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Normally, Alex always goes home after Thomas has fallen asleep, because they both know that it´s too risky for him to stay. He knows that the other man hopes every time, that he will stay, and it hurts Alex every time that he has to leave him, but it´s for the best like that.
This night, however, Alex fell asleep in Thomas´ arms, only waking up some time later. He lays there for a moment, his heart beating loud and fast and his mind racing, without him knowing what exactly had woken him up. He feels paralyzed, unable to move, even if he wanted to. Then he hears it, the distant rolling of thunder, and his heart skips a beat, as panic surges through him.
Alex stares wide eyed out of the window, letting out a scared whimper when he sees lightning flashing on the dark night sky. Another thunder breaks through the silence and he starts trembling, unable to supress it. He knows that it´s irrational, that he is safe here and that it´s just a small thunderstorm and not the hurricane that destroyed his town, but he can´t seem to calm down. He wants to close his eyes and hide in Thomas´ embrace, but he is still unable to move.
His mind is spiralling, flashes of long repressed memories starting to resurface; destroyed houses, water everywhere, dead, and hurt people, children screaming for their parents and in the middle of it all, his mother´s eyes. He lets out a sob, startling himself with how inhuman it sounds.
After what feels like hours, he manages to get so much control over his body that he is able to move, turning slowly around, so that he is facing Thomas. For a second, he feels bad about waking him, hates himself for being so selfish, but when another thunder crashes outside, he lifts his hand, carefully touching his lover´s face.
“Thomas.”, he whimpers.
The other man doesn´t move and for a horrible moment, Alex thinks that he might have died in his sleep, just like his mother had all those years ago, leaving him completely alone.
“Thomas!”, he tries again, this time more frantic. His voice sounds far too loud in the room, and he startles himself with it.
Thomas jerks awake, staring at Alex with a wide-eyed confusion. Alex has started to sob, whispering Thomas´ name over and over again, without really realising that he is doing it. His lover is a bit lost at first, before he wraps Alex in his arms, whispering calming things into his ear.
“I thought you died.”, Alexander manages to say, after some time, which only causes him to cry more.
“No, everything is alright. I am here. We are safe. Nothing happened.”, Thomas says, doing his best to let his voice sound as calming as possible. “We are alright.”
Alex shakes his head, clinging desperately to Thomas´ shirt, while his breathing just gets more erratic. He starts feeling lightheaded, which causes him to panic even more.
“I can´t breathe.”, he whimpers.
Thomas gently strokes his hair, doing his best to calm him down. It takes him almost an hour of promising Alex that he is alright and that they are safe and that Thomas isn´t going anywhere, before Alex calms down enough that he isn´t sobbing uncontrollably anymore. He is still tense, even though Thomas is drawing soothing patterns on his skin.
“I can still hear the rain.”, Alex mumbles, his voice sounding scratchy from crying that much.
“I know, love. Just concentrate on my voice, alright?”, Thomas says, pressing a lingering kiss to Alexander´s head.
Alex nods reluctantly and tries to follow Thomas´ words, but he still feels broken and a bit lost.
He is glad that he had talked with Thomas about his fear of storms and about the memories that always resurface during them, so that he doesn´t need to explain himself, doesn´t know if he even could right now. Since John had died, Alex had always been alone during storms, either drinking his fear away or hiding in a windowless room. It has always been alright, but he is incredibly grateful that Thomas is by his side right now, even though he fears that he will need the other man´s closeness from now on every time there is a storm.
Alex jumps when he hears a branch of a tree hitting the window, almost instantly followed by another thunder rolling outside. He lets out a pitiful whimper, pressing himself close to Thomas. It is clear that his lover is a bit out of his depth, watching helplessly as Alex begins to tremble again.
“Please, do something that I don´t have to hear it anymore.”, Alex pleads, looking up at Thomas with frightened eyes.
“I don´t know what to do.”, Thomas confesses, the pain of being unable to help his lover clear in his voice.
Alex is still crying softly, his eyes pressed tightly together, while his breathing is getting faster again.
“Please, anything.”, he begs.
Thomas nods, thinking for a second, before he starts humming. Alex opens his eyes without thinking about it, staring up at Thomas in surprise. The other man stops almost instantly, but Alex shakes his head.
“No, please don´t stop.”
His lover swallows, before starting to hum again, first just different notes without an actual melody, before merging into a song Alex doesn´t know. Strangely, it calms him down, his breathing going back to normal and he feels himself relaxing.
“You have a nice voice.”, he mumbles after listening to Thomas for some time. “Could you sing me something?”
Thomas hesitates a moment, before he nods, clearing his throat.
“Let the wind blow kindly
In the sail of your dreams
And the moon light your journey
And bring you to me.”
Alex is transfixed by Thomas´ voice, almost forgetting the storm outside. He feels his mind clearing a bit and can´t help but yawn, snuggling closer to Thomas´ chest.
“We can´t live in the mountains
We can´t live out at sea
Where oh, where oh, my lover
Shall I come to thee?”
Alex allows himself to relax under Thomas gentle hands, that are still combing through his hair and to the sound of his calming voice, he finally falls asleep.