Archive of Our Own

Today was the day. The day that Steven had attempted to erase from his mind numerous times throughout the year, despite the calendar on his phone repeatedly reminding him of the inevitable. The day that he never wanted to come.

The day that Connie left for college.

It was going to be a good day - except it wasn’t. Steven hadn’t been able to sleep the whole night, sat up overthinking things within his mind. Yet now he was sat in his car, driving with Connie across the state so that she could finally start her new life as a college student.

The past year had surprisingly been one of the best years of his life. After suffering from his breakdown, turning into a monster, terrorising the whole town and scaring the life out of his family, he had spent the past year working on himself. With a therapist who he saw regularly and an abundance of support from his family, he was doing a million times better.

It was just...Connie. How was he going to react to Connie finally leaving?

He didn’t want Connie to leave.

There wasn’t anything for him to worry about, there was nothing stopping him from hopping inside of his car and making his way over to the college every now and then. Of course, he didn’t want to overwhelm her - but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t ever visit. Connie had repeatedly spoken about Steven visiting, even for the weekend. They had even looked at what activities they could do together in the area. At least, she had mentioned it in the beginning.

It wasn’t that Steven relied on Connie for her support, but she was certainly a large part of the system he had put in place to help his mental health. Connie was always there for him no matter what. He felt guilty that he relied on Connie a lot, with everything that was going on with college preparation it wasn’t as if he wanted to bother her. He wanted her to succeed and he didn’t want his own mental health to get in the way of what she wanted. Steven knew that his own problems could take a toll on others and overloading all his emotions onto his family wasn’t productive.

Steven used his therapist to speak about all the issues he had that he couldn’t speak about with his family. All of the things that twisted inside of his mind that he didn’t want them to know about. For the most part, he didn’t want them to worry about what he sometimes felt within his mind. Even Steven was scared of the things that he could feel and that wasn’t the kind of information he wanted to hurt his family with.

That being said, the past year was a breath of fresh air. The first year where he finally wanted to try and be somewhat human despite the cascading world of the Gems persistently falling around him. He had originally planned on taking a road trip out of state and seeing what the world had to offer, instead, he had decided that he should have left the travelling for the years in which Connie was in college. At least then he could have gone back and seen her whenever he pleased. Not only that but with Connie completely focused on her college work it meant that she would have probably had very little time for Steven.

That would have worked out, right?

It had been just under a year since Connie had confirmed that he was her boyfriend.

To hear them words filled Steven’s heart to the brim with love. Of course, they had always been incredibly close - but never had they considered themselves a couple. Despite that, Steven still thought that proposing would have been a good idea. Steven still felt like an idiot about it, but it had gotten to a stage where they could both make light jokes about what had happened. However, even lighthearted jokes about the event made Steven’s heart strain. He had poured everything into that proposal and was ripped into shreds when the answer was no.

Of course, it was ‘not now’ rather than a ‘no’, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. It was certainly a no for the time being, but despite that Connie still wanted to be with him whenever she could.

After Steven’s breakdown, they had spent a lot of time together. Connie had felt somewhat guilty about ignoring her friend’s problems to focus on studying. This was something she should not have concerned herself with, she was well within her right to be focused on her future.

For a while, Steven felt more like a burden than anything else. He mostly just wanted people he could be around and Connie was one of the only people he could stomach the company of for longer than half an hour without wanting to bury himself in a hole. Everyone else had something to say, but Connie was fine with just...sitting in silence. Sometimes it wasn’t about what anyone said, it was mostly about just being there.

Connie would study for hours whilst visiting Steven, sitting up at a desk with her head in a book whilst Steven sat on the floor playing video games. It wasn’t about having to speak to each other. It was about being within each other’s presence. It made Steven feel a little less alone and that was all that mattered.

Although, it wasn’t all about Steven. Connie enjoyed studying within his presence and even got Steven on board with helping her out by quizzing her on subjects that Steven himself couldn’t quite grasp the concept of. Steven didn’t mind, for the most part, Connie had already written the answers on the colourful pieces of card that Steven used to test her. He enjoyed being a part of Connie’s world considering for the whole time that they had known each other Connie had always been so invested in the things that were important to Steven.

They had been taking things slow since Steven’s meltdown and Connie wanted to do absolutely everything in her power to support him. Their relationship had gone from the occasional peck on the cheek to spending all night cuddled up together, staring at the ceiling and talking about all their fears and aspirations.

Was that something that best friends did? Or was that something that people in a romantic relationship did? The two of them had a complex relationship that couldn’t have quite been matched with a relevant label.

Steven knew how much he loved Connie and he was certain that she loved him the same. The problem was with both of them was that they were both too shy to admit it. Why would they have to say the words if they already showed their love through their actions? They were best friends and they could tell each other everything, but to tell one another how much they loved each other? That was completely different.

They often shared the words with each other in jest. The occasional ‘I love you’ had slipped from both Connie and Steven’s lips several times. Neither of them read into it much other than it being correlated to their mutual love for the other. They were best friends. Jam buds. Why wouldn’t they love each other?

You should love your friends.

The kind of love they felt wasn’t just platonic, but telling that to the other person wasn’t something that either of them wanted to admit first. Despite this thin line, Steven had still taken it upon himself to propose, without ever saying the three words that once haunted him.

Was it even okay to assume these things? Were they dating? Steven didn’t want to ask, he had already messed up with the proposal that it was probably best for him to keep quiet. There was no need to put further pressure on Connie - that just wasn’t fair.

Although, despite Steven’s month of attempted recovery after his breakdown he spent a lot of his time wondering the status of his relationship with Connie. He often found himself ignoring the video games he was playing to stare up at her sitting at the desk scribbling frantically. She was so dedicated to her work and Steven couldn’t help but admire the effort that she put in.

