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Rafael was rushing through the March rainstorm to get to Marlene’s preschool classroom in time. Sonny had been working overtime and it was supposed to be Rafael’s job to pick up the little girl this week by six each evening. He’d already been late two of the four days, and it looked like tonight might make number three.
5:59, his watch read as he grinned to himself and pulled the door open. He’d made it with twenty-two seconds to spare.
“Hi, Mr. Barba!” Leah, the new afternoon teacher, greeted him. Turning to Marlene, she said the obvious: “Marlene, your dad’s here!”
“Dat’s my papi,” the little girl corrected as she continued to sit at the table, coloring her picture. “I gotta finish my picture.”
“Marley,” Rafael said, grabbing her coat off the rack, “come on, princesa. Leah wants to go home, I’m sure. You can finish your picture when we get home.”
Leah handed him Marlene’s backpack. “Oh yeah,” she said excitedly, as though she were just remembering, “congratulations! I heard you’re getting married!”
“I’m what?” he asked.
“Marley says you’re getting married. To her mom, Livvy.” Suddenly realizing from Rafael’s confused expression that something was off, Leah shook her head. “Um, maybe I got that wrong?”
“I think so,” he replied as Marley approached them and slid her arms into the jacket he was holding, “considering I’m already married to her other dad.”
“Oh! Oh my God,” Leah exclaimed. “I did not realize you were married to Sonny. I don’t know why...Marley,” she bent down to the little girl, “silly girl! You told me your papi was marrying your mommy Livvy! Why’d you say that?”
Rafael would have chosen not to put his daughter on the spot like that, but since the question had already been asked, he was kind of curious himself.
Marlene shrugged, playing with the drawing in her hands. “Because Papi woves her...an’ I need a mom. I don’t got one.”
Rafael felt his cheeks burn in a mix of shock, sorrow, defensiveness, and embarrassment. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to share with a preschool teacher. “Come on, princesa, let’s get you home,” he said instead, dropping the subject entirely and taking her little hand in his.
***
“Papi, tan I have my dolly?” Marley asked him as she took her bath. He handed it to her and she dipped the doll in the water, then began to wash her hair.
“Here, baby...tip your own head back so I can rinse your hair.” She tilted her head back and he rinsed the shampoo out, then worked the thick conditioner in. He secretly had developed a love of caring for her hair. Initially, he and Sonny both had been clueless as to how to care for a biracial baby’s hair, but after a couple of consultations with a beautician friend of Sonny’s mom’s (and a LOT of youtube videos) they had gotten the hang of it. Rafael had actually bought a wig to practice braiding on, and could now manage it relatively quickly. He proudly thought his daughter’s hair was beautiful--and he wasn’t the only one. He’d been asked by more than one mom at preschool how he learned to style the way he did. One of his proudest moments had been at Christmastime, when they had gone to a party and Rollins had swooned over Marley’s hair. She had actually asked if he would do Jesse’s hair sometime, and he was halfway through an explanation about how different it would be due to texture when he saw her eyes glazing over and just agreed to do it. He’d beamed inside the rest of the party until Sonny had poked him in the gut and told him to calm down.
Marley had been quiet tonight, though--much more than usual, ever since her teacher had asked about Liv and moms. This was hardly the first time they’d addressed the issue, but for some reason Marley seemed to keep coming back to the fact that she didn’t have a mom. And now she had said she needed one. The whole walk home from school he’d wondered if they were denying her something precious. He knew they both would lay their lives down for her without a second thought--he didn’t know another child who was more loved. But was there something that she would get with a mom that he and Sonny couldn’t give her? He thought about Noah for a minute. Liv had, for the most part, always seemed confident that she could provide Noah with everything he needed. As far as he knew, Rollins had never mentioned anything about Jesse expressing a desire for a dad, either.
“Hey Marley,” he said as she dunked her doll in the water again, “you know I’m not marrying Livvy, right? Daddy and I are married. And we love each other very much.”
She dunked her doll again. “But you wove Wivvy too. An’ Noah.” Now she looked at him, and he couldn’t help but think how pretty her green eyes were. “An’ I’m a good sharin’ girl, Papi. You tan be Noah’s papi too an’ Wivvy tan be my momma.”
