Work Text:
Athazagoraphobia
Noun
An irrational or extreme fear of being ignored; forgotten.
—
Tango likes to consider himself a pretty brave person. Reckless even maybe, but brave regardless. He doesn’t fear a rough fight or task, he’s strong. He has the skill sets to do most things himself, but if he can’t do a specific thing then he can simply hire a skilled hermit to do so.
Or at least that’s what he tells himself.
But in reality, he knows deep down that there’s lies hidden beneath his self proclamations.
He knows he has issues. But he likes to pretend he doesn’t.
Whenever he hasn’t heard from a hermit in a while, he’ll check up, hiring that hermit or stopping by their shop or base. Whenever, he has an occasion where he can hire one of his friends, he does so, without a single question.
Tango is aware he has issues.
He knows that he is scared of people… of his friends forgetting him. Of them ignoring him, hating him, not even knowing him.
It’s irrational and stupid. He’s usually not afraid of many things.
But here he is, with a fear of his friends not remembering him. It’s almost sad how active his mind is on it.
Scar’s campaign, False’s campaign… he’s been involved with them both. He’s making the arcade with Etho, setting up the hunt for Grian… Asking god knows what for his Toon Towers from Cleo, Beef, Bdubs…
Sure there’s a part of him who just wants to do those things, just would rather hire Cleo than try and do it himself.
However, brewing inside him is a cup of coffee unlike any other. It’s filled with attempts at being everywhere at once. Being a part of so many things that there’s no way his friend’s could possibly forget him.
He’s not scared. He’s just…
Worried.
Sure, he can pretend he’s just worried.
But he’s not just worried..
And he’s determined to push away that fact.
—
Tango laughs as Bdubs falls off the concrete machine yet again.
The three had decided to spend some time just hanging out and chatting, having only seen each other for work reasons recently. Since Impulse and Tango needed to stock up on concrete for their shop, they all decided to hang out on their concrete machine.
This is fun.
Bdubs gets back on, huffing angrily.
“This machine is against me!”
Impulse smiles, covering his mouth with his hand to muffle small laughs.
Tango feels himself grin as he watches them both, “It’s not the machine’s fault that you’ve angered gravity.”
The other gasps in offence, “If anything, gravity is angering me!”
The two go back and forth, Impulse watching with quiet snickers.
Night begins to fall, sunset sprawling on them all. Tango and Impulse look to Bdubs, who as per usual grabs a bed and flies over to Tango’s house to sleep.
“Hopefully my house is bright enough.” Tango wonders to himself.
Impulse nods with a warming smile, “I’m sure it is, we’ve all been adjusting so what Doc told us about doesn’t happen again.”
Ah yes.
A week ago they all were sat down by Doc, Bdubs beside him. Doc explained how Bdubs had a fear of night, scolding whoever pulled a prank on Bdubs, removing all his beds. Scar admits he did it to see how he’d react, but apologizes profusely for 3 minutes straight. Bdubs said it was okay, him and Doc asking everyone to make sure they have at least one bed at their base at all times and to make sure everything is well-lit.
So they all did just that.
Tango can’t help but think about it.
If he were to tell them about his fear, what would they do? Would they find a way to help him with it?
Except, it’s unlikely.
He loves his friends, but his fear can’t be made less persistent. His fear isn’t something that can even make a little normal sense.
His fear is selfish.
He’s afraid of being ignored… forgotten.
If he told them all about that fact, they’d finally know how selfish he actually is.
And that is a point he never wants to get to.
So as the night falls, he decides that he and Impulse should probably sleep as well. Before he begins to act even more annoying… or before he begins to pretend as if Impulse would ever forget him.
It’s an irrational fear as he said.
Impulse of all people would never forget him. They’ve been through too much.
“We should go to sleep too. I added beds atop the Chamber of Mockery if that works for you.”
The other nods, “Sounds good.”
Taking out rockets, the pair boost themselves into the sky, flying towards his Toon Towers. The two laugh at each other, air rushing past their faces.
When they both land on the glass roof of the Chamber of Mockery, Tango places a bed down.
“You can take the one that’s already here.”
Impulse nods with a thankful smile.
Settling in their beds, they watch the sky turn to black.
At some point Tango hears Impulse fall asleep, quiet little noises coming from him.
It takes a good few deep breaths and a lot of hoping before Tango manages to ungracefully fall to sleep.
…
Tango blinks, opening his eyes. The sky is a warm orange and purple, indicating it’s dawn already.
Huh… that felt fast.
Yawning, he gets up and turns to glance at Impulse. Impulse gets up, stretching and looking at him.
“How much do you wanna bet that Bdubs is still asleep?” Tango grins.
Impulse raises an eyebrow, “You know Bdubs?”
Wait what?
Tango freezes, blinking at the other.
“Of course I do? Why wouldn’t I know him?” He swallows, beads of nervous sweat forming on his arms.
Why would Impulse ask such a weird question?
Said male’s eyes widen, “Oh! Are you a new hermit then? I’ve been a bit preoccupied with my base lately so apologies for not introducing myself earlier.”
Nonononononono.
This can’t be happening.
Tango laughs, blinking rapidly as he finds himself panic, “Impulse, what’s up with you? It’s me, Tango here? Y’know, you’re best friend.”
Impulse frowns in confusion, “No…? Zedaph is my best friend, always has been.”
But...But…
It feels like a million tiny needles just stabbed him in the back.
He starts to breathe heavily, “Impulse, this prank isn’t funny. For reals, it’s me, I’m your best friend here, Tango.”
“This… isn’t a prank? I’m sorry I didn’t meet you when you first joined, but like I said I’ve been busy.” Impulse stares at him, in bafflement, he looks genuinely confused.