Connie had been the one to be there for him after everything had happened. Was she there out of sheer guilt? He had already messed things up so badly after the proposal that he was sure she was just there to pity him. After such a dreadful event, he didn’t think he would ever have a shot again.

In his mind, he wondered if Connie was secretly desperate to move away to college. It was the only way that she would have been able to escape from Steven and all of the things that he had dragged her into. She would have had a completely fresh start with normal human beings. There wouldn’t have been anything magic about college, the only magic would have been the disappearing act that Steven was convinced that Connie would pull as soon as she was there.

Why would Connie need to keep in contact with Steven when she left? There was no need.

No, there was a need - he was her boyfriend. He had to be there for her just as much as she was there for him. It didn’t matter how far away she was, they were still in a relationship and that was important! At least, it was important to Steven.

The first time that Connie had called Steven her boyfriend he had melted on the spot. A conversation that Connie was having on the phone with one of her friend’s from cram school whilst sat in Steven’s bedroom. They were discussing the work that they had together that needed to be completed by the following Monday.

Steven was sat at the foot of his bed, lazily playing video games as he lost his mind within the fictional world. He didn’t quite have much else to do when Connie was sat around studying unless she had asked him to help her study then he tried doing activities that meant he would be quiet in her presence. At first, Connie had recommended an abundance of books for him to read but was quick to realise that Steven couldn’t read a single page without wanting to ask her questions and opinions on the characters. Reading was reserved for when Connie wasn’t around and he mentally compiled a list of questions to ask when they were next together.

Steven listened contently to the conversation that Connie was having on the phone. He didn’t want to listen in, it wasn’t his place, but with Connie’s voice being the most prominent noise in the room it was hard to focus on anything else.

“Oh, not much. I’m just studying at my boyfriend’s house. How about you?” The words slipped from Connie’s lips as she spoke so casually on the phone.

Steven’s ears pricked up at the word. Boyfriend. Connie had just called him her boyfriend!

Steven dropped the controller in his lap and looked up at Connie with wide eyes. Of course, she was still on the phone doodling squares in the corner of her page - not even realising the words that she had spoken. The words that had slipped so casually in her conversation held such weight in Steven’s mind.

Connie laughed at her friend’s crude response, little did Steven know the response was about him.

“Stop it! I’m doing plenty of studying! We’re just...hanging out...” Connie chuckled before turning in her chair to see what her counterpart was up to. Steven was staring up at her with his lips slightly ajar and his cheeks blushing a deep shade of red.

What had she said? Why was he looking at her that way? She hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary.

A small smile crept up Steven’s face, he couldn’t quite help himself.

“Alright, I’ll speak to you soon. Bye!” Connie spoke softly before removing the phone away from her ear and hanging up. She looked at Steven and snorted slightly with a wide smile at the face he was pulling. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Steven was adorable. No, he was handsome. His kind eyes, sweet smile, loving nature, his uncontrollable fluffy hair - she loved his hair. Steven was everything that anyone could ever want. Steven was everything that Connie ever needed and boy did she love him.

“You called me your boyfriend!” Steven gleamed up at Connie like a child.

“I mean...you are my boyfriend - right?” Connie anxiously glanced to the side. Oh no, what if she had misread everything? Surely not! There was no way that she had gotten it wrong about them. How could he have possibly thought that they were just friends after he proposed to her!

“Yeah! Well, as long as that’s what you want. I would love it if you were my...girlfriend.” Steven blushed at the words, nervously scratching the back of his neck as he narrowly avoided eye contact.

“I may have to think about it…” Connie teased as she jokingly stroked her chin.

“Wha-”

“Of course I want to be your girlfriend, Steven!” Connie giggled, not quite believing that she had finally said what had been on her mind for a long time. Something that she had wanted to confirm with Steven, even back when she had left for Space Camp.

“You do?” Steven was surprisingly in shock. It was something that he wanted to hear for a long time. Something that he wanted to set straight with her for what seemed like forever, but had never been given the chance.

He was glad that Connie had managed to slip up on her words when on the phone to her friend, allowing them to have a much-needed conversation that both of them craved the desire to have for such a long time. They needed to have the conversation, there was no use in sitting in a limbo that caused them both an unprecedented amount of anxiety. There was no need for that.

Connie smiled as she placed her phone on the desk and stood up. Steven watched as she stepped forward before positioning herself on the floor beside him at the foot of his bed. Steven couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Connie shuffled towards him with her legs crossed before gently placing her hand on the side of his face. She used her thumb to caress his cheek, somewhat rough where the patchy stubble he had to shave was starting to appear once again.

Steven looked up at her shining eyes and her glowing smile.

“I do. I do want to be your girlfriend.” Connie continued to stroke the side of his face as she spoke softly.

Steven reached up, gently placing his own hand on the top of the hand she was using to be close to him. After everything that had happened between the pair, the words that she spoke sounded so genuine.

Steven had been battling with therapy so hard and his entire family had become incredibly proud of everything that he had achieved. Connie had always been there to support him and for her to finally say the words - suddenly a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Sure, he spoke to his therapist about Connie, but not about how much he craved Connie’s affection. Steven didn’t want to sound like a creep, he didn’t want to sound obsessive. He did, however, want Connie to love him just as much as he loved her.

She did.

“Wow…” Steven was nearly speechless. Little did Steven know that for months prior to the moment on the phonecall Connie had already been referring to him as her boyfriend when around her friends.

They weren’t the kind of people who relied on labels to define who they were or what story their relationship told. They were so much more than that. If there was a word to describe the two of them, it would have been ‘soulmate’.

“Is that...okay?”

“Yes! Yes, a thousand times! A million times! A gazillion times!” Steven grinned widely as he threw his hands in the air, eventually allowing them to fall to Connie’s hands - he immediately gripped onto them both.

