Chapter Text
A harsh wind makes Asahi curl in on himself as he walks to the bus stop, his jacket no longer providing enough to protect him from the cold. He stares into the quickly darkening sky, stars becoming clearer by the minute, and blows out a visible cloud of air. Another chill ghosts over Asahi’s body, and he shivers.
He wishes he dressed warmer.
The bus stop is near, and in the distance he sees the familiar headlights of the bus, itself, and so he hurries in trying to get to the station. Maybe going faster will make him warmer, who knows.
That doesn’t happen, but luckily, he doesn’t have to wait too long for the large bus to roll up in front of the small crowd of people waiting for it. He follows everyone else in front of him, even allowing a couple people that had been walking just behind him cut in front. He doesn’t want to say anything to make anyone upset.
It isn’t like he minds anyways, and he still gets on the bus all the same. He takes up an empty spot where no one is sitting around him, and moves his headphones to cover his red, chilly ears. It’s so much nicer inside the transport, and he feels himself relax into the comforting temperature. His eyes stay wandering over the passing scenery of the busy city and he breathes in time with the beat of his music.
It’s like any other night of Asahi peacefully getting home.
Mostly.
He gets a text. Now that’s not unusual, as he has some friends, but it’s also not a very likely thing to happen. He brings his phone out of his pocket with reddened fingers, and stares in shock at the contact name. Someone he hasn’t spoke to in months at least.
Sawamura Daichi, it reads. That name alone cuts Asahi’s breath short.
He doesn’t hate Daichi, in fact, when they were graduating, he and Daichi were very good friends, and had been for years. But Daichi’s name was associated with volleyball. He hadn’t played in years. Any time Daichi spoke to him, volleyball was always a topic brought up.
Volleyball wasn’t a bad thing. He liked it.
But volleyball meant Nishinoya.
Noya had a bad memory attached.
Before Asahi’s head tries to painfully stroll down memory lane, Asahi opens up the message.
Daichi: Hey! Are you busy on May 10th?
No, he isn’t busy. He’s never busy anymore. He has quite a boring life, between his office job and literally nothing else. Sure, he has a cat and goes to the gym here and there. But besides those two other things, Asahi is pretty damn lonely and available.
He types up a nervous response.
Asahi: I don’t think I am, why do you ask?
That’s not too formal, is it?
Asahi deletes the message, and rewords it.
Asahi: I doubt it, why?
Is that too harsh?
It doesn’t matter, because Asahi’s trembling finger slips and hits send. He flinches when he realizes what he’s done, but he releases a breath of defeat when he knows there’s nothing he can do about it. He waits for Daichi’s three dots to turn into a real message, his heart thumping in his stomach as he does.
Daichi: We’re throwing a seven year reunion for the team! Everyone’s out of school, and we figured it had been long enough, so we planned a date, and everyone seems to be good with it. You in?
Asahi pauses when he finishes reading the text.
Then he rereads it.
Then he rereads it again.
And again.
And again.
His eyes stop at the words “everyone seems to be good with it”, but they really just stick at “everyone”.
Everyone?
Everyone, as in, Nishinoya?
Asahi flushes as nerves gather in his gut, anxiety crashing heavy on him at the thought of seeing his sort-of-ex. He hasn’t seen Noya in years.
He feels sick all of a sudden, and the idea of talking with Noya after all these years makes his head spin. What would he even say? Would he apologize? What—
Daichi: Noya will be there, are you okay with that?
Oh, right, he hasn’t answered. And Daichi is still able to read him like a magazine without even seeing him.
He pulls together the courage to answer.
Asahi: Yeah, I’m probably good then. And I’m okay, I’m over it. It’s been years, y’know :P
He’s spitting obvious bullshit, and if there’s anyone to call him out on it, it’s Daichi. But, he supposes that if he tries to convince others that he’s okay, he’ll be able to fake it enough to convince himself as well. It had been years, after all. Although, he hasn’t been in a real relationship since his feelings for the libero, and the only one he got in was with another short guy from college that seriously reminded Asahi of the younger volleyball player. That didn’t last long though.
