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I would like to say that Tadashi’s original health chip for Baymax was perfect, that I never fixed any bugs or made any adjustments. Yes, I know no technology is technically perfect, but does not mean I can’t get close. Except I can not get close, what is the point of a healthcare robot when it can not even help me with what I need it to do? Yeah I know Baymax can’t quite give me surgery, but that does not mean he can not help.
Sitting at my garage desk, I let out an audible groan. There is no way I am going to finish this project if I can not just focus already. Without really thinking, I mumbled out an “ow,” waiting for Baymax to inflate. Even with the endless knowledge I have had him download, it is still not enough. It will never be enough until he can finally just find a way to fix me. I have enough reasons to stand out already, I do not need any more.
Baymax, fully inflated and alert, waddled over to where I was sitting. “I was alerted when you said ‘ow.’ On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?” He looked at me expectantly, head slightly tilted kind of like a dog. It was almost cute. Give it to Tadashi to make a cute robot that can lift a thousand pounds.
I would have let out a little chuckle at him, if my mind was not being so stupid, as if it’s never not stupid , “nothing buddy, just… I want to download-”
He interrupted me, “scan complete,” before I could ask why he scanned me when I’m clearly fine, he continued, “your heart rate is at an accelerated pace, indicating stress.”
I let out another groan, “I wouldn’t be stressed if you would just listen,” though clearly he was not listening because he then asked if I would like a hug. I mean, hugs are nice but not right now. If he would just listen to me and actually help then I would be perfectly fine. It is not like I can actually go and get surgery, but there has to be something that can be done to help me. Could I really be unhelpable, unfixable?
I ran my hand over my forehead, letting out a sigh, “just- Baymax just fix me!” I can’t really realistically hope to be fixed though, can I…?
He tilted his head the other way, “Hiro, I do not detect any physical damage. There is nothing to fix.” He does not understand. How could he, no matter how many updates I give him and how much knowledge he downloads, he’ll always just be a robot… no matter how much I may wish him to be so much more. “Hiro?” He asked, stepping towards me.
Before he could pull me into a hug, I tried to push him away despite knowing how insanely strong he is, “no, you don’t understand! You don’t-” I quickly wiped at the tears pressing against my eyes, “you can’t understand, Baymax! Please just- just fix me!” I did not mean for my voice to crack, quickly bringing my hands up to my face to cover the leaking tears. Even though I know he can’t, I couldn’t help repeat the words over and over.
Fix me, fix me, fix me, fix me, fix me…
All my life I’ve always stood out, either I’m the kid with the dead parents, the kid whose only friend is his older brother, the stupid boy genius everyone hates, the scrawny bot fighting hustler, and- and if anyone finds out… if anyone finds out about me then they’ll never look at me the same. Why can I not ever just fit in like a normal person?
He patted me on the back as I cried like the absolute baby I am, I do not even have a real reason to cry , “it is healthy to cry.” And as much as I wanted to choke down my tears like always, they just would not stop. It may be healthy to cry but it is not okay, I’m not supposed to cry, I’m a teenager not a little child.
But Baymax would not leave me alone, I don’t even know anymore if I want him to , “I do not detect anything to fix, Hiro.” How can an almost completely monotone voice sound so comforting?
As much as I wish I could believe him, I just can’t . I don’t know how. But at least he believes it’s true, at least someone doesn’t think I’m a screw up or something to be fixed.
I hugged him back best I could, soaking in the comfort. Maybe it’s enough for now that there’s someone who believes the best in me even when I can’t yet.