He forgot me…
He doesn’t remember me.
I’m nothing.
Nothing to the person I care about the most…
Struggling to breathe, he gets up, staggering from the bed towards the edge of the glass roof.
Tears form in his eyes, but he blinks them away.
He’s being stupid… stupid stupid stupid. This isn’t real, Impulse would never forget him. They’re best friends. Impulse is pranking him, his mind is pranking him… Somebody has to be pranking him.
Maybe Etho has a new hallucination service or something… right?
He hears Impulse behind him, “Are you okay… You said your name is Tango?”
Another needle.
Tango shakes his head, “You aren’t Impulse…” He mutters, mostly to himself.
It couldn’t possibly be Impulse. Impulse would never forget him, he knows that.
I know that so why…. Why…?
Taking out his rockets, he jumps off his Tower, falling through the sky.
Fwick!
Propelling himself through the air, he looks for someone… anyone who he knows.
If not Impulse, someone has to remember him right?
Air pushes his watery eyes even more and he feels water escaping his eyes into the high skies as he begins to fly over to the shopping district. Someone there will recognize him.
They have to.
When he reaches his destination, he spots Etho walking inside his Ice shop from above.
Etho! He’ll recognize me for sure.
He lands, practically crashing, on the ground in front of the shop. He throws open the doors, making Etho flinch.
“ETHO!”
Said male turns slightly with a shaken and nervous smile, “Yes?”
“What’s my name?”
The other raises an eyebrow, “Tango…?”
He remembers me!
Relief floods through him and he embraces Etho immediately, before freezing and backing up.
I was right, I was just being weird and scared… nothing is wrong-
“Sorry I just got excited-”
Etho smiles, “It’s fine! Impulse said in chat you’re the newest member so you probably don’t know but I have haphephobia so air hugs are preferred.” He glances at Tango’s shoes, “Also could you take your shoes off? It’s Canadian custom.”
Tango nearly chokes.
The tears streaming down his face begin to pour faster and faster as he grasps at his vest. He falls to his knees, unable to breathe.
The other’s eyes widen and he steps closer, “Are you okay? What’s wrong? It’s really okay, I don’t expect new members to be aware of everything, it’s okay to be new to things!”
He frowns, leaning down to meet Tango’s eyes.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
Tango smiles despite his heart shredding over and over into tiny scraps of blood and useless veins. He feels all his vital organs implode in his chest, the chunks hitting the edge of his body and thudding to his feet. It makes his feet heavy.
His face is hot and sticky, he places his hands on the floor to steady himself, lowering his head. He watches as tears build and fall to the floor.
“You could remember me… that’d be a nice start.” He chuckles, but he says each word as if he were a mouse. So quiet that no single person could truly understand.
Etho blinks, “Huh? What was that, I’m sorry I can’t hear-”
Rushing to his feet, he wants to collapse and disappear, an unusual feeling, “It’s nothing!”
I’m nothing.
I’m really nothing important…
A thought blooms in his mind.
Xisuma! He’d never forget me, he’s constantly taking a moment to appreciate or remember all of us, he’s got to be somewhere.
Tango stumbles out of the shop, taking out his communicator. He notices Impulse’s message and feels his eyes water yet again.
Why am I such a crybaby suddenly?
ImpulseSV: i just met tango
GoodTimesWithScar: Who?
ImpulseSV: the new member
He gasps for air, stumbling forward.
I have to get over it. X… I can hope that X remembers me.
Yet again, he takes out rockets, but as he gets into the air, he becomes shaky. His tears blur his vision and his weak arms can barely grasp the rockets without dropping them. His feet weigh him down like chains and it all creates for a messy flight.
Tango begins to cascade chaotically through the air, and then in a flash, the rockets slip from his sweaty, panicked grasp and shoot down towards the ocean.
He tries to swerve down and catch them, but he accidentally closes his elytra.
Air sprints around his skin as he falls, closer and closer to the deep blue of the ocean. Tears blur his vision even further and he can barely make out the shape of his rockets in the mess of color blobs.
I’m nothing…
I’m nothing worth remembering.
His body collides into the blue mass, making a loud crack that rings through the air around him as his bones break. He feels his arms and legs become jelly as splashes about in the water.
Thrashing, he loses less and less strength to fight back when his limbs begin to slowly become useless. None of his bones work, and suddenly he’s being propelled farther and farther into the ocean.
His vision becomes a dark, blurry child’s painting.
Am I just easily forgettable?
I thought I was managing to make myself important… worth remembering…
Maybe I’ve been kidding myself this entire time.
The ocean starts to shake. It’s odd.
He hears a voice as he feels himself rapidly move back and forth.
“Tango!”
It’s his name.
Maybe someone actually remembers me…
He closes his eyes tight, wishing for someone...anyone to know who he is.
And then he’s jolting awake.
His eyes dart around rapidly. He’s in his base, in the bed he awoke from not too long ago. Impulse is shaking him with wide, worried eyes.
Tango stares at him.
Impulse stops shaking him, his lips curling into a relieved smile.
“Are you okay? I woke up and you were unable to breathe, and you were crying and tossing and turning and I was so worried that you were going to run out of air-” He rushes out in a panic.
Without a second thought, Tango leans forward and wraps his arms around Impulse tightly.
“Did you forget me?” He whispers.
The other hugs back, “Of course not, how could I forget my best friend?”
He remembers me…
I haven’t been forgotten.
Tango sniffles, eyes watery, “I was dreaming? All of that… it didn’t happen for real right?”
It felt so real.
Impulse nods, “Not one bit. You’re here, at your base with me. I’m here and I remember you.”
‘I remember you.’
That’s a nice phrase.