Daichi: Okay, just making sure, and it’ll probably be in the old gym, so you might want to bring some athletic clothes in case we decide to hit the ball around for old times’ sake! :)
Daichi’s message puts a half smile on Asahi’s face, and then some anxious nerves jump in his belly when he remembers he hasn’t played volleyball in years. He did a little in college, but it was mostly recreational and in local clubs or sometimes just beach tournaments. He stopped playing by junior year in college, and it became a mere memory by then. It reminded him too much of Noya, and it distracted him.
Asahi shakes his head to stop thinking too hard. He’ll have to get the okay from his boss, but he’s not too worried about that. No, he’s still worried about seeing Noya.
He tries to shut his thoughts down so he doesn’t continue dwelling on the small fling he and the younger boy shared, but everything comes back all too quickly.
•
“Asahi-san!” He hears his crush call from behind him. Asahi turns around, and so do a couple strangers nearby, to see a bright smiling teen running full speed at him. He smiles, albeit nervous that Noya might decide to hurl his whole body weight at Asahi with full faith that Asahi won’t let him fall.
Wouldn’t be the first time.
However, much to Asahi’s relief, Noya only engulfs him in a tight hug around his low middle, and Asahi feels his heart swell before he returns it.
“Hey, Noya,” he says as Noya beams up at him. “Did you take the bus?”
“Nah, I biked,” Noya grins. “I’d get too antsy on the bus.” If he had taken maybe two seconds to look at Noya he might’ve noticed, but he realizes after Noya says anything.
Noya is sweaty as hell, with dark pit stains and another large sweat stain around his neck. Additionally, his hair is slicked by his skin and his breath is hot and shallow. His chest heaves noticeably, and his face is flush pink.
Asahi continues his path, although he has pulled his hand from his pocket to lace his fingers with his counterpart’s slightly sweaty palm, and he’s smiling warmly at the shorter boy.
“Ah,” he nods. “That explains why you look like you just worked out.” Noya uses a dry part of his shirt to wipe off the dampness on his forehead, but spares a glance to Asahi that makes his ears go red.
“I’m not completely worn out, y’know. I wouldn’t mind getting a little sweatier before tonight.” The tall teen tenses up as Noya smirks at him, and he forces himself to break eye contact in fear of turning into a fucking tomato.
“Noya,” Asahi whimpers. “You can’t say stuff like that in public.” However, this dance never ends in Asahi’s favor, and this one proves to be all the same when Noya moves his hand from Asahi’s down to the small of Asahi’s back.
“You mean you’d like to take this somewhere private?” Noya teases. Asahi rubs a hand over his heated face, mostly trying to hide the overwhelming blush. He flusters so easily and Noya knows.
Thankfully, Asahi’s house isn’t much further, and Noya’s eager horniness pushes Asahi to go a bit faster than normal.
•
The room is near silent, save for the sound of Asahi’s fingers gently combing through Noya’s hair and Noya drawing thoughtless patterns across Asahi’s bare chest.
Asahi always finds it slightly funny after he and Noya screw that Noya quiets down immensely, going from chatting about practically any thought on his mind to maybe whispering soft words into Asahi’s skin. Usually ones of praise, followed by Asahi’s own praise of Noya in return.
Although, he can’t exactly blame Noya. After all, even Asahi knows that Noya blabbers during sex loud and shamelessly. The libero begs, moans, whines, yelps, and cries. Don’t even get Asahi started about Noya coming. He practically yells for Asahi to go as hard as he can. Asahi is a bit quieter, but he knows he feels almost the same amount of pleasure. Listening to Noya go on and on helps get him off, if he’s really honest.
What? Begging is pretty fucking hot.
Nonetheless, Noya is peacefully curled into Asahi’s side as they come down from their blissed out orgasm highs, and Asahi plants a soft kiss to the top of his lover’s head.
“Asahi-san?” Noya asks, and Asahi muses him with a small grunt. “Are you nervous about not going to school together next year?”
Asahi’s fingers stop in Noya’s hair, as he hasn’t heard Noya ask about that kind of thing, ever really.