“What about Daddy?” he asked. “Daddy loves both of us very much and I think he would be sad if he wasn’t part of our family.”
Her little face scrunched up with the expression he related to her thinking really hard. He often wondered if he’d made that exact same face when he was her age. “But Daddy tan still be the daddy! An’ you’re still the papi. But then we just also get the momma...an’ even a brother. An’ I tan share Pru too, so Noah has a doggy. Noah woves doggies.” Hearing her name, Pru jumped up from behind Rafael and ran over, resting her front paws on the ledge of the tub. Marley laughed and tried to pet her. “Good girl! Good Pru!” she laughed as Pru wagged her tail and barked.
Rafael shook his head. “Princesa, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”
“It’s otay, I tan tell you,” she said. “Let the water out an’ then you tan take me out an’ dry me off, Papi.” She shook her own head, laughing, then said to Pru, “Silly Papi. So silly.”
***
“So she told her new teacher you’re marrying Liv, eh?” Sonny tossed his empty beer bottle in the recycling bin then headed toward the bedroom, and Rafael followed him. He’d only been home for a few minutes and it was almost midnight.
“Yeah, she did.” Rafael sat on his edge of the bed and watched his husband change out of his clothes and into a tee shirt and sweatpants. “When the teacher asked her why she said that, she said she needed a mom. ”
Sonny laughed. “Well, she’s got good taste, anyway. Maybe instead of just marrying you off, we should hold interviews, make sure Liv is the best you can do. Personally, I think she’s outclassed you, but that’s just me.”
Rafael’s mouth hung open as he watched Sonny go into the bathroom and start to brush his teeth. “You think this is funny?” he asked, surprised. “She’s basically annulled our marriage in favor of a hetero setup.”
He heard Sonny spit in the sink. “Nah,” he replied, “she just added a mom to our current arrangement. Plus a brother, because she’s practical like that. I mean, at least she’s kind enough to let Livvy keep the kid she’s already got. She could’ve just banished me and Noah off to a whole other apartment.”
Rafael watched his husband climb into bed next to him. “So this really doesn’t bother you? You’re not concerned she’s missing something? What if there’s something she could be getting from a same-sex parent that we’re not providing?”
Sonny caught Rafael’s hand in his own. “I’m sure there is. In fact, I’m sure there are a lot of things that she could be getting from a female parent that she isn’t getting from two men. But no parent provides everything, Rafi. You know that. And we both know that child is loved and cherished beyond measure. She wants for nothing when it comes to that.” He opened his arms and Rafael snuggled in, kissing his neck before reaching down and stroking teasingly over his crotch.
“I missed you tonight,” he murmured into Sonny’s neck. “And tomorrow’s Saturday so we sleep in…”
Sonny kissed his forehead. “And your brilliant husband locked the door, so no unexpected visitors…”
Rafael nipped his shoulder. “I think my brilliant husband could spend a little time loving and cherishing me.”
Pulling Rafael down to the mattress with him, Sonny murmured, “Your brilliant husband agrees.”
***
“I’m so glad we made time for this.” Liv motioned to her plate full of tapas, then took a sip of wine. “This was a great idea, Rafa. The best you’ve had in awhile. And no kids!”
Rafael smirked at her. “I’m glad you’re having a good time.”
“I’ll have to thank Sonny for keeping Noah while we did this. I’m so lucky that Marlene likes to have Noah around--I know she probably doesn’t think he’s as fun as a little girl would be.”
Rafael chuckled. “Sonny makes sure she’s well-versed in all things typically boy…” he glanced up at Liv’s face…”which is why I wanted to talk with you today.”
“Oh yeah?” She took a bite of an empanada. “This is divine...have you tried this?”
“Yeah,” he told her. “Marley told her teacher the other day that you and I are getting married.”
Liv laughed and took another bite of empanada. “Oh yeah? That’s cute.”
“She said she needed a mom.” He watched as she continued to eat, focused on her food and following each bite with a sip of wine. “Olivia.” He could feel the frustration in his gut at her lack of response, and he suddenly heard himself say sharply, “Olivia!”
