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They've been sort of together for a while, Kageyama and Hinata. They do things, like go to movies, share food, hold hands (Kageyama always blames that one on Hinata). Kageyama's not sure if they're dating or what, but every once in a while he wonders if Hinata actually knows how he feels about him, or if he's just going along with things blindly like he usually does.
Kageyama's terrible at expressing himself, so he wouldn't be surprised.
Maybe it's something like a whim Hinata gets every once in a while, like when he really wants strawberry cake and talks about nothing else until Kageyama finally gives in and buys him a slice on the way home (he feeds some to Kageyama and it's hard to push his blush down). Hinata's like this with everyone though, he tells himself, open and happy and completely the opposite of what Kageyama is.
They do kiss, sometimes, and while he wonders, Kageyama's never seen Hinata do that with anyone else, he's never seen such pink cheeks in any other situation, so he likes to think maybe, maybe Hinata does know what he's doing and maybe they're on the same page here.
They've never said It, though.
Kageyama wants to say It, he really wants to, finds himself thinking about it during practice watching Hinata bounce around the court, in the middle of class when his teacher's talking about grammar, walking home while Hinata holds onto his no-doubt sweaty hand but shows no sign of letting go. It nags at him at night, while he stares at the ceiling and wonders if it would be weird if he just came out and said it, if it would scare Hinata away finally.
He knows what's going on, what he's feeling even though he's never felt it before in his life for anything besides volleyball. He'd barely even had to consider it before deciding that yeah, that's what it is, that's what's going on and he wants to say it, to get it out in the open before it ends up exploding in his chest like he feels like its going to.
It's been months and months of this slow torture, and he still has no idea what to do.
Hinata's never said It either, although he's said a lot of possible variations. “I love when you toss to me, Kageyama!” “I love playing volleyball with you!” “I love the way you smell” one time, late at night when they were sharing a bed. Kageyama still thinks about that one.
So he doesn't really know if it's appropriate to say it, or how he'd even go about saying it. He has a feeling he'd royally fuck it up if he tried, like he does most things that have to do with human interaction. He's kind of shocked he's even in the position he is with Hinata right now, although it's so easy that he sometimes forgets it's a thing he should be worried about. It's natural, kind of like breathing or tossing or spiking, the way their hands brush when they walk together and Hinata reaches out and grabs it, grinning. Hinata is a natural.
But Kageyama controls himself the best he can, pretending it's really no big deal that they're like this, that it's just Hinata's overpowering friendliness as always. He's not going to say it, he's not going to say it, he's not going to-
“I love you!”
Kageyama blurts it out one day during practice, in front of everyone, and he wants to die. Hinata had been looking at him with that wide-eyed enthusiasm he seems to have for everything, telling him what an amazing toss that was and Kageyama feels so appreciated and his chest is tight and he's thinking it, like always, 'I love you', and then it just slips out.
The court is completely silent. There's the sound of a ball thudding on the floor, presumably dropped by Tanaka who's gaping at them like he's never seen anything quite as shocking, which honestly he probably hasn't, so Kageyama can't blame him. That's not the worst, though. He can deal with being humiliated in front of his team, he guesses, since it's happened before. Hinata, though, is another story.
Hinata's staring at him, open-mouthed like he'd been in the middle of a sentence (he had) (he always is) and Kageyama feels like all the blood in his entire body is rushing into his face (it probably is). He doesn't know what to do. Should he play it off as a joke? He's terrible at joking. Should he apologize? That doesn't seem right, either.
In a moment of complete terror, he yells out the first thing that comes to mind. “Stupid!” And then he's running off the court and he's definitely not going to look back at Hinata because this is an absolute mess, he is so dead, he fucked up and he's going to go home and not come back to school ever. He's going to transfer, tell his mom he has to move cities, change names...
He ends up in the boy's bathroom at the far side of school, leaning over the sink and staring at himself in the mirror. His face is beet red, still, not helped by the mad dash he'd made to escape, and he really does look terrifying. Had he looked like that when he'd blurted it out? He's dead. He thinks he might be having a heart attack.
Kageyama takes a deep breath and splashes his face with water. He can do this, he can go back and pass it off as something like “I love the way you spike” or something which Hinata will no-doubt accept as being the truth. He needs damage control, because he's honestly terrified of messing up what they have with something as dumb as telling Hinata he loves him, even if it's true. He would rather just ignore that in favor of sitting close together, sharing a bed, kisses on the cheek he gets whenever Hinata's at cheek-level.
He ends up not even going back to practice, because he really doesn't think he can handle facing Hinata, not to mention the rest of the team. He doesn't know if they'd had any idea of anything going on between them, but it's definitely out there now, and it makes his stomach churn. He's left all his things in the club room, and he's still in his practice clothes, but he figures he can get up really early and just get his stuff in the morning before practice. Maybe he can just completely ignore Hinata and things will go back to normal, or at least manageable.