“Okay! I’ve never had a boyfriend before.” Connie chuckled nervously, allowing her hand to slip from Steven’s for just a second so she could tuck a loose bit of her hair behind her ear. She desperately wanted to inform him that gazillion wasn’t a real number, but she allowed him to have his moment - it was sweet.

Just as she rejoined hands with Steven, the loose section of hair fell once more. Before Connie could reach up again, Steven had already tucked it back behind her ear without prompt.

“I’ve never had a girlfriend before.” Steven smiled shyly as he rejoined his hands with Connie’s once again.

Of course, neither of them had been in this position before, they had only ever had the opportunity to love each other. There had never been anyone else in the picture. That sweet childhood love that neither of them could replace with anything else.

Steven had never been one to get jealous when it came to Connie. He didn’t ever want to see possessive, Connie was free to do whatever she pleased and it would have never been down to Steven to decide that. However, there was something about the idea of Connie going off to college that irked him. The idea that Connie could have gone to college and...forgotten about him.

Was Connie going to forget about Steven as soon as she made new friends? Was she going to find someone else she could find this unbreakable love with?

Only time could tell. All Steven knew was he was terrified of being left alone. He was terrified of being alone.

After having the opportunity to define their relationship, Steven felt a lot better about everything. He was already incredibly excited about being able to spend another year of his time with Connie, between her studying every other second of the day. However, now he was able to spend the last year of Connie being at home with Connie being his girlfriend.

Steven got to be a boyfriend! He had never been so excited.

Along with working on himself in therapy - he spent a lot of his time with Connie. Connie made sure that her studying didn’t completely get in the way of her relationship, she knew that she wanted some kind of life outside of college prep and the life that she had chosen had mostly revolved around spending time with Steven.

This meant spending time with one another as girlfriend and boyfriend. The words still gave Steven butterflies, even after a year of their relationship.

They were incredibly close to one another and it seemed as if every moment they spent together after they had confirmed the labels, they spent in the honeymoon stage. A stage in which nothing could go wrong between either of them. A bond that unlike their childhood bond, was strangely different. It was a new kind of bond.

The kind of bond that people saw in the movies. The kind of bond where they had both decided that being teenagers was all they wanted to do with their time.

It became apparent that Steven was no longer afraid to hide the fact that when Connie came around to study that he didn’t want her to leave. Connie’s mother had become somewhat convinced that when she went to Steven’s, studying wasn’t all that she was doing and insisted she saw all of the new work that she had done whilst she was there.

Of course, Steven didn’t want her to get into trouble and often just continued to sit and play his video games until Connie was ready to hang out. Hanging out mostly consisted of taking walks, talking to one another about life, watching movies or television, eating or...kissing.

It had all started after one evening the kiss that they had shared wasn’t quite the same as the pecks on the cheek that Connie had given him in the past. They certainly weren’t like the short kisses they shared on the lips either…

This was different.

This was so much better and neither of them could quite handle the rush of dopamine that shot through them whenever they kissed.

“I’m not going to be able to come over until next week.” Connie sighed as she began to pack her books back into the rucksack that was slouching on the chair in Steven’s bedroom that she had essentially claimed as her own through sitting there nearly every day to study.

“Aw, how come?” Steven pouted slightly, he had been looking forward to Connie going over that week. In fact, he always looked forward to Connie going over to see him.

However, despite that, it wasn’t as if Connie went to Steven’s every single day of the week. It was mostly every other day, or every couple of days depending on what sort of workload that Connie had to contend with.

“I have an exam and I really need to concentrate on it. It’s a pretty important one.” Connie explained as she zipped up the bag and threw it over her shoulder before turning to face Steven.

As much as Steven wanted to question why Connie couldn’t have just studied at his house, he knew that she needed her own space. He didn’t want to become reliant on Connie’s presence, even if he already had. It was hard knowing that after seeing her so much that in just a half a year she would have been going away for college. He would have been able to see her nowhere near as much as he was currently. Admittedly, he knew he was going to struggle tremendously with her leaving. Steven had already become far too attached and used to her being around.

It was going to be a problem...

Perhaps seeing her so often was a bad thing. Was it just leading him to believe everything was perfect only to have that completely ripped away from him once she left? Steven didn’t want to think about it - they still had plenty of time together!

The clock was ticking.

“Oh.” Steven desperately wanted to ask her a string of questions. Why couldn’t she have studied for the test at his house? Why did she have to go away for so long? Couldn’t they have spent more time together? Why did she have to leave so soon?

He stayed silent, as much as the questions bounced around his mind he didn’t want to pressure Connie. Connie’s education was important to her and that meant it was also important to Steven. It wasn’t all about Steven. He didn’t want to come across as selfish, he wanted the best for her.

“But, once I ace the exam then maybe we could go and celebrate the weekend after?” Connie smiled at Steven who was stood awkwardly pushing his index fingers together. Connie was good at pushing through the nerves she faced for exams, she had always come across as cool, calm and collected. The reality was she was screaming on the inside, completely engulfed in fear that she may not have passed the exam.

As much as she wanted to spend the time with Steven, she had to concentrate on her studies. Most of the work that she did whilst at Steven’s were things that she could half-concentrate on. Things that she already knew for the most part, but just needed a refresher or easy assignments that she could complete in a few hours whilst in Steven’s presence.

Steven had become so much more...distracting after cementing her feelings for him not too long ago. Her mind had suddenly gone from seeing him as her sweet childhood best friend to a handsome young man who somehow gave her butterflies. Why would Steven give her butterflies?

As a child, she couldn’t quite tell if the feelings she had for Steven were ones of deep love or deep admiration for the cool lifestyle that he led. Now, after coming to terms with the labels that they had given themselves, it was clear exactly what she thought of Steven Universe.

“Can we try that new ice cream place in town? I heard they have over one hundred different flavours!” Steven smiled excitedly, attempting to give himself something to look forward to.

