Chapter Text
It all came to an end.
Black Mesa was finally just a horrible nightmare and no longer a haunting reality. Losing his hand, the clones, the fight with Benrey, it was all over. All left behind after the party ended.
Gordon was anxious the whole time, his mind asking if he was even in the same reality as he used to live in. Tommy assured him that it was all back to ,,normal". As normal as you could get with his life. They all said their goodbyes, after who knows how long, and split their ways after promising to keep in touch. Tommy went with his dad and Sunkist, all of them disappearing inside a black limousine , Dr. Coomer held Bubbys hand as he started to lead the way to his house, and Gordon... went with the skeleton.
He saw it in the corners of his vision. It switfly shuffled along with him, bones knocking against eachother, slowly breaking and contorting into hard spike like appendages. He didn't have it in him to turn around and face it. He also had no clue why of all the science team he was the one that it fallowed. His luck from Black Mesa still seemed to hold onto him. Gordon walked faster when he would start to see the skeleton more clearly, it would then turn it's skull towards him, burning holes into Gordons head with its stare, and then thankfully slow down, seemingly getting the message.
That countinued until they started to get closer to Gordons neighborhood. He then stopped and shivered as he heard the skeleton, scraped bones coming to a stop few meters behind him filling the empty street with silence. Just the fact that it was waiting for his next move made hair at the back off Gordons neck stand. He thought only for a second before running as fast as he could, taking more complex shortcuts to lose the skeleton. His muscles ached from all the workout they had to go thru in the past few days but the adrenalin kept him light on his feet. Gordon rushed up towards the building he lived in, stopping at the huge metal fence that separated it from the street. He grabbed the handle to open the fence and quickly looked behind him. A sob pushed its way out of his lungs as the skeleton was nowhere to be seen. Pushing the fence open he walked towards the broken down building, not caring to close the gate behind him. The walls had dents in them from the parts falling away of old age, handles at the main door were worn down with clear signs of daily usage. He climed up the dusty stairs, his footsteps echoed thru the halls. The silence started to bore into his being. There was always noise in Black Mesa, some machines humming, voices far away but still too close for liking. The silence was... just weird. Gordon stopped at the third floor and begged that noone will be awake at this time to see him. Hell, he only knew that it had to be late because of the moon that shined thru the clouds. He pushed forward until he found a long hallway filled with doors. His legs almost gave out underneath him as he walked towards the back off the hallway, counting his luck as he crouched down in front of the last door and reached under the doormat.
Gordon almost forgot how his appartment looked after all that time in Black Mesa. He stepped inside, his foot crushing letters that were laying on his floor for God knows how long, and sharply closed the door behing him. Pictureframes shook gently from the impact, threatening to fall.
He was home.
Actually home. Not in a dorm at that cursed facility.
He thanked his past self for leaving a spare key under the doormat. If it wouldn't be there, he would have to break the door down and he wasn't really in the mood to deal with his neighbors. His hand blindly searched for the light switch, bumping into something and knocking it onto the ground. He let out a hiss as he heard it break. Judging from the noise it made he knew he had glass peaces all over his floor. Great. Gordon found the light switch and begged whatever was listening to him that he won't see the skeleton inside here, or a stupid clone, or... Benrey. He shook his head at his own stupidity and turned on the light.
A disheveled looking room welcomed him, pizza boxes laying on the kitchen counter along with some more letters, one of them being completly red with the same mark that he had on his HEV suit. A controller covered with dust layed on his grey couch that was in front of a small coffee table and his TV. Normally he would make a disgusted face and comment about his nasty habbits, but after all that happened this felt like heaven. His feet carried him more into his appartment as he almost ran to his bathroom.
Gordon locked himself in, gripped the sides of his sink and looked into the mirror. He looked worse than he thought. His hands started to pull at the HEV suit, unclasping and realising him from that God forsaken prison. Stripping completly, he pushed himself inside his shower, the HEV suit peaces laying all over the floor.
He stayed in there for a long time, letting the water wash away all the grime and relax his tense muscles. His breath caught in his throat as he stared down. Red collored water filled the drain, continuing for much longer than Gordon wanted. He forced himself to stop staring as he felt all the junk food he ate at the patry rush towards his throat, occupying himself instead with ripping his hair tie off and struggling with his messy, tied together hair. He closed his eyes and let his thoughts roam free as he tried to collect himself after all that happened.