Making his way to the gate, Kageyama's so busy thinking about how much he screwed up back there and what he's going to do to fix it (never leave his room) that he doesn't notice he's walking past anyone until there's an arm reaching out and yanking at his wrist and he stops, arm jolting back. He's really not in the mood for this, so he whips around, preparing to rip whoever it is a new one.
It's Hinata.
Whatever Kageyama's about to say dies in his throat and he's left between a glare and some sort of pathetic cry for help plastered on his face. Hinata's looking at him with the utmost concern, which is...good, maybe, since it's not disgust.
“Kageyama, your face looks really scary,” is the first thing out of his mouth. It's the most relieving thing Kageyama has ever heard him say. “Are you coming back to practice?”
Kageyama stares at him. He can't believe that's what Hinata is concerned about, but then again, he shouldn't be surprised. “No,” he says, and Hinata looks even more concerned.
“You never skip practice! The last time you were sick you came and got everyone else sick, and it's boring without you there anyway.” He looks like he's pouting, kind of, and Kageyama stops himself from thinking what he wants to think. He is not going to let it slip again.
“I'm tired,” he says instead, “So let go of my arm, dumbass. I'm going home.”
“Your stuff is still in the gym.” Hinata's grip doesn't loosen. “At least come back to get it. Everyone is worried about you running off like that.”
Kageyama's shoulders slump because he knew the team wasn't going to just let that slide. He sighs.
“I love you, too.”
His head whips up so fast he thinks he's given himself whiplash. Is Hinata making fun of him? He doesn't know, doesn't think Hinata is capable of being mean, but anything could happen at this point because there's no way he'd be saying that for real.
But Hinata won't even look at him now, he's staring off to the side, and his face is redder than his hair and his hand is even tighter on Kageyama's arm.
“You what?” Kageyama says dumbly, because he can't think of anything else to say.
“I said I love you too, jackass!” Hinata's looking at him now, glaring, but in a cute way, and Kageyama wants to kick himself for thinking that. “You don't have to...not say it until you blurt it out like that.”
Is Hinata giving him permission to say it regularly? Kageyama keeps staring, and then Hinata's elbowing him in the stomach and huffing.
“Don't look at me like that, jeez! Now I feel dumb! Say it back!” His expression is a mix between nervous, embarrassed, and mad, and Kageyama doesn't know what to do in a situation like this, because he's never been in one.
So he just says it.
“I love you.”
He's half expecting Hinata to laugh at him and tell him it was a joke and how dumb he is but all that's there is a beaming grin, like when they get their quick absolutely perfect, and Kageyama's face feels weird.
“Kageyama...” Hinata's grin is gone, and Kageyama's suddenly worried he's done something weird, but then it's back and he's laughing. “You look so weird when you smile!”
Kageyama's face is burning even more now and he replaces whatever he'd been doing with a scowl-he hates Hinata (he doesn't) but then Hinata's yanking him down by the collar and smacking a short kiss on his lips and he's left bewildered, again.
“It's okay, it's cute,” and then Hinata's running off, still holding onto Kageyama's arm.
Hinata just called him cute.
Kageyama stops short, and his arm feels like it's going to be pulled out of its socket as Hinata grinds to a halt as well, seemingly not realizing he can let go of his arm to avoid such situations. He looks over his shoulder, and then Kageyama's gripping Hinata's face in his hands and kissing him on the lips, hard, and Hinata's face feels warm but he's smiling still, like always, and this is okay, this is better than anything Kageyama could have ever expected.
He should have said it sooner.
They end up going back to the gym together, Hinata somehow having maneuvered his way onto Kageyama's back, and Kageyama does his best to look annoyed but he knows he's not fooling anyone when they enter the gym and Sugawara beams at them. Tanaka's giving them a thumbs up and Kageyama is embarrassed, humiliated even, but it feels warm in his stomach and he keeps playing it over in his head, “I love you, too” coming out of Hinata's mouth.
He really wants to hear it again.
They leave the gym together, later, Hinata gripping his hand and swinging their arms like nobody is watching or he doesn't care if they are, and it's been like this in the past, kind of, but not this obvious. They'd only really held hands on the way home, when Hinata got excited and wanted him to hurry. This is weird, and different, but it feels good and natural just like everything else they do.
Hinata's stopping, though, and Kageyama glances over at him.
“Hey, does that mean you're gonna say it more from now on?” Hinata's looking away again like he's very interested in something in the distance. Kageyama notices the pink staining the tips of his ears.
Yes, he thinks. “Maybe,” he says. “If you do.”
“I will!” Hinata looks back at him, eyes flashing. “I will if you do.”
They shake on it, then they kiss on it, and then Hinata licks his cheek (gross) and laughs while Kageyama tries to grab onto the back of his shirt as he runs away.
He really should have said it sooner. He'll make up for it.