“One hundred? Do you even need that many flavours of ice cream?” Connie cocked an eyebrow.

“Probably not...but it’s ice cream! It would be considered a crime to have any less.” Steven waggled his finger as Connie chuckled lightly. He sure did love it when they could laugh together, a skill that they had practised since they were kids.

Connie brushed her hair away from her face before holding the straps of her rucksack. There was a silence between them, the kind of silence that had some kind of anticipation built up to it. The kind of silence that could have a led into just about anything. Instead, Connie checked behind her on the desk to make sure that she hadn’t left any books behind.

As much as Connie wanted a reason for her to drop by and see Steven, leaving a book behind on purpose wouldn’t have been productive. She couldn’t let teenage love get in the way of the future that she had poured so much into.

Connie stepped over to Steven and wrapped her arms tightly around him, leaning into his chest enough for Steven to place his chin on the top of her head. Steven could smell her strong perfume as she got close to him, he loved the smell, the vanilla aroma was something he had instantly linked to her.

“Are you going to be able to call?” Steven questioned, trying his hardest not to sound desperate when it came to their need for interaction, he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with her.

“Of course, I’ll call you on my breaks.” Connie closed her eyes as she listened to Steven’s heartbeat. It wasn’t as calm as it usually was when they watched movies together and she laid on his chest. Instead, Steven’s heartbeat was fast and erratic.

Was he nervous?

Steven was always nervous.

“I’ll miss you....” Steven mumbled, accidentally allowing his vacant thoughts to slip through his lips. Why did he have to say something so weird? They were going to be away from one another for a week!

Connie couldn’t help but chuckle as she lifted her head, gently placing her hand on his chest and looking directly into his eyes. Connie’s heart skipped a beat as she noticed the way in which Steven looked at her. She could have gotten lost in his eyes and most days...she did.

“Steven, it’s a week. I promise I won’t be far.” Connie gave Steven a soft smile, continuing to stand incredibly close to him as he gently coaxed her closer with his hands resting innocently above her hips.

It was for one week and she was only going to be at her house, it wasn’t going to be far. Except, one day it wouldn’t have just been a week and it would have been miles away. She was going to pack up for college and leave. That certainly wasn’t going to be for a single week, that was going to be years! If Steven struggled with the idea of abandonment for a week, then he dreaded to think what being away from Connie for years could have felt like. It would have been enough to crush him.

With Connie so close to him he wanted nothing more than to be suave enough to allow a flirtatious comment to formulate within his mind. He couldn’t think of anything to say that wasn’t going to make him sound like an idiot.

“A week is a pretty long time to wait for ice cream...” Steven sighed heavily with a slight smirk forming at the edge of his lips.

“Worth the wait though, right?” Connie reached up and gently ran her fingers against his cheek, a sweet desire for them to be closer. Connie didn’t want to have to leave, but she knew that waiting to see Steven would have been much more rewarding than seeing him every day. Sometimes it was the waiting that made things exciting.

“Definitely...” Steven smiled, his tone suddenly becoming lazy as he was unable to look at anything other than Connie’s dilated pupils. It was clear neither of them wanted anything other than to be in that moment. Connie could have left moments ago, but instead, she chose to stay close to Steven.

This was their cue. With their longing stares, it was hard to deny that they weren’t thinking about the exact same thing. They wanted to kiss. They wanted to bring themselves closer to each other - one last time before they didn’t get to see one another for a week.

It wasn’t as if they hadn’t kissed before. They had. Plenty of times.

A lot of the time it was mostly Connie giving Steven a quick peck on the cheek before leaving or Steven lightly kissing the top of Connie’s forehead when they laid together. A small sign of love that showed they both cared deeply about each other. Not only that, but they had occasionally found themselves on one another’s lips - even if just for a split second.

This time was different. This time neither of them quite knew who wanted to lean in for the kiss first, both just as nervous as each other. They were true equals when it came to most things and kissing was certainly something that both of them still got flustered about.

They both leant in at the same time, Connie’s hand still perfectly sat at the side of Steven’s face. Unlike every other time, they didn’t pull away upon contact with one another. This time, the kiss lingered, neither of them quite wanting to let go and yet not quite knowing what to do next.

Connie didn’t quite want the kiss to end but also didn’t want to keep them together long enough for it to become awkward. Connie pressed her lips together in a thin line and gently bit the inside of her mouth with a smile. Their lips were still brushed together, despite ending the kiss a little too soon.

Steven had lost himself in the kiss, he wasn’t quite ready for her to leave just yet. They had always been pretty good at communicating with one another, but this time Steven knew that he didn’t quite need to use his words to get across his point. Instead, he found the confidence within himself to go in for yet another kiss.

Connie’s eyes widened at the contact, not quite expecting it so soon. She was quick to shut her eyes and continue to fall head over heels for the boy who made her feel so special. This time, Connie noticed that Steven had pressed a little harder with his kiss. Not so much enough to incite discomfort, but enough for her to notice the gesture.

Steven gently raised a hand away from Connie’s hip, slowly bringing it up to her face to match the way that his own cheek sat so comfortably in her grip.

A kiss. Another. Another one after that.

Neither of them could speak, too caught up in the moment of love and desire that they once only believed happened in all of the cheesy teen romance films. It felt like only a few weeks ago they were aptly making fun of the kissing scene in the PG-13 book adaptation of Unfamiliar Familiar and yet there they both were - recreating the scene in which Lisa and Archimicarus kiss so passionately.

For the first time in their relationship, they had felt something for one another that their innocence had once blinded them from. A flush of teenage hormones had caused them to not only feel the love that they had shared since they were kids but instead a hint of lust. It wasn’t just about holding hands anymore - they wanted to be closer.

