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It would seem only logical that Logan had absolutely no tact, at least that’s how Roman saw it. He had no distain for him, in fact, they had been very close friends for years now. Sure, they had their disagreements from time-to-time – which was to say, quite often – but for the most part the two got along a lot better than they had in the past. Roman had a lot of respect for his friend so, incredibly respectfully, mind you, he informed Logan that he was fairly certain Logan couldn’t flirt to save his life.
“Excuse me?” Logan asked, clearly attempting to mask any offence in his tone. It didn’t work.
“I say it in a very loving way,” Roman clarified, though the laugh that followed the statement seemed to indicate that he was not, in fact, saying it lovingly, “I just can’t imagine you being any good at flirting, pocket-protector.”
Logan sighed before pouring himself a cup of coffee. He certainly hadn’t asked to be insulted first thing in the morning, but Roman seemed to be dead-set on doing so.
“Tell me, Roman, what makes you think so? I’m fairly certain anyone, to some extent, could attempt to, woo, as you might phrase it, a potential romantic interest. After all, you were able to convince Patton to court you.”
Roman slapped a hand over his chest, letting out a dramatic gasp.
“Well, I never! I’ll have you know that I very gallantly seduced him! I am a prince, after all. Of course I know how to flirt! I’m the master.” Logan quirked an eyebrow.
“Is that so?” Roman spluttered.
“Of course it is! How dare you say otherwise?!”
“Well, I don’t know, Roman. Perhaps because you’ve just insulted me.” Roman made a noncommittal noise before sighing.
“Listen, teach, I don’t mean to upset you and I’m sorry if I have,” that was true, too. Although Roman often expressed the fact that making fun was “how he showed his love” he was working on doing so less and taking other’s feelings into consideration more. Even so, there was always room for improvement. “All I mean is that you’re the brainy guy and I’m the prince. Of course I’m the one who has all the flirting power.”
Logan huffed after taking a sip of his coffee, casting the most irritated glance he could muster for the time in the morning.
“That logic seems rather biased. Just because I’m the “brainy guy,” as you so eloquently put it, shouldn’t mean that I’m incapable of flirting successfully.” Logan was about to elaborate on his statement before hearing a door open down the hall and seeing Virgil stumble into the kitchen blearily. Logan closed his mouth, any further argument in his favor dying on his tongue as he watched Virgil pour himself a cup of black coffee and begin to chug it with the most lovestruck expression – not that Logan would ever admit to such things.
A glint of mischief usually only reserved for Remus shined in Roman’s eyes as he turned to Virgil and Logan cursed the day he was born (which was rather odd, considering he was entirety aware that he was a side, and thusly, never had been born).
“Help me out here, Hot Topic,” Roman said with a smile Logan didn’t trust in the least bit. Virgil took his lips off of his Nightmare Before Christmas mug, sending Roman a scowl.
“What do you want, princey?” Virgil’s voice, while already rather deep, was even more so when he’d just woken up. He was still clad in his pajamas, a purple and black storm clouds just like his logo and his hair still clearly hadn’t seen the likes of a comb. That was to say Virgil looked adorable and it would be incredibly difficult to argue otherwise. It was simply factual.
“Wow, grumpy much?” Roman complained, earning a shrug in response, “Anyway, I think that Microsoft Nerd over here can’t flirt to save his life, but he can’t seem to agree. What says you?”
Suddenly, Logan rerated more than ever confiding in Roman that he had an…infatuation with Virgil. He’d already had to endure a slew of teasing but that had been manageable. This, on the other hand, was shaping up to be something different entirely.
Virgil snorted, a sound that was much more chipper than his attitude had been prior. It was a beautiful sound, Virgil’s laughter, and Logan would have relished in the sound had it not been at his expense.
“L, come on, you know you’re one of my best friends but there is no way you’ve got any flirting game.” A scowl settled over Logan’s face as he set his coffee cup on the counter and crossed his arms over his chest.
“So you two are in agreement? I had hoped that maybe you would’ve taken my side, Virgil.” Logan did his best to mask the hurt in his tone, unconscious of how much of it might be seeping through. Virgil frowned, placing a hand on Logan’s shoulder.
"I’m not saying it to piss you off, man. It’s just…I mean – sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset – I don’t imagine you’d be very uh, good at it.” The dejected expression on Logan’s face spoke volumes because as quick as ever Virgil was rushing to make a clarification, “Not to say that I know how to flirt either!”
Roman, amazingly, had watched this conversation in silence before deciding butting in was in his best interest.
“You’re being too soft with him. Logan, I bet you ten bucks you can’t successfully flirt with Virgil!”
Logan’s heartbeat quickened in a matter of seconds as he sent Roman an incredulous look of frustration. He couldn’t tell if Roman was trying to tease him, be his wingman or both, but either way he was handling it extraordinarily poorly.
“Whoa, Roman, he – he doesn’t have to do that. Logan, you don’t need to do that, don’t listen to him, he’s just being an asshole,” Virgil sputtered, looking mortified. Hm. As nervous as Logan was becoming in this situation, Virgil’s reaction to the prospect of him flirting with him was curious. Could that mean – well, only one way to find out.
“Fine, I’ll take your bet,” Logan said as he turned to Roman before redirecting his attention on Virgil.
“Do you have eleven protons?”
“W-what?”
“Because you’re sodium fine.”
“PFFFFT! That’s how you flirt? Nerdy science things? There’s no way that’s going to work on Virgil! Virgil, tell him this isn’t working on you.” To Roman’s surprise, Virgil’s face had just reddened a shade or two deeper.
“I-I…”
“You must have a charge because I am finding myself feeling very attracted to you.”
“These are freaking ridiculous. Just give me the ten bucks now, you’re just digging your own grave at this point. Right Virgil – Virgil? Why do you look so red-in-the-face? No. No! There’s no way this is what does it for you!” Roman said in disbeleif, glancing between Logan and a very flustered Virgil.
“Are you my appendix? Because I don’t understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.”
“L-Lo these are fucking awful, come on, stop it,” Virgil said meekly with a hand covering his mouth.
“I could really see myself periodically doing you on a table.” That, it seemed, was Virgil’s breaking point because suddenly he went rigid with a look of what can only be described as “Complete and utter gay panic” in his eyes.
“I – uh – need to go be. Somewhere else!” Virgil said before quickly sinking out of the room and leaving Roman and Logan alone. Roman put his face in his hands and sighed loudly.
“Oh come on! I had faith that Virgil had better taste than those corny things.” Logan raised an eyebrow, still a little overwhelmed that went as positively as it did.
“You say that having a boyfriend who regularly makes bad puns.”
“Hey! Don’t you insult Pat’s puns, that’s-that’s different.” Logan rolled his eyes.
“I’m sure.”
“How many of those things do you have memorized? And why in the world would you, what use would they serve? I would assume you of all people wouldn’t enjoy that kind of flirting.”
“Oh, I have flashcards,” Logan explained nonchelauntly, “You never know when they might come into use. Now, I believe you owe me ten dollars.” Roman grumbled, reaching into his pocket and presenting the bill.
“Well, aren’t you going to go woo the emo nightmare now? Considering how he left in such a hurry, I would unfortunately have to call that mess a rousing success.” Logan smiled faintly, thinking of how Virgil had reacted.
“I do believe you’re right,” Logan said, failing to mask just how excited he was before leaving the room.
Roman was right, Logan could most certainly not flirt.
It was a good thing that Virgil had a weakness for nerds with absolutely atrocious pick-up-lines.
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