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Evans POV
I really don’t think I’ll ever get used to just casually hanging out at Tony Stark’s compound. Or even just being around Tony so much, like now I can see better why Peter loves him so much but even after being in his body I can’t get used to the adult. It’s only fair though, it wouldn’t be right for Peter to have to come visit us every time we wanna spend time together.
Connor, Peter, and I all laid on Peter's extremely oversized bed, legs entangled. The only sound being our breathing, though it was not quite what I would call a comfortable silence. It took everything in me not to break the unbearable lack of noise, silence shouldn’t be so anxiety inducing , but instead of embarrassing myself speaking up I bit my lip. Either way, we didn’t have to worry about anyone butting in though with whatever protocol there was, I think Peter called it the ‘baby monitor’ program.
After a few more moments, it was Connor who spoke up, because of course it is, “guys, we can’t keep walking on eggshells, we’re clearly all not saying something but need to,” give it to Connor to be so blunt , “if anyone has anything to say just come out with it.” Kind of an ironic choice of words.
I mean, it makes sense though, we’ve had enough secrets between us already. That doesn’t make it easier though to just be so open and honest.
Connor sat up first, looking at Peter and I expectantly. Though we both followed suit and sat up, both of us kept our mouths shut. I could not help but pull at the bottom of my shirt as the silence became even more awkward. And I thought it was bad before.
With a sigh, Connor spoke up again, “okay, let’s not pretend there’s nothing weird going on. We all know each other has mental issues so what’s the point of secrets. Communication is key and all that shit,” though he ended that last part in a chuckle, he was quick to sober up again, swallowing his pride, “My secret is I don’t think I’ll ever be able to relate to you two like how you relate to each other.”
Peter beat me to responding, “what? What do you mean you can’t relate?” He looked just as confused as I’m sure I do.
To which Connor rolled his eyes like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “guys, you literally switched bodies. You know what it’s like to be the other, I can’t ever know what that’s like,” though his tone was light, his words hit hard, “There’s like… a sorta deep intimacy between you two that’s hard to explain.” He doesn’t think he can relate to us? Of course he can, why else would we date him? Right?
But like, it makes sense in a way. He really can’t know what it’s like to be in each other's bodies. There’s not really an argument… is there?
Peter sputtered, “Conn of course you can- yeah, you can relate to us, just in a… different way.” It did not come out as confident as I’m sure he meant it to be. At his nervous answer, our boyfriend gave a sort of half smile, wrapping his arm around his waist. I could not help but wish he had his arm around me too. But that’s selfish, I know it's selfish.
“I don’t want you to pity me, I’m just being open and whatever,” he said it so flippantly as if he hasn’t just admitted fear about our relationship. Not like he’s the only one with fears but that’s besides the point. “We aren’t going anywhere if no one else admits what’s obviously bothering them.”
He’s not wrong, I know Connor and I know he’ll make sure I confess at one point or another. And Peter knows me like no else.
Before I could think far too much as always and stop myself, I forced the words from my mouth, hands still tugging at my shirt far too much, “I know-” I cut myself off, bad start , “I’m scared that you two will like… fall for each other more than me,” wow I suck at this , “I mean, like, that you two will break up with me. So that you can only have each other,” when they did not respond right away, I quickly tried to backtrack to no avail, “it’s stupid I’m sorry, it’s nothing, ignore me, I’m so-”
That is when Connor wrapped his arm around me, arms around both boyfriends from where he sat between us, and he spoke up first, “Ev, we’re never going to love you less than we love each other.”
Before I could protest and say how they don’t know that and how they can’t predict their feelings, Peter moved so that he faced me better, though it meant he wasn’t within reach of Connor anymore, “Hey, it’s okay, I know you’re scared,” he took a very different approach than our other boyfriend, “I don’t blame you for being scared, and I know just saying we love you equally won’t fix anything,” how does he just automatically know the right words to say? “So with time we’ll just have to show you.” I mean, he’s not wrong.
Now it’s Peters turn to reveal whatever it is he's been holding in.
…
Peters POV
It was obvious I’m supposed to speak up next, break open and be honest. It’s only fair, they were honest with me and now it’s my turn. That doesn’t mean it’s still not my instincts to lie and say I’m hiding nothing and smile and laugh like I don’t have any weight holding me down.
It’s not like they would try to force me to open up, not really. Doesn’t mean it’s right to hide away though.
But they have actual legitimate fears and concerns for our relationship, and everything with me is just stupid and self centered. It’s not like they don’t know some of it, they know I’m not out to Aunt May. That’s why we meet here rather than at my apartment, that part is obvious. But I’m scared that they think we come here because I’m embarrassed of them and our relationship, not because I’m not ready to come out.
“Peter?” Connor asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. Looking up at my two boyfriends, all I could see was their intense concern for me. They shouldn’t have to be concerned for me though.
If I just say part of my worries, it’s still telling the truth though, right? Nodding a little, “I’m okay,” I really am , “just thinking.”
Connor didn’t miss a beat, “care to share?” Though he said it playfully, there was that seriousness still laced through his tone.
I let out a deep breath, “just… I feel like everything’s going against me in this relationship,” before they could question why, I went on, too late to stop now , “I mean, like you two are off in the suburbs and I’m in the city, you get to spend more time together and I’m just…” I don’t bother finishing with a nuisance , “and like I’m ace and you two aren’t so like-” god I suck at this.
That’s when Connor stepped in, “Peter we aren’t dating you for sex. Hell, Evan and I have been dating longer and we haven’t even done it.”
I nodded, “I know, I know, I just, there’s so many things going against us.” This is too much, I’m not supposed to be the one that breaks down, I'm supposed to be the one that helps, that supports.
Wait, that sounded bad , I quickly continued, “I mean, I don’t regret us daring, I love it. You guys make me really happy, I just, I dunno…” god, why do I suck?
Shockingly, it was Evan who asked the next question, “what else are you scared about?” His voice timid, yet weirdly there was no apologies attached to his question.
What’s the point in hiding any longer when they both know there’s more. “I just worry that you two will think I’m like,” I blinked back the tears pressing at my eyes, I have no reason to cry what is wrong with me? “like ashamed of you guys and our relationship. Y’know cuz like, I’m not out to Aunt May and-”
“Wait what?” Connor cut me off, “we would never blame you for not being out. I didn’t even want to come out to my parents, they just caught me one day. Take your time.” Connor never wanted to come out? He’s always so unashamed about his sexuality though, I never would have thought…
And like, with how openly homophobic Ben was, what if Aunt May is the same? I have enough issues towards myself, I don’t need anyone else repeating Ben’s words to me. It’s hard enough already.
I guessed he noticed my stupid tears filling my eyes because before I knew what was happening, Connor had pulled me into a hug. With a quick kiss on the head, he reached back and grabbed Evans arm, pulling him into our group hug.
Though nothing was fixed, at least we all knew what was going on. And that’s a good start I think. At least we are honest with each other this time.