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(Peppers POV)
Running my fingers through his sweaty hair, I whispered endless soft reassurances in his ear, “I’m right here, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere,” I promised him. I didn’t have to say the words ‘I promise’ to know he knows I swear it on my heart, on my grave if I need to.
He let out a shaky breath, looking up at me with tears still drip drip dripping down his face. I took my hand that had been in his hair, the other still wrapped around him, and wiped away his tears with my thumb, “hey, hey there Mr. Brown Eyes,” I kept my voice soft and soothing.
I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes
Though he did not tell me what triggered this panic attack, that didn’t matter right now. All we need is each other in this moment, everything else can wait, figuring out what triggered it, work for Stark Industries, Iron Man work, none of that matters right now.
Right now, my thumb still gingerly rubbing back and forth over his cheek is enough, looking into those chocolate eyes. Those eyes that have seen countless deaths, witnessed torture first hand, watched himself be poisoned to death, and yet still are capable of looking at me with so much more love than I ever thought possible. Who knew anyone could look at someone like this?
They've seen things you never quite say, but I hear
I pulled him close again, holding him to my chest so he could hear my heart, feel my breathing, “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” I held him like that until his breathing finally evened out, and my shirt was no longer getting wet with more tears. It was him who pulled back first, and before he could make an excuse that he’s just tired or that he’s fine, I asked, “do you want to talk about it?”
I could only hope he would say yes, that he would let himself open like a door and let me see every piece of him. I could only hope that he wouldn’t turn off the light, hoping the dark could hide his demons, as if the lack of light is not where they thrive.
His voice still raspy from crying, “I’m okay, Pep.”
Come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you
I put both my hands on his face, making him look me in the eyes and god I hope he can see that I have the same amount of love looking at him that he does when he looks at me. I let out a deep breath, “I know you’re not, and that’s okay,” I assured him. “Nothing you could say could make me want to go, could make me want to run away.”
He let out a sigh, looking much older than he is, “I don’t know, Pep,” he admitted, eyes still swimming in the pool of tears he keeps trying to blink back.
But I was quick to reassure him, “if you want to talk, I’m right here. I’ll listen to you forever if that’s what you need. Whatever you need, I’m right here.” I’ve never meant words so much, so deeply before.
And I'll stay there as long as you'll let me
…
(Peppers POV)
This time, when I woke up to him shifting restlessly in his sleep, letting out small whimpers and yelps, I knew to begin with reassurances. “I’m right here, honey. The nightmare will be over soon,” I assured him before trying to touch him. Touching him too suddenly will only make him wake up even more panicked, but talking, that’s soothing.
Laying a gentle hand on his shoulder, he still woke with a jolt, but did not try to fight me on instinct this time, and I quickly hushed him, running my hand over his arm, “hey, hey, I’m right here. You’re safe.”
He let out a shaky breath, running his hand over his face, “it’s okay, you can go back to sleep.” If our bedroom wasn’t still dark I’m sure he would have forced one of those paparazzi ready smiles at the end of his sentence.
I shook my head, even if he couldn’t see it, “no,” I denied softly, “I’m happy to stay up with you.”
Because you matter to me
He turned to me, “you need your sleep, that’s more important.” Uh uh uh, not more important. Sleep is important, yes, ironic how he says that when he’s lucky to sleep eight hours in a whole week, but not more important than him.
“Never more important than you,” I left no room for argument, using what Peter had called my ‘scary CEO voice’. “I’m happy to be here and comfort and listen and whatever you need. It’s called love, Tony.”
Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody
Instead of speaking, he just pulled me close, breathing me in. I ran my fingers through his hair like I know he loves, even if he doesn’t admit it.
You matter to me
I refrained from peppering kisses to his face and head, yes pun intended I know he’d be proud, while he focused on his breathing. Right now, he doesn’t need kisses he just needs to be held. He whispered so softly that if our bodies weren’t pressed together I’m sure I wouldn’t have heard it, “I’m not worth this…”
That is what got me to pull back, not enough to let go of him, but just enough for his coffee eyes to look into mine, “Tony Stark you are worth the world to me, and I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.”
I promise you do, you, you matter too
No matter how many times I need to reassure him that I’m here, I’m saying, I’m not sick of him, I'm not going to get sick of him, that he matters more to me than I could possibly describe, etc, I will never stop. I’ll tell him again and again, endlessly and infinitely if that’s what it takes. I’ll express my love to him every minute of every day if that’s what he needs in order to believe me.
I wish he could see that he matters not only to me but to Rhodey and Happy and god he mattered so much to Peter it wasn’t even funny. The world may not know the real him, but they still care in their crazy way. He matters just as much, maybe even more, than anyone and everyone else. And one day he’ll see, he’ll understand.
I promise you do, you'll see
Cuddling close, I whispered to him again and again how much he matters to me. I’m not sure if it was the gentle cuddles between the words, the reassurances, or running my fingers through his hair, but sooner than not he was dozing off.
You matter to me
…
(Tony’s POV)
I’m not sure what prompted it, or really why now out of all the times Pepper has asked me if I want to vent, but once I started I couldn’t shut up. “I’ll never deserve you.” No matter how many reassurances she tells me, I can’t convince my anxiety she’s right no matter what logic says. “I’m worthless.”
