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A strange look came across Merlin’s face when they reached the top of the hill. He stared out over the valley, his hands in his pockets, his throat flexing as he swallowed again and again, shoulders very, very still. His lips were pulled back slightly like he was on the verge of saying something or crying out.
The land spilled out below them for miles and miles, tumbling hills and tracks and moss. Bracken ran alongside heather skirting its way around sheep and boulders, the river was hidden by trees at the bottom of the valley. They were high enough that sunlight came pouring out both above and below the clouds bringing dark rain that would splatter and slide its way across their hoods, sticking straggly strands of hair to their foreheads, covering up the glasses Arthur refused to wear around everyone except Merlin. It would make the leave heavy and shining, turn the soil slippery and dense, keep the land and the earth moving onwards, growing upwards. It was beautiful; all of it, every bit of being that flicked at Arthur’s cheeks and the end of his nose, nipping until he was smiling with his soul and alive.
But he couldn’t smile when Merlin looked like that.
“Merlin.” Arthur said softly, taking a step closer to him. “You look like someone’s slapped you with a fish.”
“That’s the most original way you've ever asked if I’m okay, Arthur Pendragon.” Merlin’s mouth quirked into a sort of smile before his face fell again.
Arthur held out an arm, offering a hug, but Merlin shook his head. “Not just yet.”
“Do you want to go back? Or is there something the matter?”
Merlin’s back rippled like he was taking a juddering breath, like he was crying. Arthur stepped closer again looking anxiously to see if there were tears and soft quiet sobs he couldn’t pick up over the sound of the wind.
“We’re not going to live forever.” Merlin said.
Arthur was taken aback. That was not the kind of crisis he had been expecting. “No that’s probably a good thing; I’m not sure I’m coping too well with one lifetime of my father, I wouldn’t like to put up with him for the rest of time.”
Arthur had hoped that trying to make light of what Merlin had said would improve the situation somewhat, but that failed to be the case. Merlin’s eyes filled with tears and he turned towards Arthur, looking for something, yearning written so deep in his eyes that Arthur was terrified of what would happened if he couldn’t help Merlin find an answer.
Merlin’s voice was thick and wet as he swallowed around tears and spoke again. “Arthur, we’re not going to live forever. We’re not going to be kids forever, things can’t stay like this forever, everything can go wrong and go right but nothing’s going to last forever. At least, nothing on this earth.”
A lump began to crawl its way up Arthur’s throat and he wondered if blinking before there were any tears to be blinked away would stop them from ever coming. “Are you breaking up with me?”
Merlin’s face broke and for a brief moment Arthur could see his soul through it. “No! No, no, never!” Merlin pulled him into a hug and Arthur could feel him shaking and crying and he held him as close to him as he could. Merlin tipped his head back to look at Arthur and shook his head fervently. “No. I’m not breaking up with you.” he rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a tissue. Arthur didn’t want to ask how long it had been there for. Merlin wiped his nose. “It would break me to lose you.”
“I won’t ever let that happen.” Arthur promised. “I couldn’t lose you either, you know your’re my everything, Merlin, I-”
Merlin nodded, crying even more now. “I do have something to tell you, even though I’m not breaking up with you.”
Arthur felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. “Are you okay? Are- are you ill? Or are you moving?”
Merlin shook his head. “Arthur, I want to marry you.”
“We’re not old enough.” Arthur blurted out before he could even process what Merlin had just said. “My dad would never agree to it.”
“I want to marry you but I don’t want a wedding.” Merlin said, reaching out for Arthur’s hands as the clouds started to fill more of the sky and the rain began. “I want to marry you here and now. make an oath, pledge my soul to yours, bind our hearts together. If you’ll have me.”
“Of course I’ll have you.” Arthur whispered, cupping Merlin’s face and kissing him. “Of course, of course, you beautiful boy. Whatever you want.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Merlin took Arthur’s hands again and smiled around the tears trickling down his cheeks. “Then, if you will have me, Arthur Pendragon, I give my soul to yours and I bind them both together for as long as they both exist with all the words I have for you. I love you with all of my heart and I hold you with all of my love; you are the most infuriating, insufferable person I have ever met except perhaps from all the rest of your family-” they giggled, slightly hysterically, “- but I have never met anyone as strong or as brave or as righteous as you are. You have enough heart and soul and fortitude in you for a thousand lions and I promise to stand by you and support you and tell you when you’re being stupid for as long as I live.”
“Are you done?”
Merlin nodded.
“How on earth do you expect me to follow that?” Arthur laughed as he cried and wiped his face with his sleeve. He held Merlin in his arms and the rain kept on falling. “Merlin Emrys my stubborn pagan elf boy who yells at his dog in Welsh and makes up words so he can insult me better; I adore you and I love you and I give my everything to you. I will fight for you and with you and I will always have your back. There is no one else that I would ever want to spend my life with like I want to spend my life with you.” Arthur pressed their foreheads together. “I will learn your impossible Welsh language for you.”
“I would move to England for you.” Merlin whispered. “I love you.”
Arthur kissed Merlin in a mountainside in the rain and nothing had ever felt more right before. “I love you too. And now I love you forever.”