Chapter Text
Wednesday
(2:01p) I will fucking stab you istg
(2:01p) You better return my cat kigurumi. I know you stole it asshole
(2:02p) C'mon you heartless bastard. You know that was Alpine's favorite
(2:03p) Also your read receipts are on, shitface
(2:05p) Oh shit
(2:05p) This isn't Steve, I'm so sorry
(2:05p) Wrong number
(2:06p) I just realized because Steve just fucking texted me, the smug lil shit
(2:07p) Oh shoot sorry if you're a kid I have a filthy mouth
(2:08p) I'm really sorry about all of this
(2:10p) Oh God I really hope you aren't paying like 10 cents per text or something. I can venmo you the money or something I'm really sorry
(2:15p) Don't be sorry. Your texts provided a rather welcome distraction from a terribly boring meeting. Though it’s been a while since I’ve received any death threats.
(2:16p) And no, I'm not a child, and I have a 14 year old whose language is even worse than yours. Also, who still pays per text???
(2:16p) My best friend Steve
(2:17p) The same Steve that you just tried to send a dozen texts.
(2:18p) Yeah. He also hates it when I swear. I’ll find a way to make him pay… even if it’s $1.20 on his phone bill. Also, I wouldn’t kill Steve, unlike some people, I have SKILL. It would be a light stab, you could even call it loving.
(2:19p) Right. Cause he stole your cursed cat onesie.
(2:20p) FIRST OF ALL
(2:21p) Okay yeah, I have no excuse. I’m a grown man with a nyan cat kigurumi, what about it?
(2:36p) At least you know your actions are inexcusable.
(2:38p) Wow. Hurtful. I reveal my deepest, darkest secret to you, and that’s how you react?
(2:39p) I don’t even know who you are.
(2:40p) Oh right. Sorry, my name is Bucky and I’m an adult human man with a cat kigurumi.
(2:43p) The fact that you specified ‘human’ is not reassuring.
(2:45p) Bucky is a real boy
(2:47p) Riiiiiiight. Not that this hasn’t been thrilling, but I have to go back to work now. Have fun with your stabbing.
(2:49p) Aw thanks, doll. Really appreciate your support in these trying times
(2:57p) Steve sent me another picture of himself in my kigurumi. The lovingness of his future stabbing decreases with each and every image. Btw.
(3:15p) Okay he sent me a pic of his asshole bf in my kigurumi. The stabbing is officially veering into plain stabbing territory.
(4:45p) In interest of plausible deniability, I’m going to have to ask you to stop there.
(4:47p) Yes, cause when I’m inevitably arrested for my best friend’s murder, they’re gonna find the random dude I texted that I don’t even know the name of
(4:52p) Stranger things have happened. One time I was arrested because my best friend made me laugh and I spit out a gummy worm and someone slipped on it and I accidentally elbowed them in the face on their way down. Also ‘dude’????
(4:55p) Person? Woman? Enby?
(4:56p) Less to do with the gender and more to do with really? Dude? Gender-wise, it’s fine.
(4:56p) Your failure to stop me means Steve’s blood is on your hands as well [image]
(4:57p) So judgy
(4:58p) That’s ketchup.
(4:59p) It’s a metaphor
(5:05p) What could the ketchup possibly be a metaphor for?
(5:07p) Steve could be a tomato. You don’t know me, you don’t know my life.
(5:08p) Don’t you have anything better to do than text the random wrong number that you threatened to stab?
(5:09p) Not really. Other than mope and contemplate Steve’s inevitable demise. Which, yeah sorry about texting you. I got a new phone, and apparently I typed in Steve’s number wrong
(5:12p) There’s this fantastic thing called data tranfer which prevents things like that.
(5:13p) Well yeah, but you see, things like data transfer tend to work better when your old phone isn’t in a porta potty somewhere
(5:15p) … I don’t think I want to know…
(5:16p) It was a choice, albeit a bad one. We all make poor decisions after a bad breakup. Don’t judge me.
(5:16p) So now I have just Steve’s number because he texted me and yours, o nameless one. I could really use a second contact to make myself look a little less pathetic ;(
(5:23p) I don’t think winky faces really work with frowns.
(5:23p) Darlin, you haven’t seen my smoulder yet
(5:24p) Also why would I give my number to someone who abused technology for their ex’s sins and threatened to stab me?
(5:25p) ;’(
(5:31p) …
(5:31p) It’s Tony.