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The only light they had was from the TV mounted on the opposite wall with the volume turned down low. TK much preferred the view of his boyfriend’s skin than whatever could be playing on the screen. He had a hand around the back of Carlos’s neck and his tongue was happily sweeping against the roof of the latino’s mouth to make the other man shiver pleasantly. It was early enough that they could spend some quality time together before it was time for bed. His hand slowly moved lower to slip underneath Carlos’s shirt to stroke the soft, toned skin of his stomach when their kiss was gently broken unexpectedly and Carlos was looking at him apologetically.
“Sorry, Carino,” He said softly with one last peck to his lips. “I’m really sore from my shift today. I think I’m going to take something for it and head to bed.”
He was gone before TK could think about protesting. He sat on the couch a bit dumbfounded and unable to process how weird that was. Carlos had been up to taking himi apart when he had three broken ribs a few months ago and now with some muscle aches he was cutting them off before things could really start to heat up? TK understood, but he still thought it was pretty strange behavior. He moodily went back to watching the show playing on TV, the dismissal still rubbing him the wrong way even though it hadn’t been meant to sting. It wasn’t until a commercial played with someone featured that looked a lot like Alex that he figured out why this was bothering him so much.
He’d seen this before and it had taken him a minute to realize.
This is what Alex had done for months to him before the failed proposal. The entire time he was cheating he found any excuse possible to slip away from him when they became intimate. It was always something believable enough that he couldn’t argue, but still rather strange. He was put aside and dismissed until Alex had no choice but to get rid of him in pieces. It made his blood freeze when he realized and something heavy settled on his chest. Alex had been the reason for his overdose. He had almost died. He couldn’t survive that kind of pain again. It had left him empty for months and he was barely starting to truly be himself.
The mere thought of having that kind of pain again made his breathing quicken.
He felt absolutely ridiculous at the tears slipping down his cheeks. He knew this wasn’t like last time. Carlos would never even think about cheating on him. Their relationship was true, real and steady. TK was falling in love again and this time he was completely safe with Carlos holding his heart. He was being awful for even thinking this was the same thing.
Then again, hadn’t he thought the same thing when Alex pulled away?
~~
“Are we really back to this, Strand?” Judd’s voice rang out across the locker room and this was really the worst day he could have picked to start a fight. Carlos had been avoiding him for a week now and his paranoia was getting the best of him and he was so damn angry. He was angry at himself for once again being too afraid to just ask Carlos if he was cheating, and he was angry at the world for having this happen yet again. Why couldn’t he just be happy? Why was that too much to ask?
“Get off my back,” TK snapped in return as he shoved his gear into his locker. He wanted to be grateful the shift was almost over, but then he had to go home and face Carlos’s weird behavior and have his mind run wild at the possibilities. His mind had decided Carlos was cheating on him the way Alex had before, but he had no proof in the slightest. Carlos never went anywhere besides the police station and home as far as he knew. Except one night last week he had gone out with Michelle to that same gay club they had taken Paul to drink and have a good time. TK had had no problem letting Carlos let off some steam with his boyfriend while he was waiting at home with aspirin and a glass of water before tucking a drunk Carlos into bed. Was that when Carlos had slept with someone else? DId he want a guy he could go out and have fun with instead of a guy riddled with problems that couldn’t take a sip of alcohol?
“I’ll get off your back when you get it through your thick skull how to follow an order,” Judd folded his arms across his chest with a mixture of disappointment and anger on his face. TK knew he had a tendency to take much greater risks when his mental health was suffering and this week he was finding it hard to deal with anything. He was so scared Carlos was cheating, or had cheated, that he wasn’t sleeping and therefore had been having panic attacks all week. He was exhausted and missed when everything was peaceful in his small world. He had run into a fire against a direct order from Judd, and then his dad as well. The building hadn’t been stable and TK had gone in anyways to save the last civilian inside. It had been a heroic act, but also a very stupid one that had ignored orders. “You could have been killed!”
“Well, if I had then you wouldn’t have to put up with someone not listening to you.” TK knew that Judd was still suffering silently with his own problems and his offhand comment about dying on a call was a low blow, but he couldn’t find the energy to care.
“Man, come on,” Judd pleaded with him. “Don’t be like that. We are just looking out for you. I know you knew that building was compromised. I wasn’t telling you anything you didn’t already know. Why would you run into something like that? I thought you were past the stage of being a spoiled brat.”
TK had to fight against a sob at the light jab that really meant nothing. He knew he had started this fight and that Judd’s comment was only out of frustration and not of any true malice. Alex had called him a brat when they would fight constantly. He always teased him for his dad spoiling him and being his favorite back in New York. There had just been too many reminders of Alex’s manipulative behavior this week and this was one jab he couldn’t stomach.
“Kid, talk to me,” Judd’s voice was much softer now as a hand came to his shoulder to stop his path to the showers. “What’s going on, little brother? You’ve been off all week.”
“I think Carlos is cheating on me,” TK broke down and told the first person other than himself what he was terrified of. “He’s been acting weird and pushing me away all week long. This is how my ex acted for months before he told me he found someone else. I can’t go through it again. I can’t handle it.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Judd brought him into a light hug when it was obvious TK’s insubordination was more out of upset than anything. “Carlos would never cheat on you, I mean that. He’s not that kind of guy. He’s crazy about you.”
“I thought that about Alex too,” TK said miserably as he swiped at his eyes and sniffed a few times. The truth was he would survive Carlos cheating on him, but that kind of pain terrified him.