It's addictive the minute you let yourself think the things that I say just might matter to someone
Even when I know I’ve said too much, that I need to crack a joke to distract from the endless pain in me, I still keep opening up. “I’m scared you’ll leave too.” It’s like a crack in the ice, starts as a hairline fracture only letting drips of water out. And then grows and grows until the entire lake is broken open and everything beneath the ice is free to look at. Everything open and vulnerable. “I think it’s better to run away before they have the chance to leave you.”
All of this time I've been keeping my mind on the running away
She let me keep talking and talking until I talked myself out. Yes, even Tony Stark can talk himself out. And yet she still stayed, she didn’t say how disgusting I am, how screwed up I am, how worthless I am. Instead she told me how much she loves me, how she’s so incredibly proud of me for opening up. How she’s so proud that even when opening up failed in the past, that I could still trust now that the person on the other side would listen and pay attention this time.
And for the first time, I think I'd consider the stay
…
(Tony’s POV)
Laying out the new blue dress on the bed, I smoothed out all the nonexistent wrinkles instead of running my fingers nervously through my freshly gelled hair. Every single detail of the dress was exact to the original, except the sizing.
Because you matter to me
When my beautiful wife finally arrived, hand on her stomach, she let out a laugh, “honey, what is this?” She immediately walked over to bed to where her outfit for the night was laid out for her.
I could not help but smirk at her, “don't you remember the dress?” Though I knew she would never forget. Reaching out, she ran her fingers over the smooth material, before picking it up. My smirk morphed into a real smile when she realized the dress was made to fit her now, while pregnant.
She turned to me, holding the dress up in front of her, “you’re not going to try to guess your social security again, are you?” She giggled soft and light like rose petals in the air.
“Let’s save that for another night,” my grin did not falter.
Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody
Me in my overpriced suit, her in her dress fit perfectly to her new gorgeous body shape, we kept hand in hand. This time, when we danced we didn’t have that awkward distance between us like church kids following the bible length rule.
You matter to me
We were only a breath away from each other, we were so close that if I focused I could feel our baby kicking inside Pepper. Girl does seem to have the legs of a kickboxer, and yes I’m betting on the baby being a girl no matter how much Pep insists she thinks it’s a boy. Either way, of course we’ll love her it for always and eternity.
I promise you do, you, you matter too
“I love you,” I whispered for what must have been the three thousandth time, but I’ll say it three thousand more times, and another three thousand, and another until if I die.
I promise you do, you'll see
No matter how many times she and I dance, it’s always like the first time, in the best of ways.
You matter to me
…
(Tony’s POV)
Holding my delicate bundle in my arms, I quickly hushed her whines when I went to place her in her crib. Though her crib still sat proudly next to Pepper and I’d bed, it still made her feel miles away from us.
Dear baby
Though, I just could not help her a minute longer. Just one more minute. Maybe two.
Looking at Morgan’s soft face, seeing just how utterly… perfect she is, god I can’t let anyone hurt this child. No ones going to hurt her like they did me, the cycle of abuse and neglect ends here. No more abused Stark’s to add to the list. No ones going to belittle her, make her feel worthless, no, no one’s going to make her feel like a waste of space. No ones going to hit her until she’s crying too hard to call for help, no ones going to force her to do anything she doesn’t want to, especially when she’s too scared to say no.
I hope someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight
Some day, someone’s going to love her even more than Pepper and I, if that’s even possible. One day she’s going to be able to see she has a healthy relationship to take reference in, and recognize the love in their eyes as she sees when her parents look at each other, if she gets a partner.
They don't pull away, they don't look at your face
She’s going to know what real love is in every sense of the word. She’s going to know what healthy relationships look like whether she plans to have romantic ones or not. She’s going to know what it looks like to be there for someone, that even if you don’t know what to say you can still know how to listen.
And they don't try to kiss you
She is going to feel so loved it’s not even funny. She means the whole multiverse to me and to Pep. And she’s going to know she’s worth the whole multiverse. She’s going to know that she doesn’t need to give anyone anything, she doesn’t need to do anything or accomplish anything to be worth everything.
She is going to know what it’s like to feel loved even if she has nothing, even if no status or money or genius level intelligence, she’s worth all the love in the world and everything more.
All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight without an ounce of selfishness in it
My baby Morgan, I hope you fall in love with the way people love. I hope you fall in love with everything pure and good.
I hope you become addicted, baby
I hope you find someone like Pepper who will actively listen for hours on end without being distracted or doze off, who will listen to you for eternity if that’s what it takes.
I hope you become addicted to sayin' things
I hope you grow to know how much you matter, how everything you have to say matters.
And having them matter to someone
…
(Third person POV)
Laying in their bed, Morgan sleeping soundly in between their bodies, they didn’t need to voice a word to say a million things all at once.
You matter to me
They did not need oversized plush bunnies or ironic trophies, they just needed each other. They just needed to be there for each other, and that’s enough.
Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody
Just being there, that can say more than a million words ever could.
You matter to me
…
(Third person POV)
He kissed her on the head, pulling her close.
I promise you do
And she did not hesitate to hold him right back, after a kiss on the cheek of course.
Come out of hiding I'm right here beside you
He did not need to speak the words for her to hear him.
You, you matter too
She traced promises over his skin with her fingers, breathing out a silent ‘I’m here‘ and ‘I’m staying’ into him.
As long as you'll have me
He could have and would have stayed there forever if she asked him too.
I promise you do
And for that very reason, she knew she didn’t have to ask.
I do, promise you do
With every breath it was like a vow to her.
You matter to me
And she vowed right back.
You matter to me
…
(Third person POV)
You'll see
And they can both see, like wearing glasses for the first time.
You matter to me