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Coming home to find an archangel in his bed was still something Sam was getting used to. He had just barely gotten his head around the idea of the archangel Raphael not hating him when Raphael pushed things a bit further – they considered Sam a close friend. One of the closest friends they’d ever had, outside of Michael, Gabriel, and Lucifer. Raphael had explained it once – the Raphael he’d originally met, the version of them who had helped Michael jumpstart the Apocalypse and fought Castiel to restart it when Sam shut it down, that was a Raphael who had never had a chance to truly deal with the pain of losing two of their brothers.
Castiel had challenged them not long after Sam got his soul back. Challenged them to watch Sam and see what they could learn from the boy they had once dismissed as Lucifer’s meatsuit. Raphael had hesitated – they were at war; Castiel could be trying to trick them somehow. After watching Sam, seeing how much pain the human had dealt with and moved past to remain kind and forgiving and determined to see the best in people had pushed Raphael to realize where the trick truly lay. Castiel wasn’t trying to distract them from whatever plans he had to win the war. Castiel was trying to show them what they had let themself become. How could they claim to be the Healer of Heaven when they were creating such pain and discord within it?
It had taken Sam a while to come to grips with being a therapist of sorts to the Healer of Heaven. Hanging out with Raphael made it easier. With Raphael healing and becoming more of their true self, the two discovered quite a bit in common. For all Dean called Castiel a nerd, Raphael was the one who fit the definition better. They enjoyed learning, and once Sam had asked for some help with homework for an online college history class, Raphael had dived right in. Dean and Castiel were both quickly exasperated with walking in on the random discussions of human philosophy, or Raphael ranting about how badly the human scientists or historians had something wrong, or Sam explaining a piece of literature or pop culture. Dean had even joked once that he’d almost rather walk in on the two of them fucking than listen to one more second of debating the work of John Locke.
After that, Sam didn’t see Raphael for nearly a week. He prayed frequently, letting Raphael know that he was thinking of them and looking forward to seeing them when they were ready to come back, but that he understood if they were busy or needed some space or time. When Raphael returned, it was with the last thing Sam had ever expected to hear. “Your brother suggested that we fuck. Is that something you would be interested in?”
“He was joking,” Sam said immediately, but it bought him a little time to process. From Raphael’s small smile, it was clear the angel had gotten that. “I wouldn’t mind exploring a bit, but, uh, if you’re not comfortable with it then feel free to tell Dean to shut his mouth and quit weirding things up for us.”
“Back in the days of the Nephilim, it was… not encouraged, exactly, but angels were often considered odd if they didn’t seek out humans to take as lovers. I was one of those oddballs. I tried, sometimes. I would go out and find humans who seemed like good fits for me – healers, scholars, shamans, priests – but I never felt any desire to form a relationship with them. Sex was all right, but a relationship? It never felt right. With the risk of creating a child who I would need to stay around for, I never could bring myself to indulge.” Sam waited patiently. He did not want to assume what point Raphael was leading up to, but he couldn’t help hoping. “That’s why I stayed away so long. Dean’s suggestion of fucking didn’t sit right with me, and I needed to figure out why.”
“And now you have?” Sam prompted, as Raphael trailed off into a silence that seemed to stretch on forever.
Raphael nodded. “I have. I’ve realized that it’s because I want more than that, with you. For the first time in my entire existence, I find myself desiring a romantic relationship. If you’re willing.”
“I am… but there’s something you should know. Since my time in the Cage, I’ve had no interest in sex.” Hopefully not a dealbreaker for Raphael, of all people, but also worse because it was Raphael. An archangel’s power… he’d never known anything but pain to come of that.
Raphael reached out, wrapping Sam up in a hug. “I understand. Is that something you want to work on, since I am, after all, a healer? Or were you just making sure I accepted your boundaries before I was committed to this?”
“I…” Honestly, Sam had never considered the idea that Raphael could help make him better, help him cope and move past the trauma left from the Cage. “For now, just letting you know the boundaries. I’ll let you know if that changes once I’ve had some time to really think about it. Okay?”
“Of course it’s okay.”
Since then, cuddling had become normal. Sharing a bed had become normal. Sam had, eventually, decided to trust Raphael to help him push his boundaries, and while they hadn’t gotten to a place where sex was on the table just yet, Sam could see it coming. Still, tonight, Sam was too tired to try anything new. A long hunt followed by a long drive had Sam too tired to do much of anything but collapse in bed next to Raphael and curl up against them.
Raphael gently stroked his hair. “Welcome home, Sam. Is there anything I can do to help you sleep better?”
“Nnnn.” Sam nuzzled into Raphael’s neck. “Jus’ keep doin’ tha…”
“I can do that, love. Sleep well.” Raphael turned their head and gently kissed Sam’s forehead.