“He knows he’d be castrated between your Dad and I if he even thought about cheating on you, kiddo,” Judd teased with a ruffle of his hair. When TK glanced up he saw the other man’s eyes filled with sympathy and compassion. “We’ve got your back no matter what, but I really don’t think he would ever even think about it.”
“I’m sorry about today,” TK muttered with his cheeks heating up. “I act stupid when I have personal shit going on. It’s a thing that I’m not exactly proud of.”
“You’ll make me grey before I’m forty I swear,” Judd patted him on the back a few times before giving his shoulder a squeeze and letting TK get on with his shower before he would head home. He really had to talk to Carlos before things got out of hand more than they already had. He knew the conversation wouldn’t change whatever the truth was. Who didn’t love living in ignorance sometimes though?
~~~
TK had had the day off and he spent the whole thing pacing around Carlos’s house and psyching himself up for a conversation that made his stomach disappear. He had to do it tonight and get it over with. His stuff was already packed up, what little he had acquired over the last few months, and if the case was Carlos had found someone out he would calmly walk out and pick himself up again. He would not tear himself apart if the worst case scenario was true. His dad still needed him around and that would have to be enough to keep him strong.
The headlights swept across the front window and TK sat on the couch with his knee jiggling impatiently as he waited for Carlos to come inside. He ached for the days when those headlights had him stripping his clothes with a smirk on his face. It had been ten long days since Carlos had hinted at wanting anything more than a few kisses from him. Their whole relationship wasn’t about sex, but TK definitely felt closer being physically intimate with a partner.
“TK?” Carlos closed the front door with a fond smile and took off his shoes. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve had a long day and seeing you has made everything else worth it honestly. Want to order some dinner?”
“Yeah, our usual pizza?” TK was glad for the distraction when the sight of Carlos made his throat tighten. It was one thing to think of the most amazing man he knew cheating, but seeing those kind eyes and imagining them looking at anyone else the same way had his heart breaking.
“You alright?” Carlos’s voice softened and of course the world’s best boyfriend would know when he wasn’t okay. He couldn’t take the kindness right now. If Carlos was going to break his heart then he needed to just get it over with.
“Are you cheating on me?” TK’s voice shook horribly as he finally got out the question that had been bothering him for over a week. He was proud he held his tears back as they instinctively wanted to fall.
“What? Am I what?” Carlos’s look of shock seemed genuine enough and suddenly TK was thrown back to when he had accused Alex of the same and the waves of anger that followed. Turns out he was right in the end, but he was afraid he had made Carlos angry at the accusation of something so horrible. Could he ever understand that he was being judged by another man who had wronged him? Did Carlos understand that TK was still barely held together with tape and glue after putting himself back together?
“I’m sorry,’ TK mumbled. “I’m being stupid.”
“Hey, love, look at me,” Carlos’s hand came to cup his cheek as he forced their eyes to meet. This time he couldn’t hold the tears back. “I am so sorry for whatever I did to make you think that. I would never do that to you.”
“You haven’t wanted to be with me for ten days,” TK said shyly as he nuzzled the hand on his cheek.
Whatever reaction he expected it wasn’t for Carlos to turn the darkest shade of red he had ever seen and start swearing in Spanish under his breath.
“Carlos?” TK was confused now and wondered what was actually going on. That reaction wasn’t one of guilt so maybe his fears were as unfounded as Judd had told him they were. Maybe his anxiety bran was thankfully wrong this time and had blown all of this out of proportion.
“Dios mio,” Carlos muttered as he stripped off his shirt slowly and TK couldn’t miss the wince when he did so. “I did this and I was too embarrassed to show you until it was healed.”
TK followed the vague gesture to his boyfriend’s chest and couldn’t miss the red and inflamed skin there. He looked closer and saw a shimmer of silver and realized a ring was framing Carlos’s right nipple. A fucking ring was sitting right there and had been the reason for so much grief. One barely suppressed giggle was all it took before TK was laughing harder than he had in weeks and having to lean on the back of the couch to keep him upright. The red deepened on Carlos’s cheeks as his boyfriend crossed his arms and looked away.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” TK gasped out as he tried to reign in his laughter and try to figure out what was going on. “When the hell did that happen?”
“The night I went drinking with Michelle,” Carlos muttered “Drunk me is a complete idiot and thought this was a good idea. I thought you might hate it, but I didn’t take it out in case you liked it but then I wanted it to look better before I showed it to you.” Carlos sighed a long suffering sigh before his brow furrowed and he looked at TK with a level look. “Why would you ever think I was cheating?”
“It’s what my ex did,” TK replied, his mood sobering as quickly as it had broken down in laughter. “When he was two timing me he pushed me away for weeks before that and called me crazy when I mentioned something was wrong. I’m sorry I assumed the worst.”
“I’m so sorry,” Carlos came close, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “That must have been awful for you.”
“Work hasn’t loved me this week.” TK grinned at him and felt the tension that had gathered in his stomach finally leave. He happily wrapped his arms around Carlos’s waist and looked thoughtfully at the piercing next to his line of sight. “I think drunk Carlos has some pretty good ideas. The piercing suits you.”
“That’s all that matters is what you think.” Carlos hugged him tightly and TK surged onto his toes to kiss Carlos deeply like he hadn’t had a chance to all week.
“We can have some real fun with that,” TK whispered against Carlos’s lips as he led him back to the bedroom. He was planning some pleasurable torture for the week he had just endured due to a tiny piece of metal.