Steven didn’t want to overwhelm Connie and a deep fear within him already thought about how he may have crossed some boundaries with the kiss. The kisses. The intense desire to continue to press his lips against hers, the intense desire to want to allow their tongues to meet once more. He knew he had to pull away.

Steven gently let go of the kiss, continuing to hold onto Connie as their foreheads fell to one another as a way to keep together. Steven let out a shaky breath escape from his lips along with a small snigger - had they just made out for the first time? Was that their first kiss?

“Steven…” Connie sighed, unable to quite formulate the correct words as she melted right where she was standing. How was she supposed to leave after that? How was she supposed to stop herself from crashing her lips back against his?

Anything to feel that way again.

Steven slowly let their foreheads separate, the only way in which they could finally see each other after they had fallen so far into the moment. Steven watched as Connie opened her eyes, staring directly at him with the most beautiful gaze. If Steven could have stayed right then and there for the rest of his life, he knew he wouldn’t have any issues ever again when it came to his traumatising past. When it came to the things that haunted him.

Steven let his hand slip to the bottom of her chin before planting yet another soft kiss against her lips, this time letting go after a single second. Connie hoped that with her hand on his face he couldn’t feel her shaking, being in Steven’s presence had always calmed her and yet at that moment she was so overwhelmed with emotion that they had made each other nervous.

Connie had found herself completely smitten at the sight of him, the way that he held her. The way that he kissed her softly. The way that they had mimicked her movements. The way that they had kissed naturally. She had always loved him, but she had never quite looked at him the way that she had looked at him after that kiss ever before. He wasn’t quite the boy that her former self had fallen for within her childhood, instead, he was a handsome young man who was starting to make her knees somewhat shaky with his touch.

“You’re so beautiful.” Steven smiled before turning his head and kissing the palm of her shaking hand that was balanced on the side of his face. His whole body overtaken by some unsung confidence that the kiss had given him.

Connie was speechless. Steven’s confidence began to slip with her silence. Was it a good or bad thing that she was speechless? Was she ever going to speak to him ever again? Did he do the wrong thing? Maybe he shouldn’t have kissed her like that...maybe they weren’t at that stage of their relationship yet. After all, they had only just given themselves a label.

This was just like the proposal. He had read the room completely wrong. Why did he always have to mess up like this?

“I...um...I’m sorry. That was stupid, I didn’t mean to-” Steven began to mumble, upset that his mind had suddenly been overtaken by bad thoughts in such a perfect moment. Why did his mind have to abuse him this way?

Just as Steven was about to raise his palm to his head in frustration and embarrassment, Connie reached up to stop him.

“A week is a long time, isn’t it?” Connie smiled, sympathy in her tone. After that kiss, she wasn’t quite sure if she would have been able to go a week without seeing him. Forget about exams - Steven Universe was all that was on her mind.

“Yeah…” Steven smiled back. Connie noticed the slight glaze in his eyes where they had started to well from an overwhelming amount of emotions.

“Maybe we could get ice cream and then...do that again?” Connie looked away as she spoke, somewhat nervous about asking about the kiss. She wanted them to kiss again - especially with the same passion and love that came from the kiss that they had just experienced together.

Steven’s cheeks lit up with a shade of red. Was she suggesting that she wanted to kiss him again? Steven could wait a week if it meant they got to kiss like that once more.

“Only if you want to…” Connie continued, Steven’s silence making her anxious about the question.

“Yes!” Steven spoke quickly. Yes, he wanted to kiss again! He knew exactly what she was going to say.

Connie giggled at his response, his cheeks flushed with red. She gripped onto either side of her rucksack and smiled - she really did have to go! Her parents were coming to pick her up and she couldn’t be late.

“I’ll see you next week, Steven.” Connie kissed Steven on the cheek before quickly scurrying away from the situation, her own cheeks now a shade of red. Connie grinned happily as she practically ran down the stairs from Steven’s bedroom, gripping tightly onto the straps of her rucksack. She had never felt quite so anxious and happy in her whole life.

Steven stood in the middle of his bedroom - he was unable to move. His hands hovered above his cheek in the place where Connie had last kissed him. The slight breeze from the ajar door at the back of his bedroom touching upon where the kiss had been planted.

After the kiss that one afternoon, Steven and Connie had discovered that kissing had become a slight novelty for them both. Something that after that moment no longer made them as nervous as it used to. In fact, it was hard to find a day that they met up that didn’t end with them making out with each other.

There was a desperate need for them both to be closer and kissing felt like something that they could both use as a form of communication when they didn’t want to use their words.

Unfortunately, everyone around them had also become acutely aware of the new hobby that they shared. Just like most teenagers, they had both taken to discover more about themselves through each other. The idea of making out was fun and exciting - a different kind of fun and exciting from fighting evil Gems in space.

Steven loved it. The opportunity to be a teenage boy. The opportunity to sneak around and make it some kind of game to avoid the two of them getting caught. The issue was - they weren’t very good at being subtle about their affection.

Dr Priyanka Mahaeswaran was particularly offended by Connie’s infatuation with the Universe boy that she had pretty much banned him from visiting the household at all. Although she was lucky enough to never witness their affection, she had already put a ban on Steven entering Connie’s room or visiting the house when neither she nor her husband was present. If she ever found out Steven was in the house when neither of them was home then Connie would have faced grave consequences.

Much to Dr Mahaeswaran’s distaste, Connie spent a lot of time with Steven outside of their household where they couldn’t be penalised for privately showing affection. The backseat of Steven’s Dondai had become a prime location in which they spent a lot of time together. A place where nobody else could judge them for their long chats or hours they spent kissing.

There had been a time in which the Gems had warped back to the temple early only to find the two teenagers kissing passionately on the couch. Of course, Steven was horrified and instantly vowed to never kiss Connie on the couch ever again. He hadn't quite expected them to be back so soon.