Always a first for everything, he supposes.
“Not really,” he finally says, resuming combing through his lover’s strands. However, he can tell the shorter boy is still obviously thinking hard about it. “I don’t exactly worry about what we have. I trust us to stay together.”
“But how can we stay together if we’re not even really together?” Noya sits up and looks back at Asahi, the question clearly sitting on his chest for much too long.
“Noya, you know I’m not out to my parents yet,” Asahi almost pleads. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
That hits something inside Noya, from the way his expression tightens up with a few more unassured fears.
Asahi isn’t exactly out at all. Daichi and Suga know, and obviously so does Noya, but most of the volleyball team is unaware, and so are most of his other friends. It’s scary after all.
But Noya is very excited to finally spill to everyone that they’re ‘dating’. But they aren’t really. It’s just a little fling, a little crush, Asahi supposes. He’s hoping he can finally say one day that he’s dating Noya, but he doubts it will come soon.
And he knows Noya isn’t very happy with that. He’s been patient for a while, but now he feels...
“Do you even want people to know you’re dating me?” Noya looks hurt. “And I don’t mean dating a boy, I mean dating me. You aren’t ashamed of me, are you?” Asahi feels the misunderstanding go straight to his heart, and he quickly moves to take Noya’s hand in his own.
“No, no, it’s not that, Noya,” he assures him as best he can. “I’m just not ready.” That doesn’t do much, and he sees the new onslaught of emotion that comes over Noya’s face.
“Well, Asahi, you haven’t been ready for several months now, but we’re still doing this. When do I get to shout it from the rooftops?” Noya counters, then he shakes his head. “And I don’t mean to sound selfish, Asahi, I really don’t. I want you to be ready, but I’m just scared you don’t want people to know about me, specifically. I feel like we wouldn’t have this problem if I just... wasn’t me.”
Asahi feels his heart hammer in his chest because no, that’s not it, he loves Noya for who he is, and he doesn’t want to do this with anyone else and he loves being around Noya.
“It’s not you! I do love you, Noya, so much, but I’m just... I’m scared of what my parents might say.”
Noya pulls his hands from Asahi’s. Asahi feels his heart stop.
“How do I know you love me,” he swallows, “if you won’t tell anyone about us?” There’s a thick sadness heavy in his tone, and Asahi sees it with his own eyes as a tear rolls down Noya’s cheek.
“I love you, Asahi,” Noya speaks in such a heartfelt tone that Asahi feels his own heart shattering. His voice, it’s not a assuring statement. “But I feel like you’re ashamed of me. And I know this will be hard, but when you’re ready for everyone to know about us, let me know.”
Noya gets off the bed, pulling his clothes from off the floor to begin putting them back on.
“Until then...”
Asahi’s heart is thundering so hard in his ribs, he’s sure Noya can hear it from across the room. Noya glances back at Asahi, and wipes a tear from his eye.
“I think we aren’t ready to be together.”
A breath stutters out from Asahi’s lips, but as he tries to say something—anything—to get Noya to stay, Noya turns around, and leaves.
The door shutting is what finally pulls Asahi from the frozen posture he’d been stuck in.
He jumps off his bed and throws on random pieces of clothing from his closet and off the floor. He’s tugging his pants on his legs as he hops out of the room, and sees Noya closing the front door.
He rushes down the stairs, and calls out to him on the sidewalk.
Noya turns, eyes red and betrayed.
He feels speechless. His heart is in his throat, but he can’t say the words he needs to. What would he even say?
“Noya, I...” he trails off, and a terror inside him grows as Noya looks away from him.
“Goodbye, Asahi,” he says, voice shaking.
That’s what makes Asahi crumble.
•
It took Asahi another two years to finally come out to his parents, but by then, Noya was just an old lover. Asahi would be lying if he said he didn’t come out to his parents with the hope that maybe he and Noya would get together again, but he knew it was hopeless in the long run. He had no idea what Noya had even been up to in the past few years, besides hearing bits and pieces from old friends. He knew he went to a pretty good college on a volleyball scholarship—unsurprising to Asahi—but that was mostly it. He hadn’t spoken to the libero in so long.
