control over. You loved each other, soulmates or not, and that’s all you need to remember. You couldn’t have known what would happen.”

Doyoung lets out a humourless laugh and shakes his head. Jaehyun can tell he’s trying to ignore his words, “I don’t know why I thought I could mess with fate and—”

“ Fuck fate, ” Jaehyun cuts him off, his tone coming out a little sharper and more frustrated than intended.

Doyoung reels back slightly, head jerking towards Jaehyun in shock. His look of surprise, though, quickly transforms into one more resembling irritation.

“That’s rich coming from you,” Doyoung says harshly, “Did you forget that you're the one who wouldn’t leave me alone because the universe had somehow convinced you I was your so-called fated other half ?”

Doyoung holds his gaze nervously, his leg shaking restlessly from his side of the couch. Jaehyun wants to reach out and place a hand on his knee to calm him down.

“Of course I didn’t forget,” Jaehyun replies calmly, “but whether or not it was fate that brought us together isn’t important because all that matters to me now is you .”

He can see Doyoung roll his eyes, but Jaehyun ignores it and continues, “I don’t know how the universe works and quite frankly I don’t care —because what I do know is how I feel about you. The only thing I know for a fact is that when you’re near me, my heart is at ease and when you smile I feel like I can conquer anything and when you kiss me the rest of the world fades away and it’s just you and me.”

They aren’t sitting very far apart and somewhere over the course of Jaehyun’s little speech, they’ve managed the drift even closer. It’s magnetic, almost. Doyoung’s eyes remain trained on Jaehyun but there’s a glassy quality to them, as if he’s lost in his own head. He’s not even sure he’s registered the lack of distance between them, if anything he leans in further. 

Jaehyun however, is hyperaware of how close they’ve become, so close that he can almost feel Doyoung’s breath on his face, so close that if he just tilted his head in a little more…

Fuck it , he thinks and closes the gap. What better way to get Doyoung to listen than to show him exactly what his words mean?

Doyoung gives in surprisingly easily, practically melting against his lips and hands coming up to thread themselves into his hair. Like every kiss they’ve ever had Jaehyun takes a moment to clear his head and savour the moment, the connection .

“ This ,” Jaehyun gasps out when he pulls them apart to breathe, “is what I mean.”

“ This ,” he says before leaning in for another peck, “is real and tangible.”

Jaehyun steals one more kiss before he separates them again, only to press their foreheads together instead. He rests a hand on the side of Doyoung’s face, softly brushing his cheek, partly in comfort and partly to anchor him to him.

“I love you,” Jaehyun says and compared to the night before, the words come out smooth and sure, “all you need to do is focus on that.”

Doyoung leans into Jaehyun’s touch, his eyes slipping shut. “I’m afraid,” he admits quietly, “I’m afraid...of letting myself go there again. What if I lose you too? What if you finally realize how unloveable and broken I am and you leave me?”

Jaehyun pulls their foreheads apart in order to tilt Doyoung’s head up so they’re looking right at each other. Doyoung’s eyelids flutter open to reveal a set of dark, fearful eyes.

“Oh Doyoung,” he breathes, “I don’t think I could leave you even if I wanted to. It’s not worth sacrificing your own happiness for a couple of what ifs.”

He kisses him again. For emphasis—to remind him—and because he wants to. “Are you sure?” Doyoung whispers cautiously against his lips and were it not for the risk ruining the moment Jaehyun would be tempted to shout at the top of his lungs about how he’s never been more sure of anything in his entire life.

Instead, he settles on something a bit more subtle and lowers his voice to match Doyoung’s, “Like I said, I don’t know a lot of things, but I know that I want to be with you.”

Doyoung sucks in a careful breath, his head bobbing in little nods. He hums once, barely audible, but the brief noise of assent is enough to get Jaehyun’s heart racing. He seems to think it’s not enough though because soon after, he opens his mouth and the softest “ okay ” falls from his lips.

Jaehyun doesn’t even wait for Doyoung to properly close his mouth before he’s throwing himself onto him and snaking his arms around his torso in a way that’s become achingly familiar. He revels in how Doyoung relaxes in his hold, molding against his chest as if he were made to fit there. Doyoung’s arms slide around his neck and he buries his face into the collar of Jaehyun’s shirt. His grip is tight, like he’s unwilling to let go anytime soon, and honestly, neither is Jaehyun.

“I’m sorry,” Doyoung murmurs against his shoulder after a while of doing nothing but holding onto one another, “I know this probably isn’t how you imagined meeting your soulmate would turn out.”

No, Jaehyun thinks, this was nothing like what Jaehyun had expected when he had pictured meeting his soulmate. There were no fireworks in the air, or sunsets to run off into, and they’ve got a long way to go until happily ever after. 

No, this wasn’t at all what he’d expected, this was so much better .