Pearl was incredibly upset, claiming that they were too young to be participating in ‘disgusting sexual behaviour’. Amethyst thought it was hilarious and knew exactly what she would be using as a punchline to all her jokes about Steven following that day. And well, Garnet...Garnet thought it was hilarious!

Unfortunately for Steven, his behaviour had ended up with him sat inside the back of his dad’s van with his head buried in his hands as Greg gave a sex education lesson that he really didn’t want to hear. If only Pearl had kept her mouth quiet then he never would have had to sit through what became the most awkward conversation of his life.

They weren’t even having sex! Yet everyone seemed to want to assume exactly what was happening between them.

Of course, Steven loved being close to Connie and they certainly loved kissing each other - but they weren’t even close to participating in something so intimate. It was something they both knew that they wanted...eventually, but both of them were incredibly shy about speaking on the subject.

Despite communication being the thing that always seemed to bring them closer - they didn’t want to speak about...sex. They were more than happy to continue to show their intimacy through long passionate kisses and the occasional hand placement in places that they each thought only they would touch.

However, as the date in which Connie would be leaving for college edged closer they began to kiss less and less. Connie needed to focus on her studies and he respected that beyond belief. He wanted her to succeed more than anything and he didn’t want to distract her from what was most important.

Connie didn’t go to Steven’s to study anymore, instead, she stayed at home and occasionally called him. Steven didn’t think too much into it, they had nearly spent a whole year hanging out together - calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend as they proudly walked everywhere with their hands linked.

Did Steven do something wrong to deserve the lack of her attention? He didn’t. It wasn’t about him anymore, it was all about Connie and her education. He always wondered if perhaps Dr Mahaeswaran had said something about their relationship that scared Connie into wanting to speak to him less. That was just speculation to make him feel better about the whole thing.

Why did they suddenly go from being so close to barely seeing each other once a week?

Steven felt empty without her presence, no longer feeling that same love he felt when she would sit on his lap in the back of the Dondai wearing his pink varsity jacket with her arms wrapped neatly around the back of his neck, the sleeves slightly too long for her. The way that she would look at him before they kissed. The way that she would love him.

Today was the day.

The day in which Connie left for college.

The day that he had been trying so desperately hard not to count down to, the number constantly ticking downwards within his mind.

The day he had already agreed to drive Connie over to the college.

The day he was sure he would lose his best friend.

Connie had spent the whole drive overexcited, telling him all about the activities that she was going to participate in when on campus. She spoke about how she had already been in contact with some of her future classmates and was sure she was going to make lots of friends. She spoke about the experiences that she looked forward to having, ones that were reminiscent of the teenage films that they had spent a summer watching. She spoke about the work she would have to put in and the dreams that hoped to achieve. She spoke about getting away from Beach City and finally feeling...free.

Steven tried not to speak through her excitement, listening contently to everything that she had to say. He was incredibly happy that she was happy and that was all that he wanted for her.

Her parents had followed them up in the car to help Connie settle into her new dorm room, making acquaintances with all of the people she would be staying with. Connie’s parents didn’t want to stay too long, after years of being somewhat smothering, Connie had already had a conversation with them about using college as a way of seeking out her own independence. With a lot of arguing, or as they would like to call it a discussion, they came to an agreement that they would allow Connie to find that independence for herself without butting in too much. Connie respected them more than anything after that moment.

Despite Connie’s parents leaving early, Steven spent the day with Connie helping her unpack and settle into the small room that she had chosen to stay in for the next couple of years. Steven found the whole concept exciting, despite it being something that he probably wouldn’t have ever been able to experience for himself.

Connie led Steven to the communal areas of the dorm in which they met a few of the people that Connie would have been staying with. As per usual, Steven tried his hardest to stay silent throughout their interactions. This wasn’t about him - it was about Connie. Besides, he had met some of her friends in the past and he knew that keeping silent was the best option. He didn’t want them to think that Connie was weird for being with someone like...him.

“Steven and Connie? Are you two…” The girl with short spikey hair sat on the opposite couch placed her index fingers together as a way to gesture a relationship of some kind. Steven had only met these people a few hours ago, but he was already enjoying being in their presence despite keeping his mouth shut.

They had been going around in a circle and introducing themselves to one another, getting to know the people that they would be spending the year with.

“Steven’s my best friend! We grew up together back home.” Connie smiled, gently holding her hand against Steven’s for a split second before pulling away.

Best friend.

Best friend?

Why didn’t she say that he was her boyfriend? Although being her best friend was true, he was sure that boyfriend would have outranked that title.

It was hard to cover up the fact that his facial expression had dropped dramatically. Everyone in the room had noticed how hard the young man had been hit by the words - except Connie who continued to smile and joke along with all of her new friends.

Steven felt sick. Had she been pulling away from him this whole time to finally leave him when they went to college? She had always been so sure about calling him her boyfriend and yet suddenly that was out of the equation?

Steven felt bad. He didn’t want to seem possessive or mad about any of it. It had never been like that between the two of them. He had thought a lot about Connie leaving him when she went to college, but he had never thought that could have been a reality. It only played through his mind as an illogical anxious thought and yet there he was with the possibility that his fears could have been turning into reality.

Was this why despite the time that they had spent so close together that she was trying her hardest to break apart from him? A way of letting him down gently?

Steven couldn’t be in the room with everyone staring at him, or at least it felt as if everyone was staring at him. They had certainly noticed his pained expression when Connie had called him her best friend. There was certainly some history between them and everyone was excited to hear the drama that would probably result in some unfound rumours about Connie on her first day at college.