Ok, great.
First things first, he was still alive, he had his hand back, he was... Safe? Some of what safe.
He still felt paranoid after all that time being haunted and something in him didn't want to let go of the thought that someone was still following him. Hell, he might just walk out of the bathroom and see the skeleton sitting there, just waiting to rush up to him and dig its sharp fingers into his skin and tear it, piece by piece. Little by little until his own bones would start to show thru the ripped flesh.
Gordon tugged at his hair and swore, almost banging his head on the wall as his paranoia got the better of him.
What if he will not see the skeleton, just a bright and safe looking room. Nothing out of the ordinary, his own house. He would just think everything is fine, but no. It never fucking is, and it's all because of him. He got him paranoid, he got him scared now. Gordon didn't care that one time he got to see the guy act normal, that he shared a nice moment with him. Because of him Gordon would have to go to therapy now, and how the hell do you explain what happened in Black Mesa without being taken in as an insane person. Gordon at this point had no clue if he was voicing his complains out loud untill he started to get lightheaded.
He coughed and quickly pulled away from the shower spray, rubbing his eyes and trying to catch his breath.
"Fucking piece of shit”, he uttered between coughs. Did he really almost drown himself out of anger?"Benrey...”
He opened his eyes and quickly scouted out the area near him, hoping that noone saw the embarrassing thing he just did. Gordon let out a shuddering breath only to look down at his hands coated with blood.
Wait, blood?!
Bits of bodies were lying on the floor replacing the HEV suit parts that he roughly threw there. Tiles were covered in blood. He rubbed his eyes again trying to snap out of it only to open them and be back at Black Mesa.
First thing he realized is that this wasn't his body. He wasn't in a body at all, just... sort of floating. He heard a conversation happening below him, but nothing could prepare him for seeing himself standing there. Right in front of the room that he hoped he would never have to see again.
"Wanna go in?”
He did not...
"Please?”
He is living thru this hell again. Science team was standing around him with Benrey and Bubby at the entrance to the room. Gordon saw his past self walking into that cursed room and he wanted to scream. He quickly found out that he couldn't turn around, he couldn't look away. As the lights went out he shut his eyes as hard as he could and fought againts whatever was holding him. He choked out a broken sound as the screaming started. He could hear everything...
The knife hitting a bone and with great force slashing thru it. The horrified yelp that came from Tommy and slowly morphed into sobbing as Dr. Coomer tried calming him down. Both Bubbys and Benreys surprised voices.
Humming.
...
He doesn't remember humming.
Gordon cautiously opened his eyes as the low voice drowned out his pain filled screaming. He looked out into the darkness that has consumed, frantically looking for the source of the noise. His eyes started to close on their own as he fought againts it. Right before he passed out he saw a pair of cold, blue eyes staring at him, right at his soul.
"Doctor Freeman~”
He gasped as his eyes shot open. He was sitting down, warm water spraying his head. Back at his house. The pathetic sounds pushed their way out of his throat before he could stop them. Christ. He moved his right hand. Clench, unclench, clench... He couldn't tell how much time he spend in his shower, mumbling gibberish that sounded more and more like a cry for help, half laying in there on the floor and letting all the surpressed emotions go. He must have passed out. Explainable enough, right?
Gordon turned off the water when it finally let go of its red colour and pulled himself up, already felling a headache coming from all the weeping. He was still crying when he looked at himself in the mirror again.
His eyes were slightly red making his green eyes look like they were glowing. The bags under his eyes had darkened and made his eyes look sunken. His cheek were red and his cheek bones were showing much more than he remembered. He brought up his right hand and gently grasped it with his left one. His thumb trailed across a scar that left an almost white mark around his wrist.
"I- I'm going to fucking lose my... my mind”, Gordon mumbled, his voice hoarse from his earlier vocalizations. He clenched his right hand again and shivered."Therapy will not fix any of this. Goddamn beyond repair”.
He dressed himself in the clothes from his loundry basket. Much rather smell like sweat than blood. He left the HEV suit behind, kicking a small part of it out of the bathroom as it got in his way. He thought about going to sleep on his bed, but that seemed way to far away right now. Couch would be just fine. He laid down, groaning from the sudden comfort of something soft. Much better than the floor at Black Mesa. For the first time in a while he finally fell asleep knowing that he doesn't have to fight for his life again.
Probably.