After their split, Asahi cried for weeks.
He and Noya hadn’t even been ‘together’ a year, but he and Noya had such a special bond that Asahi knew he was going to be troubled for some time.
He forced himself to get over Noya in college, and as hard as it was, he did it. Noya became an after thought, or something he wouldn’t think of on a regular basis. It wasn’t much, but it was progress.
But now this.
He’ll see Noya again.
So many emotions come back, but thinking about all of them makes Asahi sick. Won’t it be better if he just doesn’t think about it?
That’s advice Noya gave to him a bit. If something is stressing him out, and it’s almost completely out of his control, like having to play an especially difficult team, the most he can do is acknowledge it, and prepare himself as best he can. Dwelling and freaking out won’t solve any problems.
So Asahi takes a deep breath, and gets ready to finish up his night, knowing that he can’t stop the reunion from coming, and that he might as well look forward to seeing everyone again.
But as he gets into bed for the night, he can’t help reminiscing what might’ve been between him and Noya had he just gathered the guts to come out.
He always was such a fucking coward.
———
“See you tomorrow, you bastard!” Noya shouts to his friend as his shift ends. His friend waves back at him, calling something in return that Noya doesn’t entirely catch.
He hops on his motorcycle and fastens his helmet, revving up the engine thoughtlessly. The wind bristles past him, but he doesn’t feel it through the layers he has on. He does appreciate the busy scenery of the city as he rides down the streets, watching lampposts pass and restaurant signs flicker with age.
Noya fixed up the bike between his legs in his sophomore year of college. He loves the thing, and he’s been through a lot with it. The seat has an imprint from him which makes it comfier to sit in, and he designed the sides to have tasteful yellow lightning strips against black, a theme he took up in high school. He even added little bolts to his helmet.
As Noya comes up to a stop light, he glances to the side and sees a pretty lady who catches his eye for a moment. Noya does a little flirty tip of his fingers, and the woman laughs as she accelerates through the green light. It’s never worked for him, but he does enjoy doing it to people passing by. His mind is relatively blank, and as he arrives at his apartment, he feels a buzz in his pocket that he assumes is a coworker asking for a favor.
Noya pulls his phone out, but freezes when he sees the contact.
sawamura DADchi
He’s a bit shocked, but he opens the message eagerly, wanting to see what the old friend has to say.
DADchi: Hey! Are you busy May 10th?
Noya doesn’t think he is busy. He goes drinking with his buddies every so often, but he can always cancel. It’s just drinks.
He responds quickly.
Nishinoya: nope!! what’d u have in mind????
His hand mindlessly opens his front door, and his instinct immediately greets his ferret.
“Yori! Where’s my little rascal?” The ferret is busy in her little area, but she still acknowledges Noya and gets excited as he approaches.
“Someone happy to see me?” Noya grins as the ferret giddily waits for him to open the door for her to jump up on him, and when he finally does, Yori is running up all over his arms and over his body.
Noya got Yori a while back. Yori is great company, and just as wild as he is, so he takes her out a lot to parks, on runs, and generally to wherever he feels like going for the day. Just not work.
Noya feels a buzz in his pocket.
DADchi: The volleyball team is having a seven year reunion! We’re all out of school, and almost everyone seems to be available—can I count you in?
Noya’s smile falls. He knows what everyone means.
Nishinoya: sounds great! but almost everyone?
That’s vague enough, right?
DADchi: Well, I haven’t gotten the okay from Kinoshita or Asahi yet, but everyone else seems to be good!
DADchi: Will you be okay if Asahi comes?
Noya feels a prick in his eye, but he shakes his head and takes a breath. He won’t allow the guilt to break him.
Nishinoya: i’m fine!!! can’t wait to see everyone again!!!! :D
But as Noya presses send, he sniffles.
DADchi: Don’t forget volleyball clothes in case we start a game! It’ll be in the same gym!
Noya reads the message, tries to press a smile to his face, but ultimately breaks down into tears.
If only he wasn’t such a selfish prick.