Steven clenched his fists and exited the room, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. He didn’t even think his heart could handle Connie looking at him. Not after a whole day of her ignoring the fact that he...existed. Perhaps it wasn’t her intention, but it certainly felt like it. Despite that, Steven was terrified about mentioning it - he didn’t want to make it seem as if the whole day was about him. It wasn’t about him in the slightest. This was Connie’s day and he couldn’t just sit back and become an impassive viewer.

Little did Steven know that Connie had also exited the room to follow after him. Steven didn’t quite know where he was going, all he knew was that he didn’t want to be inside of the room. He was recovering well from his breakdown he had last year, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have flare-ups. He had to break himself from the situation before he got too emotionally attached and hurt by Connie’s words and actions. His heart ached at his own thoughts.

“Steven, wait!” Connie shouted from the opposite end of the corridor.

Steven stopped dead in his tracks, clenching his fists tight enough his knuckles turned white, his nails digging deep into the palm of his hands.

“Where are you going? Are you okay?” Connie stepped towards Steven, gently resting her hand on Steven’s shoulder. Steven shuddered at the touch, making Connie remove her hand quickly.

Once a touch that he would have welcomed and yet at that moment all he could think about was how much that touched pained him. The fears he had spent so long trying to ignore were finally coming true. He couldn’t quite see through the pain.

“Are you embarrassed of me?” Steven mumbled, unable to face Connie as he made sure his back shunned her away.

“No, Steven! Why would you think something like that?” Connie grew defensive, she knew that the best thing to do when Steven grew into a mood was to stand up to his feelings. Question his illogical thoughts to make him see sense.

“You didn’t call me your boyfriend in front of your new friends.” As Steven spoke the words he realised just how childish they sounded. He sounded like an idiot. An idiot who had been hurt by something so trivial and yet he couldn’t quite stop thinking about it.

“Really? Is that...is that why you’re upset?” Connie furrowed her eyebrows, she never wanted to grow frustrated with Steven, but sometimes she just couldn’t help herself. The way that Steven reacted to such trivial things in such a childish manner was something that continued to frustrate her. She had been kind in the past, it was obvious it was something that he couldn’t quite help.

Steven was suffocating. Mostly in a good way, but the way that he relied on Connie was exhausting. Connie tried her hardest to be there for Steven no matter what, but a lot of the time she ignored her own mental health and wellbeing.

She loved Steven more than anything which had made everything a lot more complicated than she had hoped. It wasn’t just the case of having a break, it was the case of trying to distance herself for her own wellbeing. For Steven’s wellbeing.

Would he have been able to cope when she was so focused on college? How was he going to cope when she was no longer there to be with him in Beach City? Halfway through the year, she had realised the deep hole that she had dug out for them both. A conflicted feeling of loving him too much that it had started to hurt.

She didn’t want them to break up, she loved him so much. Distancing herself from him had been the hardest thing that she had ever had to do. All she wanted was to kiss him and allow him to make her feel special. Doing so would have only hurt him more and she was so scared that her actions would have consequences, no matter how she got the message across.

Connie didn’t want to lead Steven onto believing that they would continue to see one another every single day. She wanted the distance so he understood that they couldn’t be together every second of the day. It was something she wanted to do as a way to help him - she never wanted to hurt him. Especially not this way.

“I know you’ve been avoiding me. Have I done something wrong?” Steven turned around, tears starting to well in his eyes from both sadness and anger.

“No! I just…”

“One moment we’re together every day and the next we only call once a week? I’m sorry, Connie. I’m struggling to understand what I did so wrong that made you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you!”

“So then why do I feel so bad?” Steven tapped his chest, audibly and visibly upset by Connie’s actions.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Connie stepped towards Steven and gently placed her arms around him. Steven couldn’t move, frozen in the moment and ultimately trapped by Connie’s grip. Connie rested her head in the crook of his neck and tried her hardest not to cry. Steven slowly lifted his arms around her, not wanting to make the hug so one-sided. He appreciated the tightness of her hug.

“I’m sorry, Steven.” Connie mumbled into his neck.

“W-what for?” Steven kept his eyes staring straight ahead down the empty corridor of the dorm rooms that looked to be never-ending. His mind flooded with all the possible reasons as to why she could have been apologising - none of them were good. He was afraid to know the answer.

Connie really wanted to tell him that sometimes loving him was painful, but there wasn’t quite a way to express that without hurting his feelings. She wanted to tell him how his love was suffocating, but there was no way to tell him that without hurting him. He was such a loveable person that it made it incredibly hard to tell him the truth when no matter how it was phrased it would hurt him.

“I never meant to hurt your feelings, that was exactly what I wanted to avoid - but I did it anyway. I’m sorry.” Connie began to sob. “I didn’t want you to be upset.”

Steven didn’t quite know how to respond, continuing to hold onto Connie in the silence.

“I thought maybe if we tried to distance ourselves it wouldn’t have been so hard on you when I left for college. It was a stupid idea - I know.” Connie sighed, continuing to scrunch her eyes up as she held onto feel the warmth of his hug.

“You could have spoken to me…” Steven couldn’t quite fathom his emotions. Why would Connie torture him for months? That didn’t seem very fair.

“I know.”

“Were you going to break up with me?” Steven nearly choked on the question. Of course, she was going to break up with him. Why would she had tortured him for months otherwise? There would have been no better way to do it.

“I…”

“You’re breaking up with me?” Steven immediately removed himself from the hug, gripping onto Connie’s shoulders and allowing himself to see her red eyes. The sheer heartbreak could be seen spread across his face as his chest began to tighten.

“Steven, you know I love you…” Connie couldn’t quite muster up the courage to look into his eyes.

“But?” Steven was desperate for an answer.

“But...I think we need some time apart.”

“What?” Steven’s eyes widened. This was exactly what he thought it was.

“It’s not...we’re so young, Steven. I love you so much, but I want to experience other...things. I love being a part of your universe, but I want to explore more. I want to make new friends or maybe go to a party - maybe even try alcohol!”