“Yes, Rafael!” She put her fork down and looked at him. “You’re worried because your little girl said she needs a mom, even though she already has two parents who adore her. She’s decided I would be a good mom for her. I heard you.” She left the fork down but picked up her glass and took another sip of wine. “Sonny told me about it, too. Have you considered that maybe she just sees that other kids have something that she doesn’t and she wants it? You know, like when one kid goes to Disneyworld and they all want to go? Or when a kid gets a new pet and suddenly everyone has to have a puppy?”
His eyes were wide, staring at her. “Did you just compare yourself to a puppy? ”
“Hmm.” She sipped her wine again. “I guess I did.”
“Olivia...I’m not naive enough to think that two men can provide a little girl with everything she would normally get from a mother.” He shook his head, and she watched him carefully as his brow furrowed. “I just...I want her to have everything she needs.”
Liv was quiet, watching him. She finally reached over and rested a hand on top of his. “Rafael,” she asked quietly, “who takes Noah to baseball games?”
He sniffed for a second. “Sonny. And Fin.”
“And who shows up at his dance recitals and school performances?”
“Well,” he replied, “Sonny and I usually do, and of course you’re always there, and sometimes Rollins when she can manage it, and Fin’s usually there.”
“Right,” she agreed. “And can you think of any men in his life who just hang out with him, talk with him?”
“Okay, I get it. Sonny, me, Fin...the endless list of guys you’ve dated…”
“Funny,” she replied sarcastically. “Now let me ask you--did your dad do any of those things for you?”
He bit his lip, thinking about the one time his dad had shown up at his little league game. He’d been drunk and picked a fight with a referee. “No.”
“No,” she echoed him. “Having a parent doesn’t mean they do what they should. We both know your father did jack shit, and mine did even less. You have a beautiful daughter. You have all sorts of strong, wonderful women around her--your mom, Sonny’s mom, his sisters, Rollins, even me. To be honest, I thought when you guys asked me when you were bringing her home if I would be in her life, that I was kind of doing the unofficial mommy thing.” Teasingly, she added, “I’m a little disappointed in myself to find that I’ve fallen down on the job enough that Marley thinks we need to get a priest involved.”
“You’re a laugh and a half,” he told her, shaking his head. “Thank you. Not only for being an unofficial mom to my kid, but for being a voice of reason to me. I knew there was a reason we were friends.”
“Yeah,” she agreed. “I can pick a really good Cabernet.” She winked and took another sip.
***
“So dat’s when you married Daddy?” Rafael was showing Marlene their wedding album. They’d shared it with her before, but he wanted to use it today to help explain his love for his husband. Her little eyes were wide as she looked at each photo, taking her time. “I see your ring, Papi! You gotted it on your finger there! Daddy put it on you, didn’t he?”
Rafael smiled, remembering that day and his nervous exhilaration. “He sure did, princesa. We told each other we loved each other in front of all of our friends and family. And we promised we would love each other and take care of each other for the rest of our lives. That was a very special promise. It’s a promise I’ve only made to Daddy, and I don’t intend to make it to anyone else. Understand?”
She nodded. “Uh-huh. You and Daddy wove each other SO much.”
“Yes. And who do you see in this picture?”
Her little eyes scanned the page. “Abuelita! An’...Grammy! An’...Wivvy!” She looked up at him. “You tan’t marry Wivvy, huh? Because you made dat promise to Daddy, wight?”
“That’s right, mija.” They both looked up as Sonny joined them, sitting in a nearby chair. “I made a promise to Daddy that he would be the only one I marry. But that doesn’t mean Livvy can’t be like a mommy to you. Same with Abuelita and Grammy. They’re special ladies who love you too, and can be like mommies.”
“You have so many ladies who love you, Marley Mae,” Sonny added. “Don’t forget Aunt Bella, or Aunt Gina, or Aunt Teresa...or Auntie ‘Manda...they all love you and can help do the mommy job.”
“Daddy, dat’s SO MANY mommas!” she exclaimed. “So many wadies to help me. Dat’s special, right?”
“Yes baby, that’s right,” Sonny confirmed as Marley climbed into his lap. “You’re very, very lucky to be loved by so many people. Always remember that, honey. You’re a very lucky girl.”
“We’re all pretty lucky,” Rafael added, closing the album to put away. “However we got each other, there’s a whole lot of love.” He stood and reached over to his daughter and his husband, kissing each of them. “A whole lot.”