“You hate parties.” Steven furrowed his eyebrows.

“That’s not...that’s not the point. It’s not about the parties, Steven.” Connie sighed, grabbing onto Steven’s hands and holding them in front of her.

“So, what is it about?”

“There’s so much on earth to explore. So many life experiences that we’re both yet to discover.”

“Can’t we discover them...together?” Steven bit onto his bottom lip, completely disheartened by the conversation.

“Don’t you want to meet new people?” Connie tilted her head slightly.

“Not very many people understand...me. You understand though!” Steven half-smiled in an attempt to get Connie to respond with a smile back. It was somewhat successful.

“I didn’t understand you at first either.” Connie shrugged with a smile. It had taken her a while to finally understand Steven and his unorthodox ways of living.

“Oh…”

“You need to give people time, Steven. You have more patience than most, but you need to use it when it comes to yourself too. Not everyone will understand and that’s okay - but lots of people will. They’ll love you for being you, Steven Universe.” Connie squeezed his hands slightly as she spoke.

Steven thought about the words. Connie seemed rather set on the idea of discovering more in life. Perhaps Steven needed to warm up to the idea too? Maybe travelling across the country was what he truly needed to discover that side of himself? Connie wasn’t going to be there then, no matter how much he wanted her beside him.

Steven couldn’t be selfish, it wasn’t all about him! Perhaps he had been slightly overwhelming when it came to Connie. They did just about everything together and although he had never seen an issue to that, he never really thought about how they could have potentially impacted Connie. He always went along with the idea that she was having just as much fun as he was and maybe - she was. However, Steven tended to just assume the best in people.

As much as Steven didn’t want this, it wasn’t about him. He wanted to respect Connie’s wishes and if breaking up with him was the only way to make her happy - then he had to do it. No matter how much it pained him to think about it.

“Do you...want to be alone?” Steven’s expression sank as he asked the question.

“For a while - yeah.” Connie shrugged, barely able to look at Steven the same way as she used to. She never wanted to hurt his feelings, she had never loved anyone quite the way that she loved Steven and that was one of the many reasons for her hurtful actions.

“Can we still call each other?”

“Yeah, I still want to speak to my best friend.” Connie smiled, finally building enough courage to look into Steven’s eyes. Steven stared back, the words ‘best friend’ no longer grating his soul the same way that they did just a few moments ago.

Steven glanced away for a second, pondering on a question within his mind.

“Do you still...love me?”

“I’ll always love you, Steven.” Connie smiled as she reached up and wiped away a single tear streaming down Steven’s face with her thumb.

Steven took that as a cue to pull her in for a hug, holding her incredibly tightly - he truly never wanted to let go this time. He loved her so much and wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. If him leaving her would have made that reality then he would have left forever.

Steven gently pulled away from the hug, letting go of her one last time before straightening out his varsity jacket and attempting to compose himself.

“You should probably get back to your new college friends. You don’t want to keep them waiting.” Steven proposed with a smile spread across his face, one to mask the pain he felt within himself.

“Are you not going to stay? I think they’re ordering pizza.”

“I should probably get going. Traffic, y’know?” Steven chuckled as he placed his hands on his hips.

Connie could tell when he was lying, he wasn’t exactly very good at it. She felt awful, knowing quite how much she had hurt his feelings. There was no other way. They needed to go through it in order to move forward. Connie needed to separate herself from him, not forever, but long enough to get to spend some time with people other than Steven. She didn’t want to isolate herself and encouraged him to do the same.

They both needed this.

However, what Connie needed may have been completely different from what Steven wanted. They both wanted different things. Sometimes it was the case of sacrificing your desires for the person that you loved and Steven was somewhat willing to do just that.

“Are you sure? There’s going to be garlic bread...” Connie attempted to coax him into staying. A part of her knew that if he were to walk out of the door there was a chance that she may not have been able to see him for a rather long time.

“It’s okay, I’ll get something on the way home.” Steven waved his hand out in front of him.

Connie held her hands together awkwardly, feeling terrible she knew exactly what playlist Steven would put on in the car so that he could cry his eyes out on the way home. Perhaps she was wrong though...perhaps he was fine…

“Steven, are you okay?” Connie questioned. What a silly question to ask.

Steven knew that Connie could see through everything. He was so used to using Connie as a warm safety net to fall into whenever things went wrong that she was well clued up in Steven’s masking techniques.

Steven couldn’t lie to her. Not after everything.

He scratched the back of his neck and looked towards Connie. Her eyes were sympathetic and warm. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her between the eyes as she hugged him closely - something he hadn’t gotten the opportunity to do for her in months.

Steven glanced around the room before breathing in deeply to express himself. He placed both of his hands into his jacket pockets and rocked gently on his heels.

“No, I’m not okay - but I will be...” Steven half-smiled as he got one last look at Connie. As beautiful as ever.

Connie rested her hands on her chest as she copied Steven’s expression.

Steven nodded before twisting himself on his heel and walking down the corridor to the exit...

Perhaps Connie's way of breaking the news was the incorrect way of handling Steven's emotions. However, in that situation, there wasn't a single way in which Steven wouldn't end up being hurt. Connie didn't even need Garnet's future vision to know that would have been the case. If Connie continued to lie to herself about wanting to be with him throughout college, it would have torn them both apart even more than before. A single year they had spent together, loving each other more than they had loved each other before. Steven would never have been able to forget the time they shared, regardless of whether or not it was something he would have been able to do once again in the future.

They were no longer as close as they were, but that didn't mean that they didn't still have a bond that couldn't have been broken. Even if Connie was a million miles away, Steven would have gone back for her. Even if they found other people within their life, Steven knew he would have always loved Connie more than he could have ever loved anyone else.

They were finally able to live their lives as individuals.

Maybe, despite the pain, it was for the best...